No, Carter. The reason I'm screwed is because the entire department is about to find out the stolen credit cards we impounded were used to buy two first class upgrades to Hong Kong. And what the hell is Heaven on Earth?
What the hell is that?
Those are five hundred dollar chips.
Did you give me five-hundred dollar chips because I'm black?
No, I just assumed...
You assumed a brother coming in here can only afford five-hundred dollars a roll, is that right? Are you a racist?
No, sir.
Winner six!
How much is that?
Two-hundred thousand!
Winner! Four, winner!
Invitation, please.
I'm with the band. I'm the lead singer.
The band has been playing over an hour.
Wait.
Last party all he wanted was Sting -- not one person danced. Tonight I'm doing Superfreak, I don't care what he says. Where is he?
Hear you got your ass kicked in Hong Kong, James.
What?? Where'd you hear that?
I got my sources.
And I got mine, meaning you. Nice how that works out. I'm serious this time, I'm closing this place down.
James, you see my kids back there? You know how much I'm paying for private school? How can you come in here with this attitude, you being little Chang's godfather?
Little Chang is gonna have to go visit his daddy in jail if you don't cooperate.
Jail!? James, you better back off. Badge or no badge, I'll kick your ass.
Look, I need some info and I don't have time to play around.
Is this about the funny money?
How'd you know?
You've been asking loud questions in all the wrong places all morning. How come you always save me for last, James? When are you gonna learn. Shit don't happen I don't know about.
So tell me what you know.
I know Teddy Wu is cranking out a pretty good double sawbuck -- but you knew that too, didn't you?
What?
I knew it. The guy's name is Zing. He works at the kitchen at Reign Plaza.
How you doing, baby? My name is Prince Mubutu from Nigeria.
Isabella Molina, from San Juan. That seat is taken.
San Juan! You must know my good friend Pedro Martinez Hernandez Hector Elizondo.
I don't think so.
I'm sorry, you looked like you traveled in the best circles. But hey, I understand. Make yourself at home, Isabella. Champagne, caviar, whatever you want. My ship is your ship.
This is your ship?
That's right. I'm the owner, the Captain -- you can call me El Capitan.
El Capitan?
I don't want to play games with you, Isabella. I like you. I can see myself with you -- in one of those bathrooms over there in about five minutes.
Well, I'm very tempted. It's such a beautiful yacht. What's it called?
Called? What's my ship called? Well...it's called the S.S. Minnow Johnson.
The S.S. Minow Johnson. Funny, the name on the back was "Red Dragon."
Red Dragon? You sure about that?
I'm sure, because this is my friend's yacht. And it's his party.
You see, no bomb. Now stay away before I throw you both in jail for obstruction.
Throw us in jail? I'm about to bust you right now.
I'm an undercover agent for the United States Secret Service.
Yeah, that's right.
We need to get out of sight. Come down to my suite.
Look, I've been working this case for months now...
So what's your story?
It's a myth. Some kind of counterfeit.
It's much more than a counterfeit. 14 out of 15 world banks can't tell the difference. The paper is Crane linen blend -- and the bills are printed on U.S. Intaglio presses.
How're they getting into the U.S. Mint to use the presses?
They use an optical transfer ink from India that burns red -- the real ink burns black.
What the hell are they going to do with a hundred million dollars in funny money?
I'm busy at the moment.
I said get on your feet!
I know you, Detective Carter, right? You're Lee's American friend. Enjoying your visit?
Let's go. I've got girls and chicken and hot oil waiting for me.
I'd like to pay you for that laptop.
It's no problem. But I must excuse myself, inspector.
Could you have your partner wait for us outside?
Would you like me to tell you how your father died?
Do you have it in you, Lee? Or are you gonna spend the rest of your life hiding like your father?
Oh, you American?
That's right.
You bring American money?
You get massage from Chinese girl before?
No. It's my first time.
Any girl? Okay. Let's start with that one.
Oh yes, she's very nice.
Wait a second. You're Steven Reign? You're big time. You own all them big hotels. What are you doing in Hong Kong?
Stevie, how's it going my man? Somebody get a picture, we can use it for a mug shot.
Detective Carter, you always seem to show up where you don't belong.
Lemme ask you something, Steven. And I want the truth. Is there any way I can date your daughter? Just dinner and a movie, maybe go listen to some jazz...
Vegas has been my town for 30 years. I crawled out from under the first rock. Do you really think you can intimidate me here?
You're right, you're a smart guy. Most counterfeiters only get ten cents on the dollar. But this is an even swap. Pure genius.
I warned you about playing that shit when I'm in the car.
That was my CD. Don't you ever touch a Chinese man's CD.
Did you see the way those girls drove off? I did you a favor.
Those girls drove off because of you.
All I did was invite them for a drink.
You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat.
You owe me a copy of the Beach Boys Greatest Hits, Volume Two.
Don't be giving me attitude, Lee. I've been here three days and we haven't done shit. We haven't been to a club, haven't even talked to a girl. I'm on vacation, and I want some mu-shu.
Mu-shu? You're hungry?
Of course not. My Superindendent invited us to a club tonight. Big party.
Don't be messing with me, Lee. I will kick your ass. I'll hit you so hard you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty.
That's what I'm talking about. A real Hong Kong night club. You want an Altoid?
No.
Just relax and don't worry about a thing. I'll hook you up in there. You got condoms?
No.
I'll meet you at the bar in ten minutes. They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in.
Blend in? I'm two feet taller than everyone here. Where you going?
Carter, get off that stage!
This is a gangster bar, we're here undercover.
I knew you were lying.
I'm sorry.
Damn it, why are you ruining my night? I'm just starting to have fun. Well fine then, go ahead, pull your badge and do your thing.
No, we're here for information, to find out where a man named Ricky Tan is. We must tread softly and keep our ears open.
Tread softly? Who taught you how to roost a bar?
Carter, you don't understand. These men are Fu-Cang-Long Triads. Part of the most deadly gang in China.
Man, are you crazy? You think that scares me? I'm from L.A. We invented gangs. We were having gang wars before anybody even thought about it. We get royalties from other gangs. Now gimme your badge and gun and I'll show you how it's done.
No. You are a civilian. In China, I am Michael Jackson, and you are Toto.
What'd I say?
You just said you're their worst nightmare - and to line their mothers up for a milking.
All I wanted was a little mu-shu.
You lied to me.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry. I got somebody's old chopsticks stuck in my ass, so don't tell me you're sorry. Just take me home.
I'm telling you right now, I'm tired of this shit. There's two billion Chinese - let one of them be your partner.
And that's how you use the LAPD choke hold. Now start practicing and don't make me come back here!
Just follow my lead and act like a tourist.
Hello.
How you doin'?
What are you doing?
She said I could pick any girl I want.
Well, hurry up.
What's wrong?
Over there -- that's Ricky Tan.
That's Ricky Tan? He's four feet tall. I'll go over with you right now, shake him down.
This is a very dangerous man.
I'm a dangerous man. You're not gonna ruin my massage because of some midget in a house coat.
Goddamn you got a small ass.
Where are you going?
Back to Heaven on Earth. I need my damn passport back. I'm going home.
Fine. Go home. Who needs you.
Why you mad at me? You needed back-up, so I backed you up. I was about to take out Ricky Tan and those bodyguards.
Stop! I'm sick of your bullshit!
My bullshit? I'm not the one who goes to a karaoke bar filled with gangsters! I'm not the one who goes to massage parlors to bust crime lords!
It's my job!
You're pathetic, man. When's the last time you had some fun? When's the last time you took a night off, had a date?
I have plenty of dates.
Really? When's the last time you had some Mu-shu Let's hear it, Lee, when was it? Year of the rat?
You would never understand my life. You're not Chinese.
Carter?
Who died?
You.
Detective Yu? Never met him.
Not Yu. You!
Who?
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
What, leave you alone so he can cap you?
I'm okay, you go.
Why the hell should you believe him? He had us beat up. Naked. That's nasty shit.
Remember I told you my father was a policeman? Ricky Tan was his partner for ten years.
What are you gonna do about it, grasshopper?
I'll bitch slap you into Bangkok.
Give me your best shot, you flat assed mama's boy.
Don't be talking about my mama. Or my ass!
I heard your mama pulls a rickshaw.
No. She's a school teacher.
You're not very good at this, are you?
Good at what?
Five years ago, my father was Chief Inspector working a big international smuggling case.
He found out his partner, Tan, had been working for the Triads all along. Before my father could prove it, he was killed in the line of duty.
How the hell did Tan get away with it?
All the evidence against him disappeared, the smuggling case was unsolved. Tan resigned and went over to the Triads openly.
No, no, that would be crazy --
You thought the "Customs Agents get blown up" and "smuggling" and "Ricky Tan" and you put it all together and came up with a five year old case. That's why you didn't tell me what we were doing...
I thought you'd think it was crazy.
IT IS CRAZY!
So are you getting on the plane or not?!
What?
Come on, we still got time to order the Kosher meal. Always get the kosher meal, they bring it first.
It sounds impossible --
You said --
You want to figure out why they killed your Daddy, get on the plane.
Why LA?
I should go back. Ricky Tan mentioned a boat in Hong Kong Harbor...
Lee, let me introduce you to the Carter Theory of Criminal Investigation: Follow the Rich White Man.
Follow the Rich White Man?
Almost, but you've got to say "Rich White Man" all run together like it's one word.
Follow the RichWhiteMan...
Not bad. Now every crime, somewhere, has a rich white man taking his cut. Every single one. Now in our case, we know the rich white man is Steven Reign.
Who?
Big hotel billionaire. He was on Ricky Tan's boat ordering Hu Li around just before Ricky got smoked.
How do you know he's our man?
Because when the shooting started he was way too cool. See most white people, when there's shooting, they either hide in a toilet or start screaming high pitched like "Aaaahhh!!! Aaaahh!!!!
You sound like that all the time.
Black people keep their cool when the shit goes down.
Maybe. But not like Asians. We never panic.
Yeah, what about when Godzilla was coming? You people were screaming your asses off.
Just tell me where I can find this Steven Reign.
Yeah, that's definitely the woman from Ricky Tan's boat, and she's staying in his suite at his hotel, I told you this would work out. They still just talking?
He just left. Kissed her on the cheek.
He'll be back soon.
How do you know?
Carter, there's something I have to tell you. You were right about what you said in Hong Kong. All I do is work. Never take a day off. It's all I have right now.
Hey, I didn't mean to call you pathetic.
The truth is, I haven't had any mu-shu in six months.
You pull a muscle or something?
My fiancee left me over the summer -- a month before our wedding.
I'm sorry, Lee. Why did she leave you?
It's a long story.
Let me guess, she couldn't handle the cop thing -- never knowing if you were dead or alive. I've seen it a million times.
No. It was my singing.
Excuse me?
She's just standing around -- not doing much.
Just don't fall asleep. Sooner or later something's gonna happen.
Slow down, baby.
What did you say?
Is it hot in here?
Hot? I'm freezing my ass off.
I'm gonna go in the hall and get a bucket of ice. You want some ice?
She's getting undressed.
Gimme the binoculars.
No. It's not right.
What's she doing?
Oh, sweet glory hallelujah...
I don't want to hear this.
Skirt just came off. She's in black bra and panties -- Victoria Secret Spring Catalogue, page 27 -- wait a sec - there's a tattoo on her left thigh... it looks like Snoopy.
Snoopy? I love Snoopy.
Wait a sec - what the hell is that between her legs?
What?
She's reaching into her panties -- something is strapped to her leg. Oh, God...please don't let it be a dick.
What is it?
I don't understand?
Pick it up!
It's your turn!
Wait! There's people down there!
There's people up here!
Get it out of here!
I wouldn't do that!!!
Let me see it again?
Secret Service Agent Carter. This is my calling, Lee. Give me six months and I'll be in Washington protecting a white guy.
We both know you would never take a bullet for someone else.
They don't know that. What are they gonna do, try and shoot the President during the interview? I'll bet Isabella can pull some strings. You saw the way she was staring at me.
She never even looked at you.
You're just jealous 'cos the girl picked me. I'm tall, dark and handsome, you're third world ugly.
I am not third world ugly. Women like me, they think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
Are you okay?
What's the first thing I told you -- never trust nobody. How could you fall for that shit? I knew she was dirty.
She saved our lives.
Look, man I'm sorry. I know you got a thing for her.
Shhh, my head hurts.
I'm about to be killed and you "Shhh" me! This wasn't my case, Lee. Ricky Tan didn't kill my father, the Fu-Cang Long are not in South Central. I didn't have to help you.
Why did you help me?
I'm not used to having a partner.
We are not partners. Between your daddy, my daddy, and the beating I just took, as far as I can tell all partners get you is dead.
Well we're not friends.
You got that right. And we ain't brothers. Maybe we should just end this right here.
Fine with me.
I won't talk to you, you don't talk to me. We'll die in peace.
See you in the next world.
I don't believe in reincarnation. So I won't see you in the next world.
Fine.
I believe in heaven. You people believe in heaven?
Yes. We have heaven.
Is it the same heaven, or is it a Chinese heaven?
What's a Chinese heaven?
I thought it might be like those five foot and under basketball leagues. They don't let everybody in.
I think we should stop talking.
Fine by me.
You thinking about that girl that dumped you?
No.
If she was the right girl, you'd be thinking about her.
Mind your own business.
How was the sex?
There was no sex. She was very traditional. We were waiting until we were married.
You're kidding. No sex? Nothing? No mu-shu?
No mu-shu.
What about a little king pao chicken?
No kung pao chicken. Never.
Steamed dumplings?
Once in a while, steamed dumplings. But only when she was drunk.
That's rough, man. If I don't get steamed dumplings once a week, I go crazy.
Tell me the truth, Carter. Do you think I have a good voice?
Are you serious?
As long as you're asking...I think you have a pretty good voice.
I knew it. What does she know. You want me to sing something?
That depends. How do the Fu-Cang-Long usually kill their victims?
They'll probably torture us first, shock our privates, then put two bullets in our eyes and one in the back of the head.
Very nice.
It's focus. Every opponent has a weak spot. You ignore everything around you, and put all your energy into one perfect strike.
Hello, Benjamin.
Who's Benjamin?
Benjamin Franklin, he discovered electricity.
A Chinese man discovered electricity.
No Chinese man discovered electricity.
Yes he did. He also invented the bicycle.
We're slowing down. This must be it.
End of the line.
You've been a good friend, James Carter.
Oh no you don't. Don't you be getting corny on me, Lee. I'll kick your ass from here to Compton.
You could never kick my ass. You mama's boy.
Vegas...
Red Dragon.
Let's go.
Wait a second. We can't go in like this. Look at this place, we gotta look fly. We gotta Mac out.
What is Mac out?
Couple? No, you got it wrong, there's no couple here. Just two single police officers working a very dangerous case.
That looks exactly like my Uncle Darrell.
Buddha is the symbol of luck and good fortune.
Carter...here comes the rich white man.
Lee, what the hell are you doing?
Dancing?
Dancing? I'm out here trying to strong arm Steven Reign, putting my life on the line, and you're up here dancing with some bimbo. Did she have a friend?
Isabella? Are you crazy, man? She almost got us killed. She's setting you up again!
No. I'm going to find out.
I'll go to the craps table, make a big scene. When security comes over, you make your move.
Try to keep them busy for five minutes.
Lee!
Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?
I did!
No you didn't!
Ricky Tan is alive.
What?!?!
You go after Ricky. I got this.
Carter...
Lee, wait a second. It's not worth it, man. He's making you do this.
We made it, man.
I saw that. She kissed you, didn't she? You played it cool, though. Walking away, never looking back.
That your gate down there?
Yes.
I'm this way. I guess this is goodbye.
I guess so. Thank you, Carter.
Your father's badge? No way, man. I can't take this.
What is this?
About fifty grand. I won it at the tables.
No, Carter. I can't take this.
They owe us, man. That's the least they can do.
This money is evidence.
I always wanted to go to Madison Square Garden. See the Knicks play.
New York City?
First class.
The Plaza Hotel?
A little Mu-shu.
I could use a little vacation.
Quite a night, Inspector. Ricky Tan was our only bait, and now he's gone. You finally got your revenge - at the expense of a U.S. Government investigation.
What "revenge" is he talking about?
I don't know if the Fu-Cang-Long paid you to get rid of Tan, or whether it was a pure vendetta killing -- but you're off this case. I don't ever want to see you again, you got that?
Hey, you, Secret Service Man, what are you --
Stay out of it, Carter. You're going back to L.A.
I know who you are, Inspector Lee.
Is this a payoff?
It wasn't hard to spot the fakes until this past year. Then Tan got hold of one of a kind Swiss made hundred dollar plates -- and started making superbills.
And Hu Li killed him for the plates.
Put your arms around me.
What's going on?
I need your help.
Last time you needed my help I ended up in the back of a truck.
You move well.
Just trying to make it look real.
Behind me is the soft count room. We're pretty sure the plates are back there.
Why don't you go get them?
The Secret Service almost busted Reign at his casino in Macao, but the place burned down before we could move in.
How do I know I can trust you?
I'm asking for real now -- will you help the Secret Service?
Are you okay?
I didn't know which side you were on.
Master Ching taught me.
The Praying Mantis school, in Bejing?
What are you doing hanging out with Baby Duck?
Baby Duck?
Do you still have the bills?
Lee, there was a bombing at the American Embassy. Two American translators were killed.
Any leads?
We think it's Ricky Tan. If you don't want to take the case, I'll understand.
Lee, this is Special Agent Sterling from the United States Secret Service.
All he wanted was some mu-shu.
Lee, we just got a call from the harbor patrol. Ricky Tan is throwing a little party on his boat tonight. Victoria harbor. If you don't want to...
Did you tell Sterling?
Let him find out on his own. I want the Hong Kong police handling this.
Escort Detective Carter to the airport --
Lee, I've missed you, brother. I heard about the two Americans, I'm so sorry, you must be under great pressure.
Despite what people suspect...what you suspect --
... if your father were alive, I would be turning to him now. I didn't blow up the American Embassy, but I believe some of my people did. My enemies are trying to frame me. There is a war going on within the Triads -- and I am going to lose. My name has been written into the book of death.
The police can protect you.
Nobody can protect me. I'll make a deal with you, Lee. But only iff you'll get me out of Hong Kong.
Tell me why they killed the customs agents.
You're just like your father, Lee. All these years hiding behind his badge. I wanted to help him, to share with him, but he was too afraid of change. When you think about it, I didn't really kill him. I just put him out of his misery.
Put the plates down. It's over.
If you reach for that gun, I'm going to kill you.
Didn't I teach you to always arch your back?
I need your help, Master. I'm seeking a man who used to train with you. He's become a killer - the worst kind of animal.
He was the best I ever trained, you know.
Ricky Tan?
A seeding spends its entire life reaching towards Heaven.
I know, Master, but...
The answers you seek can be found in Heaven on Earth.
Heaven on Earth? Master, I don't understand. A temple, where Heaven is on Earth? A mountain, where Earth reaches for the --
Chin, you have been ordered by the Ministry of Public Security to assist the FBI and Secret Service with our investigation, to provide us with whatever we need. If you have information, it belongs to us.
This is still Hong Kong.
Two Americans have been killed on United States Government property -- this is our investigation.
Chief Inspector Lee will brief your people...
Who the hell is that?
That is...Chief Inspector Lee. The detective in charge of our investigation.
You don't move, you understand?! You don't move!
You know what a phone booth is?!
Lee! It's him!
The first drop will be made tomorrow. At twelve o'clock. The amount will be fifty million.
Fifty million! Are we talkin' United States dollars?
In used currency. Nothing bigger than a fifty.
What is your name?
That's cool. We're gettin' to know each other. This is a good thing. I'm Carter.
Carter. I just want to be able to tell the Ambassador who was responsible for the death of his daughter because he talked too much.
Hey, that's whacked! I thought we was gettin' on here!
Shut up!
OK. Say what it is.
I don't know what went wrong last night, but this department could've lost one detective and our only explosives expert.
Sir, I can explain.
What you did was dangerous and completely outside policy.
I know, but --
Good job.
Hey, sir, it was a pleasure to preserve Johnson's ass. Well...you know what I mean.
Feds asked for me?
And that, of course, would be me.
Ooo, there's a chill. Love that.
He stole my wheel!
This is pathetic.
He'll be OK. Russ is a tough son of a bitch.
Tell me about it.
He was just doing his job.
You talk very fast.
Beach Boy.
You're shittin' me. You know the Beach Boys?!
Help me Rhonda.
You have one of these?
No.
You speak English!
A little.
Bullshit a little. You lied to me.
I didn't say I didn't. You assumed I didn't.
It's the same thing!
I am not responsible for your assumptions.
You're full of shit. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Full of shit?
Not being able to speak is not the same as not speaking. You seemed as if you liked to talk. I like to let people talk who like to talk. It makes it easier to find out how full of shit they are.
Okay, fine, you're full a shit, I'm full a shit.
We are both full of shit.
I am afraid I don't understand the importance of this information.
-- what the hell is that?
What?
That silly-ass look on your face.
I was being polite.
Where were we?
Witnesses.
I thought you were taking me to the consulate.
You're a regular god damn acrobat, aren't you? Bet you feel real good makin' me look like an asshole.
It was not my intent --
Right....
Mr. Carter, I appreciate your desire to show me a good time, but that is not the reason I am here.
What about them?
I know a shortcut.
Shortcut?
You make the plate?
What plate?
The license! You get it?!
No.
What the hell kinda cop are you?!
Did you make the plate?!
It was my ass that almost got trashed!
He was trying to kill me, not you.
Yeah, sure, you got lots a enemies in L.A. after what? Six hours?
It was a man I was after in Hong Kong.
When a man steps in dung, it is obvious. There is no need to rub it in his face. The smell is the same.
What is that, some kind of Chinese proverb?
I worked with Ambassador Han and his family for ten years. He wanted me to come with them to America. If I had, this might not have happened.
Don't go there...
I could not come. I had other responsibilities.
Hey, stop. We're just gonna wind up in some bar, drinking' to forget all the things we shoulda done and then you'll start singin' Beach Boy songs again. Then I'll really get depressed.
I also did not come because I think I would not fit in America.
Alright, listen, no bullshit just tell me straight: did you really know the guy you were chasin'?
When we go inside, you let me handle everything, you hear? This is my man, you dig? My informant. You know what an informant is?
Stooly.
What?
Stool pigeon.
You talk too fast.
Let's go. Everybody take off?
You see what I'm sayin'? You control the space.
Thank you. I learn a great deal.
Let's get us a photo and description. We'll have an APB out while we stake out the restaurant.
That is a problem. There is no description of Juntao. No known photograph.
Are you tellin' me nobody knows what he looks like? Come on, there must be witnesses somewhere.
You like it?
Yeah, it's good.
You want more?
Now, that's American music.
Yes, I know this song.
You know War?
That's not how it goes.
Yes, I think so.
No, no. It's not good-God you all! It's Good-God, ya'll. Ya'll!
Not yee-aw, Ya'll. And it's gotta be angry. Like you're pissed off.
Good God, ya'll!
Are you OK?
Want some?
No, fish is a PM food.
Excuse me?
What?!
Which one?
This is my territory now. You are my responsibility.
This concrete? This is still America.
OK, when you go in, just act like you're from outa town.
I am from outa town.
Like that.
No, please, I don't --
No, wait. I don't have it. You have it.
Oh no, I dropped it.
You drop my gun and you lose my i.d.?
I'm sorry, Lee.
What are you doing here?
Oh no.
What?
No, it is China, my country, my history. If any of it gets damaged...
Oh my god. Griffin.
What a surprise!
FBI calls up my ass, says they need help in Tokyo. Like I'm supposed to drop everything.
It's Hong Kong, not Tokyo. My country asked for the best. I told them that was you. Now I will show you around my Œhood.
No shark fin, no camel hump. What you listenin' to?
Yeah...beautiful. What would you call that paper there? Kind of a...Robin egg blue color?
Not anymore.
You're killin' me here.
Carter, just because you saved my butt, doesn't mean it's yours.
Last night's as much my fault as yours. If he's gonna put the blame on anybody --
Hey, baby, it's cool. Captain just reassigned me to the Feds.
The Feds?!
Way he put it, I was the only one he thought could handle it. But you know what the worst thing is?
No...what?
I could get promoted right out of here.
What's wrong with that?
How'd what go?
Oh, you're not gonna believe what they put me in charge of. They sent for the Ambassador's personal Chinese Investigator type. He is like the baddest Asian shield they got. And I, let me repeat that, I am the man who is on the case with him. Just the two of us, alone, workin' the whole deal as a team.
They put you in charge?
In Charge. Just me'n him. No interference. They don't even want to hear from us until we're done. I love the F.B.I. I love the F.B.I.
Well...listen, if you need any help, you know, back up, call me, OK?
Oh baby, don't worry, I'll call you. You can count on it.
Well.. I wouldn't want to be in the way.
You got a lot of guts calling me.
Yes I do. That's all I got. Guts and you, Johnson. There's no one else I can trust.
You made a fool out of me! In front of the FBI!
Jesus...what do you want?
This whole thing is goin' down tonight. I need to know where the Ambassador is gonna be. The Feds will be keepin' a lid on everything. You thing you can do that?
This is my city. I'm a cop. I'll find Œem.
Oh my god...what happened to you?
It's called a dress.
Wait a minute. I'm not riding in that.
What?! This is a class ride, Johnson.
Yeah, if you're Superfly.
You don't like it?
You OK?
We saved the girl and got the bad guys, didn't we?
Yeah. So why you look do down?
Look at me! My dress is ruined. I look like shit.
How about a lift home?
Any demands yet?
At this point we don't have much.
How much they want?
You come highly recommended, Carter. And your particular assignment requires a special talent.
... the director considers this top priority, considering he is a Chinese National and here under difficult circumstances. His name is Lee. And he is to be shown every courtesy. Within reason.
Sir, he's just gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle this situation...
I'm talking about the girl.
What kind of assignment is that?
Bottom line: I don't want some Chung King Cop getting his head blown off and turning this operation into a international incident.
Why don't you assign one of your own men to this?
Because with your special talents, I'm sure you'll do a better job.
What the hell am I supposed to do with him? Take him to the zoo?
What do you mean you lost him?! How could you lose him?!
You understand what I'm sayin'?
Yo, Johnson...
You think this is funny, Carter? You send for someone from Explosives!? Four men just died in there!
Hey, man, you can use her. She's an expert!
Hmmmm?
Don't play bullshit games with me.
Oh yeah. The caller was a man. Confident. Had an accent. My guess, Asian. Anything else I can do for the FBI, sir?
Why don't you try the assignment. Or should I call and ask for somebody who can handle it?
Okay, let me start from the top. A few days ago I was on this munitions dealer named Lafontaine. Now, after the shit blew up last night...
I'm not interested, Carter. You're no longer on this assignment.
What?!
Hey, hey, you start touching me there, I'm gonna start movin'! Word up, mother...
Shut up!
You a cop or something?
This is not a good way to start a relationship, stickin' a gun to a man's head, feelin' around his personal equipment. Make him think you don't trust him.
I don't trust anybody. Especially first time deals.
I oughta pat your ass down. Make sure you're not a cop.
Nobody touches me.
You know something? Every time I see this stuff, it reminds me of...uh...a double latte grande... With two shots of non-fat milk.
What's this little green wire coming out one side of the package?
Okay, look, we're gonna make a trade. You cross the street, leave her on the sidewalk. I will leave him on this side. Then we trade places. You get him, I get her. Get the picture, Lois?
You got a boy friend in here yet? ŒCause you're gonna need somebody to kiss your ass goodbye.
What are you talking about?
You're movin' to death row. See, your fingerprints are now on the murder weapon of Four FBI Agents. And when I turn this into the lab, they're gonna find Lafontaine all over it. And we already know... ...this is your MO.
How did I do this?! Maybe you didn't notice but I'm in jail!
You sonuvabitch.
Where do we find him?
Hello.
Ambassador Han.
Yes.
My daughter.
She's fine.
Yes.
You have run out of time. The amount now is two hundred million. I will call later with instructions. You will either deliver the money or pick up the body of your daughter.
Hello.
Take the money with you tonight. Pack it in six dragons. You will be contacted again.
Hello.
Han?
Yes.
It's Griffin.
Yes.
You have what I asked for?
I do.
I would like one of my people to help.
Ambassador, let me assure you that the FBI has made this a top priority. We have plenty of manpower on the case.
He is very good.
I am not an American, Mr. Russ. My daughter is not an American.
I understand, sir. But you are an honored guest of the United States...
Come on. Let's get you some dry clothes.
I am so sorry about your men.
Yes sir, me too. The State Department has authorized release of the funds. We'll have to make the first drop at 7. As soon as they pick up the money, we've got Œem.
And Mr. Lee? Where is he?
When were you going to tell me you were not going with us?
I still have work to do here.
I don't believe you. My father was explaining to Mr. Griffin. That is how I found out.
I was trying to find the right time.
I will not have friends in America.
What is he up to now?
Bob -- are you making friends with this man?
At the wedding? You invite him? Bob, don't you realize he's writing another article about me?
Sure I do. But the bet defense is a good offense, right? You're not going to let your opponent throw you off your game.
You don't understand this guy.
Let him come to the wedding. You're not running, right? Say it. "I'm not..."
I'm not running.
So if you're not running and Ike Graham is there to see it, then any article he writes has got to have a happy ending, right? All we're doing is turning lemon into lemonade.
Right.
Yes.
Ahh.
See you at the wedding.
At this pace, it could be an evening wedding.
What do you expect me to say to this?
You look awful.
Really?
I didn't want to find out I wasn't for her in the fourth quarter.
Got any last minute advice?
Actually, he only asked me one ridiculous question. The rest weren't so bad.
What? You talked to him! Did you tell him we dated before you were a priest?
Yes, yes, I'm sure I only did you good, Maggie.
Only respectful things. What did we have in common back then... What kind of music did you like... Did you ruin my life when you left me standing at the altar...
And what did you say?
How could I be angry at you when clearly what has happened to me is as God intended?
Good one! Thanks.
God... Of course. I'm sorry -- I mean, I'm... Brian -- I've got to go. The man's a lunatic, but I know exactly where he's going next.
He wanted to know how you used to like your eggs.
I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Brian.
I'm happy here, where I'm supposed to be. But if you ever become a Catholic, may I ask you a favor, Maggie?
Of course.
Could your confess to Father Patrick from now on?
That's it. Back to obedience school.
And in a "V".
We do it to our dog.
It's hurting.
I'll get the dress.
Tell me, why does Maggie need another wedding rehearsal and two days before the wedding? She's already done this.
Bob's in a hurry.
Don't be nervous, Maggie. Let us visualize. Remember what Bob said? "Be the ball."
"Sink the putt."
"Make the shot."
"Nothing but net."
I love his eyes. I just believe they're listening to you.
Rub your ears.
Fully. I like her. She has wit.
I left four messages. You don't return my calls.
-- It's for you, Ike.
What?
Lesson number two. Never work for your former spouse.
That's not nothing to do with it. You cooked this story up and you know it.
I didn't cook up a story. I had a source.
No, that's what makes you unemployed.
Lawyers. I don't know, Ellie -- Firing me is going to be very tough on you. It's going to be hard to get over. There will be therapy bills for you.
I already made an appointment for later today.
See? You want custody of my job? ... Why not just consider my wrist slapped and call me when you feel I've served my time?
Fisher, let him talk.
Is that what I did to you? Is that what happened? Did I just not see you?
Well -- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Ellie.
Maggie!
Overpriced nice apartment and Chinese takeout. That's New York living.
... Just call me when you have it. Ike, how is the story coming? Is she a man-eater?
Or a vegetarian?
Look, he's running after her.
Look, he's in pretty good shape.
Ellie asked me to come down to offer moral support.
In vino veritas.
Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride piece, and since I do freelance stuff for G.Q., I'm in a different position now...
Vindication. How would you like to get some? A chance to prove that, though your facts weren't entirely straight, your theory was correct.
The real story on Miss Carpenter.
The anatomy of the black widow spider of Maryland.
It wouldn't be a bad way to get you back into writing feature pieces again.
If she runs, then it's a cover story. All true. All accurate.
Okay, you were right. I hated my column, but I can do this assignment.
Then you've got it. If you leave tomorrow for the hinterlands, you'll have plenty of time before her next wedding trot.
"Paid vindication" That's what I call justice.
Justice, yes. Paid, I don't know. They like the idea, but my hands are tied with budget restraints.
Don't say "spec" like it's a dirty word. Nobody ever paid Shakespeare to write a play! Plato never got a book advance...
Yes, well, my theory was that she may be running because she gets attention... Negative attention is attention. Like when women whack you on the street because of your column, that's negative attention.
This is about her negative attention, not mine. Did you get the reimbursement for the dress yet?
No, I'm paying for the dress. Do you think she's still gonna run?
Look -- I'll be in there later today. I'll come by and tell you all about it.
You're coming here?
Yeah.
Then come for dinner.
Okay, we'll order out.
No... They're interesting guys. Each one of these guys has something going for him. I mean, one's been up Everest. Another's become a priest. One's a pretty good guitar player. And this guy today tried to end world hunger, if you can believe that...
Of course we are. Of course.
Then you'll be my best man.
Well, I'm good, I don't know if I'm best.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Your job is... the ring. Do you have the ring?!
Get this man a Kamikaze.
You could have told me you were fiance number three.
And end up in the papers? I've been humiliated enough already to last a lifetime, thank you. I'm sorry she got you canned.
Thanks.
She's a cacophony of contradictions.
Well, I'm writing another article on the cacophony.
Ah, can't stay away from her, can you? Like a moth to a flame.
Guess you'd know about that. You're an entomologist, right? How's business?
Not bad. I was traveling around studying the reproductive and migratory patterns of locusts when Maggie met me.
Same as you said. What did you call her? A "man-eater", "a devouring death goddess."
I don't think that's why she ran.
I don't know. I'm working on it. I was on the wrong track.
And you defending her?
No. I call it like I see it. I'm a journalist. I'm a truth teller.
Unbelievable, she got to you.
Sorry, no. I just got one.
Excuse me, sir. I have an actual fact for you.
Yes, Mrs. Pressman.
It's her fourth time to the altar, you know. Not seven like they said.
I'm not sure. Mr. Schullian runs the newsstand, he's our local bookie, you know, he's giving eight to one odds she won't. He says she's so famous now, maybe Vegas will give odds on her. I'm going to wait to hear what the pros say.
Good fact. Well, you let me know.
Well, I'm off. A reporter's work is never done. Mrs. Pressman, thank you.
It's okay. There's no microphone. You're no fun.
Hello. I'm looking for Maggie Carpenter. There was a sign at the hardware store across the street...
What?
It's been our experience that anyone with some sort of gewgaw on his loafers ends up being another big city reporter wanting to interview Maggie.
About her upcoming wedding and all.
I am just such a reporter. And you are?
And you are?
Looking for Maggie.
I think you'd look good in red.
Have you listened to his morning show, "Wake up with ballplayer"?
Not yet. I had a phlemless morning. I hear he's a pretty good ballplayer.
This game is pretty important to him. He made all-stars in high school, you know.
It's nice that they're still friends.
Yes, I am. And who are you?
Betty Trout. Five dollars.
Oh, Betty. I take it you're going to be making the wedding cake and they say you're throwing --
Your two cinnamon rolls.
You should thank Lou and I for the wedding car -- a '63 Buick.
Thank you.
They made me put my hat back on.
Gee, I hope they don't have a fight out there. You don't think they'll call it off...?
Well, wedding cake freezes. This we know.
Like her mother.
Dad's fishing trip, Grandma's knee operation, Grandma's birthday...
I hope you have a different angle. It's pretty much all been covered.
Originality is my speciality.
Well, instead of a haircut, how about a wash? You know, get all that city grit out of it.
Getting nervous?
Weird dreams? You're going to tell me about them?
I'm not here to make you feel bad. I'm here for vindication. In my heart...
Did something happen to make you care about reality?
Yes. Conviction. Conviction that I'm onto the truth. You're going to do the same thing to "poor bastard number four" that you did to the last three. You're going to run again. And I'm not leaving until you do.
You're going to be very disappointed.
We'll see.
That's fair.
Everest. Is that right?
Twice...
Really?
How romantic.
We think so.
Grandma made me the cutest outfit. I can't wait to show it to you.
Give me that!
Look, look, man. I think the man is heartbroken.
You've been here for three minutes. What did you do to her?
You misinterpret everything. We've all been friends our whole lives. But that's the types of relationship you wouldn't understand.
I take it the desk clerk is one of your many admirers.
You're welcome. Your notes made interesting bedtime reading -- if you like trashy fiction. Your observations are distorted, ungrounded an incomplete. You must be very proud.
My point is that one again, you're getting it all wrong. That won't improve your reputation any, and it's not very flattering to me either. So, I'm going to give you a chance to write the truth.
My magazine doesn't pay because for stories. It's not what you call ethical.
Oh, but making up the facts as you go along is ethical? Actually, I meant you. You probably got severance or expenses or both. I'll take your check. No credit cards.
You've seen the post-its. I've already got more juicy material than I need. Why should I pay you dollar one?
Too much.
Seven-fifty.
Five hundred.
Six-fifty.
It's a birthday present for my cousin. Put your finger in.
I think so.
I like it. This whole thing is pretty incredible. I think you could probably sell this lamp idea in New York.
Maybe someday.
You afraid to try?
No, I'm not afraid. Just... Maybe someday.
Well, I'm impressed. Absolutely incredible. I didn't expect pink and lacy, but this isn't exactly a woman's room.
Always a mood killer.
It's a little "Silence of the Lambs" for me. I can't believe you waited for the wedding to run.
It was one of the most wonderful moments of my life. Cal Ripken even applauded.
Highly suspect.
What do you mean? It was incredibly romantic!
I'm a work in progress.
So? Is that what you said to her?
No. I think I said something eloquent like, "So, uh -- maybe we should, ya know. What do you think?"
I don't know.
You don't know.
No.
Even with everything that's happened I've still never been married and I still deserve a beautiful dress.
You look... uh... You look fine.
Fine. The newspaper's upside down. That's better than fine.
I'll have the same.
Of course.
Tell me. When you get to the altar, will you spike the bouquet?
Ike... Hi, Grandma.
Oh, my God -- It's Miles Davis. This is "King of Blue"! This is the original recording. Hard to find in good condition. Where did you find this?
It was in the attic. It was jus sitting there gathering dust.
It's valuable. Hang onto it.
Hmmm... Figuring out what kind of music I like and then finding me a rare album. You're not trying to soften me up, are you?
Watch your leg, Dad. I'm so tired of this.
Your filter's clogged. This takes unleaded.
Can you fix it?
First I have to find some tools. I need a half and a nine-six-tenth.
Of what?
Kind of isolated.
No. But I think attraction is too often mistaken for rightness. Attraction is very misleading. And if it's mutual, it's well, terribly distracting.
Where did you disappear to?
I don't know, give me a minute. Are you all right with this?
Excuse me?
Are you all right with this? You think this is funny?
Yes.
I'm the only goddamn person in there pulling for you.
You humiliated me!
No, Maggie, I defended you. Humiliating you is what everyone else is doing. It's the theme of this party.
I had it under control. Now they feel sorry for me.
It's fun! It's high.
Or the sexual habits of locusts?
That was very interesting research George was doing!
What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary tattoo?
I already explained about that.
And where you ever really going to run the leper colony in Molokai?
Brian told you that?
Or maybe you just wanted to wear the headdress.
Every one of those times I was being supportive. Something you won't understand.
Supportive? You weren't being supportive. You were being scared. Just like now. You are the most lost woman I have ever laid eyes on.
Lost!
That's right. You're so lost you don't even know how you like your eggs.
What!?
With the priest, you liked them scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried. With the bug guy, poached. Now it's egg whites only, thank you very much.
That's called changing your mind.
No, that's called not having a mind of your own. What are you doing, Maggie? You really want to let that man drag you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You don't want to climb Annapuma.
Yes I do!
No. No -- Actually, let's make Ike the pastor.
I'd rather not.
I'm sorry, Bob. She kissed me back.
About a minute...?
A little longer for me.
Okay. So... what, uh... What just happened? Just now? Jus then? In there?
I don't know. I, uh -- I frankly don't even want to talk about it.
I love you. I love you.
To who? Are you asking me?
Yes, you!
Well, you do have the dress.
And the church.
And the wedding date. There's the two of us. So, you think... maybe... You have to go down the aisle with somebody you love and who love you back.
I'm okay with that.
So am I.
I've been making friends with your cat. Is it okay that I'm here?
Livid is good. So what is it, Maggie? You here on business? I saw your lamps. They're terrific.
You actually could make breaking and entering into a new career. So, what are you doing here?
Does it matter?
I think so... When I was walking down the aisle? I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been
Yes, I did.
Used?
They're mine. I'm turning in my running shoes to you.
You were not.
I was, because if you said "yes" right away, I wouldn't get to say this next part. And I've been practicing it. Ready?
I'm listening.
Pretty good speech, Maggie.
So -- Mag -- you've seen this, huh?
You're a goddess!
I didn't even need to change this gasket, just put in a little hydraulic fluid.
Reporter?
Hold on -- Nobody interviews Maggie in here unless they're getting haircut.
Okay, he's on base. Can we talk about my life now? -- Ike's going to turn that tattoo stuff into a big deal -- that I was never serious about Gill, blah blah. He's totally out to get me.
For what reason? Some personal satisfaction?
That's what he says, but if he thinks that I don't realize he's writing another article, then he's an idiot.
It's probably because you got him fired.
Ya think?
There he is. Snoop Doggy-Dogg.
Where?
Over there. Ten o'clock. He's talking to our little Dennis. Dennis will turn into one of those "sources say" things.
Good morning to you, too. You look good.
Thank you. Do you think I flirt with Cory?
I know. I think sometimes you just sort of spaz-out with random excess flirtation energy and it just lands on anything male that moves.
I'm going to kill myself.
Why?
Because you think I'm all like... "Hey man, check me out".
No, I don't think you're like, "I'm charming and mysterious in a way that even I don't understand and something about me is crying out for protection from a big man like you". Very hard to compete with. Especially to us married women who have lost our mystery.
But you haven't lost your mystery! You're very mysterious!
No. I'm weird. Weird and mysterious are two different things.
But I'm weird.
No. You're quirky. Quirky and weird are two different things.
I'm not worried about you and Cory or Cory and me or even that you're irreversibly screwed up. But, Maggie, you've been like this since we were kids. And I think now that you are aware of it and that it hurts people's feelings, maybe it's time to move on with your life and commit to someone of your own, like Bob, if he's
I think you're right. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Something that brings warmth to my heart. Duckbill platypus.
You're right. It's not funny now. Maybe we both grew up.
Lighten up, wahine.
Lighten up, what?
This party is for you and Bob. Get your mind off the reporter.
I haven't seen him in twenty-four hours. It just gives me the creeps a little bit. I'd feel better if I knew where he was.
He's going to be the pastor?
Yep. I want him to be front and center and to watch everything.
What happened at the luau?
... I don't even want to talk about the luau. What's this?
Grandma!
He's not coming. Watch. He's not coming.
No, no. I saw eight geese flying in a "V".
You and your lucky geese. You always see geese.
Let's go.
You okay? I'm closing.
I'm just finishing up, too.
Want to go to Butch's for a drink or something?
No, I'm just going to head home.
What are you talking about?
Wedding. Wedding. You just have to get the rest of your ducks in a row.
Thank you. You still think that he was....
So I've come to see it as a bonus, really, that we've been able to plan, and pay for, so many weddings.
I'm not exactly having fun, either... Steady.
Good boy, Port Hole.
His name is Skipper, Dad... Steady.
I'm really rooting for this one.
What?
Just stop it. Don't say another word like that.
Maggie, it's just a joke...
No. It's my life.
A harmless joke.
"What is unusual about Miss Carpenter is that she likes to dress her men up as grooms before she devours them. She has already disemboweled six in a row by leaving them at the altar."... I can't ready anymore.
You tell Maggie.
No, you tell her.
No, no. You're her best friend.
No.
You know, it's just possible that she hasn't read this yet.
Yeah.
There's no why, Annie. I'm just not up for it. I never said I was.
Is there somebody else?
Nope.
You don't love me, is that it?
How about ... you're too narcissistic to commit to another human being in a long- term way.
You take the microwave?
What am I going to do with a microwave?
You turn it on, you open it and you stand in front of it for a very long time.
Tell me he's living in squalor. Tell me everything he has is being repossessed, including his filthy, dented mobile home.
He's got a houseboat.
I hate boats.
It sounds nice.
Boats. You go out in them. You come back in them. I hate them.
Houseboats don't go anywhere.
Boats. All anyone talks about is the wind. Is it up, is it down. I can't live with a man who only talks about the wind.
It's not a boat boat. It's really a house.
But it's on the water.
It's on the lake right in the middle of Seattle. It rains nine months of the year in Seattle.
I hope I don't have to pay for that piece of information.
The short one with black hair is your cousin Irene --
-- who's married to --
Harold, who ran away with his secretary but came back --
-- because Irene threatened to put the dog to sleep if he didn't --
And your brother Tom is a psychology professor and is married to...Betsy --
Your Uncle Milton lost all his money in a Puerto Rican condominium that went belly up, don't mention the IRS or the Federal prison system. Your mother is Barbara, your father is Cliff --
I hope he doesn't get out his slides.
Am I what they had in mind?
Don't touch them. I feel terrible sneezing at a time like this. This is a big moment for me --
If he eats one tiny piece of a nut --
Is that all right with you?
They loved you. I told you they would love you and they did.
I love you.
I love you, Walter. Did anyone ever call you anything other than Walter?
Nope.
Even when you were young?
You sure you don't want to drive with me?
How will I get back to Baltimore Saturday? Oh God, I forgot my present for your stepmother -- I took it inside by accident.
I'll wait.
Happy New Year, darling.
I was thinking, I have to go up to Boston for the AAP convention and then visit Winston-Hughes about switching over our computers. Why don't we meet in New York for Valentine's Day weekend?
Walter, I'd love to --
We'll stay at the Plaza --
Go for a walk in Central Park --
We will? The Symphony? Okay. I'll take you to the Russian Tea Room for pelmeni.
What is it?
It's delicious, trust me.
Does it have wheat in it?
Who is it?
Miss Scarlett. In the broom closet. With the radio.
Becky heard this woman on the radio complaining about this guy she was sure was Rick, which meant he was cheating on her. She was completely hysterical. Then it turned out the woman lived in Duluth.
That doesn't make any sense.
Couldn't you just do a phone interview?
Not for the kind of place I want to do. I won't be in Chicago that long.
When you get back, I'll be gone --
And then I'll see you in New York --
You go.
Ever since Christmas, you've been different. Kind of distracted, distant. But I feel like you're coming back from wherever you were.
I am. I was just... I just got... I think I got nervous. It's normal, right? Don't you ever feel nervous about, you know?
What?
About forever.
No.
Don't hate me but I love this pattern.
You couldn't.
I do.
Walter.
It was my mother's.
Beautiful view, isn't it?
I don't know what to say about it, Walter. It was a form of temporary insanity. But I had to tell you about it because --
-- it was a betrayal.
Yes. But it wasn't really. It was just...
So what happened?
I told you. Nothing --
At the top of the Empire State Building --
I'm not at the top of the Empire State Building. I'm here.
Oh, Walter. I don't deserve you.
You okay?
Oh!
What?
You should write something about this.
About what?
It's not true, but it feels true.
What was that about up there?
What was what?
What's with you?
"Sleepless in Seattle"?
That's what she called him on the show. Because he can't sleep.
And now 2,000 women want his number. The guy could be a crackhead, a psychopath, a flasher, a junkie, a transvestite, a chain-saw murderer, or someone really sick, like Rick.
Actually, he sounded nice.
Oh? Oh, really? Now we're getting down to it.
You're a basket case.
They knew it. Time, distance, nothing could separate them. Because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
... movie. That's your problem. You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. Read it to me.
"Dear Sleepless and Son..."
It sounds like the name of a mattress store --
And this woman is a writer! That's what everyone writes at the beginning of letters to strangers.
I know that. You think I don't know that? "I know that's a dumb way to begin, but it's the only way I can think of to convey what happened to me the other night when I heard the two of you on the radio. On the other hand, maybe I'm just losing my mind."
You are. You're losing your mind. What about Walter?
I'm going to marry Walter. I just have to get this out of my system.
Right.
I should say something in this about magic.
What?
I don't know. I mean, what if I never meet him? What if this man is my destiny and I never meet him?
Your destiny can be your doom. Look at me and Rick.
"On top of the Empire State Building at sunset on Valentine's Day."
You want to hear about destiny? If my husband hadn't gone on a diet, which caused me to leave him, I would never have been on that flight to Miami, and met Rick, and ended up having sex in the bathroom of a 727 with that nob you slide that says "vacant-occupied, vacant- occupied, vacant-occupied" --
You never told me you left your husband because he went on a diet.
He lost all the weight... there.
That's impossible. A guy can't --
Can too.
No.
Yes.
And then you left him? He lost weight there and you left him?
Plus he fell in love with a temp.
Men never get this movie.
I know.
Do you think at the end of the movie when she's in the wheelchair they can still do it?
Hello.
Turn on your radio!
What?
I thought I would look into doing a story about those radio shows.
You'd probably have to go somewhere to really look into it.
Did you talk to him?
You told a lie and got on a plane.
That's not what I mean. I'm going back over there tomorrow and talk to him. I am.
Okay. Good. Goodbye.
Becky?
What?
Is this crazy?
No. That's the weirdest part about it.
Thank you. I love you.
I love you, too.
You were standing in the middle of the street?
You know that dream where you're walking down the street naked and everyone is looking at you?
I love that dream.
That was nothing compared to this humiliation, nothing.
But he saw you, right?
It's a sign --
You don't know who she was, Annie --
This is a photo of hair.
Becky?
So I mailed your letter.
"Dear Annie: Thanks for your letter. It was great. We're very excited about meeting you in New York on Valentine's Day and seeing if we are M.F.E.O. Sleepless in Seattle."
M.F.E.O.?
So he can't write. Big deal. I mean, verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and our pathetic need for it is what gets us into so much trouble.
I'm going to run back to Walter's arms, if he's still have me.
What about the letter?
You're going to miss the train.
No, I'm not.
What are your plans in New York?
We're going to the Rainbow Room and the symphony tomorrow night.
I love the symphony.
I need to know about him because... he's involved with my sister...
Okay.
She has a pattern of getting involved with losers... Once she almost ran away with a human cannonball from the circus.
Do you want a matrimonial, past wives, any kids--
No, I know that part --
So you want a financial, is he a deadbeat, we can do a D&B --
No, no, no, it's more like, who is he, does he have a sense of humor, is he nice -- no forget nice, I've got nice --
A sense of humor.
I'll tell you the truth, I heard this guy on a call-in radio show and I might not marry the person I should marry because I've become obsessed with him.
Oh. Like Glenn Close in that movie.
No. Not remotely. I just want to find out about him.
Honey, he wasn't right for you.
I know.
He wasn't even wrong for you, like <u>cosmically</u> wrong, so don't beat up on yourself for wasting...however long it was.
Maybe you should see a shrink.
I want my money.
Go home for the weekend.
Perfect. Sandbag the father.
Please --
This is a complete disaster. I wanted him to find a wife, but he's got the wrong one --
Oh God, it's major. He's kissing her on the lips. I have to stop this.
Are you Annie?
I'm Jonah. That's my dad. His name is Sam.
Hi, Jonah. Sam. And who is this?
Howard.
I think I'm going crazy, Tom. I really do. Are you happily married?
What?
I mean, why did you get married? Was it all fireworks and trumpets and --
I got married because Betsy said we had to break up or get married. So we get married.
But when you met her, did you believe she was the only person for you? That in some mystical, cosmic way, it was fated?
Annie, when you meet someone and you're attracted to them, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as chemistry is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
I don't even know him. But I'm having all these fantasies about a man I've never met, who lives in Seattle.
It rains nine months of the year in Seattle.
I know, I know. I do not want to move to Seattle. But what I really don't want to do is end up always wondering what might have happened and knowing I could have done something. What do you think? It's just cold feet, isn't it? Everyone panics before they get married, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Thank you, Tom. I feel so much better just having blown this off.
Everybody! Annie has an announcement --
It's probably just the flowers --
The Historical Society wanted this and I never would give it to them --
Granny's dress. Oh, Mom.
I notice these things are back in fashion. Oh, honey. He's a lovely man, Annie.
I know. He's wonderful, isn't he?
Are his folks nice?
You'll love them. We're going down to D.C. tonight to be with them Christmas morning.
It's silly, really. I mean, I'd seen him at the office, obviously I'd seen him, he's the associate publisher, and then one day we both ordered sandwiches from the same place, and he got my lettuce and tomato sandwich on whole wheat, which of course he was allergic to, and I got his lettuce and tomato on white.
How amazing.
It is, isn't it? You make millions of decisions that mean nothing and then one day you decide to order takeout and it changes your life.
Destiny takes a hand.
Oh, please. Destiny's just something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.
Then how do you explain that you both ordered exactly the same sandwich except for the bread? How many people in this world like lettuce and tomato without something else like tuna?
I was in Atlantic City with my family. Cliff was a waiter. He talked me into sneaking out for a midnight walk on the Steel Pier. I've probably told you this a million times, but I don't care. And then he held my hand. I was scared. All sorts of thing were going through my head. But after a while I forgot about them.
What?
You know.
What?
Magic. It was magic.
Magic.
I knew we would be together forever, and that everything would be wonderful, just the way you feel about Walter. Walter. It's quite a formal name, isn't it? One of the things I truly knew was that your father and I were going to have a wonderful time ... in the sack I believe you call it --
Mom!
Of course it took several years before everything worked like clockwork in that department, so don't be worried if it takes a while --
Mom, we already...
Well, fine, fine. Fiddle da dee. And how's it working?
So you'll get married in a new dress.
It's a sign.
Sure you do.
You touch her for the first time, and suddenly... you're home. It's almost like...
Magic.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi. So far so good. So. What should we talk about? How insecure we were in high school. Shirley Votypka, the first girl I ever felt up. Health. What about health? Did you know that eating six macadamia nuts is the equivalent of eating a steak?
It's you.
It's me?
Which means --
Great. This is great. The whole town knows. Just out of curiosity, how do you two know?
Grace heard it.
Grace the dispatcher. Great.
The point is, take the client out to dinner and ask her to marry you and then maybe we won't have to redo the kitchen cabinets.
Sam, if you're not doing anything New Year's -- obviously you're not doing anything New Year's -- we're having some people over, all of them married, not one even remotely interested in playing around. Does that sound great or what? I can't think of the last time I was at a party when anything actually happened.
Hello.
I'm probably not interested in whatever you're selling.
I'm not selling anything. Your son called and asked for advice on how to find you a new wife.
Who is this?
Dr. Marcia Fieldstone of Network America.
I'm not mad at you. Okay, I'm not mad at you.
All righ...
Good. How long ago did your wife die?
It's been about a year and a half.
Have you had any relationship since?
Why not?
Look, Doctor, I don't want to be rude, but --
We've been talking to -- well, let's just call him Sleepless in Seattle, and we'll be right back after this break with listener response, <u>your</u> response, to the things we've been discussing. The number to call is...
Do you think there's somebody out there you could love as much as your wife? Maybe even more?
What are you going to do, Sam?
What was it that made you know?
I don't think I could really describe it.
Why not?
No last names, Jonah. Hello there, you sound younger than our usual callers. How come you're up so late?
It's not that late in Seattle.
Got me there. What's your Christmas wish, Jonah?
You don't like the one he was now?
He doesn't have one now. That's the problem.
Where's your mom?
I'm sorry to hear that, Jonah.
I've been pretty sad, but I think my dad is worse.
And you're worried about him.
No.
Why not?
It's very hard for him to talk about this stuff. It's like it makes him sadder.
Is he home right now?
Yeah.
Well, I think I can help a little more if I talk to him directly.
I don't know --
I'm sure he won't be angry once he realizes how concerned you are about him.
Okay, but if I get yelled at, I'm never gonna listen to this show again.
I have no doubt that you're a good dad. You can tell a lot from a person's voice. But something must be missing if Jonah feels that you're still under a cloud.
They met at the Empire State Building, only they didn't. Never mind.
Just because someone's looking for a nice guy doesn't make them desperate.
How about rapacious and love- starved?
No.
It is easier to be killed by a terrorist --
It is not --
Hey, my plate is full.
Sandy has a girlfriend, Clenda ... She's a weightlifter, but it's not like her neck is bigger than her head or anything --
I'm not asking you to set me up, Jay. That's not what I need your help for. I want to know what it's like over there.
And that's what I'm trying to tell you. What women are looking over, okay? Pecs and a cute butt.
You mean, like, "He has the cutest butt"? Where did I hear that recently?
When's the latest time you were out there?
Seventy... eight.
Well. Things are different. First, you have to be friends. You have to like each other. Then you neck. This can go on for years. Then you have tests. Then you get to do it with a condom. The good news is, split the check.
I don't think it could let a woman pay for dinner.
Great. They'll have a parade in your honor. You'll be Man of the Year in Seattle Magazine. Tira misu.
What's tira misu?
You'll find out.
What is it?
You'll see.
Some woman is going to want me to do it to her and I'm not going to know what it is.
You'll like it.
Dad, could you close the door?
Write her.
You think so?
It's Y. O. H.
Yeah. What's that?
This is the best movie I've ever seen in my life.
I don't get it.
Do you know how much it costs to go to New York?
Nobody knows. It changes practically every day. How much money do you have?
Eighty dollars.
I have forty-two. So that would definitely cover taxicabs, I think.
Do you want an aisle or a window seat?
Window.
Do you want a fruit plate?
I don't know. Do I?
Dad --
What is it?
I can hear you walking around sometimes. At first I thought it was a robber. Go ahead, tell her, Dad.
The hopes are perfect -- beautiful, identical, smooth -- and they are for something really amazing I feel it in my bones --
It's a spice rack.
Dad? About last night?
It's never happening again. Right?
Not.
How many people do you think heard that thing last night?
It plays in 50 states.
What?!
Nobody else is going to know it was us.
Dad, I don't know about this one --
Oh, you're changing your mind --
No, I'm not, but --
What's the matter with this one? Wouldn't you like to have Imelda Marcos as your mother?
Does red pepper go under R or P?
P. Dad?
What?
I forgot to mention. Jed called --
Just out of curiosity, do you have any friends whose names don't begin with a J? I feel like it was a failure of the imagination on our part naming you Jonah. What is marjoram? Does anyone know?
Fine. Fine.
So I can go.
Sure. Looking good.
Shouldn't you have used a toggle bolt?
I'm sorry. I'm just --
Stressed.
Just out of curiosity, how did they get our address?
How did they get our phone number?
"Dear Sleepless in Seattle: I am an SWF"-- What is that?
Thank God. Something you don't know. It's a single white female.
This is no good. She's looking for someone French. Or Greek. "Dear Sleepless in Seattle: I live in Tulsa." Where is that? --
Oklahoma. Do you know where that is?
Somewhere in the middle.
I'm not going to think about what they're not teaching you in school. I am not going to think about it. Generally speaking I think we should rule out people who don't live somewhere near here --
She looks like my third grade teacher. I hated my third grade teacher. Hold it! Wait a minute! She <u>is</u> my third grade teacher!
Dad, you're not taking this seriously.
This is not how you do it. You want this on an English muffin or a bun?
English muffin. How do you do it?
You see someone you like, you get a feeling about them, you ask them if they want to have a drink or --
-- a slice of pizza --
But not dinner necessarily on the first date because by the time you're halfway through dinner you might be sorry you asked them to dinner whereas if it's just a drink, if you like them you can always ask them for dinner but if you don't you can go home if you see what I mean. I wonder if it still works this way.
It doesn't. They ask you.
If you get a new wife, I guess you'll have sex with her, huh?
What do you think?
Will she scratch up your back?
In the movies women are always scratching up guy's back and screaming and stuff. When they're having sex.
Whose show was this on?
Jed's got cables.
Hi, Dad. Dad, this is Jessica.
It's nice to meet you, Jessica.
Dad, this is amazing. If you play this backwards, it says "Paul is dead."
I know.
It was sinking.
What was?
Our house. There was water coming in all the windows.
You're worried we're going to be all right. We're going to be all right. I remember sometimes you'd have nightmares as a baby. Your mom would hold you and rock you and sing you a song.
Bye bye blackbird.
Is that what she used to sing?
I miss her. What do you think happens to someone after they die?
I don't know.
Like do you believe in heaven?
I never did. Or the whole idea of an afterlife. But I don't know any more. I have these dreams about... your mom... and we have long talks about... about you, and how you are, which she sort of knows but I tell her anyway. So what is that? It's sort of an afterlife, isn't it?
I'm starting to forget her.
I... uh... have a date with someone Friday night.
This one's for both of us.
Great.
I look stupid. I look stupid, don't I? I look like I'm trying too hard. I was going to get a haircut but then I thought I'd look like I just got a haircut.
This is a good letter, Dad.
The heels on these shoes are very large. Why have I never noticed this? The heels on these shoes are grotesque.
Her name is Annie. Annie Reed.
Listen to this --
Not now, Jonah --
Just this one part, okay? "I have been an excellent third-baseman for as long as I or anyone else can remember, and I guarantee you will not get one past me"
Jonah, I'm leaving --
Dad!
Everyone thinks Brooks Robinson is the greatest.
It's a sign.
Here is Seattle. And here is Baltimore. Case closed.
She doesn't want us to go to Baltimore. She wants to meet us in New York City on Valentine's Day. On top of the Empire State Building.
I figure we could go to New York, catch the Knicks, and since we'd be there anyway, obviously we'd go to the Empire State Building --
Why is she bringing that bag?
Okay, tiger. Time for bed.
It's only ten o'clock.
Jonah!
Okay.
Thank Victoria for dinner.
Thanks for dinner. I never saw anybody cook potatoes that way.
Don't ever do that again.
What are you doing up?
I was thirsty.
There's a bathroom upstairs.
The water tastes better in the kitchen.
Did you call that radio station again?
No.
Everyone at work heard you.
I just called for a second.
Long enough to call Victoria a ho.
It's a short word.
This is not a joke. Thank God Victoria doesn't know. It would really have hurt her feelings.
Jonah, this isn't fair. You don't know Victoria. I hardly know her myself. She is, in fact, a mystery to me. She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use barrette so it doesn't keep falling in her face? These are things that I'm willing to
Was Mom an adjustment?
God, she's beautiful.
Dad, I was talking to Jessica about reincarnation, and she thinks that probably you knew Annie in another life.
Who is Annie?
The reason I know this and you don't is that I'm younger and purer so I'm more in touch with cosmic forces.
Have you seen my wallet?
I'm only going to be away one night, okay, and Clarise will be here. You'll have a swell time. You'll watch a little Geraldo, some Nightmare on Elm Street 12, I'll never know.
Are you going with her?
I have to have a life. I have to do things that I want with people my own age. It's none of your business who I am going out with. I don't give a good goddam if you're angry --
Fine. I won't say anything. You can marry Count Dracula.
Thank you, Jonah. But the point is, I am not asking permission.
What's wrong with Annie?
Shut up? Shut up??? Mom never did that. Mom never said shut up to me. Mom never yelled at me.
This conversation is finished.
You said we could go to New York.
Did not.
Did too.
I can't know what I said, but we're not going.
I'm not leaving this room until you say yes.
Get out.
No.
What if I couldn't get to you?
I was scared of what you were gonna do.
When I found you?
If I didn't go.
Listen, have I ever done anything really stupid?
No.
I mean, so far, have I screwed it up for you?
I can't believe you flew first class.
Maybe we'll get a dog when we get back.
Okay.
What do you mean, okay? Wouldn't you like a dog?
Hi, Sam. And let me guess -- you must be Jonah.
Do you like baseball?
Yes, I do. In fact, my firm has box seats for the Mariners. Why don't we all go next week?
What about camping?
What about it?
Do you like it?
I went camping once. I love to brush my teeth in a brook and floss with a weed.
Sure. I'd really like that. Thank you so much.
Well...
Hi.
Hi. Sam?
Yes?
We live two piers over, don't we? Number 12, right? We're having like a really neat open house today from like four to whenever if you care to stop by.
Thanks, but... we've got plans.
Five minutes in the microwave. Any one of them, five minutes and done. Ready to eat. Do you know how to make juice?
Eventually, in a few months, you'll start seeing women, you'll meet someone.
Move on. Right. That's what I'm going to do. In a few months, boom, I'll be fine, I'll just grow a new heart.
God, it's wonderful to see you. Where's Greg?
You saw her in the airport and then here?
How's Jonah taking it?
It'll take him a while to come around. A month ago he called one of those radio call-in shows and told them I needed a wife --
You're kidding --
It's a little derivative.
What do you mean?
Anyway, Victoria's nice.
Would you follow <U>her</U> through an airport?
Hi.
You look good.
I thought you were never going to call me.
You did?
I really wanted you to call me, and I thought you were never going to --
You could have called me --
No way. No way I was going to be the first woman you went out with after... There is no percentage whatsoever in being the first woman anyone goes out with after...
You <u>are</u> the first woman I'm going out with.
Oh.
We can't finish the job. She's on her sixth painter, now she's thinking maybe she wants the fireplace rebricked --
I know her pretty well. Maybe I could call her --
Is he there?
No. After he was born, every time we started to make love, he would cry. He had an uncanny sense of timing. We really shouldn't do anything here anyway.
He's ten.
He's good at it.
I read an article about this ...
I read the same article...
It takes time --
Absolutely. When I come back, maybe the two of us should spend some time together, on our own. What do you think?
I told you it would happen. It's bound to happen when a man works alone!
Why didn't you give a warning signal?
Want to go up to your office, Mr. Alexander?
Naturally. You think I parked here for a cup of coffee?
You're welcome to one.
No thanks.
The men would like to know who this gentleman is.
I mean it. I know your work record. You were in line for foreman when this trouble started -- did you know that? You had a real future with this company, but you let those Reds stir you up. And now they'll sell you down the river. Why don't you wake up, Ray? That's your name, isn't it, Ray?
Are you going to let us pass -- or do I have to call the Sheriff?
Mornin'.
How's it going?
Not so sure about that. Letter of the Law, you know. All the injunction says is no picketing by miners.
Whose side are you on anyway?
Well?
I've tried everything but shootin' 'em down.
You haven't tried locking them up!
You want 'em all arrested?
Got any more ideas?
Take a drink. Calm down!
Now why don't you let these gentlemen pass? Don't you know who's in that car?
It's the paymaster from Moscow -- with our gold.
Jenkins ain't no boss. Mean we're gonna let people like Jenkins stay here?
How goes it?
Three hours! Just to heat enough water to wash this stuff! I tell you something. If this strike is ever settled -- which I doubt -- I don't go back to work unless the company installs hot running water for us. It should've been a union demand from the beginning.
It's like Charley Vidal says -- there's two kinds of slavery, wage slavery and domestic slavery. The Woman Question, he calls it.
The woman question?
Question, question -- the problem, what to do about 'em.
So? What does he want to do about 'em?
He says give 'em equality. Equality in jobs, equality in the home. Also sex equality.
What do you mean -- sex equality?
Hear you had a little trouble, Quintero. Defective fuse? Well, you're all in one piece. So what's the beef?
You know the beef. This new rule of yours, that we work alone. We're taking it up with the Super.
Super's busy -- with your Negotiatin' Committee.
Now wait a minute. Super's the one made the rule. He ain't gonna give you no helper.
Foreman wants to get the ore out. Miner wants to get his brothers out. In one piece.
You work alone, savvy? You can't handle the job, I'll find someone who can.
Who? A scab?
I checked the drift just before he blasted. It was all clear ... The man must have been asleep or something.
You weren't even there. You were back at the station. Kalinsky told me ...
Are you sick, Mama?
No, Estellita.
Are you sad? Are we going to church? For your confession?
Mama, can I put the candles ...
Why are they singing, Mama?
They are singing for me.
Can we light the candles now? On the cake?
To the mine?
Come on, Esperanza -- how about it? We got to.
He can't drink this milk. It'll make him sick. He's on a formula. I was a fool! I shouldn't have kept him with me.
It's all set. Consuelo's squad can take they day off tomorrow. We're taking over.
So they had a little taste of what its like to be a woman ... and they run away.
We're only one payment behind. I argued with her. It isn't right.
But you had to have it, didn't you? It was so nice to listen
Where you going?
This water's cold again.
Forget it.
Forget it? I chop wood for the stove five times a day. Every time I remember. I remember that across the tracks the Anglo miners have hot water in pipes. And bathrooms. Inside.
We did. It got lost in the shuffle.
What?
We can't get everything at once. Right now we've got more important demands.
What's more important than sanitation?
First we got to get equality on the job. Then we'll work on these other things. Leave it to the men.
I see. The men. You'll strike, maybe, for your demands -- but what the wives want, that comes later, always later.
Now don't start talking against the union again.
Esperanza, have you forgotten what it was like before the union came? When Estella was a baby, and we couldn't even afford a doctor when she got sick? It was for our families! We met in graveyards to build that union!
All right. Have your strike. I'll have my baby. But no hospital will take me, because I'll be a striker's wife. The store will cut off our credit, and the kids will go hungry. And we'll get behind on the payments again, and then they'll come and take away the radio...
Is that all you care about? That radio? Can't you think of anything except yourself?
Stop it! The children are watching. Stop it!
Never... never... never!
I did not mean to weep again. Why should I weep for joy?
I'm a fool.
Was it expensive, the beer?
Antonio paid for it.
Forgive me ... for saying you never thought of me.
What's the matter?
Mother of God ...have mercy ...
A fighter, huh?
He was born fighting. And born hungry.
Drink, drink, Juanito. You'll never have it so good.
What were they saying? About you? In there?
They say I am no good to you.
You are no good to me -- in jail.
Not just Juanito. You'll have it good too, Esperanza. We're going to win this strike.
What makes you so sure?
Let them take it!
Over my dead body.
I don't want your dead body. I don't want you back in jail either.
But it's yours. I won't let them ...
It's not fair ... I should be there with them. After all, I'm the one who got the women the vote.
No.
But the motion passed. It's ... it's not democratic of you to ...
The union don't run my house. Those Anglo dames stirred you up to make fools of yourselves -- but you don't see any of them down there.
Yes, I do. There's Ruth Barnes.
She's the organizer's, wife. She's got to be there.
NO, she wants to be there. And there's Mrs. Kalinsky.
There's Jenkins' wife. You don't see her on no picket line.
Anglo husbands can also be backward.
Can be what?
You all right?
Must've been some experience for you, huh?
Yes.
I guess you got enough today to last a lifetime, huh?
You might get hurt. Listen, if you think I'm gonna play nursemaid from now on, you're crazy ... I've had these kids all day!
I'm telling you. I don't stay home with these kids tomorrow.
How do you feel?
I'm okay. But it's nice to be home.
Four nights. How did you sleep?
Did you have to sign a pledge? Not to go back to the line?
But if you go back they'll lock you up again.
We've got to have a talk, you and me.
All right, but later. I've got a meeting now.
A meeting?
I waited up till midnight.
You weren't waiting for me.
That meeting only lasted ten minutes. The first night I'm home, and you run to the beer parlor. What is it? Can't you bear the sight of me?
Be still ...
Tell me.
We can't go on this way. I just can't go on living with you. Not this way.
Where are you going?
Hunting.
When?
Sun up.
Alone?
No.
Ramón -- you can't.
Why not? I'm not needed here.
But you are needed. Especially now -- with most of the other men away. You're captain of the stand-by squad.
Sure, the standby squad. Stand-by for the funeral.
Whose funeral? We're doing all right. There hasn't been a scab near the picket line for three days.
And you know why? Because the company knows they can starve us out -- even if it takes another two, three months. What's it to them if the mine's shut down a little longer?
It's a lot to them. They'd do anything to open that mine.
Aah! They've got other mines. You don't see the larger picture. They've got millions. Millions. They can outlast us, and they know it.
You mean you're ready to give up?
Ramón were not getting weaker. We're stronger than ever before. They're getting weaker. They thought they could break our picket line. And they failed. And now they can't win unless they pull off something big, and pull it off fast.
Like what?
I don't know. But I can feel it coming. It's like ... like a lull before the storm. Charley Vidal says ...
Charley Vidal says! Don't throw Charley Vidal up to me!
Charley's my friend. I need friends. Why are you afraid to have me as your friend?
I don't know what you're talking about.
No, you don't. Have you learned nothing from this strike? Why are you afraid to have me at your side? Do you still think you can have dignity only if I have none?
You talk of dignity? After what you've been doing?
Yes. I talk of dignity. The Anglo bosses look down on you, and you hate them for it. "Stay in your place, you dirty Mexican" -- that's what they tell you. But why must you say to me, "Stay in your place." Do you feel better having someone lower than you?
Whose neck shall I stand on, to make me feel superior? And what will I get out of it? I don't want anything lower than I am. I'm low enough already. I want to rise. And push everything up with me as I go ...
Will you be still?
This is what we've been waiting for.
What are you saying?
Why didn't you support her? You're the worst of the lot.
But honey ...
We can't think of them just as housewives -- but as allies. And we've got to treat them as such.
Look who's talking! The Great White Father, and World's Champion of Women's Rights.
Aw, cut it out, Ruth.
Don't horse me. Price of zinc's never been higher. They don't want no strike -- not with their war boom on.
Then why's the company hanging tough? They've signed contracts with other locals -- why not this one?
Because most of us here are Mexican- Americans! Because we want equality with Anglo miners -- the same pay, the same conditions.
Exactly. And equality's the one thing the bosses can't afford. The biggest club they have over the Anglo locals is, "Well -- at least you get more than the Mexicans."
Hear those deputies slugged 'Cente.
Go on. Spill it.
Well, you're the organizer. You work out strike strategy -- and most of the time you're dead right. But when you figure everything the rank-and-file's to do down to the last detail, you don't give us anything to think about. You afraid we're too lazy to take initiative?
You know I don't think that.
That's all right -- it's no secret. My name's Hartwell. I'm from the company's Eastern office.
You mean Delaware?
No. New York.
New York? You're not the Company President by any chance?
No ...
Too bad. The men've always wanted to get a look at the President. But you've come out here to settle the strike?
Well, if that's possible ...
It's possible. Just negotiate.
What are you doing here? Something wrong with Mama?
I thought maybe you forgot...
Forgot what?
Luís! Come down here!
Where's your mama?
Boy! Did you see the way Mama whopped that deputy with her shoe? Knocked the gun right out ...
Papa, can't I leave now? There's a meeting of the Junior Shop Stewards ...
The what!
The Junior Shop Stewards. There's lots of ways we can help.
Don't I have enough troubles without them shipping you off to reform school?
But Papa -- you need all the help you can get.
You've got to help around the house!
But you've got me doing everything. Mama never used to make me dry the ...
Ramón ... listen for the love of God ...
You ... You ... I'd expect it of an Anglo, yes ... but you ...
Ramón ... listen to me ... I'm in a jam ... I had to get a job ...
You Judas ... blood-sucker ...
Ramón -- listen my kids ...
Tú! Traidor a tu gente! Rompehuelga! Desgraciado!
My kids don't have enough to eat!
You think my kids have enough to eat, you rat?
I know, it's wrong. Just let me go. I'll leave town ... just let me go.
But you don't pull a strike when the bosses want it -- so they can smash your union. You wait till you're ready, so you can win.
And another thing. Your attitude toward Anglos. If you're gonna be a leader ...
What attitude?
You lump them all together -- Anglo workers and Anglo bosses.
He's a guest in my house, isn't he?
Sure. But you want the truth? You're even suspicious of him.
What you want to do is go back the way you came and make a left at the bottom. It'll take you right to the highway.
That's it?
Are you Australian?
No.
You got a bathroom I can use before we hit the road?
Yeah? First door on the right. It ain't that dirty. Just kinda' filthy is all.
No, I don't mind. That's how come I told you about it.
Bobby?
What?
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Rhymes with Simmy.
Yeah.
What can I do for you?
What?
Fuck man. Come on, Bobby.
All I saw was the headlights. The high beams were on.
Not even a guess?
Yeah, but he was in silhouette.
How about in the house?
They were wearing ski masks. I told you all of this.
Did you see his hair color?
What is it?
Ride 'em cowboy)
You like that?
Who wouldn't?
First rate, ain't it?
I wanna do a small buy first. Ten thousand. We'll see how it goes.
Why? The guys is ready to deal now.
Because I don't know him and I don't really know you, partner.
Now that's down-right insulting.
I guess I don't have a hell of a lot of choice.
Yeah.
Everything go?
Yeah.
Just make sure you come alone. This guy won't like any surprises
I ain't a idiot, asshole.
Look...I'd like to help you out ... but I really don't want to get involved.
Jesus, I look like a raccoon.
Oh God.
How?
What about the guy on the very bottom?
Leave me out of this.
Could be worse. Oh sorry, forgot who I was talking to.
Don't worry, he's probably passed out with his head in the toilet by now.
This man sounds like a real catch.
Oh, he's a keeper all right.
What?
Nothing.
Go ahead.
Look, it's really none of my business but why don't you just dump this guy?
It's not that easy.
Don't tell me, down deep he's really not a bad person and you don't want to see him get hurt.
Who the fuck are you, Dr. Joyce Brothers? I hate the son-of-a-bitch.
Then leave.
I can't.
Why not?
You don't understand.
There's nothing to understand. The guy is a pig.
I can't leave.
You get off on abuse or something?
Fuck you.
Then why don't you leave? Just give me one good reason.
Why don't you call the cops?
Why? They don't hold him for more than a day or two.
That's long enough to get out of town.
Then make sure he gets put away for longer.
Oh. Hi.
What happened to your eye?
Turns out I'm allergic to steel-toed boots. Go figure. By the way, I'm not looking for a matching set. Where's Quincey?
Don't worry. He's out of town.
How far out of town?
Miles Davis. "All Blues."
Never heard of him.
Just a fucked-up guy who played beautiful music.
Like you?
Dude played his soul right out the end of the horn. No false notes. Always honest.
And you admire that?
Is that how you play?
: What are you up to?
Nothing.
What do you want from me, Colette?
I don't want anything. Why are you so suspicious?
It gets me through the day.
Look, I can't help you with Quincey if that's what you're after.
This has nothing to do with him.
So you're just attracted to me, is that it?
Yes. Why do you find that so hard to believe?
How much time do you have?
What is wrong with you?
You've got a comeback for everything, don't you, Danny? You use 'em like some sort of shield.
Who the fuck are you? Dr. Joyce Brothers?
There you go again. You're nothing but false notes.
You don't like the tune, find another station.
What are you hiding, Danny?
You think you're the only one down here with a sad story?
Who is it?
It's me.
I'm kind of busy.
We been through that.
What about a battered woman's shelter? You can move you kid in with you.
I need my paycheck.
You can still work.
He knows where I work.
It's not that easy. I just got a raise. I need the money.
From day one. I was a breach birth. They tried for hours to turn my little butt around. But I wouldn't let 'em.
Ass first into the world.
Why not?
What's wrong, Danny?
No. I want to know what the hell is going on.
No, you're wrong, I tried to tell myself the same thing but I could have gotten up. I could have done something.
They would have killed you too.
Really, I don't want to.
What is it?
Never mind. Just do what I say. He holds out the baggie. Colette backs away.
Will you do that? Then I want you to get out of the room.
Why?
You're good, princess. I'll give you that.
Colette, go.
I don't want to leave you.
I knew that if these were the guys I was looking for, I'd have to set up a deal so sweet, they wouldn't be able to walk away from it.
That's when he called me. He told me his story and he pitched me a plan.
How you holding up?
I'm fine. Little nervous...little disappointed that I didn't finish this myself.
Oh shit
What?
Who is it?
All right, Nancy, how'd you track me down?
Closure? How do you find closure when her killers are still running around out there?
I found forgiveness in my heart for the people who killed my daughter. I gave my grief to Jesus Christ.
Is that what you want me to do? Put it all on Jesus? Let him sort it out in the afterlife?
You've got to deal with this sooner or later, Tom. You can't keep hiding.
Maybe I am dealing with it.
I'm genuinely happy that you found some peace, Nancy. But you can't forgive for Liz. No one can. And you can't forgive for me.
Your hatred makes them stronger and you weaker.
I don't buy that. There's a place for hatred. Did you know that Liz and I got into an argument the night she was killed? I acted like an ass and I never had a chance to apologize to her. Do you know what that feels like?
It's not too late to show her you're sorry.
How the hell did we get this detail?
What time is it?
Twelve
Where to?
I know a guy.
Nice day
I hadn't noticed. I've seen you around. What's your name?
Jimmy. Everyone calls me Jimmy the Finn.
Why's that?
My features. They're Finnish.
You don't say.
Finland is a country.
Nice dealer you got there, Jimmy.
I'm hurting.
You on a roll?
Was. I'm on the fucking ghost train right now, man. You got anything for me?
Sorry.
Why does it have to feel so bad?
That's a good one.
I'm serious, dude. You always seem to be on top of things, even when you're tweakin'.
So, why'd you want to see me?
Business. I need to leave town and I find myself in dire need of some cash.
What?
You. You're smooth. You use words like dire and shit. You got language skills, man.
Don't get carried away.
You remember that guy you told me about ... said he could handle a big hook-up?
Yeah, Pooh-Bear. Dude is a big-time cook. I'm talking dire.
A quarter? Danny that ain't even worth ...
Fuuuuuck
Can your man handle that?
I think so. I mean, we'd have to talk to him.
Can you set that up?
I'm getting a 10% finder's fee from my man if I can get the right price.
Jimmy, where do you find these people?
You wanna score some go-fast?
Hey, why do you need a gun and a vest anyway?
You know, Jimmy, you might as well put a sign on the back of this thing asking the cops to pull you over.
You mean, like to throw 'em off?
Yeah, that's what I mean. Where the hell does this guy live anyway?
Palmdale
Why do they call him Pooh-Bear?
I think on account of his nose.
You're going to have to explain that one.
He doesn't have one.
You ever see Queen Elizabeth sleep?
You want a hit?
Can I ask you something?
Sure, Jimmy.
What does J.F.K. stand for?
John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
Was he the president?
Danny?
Yes, Jimmy.
What's this?
Tem thousand dollars. Everything I could spare. It's for you.
But why? You only owe me five. And that's not till after we close the deal tonight.
Okay
Wait till I tell you what it is.
Why?
Jimmy, look, there's something I have to tell you.
What the hell is that?
What?
But...I've seen you.
When? When did you ever see me use?
This isn't like that Queen Elizabeth question, is it?
No one ever noticed?
But... why? Why would you pretend?
I can't tell you.
You don't trust me?
I don't trust anybody.
Wait If you don't trust me, why did you tell me that stuff about not using drugs?
I don't know... a little. I wish you would have let me in on it from the beginning.
Nah... I want to keep it. Maybe I can use it for like, inspiration ...you know...like when I detox?
Wouldn't be a favor if you were paying me. I'll just take my five when the deal is done.
Then why don't I see any pictures Of me up there?
That was my idea.
By not disgracing her memory!
What does that mean?
You don't understand.
I'm gonna get this developed and send it to the Warren Commission.
Um, I think the Warren Commission has been closed for a while.
Yeah, I uh, have a buyer who's looking for about a quarter's worth.
Crank or glass?
I'm sorry. Would you like a taste?
No, I'm good.
Not bad.
Can we talk price?
Make me an offer.
I don't know, 14,000 a kilo?
I deal in U.S. pounds, friend. None of that faggot metric crap for me.
Okay ... How about um .. 6,000 a ounce.
You're serious?
Anything for a dear friend.
But I just met you.
So that's 40 lbs. at 6 a pound then?
If you say so.
Maybe you're the one who isn't taking me seriously.
Why do you say that?
I welcome you here with open arms and you got the nerve to low-ball me like some slick used car salesman.
Hey, I was just trying to ...
I want to tell you about the last guy who tried to jam me up on a deal.
You want to do this some other time?
Pull your pants down.
I'm sorry?
Come on, guys ...
Pooh-Bear. come on, man. What is this? It's me, Danny. I thought we had a deal.
Captain Steubing thinks you might work for the police.
Don't address me. I didn't make the accusation.
Please .. I don't know what you're ...
Shoot him.
Now get talkin'
CAN I PULL MY FUCKING DICK OUT?!
I ought to just call this whole thing off right now.
Don't do that. Please. Or I'll kill you. Please, Danny.
What the hell was that? Who told you I was five-0?
Did it ever occur to you that someone might cop to something they didn't do rather than have their balls chewed off by a rabid weasel?
What the hell is this?
Just some buddies.
This is bullshit. You didn't say anything about anybody else being here.
Cool it. We got business.
I've got a hot one.
You go, boy.
Feeling the paranoia tonight, are we?
You got a name?
Bobby, rhymes with hobby.
What?
Never mind. Dude had a backfull of jailhouse tatts.
No last name?
Yeah. Pretty sure. Oh yeah ... he had a spear gun, too.
God damn, Flynne, you are one observant tweaker.
Danny, I'm touched.
You think I'm a Judas?
Hard to compare the people you're taking down with the Lord.
Garcetti thinks I'm a pile of shit.
Thanks for not judging me.
It's not my place.
Don't you wonder why I do it?
You don't find that repugnant?
Just the way the world works. Look, as far as tweakers go, you aren't a bad guy. You never hurt anyone but yourself as far as I know.
Tell that to Bobby ... and his wife and kid.
I was getting to it.
If he finds out it's me, I'm a dead man.
Look, we'll talk to the A.D.A.
When?
What the hell are you doing here?
Question is, what are you doing here?
I was trying to score some dope.
Cut the shit, Flynne.
Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?
You think this is funny motherfucker?
I met the guy at a party. He said he wanted to do a biggie. He's new in town so I offered my services.
This chink have a name?
You better not be blowing smoke up My ass, Flynne.
What're your taking down?
Did you really think you were slick enough to pull this off?
You've got no choice.
Whata you mean I've got no choice?
Well, if you'd rather do a stretch in la casa grande ...
For that old possession charge? Gimme a break.
Bullshit. He's a liar.
News-flash, Tanner. I'm a fucking rat.
That's because he doesn't have one.
Whata you mean? He told me -
Guy scores dope and dollar from ripping off other drug dealers. As least that's what the word is.
What's to stop him from just ripping me off then?
What? Is it bad?
I'm afraid so, Danny.
That's real sweet, Garcetti. Thanks.
Murder. Beautiful.
Took a pig-slicker to the heart.
Jesus.
I thought you'd be happy.
Danny?
Whatever you say, man. Look ... can we talk about this?
Please ... don't do this ...
This the guy?
That's him. He's a lot prettier in person though.
Cut to the fucking chase, Flynne.
Dude is bugging. Transparent spiders, plastic men - the whole nine yards.
Then why didn't you help the kid when you were there?
I'll tell you why you didn't help - because you're a chickenshit tweaking snitch. You're a bottom feader, Flynne.
Danny, it's really pains me to have to tell you this, but do you remember DOMINGO, that wetback you helped us put away for trafficking a few months back?
Yeah. What about him?
Turns out he's connected.
To who?
The Mexicali Boys
He knows somebody ratted him.
What?!
Fuck you, Garcetti. I been at this for almost a year. I've done everything you guys have asked of me.
We know what's going on.
Jimmy?
Who the hell is Jimmy?
He's the only one I told.
What's on the other end of this thing?
Now that I can help you with. Nasty boy ... goes by the name of Pooh-Bear. He's a chef. Check with Palmdale P.D. I'm sure they're keeping box scores on the guy.
Sounds like you hooked up with some fine citizens, Flynne.
What's that smell?
That would be me.
What'd you do, piss your pants?
Who'd have thought it? Danny "Chickenshit" Flynne trying to go large right under our noses.
Lay off, Garcetti. I'm not in the mood.
Excuse me?
Several possession charges, but nothing major.
Why doesn't Palmdale P.D. just raid the guy?
You're lucky, Flynne.
Funny, I don't feel lucky.
We're coordinating with Palmdale P.D.. We'll have your sorry ass covered.
Speaking of which ... you run that license plate for me?
Come on! Who is it? Domingo's boys?
When is the deal going down?
You know, I'm starting to think I'd rather take my chances with Domingo than go through any more of this shit.
Nervous?
A virtuoso rendition. TOM VAN ALLEN is nothing short of dazzling in his interpretation of Miles Davis' haunting, moody piece.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
And he has a really hot ass with hardly any hair on it.
Again, I thank you.
You, madam, are a heartless wench.
And you've got wiener breath.
Really?
Tom, let's spend the night here.
There's no motels around here.
Why didn't you just ask for directions back there?
Come on, where's your pioneer spirit?
You mean like the Donner Party?
Hey, do you think you could eat me if you had to? And if so, which part do you think you would find the most delicious?
Tom, quit fucking around.
You think that's a good idea?
What do you mean?
First you want me to ask for directions, then you don't. Which is it?
I wanted you to ask back there. You know, before you got us lost.
Just no pleasing you, is there?
Just admit you're wrong.
We all know how much you like hearing that. Okay, Liz, I was wrong. There. You happy?
Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Tom. It gets old.
No. You know what gets old? Being reminded what a loser you are every time you screw up.
Here it comes, poor Tom.
But that's okay, Liz, you're the one with the steady job, you pay all the bills. I'm just an unemployed musician. You have every right.
My sentiments exactly.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
And believe me, word will get out that you're a pro rat.
Golly, I hadn't thought of that.
She's 57 and she's been teaching third grade for the last 33 years.
We're in business.
Just make sure you hit the floor when we come in. It could get ugly in there.
Where's Bubba?
Danny, listen up. Here's the deal ... my wife's pimp knows a guy who works at Cedars Sinai medical lab. They're getting a very special delivery a week from this Friday.
What is it, drugs?
What is that? Rum and coke?
Don't worry about it.
I just want to be straight on the details. Can I taste it?
Jesus Jimmy, you at the alpha team.
Find a chaplain.
Report.
Sector four is secured, we put out the last three German one-fifty-fives, found them about two miles in from Ponte du Hoc.
Resistance?
A company, Wehrmacht, no artillery, we took twenty-three prisoners, turned them over to intelligence.
Casualties?
They didn't want to give up those one-fifty-fives, sir.
It was a hard assignment, that's why you got it.
Yes, sir.
Where are your men now?
Pinned down, a mile east of here, waiting for some help from the navy guns.
I'm sending Simpson to take over for you, the division is going to Caen, you're not coming with us, I have something else for you.
Sir?
There's a Private James Ryan who parachuted in with the Hundred-and- First near Ramelle. I want you to take a squad up there. If he's alive, bring him back to the beach for debarkation. Take whoever you need, you've got your pick of the company.
A private, sir?
He's the last of four brothers, the other three were killed in action. This is straight from the Chief of Staff.
But, sir...I...I...
Spit it out, Captain.
Alright, I'll give you that. Continue.
Good luck, John.
So, where are you from?
You writin' a book or somethin'?
As a matter of fact, I am.
I'm Jackson. I'm from West Fork, Tennessee. My pappy's a preacher. Him and his two brothers got a ministry, The Blessed Church of the Wandering Gospel.
In West Fork?
In the back of a nineteen and thirty- one stretch Hudson with a big ole' trailer.
No kidding.
I don't make jokes about things of, or related to, the preaching of the Holy Gospel, including the ministerial calling of my family.
So they travel around from place to place and preach?
We got us a tent, forty-two feet across, eighteen feet at center, hundred-and-ten foldin' chairs. Circuit's eleven towns, covers all 'a Hasset County and most 'a Weller County. I expect that upon completion of my military service I will be joinin' said ministry.
Thirty-ought-six, Norton long-barrel with dual-groove, parallel rifling, elevated three-glass scope and a single-throw hammer.
The Army gave you that?
Yep.
You must be a hell a shot.
That must be four thousand yards.
Forty-two-hundred, I figure.
Did you see what he did, back there? He stepped right into the open, so I could get across.
Jackson?
No one's gonna win the money for the simple reason that the Captain never was a civilian. They assembled him at O.C.S. out of spare body parts from dead G.I.'s. I know this for a fact.
You got somethin' against the Cap'n?
If we find Ryan and he's still alive, that son-of-a-bitch is gonna carry this goddamned B.A.R. back to the beach for me.
Army life is too dang easy, my feet have gone soft. Back home, we go out squirrel huntin', I walk forever and a day and then some, don't even raise a blister.
Reiben, how many time I got to tell you, I'm from Tennessee.
Last I knew.
Fuck Private James Ryan, fuck him, just fuck the goddamned son-of-a- bitch.
Shut up, will you?
You shut up, this is the most fucked up mission I ever heard of. Goddamned Ryan, fuck the little bastard.
Just shut up, Ryan didn't kill Wade.
You know what the best possible thing that could happen is?
So, that's Ryan.
He's right, we can't shoot him...well, we could but we'd get in an enormous amount of trouble. And he's right about the bridge, it's a hell of a lot more important than he is.
Yes, sir.
Y'all come back.
Reiben, are you makin' fun 'a the way I talk?
What do you think?
I think I'm we got that eighty-eight.
He ain't half-bad, I guess.
He ain't Wade.
Well, I'll be goddamned, I knew it.
No kiddin'?
Me? I'm walking with my hound, Lucy, it's about an hour 'fore sunrise and we're out huntin' coon. I got me a flask of pure Kentucky mash whiskey...
Jackson, how many times I got to tell you, you're from Tennessee.
Captain, my feet are most uncomfortable. If I'd 'a known we was gonna have to walk all the way to Ramelle, I never would 'a volunteered for this here mission.
You didn't volunteer, Jackson.
Sir, I have an opinion on this matter.
I'd love to hear it.
Reiben, I want you to listen closely to Jackson. This is the way to gripe. Jackson, continue.
Yes, sir. It seems to me, sir, that the entire resources of the United States Army oughta be dedicated to one thing and one thing only, and that is to put me and this here weapon on a rooftop, smack-dab in the middle of Berlin, Germany. Now I ain't one to question decisions made up on high, sir, but it seems to me that
Where?
In the shadow by those two trees.
We left them eighty-eights.
Watching.
What the hell's the matter with you, Jackson?
Sir, I ain't feeling so chipper on account of Wade.
Sir, I understand what you're doin', but I respectfully request permission to grieve in my own manner.
You'll grieve the way I tell you to goddamned grieve. There is no Wade, there was one, but he died a long time ago, he's been dead for so long you can hardly remember his name, you understand?
Sir, I understand. I don't like it, but I understand.
Not yet.
I'm in my backyard, lying in my hammock, with my arm around my wife, listening for the sound of breaking glass.
Say what, Cap'n?
You see, I've got the best house in all of Addley. It's not the biggest house, but it's got the best location, right next to the junior high baseball field. The garage windows face left field. The guy who owned the house before me had these heavy screen S put over them. The first thing I did when I bought the place was take
Don't that get kind of expensive, Cap'n?
It's worth it.
Sorry, sir, fresh out of trucks, how 'bout a '38 Ford Roadster, hard-top, red with black interior.
White-walls?
No white-walls, sir, there's a war on. NOT THERE, YOU GODDAMNED IDIOT, OVER THERE! I can't help you, sir.
A half-track, anything.
How about that jeep?
A paratrooper named Ryan. He's going home, if he's alive.
Senator's son?
I know about bracketing. I read about it. The next one is going to land right on us.
You can tell all that, just by the sound, sire?
Glad of it.
On the other side of the street, crouches in a doorway with Jackson. Upham is a bit in shock, less from the nearness of the bullets than from what Miller just did for him.
Sir, I'm sorry about what happened, I...
It was nothing.
But you could have gotten killed and I...
Upham?
Pass.
I wasn't made for this.
It looks like a Renoir.
Yes. Do you know Sibelius' Fourth Symphony, The Normandy?
I've been humming it.
I heard.
It seemed appropriate.
You know classical music?
Some.
Over three-hundred.
I'll tell you what, if I'm still alive when it hits five-hundred, I'll let you know and we'll split the money.
If that's the way you feel, why don't we wait until it's up to a thousand.
Five nights ago, he found this paratrooper caught in a tree with a broken leg. The leg got infected. Last night he went to Ville Cholet to get a doctor. The doctor refused to come and when he got back, this is what he found. The Krauts must have shown up while he was gone.
No, but he heard firing, just east, less that a kilometer.
What is it?
Good luck, Captain.
Don't need it, I'm a cat, I've got five lives.
The men said, nine.
What do they know? I had nine, but I feel through the ice when I was seven, my brother pulled me out. Then I used one when a grenade landed in my foxhole in Sicily, it was a dud. I figure one on the beaches, one on the cliffs and two getting here.
That only leaves three.
I wonder where they're going.
I'd like to stay, too, Captain.
I can tell what the gunners had for dinner.
What about our grenades?
Those are Tigers, they have six-inch armor, they don't even notice grenades.
Would they notice and eighty-eight?
Sure, you got one?
Upham, you've got to learn the difference between whining and griping. You can't just rely on natural ability, you've got to study and practice.
But, sir...
There you go again, that's whining, that's not okay.
Goddamn it, sir...
What'd you say, Captain?
Captain, what about our deal?
GO!
CAPTAIN, IF YOUR MOTHER SAW YOU DO THAT, SHE'D BE VERY UPSET!
Worked, didn't it?
You tryin' to get yourself killed?
Caen?
I wish. You and I are taking a squad up to Ramelle on a public relations mission.
You? Leading a squad?
Some private up there lost three brothers, got a ticket home.
What about the company?
Simpson.
Simpson? Jesus Christ on a fucking pogo stick!
I want Reiben on B.A.R; Jackson with his sniper rifle; Beasley, demolition.
Beasley's dead.
Okay, Wade. Translators?
Fresh out.
What about Talbot?
You get a translator, Captain?
Now we've got a straight shot, due north, to Ramelle, twenty-six miles, two villages between here and there, St. Mere, then Bernay. We'll take the jeep as far as we can, then go on on foot.
We in radio contact with anybody up there?
A fucking mess, two maybe three Kraut divisions, no fronts, no lines, the drops were completely fouled up, we've got little pockets of paratroopers all over the place, trying to hang on. Command says we hold St. Mere, but north of that, it's all Krauts. Even if Ryan's where he's supposed to be, he's more than likely dead.
Hell of a mission.
Uh, Captain...
PUSH!
Got it, sir. We gonna go take care of those eighty-eights?
He's right, Captain, it might be kind of dangerous for those flyboys.
You ever going to open those letters? Miller keeps his eyes on the maps.
Maybe.
It's not normal, not reading letters from home.
Since when have things been normal?
You got me. Afraid of bad news?
Nope.
You think they'll be alright?
They're fine. As long as they can gripe, they'll be alright.
They guys here aren't going to be able to hold out until battalion shows up.
Nope.
Command isn't going to let them withdraw and the Germans sure as hell aren't going to let them surrender.
Three for three.
If we stayed, we could make a difference.
You're kidding yourself.
I hope this boy Ryan is worth it.
Now you're the one kidding yourself. Hell of a mission.
Makes you feel small, doesn't it?
A couple of weeks. It started in Portsmouth when they brought us down for loading.
Is it getting worse?
No. It comes and goes. It stops when I look at it.
You may have to find yourself a new line of work, this one doesn't seem to agree with you anymore.
Yeah? What rule of thumb is that?
How about I go right, sir?
How about...?
HOLD YOUR FIRE!
Pulls Wade's hands from the wound. Pours sulfa powder.
SHOVES THE NEEDLE into Wade's neck. Thick vein. Pumps the morphine straight to Wade's brain. Motions impatiently to Sarge.
More morphine, hurry up, come on, come on...
Hesitates. Then drops his sulfa. Fumbles in his pack. Finds the morphine.
You alright?
What was the name of that kid at Anzio, the one who got his face burned off?
Vecchio.
Yeah, Vecchio, I couldn't remember his name, he was a good kid, remember how he used to walk on his hands and sing that song about the man on flying trapeze?
Yeah.
You know why I'm such a good officer? Because of my mother. Have I ever told you about her?
Bits and pieces.
She's the best poker player you ever saw. My father used to go to these Saturday night games and lose his shirt. Finally, my mother gave him an ultimatum, either she gets a regular seat at the table or she locks him in every Saturday night. He squawked and so did his buddies but after a while they gave in and from the first
And what about your own hand?
No problem. A pair of deuces? Less? So what? I bluff. It used to tear me apart when I'd get one of my men killed, but what was I supposed to do? Break down in front of the ones who were standing there waiting for me to tell them what to do? Of course not, so I bluffed, and after a while, I started
It could be worse. You know the first thing they teach you at O.C.S.? Lie to your men.
Oh, yeah?
Not in so many words, but they tell you you can have all the firepower in the world and if your men don't have good morale, it's not worth a damn. So if you're scared or empty or half-a-step from a Section Eight, do you tell your men? Of course not. You bluff, you lie.
And how do you bluff yourself?
Simple, numbers. Every time you kill one of your men, you tell yourself you just saved the lives of two, three, ten, a hundred others. We lost, what, thirty-one on the cliffs? I'll bet we saved ten times that number by putting out those guns. That's over three hundred men. Maybe five hundred. A thousand. Then thousand. Any number you want. See? It's simple.
Except this time, the mission IS a man.
That's the rub. I liked Wade. Who's Ryan? If they're both standing in front of me and I have to shoot one or the other, how do I choose? Look at my hand, there it goes again.
John, I've got to tell you, I think you're about used up.
I think you're right, Keith.
No, but if I get any worse, you'll have to relieve me.
You know Wade was the eleventh of the twelve, you're the last one still alive.
I know.
Don't let yourself get killed, if you do, they might make me give back the medal and then I won't be able to lip off to colonels anymore.
Thanks for drawing that machine gun off me.
You're welcome, John.
Sarge, see what you can do to make those buildings inhospitable.
What do you think?
Well, if we had ten times the men and a lot more ammo, we might stand a chance, but not against those tanks.
What are we going to do?
Uh, oh.
Reiben, I don't know what I'd do without you. Sarge, keep Ryan close to you and alive.
Captain, can I put in for a transfer?
Sir, what if they send some other company into Caen ahead of us while we're pinned down here?
So, you ever heard of employee discounts? My uncle sells shoes, gets twenty-five percent off everything in the line, got a closet filled with the best looking shoes you ever seen.
Just picture some French number been spending all day, every day, making cream-colored, shear-body negligees with gentle-lift silk cups and gathered empire waists, what the hell you think she wears at night?
Reiben, how the hell do you know so much about lingerie?
There's a war on, good chance they're not still making lingerie in Caen.
I don't think so, Captain.
Strides through the chaos, avoiding the passing vehicles. He sees his men and walks toward them. Reiben hurries up to Miller, pleading.
Please, sir, you can't take me to Ramelle, I gotta go to Caen, sir, please, I told you, they make Caen lingerie there, it's beautiful, it's the best there is, it's...oh, please, sir...
Sorry, I need a B.A.R. man, you're the best.
No, I'm not, Kaback is, honest. Or what about Faulkner? Or that little guy with the glasses?
Trust me, you're the best.
Captain, can I ask you a question?
Sure, Reiben.
Captain, I gotta tell you, the irony of this mission is fucking killing me.
Yeah, how so?
I should be on my way to Caen, sir. It's like Beethoven, the guy's one of the greatest composers ever lived and he goes deaf. Go figure, I mean, who'd he piss off? And here I am, the Beethoven of ladies foundation garments, one step away from Caen, the center of the known lingerie universe and instead, I'm going to Ramelle to save some
There's to be a bright side, look for it.
Sir, you know what Ramelle is famous for? Cheese. The rest of the company is going to Caen and we're going to the goddamned cheese capital of France. There is no bright side.
There's always a bright side.
I'm listening, sir.
General Gavin is going to be very irritated at you, Captain.
Jesus Christ, he's a natural!
Captain, could you please explain the math of this mission to me?
Sure, what do you want to know?
Well, sir, in purely arithmetic terms, since when does six equal one? What's the sense in risking six guys to save one?
Ours is not to reason why.
Huh?
Never mind, don't worry, we'll pick up this kid, high-tail it back to division, everything'll work out fine.
I'd much rather die in Caen than Ramelle, sir. It's a personal thing.
Reiben, there's a fairly good chance you're not going to die at all.
Well, maybe not the Captain, but the rest of us have mothers.
Reiben, what's the matter with you? I don't gripe to you. I'm a captain. There's a chain of command. Griping goes one way, up, only up, never down. You gripe to me, I gripe to my superior officers. Up, get it? I don't gripe to you, I don't gripe in front of you. How long you been in the army?
In addition, as I pointed out earlier, I have a fondness for cheese and I hope to have the opportunity to sample some of the Ramelle products, when we arrive there, to see if they live up to their excellent reputation. Moreover, I feel heartfelt sorrow for the mother of Private James Ryan and I'm more than willing to lay down my life, and
Sir, if you were not a captain, I would compliment you, now, for being an excellent liar.
Any further thoughts on the subject?
Yes, sir, as a final note, I'd like to say, fuck our orders, fuck Ramelle, fuck the cheese capital of France and while we're at it, fuck Private James Ryan.
Sir, I've got an idea, let's go around.
Goddamn it...Goddamn it...Goddamn it...
Up. We're moving out.
I thought you said we had an hour, sir?
I've given this a lot of thought, sir. The best thing that could happen is, we find Ryan and he's dead.
Why's that?
Well, sir, consider the possibilities. A: Ryan is alive. We have to take him back to the beach. Knowing you, you don't let him carry my gear, even though he really should, and we all get killed, trying to keep him alive.
Except for the last part, that one's not bad.
B: Ryan is dead. He's been blown up by the German equivalent of Wade, whose name I know you don't want me to mention. There's nothing to find. The biggest piece is the size of a pea. We wander around, looking for him until the Germans pick us off, one after another.
I don't like that one.
Neither do I, sir. C: And this is the worst one, we find Ryan and he's wounded. Not only does he not carry my gear, we have to carry his gear. And him.
But we accomplish the mission.
Maybe. But what if he dies on the way back? you see what I'm saying, sir? The best possible situation is, he's dead, we find his body, more or less intact, we grab one of his dog-tags and high-tail it back to the beach, or better yet, we head over to Caen and catch up with division.
Has anyone ever told you, you're officer material?
No, sir.
Scans the Germans with his binoculars.
Looks like they've been having a hell of a party, here, Captain.
I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. HERE WE COME. Cover me.
What if our guys open up, sir?
You're only allowed to shoot at Germans, that's one of the rules.
Yes, sir, of course, sir, I was merely speaking hypothetically. IF this was a voting situation, then the vote would have been unanimous. But of course, it's not a voting situation, you're the captain, and you give the orders, sir.
Maybe Caen.
Leave him to me, Captain, I'll have him pissing and moaning with the best of us.
Cocks his Thompson. Settles down behind some sandbags.
HERE THEY COME!
Goddamn it...Goddamn it...Goddamn it...
What deal?
I wonder if his cabin is still available?
Hears the FAINT DISTANT RUMBLE OF THE TANK. Barely has time to react. Sees:
Here they come.
FIRES a burst. Germans drops.
Continues FIRING. CUTTING DOWN the advancing Germans.
Goddamn it!
Private. I'm sorry about your brothers but staying here and getting yourself killed isn't going to help.
Sir, if the Krauts are holding this bridge when division shows up, our guys are going to be sitting ducks.
The hell you aren't, you're comin' with me if I have to drag you every inch of the way. You hear me, Private?
Thank you, sir.
Yes, sir.
I'd like to go, sir.
Don't do that again.
You set? Sarge nods.
Is jumped on by one. Upham FIRES. KILLS the German.
Doesn't move. He just stares at Sarge's body.
FIRES THE EIGHTY-EIGHT.
Yes, Private.
Upham and Jackson, what were they like?
Upham? Good kid, smart, he was writing a book.
Jackson was from West Fork, Tennessee, he was going to be a preacher, his father and uncles have a traveling ministry out of the back of a stretch Hudson.
And Sarge?
So what? I've got three satchel charges, six gammon grenades, a dozen- and-a-half pineapples, and all my regular gear. You don't hear me complaining.
That's because, as I have pointed out on numerous occasions, you are a happy idiot.
Oh, Christ, now we gotta listen to that grandfather thing again.
Fine, you convince yourself you got a pack full of feathers and goddamned Private James Ryan can carry my fucking gear.
Reiben, you can be very unpleasant to be around sometimes.
You want unpleasant? Just wait, I can do much better than this.
Wade's right, it's some kind of scientific, magnetic thing, I can't explain it, but I've seen it.
Hell, I don't mind this mission, sir, as long as there's something up at Ramelle for...
Shit, sir.
Fertilizer, Captain, I think we're in a cranberry bog.
Who cares?
I care. Don't you know what Caen's famous for, Sarge?
Frogs?
Lingerie.
I usually like surprises.
Damn fool. Sir.
Jesus, Reiben, think of the poor bastard's mother.
So, where are you from?
But everybody's heard of him, he won the Congressional Medal of Honor, he saved a dozen men.
We know.
Sir, I ran the 220 in high school.
On guard, glancing back. Pissed off.
Goddamn it...Goddamn it...Goddamn it...
I don't know, I kind of like Wade's idea about the cruise ship. I've never been to Tahiti.
Demolition, right?
How do you do it?
You think he really believed it?
How fast?
Twenty-four-five.
I'm supposed to be leaving on a fellowship that I worked for my entire life. I don't even care. I met this boy over the summer, and I, I can't see him because of this, I can't talk to him, I can't talk to my father about... I wore these clothes, I thought, I thought that if I looked right and if I acted
We believe that your father operates in a large pool of cash that comes from phoney billings, phoney patients. We've been investigating him for five years. We believe that when they die, he takes their money.
Pardon me?
Look, why don't you check it out for yourself? See if your father fits the profile.
What's the profile?
Well, take a look around the house. Is everything nice, but not too nice? Are there lots of, uh, rugs, pieces of art, stereo equipment, uh, furniture, a lot of things bought with cash? Does he give a lot of gifts? Do the major items in your house cover around the nine thousand-dollar range?
You're trying to get me to say something, that's why you're telling me all of this.
Don't let your father's business infect your life.
How can you, how can you say that?
Because he's guilty.
No, no he's not.
Jesus. What, I live in a palace, right? I have guests here.
Understanding the following rights...
Speak with my lawyer.
So you refuse to answer my questions?
Just come down to my place of business, for god's sake. I have people here.
Mr Court, be aware that we will be contacting a number of your business associates...
This evening is over.
The, uh, Cynthia Branson estate was worth how much? Because her family...
What family? We never heard from them. I sold her house for them, made them money.
Hmmm. Your income, Mr Court, hasn't changed substantially in seventeen years.
That's right.
Why would you stay so long with an operation that is so clearly not a growth enterprise?
Hi.
Is it a gift for your wife? Are you getting a set together?
No, I'm not married. It's for my daughter.
For going to school?
Yeah, she won a fellowship.
Good for her.
I'll take the whole set.
Thanks, I like yours too.
I'm sorry, but they turned down your card.
Oh yeah, let me give you another card.
Keep it.
You're sure?
Lloyd?
Hey, sis.
It's no problem. I called Mom and Dad in Germany; it's like they were there.
I hope you understand.
Why do you eat that stuff? There's no food in your food. Not too loud, the red line's there for a reason.
How do you know how to draw the red line anyway?
Because it's loud enough so the neighbors don't complain, that's how come I know.
Why can't you be his uncle and not his playmate?
Jesus Christ. I get in a good mood. How hard is it just to decide to be in a good mood, and then be in a good mood?
Gee, it's easy.
Look, I'm really sorry that Mom and Dad made you take me in. Really. If it's such a big deal, I'll go. But remember this, it used to be fun. It used to be warped, twisted and hilarious, and I mean that in the best possible way, I mean it as a compliment. I mean, I'm sorry T-I-M left you. But I am not
I was hilarious once, wasn't I?
Yeah.
You're tough, J-man.
I'll be in my office.
No, no, don't go in there.
Hello Constance. It's me, Lloyd... nothing, I'm just driving around... she broke up with me... what do I do? Can't she come back? How can I get her back?... I can't think, talk to me... I fucked up... I feel like crying... she gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.
Lloyd, honey, just come home, okay?
That's unlikely.
The movies are a good second date, you know, as a date?
But you never had a first date.
Yes I did- I sat across from her in a mall. We ate together. We ate, that's eating, sharing an important physical event.
That's not even a scam.
What's a scam?
Then what's love?
I'm gonna call her.
Sounds great to me, I'm going to call her, that's what's cool about her.
Look at those eyes.
Lloyd, give it up.
Do me a favor; take a picture of me with her.
Lloyd.
C'mon, just do it.
C'mon Lloyd.
Please?
That's just so embarrassing.
Wait for me for when I get round to the front.
You are such a great person Lloyd. I'm a good person, but you are a great person.
Hang in there, man.
Yes.
See you tomorrow.
Did you sleep with her?
Alright, alright, alright, calm down, alright, calm down. Nothing's different.
Lloyd, listen to me. EVERYTHING has changed. You've had sex. No matter what you might think, nothing will ever be the same between you two. You might be sixty. You might be walking down the street, and you'll talk to her about something, whatever. But what you'll really be thinking is 'We had sex'.
So, what's your point?
Alright.
Lloyd, send her flowers, write her a letter. Something.
What does it say?
I draw the line at seven un-returned phone calls.
No, you're not a guy.
I am.
The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy.
I don't feel anything.
Come on, it's graduation.
Did you see what Mr Carroll wrote in my yearbook? Well, he ridiculed me all year long, and then he writes, "You're a real live-wire, Love Mr Carroll." Y'know, it's all so phoney.
He wants to leave things on a good note.
Trapped in the body of a gameshow hostess.
I wouldn't get my hopes up Lloyd.
Lloyd is doomed.
Meaning?
I told him to be himself.
Lloyd, it's us.
Look at his face, he did the deed.
Wait a minute.
You've got to show her respect, you've got to show her that you're not like Joe...
Wait a minute.
And above all, just because this happened gives you no right whatsoever...
You know I just sit here listening, and you never let me talk.
What? I'm sorry, talk.
"Dear Diane, I'll always be there for you, all the love in my heart, Lloyd." I've never gotten a letter like this, have you?
I wrote sixty-three songs this year. They're all about Joe, and I'm going to play every single one of them tonight.
I just saw Joe. He's here.
Why?
It's too much pressure, it's not his crowd.
Hey, I know this is a strange thing to say, but maybe Diane Court really likes Lloyd.
I can't give you that. This guy's been ripping off grandma and grandpa for seventeen years. He's been getting it from every end. I'd love to hear his story.
One hundred thousand dollar fine and three months?
One hundred and twenty-five thousand and nine months.
I can accept that.
And I want to turn the home over to the state.
He'd like to start serving immediately.
I can put that together.
Confirm this with my office and my client.
I'll put this past my boss
Lloyd, she's being difficult.
That was a mistake. The rain on my car is a baptism. The new me. Iceman, power Lloyd. My assault on the world begins now. Believe in myself, answer to no one... You probably got it all figured out, Corey. If you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.
Visit her at the home.
I'm not going back there. I don't even know who you're talking about.
Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?
Well, it's almost over. We've gone to school together for three years... I might cut that part out.
Having taken a few courses at the university this year, I have glimpsed our future, and all I can say is... go back.
Ha! Go back! What a great line!
You like it?
Oh yeah!
I didn't think anyone would get it.
Oh no, no, it's... it's wonderful. It's... no, don't worry about it. You're very funny. Go back, that's great!
Alright, no more, I'm going to save it.
Ha!
Dad, you have to teach me to suture this weekend.
What are you doing?
God, that's... this is ridiculous.
Now this is the only thing your mother ever gave me that I kept. Now it's yours. Go ahead, open it.
They really applauded you today honey.
I was standing up there and looking at all the people, and I felt like they didn't know me. I mean, maybe I shouldn't have taken all those courses out of school, because everybody thinks I... forget it.
No, wait a minute. Everybody thinks you're what?
Everybody thinks I'm a priss.
Diane, in a million years, you could never be a... priss. It's all working out for you honey, don't you see? It's all working out, just like we planned. All the years of summer school, all the vacations you gave up, it's all working out just the way we planned...
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
I'm sorry.
I love you dad.
What?
I just had a phone call.
Tell me, is it bad news?
No, no, just listen. You won the Wreath fellowship.
Are you kidding? You're not kidding? You're not kidding!
You won it. You're going to study at the finest institute at England, the toughest fellowship in the country, and you won.
I won?
God, I'll have to go on a plane.
Don't do this to me. You're too good at making me nervous.
Morning honey.
Dad, I'm so glad I went. Goodnight.
Wait a minute. How was Lloyd?
Lloyd was such a gentleman. He was funny and nervous and strange, and I met people that I never would have met before, then I blew it. I called him basic. Can you believe I did that?
Goodnight.
She's not the world's greatest flyer, let me tell you. When she was eight years old, she...
Dad.
Well, let me start it. I'm flying down to Los Angeles on business, and I decide to take her on her first aeroplane.
I knew how planes flew, but I was still a little nervous.
So anyway, they closed the doors, and she starts to scream. I've never in my life heard anyone scream quite like that.
And then you got up and you told them to turn the plane around.
Which they did. Let me finish.
Okay, I give up.
Oh yeah. There was, uh, somebody on the plane worked in a recording studio, and, uh, we got this telephone call, this guy is making a sound effects record, and he'd gotten our address and he wanted to know if he could come over and record her scream.
Morning.
Dad, I'm sorry.
You should be.
I was irresponsible, I should have called.
You bet you should have called. You still live at home. Don't make me call the police at three-thirty in the morning, don't make me call hospitals.
Dad, I'm so sorry. I know this is a bad time.
You've always called before, always. Now I'm not asking what you did, I just want to know that you're alright.
I'm fine.
Do you wanna make things easier on me? Now tell me where you were because this is, this is bullshit. You can say anything to me, I hope you still know that.
Lloyd?
Dad, yes. And I'm scared to death of what you must think of me right now.
Did he ever get rough with you?
Dad, maybe I shouldn't go with all that's happening to you.
You're going.
But listen, if I had a friend in the same position, I would tell her to delay a year.
You're going.
It doesn't feel right to me. I, I don't even have the right luggage yet.
Bon voyage.
You're not listening to me.
Diane! Alright, let's stop this right now. Let's not put our energy into something ridiculous. This isn't even smart thinking.
Do you love him?
I like him a lot.
Unbelievable. This is a nightmare.
Diane, you owe it to yourself to get on that plane with no attachments, no strings, because after you get over there, things are going to change. People change.
Dad, you and I have talked about this. Lloyd and I have talked about this. Believe me, this is well-covered territory.
Dad, in a million years, I would never give him a pen. What's wrong with having some fun? I like him.
'I like him'? Diane, I'm talking about being honest with people, being decent...
If I pick it up, we'll only get back together.
Dad, are you okay in there?
What happened to you?
Dad, did you do it? Did you take that money?
Sweetheart, no. Don't be ridiculous.
Swear to god, I need to know the truth.
Honey!
Swear to god.
I swear to god.
But I found the money.
Honey, it's not what you think.
What am I supposed to think?
Honey, about what?
You stole from them, you lied to me. How do you think that's supposed to make me feel?
You think you know what this money is?
Yes, I...
No, you don't know what it is. It's not for me. This money's for you, for when you come back from England with honors to set you up, so you don't have to depend on anybody again. Diane, I take better care of these people than their families do. I care for them, I give them flowers, I feed them, I wipe their mouths...
No, but you stole from them.
I made their lives better.
You let me believe you. You knew you were guilty, and you let me become a part of it. God, how... how could you...
Alright, alright. Go ahead. When I'm old, give me someone like me, but go ahead.
I trusted you. I stood up in court five years ago and I picked you.
Why are you being so hateful to me? Is this because of Lloyd?
No. I told you everything, you lied to me. I would have done anything for you.
That's right, work it out.
No, I will. I don't want to leave something out because I know I can say anything to you. You're a liar, and a thief.
Take it easy how mad you make me, I'm the only dad you've got.
I'm so ashamed dad.
Don't say that, it's not good for you. You're...
Hello.
Hi.
Mom, please?
Diane, I do have a history with this man, and it's not the greatest. I see you so seldom, I'd really rather know about you.
This is me telling you about me.
You know, I don't even know if you've got a young man in your life?
I just wonder what could be more important than what's going on with dad.
If we could just talk about boys everything would be so much easier. You know, your room is always ready for you, you can always come home if... alright, what do you want me to do?
If they ask you questions, and they probably will ask you questions, would you please say something nice about him mum? Help him?
Alright.
You will?
Thank-you. The real world.
No noise, no sound, no movement, nothing! Hello, Diane?
Hi. You called me?
Yeah. I read about your fellowship in the paper, and I'm very glad you called me back.
Yeah?
Yeah. I just wanted to congratulate you on your scholarship to England, and I wanted to tell you that I thought your speech was really incredible.
Thank you very much.
Whoah, what a day, huh?
Yeah. What a day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Quick question - do you know who I am?
Yes, we sat together at Bell's Square.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember?
No, I read it on the message.
Okay, um, so it's Lloyd and... uh... uh... let's go out. Do you wanna go out?
Oh, thanks, but I'm busy.
Busy?
Yes. Things are pretty hectic right now, but thanks.
Are you busy on Friday?
Yeah, I have to help my father.
Are you busy on Saturday?
Saturday, I have some things to do around the house.
So you're monumentally busy?
Well, not monumentally.
What about tonight then, are you going to that party at Valhere's?
Hmmm....
Actually, I think that I...
Well...
No tips. I won't give you any tips of any kind.
I'll go.
Pardon me?
I'll go.
Alright. This is really great. Alright, we're going out. It's a date. It's a scam. Whatever, whatever, alright, I'll pick you up at what, eight O' clock?
Eight.
Eight. Eight O' clock.
Goodbye.
Whoa.
Would you hold this for me?
What are these?
They're Bavarian Death style pretzels.
Oh. Um, would it be terrible if I wanted to go home early?
Keymaster?
Yeah, I have to judge who can drive home and who can't. I have to keep their keys.
So it's an honor?
So we can finally talk?
He does this every year?
Thank-you.
Have a good sleep.
Alright, this is some of the things they wrote me; "Glad I finally met you", "You always seemed nice", "Wish I could have known you more"...
Mine say stuff like "Lloyd, see you around maybe"
Nobody knew me before tonight.
They knew of you. Now they know you.
Yeah, but I feel like I fit in for the first time, you know? Like I just held them far away from me, and they did the same to me.
That's cool then.
It's just you and your dad, right?
Yeah, but that's an old story, you don't want to hear it.
Sure I do.
Well, my parents split up when I was thirteen, and... god, I actually had to... I went into court and I had to choose between the two of them. So I chose my dad. It just felt safer that way, you know?
Thanks. But either way it still feels...
Twisted?
You know what?
What?
You're a great date. I've never really gone out with someone as basic as you.
Basic. Hmmm.
So what's your job this summer?
Job? Being a great date.
No, I'm serious.
So am I. I want to see you again. I want to see you as much as I can before you leave. I said it.
I only have something like sixteen weeks.
Sixteen weeks is a long time.
Then call me tomorrow.
Today is tomorrow.
Yeah.
Boy, this is a mother dictionary.
Nice one.
Yeah?
I think you should wear that.
You think so?
Oh.
After work?
I usually have a break after the dinner service, if you want to stop by.
Won't you see me later?
I know you think my job is strange. You don't like old people, do you?
Me? Sure I do.
Come on.
I think that's ageism, and that's, that's being prejudiced against people because they're old. Maybe their mouths don't work as well as yours.
Stop by later.
Okay, bye, I will.
Okay, bye.
You have to meet Bess.
Okay.
She's amazing. She's ninety-three, she's a writer, and I told her about you.
Yes.
What did you say?
It's okay, everybody does that.
I just don't want it to get too heavy. I feel really overloaded. I have this theory of convergence, that good things always happen with bad things. But I know you have to deal with them at the same time, but I just, I mean I don't know why they have to happen at the same time, I mean, I don't know why, I
No.
I just can't have any social life right now.
Don't worry about it. We're just having coffee. We'll be anti- social.
Be friends?
Yeah. With potential.
Yeah, just keep going first, keep going around. Get the feel of it, feel the clutch, when you put it in a little?
Yeah.
You know how it'll come out and feel... y'know... little more, little more... Yeah, yeah, that's right. Go round just at first, keep it in first, just feel it.
I'm doing alright.
Yeah. Now, when you feel like you're confident,...
Yeah?
If you'll just maybe ease it into second.
Okay, this is important...
Am I wrecking my car?
Yeah, a little bit. Listen, this is important. When you feel it start to give, put the clutch in.
Little more gas. Ease it up. Hold on- minor setback. Now you feel confident, right?
Yeah.
Now, go into second. Little more gas... Yeah! You can get this whole problem. Now, maybe you downshift to first?
This is so noble.
Let's get outta here. You want to?
Are you comfortable?
Yes. Are you shaking?
No.
You're shaking.
I don't think so.
You're cold.
I don't think I am.
Then why are you shaking?
I don't know. I'm happy.
Check your mail tomorrow. I sent you a letter, a letter.
Your letter came yesterday.
It did?
Uh-huh. It was wonderful.
Why didn't you tell me?
It was wonderful.
I've never sent a letter like that, you know? I mean, I felt like I wanted to tell you something, but I didn't put it in the letter, and I didn't say it, but I want to say it now, I'm not sure if I should say it, you know, 'cause people always say it and don't mean it, but I think that I
No, we don't have to say it.
How do you know what I'm going to say?
I don't know what you're going to say, but I think that...
I was just going to tell you that I love you. I said it.
I know. Lloyd, let's not start putting things on this level.
What? This is a good level, isn't it?
How can I look at you and say this?
I think that we should spend some time apart.
What's wrong?
Well, I need to study, and...
You need to study?
Yeah.
Okay, how much time do you need? I mean, you know, I mean you'll be leaving in a little while, so that's answered some questions.
We'll see.
Okay. It's good knowing this.
Okay, what did we just decide?
We decided...
'Cause I'm worried, did you just break up with me?
No, no.
It sounded like you did.
No. We decided that we're friends. I mean, I know it's a terrible word...
Well, if we're friends, why can't we see each other?
I think that we should stop going out on dates.
I feel like a dick. You must think I'm a dick.
No, I don't, I don't.
Yeah you do.
Lloyd, we shared the most intimate thing two people can share.
You shared it with a dick.
No I didn't.
Is this because of your dad?
No.
Did you talk to Corey?
Why, did you tell Corey what happened?
She figured it out. I'm sorry if that upsets you.
No, that's fine. She'll tell everybody, but that's fine.
Did you tell anybody?
Just my dad.
You told your dad?
You have Corey and DC. I have my dad.
What, I'm sorry I said that. Forget I said it, it's what I thought I meant, but forget it.
Lloyd, I love you, okay?
What is that? What are you doing with your hands? Talk to me, you're talking like that girl Sheila.
Don't be mean, this is hard for me too.
Then don't do it.
What do you want?
I'm sorry.
What do you want?
My father's guilty. He lied to me, he lied to everybody. I just left home... I need you.
You do?
Everything else means nothing to me. If I hurt you again, I'll die.
Hurt me again? Not a chance, don't worry about it.
I love you.
What?
I love you. How many more times do I have to say it?
One more time would be nice.
I'm fine.
Okay.
Alright, high level air safety tips. If anything happens, it'll usually be in the first five minutes of the flight, right?
Okay.
So when you hear the smoking sign go 'ding', you know everything's going to be okay.
Good to know.
Right, I'm just going to keep talking until that ding happens, which is going to be soon.
Okay.
Alright, personalised flight care from Corey. Books, cassettes, magazines, anything?
How's it going?
Nobody thought we'd do this. Nobody really thinks it's going to work, do they?
No. You just described every great success story. Alright, it's alright.
Man, all you gotta do is find a girl who looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her man, get her off your mind.
It's your castle, man.
Man, you never had a chance with a girl like that.
Hey man, I was in love once. I got hurt really bad. I never wanna go through that again.
You're freaking out here man.
Yeah.
YEAH!
He's back. Hey my brother, can I borrow a copy of your 'Hey Soul Classics'?
No my brother, you have to go buy your own.
PAIN!
Jim Court?
Hello. May I please speak with Diane please?
Sorry, Diane isn't here at the moment.
Uh... okay... um...
Is this the guy with the Mustang?
No.
The guy with the Datsun?
No.
The truck?
Why don't I just get your phone number, that's usually how it works.
Okay, I'll give here the message.
Okay. She's really pretty great, isn't she?
What?
She's really pretty great, isn't she?
Yeah, she is. Good luck.
Okay. Good afternoon. Goodbye.
Hi. Lloyd Dobler, sir. Pleasure to meet you.
Hello Lloyd.
Hello. Heard about that graduation present. Really quite a car. Look, I know you're busy, you don't' have to retain me, but you can trust me. I'll tell you a couple of things about myself, I'm nineteen, been overseas for a couple of semesters, but now I'm back. I'm an athlete, so I rarely drink. Kickboxing. You heard of kickboxing, sport of the future?
Fine Lloyd.
How ya doing? Is she around?
Thanks Lloyd.
How do you pay for one of those?
Yeah Lloyd. What are your plans for the future?
Spend as much time as possible with Diane before she leaves.
Seriously, Lloyd.
I'm totally and completely serious.
No, really.
Hi, Lloyd. This is my eighth and final call...
Go ahead, pick it up if you want.
She wouldn't get out of the car. I brought her all the way here, she said she was going to come here, and she wouldn't get out of the car. But I thought that is was important, that she come to see you, because I know that if you go somewhere and you don't deal with your family stuff, then you're just gonna, she's
Are you going to England with her Lloyd?
That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about sir.
Are you?
Am I going? Am I going to England? I've thought about this quite a bit, and I've realised what I probably should do is just carve out a goal for my future and find out what I wanna do with my life, do all the stuff that I've been avoiding in a big way. I mean, Diane and I can wait for each other,
Well Lloyd, I admire you for not hitching a ride. You know, my daughter's a lot different to you.
I know.
She's very successful.
I know
Very talented.
I know. But then I reconsidered. 'Cause I figured out what I really wanna do with my life, what I want to do for a living is I wanna be with your daughter. I'm good at it.
You're not a permanent part of her life. You're a distraction.
I'm the distraction that's going to England with her sir. Are you alright sir? Are you okay?
"You can't know the horrible disappointment I feel..."
I know this part, keep reading.
She can't still be angry at this, it's gotta get better.
It does, it does if it's the version signed 'I still can't help loving you'. Read that.
Just her name.
Joe. Joe. She's written sixty-five songs. They're all about you. They're all about pain.
So what's up?
Stop freaking with her head man. Just stop playing with her mind, you know? She's a human being. She's a person. She's very talented, you know.
My car.
Diane Court.
Lloyd. Lloyd Dobler, I've got you.
How ya doin' Miss Evans?
You missed every one of your career counselling sessions. Call me obsessive, compulsive, but let's do this right now.
No way.
Lloyd.
Don't make this like a counsel, Lloyd. I got statistics I can show you, I got graphs I can show you. That's all the stuff I can show you, it all says the same thing. You have to decide on a career.
My dad's a lieutenant colonel in the army, he wants me to join, he wants to pull some strings. I mean, there's no possible way.
Lloyd, everybody in that party put something down on their record except you.
How many people really know what they want though? I mean, a lot of them think that they have to know, right? But inside, they don't really know, so, I don't know. But I know that I don't know.
Oh boy.
Hey.
Mike Cameron, how you doing?
What?
Mike Cameron. This is one fresh jam, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, hey, oh god. Listen, I wanted to... I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to ask you, how did you get Diane Court to go out with you?
I called her up.
Yeah, but how come it worked? I mean like, what are you?
I'm Lloyd Dobler.
This is great, this gives me hope. Thanks.
Ooop, excuse me.
How you doin', brother?
It's gotta stay purple. All night. Hey Lloyd, how ya doin'?
You know Diane Court?
Oh, I was just going to...
A very responsible young man you're out with tonight.
I was gonna...
Thanks a lot Lloyd.
You know, every year I throw this party, every year nobody helps me clear up. Why am I yelling?
I don't know.
I don't know. Good on you man. Alright Lloyd.
Maybe we'll come by tomorrow, help you clear up or something.
Certainly.
We finally graduated, big dude guy!
I love you man
Give me my firebird keys!
You must chill! You must chill! I have hidden your keys. CHILL!
I love you man.
Alright, I love you too. Go to sleep.
We're full on bonded.
Later for you, Luke.
Oskar - my friend Lena.
How do you do? What can I get you, what're you drinking?
Nothing's changed. Then again, something has changed, hasn't it?
Things worked out. I made some money over there, had some laughs, you know. It was good.
Now you're back.
He's essential. Without him, everything comes to a grinding halt. If that happens -
Itzhak Stern? He's on the list.
Well, let's find him.
He's on the list. If he were an essential worker, he would not be on the list. He's on the list. You can't have him.
What's your name?
Sir, the list is correct.
I didn't ask you about the list, I asked you your name.
The gentleman thinks a mistake's been made.
You know what, you'd like her.
Oskar, please -
What -
I don't have to like her just because you do. It doesn't work that way.
It's not a charade, all this?
Luck.
What?
Should I stay?
Should I stay?
Your friend Amon Goeth has been arrested.
I'm sorry to hear that.
There are some things that are unclear. We need to talk.
All right, okay, let's talk.
In Breslau.
We started without you.
You know, they told me you were going to be trouble - Czurda and Scherner.
He looks great, though, doesn't he? I have to know - where do you get a suit like that? what is that, silk? It's great.
I go to work the other day, there's nobody there. Nobody tells me about this, I have to find out, I have to go in, everybody's gone -
They're not gone, they're here.
Every day that goes by, I'm losing money. Every worker that is shot, costs me money - I have to get somebody else, I have to train them -
We're going to be making so much money, none of this is going to matter -
It's bad business.
Scherner told me something else about you.
Yeah, what's that?
That you know the meaning of the word gratitude. That it's not some vague thing with you like with some guys.
Do you have any idea what's involved? The paperwork alone? Forget you got to build it all, getting the fucking permits, that's enough to drive you crazy. Then the engineers show up. They stand around and they argue about drainage - I'm telling you, you'll want to shoot somebody, I've been through it, I know.
It's true. Never happen in Cracow, though, we all love you too much.
You held back Stern. You held back the one man most important to my business.
He's important to my business.
What do you want for him, I'll give it to you.
I tried to call you, I'm running a little late, this is taking longer than I thought. Have a drink.
What's going on?
You took my workers.
They're taking mine. When I said they didn't have a future I didn't mean tomorrow. Auschwitz.
When?
You want these people.
What are you, Moses? What is this? Where's the money in this? What's the scam?
It's good business.
Oh, this is "good business" in your opinion. You've got to move them, the equipment, everything to Czechoslovakia - it doesn't make any sense.
Look -
You're not telling me something.
It's good for me - I know them, I'm familiar with them. It's good for you - you'll be compensated. It's good for the Army. You know what I'm going to make? Artillery shells. Tank shells. They need that. Everybody's happy.
If you admit to making three, then it's four, actually. But how?
I just told you.
Yeah, all right, don't tell me, I'll go along with it, it's just irritating to me I can't figure it out.
Where are the guards?
What's that?
You don't recognize it? Maybe that's because it's not what I asked for.
You asked for shoe polish.
My buyers sold it to a guy who sold it to the Army. But by the time it got there - because of the cold - it broke, the whole truckload.
So I'm responsible for the weather?
I asked for metal, you gave me glass.
This is not my problem.
Ghetto Police. I'm a policeman now, can you believe it?
Hey, Poldek, how's it going? You know about the list? You're on it.
Of course I'm on it.
What do I got for you?
I want to thank you, sir, for giving me the opportunity to work.
The SS beat me up. They would have killed me, but I'm essential to the war effort, thanks to you.
That's great.
I work hard for you. I'll continue to work hard for you.
That's great, thanks.
God bless you, sir.
Yeah, okay.
Like this?
You have any idea what a shirt like this costs?
How many?
How you feeling, all right?
Yeah.
What's the matter, everything all right at home? Mila's okay?
What's wrong with it?
Good. How's it going?
What are you doing?
I'm having a drink, come on in, we'll have a drink.
I mean where have you been? Nobody's seen you around for a while.
I've been here. I guess I haven't been out.
I thought maybe you'd like to come over, have some dinner, some of the people are coming over.
Oskar, good of you to come.
Are you kidding, I never miss a party. Police Chief Rasch, my wife Emilie.
Thank you.
I need a drink.
Oh, God, you don't have a drink?
One of these days the Russians are going to show up unannounced at my gate. I'd like the chance to defend myself. I'd like my wife to have that chance. My civilian engineers. My secretary.
We're losing the war, aren't we.
It kind of looks that way.
Pistols?
I'd never ask you for money, you know that. I don't even like talking about it - money, favors - I find it very awkward, it makes me very uncomfortable -
No, look. It's the others. They're the ones causing these delays.
What others?
That'd be fine.
The place produces nothing. I shouldn't say that - nothing it produces reaches the Army. That's not all right.
So I'll talk to him about it.
He's a friend of yours, you want to help him out. Tell me this, though - has he ever once shown you his appreciation? I've yet to see it. Never a courtesy. Never a thank you note. He forgets my wife at Christmas time -
He doesn't deserve your loyalty. More important, he's not worth you making threats against us.
I was just the accountant.
Once the war ends, forget it, but for now it's great, you could make a fortune. Don't you think?
Get the contracts and I'm sure you'll do very well. In fact the worse things get the better you'll do. It was a "pleasure."
Jews, yeah. Investors.
Jews can no longer own businesses, sir, that's why this one's for sale.
Pots and pans.
I don't know anybody who'd be interested in that.
What was that about the SS, the rate, the ... ?
The Jewish worker's salary, you pay it directly to the SS, not to the worker. He gets nothing.
I could try to read this or I could eat my lunch while it's till hot. We're doing well?
Yes.
Better this month than last?
Yes.
Any reason to think next month will be worse?
What?
Don't ever do that to me again.
You try to be fair to people, they walk out the door; I've never understood that. What's next?
Christmas presents.
This, I don't know, maybe you can trade it for something.
I got to go, I'll see you.
You think I don't know what you're doing? You're so quiet all the time? I know.
Are you losing money?
No, I'm not losing money, that's not the point.
What other point is -
You have to understand, Goeth's under enormous pressure. You have to think of it in his situation. He's got this whole place to run, he's responsible for everything that goes on here, all these people - he's got a lot of things to worry about. And he's got the war. Which brings out the worst in people. Never the good, always the bad. Always
And killing.
I'll admit it's a weakness. I don't think he enjoys it. All right, he does enjoy it, so what? What do you expect me to do about it?
I'll talk to him.
I think it's too late.
Four hundred, four fifty -
Eight hundred, give or take.
That's very generous of you.
We need to talk.
They arrived.
Well, that's to be expected. They have to understand. These are start-up problems. This isn't pots and pans, this is a precise business. I'll write them a letter.
They're withholding payment.
There's a rumor you've been going around miscalibrating the machines. I don't think that's a good idea.
I know what you're saying, but I don't see the difference.
You don't? I do. I see a difference.
I'll talk to you later.
I could've got more ... if I'd just ... I don't know, if I'd just ... I could've got more...
If I'd made more money ...I threw away so much money, you have no idea. If I'd just ...
There will be generations because of what you did.
I didn't do enough.
It's got nothing to do with reality, Oskar, I know it and you know it, it's a matter of national priority to these guys. It's got a ritual significance to them, Jews shoveling snow.
I lost a day of production. I lost a worker. I expect to be compensated.
File a grievance with the Economic Office, it's your right.
Would it do any good?
A one-armed machinist, Oskar?
What's he done that's so bad - take money? That's a crime? Come on, what are we here for, to fight a war? We're here to make money, all of us.
He's stealing from you, Oskar.
We know that, son.
The killer was trying to get to her. That sorority girl was a distraction.
I can do it, Captain.
How's the name search going?
Can't we hold him?
No, we got pressure from California State. The man practically has clemency. We can't run the risk of falsely accusing him. He has to be standing over the victim with knife in hand before we make a move.
We're going to bring her in. Hide her out for a coupla days. And we're issuing a campus lock-in this evening. No one is allowed out after dark.
Have you checked the...
Attic, garage, basement, nothing.
We don't know if it's random. We haven't been able to connect the victims.
Jesus Christ. Captain Tyler flies out of his seat and into action.
He's broken his pattern.
They've broken their pattern.
You're sure about this two person thing?
I would say we are now officially baffled.
No, they broke up again. Bailey won't stop drinking and Sarah can't take it anymore.
thought he was doing AA.
That shit. He only calls you when he's drunk. Don't go over there.
I won't.
Don't. Think Bailey.
No, some creep asshole trying to scare me.
Shit.
What is it?
I heard a noise.
Kill, kill, kill, kill, hah, hah, hah, hah...
Stop it...
Outside.
Don't do that. Hang up...call...
What? I can't hear you...
Hang up...call...
I'm losing you.
...campus security...send someone...check out...place...
Yes.
Who is this?
Cici. Who's this?
Someone who wants to talk to you.
Oh, I'm sorry. My bad. I thought you were someone else.
That's okay.
Who do you want to speak with? Nobody's here.
Where is everybody?
We're co-sponsoring the Acid Rain mixer at the Sig Ep. house tonight.
Why aren't you there?
I'm designated driver. I have to be here in case a sister calls and needs a ride.
That's too bad.
"Drink with your brain." That's our motto. Who are you calling for?
What if I said you?
What if I said goodbye?
Why would you wanna do that?
Why do you always answer a question with a question?
I'm inquisitive.
Hello? Ted?
WHAAAATT?
Jesus, you scared me. What are you doing here?
I live here.
I thought you were going to the mixer?
I had to change. Did anyone call?
Tina, it's Dawnie. I'm on my way. Cici follows her back into the living room.
Cotton.
Can we talk?
I don't think that's a good idea.
Look, yesterday wasn't my idea. That was all Gale and dollar signs and ratings.
What do you want from me, Cotton?
You could start with an apology.
I did that.
You wrote me a letter. Very cordial. Very appropriate.
How? What could I say that would make a difference? I took away a year of your life--how do I apologize for that?
I wish it was just a year. I lost everything because of you. I have nothing now. Look at me, this is what I've become. A long silence. Sidney is hanging on by threads.
I just thought if I saw you face to face, maybe it would help.
Did it?
It helped me realize one thing.
What?
It’s perfect, Sidney. No one will ever suspect me. I have proof. I’m the victim.
I get my revenge and make some fast cash.
It’s over, Cotton.
You know the story, Gale. Man falsely accused, sent to prison, proved innocent, released back into the real world and never trusted again. Want the exclusive?
Now, Gale, you were so instrumental in my freedom. You're not having character doubts now, are you?
You have a right to be angry.
No, Gale, I don't have any rights. You made sure of that.
Cotton, I've done nothing but help you.
Don't do anything stupid, Cotton. You've come to far.
Look, I'm sorry about the face.
Job hazard. Debbie Salt, stringer-- NEWSWEEK. Answer a few questions?
Fair enough.
Well, you know I'm dear to the subject matter.
And much richer as a result.
Do I know you? You look familiar.
I took your vulture seminar seminar at Berkeley last year.
Hi, Gale, any leads?
Tons and tons.
Where is Sidney's father?
Home--where he lives.
And are the police sure about that?
Why don't you ask them?
Already did. He's the perfect suspect, don't you think?
No, I don't.
Parents are always responsible. It all starts in the home.
I couldn’t believe you didn’t recognize me. You even interviewed me for your book.
Jesus, you’re just as whacked as your son.
What are you going to do?
Finish what my son started.
But you’ll never get away with it.
How do you put up with this Greek shit?
My documentary is due on Tuesday.
What's your subject?
I could use some therapy.
I think he's doing Dolly.
"And I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you dreamed of offffff. I wish you JOYYY."
Are they aware of your not so positive portrayal of Greek life?
Not one bit.
Where's Sid?
She dumped me.
No way.
Yeah.
How are you? You weren't in class. I called as soon as I heard...
I skipped. Too many "That's her" looks.
I'm sorry, baby. What can I do'?
It's okay. I can peddle toilet paper.
Where have you been'? You missed my shining moment. I won the macaroni sundae binge.
About what?
Lemme take you home.
This is exactly what I don't want.
My screwed up life shouldn't have to bleed onto my friends.
Let us decide that.
What about your film? Isn't it due next week? Have you even started it?
I had the four o'clock shift. You weren't there. You had us worried. Is everything okay?
No, it's not.
I don't really know what happened in Woodsboro, Sid. But I know you don't trust me.
It's not you, Derek. I don't trust myself. I tend to make big selection errors when it comes to men.
Go on, untie him.
No. This is a set up.
Why?
Poor Cotton, could life be a little more cruel?
Yeah, we’re trying to send a message to Hollywood. I’m really getting tired of all the happy endings. It’s just not reality. In the real world the good guys die, the innocent are punished, and the murderers inherit the earth.
Two.
So you'll relieve me at 2:30...
Where's Sid?
Damned if I know. She ditched me.
You weren't supposed to leave her alone.
She's got guards with her.
What guy?
He seemed harmless.
Need some help, honey.
Yeah, you look quizzical yet pensive.
Ever see NATURAL BORN KILLERS? Well, Derek and I have this whole Mickey/Mallory-Woody Harrelson/Juliette Lewis thing going on.
I really don’t like that comparison, honey.
He hates Oliver Stone.
He sent me the cutest e-mail.
I read her postings on the horror movie chat boards and fell hopelessly. Hook, line...
We have our own website now. We dedicated a whole page to you.
You’d me amazed at how many of us there are out there. It’s a whole world, Sid. You’re really popular amongst the demented.
You’re the one who got away.
Of course not. Who wants to? What’s the point if we don’t get caught? Where’s the glamour in that?
The way I see it. We’ll be arrested. Go to prison. Cash in on the home footage. Secure a book deal. If all goes as planned, our trial should coincide with the release of STAB II.
A verdict and premiere all on the same day. I love it.
We’re hoping for the death penalty. I have this whole DEAD MAN WALKING swan song exit planned.
And now, drum roll please...
A twist ending if you will.
Yeah, we really had our work cut out for us. It really is the curse of the sequel. The Billy/Stu thing’s been done.
..so we had to be different but yet the same because if you venture to far away from your orginal story you completely alienate the audience...
And we didn’t want to do that, Sid. We wanted to give you your money’s worth.
So we found a compromise.
Or it found us.
We have a surprise guest star waiting in the wings.
Just for you, Sid.
Oh yeah. We figure the one of us that actually kills you will get a little more press. It’s been an ongoing discussion. Heads or tails?
We had to have financing.
Hello, Dwight.
Miss Weathers.
I've been trying to reach you but you haven't returned...
Yes, Miss Weathers, your name is embedded clearly between my ears.
I see you read the book.
Yes, I do retain reading skills. Shock.
And an explanation is, of course, out of the question.
Page 32. "Deputy Dewey filled the room with his dim-witted Barney Fifish presence." I think you've explained yourself.
Oh Dewey, I'm sorry.
You have every right to be upset.
Page 41. "Deputy Dewey oozed with inexperience."
I never meant to imply...
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry.
So what made you change your mind about Sidney?
Mood swing. I'm manic depressive.
You're a hard one to figure out. GALE It's that complex yet shallow quality. It's deliberate.
I think you're all an act.
And deep down I'm a good person? Make no mistake, Dewey, I'm a shit.
I know that.
Yeah?
Not good. How you doin?
If you were truly a copycat, wouldn't you want to emulate everything about the killer that you could?
Meaning?
He's already gotta be a part of Sid's life. What do you know about this Derek?
Solid alibis. He was with Sidney when she was attacked.
You broke my heart.
What are we looking for?
A bloody knife. A ghost mask. Something like that?
Can we turn the light on?
And it's sexier in the dark.
Dewey, you and I would never make it.
Maybe not. But think about the sex. As frustrated as I am...
..and as lonely as I am...
They're roomates.
And Joel's pre-med.
The sorority girl was gutted with autopsy precision.
Shit! It's both of them. The first murders were to throw us - using the same names as Woodsboro. But they've moved on- -they're getting closer to Sidney. They're not looking for a Himbry or a Tatum to kill. They're looking for the new Tatum.
Ssshh! What was that?
This is all too familiar.
Maybe they never got here. He could have taken her anywhere.
Jesus Christ!
Let's go.
Dewey?
Three hundred people watched? Nobody did anything?
They thought it was a publicity stunt.
Oh my God. How could it happen?
They don't know. It was carefully planned. Earlier in the day the victims received anonymous passes to the movie.
As of now, they don't see any relation. But they're checking it out. The state, Special Task Force, FBI--they're all here. They'll find the guy.
Yeah, right.
Look, Sid, why don't you take off? Disappear for a few days. I'll come with you.
You go, it's all stairs, I can take it from here.
Don't worry...
Dewey, I'm completely equipped with mace, alarm whistle, keyring, knife, a degree in defensive combat...
Just in case...
The police are waiting outside. They're going to take you somewhere safe.
Dewey, there's no such place.
Hey, I got stuff to do. But I'll find you later, okay.
Who is this?
Who are you?
That's not the way we play the game.
I don't play games.
What do you want?
Where are you?
Oh--a God complex
What do you want from me?
What do you mean?
You are writing another book, aren't you? That's why you're here. The story's not over.
You're getting obvious.
No, Gale, I'm just getting started. Seeya soon.
No, wait...
Sidney. Hello. How are you?
I'm okay. PEOPLE magazine won't stop calling but other than that...
I'm sorry.
Yeah, well...you are the definition of mixed emotions. I really should hate you... I see your movie's getting good reviews.
It seems to be causing a stir. What's with the toilet paper?
It's hell week. I'm pledging the Deltas.
It's good to see you involved.
Sid, I'll come with you.
What?
Someone’s trying to kill me. I need the police.
Are you in danger now?
Yes, goddammit!
Where is your attacker?
I don’t know.
Stay under the safety light. Help is on its way.
Lucas and his Romper Room stage.
I have rehearsal.
Shut up. Mickey, you and I can take her late evening.
Sig Ep's gotta band, tonight.
He tried to kill her first.
I got a surprise for you.
"If I should stay. I would only be in your way. So I'll go. And yet, I know, I'll think of you each step of the way...
Don't do this.
You're going to get it. You know what happens.
Knock yourself out.
Time to change numbers again?
Okay, you're sure about skipping Calculas?
Please, I have the perfect excuse.
What about rehearsal?
Gotta.
That was good.
Who is that guy?
It's okay. Look, Hallie, I'll meet you outside.
No, girletta, I don't leave your side.
We're missing the Sig Ep party.
No, Hallie, not tonight. Parties and mass murderers don't go together. Trust me.
It's okay to break, girl. You shatter if you have to.
Can I come with her?
I'm the only one who can cut him down.
Oh, Sid, you’re sounding desparate. I guess fearing death makes one anxious.
A patio chair comes flying through a glass door. The young girl in the movie tears off running, SCREAMING, flying through the room.
The young girl runs by a window. She looks in. A GHOST MASKED KILLER stares back. The Figure CRASHES through the window attacking her. She fights him off, getting away, running...
The Ghost advances on the young girl, grabbing her, pulling her to him, raising high a long, hunting knife. The young girl is helpless...
The young girl, clutching her bloody chest...drags herself, crawling across wet grass...the killer behind her...raising his knife again.
Popcorn flies as Maureen falls forward, into the aisle, clutching her bloody stomach. She's speechless, unable to SCREAM. She holds her bloody hand out for all to see, begging for help. She stumbles down the aisle. Someone YELLS "Sit down." Maureen turns to several PEOPLE who begin to react. She turns behind her to see the Ghost Face coming at her again...knife raised.
The young girl is slashed again.
How many guys they have on you?
I've been waiting for you, baby.
Randy Meeks. He was with Sid that night in Woodsboro.
Her old boyfriend?
And white.
Easy black boy.
Have they questioned you yet, Sid?
I gotta hit the library. Anatomy. Some of us have real majors. You gonna be okay, Sid?
You're not allowed to ask that.
I'll stop by the Deltas tonight.
Perfect. I'll be outta Micro-bio and we can grab a bite.
Sid, I'll seeya tonight.
..this week's TKE kegger...
Ne ask that you sell individual squares of toilet paper for a mere nickel a piece.
It's all about sisterhood. Everybody thinks its about partying and blowjobs but...
..we only promote safe rubbered sex.
..it's really about family and tradition...
..harmonica style is okay.
Hello?
Gale?
She's not here right now.
What do you care? Let 'em have their fun. So, what's up?
What's your favorite scary movie?
SHOWGIRLS. Absolutely frightening. What's yours? Wait, let me guess. THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW? FINAL EXAM. GRADUATION DAY? THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD? SPLATTER UNIVERSITY? Am I close?
Do you want to die?
I hate scary movies.
It'll be okay, baby, I'll hold your hand.
If we hurry, we can still catch the Sandra Bullock movie.
Take it off.
But...
Now why does she have to be naked? How does that serve the plot?
Why doesn't she just hang up and call the police? Stupid..
Shush.
You ass.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I had to. It was too easy.
Come on, baby. Lighten up a little, will ya?
I get scared really easy, okay.
I just have a hard time with insipid, sexist violence.
We can still Sandra Bullock it.
Sid? Jesus, where's Hallie? I've been here all night.
Listen to me. We've got to get help. The Killer's here.
What are you talking about?
I'll be right back.
What was that?
What do you want?
I'm sorry, Sid, please. I never should have gone along with Gale. I know I'm stupid. I wish I had some good reason to give you but I'm just stupid. Please, Sid, don't be mad at me.
Do you work for her now?
Well, yeah...she gave me a job. Freelance. It got me outta Woodsboro. I'm sorry about Cotton and yesterday. It was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea but it seemed like a quasi harmless bad idea. Ah, shit, Sid, I'm fucked up. Sidney looks at him Long and hard, a smile slowly appearing.
If he's innocent he'll have an alibi.
I guess Gale's going to be pissed she missed her exclusive.
I'll relay it. You sure you don't wanna go home?
I have this button I press. See? It insulates me. She mimes an air lock valve.
Thanks for the movie, Randy.
I think Jeff Bridges is getting tired.
Nah I think it's doing so damn well because one of it's players got iced. I just hope none of us end up dead.
Oh that's right. Those poor poor people. God Ben Damon was such a hottie.
There's always someone out there stalking actors. Look at that woman from the Commish.
Melinda McGraw?
No, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Of course it's me, silly. And I feel like an ass standing in this theater lobby all by myself. Where are you babe, the movie starts in twenty minutes.
Look, I'm stuck on the freeway. I think there was some big accident. It could be a little while so I don't want you to start freaking if I don't get there at exactly, Eight thirty.
All I'm saying is I'm gonna be royally p.o.'d if you don't catch my acting debut.
Oh I wouldn't miss it for the world. I bet you did such a great job.
I did. Hon, although I got a total of six minutes screen time, they're the best six minutes of the movie.
Jesus. Hello?
Hello.
Who is this?
Well what number are you trying to reach?
I don't know.
I think you got the wrong number, buddy.
Do I?
Uh-huh. Look bro, my battery is running out. Really wish I could chat, but I can't so, later.
Wait, wait. Don't hang up.
Asshole, Can't talk.
You almost sound like that guy from THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT CARRIE. Ben. Ben Damon.
Well ya got me. That's me. I'm Ben Damon.
Really? You're such a talented actor.
Thanks.
What do you mean?
Listen you sick fuck, is this your idea of a joke?
More of a game really.
What kind of a game?
You seem to be familiar with the STAB movies. Here's how we play. I ask you a question. You get it right, your girlfriend lives. You answer wrong, she dies.
I swear to God if you lay a finger on her I'll fucking kill you!
It's CICI! Cici's the name of the character she plays in the movie!
Very good. Now we play ROUND 2.
What?! But I did everything you said to do!
That's right. And you beat ROUND 1. Now we're taking the game to a whole new level. Meet me beneath the Hollywood sign in ten minutes. I'll have your girlfriend. We'll be waiting.
What?!
You're not playing by the rules Ben. Don't you want her to live?
I swear to God if you lay one hand on her!
Yeah.
Where are you?
Closer than you think.
Alright I'm here. What the fuck do you want from me?
To see your reaction.
Can I help you?
I don't watch TV and I hate books. Whatta you need?
Does the name Maureen Prescott sound familiar to you?
Nope.
Listen, I'm busy. Nobody has access to those files except studio execs. Can you please go away now?
I know every face in here, respect for the unknown actor I suppose, myself included. If you're looking for Maureen Prescott --
It may be Maureen Reynolds --
What are these movies? 'Amazombies', 'Space Psychos' 'Creatures from theSan Andreas Fault'?
Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry Miss Weathers. Allow me to introduce myself, MARK KINCAID, L.A.P.D. Are you familiar with the actor Ben Damon, or the actress CHRISTINE PERKINS?
Well I interviewed Damon once for the show. He was a real obnoxious fuck. Any way, the second one, Christine Perkins, she had a part in Stab 2, didn't she? She was playing CICI.
Both of them were found brutally murdered this morning under the Hollywood sign. Autopsy reports having come back to me yet but the bodies looked like something out one of the Stab films.
So is that why you're here? Is that why you're holding me from my show, to tell me about some brutal homicide I'm not even involved in?
I wish that was all Miss Weathers, but there's more. The killer left a note.
That's Sidney Prescott's mother.
I've tried to get in touch with Sidney Prescott, but she's keeping herself very well hidden. You're my one and only hope in finding her. Her life may be in grave danger.
I'd love to help, really I wouldn't mind being sliced at again by a maniacal psychopath, but I honestly don't know where Sidney is. After Windsor she dropped off the face of the Earth. The only other person that might know is, , not going to talk.
Alright Kincaid, no where to?
I go to the police station and do my job, and you go back to being Gale Weathers.
Oh. I thought you wanted me to stick around.
That's STAB 3, Miss Weathers. It looks like we're going to be getting a warrant to speak with Miss Prescott anyway.
Shit. Sarah Darling. I interviewed her too. God, it's happening again isn't it Detective?
Who?
I'm not at liberty to tell you that Miss Weathers. You're no longer working with the L.A.P.D. I don't even know why you're standing in here right now. By all means I should have you thrown out.
But you won't. You're a good man detective. We think alike. I know you need my help. And I know you know I need your help.
In my fifteen years as a homicide detective I've never met a single soul as pushy and brazen as you are Miss Weathers.
Please, call me Gale.
Whoever it is, now is taking credit for Maureen Prescott's murder.
But we know who killed Maureen Prescott, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher. I mean, they even told Sidney how they did it!
Four? There are five.
OK, look. We all know that this has something to do with 'Stab 3'. What we do not know is why the killer keeps leaving articles about Maureen Prescott.
Boys, boys, why don't we compare our gun calibers later? The issue is Maureen Prescott!
Jesus Gale what happened?
He killed Milton! The killer's inside there! Oh God! DEWEY! Dewey's in there too! He needs medical help! He's hurt!
The killer leaves a newspaper clipping at each murder, Sidney. Recently he's also left a photo of your mother.
Are you sure?
What do you know about trilogies?
You mean like, movie trilogies?
You seem to like movies, Detective.
Call me Mark, would you? Cause I'm gonna keep calling you Sidney.
I'll call you Mark when you catch the killer, Detective.
All I know about movie trilogies is in the third one, all bets are off.
Did you request this case?
No, they tend to put me on the ones that deal with the business. I grew up here, and I know my way around the studios.
Must be exciting, Beautiful place, beautiful people.
To me Hollywood is about death.
Excuse me?
I'm a homicide detective, remember? When you see what I see day in and day out, the violence that people do to each other, you get haunted. I think you know about that.
What do you mean?
I know what it's like to see ghosts that don't Go away. To be watching a scary movie in your head, whether you want to or not, watching it alone.
Ghosts are tough, you can't shoot ghosts.
Can't arrest ghosts. But the best way to stop being haunted is to be with people. You're here, you're not hiding, you've done the right thing, Miss Prescott.
Hmm.
What did you know about your mother?
I used to think I had the perfect mom, perfect family. Till I found out I was wrong. She had a secret life, and I tried to understand that, and soon as I thought I had, more secrets. I don't' know who my mom was. Sometimes I feel like I'm just learning about my mother for the first time. You know, with TV and
Here's the deal, I'm off to search the soundstage. That's good news.
How is that good news?
Because, that means that we're dealing with an ordinary, flesh and blood killer. And I know how to handle guys like that.
Oh yeah, how?
Mr. Rielly? My name is Mark Kincaid. I'm with the L.A.P.D. Are you aware of last night's Events?
That's fine Mr. Rielly, but if anyone else should die, I'm going to have to get a warrant.
I told you, I don't know where Sidney is. And even if there was a third killer, Sidney doesn't know about it.
What about Angelina Tyler? She was there too.
Before you jump to conclusions, the man in the picture, COTTON WEARY, is out of the country on business. His alibi checks out. Seems he's got a TV show in Australia, 100% COTTON. It's supposedly the biggest thing down under since Yahoo Serious, but that's besides the point.
What does this have to do with Sid?
Who knows more about Maureen Prescott than her own daughter?
Is that a threat, Detective?
When it's a threat, you'll know it.
Detective Kincaid?
What Rielly?
Nice to finally meet you, Sidney.
The killer called her.
Sidney, do you have any idea how he could've gotten your number?
He could've monitored the calls on a scanner. Did you call her from the set?
Jesus Christ Sidney, what happened? I got a call on my cell from home. They told me that someone was attacked.
And what made you think it was Sidney?
What are you doing here? I told you to stay hidden! It's not safe for you up here.
Well it's not safe for me up there either. The killer found me Dewey. He called me last night.
What?
I figured I'd be safe If I was at least up here with the people I care about. Now where's this Kincaid guy the news is talking about? I found this place from a FOX 5 TV NEWS REPORT. Heh.
I was afraid they were bait, something to, ya know, trick you out of hiding.
Alright Sid, over there is the STAB 3 Production offices. That's where Sarah Darling was murdered last night.
Karen Colcheck. From Woodsboro.
I can see nothing's changed.
Listen Dewey I have to go to the bathroom.
Do you want me to come with you Sid? I mean, remember what Randy said?
Don't worry, I've got a permit for it.
Yeah?
Help me Sid! The killer's got me!
Dewey?! OHMIGOD! Where are you?!
Sid I can see you!
Where are you Dewey?
Where's Gale?
They've got her!
Dewey my God I thought you were dead.
Don't worry Sid I'd never leave you like that.
Watch out Sid. Randy said the killer's always superhuman.
Dewey, personal lives and pasts aside, this is about Sidney. We need to know where she is.
What so you can just exploit her again with another book? Sid doesn't need you Gale.
They found another note?
Uh-huh. Another News clipping. Another one about Sid's mom. Dewey, whether we like it or not it looks like we're going to have to go back into our past.
You mean OUR past as in Me and Sid. This has nothing to do with you Gale.
This has everything to do with me Dewey. I was the one who brought the nation's attention to this shit anyway. I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit around and pass on the buck again.
Do you really mean it this time Gale?
Yes. Look, let's get something straight Dewey, I got into this shit cause the police came looking for ME. Not cause I'm out to make the SUNRISE STUDIOS SLASHINGS.
Why would the police come to you?
Again, I am the author of the definitive book on the Woodsboro murders.! What about you?
What about me?
You said you'd never leave Woodsboro, 'The only place that's real!' But now you're here. Not with me. Dewey, I took care of you. I waited until you were well. I couldn't stay there, I mean, it's like dog years, one year in Woodsboro is like seven everywhere else.
So it's off to London for a week? New York for a month? L.A Forever?
It was fucking '60 Minutes II'! I couldn't say no! I could've been the next Diane Sawyer!
What's wrong with just being Gale Weathers? I liked her!
It didn't work Dewey. We tried, we're different.
You used to say that was our strength.
Dewey, you're not just here because of that second rate K-Mart, straight-to-video version of me, are you?
Brace yourself, Gale, all of this is actually not About you.
All of what Dewey? You do know something, don't you?
Off the record.
Always.
Two months ago, the Woodsboro police got a call from a woman who said she was with 'Stab 3'. She wanted to see the file on Sid, for research.
And?
The boys said no. She wouldn't give her name. A month later, the station gets broken into, the file room ransacked.
Someone stole Sid's file?
I already removed it. I think someone on the film was trying to find Sid, and that's the only reason I came here. To make do a little private investigating of my own and make sure no one here was planning anything.
I'm sorry, this is too good!
What part of 'Off the record' don't you understand?
Right. Sorry. Do you think he did it?
I've got my suspicions but still, nothing you say can ever make me take my eyes off one person.
Jennifer needs me.
Jennifer?! Wait, where are you going off to?
Stop following me.
I happen to work for the police god dammit!
You're not a detective.
Neither are you, Magnum P.I.
Gale, your engine's still running.
Don't worry. I'm prepared for anything.
OH. OH GOD. GALE --
What?
Thank you.
Do you have her number stored in your memory? Phone memory!
Oh. Yeah, I guess I do.
Has anyone else every used your phone?
I've got an idea, I'll hook up with you guys later.
Do you want us to come with you?
Sidney, what happened?
Paternity test results. Christ Dewey, you're never going to believe who Milton's kid is.
Gale, I know this is a bad time and all but what if we try it out again. The whole relationship thing.
So you knew Sidney Prescott's mother.
What's your point?
No point, I'm just gonna give Detective Kincaid a call.
What the hell are you guys getting at? I make horror films, that's what I do. The Studio came to me with 'Stab'. They came to me, check it out.
But you know who she was.
Good morning Gale. Pleasure to be here.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Roman.
Well it's a honor to be here amongst so many fans of the genre. And I must say that any of you worried that Jerry Rapp, or Tori or David not returning to complete the STAB trilogy, have no fear, Roman is here. Aided with my excellent cast of newcomers I believe we're going to pull off one of the best Stabs yet.
Roman, from your enthusiasm it certainly seems that way. Honestly though, tell us, what's your favorite scary movie?
Your life?
Would you excuse me for a moment?
You! How can I ever get any fame playing you!
Dewey, what the hell is she rambling about now? What's wrong Jen, see yourself on one of those USA NETWORK winners you did and realize how badly you suck at acting?
God damn you Gale Weathers! Don't you see? The killer is choosing his victims as they die in the script! Ben Damon's character was the first one to get offed. So was his girlfriend - but she wasn't cast yet so his real girlfriend was killed - then Sarah Darling's Candy, and now me!
AND I DIE NAKED?! UGH! This is complete bullshit. Who wrote this piece of crap?
I know right. It was kinda weak. That's cause Will Kennison only wrote a rough treatment of it. The script was written by some new guy. He wrote Arlington Street.
Shit! Where the hell are Tom and Angelina?
Who's phone?
Listen you sick bastard, what the fuck do you want?
What's your favorite scary movie Gale?
God damn it you two! Run! Hurry! He's dead!
Geez.
What the hell are you doing?
Being Gale Weathers. What the hell are you doing?
I am Gale Weathers!
Here's how I see it. I've got no house, no movie, no gun, and I'm being stalked. Because someone wants to kill me? No, because someone wants to kill you. So now, starting now, I go where you go. That way, if someone wants to kill me, I'll be with you, and since they really want to kill you, they won't kill me, they'll
None.
You know in the movies, I play you as being much smarter.
And as a sane person. For you that must be quite a stretch.
Ha. Maybe I should join SNL.
Need to get in that building?
No really?
There a story in that building?
Possibly.
Basements creep me out.
Really, you know you'd make a fascinating interview. Lifestyles of the Rich and Psychotic.
Look who's talking Moneybags. You got more homes than I do.
Oh I wish I got that one on tape. It'd put a smile on my face everytime I'm down.
Nobody said she was an actor.
Oh, Come on! You have made millions off the story of her murder. You're obsessed with HER and you're obsessed with her DAUGHTER!
I think Milton's the killer. I think he just went out to kill another cast member.
Milton's not a killer. He's a pervert. He probably went out to buy more KY JELLY for his jack -off parties he has with his two best friends.
Rob Reiner and Quentin Tarentino?
Excuse me Detective, I think we have some business to attend to.
Well then, I guess I'll be leaving then.
Oh come on! Why the hostility?
Listen Lois Lane, I love your show and all but last month I happened to catch your little segment on me and how my wife left me because I'm a sex addict who enjoys screwing fifteen year old girls. It was a real eye opener my lawyers are still thinking about bringing to your superior's attentions.
Answer the question. You knew Sidney's mom?
And now? I mean, murders on your set and still you say nothing?
Get real, that would make me a suspect!
Just because you knew her?
Yeah.
I don't think so! Just what happened to Maureen when she was in Hollywood?
Now you listen to me, Lois Lane, let it go. It's dead and buried. Daddy took ol' Yeller out behind the barn and shot him in the head a long time ago.
Well how would you like his rotten carcass dug up and drug all over National TV? Why don't you start talking.
It was in the 70's, everything was different. I was well known for my parties, Rina knew what they were. It was for girls like her to meet men, men who could get them parts, if they made the right impression. Nothing happened to her that she didn't invite, in one way or another, no matter what she said afterwards.
Are you saying she was-
Gale Weathers. What a surprise.
Tom Prinze, tanked as usual. That's a shocker.
Hey I really liked that piece you did on me last month. The one where you said my car accident was caused by me drinking and drugs, and how I faked the tire blow-out just so my insurance wouldn't sky rocket.
Heh, well, that's TV journalism for ya. Stage the news to boost ratings.
I think we should go inside. I have to have a talk with the cast. ALL OF YOU.
Oh my God! Sidney, you ran fast or what? Hey.
What'd he say?
Oh my God Karen you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing here?
We did some researching in the archives. Sid, something dawned on me when I wrote the book on your mother's murder. For two years of her life, 1969 up until 1971 she basically disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Gale he's got Dewey!
I know! He killed Kincaid!
I know!
Let's get out of here!
Roman Bridger, director. And brother. She slammed the door in my face, Sid. Said I was Rina's child and Rina was dead. And it struck me, what a good idea! So I watched her, made a little home movie, a little family film. Seems Maureen, mom, really got around. I mean, Cotton Weary was one thing, everybody knew about that, but Billy's father, that
All the nightmares. All the hell I went through was because of you, you spineless bastard!
I'm a director Sid, I direct. For example, Angelina over there, She's my partner. I can convince her to do anything. We've been dating since I met her in Woodsboro.
Listen, I have no time for this. I've heard this shit before! So lets get on with it!
Wait a second Sid. Don't you go jumping the gun. You haven't seen the best part. With the aides of the computer revolution of y2kI've been able to steal your voice. Ain't it cool? Listen to what the police are gonna find next to your lifeless, mutilated body.
See Sid, now comes the part where we get away with it! The part where we win! Cause face it Sidney, in this world, the bad guys win!
Oh shit. Hello? Director's office.
Sarah, it's Roman, I'm sorry I'm running late, I'm still on the 405, I'm about 10 minutes away.
All right, since I got you on the phone, let's talk about your character.
What character? I'm Candy, the chick who gets killed second. I'm only in two scenes!
You're not happy with your part.
I'm not happy that I'm 35 playing a 21 year old. I'm not happy that I have to die naked! And I'm not happy that my character is too stupid not to have a gun in the house after her boyfriend's been cut into McNuggets.
Um hmm... umhmm great, so let's run the lines.
Huh, fine.
Page 22, Candy's big moment.
Page 22.. Ring ring. Hello?
Hello.
Who's this?
Who's this?
This is Candy. Hang on, let me get some clothes. See! I don't' understand why I have to start the scene in the shower! The whole shower things been done, 'Vertigo' hello! And I mean, my boyfriend just died, why am I showering?
Why don't we just read the scene? Candy, is that like candy cane or candy apple?
Whatever. Come on, who is this? I think you have the wrong number.
But you know my favorite name?
I'm hanging up right now.
It's Sarah.
Roman that's not the line.
It is in my script.
Has there been another goddamn rewrite? How the fuck are we supposed to learn our lines when there's a new script every 15 minutes?
It's not just a new script, it's a new movie.
What? What movie?
Goddamnit I am getting so fed up with these re-writes. It's like every five minutes there's a new script. God, and you just know this all because of STAB 2's script winding up on the internet two months after it wrapped shooting.
What are you talking about? The murders were a completely isolated incident.
SCENE 32. INT. CANDY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT. "What are you talking about Ricky, the murders were a completely isolated incident".
Would you give that script a rest? It's like a friggen umbilical cord to you.
Roman and everybody else went home for the night. I'm here for a make-up test.
Make-up. You need it. Hey, Roman isn't here?
No.
Do you think it's over Sidney? Do you?
W-what do you want?
I want to finish what I started. I want to finish the game.
You sick fuck I'm tracing this call as we speak! The police are gonna nail your ass!
Let them try. You'll never find me. I've already gotten away with murder before. For instance, Maureen Prescott.
No. You didn't kill my mother. Billy Loomis and Stu Macher did.
Heh. So you think Sidney. So you think. It's all been building up to this Sid. Every STAB. Every SCREAM. Every ounce of blood that's been spilled has all been leading up to this moment. WELCOME TOTHE FINAL ACT.
The final act? Well let's play asshole!
If you lay a hand on him I'll fucking kill you!
{ a click } I only her you too, Sidney.
Who is this?
Don't do it! If you do one thing to attract attention, one thing, I'll kill them both. Now, do you have somewhere we can be alone?
Yes.
Always hard being friends with you, Sidney. When you're friends with Sidney, you die! Well these friends don't have to, Sidney. It's up to you.
How do I know their voices are --
You're dead!
Where?
She'd have been so happy, Sidney, to know we'd be together.
WHERE?
Yeah?
Alright, I'm here. Now what?
You're doing real good. Can't you figure it out? I wanna finish this where it all began. Woodsboro.
Alright I'm here, now show your face so we can finish this.
Hello?
Yes, hi I'm Laura, I'm a trained counselor. How can I help you.
Laura I think I just killed somebody.
Are you sure?
Uh-huh I'm sure. I've killed someone! OH MY GOD I'VE ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE!
Well then the people you need to call are the police.
No I need to call you. Just you.
I'm sorry, your voice.
Don't you want to know how you can help, Sidney? Are you listening to me, huh?
Who the fuck is this?
What? She asked.
It's called tact, you fuckrag.
I didn't kill anybody.
Owwww...
You open your mouth and stupidity pours out.
How'd you do?
Piece of cake. She'll be there.
Thanks, butt wart. You did good.
So you gonna try and make up with Sid?
Duh... that's quick.
I was just asking. Why are you always at me?
Because I'm trying to build your self-esteem. You're far too sensitive.
You ready to party hard tonight?
Dude. What are you doing here?
Where ya going? It's not over yet. We've got one more surprise -- Stu, I believe it's your turn.
You have to play, Sid. Don't want to disappoint your dad. He's been waiting around all night.
It's an easy game. We ask you a question. If you get it wrong -- you die.
Tell that to Cotton Weary. You wouldn't believe how easy it was to frame him.
Nope.
Think about it. On the off chance I get caught -- a motive like that could divide a jury for years, don't you think?. You took my mother, so I took yours. Big sympathy factor. Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior. It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.
This is the best part, Sid. Billy's got it all figured out. Why do you think we kept your father alive so long? Why did we save you for last?
Ready?
What if your father snapped? Your mom's anniversary set him off and he went on a murder spree, killing everyone...
Except for me and Billy... we were left for dead...
And then he killed you and then shoots himself in the head. It's a perfect ending.
That's it, Billy. I can't take any more. I'm feeling woozy.
It's on the table.
I thought she was dead.
She can't get both of us.
I don't know Billy but I'm hurtin'.
FIND HER YOU DIPSHIT!
Thank you, Hank. We're on it. What were you doing out at Sidney's tonight?
I just wanted to see her, that's all.
You rode your bike out there?
Yes, sir.
Did you ride past Casey Becker's house?
No, I didn't. I didn't kill anyone, Sheriff.
Billy? What the...
I'm sorry. Don't hate me.
What are you doing here?
My dad's in the other room.
Close call.
It just occurred to me that I've never snuck through your bedroom window.
Now that it's out of your system.
And I was home, bored, watching television, THE EXORCIST was on and it got me thinking of you.
Oh it did?
Yeah, it was edited for TV. All the good stuff was cut out and I started thinking about us and how two years ago, we started off kinda hot and heavy, a nice solid "R" rating on our way to an NC17. And how things have changed and, lately, we're just sot of... edited for television.
So you thought you could sneak in my window and we would have a little bump-bump.
You know what my dad will do to you?
Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?
Oh Billy... Please... God...
I heard screaming. The door was locked. Are you okay...
Jesus, SHIT!
No... I don't... it's just... Oh God, Billy, someone was there, someone tried to kill me.
The police say I scared him off. It wasn't me, Sid.
I know. He called again last night at Tatum's house.
See, it couldn't have been me. I was in jail, remember?
I'm so sorry... please understand.
Understand what? That I got a girlfriend who would rather accuse me of being a psychopathic killer than touch me.
You know that's not true.
Then what is it? Is there somebody else?
No...
Is it the sex thing? Am I being too pushy?
No, it's me, Billy. I need time. I'm still adjusting to my mom.
It's been a year since she died.
Tomorrow. One year tomorrow.
When are you gonna let that go, Sid? When my mom left my dad -- I just accepted it. This is the way it is. She's not coming back.
Your parents split up. It's not the same thing. Your mom left town, she's not in a coffin somewhere.
Subtlety, Stu. Look it up.
So...
So... I'm sorry. I've been a selfish shit and I'm sorry.
No, Billy. I'm the one who's been selfish and self-absorbed with all of my post traumatic stress.
You lost your mom...
I think in some weird analytical, psychological bullshit way I'm scared I'm gonna turn out just like her, you know? Like the bad seed or something...
Oh Sidney...
Everytime I get close to you I see my mom. I know it doesn't make sense.
Sure it does. It's like Jodie Foster in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS when she kept having flashbacks of her dead father.
But this is life. This isn't a movie.
I wanna let go. I do...
Sshh... it's okay.
Or even a good porno.
You heard me.
Are you serious?
Who did you call?
What?
When you're arrested -- you're allowed one phone call? Who did you call?
I called my dad.
No, Sheriff Burke called your dad. I saw him.
Yeah... and when I called no one answered.
Uh-huh.
You don't still think it was me?
I thought you were...
NO! Don't believe him.
It's called GUESS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE!
Fuck you.
Why did you kill my mother?
I don't understand...
Jesus... fuck, that hurt.
Stop it!
Hello?
You bitch -- where the fuck are you?
I'm gonna rip you up bitch. Just like your slut whore mother.
Yes.
Who is this?
Who are you trying to reach?
What number is this?
What number are you trying to reach?
I don't know.
I think you have the wrong number.
Do I?
Hello.
I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number.
So why did you dial it again?
To apologize.
You're forgiven. Bye now.
What?
I want to talk to you for a second.
Hello.
Why don't you want to talk to me?
Who is this?
You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine.
I don't think so.
Popcorn.
You're making popcorn?
Uh-huh.
I only eat popcorn at the movies.
I'm getting ready to watch a video.
Really? What?
Just some scary movie.
Do you like scary movies?
Uh-huh.
I don't know.
Uh... HALLOWEEN. You know, the one with the guy with the white mask who just sorta walks around and stalks the baby sitters. What's yours?
Guess.
Uh... NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
Is that the one where the guy had knives for fingers?
Yeah... Freddy Krueger.
Freddy -- that's right. I liked that movie. It was scary.
The first one was, but the rest sucked.
So, you gotta boyfriend?
Why? You wanna ask me out?
Maybe. Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
Why do you want to know my name?
What did you say?
I want to now who I'm talking to.
That's not what you said.
I have to go now.
Wait... I thought we were gonna go out.
Nah, I don't think so...
Don't hang up on me.
Gotta go.
Yes?
I told you not to hang up on me.
What do you want?
To talk.
Dial someone else, okay?
You getting scared?
Listen, asshole...
Is this some kind of a joke?
I'm two seconds from calling the police.
What do you want?
Look, enough is enough. You had your fun now you better leave me alone or else.
My boyfriend will be here any second and he'll be pissed when I tell him...
I lied. I do have a boyfriend and he'll be here any second and your ass better be gone.
Sure...
I swear it. And he's big and plays football and will beat the shit out of you.
I'm getting scared.
I'm telling you the truth. I lied before...
I believe you...
So you better leave.
How do you know his name?
Where are you?
Please don't hurt him.
That all depends on you.
I wanna play a game.
No...
Then he dies. Right now.
NOOO!
What kind of game?
Please don't do this...
Come on. It'll be fun.
No... please.
It's an easy category. Movie trivia.
...please...
I'll even give you a warm up question.
Don't do this. I can't...
Name the killer in HALLOWEEN.
No...
I don't know...
Come on, yes you do.
What's his name?
Michael... Michael Myers.
Now for the real question.
NOOOO....
But you're doing so well.
Please go away! Leave us alone!
...please... no...
I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer.
No it's not. It was Jason.
Afraid not.
It was Jason. I saw that goddamned movie twenty times. It was Jason.
You tricked me...
...leave me alone... please...
What door am I at?
What?
Don't make me... I can't... I won't.
Hi! Gale Weathers. Field Correspondent, INSIDE STORY.
I know who you are, ma'am. How's the eye?
Productive. So they're closing down the school?
And why is that? Has something happened?
You're not supposed to be here, ma'am.
I'm twenty-five years old, ma'am.
Boy, you people sure do make fuss over a serial killer.
Serial killer is not really accurate, ma'am. The killer has yet to strike twice.
Well, we can hope, can't we? We certainly don't have any leads. A ghost mask, a cellular phone -- not much there.
We're tracking the cellular phone bill.
Really? You small town guys are good. And have you located Sidney's father?
No, not yet.
He's not a suspect, is he?
If you'll excuse me, ma'am.
Am I keeping you? I'm sorry.
I just turned 25. I was 24 for a whole year.
Evening, ma'am.
Deputy... good evening.
What brings you out to these parts?
You never know when or where a story will break.
Not much story here. Just a bunch of kids cutting loose.
Then what are you doing here?
Keeping an eye on things. Checking the place out.
Sheriff just radioed me. I'm gonna check out a possible lead. Thought you might like to join me.
What kind of lead?
A car was spotted in the bushes a little ways up the road.
I'd love to. If you're sure it's alright?
Ma'am, I am the Deputy of this town.
Can I bring Kenny?
So is Dewey your real name?
Dwight. Dewey was something I got stuck with a long time ago.
I like it. It's... sexy.
Nah... it's just this town's way of not taking me serious.
People treat me like the Antichrist of television journalism.
Shit. It's Neil Prescott's car.
Sidney's father?
I'll call for backup.
What are you doing here?
Oh, God, Sid, I'm sorry I was late.
Does mom know?
Hey... Dewey. Can we go now?
What did Mama tell you? When I wear this badge you treat me like a man of the law.
A party? Mom's gonna kill you. Then me.
No, Dewey. You'll ruin the whole night.
Sorry, police orders. I'll stay out of the way, I promise.
What is she doing here?
You gonna be able to come down to the station and talk to us a bit?
Did you reach my Dad?
You're sure it was the Hilton?
At the airport.
He's not registered. Could he have gone to another hotel?
I don't know. I guess.
Any word on my Dad?
Billy was released. His cellular bill was clean. He didn't make those calls.
Somebody called me, Dewey. I'm not making it up.
I know. We're checking every cellular account in the county. Any calls made to you or Casey Becker are being cross-referenced. It's gonna take time but we'll find him.
God, look at this place, it's THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN.
I see you as a young Meg Ryan myself.
You girls ready.
Yeah.
Have they found my father?
Afraid not.
Should I be worried?
It's Deputy Riley today, Sid.
We got him, Sheriff. Billy Loomis.
Hank Loomis' kid? Aw... Jesus...
I was first to respond.
What were you doing out here?
Drive by patrol.
How is she?
She's tough.
That ghost mask is sold at both Kroger's and WalMart. Neither of which keep purchase records.
What about the cellular phone bill?
They're pulling Loomis' account. But it'll be morning before we see something. You think he did it?
She staying with you?
She's okay. Looks like some boys were teasing her. Himbry's shutting down the school though. I want you to take look around.
Dewey! Where the hell you been, boy?
Keeping my eye on Sidney.
Listen up, Dewey, because it's bad. Real bad. Aircomp just faxed us. The calls were listed to Neil Prescott -- Sidney's father. He made the calls with his cellular phone. It's confirmed.
Couldn't his cellular number have been cloned?
There's more. Guess what tomorrow is? The anniversary of his wife's death. It all fits. He's our man.
Have you contacted the bureau?
They believe he's out of state by now. We'll keep roadblocks and curfew in effect through the night. If he's not picked up by morning -- we'll do a house to house.
You think he could still be in town?
He'd have to be crazy. Where's Sidney?
She's with my sister. Should I bring her in?
Hold off for now. Just stay close to her.
She'll be with her friends over at Stu Maker's tonight.
Watch her. Don't let on -- just keep your eyes out.
That fish smelled strong.
Jesus...
What is it? Where's Casey?
Where is she?
Casey? Where are you honey? Call the police, goddamnit.
Where is she?
Casey! Casey!
What? What?
Jesus Christ! An innocent man on death row. A killer still on the loose. Kenny, tell me I'm dreaming.
No, not so fast. We have nothing concrete.
When did that ever stop you? You can't sit on this. This is huge.
If I'm gonna blow this up -- I need hard proof.
But it's so much easier when we make it up.
What's the plan?
The control board's glitched. You know we can't carry a live picture.
What's the delay?
About thirty seconds.
It's okay, Tatum. She's just doing her job. Right, GALE?
How's the book?
I'll look for it.
I'm not here to fight.
Just stay back.
I want to talk to you.
Off the record. No cameras.
Please. You owe me.
You owe my mother.
Your mother's murder was last year's hottest court case. Somebody was gonna write a book about it.
And it had to be you with all your lies and bullshit theories.
What is your problem? You got what you wanted. Cotton Weary is in jail. They're gonna gas him. A book is not gonna change that.
He was convicted in a court of law. Your testimony put him away. It doesn't matter what I think.
During the trial, you did all those stories about me. You called me a liar.
I think you falsely identified him. Yes.
Have you talked to Cotton?
Many times.
Has his story changed?
Not one word. He admits to having sex with your mother but that's all.
He's lying. She wouldn't have touched him. He raped her, then butchered her. Her blood was all over his coat.
He was drunk that night. He left his coat at your house, after your mother seduced him...
I saw him leaving wearing it.
She was never attacked. I think she made it all up.
Why would she lie about it?
What if she did it? What if Sidney killed Casey and Steve?
And why would she do that?
Why would Sidney want to be with Steve? She has her own bubble-butt boyfriend Billy.
You're evil.
Cut some slack. She watched her mom get butchered.
Where do you get this shit?
I have no idea.
Scary night, isn't it? With the murders and all, it's like right out of a horror movie or something.
Aha, Randy, you gave yourself away. Are you calling from work? Tatum's on her way over.
Do you like scary movies, Sidney?
I like that thing you're doing with your voice, Randy. It's sexy.
What's your favorite scary movie?
Don't start. You know I don't watch that shit.
And why is that?
Are you alone in the house?
That is so unoriginal. You disappoint me, Randy.
Maybe that's because I'm not Randy.
So who are you?
The question is not who am I. The question is where am I?
So where are you?
Why would you call me from my front porch?
So where are you?
Can you see me right now?
Uh-huh.
Good try, Randy. Tell Tatum to hurry. Bye now.
Hello?
Poor Billy-boyfriend. An innocent guy doesn't stand a chance with you.
LEAVEMEALONE!
Looks like you fingered the wrong guy... again.
Are you okay?
Can you knock?
I heard screaming.
No you didn't.
No? Oh, well... I'm hitting the sack. My flight leaves first thing in the morning. Now the expo runs all weekend so I won't be back til Sunday. There's cash on the table and I'll be staying at the Raleigh Hilton...
...out at the airport...
...so call if you need me.
Have a good trip.
Stu was with me last night.
Oooooh... before or after he sliced and diced.
Fuck you, nut case. Where were you last night?
Working, thank you.
I thought Blockbuster fired you.
THE FOG, TERROR TRAIN, PROM NIGHT -- How come Jamie Lee Curtis is in all these movies?
Stop. Right there.
Don't shoot. It's me.
Don't come any closer.
Only if it's a nice Meg Ryan movie.
That was an ice pick -- not exactly the same.
For about two seconds.
And are the police aware you dated the victim?
What are you saying? That I killed her or something?
Besides -- "Takes a man to do something like that."
I'm gonna gut your ass in a second.
Jesus, this place is packed.
We had a run in the mass murder section.
You coming tonight?
Yeah, I'm off early -- curfew you know. Now that's poor taste.
If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath would you be standing in the horror section?
It was all a misunderstanding. He didn't do anything.
You're such a little lap dog. He's got killer printed all over his forehead.
The why'd the police let him go?
Why would he want to kill his own girlfriend?
There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all. Simplicity. Besides, if it's too complicated you lose your target audience.
So what's his reason?
Maybe Sidney wouldn't have sex with him.
She's saving herself for you.
Could be. Now that Billy's tried to mutilate her, you think Sid would go out with me?
I think her father did it. How come they can't find his ass?
Because he's probably dead. His body will come popping out in the last reel somewhere... eyes gauged. See, the police are always off track with this shit, if they'd watch PROM NIGHT they'd save time. There's formula to it. A very simple one. Everyone's always a suspect -- the father, the principal, the town derelict...
Which is you...
You're absolutely right. I'm the first to admit it. If this were a scary movie, I'd be the prime suspect.
And what would be your motive?
I thought everything was checked out.
We could be like two grief stricken students and we'll say really nice things about our good friends who were slaughtered senselessly.
What's Leatherface doing here?
He came to make up.
There goes my chance with Sid.
I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts?
There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie -- you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one. And 3. Never, ever, ever, under any
Wanna another beer?
Yeah.
His movie nut mind has snapped, Sid. He's gone psycho.
Come on, Sid. Give me the gun.
You heard Billy -- shut the fuck up.
Why are they doing this?
And to celebrate this impromptu fall break, I propose we have a party. Tonight, my house.
Are you serious?
Remember, there's safety in numbers.
Yeah, okay... whatever.
If Tatum sees you -- she'll draw blood.
Guess, I won't be needing this anymore.
Why are you doing this?
You're crazy -- both of you.
The official term is "psychotic".
So Stu, what's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?
Do you believe this shit?
Oh God! You don't know? Casey Becker and Steve Forrest were killed last night.
No way.
And not just killed, Sid. We're talking splatter movie killed-split open end to end.
Casey Becker? She sits next to me in English.
Not anymore. Her parents found her hanging from a tree. Her insides on the outside.
Do they know who did it?
Fucking clueless -- they're interrogating the entire school. Teachers, students, staff, janitors...
They think it's school-related?
Or a man's mentality.
You sure I can stay over? My dad won't be back til Sunday.
No prob. I'll pick you up after practice.
Tell your mom I said thanks.
Yeah, yeah... are you okay?
Uh-huh, it's just... you know, the police and reporters... it brings it all back.
I'll be there by seven. I promise
Thanks, Tatum.
Practice ran late. I'm on my way.
It's past seven.
Don't worry. Casey and Steve didn't bite it til way after ten.
I'm not worried.
Good, 'cause I wanna swing by BLOCKBUSTER and get us a video. I was thinkin' Tom Cruise in ALL THE RIGHT MOVES. You know, if you pause it just right you can see his penis.
Whatever. Just hurry.
It's okay. She was supposed to pick me up.
Just another sleepover at the Riley's.
Just like old times, ain't it?
Do you really think Billy did it?
He was there, Tatum.
Take a message.
Come on, Sid.
Just relax. You're at school now. No one can get you here.
This is a mistake. I shouldn't be here.
Shit, what is he doing here?
I bet he's pissed.
It was just some sick fuck having a laugh.
This could be good. What do you think, Sid?
I don't know...
Maybe Cotton Weary is telling the truth. Maybe he was having an affair with your mom.
So you think my mom was a slut too?
I didn't say that, Sid. But you know there were rumors. Your dad was always out of town on business. Maybe your mom was a very unhappy woman.
If they were having an affair how come that Cotton couldn't prove it in court?
You can't prove a rumor. That's why it's a rumor.
Created by that little tabloid twit Gale Weathers.
It goes further back, Sid. There's been talk about other men.
And you believe it?
If I was wrong Cotton, then he's still out there.
Don't go there, Sid. You're starting to sound like some Wes Carpenter flick. Don't freak yourself out -- we've got a long night ahead of us.
You're right. I'm cracking up. Ignore me.
Hey, Sid. Just think if they make a movie about you. Who's gonna play you?
Is Billy going to be there tonight?
Billy's right. Whenever he touches me, I just can't relax.
You have a few intimacy issues as a result of your mother's untimely death. It's no big deal. You'll thaw out.
But he's been so patient with me, Tatum. You know, with all the sex stuff. How many guys would put up with a girlfriend who's sexually anorexic?
What do you think about when you're having sex?
Who?
Grant Goodeve -- the oldest brother on EIGHT IS ENOUGH. Remember that show? He was the one who lived off alone. He would come around every now and then with his guitar and sing "Eight is enough to fill our lives with love..." He had all these brain dead sisters and that idiot brother from CHARLES IN CHARGE. God, I was in love with
How does that get you in the mood with Stu?
During foreplay, I sing the theme song to myself. "Eight is enough to fill our lives with love..." It's a real turn on.
No way.
What secret meaning? Like a Satanical thing?
Watch the show, Sid. His basket is bigger than the one you're pushing.
TATUM!
There's that sense of humor. I knew it still existed. Ohh, Sid, let's have some fun tonight.
Hunt? Why would they ask if you like to hunt?
Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.
I thought you dumped her for me.
You know if I were accused of carving up two people, I'd take the opportunity to skip school.
Is this not cool or what? Hey, Sid, what happened?
For once, Stu, drop it.
That's mature.
With that set of lungs -- she should be.
I got it. Tatum get me a beer. They're in the fridge in the garage.
What am I? The beer wench?
I don't have anyone else to give this to, Somerset, you know that. And nobody's going to swap with you.
Give it to me.
How's that?
That's not necessary. You're in.
Thank you.
He cuts off the skin if his fingertips. That's why we can't find a single usable print in the apartment. He's been doing it for quite a while. Keeps cutting before the papillary line can grow back.
What about the trace on his bank account and the guns? There must be something to connect him with a past.
You don't. It goes to court now.
He's pissing in our faces again and we're just taking it.
How is it working for a scumbag like this? You proud of yourself?
What do you think?
"Dear Detectives, Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light." It's the murderer's way of announcing himself.
Announcing what?
There are seven deadly sins. Gluttony, wrath, greed...
So what? This victim...
... envy, sloth, pride and lust. Seven.
Hey, so gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. But, this was a fat guy. The killer may have felt this was the just best way to torture him. And, writing on the walls happens all the time. It's like the fashionable thing to do.
What's this: "I'm declining this case?" It don't work that way.
This can't be my last duty here. It will go on and on.
You've left unfinished business before.
Have you heard?
No, I haven't heard.
Already.
It's none of my business anymore.
I thought you might want to be filled in.
I'm sure everyone's doing their best.
Yeah.
Come on. What are you going to do with yourself out there?
I'll get a job, maybe on a farm. I'll work on the house.
Can't you feel it yet? Can't you feel that feeling... ? You're not going to be a cop anymore.
What are you talking about?
Did you read in the paper today, about the man who was walking his dog? he was attacked, and his wallet and his watch were taken. And then, while he was still lying unconscious, his attacker stabbed him with a knife in both eyes. It happened four blocks from here.
I heard.
I have no understanding of this place anymore.
It's always been like this.
Well, there he sits. It's not supposed to make sense.
How you feeling?
Thank you. Tell them, thank you.
We figure you need all the tools you can get to fix up that piece of shit you call a house.
They're hoping you stop and say goodbye before you go, but I told them not to expect it.
He's being arraigned tomorrow.
I guess... decide for yourself. I don't know what it says. I'm going to go.
And... and... and he said... he asked me if I was married. And, I could see he had a gun in his hand.
Where was the girl?
What? What?
She was... she was on the bed. She was just sitting on the bed.
Who tied her down? You or him?
Jesus Christ, man, don't shoot me!
Turn around. Hands on your head!
What the hell's going on?
Who are you? What are you doing out here?
This guy paid me five hundred bucks to bring it out here. He wanted it here at exactly seven o'clock.
Put it down. Put it on the ground.
I don't believe it.
What do you mean?
I mean, at this point, what would it hurt if you told us a little about yourself?
What's so exciting?
What time is it?
It's surprising how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.
David... please...
Give me the gun.
You didn't know.
Where we headed?
We're not just going to pick up two more bodies, are we, Johnny? That wouldn't be... shocking enough. Wouldn't keep you on the front page of the newspapers.
Wanting people to pay attention, you can't just tap them on the shoulder. You have to hit them in the head with a sledgehammer. Then, you have their strict attention.
What makes you so special that people should pay attention?
Not me. I'm not special. I'm not exceptional. This is, though. What I'm doing.
I hate to burst your bubble, but other than the fact that you're especially sadistic, there's nothing unusual about these precious murders of yours.
You know that's not true.
You can't see the whole... the whole complete act yet. Not yet. But, when this is done, it's going to be... so... so...
Spit it out.
I can't wait for you to see. I can't wait... It's really going to be something.
Well, I'll be standing beside you the whole time, so you be sure to let me know when this whole, complete reality thing is done. Wouldn't want to miss it.
I... I doubt I enjoyed it any more than... Detective Mills would enjoy some time alone with me in a room without windows. Isn't that true? How happy would it make you to hurt me, with impunity?
Now... I wouldn't do something like that, Johnny. I like you. I like you a lot.
You wouldn't because you know there are consequences. It's in those eyes of yours, though... nothing wrong with a man taking pleasure in his work. I won't deny my own personal desire to turn each sin against the sinner. I only took their sins to logical conclusions.
You only killed a bunch of innocent people so you could get your rocks off. That's all.
Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? Look at the people I killed. An obese man, a disgusting man who could barely stand up... who if you saw him on the street, you'd point so your friends could mock him along with you. Who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him I picked
Murderers?
A woman...
Murderers like you?
A woman... so ugly on the inside that she couldn't bare to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer... a drug dealing pederast, actually. And, don't forget the disease spreading whore. Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. That's the point. You see
Delusions of grandeur.
You should be thanking me.
And, why is that?
You're going to be remembered, and it's all because of me. And, the only reason I'm here right now is because I wanted to be.
We would have gotten you eventually.
Tell me what it was that gave me away. What was the piece of evidence you were going to use against me right before I walked up to YOU and put my hands in the air.
I seem to remember knocking on your door.
And, I remember breaking your nose. You're only alive because I didn't kill you.
Just keep leading the way.
I wish I could have been a normal man like you. I wish I could have a simple life.
You've made a good life for yourself...
Here he comes.
What the fuck is going on?
Somerset...
I'm a little thrown. I just got in town like twenty minutes ago and they dumped me here.
Since we're just starting out, I thought we could go to a bar... sit and talk for awhile. After that, we'll...
I need to start getting the feel of it all, right? Meet the people.
I meant to ask you something, Mills, when we spoke on the phone. I can't help wondering... why here?
I... I don't follow.
All this effort you've made to get transferred, it's the first question that pops into my head.
You just met me.
Maybe I'm not understanding the question.
It's very simple. You worked a nice, quiet town, but you fought to get here as if your life depended on it. I've just never seen it done that way before, Detective.
Maybe I thought I could do more good here than there. I don't know. Look, it'd be great by me if we didn't start right off kicking each other in the balls. But, you're calling the shots, Lieutenant, so... however you want it to go.
Let me tell you how I want this to go. I want you to look, and I want you to listen.
I wasn't standing around guarding the local Taco Bell. I've worked homicide for five and a half years.
Not here.
I realize that.
I wonder what exactly was the point of the conversation you were about to get into?
And I wonder how many times Officer Davis there has found a dead man who wasn't really dead until Davis was in the car calling it in and eating a donut.
Drop it.
Who said this was murder?
No one yet.
When we found him, he was lying there with a knife in his back, so what else could it be but homicide? Except, I finally figured out... he held the knife behind him... put the tip of it in his own back and got real close to the wall... then he shoved his body backwards...
There's a bucket here.
What?
It's a bucket of vomit.
Is there any blood in it?
You think it was poison?
You've seen my files, right? Seen the things I've done?
No.
Anyway... I did my time on door-to-doors, and walking a beat. I did all that shit for a long time.
Good.
The badge in my pocket says "detective," same as yours.
I made a decision, because I have to consider the integrity of the scene. I can't worry whether you think you're getting enough time on the playing field.
Is that clear?
Okay... sure... It's just that, with my old partner, you know...
Same color and texture.
This doesn't make any sense.
It could be nothing.
He ate his fill, and was forced to continue eating... till his body rejected the food. the killer held a bucket under him, and then kept serving. He took his time. The coroner says this might have gone on for more than twelve hours. The victim's throat was swollen from the effort, and there was probably a point where he passed out. That's when
This is his stuff. I've been out in the cold all day.
I'm declining this case. I want us reassigned.
It's too soon for him.
It's a package deal. You get the phone with the office.
It's my wife.
Well?
I'm invited to have a late supper at your house. And, I accept.
How's that?
I'd like you to meet Somerset.
All television does is teach children that it's really cool to be stupid and eat candy bars all day.
What about sports?
You go to movies at least?
I read. Remember reading?
You've never seen "The Odd Couple?" This is sick. "The Honeymooners?!"
Our guy got into office, probably before the building closed and security tightened up. Gould must have been working late.
I'm certain. He was the biggest defense lawyer around. Infamous, actually.
The leather chair was soaked through with sweat.
All day Saturday, and all day Sunday. The murderer would want Gould to take his time. To have to sit there and decide. Where do you make the first cut? There's a gun in your face... but, what part of your body is expendable?
He must have left another puzzle piece.
Look, I appreciate being able to talk this out, but, uh...
Gould's wife. She was away on business. If this means she saw anything, I don't know what. We've questioned her at least five times.
And, if it's a threat.
He's preaching.
Punishing.
The sins were used in medieval sermons. There were seven cardinal virtues, and then seven deadly sins, created as a learning tool, because they distract from true worship.
Like in the Parson's Tale, and Dante.
Did you read them?
Yeah. Parts of them. Anyway, in Purgatory, Dante and his buddy are climbing up that big mountain... seeing all these other guys who sinned...
Seven Terraces of Purgation.
Right. But there, pride comes first, not gluttony. The sins are in a different order.
For now, let's just consider the books as the murderer's inspiration. The books and sermons are about atonement for sin. And, these murders have been like forced attrition.
Forced what?
Attrition. When you regret your sins, but not because you love God.
No fingerprints?
Nothing.
No witnesses of any kind?
This is the one thing.
I know.
What if it's not that she's seen something? What if she's supposed to see something, but she just hasn't been given a chance to see it yet?
You're sure your men didn't move this?
Nothing.
What the fuck is that?
There must be something.
What?
Oh, yeah, sure. You got to be kidding?!
Just, honestly... have you ever seen anything like this... been involved in anything like this?
He just may be nuts enough.
It doesn't fit. He doesn't want us to help him stop.
You meant what you said to Mrs. Gould, didn't you? About catching this guy. You really want to believe that, don't you?
And you don't?
I wish I still thought like you.
Then, you tell me what you think we're doing.
All we do is pick up the pieces. We take all the evidence, and all the pictures and samples. We write everything down and note what time things happened...
Oh, that's all.
We put it in a nice neat pile and file it away, on the slim chance it's ever needed in a courtroom. It's like collecting diamonds on a desert island. You keep them just in case you ever get rescued, but it's a pretty big ocean out there.
Bullshit.
I'm, sorry, but even the most promising clues usually lead only to other clues. I've seen so many corpses rolled away... unrevenged.
I've seen the same. I'm not the country hick you seem to think I am.
Does this make it with you?
Doesn't seem like our man, does it?
You tell me. I'm new in town.
He doesn't have the desire somehow. Our killer seems to have more purpose. More purpose than Victor could ever conceive of.
The fingerprints.
Yes. They were there... so, it must be.
Why would we?
Never in my twenty-four years, knock on wood. I've only ever taken my gun out five times with the actual intention of using it. Never fired it though. Not once. You?
Never took a bullet. I pulled my gun once. fired it once.
And?
How did the fire fight end?
How was it?
I expected it to be bad, you know. I took a human life... but I slept like a baby that night. I never gave it a second thought.
I think Hemingway wrote somewhere... I can't remember where, but he wrote that in order to live in a place like this, you have to have the ability to kill. I think he meant you truly must be able to do it, not just faking it, too survive.
It is Victor.
The way this has gone till now, I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but we may have underestimated this guy.
I want him bad. I don't just want to catch him anymore. I want to hurt him.
Listen to me. He's all about playing games.
No kidding! No fucking kidding!
We have to divorce ourselves from emotions here. No matter how hard it is, we have to stay focused on the details.
I don't know about you, but I feed off my emotions.
How do those cockroaches get here so quick?
They pay cops for the inside scoop, and they pay well.
Sorry about that... I just...
Victor's landlord says an envelope of cash was in the office mailbox each month. He says, quote, "I never heard a single complaint from the tenant in apartment three-o-one, and nobody ever complained about him. He's the best tenant I've ever had.
A landlord's dream tenant: a paralyzed man with no tongue.
I'm sick of sitting around, waiting for him to kill again.
This is the job. It's not an Easter egg hunt.
There must be something in this pile of garbage we can follow. I mean, Christ... do we have to let this lunatic make all the moves.
It's too dismissive to call him a lunatic. We can't make that mistake.
Oh, blah, blah, blah. The guy's insane.
It's a fine line between insane and inspired.
Hey, Freud, what brand of bullshit are you shoveling, huh? Right now he's probably dancing around his room in a pair of his mommy's panties, singing show tunes and rubbing himself with peanut butter...
No.
Sooner or later his luck's goning to run out.
No. He's not depending on luck. You've seen that. We walked into that apartment exactly one year after he first tied Victor to the bed, to the day. To the day! Because he wanted us to.
We don't know for sure...
This quote... his first words to us. I looked it up. It's from Milton's Paradise Lost. "Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light... "
And so what?
Well, he's been right so far, hasn't he?
Just because the bastard has a library card, it doesn't make him Einstein.
Just, realize... this is not some common lunatic. The type of intestinal fortitude it must take... to keep a man bound for a full year. To connect tubes to his genitals. To sever his hand and use it to plant fingerprints. He's methodical and exacting, and worst of all, he's patient.
How much money do you have?
Well, that was money well spent.
By telling you this, I'm trusting you more than I trust most people.
It's probably nothing, but even if it is, it's no skin off our teeth. The man at Hot Dog World is a friend, in the Bureau.
Him?
For a long time, the F.B.I.'s been hooked into the library system, keeping accurate records.
What? Assessing fines?
They monitor reading habits. Not every book, but certain ones are flagged. Books about... let's say, how to build a nuclear bomb, or maybe Mein Kampf. Whoever takes out a flagged book has their library records fed to the F.B.I. from then on.
You got to be kidding.
Flagged books cover every topic the Bureau deems questionable... communism to violent crime.
How is this legal?
So they ran our list.
If you want to know who's been reading Paradise Lost, Purgatory, and say... The Life and Time of Charlie Manson, the Bureau's computer will tell you. It might give us a name.
Yeah. Some college student who's taking English 101 and just happens to be writing a paper on Twentieth Century Crime.
Yeah, well... at least we're out of the office. We've got pizza.
How do you know all about this?
This is a waste of time.
We're focusing.
I know, I know... focusing on one little thing.
Modern Homicide Investigation. In Cold Blood. Of Human Bondage. Human Bondage?
It's not what you think it is.
The Marquis de Sade and Origins of Sadism.
That is.
The Writings of Saint Thomas Aqu... Aquin...
You're sure you're reading that right? John Doe?
That's what it says. Jonathan Doe.
This is stupid. It'd be just too easy.
We'll take a look at him. Talk to him.
What are you going to say?
You do the talking. Put that old silver tongue of yours to work.
Are you alright?
I'm fine.
Wait... just wait.
It was him.
The hell I can't! We get in there and we can stop him.
We need a warrant.
Think about it...
What the fuck is wrong with you?
By the time we clear a warrant someone else is going to be dead.
Think it through. If we leave a hole like this, we'll never prosecute. He'll walk. We have to come up with some excuse for knocking on this door.
You stupid son of a...
What are you talking about?
We could use about fifty more men here.
Well, there are at least five thousand notebooks in this room, and near as I can tell, each notebook contains two hundred and fifty pages.
Then, he must write about these murders.
No dates indicated, placed on the shelves in no discernible order. It's just his mind poured out on paper. I don't think it's going to give us any specifics.
He's preaching.
The irony is, after a day of the type of work he did, he'd come home and read me these morbid crime stories. Murders in the Rue Morgue. Le Fanu's Green Tea. My mother would give him hell because he was keeping me up till all hours.
Sounds like a father who wanted his son to follow in his footsteps.
You know... there's not going to be a happy ending to this. It's not possible anymore.
If we get him, I'll be happy enough.
No. Face it now. Stop thinking it's good guys against bad guys.
How can you say that? Especially after today?
Don't try to focus on things as black and white, because you'll go blind. There's no winning and losing here.
You're the oldest man I know, Somerset.
You tell me, then... you walk into an apartment, and a man has beaten his wife to death, or the wife murdered the husband, and you have to wash the blood off their children. You put the killer in jail. Who won?
You do your job...
Where's the victory?
You follow the law and do the best you can. It's all there.
Just know that in this case there's not going to be any satisfaction. If we caught John Doe and he were the devil himself, if it turned out he were actually Satan, then, that might live up to our expectations. No human being could do these things, right? But, this is not the devil. It's just a man.
You think you're preparing me for the hard times ahead? You think you're toughening me up? Well, you're not! You're quitting, fine... but I'm staying.
People don't want a champion. They just want to keep playing the lottery and eating hamburgers.
What the fuck is wrong with you? What burnt you out?
It wasn't one thing, if that's what you mean. I just... I can't live here anymore. I can't live where stupidity is embraced and nurtured as if it were a virtue.
Oh, you're so much better than everyone, right? No one's worthy of you.
Wrong! I sympathize completely, because if you can't win... then, if you don't ignore everything and everyone around you, you... you become like John Doe. It's easier to beat a child than it is to raise it, because it takes so much work to love. You just have to make sure you don't stop to think about the abuse, and the damage, because you'll
You're talking about people who are mentally ill. You're...
No I'm not! I'm talking about common, everyday life here. If you let yourself worry about one thing, you'll worry about the next, and the next, and it never ends. In this place, ignorance isn't just bliss, it's a matter of survival.
Listen to yourself. You say, "the problem with people is they don't care, so I don't care about people." But, you're already here. You've been here a long time. So, there's a part of you that knows, even if everything you say is true, none of it matters.
He cut her up and dressed the wounds.
Oh, you want to stay now?
One of two things will happen. We're either going to get John Doe, or he'll finish his series of seven, and this case will go on for years.
You think you're doing me a big favor by staying?
You knew I'd say yes.
As soon as this is over, I'm gone.
Because he is John Doe, by choice.
You know he's fucking us.
You and I are, probably for the first time ever, in total agreement. He wouldn't just stop.
Well... what the fuck, man?
No.
If John Doe's head splits open and a U.F.O. flies out, I want you to have expected it.
What is it?
Well, I have to tell you... I think I've fallen in love with you.
Slut.
Kiss me on the lips.
Stay with him.
Wait!
Throw your gun down now!
Throw your weapon, detective! Now!
Tell me it's not true.
Put your gun down!!
Don't do this... please...
I'm sorry about this, Mrs. Gould. I really am.
I need you to look at each one carefully... very carefully. Look for anything that seems strange or out of place. Anything at all.
I don't know why... why now?
Anything... anything missing or different.
I don't see anything.
Are you absolutely certain?
This painting...
What?
It's nice to meet you. My husband has told me a lot about you... except your first name.
Oh... um, William.
It smells good.
I hear you and Mills were high school sweethearts.
High school and college, yes. Pretty hokey, huh? I knew on our first date this was the man I was going to marry. God... he was the funniest man I'd ever met.
Don't worry. I don't wear it at the dinner table.
You have a strange way about you... I mean interesting. I'm sorry. It's really none of my business. It's just nice to meet a man who talks like that. If David saw that paper, he'd say you're a fag. That's how he is.
I was close once. It just didn't happen.
It surprises me. It really does.
How long have you lived here?
I don't know, with this case.
I mean, you known this city. You've been here for so long.
It's a hard place.
I feel strange being here with you... without David knowing.
Perfect example.
You have to put blinders on sometimes. Most times.
I don't know why I asked you to come.
Talk to him about it. He'll understand if you tell him how you feel.
I can't be a burden, especially now. I know I'll get used to things. I guess I wanted to know what someone who's lived here thinks. Upstate, it was a completely different environment. I don't know if David told you, but I teach fifth grade, or did.
I've been going to some of the schools, looking for work, but the conditions here are... horrible.
You should look into private schools.
Oh, Tracy... I have to tell you, I'm not the one to talk to about this.
Well, I got up one morning and went to work... just like any other day, except it was my first since hearing about the baby. And, I... I felt this fear and anxiety washing over me. I looked around, and I thought, how can we raise a child surrounded by all this? How can a child grow up here? So, that night, I told
I want to have children. It's just...
Neighbors heard them screaming at each other for like two hours. It was nothing new. But, then they heard the gun go off. Both barrels.
Did the wife confess?
Why always like this? Only after the fact... this sudden realization, that if you shoot someone, or stick a knife in them, that person will cease to exist.
Crime of passion.
Yes. Look at all the passion splattered up on the wall here.
Did their son see it happen?
How's California?
How should I know?
But Mose Harper said...
It was Ethan found you squallin' in a sage clump after your folks was massacred...
Passed the Todd place comin' in... What happened to 'em?
You askin' me to clear out now?
Now, Ethan, I ain't sure...
Lucy's going on seventeen now...
An' she's got a beau! Kisses him, too!
Not tonight...Ben, put that sword back.
It's all right, ma...I been watchin'... Only I wish...
What, Ben?
Killed every one -- an' not for food either...Why'd they do a thing like that?
Let's get along...
They got to stop <U>sometime</U>...if they're human at all, they got to stop!
You've said that enough!...Maybe Lucy's dead...maybe they're both dead...but if I hear it from you again, I'll fight ya, Mr. Edwards!
Why'd they break off? Was there water in that canyon?
What you saw wasn't Lucy.
It was, I tell you!
<U>Charlie</U> <U>MacCorry</U>!...You weren't fixin' to marry HIM??
She sure is!...An' don't think your comin' back is goin' to change it!
As to that, I don't know, Charlie... We hadn't got around to talkin' marriage...
What right you got to be talkin' marriage to any decent woman...
If you're talkin' about that crazy murder charge...
It's all right...Charlie, let's move outside.
Another one, eh?
This 'un come a long way 'fore he died.
Is this in the line of duty, sergeant?
No sir...pleasure.
You all right, sergeant?
Dunno...Seems so.
You're goin' if the captain says you're goin'...
Ethan, you an' Martin are hereby appointed civilian scouts -- without pay...Charlie, hightail it to head- quarters an' spread the word...
Haven't seen you since the surrender. Come to think of it, I didn't see you <U>at</U> the surrender.
You ain't goin'...
He sure <U>is</U> goin'...He's sworn in.
You can forget that... Wouldn't be legal anyway.
You askin' as a Reverend or a Captain, Sam?
I'm askin' as a Ranger of the sovereign state of Texas.
Got a warrant?
You fit a lot of descriptions.
He cometh forth like a...
Amen!...Put an 'amen' to it!
What good does that do?
They're camped by the river -- 'bout twenty miles from here. Soon's it gets dark we'll circle out so's to jump 'em before day- break.
It's what we're here for, ain't it?
What do you know about it?...What's a quarter-breed Cherokee know about the Comanche trick of sleeping with his best pony tied right beside him...You got as much chance of stampedin' their herd as...
...as you have of findin' those girls alive by ridin' into 'em... I say we do it my way, Ethan...and that's an order!
You got any more orders, Captain?
If you were tryin' to surround 'em, you sure succeeded.
I didn't give any order to fire!
That's all right, Captain...I don't need any formal invitation to kill a Comanch...
Evenin'...evenin' Reverend...or do I call you 'Captain'...?
Fight fair, son...Use your fists!
I got to ask you and Martin to ride to the State Capitol with me, Ethan.
This an invite to a necktie party, Reverend?
We can get within 500 yards...there's a hogback to the south.
How many, would you say?
Now son, it's a bitter thing to say, but there's more than your sister at stake here.
I didn't <U>want</U> to tell you...but maybe it's your right to know.
I say NO!
What in...?
Go on! Whyn't you have your bugler sound the charge while you're at it??
Sir?
Never mind...Your pa know you're out here?
Yes, sir...Troop's about ten miles back...The Colonel sent me looking for you...
If there's anything I can do, sir...
God forbid...No, son, you flog on back and tell your pa where we're at...and where he's at...
But he knows THAT, sir...Can't I stay, sir?
All right...But keep your eye on me, boy...I'm the hard case you're up against here -- not these childish savages...If you don't hear me first time I holler, you better read my mind...I don't aim to raise no two hollers on any subject at hand...
Is Captain Clayton here, Reverend?
Colonel Greenhill's compliments, sir. The Colonel wishes to know how soon you could put a company of Rangers in the field, fully armed and...
Hold on, son...Who's this Colonel Greenhill you're talking about?
Why Colonel Greenhill is Colonel Greenhill, sir...Commanding Officer, Fifth U.S. Cavalry...I'm Lieutenant Greenhill, sir.
Oh...Now what's this your pa wants to know?
My pa wants to know...<U>Colonel</U> <U>Greenhill</U> wants to know how soon you could put a company of your Rangers in the field, fully armed and equipped, for joint punitive action against the Comanches.
JOINT action?
And what makes you think he's in this territory?
You tell your pa a company of Rangers -- all fourteen of 'em -- fully armed an' equipped will be in the field by daylight...headin' for the south end of the Malapai. If he can catch up with us, well an' good...
But...but captain, we can't possibly take the field tomorrow...for your own protection...
Martin! Ride me as far as the well!
Unnt-meah!
I don't care what they've done to you...what happened...
No Debbie! That ain't what happened! They been lyin' to you...
You lie! All white men lie...and kill...
Debbie, think back! I'm Martin... remember? Remember how I used to let you ride my horse? Tell you stories? Don't you remember me, Debbie?
I remember...from always...At first I prayed to you...come and get me... Take me home...You didn't come...
I've come now...
Ay-eh...They was here...
Steady, Daniel Boone! You don't want to miss...It makes them think their medicine's stronger than yours...
Leggo my arm...You look mangier 'n ever.
Ain't been too good...No sir, not too good...Gettin' old, Ethan...
Well, the reward still stands...
Don't want no money, Ethan...jus' a place -- a roof over m' head...a little grub...a bunk to sleep in... an' a rockin' chair by the fire... my own rockin' chair by a fire...
You help me find her, you got your rockin' chair...
Swear it, Ethan?...Given word?
Told ya, didn't I?
Come f'r my rockin' chai'...ole Mose.
Mose...try to remember!...You were in Scar's camp...
Ay-eh...Made out I was crazy... Ate dirt...chewed grass...I fooled 'em, Ethan!...an' I got away...
Scar! Where's he holed in?
How'd you come by this?
You said there'd be a thousand dollar reward.
That's what I said.
Talk!
A young buck fetched it in late last summer... Said it belonged to a captive chile of Chief Scar...
Scar? Never heard of any Chief Scar.
Me neither...But this buck claimed he was a big war chief with the Nawyecky Comanches.
Keep talking.
Scar's band was headin' north...to winter in at Fort Wingate...eatin' agency beef. That's what this buck said...Maybe he lied.
And maybe you lie...
Don't forget to come back with my thousand dollars.
Sir -- we charged!..Gentlemen -- and I hope you will quote me -- I cannot say too much for the courage of the men who followed me into that Cheyenne camp...
<U>Cheyenne</U>! What Cheyenne?
I beg your pardon?
My name's Edwards...I'm looking for my niece...she was in that camp when you attacked...
Are you sure they didn't die of carbine shots fired by a bunch o' Yank bluebellies so scared they couldn't tell the difference between a Cheyenne and a Comanche?
Keefer!..Put this man under arrest!
Not quite...Quarter Cherokee. The rest is Welsh...So they tell me.
Somethin' mighty fishy about this trail, Uncle Ethan...
Stop callin' me 'uncle'...I ain't your uncle.
Yes, sir.
What you want me to call you?
Name's Ethan...Now what's so mighty fishy about this trail?
Well, come on!
Nothing for you to see.
All right...but I'm givin' the orders...You take 'em or we split up here and now...
Why, sure, Ethan...There's just the one thing we're after...finding Deborah and Lucy...
Easy on that!
Sorry...We don't even know if Debbie 'n Lucy are with this bunch...Maybe they split up...
You want us to fire a shot if...
You all right, Ethan?
Say!...What happened to your blanket? Lose it?
What you goin' to do?
Say it. We're beat!
And you think we got a chance to find her?
Good night...Laurie...
Jorgensen's been runnin' his cattle with my own...
He's agreed to take you on and share the increase from my herd while I'm gone...I'll be pushin' on tomorrow...
I ain't stayin'...I set out lookin' for Debbie...I aim to keep on...
Why?
Because she's my...my...
She's your nothin'...She's no kin to you at all!
I always felt like she was...Her folks takin' me in, raisin' me like one of their own...
That don't make 'em kin...
All right...I ain't got no kin... I'm goin' to keep lookin' that's all.
Martin...I want you to know some- thin'...
Yeah...you want me to know I ain't got no kin -- no money -- no horses -- nothing but a dead man's clothes to wear!..You tole me that already... Now shut your head!
Hey! What's the idea...?
Not so funny...if you recollect what 'Nawyecka' means...
Sorta like 'roundabout' -- like a man says he's goin' one place when he means to go just the reverse...
Oh...
Futterman?
He just couldn't wait...
Let's go...I think I stumbled onto somethin'...
When are you goin' to learn to keep your mouth shut! Come on. Let's get out of here.
But I just bought a good blanket.
What I heard back there was that a band o' hostile Nawyeckas came through this way less'n two weeks ago...
<U>YOU</U> don't understand, ya chunkhead! <U>You</U> didn't buy any blanket! Ya bought <U>her</U>!
What?
You got yourself a <U>wife</U>, sonny!
Oh no! Tell her she's got to go back...
That's the way to train 'em. Looks like Mrs. Pauley's goin' to make you a fine beautiful wife...
Says her name's Wild Goose Flying in the Night Sky...but she'll answer to Look since it pleases ya...
You ask her!
Beats me how she could get that pony out o' camp without neither of us hearin' a thing...
She ain't goin' back to her family, that's certain...not if she took off where the arrow points.
Think she means for us to follow?
I think maybe we oughta...
Ethan, quit it!
Nine... Ten!
Least, <U>THEY</U> won't feed any Comanches this winter...Killin' buffalo's as good as killin' Injuns in this country.
Peaceful tribes depend on the buffalo, too....
Well, you're a widower now...
No...She's not...
Lemme alone...
Suit yourself...While you're enjoyin' your little conversation, I'll be ridin' out with Senor Fernandez here... The Comanch' medicine country ain't far...there's one camp with a chief named Cicatriz.
Never heard of him...
Stay out here.
You figger Scar means to kill us?
He's got to...All these years, run- nin', dodgin', knowin' we were after him...Now we caught up...It's him or us.
Why didn't he make his move back there?
How? She's even forgot her own language!
Go on! Get out of here while you can...
They'll be back...
'I, Ethan Edwards, being of sound mind and without any blood kin, do hereby bequeath all my property of any kind to Martin Pauley...' I don't want your property.... 'Sides, what do you mean no 'blood kin?' Debbie's your blood kin...
Not no more.
You can keep your will! I ain't forgettin' you was all set to shoot her yourself...What kind o' man are you, anyway.
What's that got to do with us?
Wait! We go chargin' in, they'll kill her...and you know it.
I know you are...Only it ain't goin' to be that way...she's alive...
Livin' with Comanches ain't bein' alive...
I saw it...And don't try to tell me it was Aunt Martha's or Lucy's...
Was your niece about their age?
Not far from it...
Hard to realize they're white, isn't it...
Well, we only got the one lead -- Scar...And where we begin to look, I don't know...
There's one thing. We recovered a bushel of trinkets in that camp... cheap stuff...trade goods...Couldn't help noticing that most of it was Mexican...Maybe if you could talk to some of those Mexican traders along the border...What do they call themselves?
Comancheros...
That's the breed...Course it might take time.
I'd be obliged if you'd get to the point, ma'am.
Well, you did all a body could, Ethan.
I got your boy killed.
Why it's just a snip of calico...
You ever see it before...like mebbe on a dress Debbie wore?
Yes!..Yes, I remember!..Have they found her, Ethan?
She's not a little girl any more.
You've seen her!...She's alive?
Oh, all right! Well...Martin says...
From the beginning...
'Dear Miss Laury'...He spells it with a Y instead of an I...E...Wouldn't you think he'd know...
Who cares what he spells it? Read the letter.
The <U>late</U> Mister Futterman?
Every young man should at least once...Go on, Laurie! Read!
They never find that girl.
Don't go takin' that stuff...
What you gettin' red-in-the-face for?...I have brothers, haven't I?
Well I ain't one of 'em!
I'm a woman, Martie... We wash and mend your dirty clothes all our lives...When you're little we even wash <U>you</U>....How a man can ever make out to get bashful in front of a woman I'll never know...
You talk like a feller might just as leave run around nekkid...
Might at least have left me my pants!
Futterman!...He's got a little tradin' post on the South Fork o' the Brazos...Laurie, I just got to get me a good horse! Think yer pa would...
Finish your breakfast...
I gotta catch up with him, Laurie!
Go on then! Pa's in the barn saddlin' the Fort Worth stud... an' you can take the light gelding with the blaze...
Take it and welcome...but don't count on finding me here when you get back...I've been dallying around this god-forsaken wind-scour almost two long years waitin' for you...I ain't cut out to be an old maid!
I...I wrote you a letter...Reckon you didn't get it...
One letter in five years...I read it till the paper dried up and the writing faded out...
It wasn't much of a letter...
No, it wasn't...You mighta said you loved me...You mighta asked me to wait...At least that'd have been something...
But I allus loved you...You know that, without my sayin' it...I couldn't bring myself to ask you to wait...the little I had... not knowin' how much longer until we found Debbie...
Don't cry, Laurie...I understand how it is...I'll just go 'way...
Martie...don't go! Not this time.
You crazy?
It's too late...She's a woman grown now...
I got to fetch her home...
Fetch <U>what</U> home?...The leavin's of Comanche bucks -- sold time an' again to the highest bidder?...With savage brats of her own, most like?...
<U>Laurie</U>! Shut your mouth!
Do you know what Ethan will do if he has a chance?...He'll put a bullet in her brain! And I tell you Martha would want him to!
She'd be about thirteen now...
We got two around that age...
Where?
You'll have to wait until we reach the agency...Fall in behind the column...
But couldn't you...?
Why else?
Say it anyway. Come on, how much do you love me?
I have to cut his windpipe...
You're not a doctor, you'll hurt him!
Ellen, move aside...
Stop that!
So, how does it feel to be kissed by two women?
They say it's fantastic. At least that's what I read in a men's magazine. So who are the two lucky ones?
Oh, the muse... we're still having our differences. You know how it is with women.
What kind of a horrible thing is that?
It still worked in town.
I mean the armchair!
Maybe the antenna's broken.
Hey... the fuse.
Do you know where fuse box is?
Look at this! We'll have to fix the whole wiring. This stuff is dangerous as hell.
We'll call for someone from town first thing in the morning.
Are you crazy? That costs a fortune!
Do you have a better idea?
I'll do it myself.
You?
My father was an electrician. Already forgot that?
Hey, flower child, the sixties are over. And this stuff is hazardous to your health.
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Is everything alright? Aren't you feeling well?
Maybe I should talk to Dr. Roth about it.
I have a funny feeling. Do you think we'll get over all that's happened?
We just have to make a new beginning.
Cherry-red Tears.
What?
Cherry-red Tears, your first book. I read it at least nine times. And then I found out you were going to attend some kind of book fair.
Not a book fair. I was signing autographs in a department store.
I was so excited about meeting you. Again and again, I kept getting in the back of the line so I could be the last to talk to you.
I miss Tommi so much.
So do I, believe me.
Do you really think anything can ever be like it was before?
Maybe different. I don't know, Ellen.
Who was that?
Martin, it's not funny!
Well, apparently it was a big mistake to try talking to you. Don't you remember what we promised to each other? Honesty - trust!
Now, what did I do to deserve this?
So, did you sleep good?
Hey, you're still here. I suppose you like it here with us.
Don't tell me you've made friends with that wandering flea circus?
Where have you been all day?
But that's not the point! What if all these things are somehow connected?
Where have you been?
"Events commonly interpreted as haunting apparitions often result from psychic disharmonies or undigested traumatic ordeals..."
It's just a feeling. Don't you sense it, too?
What? What am I supposed to sense?
Who's that?
What?
She was old.
Old?! Come look at this! She has wounds. Wounds on her head. Like thrashes. Or bites.
Maybe an animal.
Let me guess: Another short circuit?
During the Middle Ages people were executed at every corner. What's your point?
This house, the whole damned area around here is one mass grave... Now you might call me crazy, but there is something negative about the place.
Will you finally cut it out? Just in case you haven't noticed, I am trying to write a book here. And maybe - even with your birdbrains - you can figure it's a pretty tough job. So why can't you just leave me alone?
Martin, what-
You know what I have to do now, and believe me: I don't enjoy doing this.
Of course you'll give me the blame again. Like back then. Just a tiny cut and he could still be alive today - isn't that right, Ellen?
Oh, Ellen. My sweet Ellen... Of course I knew.
I told you, there is no way out. He won't let you go.
It's important - he knows the last chapter.
You know, Tommi wants me to become the man I used to be.
What?
How did you get me out of there?
For God's sake, what happened to me?
Ellen.
Oh, Ellen! I've been wondering when you'd come. Why don't you step in.
I really hate to bother him, but...
Frank Kosinski. Here's the address. Go see him. Ask him.
That's alright. Don't misunderstand my husband. It's only that he's already had enough problems with this case. And who would believe him if he told the truth?
But what is the truth?
Hello. Can I help you?
No, I've never seen him before.
Ellen Straub.
It's a pleasure. You're from the city, right?
Do I look like it that much?
I guess it's too lonely for most folks. It's time for me to get going. It's been a pleasure meeting you.
You know, after doing that job for so many years, you learn to appreciate the simple things in life. Flowers incorporate a beauty that I always missed in life. But certainly, you're not here to chat about my hobbies.
Do yourself a favor: Don't ask.
Listen, it's one thing to have a guilt complex. But I know the difference between when I'm overstrung and when I'm seeing things that are simply not there! Besides, it only began after we moved!
And that is?
Mrs. Straub!
I've killed my husband!
What?
It all went so fast. He was out of his mind and then all of sudden there was this screwdriver. I only wanted to defend myself. You have to call the police...
Oh, Mrs. Straub. May I introduce you to my wife?
Stop scaring people. Let's go. We need to be on our way.
You didn't tell her!
We should leave the past alone.
I think it's starting again. You know... there was something peculiar. If only I knew...
Peculiar? You mean, like back then?
Hammer?
Well, look here!
Damn, this thing is heavy. Where do you want to have it?
Tenth floor.
Look at this. The lock is totally demolished.
Twenty-three, to be exact.
Hey, my man! How's the masterpiece coming along?
We are in desperate want of a Mercutio, Ned, a young nobleman of Verona
And the title of this piece?
Will Where is Mercutio?
You did not like the speech?
Ned I know I know
It's good.
Oh
The title won't do.
Ah
Romeo and Juliet--just a suggestion.
You are a gentleman.
Oh what have I done?
Follow that boat!
I know your face. Are you an actor?
Yes.
Yes, I've seen you in something. That one about a king.
Really?
Do you know that house?
Oh, Thomas! She has cut my strings! I am unmanned, unmended, and unmade, like a puppet in a box.
Thank you, my lady!
Lady?
What do you want, Kit?
My Massacre at Paris is complete.
You have the last act?
You have the money?
Tomorrow.
Then tomorrow you will have the pages.
Wait! Will you desist!
Twenty pounds on delivery
What is money to me like us? Besides, if I need a play, I have another waiting, a comedy by Shakespeare.
Romeo?--he gave it to Henslowe.
Never!
Well, I am to Deptford now, I leave my respects, Miss Rosaline.
I gave Shakespeare two sovereigns for Romeo!
You did. But Ned Alleyn and the Admiral's Men have the playing of it as the Rose.
Burbage, I will see you hanged for a pickpocket.
The Queen has commanded, she loves a comedy and the Master of the Revels favours us.
And what favour does Mr. Tilney receive from you?
We have no Juliet!
We will all be put in the clink.
There is no dog in the first scene, Will Kempe, thank you. How goes it Will?
I am still owed money for this play, Burbage.
Not from me. I only stole it. When are you coming over to the Chamberlain's Men?
Are you writing?
A comedy. All but done, a pirate comedy, wonderful.
What is the chief part?
Romeo. Wit, swordsman, lover.
The title?
Romeo
I will play him. Bring it tomorrow.
It's for Henslowe. He paid me.
How much?
Ten pounds.
I swear it. He wants Romeo for Ned and the Admiral's Men.
Here is two sovereigns--I'll give you two more when you show me the pages.
Words, words, words once, I had the gift I could make love out of words as a potter makes cups out of clay love that overthrows empires, love that binds two hearts together come hellfire and brimstones for sixpence a line, I could cause a riot in a nunnery but now
Black Sue, Fat Phoebe, Rosaline, Burbage's seamstress; Aphrodite, who does it behind the Dog and
Aye, now and again, but what of it? I have lost my gift.
I am here to help you. Tell me in your own words.
I have lost my gift. It's as if my quill is broken. As if the organ of the imagination has dried up. As if the proud tower of my genius has collapsed.
Interesting.
Nothing comes.
Most interesting.
It is like trying to a pick a lock with a wet herring.
How long has it been?
A goodly length in times past, but lately
A woman of property?
She had a cottage. One day, she was three months gone with child, so
And your relations?
On my mother's side the Ardens
No, your marriage bed.
Four years and a hundred miles away in Stratford. A cold bed too, since the twins were born. Banishment was a blessing.
So now you are free to love
Will it restore my gift?
Gentlemen! Thank you! You are welcome.
I saw his Tamburlaine, you know. Wonderful.
Yes, I saw it.
Mr. Fennyman, because you love the theatre you must have a part in my play. I am writing an Apothecary, a small but vital role.
I have not said all. By malign fate, the message goes astray which would tell Romeo of the Friar's plan. He hears only that Juliet is dead. And thus he goes to the Apothecary.
That's me.
When?
Two weeks, three at the most, Aaaagh! For pity's sake.
I have a wonderful new play!
Put his feet in.
It's a comedy.
Cut his nose off.
A new comedy. By Will Shakespeare!
And his ears.
And a share. We will be partners, Mr. Fennyman!
Partners!
What's the title?
Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter.
But I have to pay the actors and the authors.
A share of the profits.
There's never any
Of course not!
Romeo and Ethel The Pirate's Daughter Almost finished?
This time we take your boots off!
What have I done, Mr. Fennyman?
The theatres are all closed by the plague!
Oh, that.
by order of the Master of the Revels!
Mr. Fennyman, let me explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster. Believe me, to be close by the plague is a bagatelle in the ups and downs of owning a theatre.
So what do we do?
Nothing. Strangely enough , it all turns out well.
How?
Where is the play?
Is it going well?
Very well.
But nothing is happening.
I want no more trouble, Mr. Fennyman. As I explained to you, the theatre business
Mr. Shakespeare has given me the part of the Apothecary!
Well, that will have them rolling in the aisles.
Ned, I swear I knew nothing of this!
It is over.
No Juliet?!
it will be all right, madam.
What happened to Sam?
Who are you?
Do you know it?
Will! Where is my play? Tell me you have it nearly done! Tell me you have it started. You have begun?
Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move
No, no, we haven't the time. Talk prose. Where is my play?
It is all locked safe in here
God be praised! Locked?
Who is she this time?!
She is always Aphrodite.
Aphrodite Baggot who does it behind the Dog and Trumpet?
Henslowe, you have no soul so how can you understand the emptiness that seeks a soulmate?
Well, I am a dead man and buggered to boot. My theatre is close by the plague these twelve weeks, my company is playing the inn-yards of England, while Burbage and the Chamberlain's Men are invited to court and receive ten pounds to play your piece, written for my theatre, by my writer, at my risk when you were green and grateful -
What piece? Richard Crookback?
No--it's comedy they want, Will! Comedy! Like Romeo and Ethel?
Who wrote that?
Nobody! You are writing it for me! I gave you three pounds a month since.
Mr. Henslowe, will you lend me fifty pounds?
Fifty pounds? What for?
Burbage offers me a partnership in the Chamberlain's Men. For fifty pounds my hired player days are over.
Cut out my heart! Throw my liver to the dogs!
Where are you going?
Now where? Will?
I feel a scene coming on.
Romeo and Rosaline. Scene One! God, I'm good!
Will! Have you finished?
My tailor. Wants to be an actor. I have a few debts here and there. Well, that seems to be everybody. Did you see a Romeo?
I did not.
Well, I to my work, you to yours. When can I see pages?
We are at least six men short, and those we have will be overparted, ranters and stutterers who should be sent back to the stews. My Romeo has let me down. I see disaster.
Nobody. The author.
We are about to embark on a great voyage.
It is customary to make a little speech on the first day. It does no harm and authors like it.
Cut round him for now.
What? Who?
Romeo.
The one who came with your letter?
Juliet? You mean Ethel.
By God, I wish I knew.
We are lost.
No, it will turn out well.
How will it?
Another little problem.
What do we do now?
The show must you know
Go on.
Juliet does not come on for twenty pages. It will be all right.
How will it?
Kit
How goes it, Will?
Wonderful, wonderful.
Burbage says you have a play.
I insist--and a beaker for Mr. Marlowe. The BARMAN does the business.
I hear you have a new play for the Curtain.
Not new--my Doctor Faustus.
I love your early work. "Was this the face that launched a thousand ships and burnt the topless towers of Ilium?"
I have a new one nearly done, and better. The Massacre at Paris.
Good title.
And yours?
Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter. Yes, I know.
What is the story?
Well, there's a pirate In truth, I have not written a word.
Romeo is Italian. Always in and out of love.
Yes, that's good. Until he meets
Ethel.
Do you think?
The daughter of his enemy.
The daughter of his enemy.
His best friend is killed in a duel by Ethel's brother or something. His name is Mercutio.
Good luck with yours, Kit.
I thought your play was for Burbage.
This is a different one.
"Good morrow, cousin."
"But new struck nine."
"Ay me, sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast?"
It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?"
"Out."
"Of love?"
Two hours at prayer!
Lady Viola is pious, my lord.
Piety is for Sunday! And two hours at prayer is not piety, it is self- importance!
It would be better that you return tomorrow, my lord.
Not ready? Where is she?
Be patient, my lord, she is dressing.
Be good to her, my lord!
God bless you!
Did you like Proteus or Valentine best? Proteus for speaking, Valentine for looks.
I liked the dog, for laughs.
But Silvia I did not care for much. His fingers were red from fighting and he spoke like a schoolboy at lessons. Stage love will never be true love while the law of the land has our heroines played by pipsqueak boys in petticoats! Oh, when can we see another?
When the Queen commands it.
But at the playhouse. Nurse?
Playhouses are not for well-born ladies.
I am not so well-born.
Well-monied is the same as well-born and well-married is more so. Lord Wessex was looking at you tonight.
All the men at court are without poetry. If they look at me they see my father's fortune. I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all.
Like Valentine and Silvia?
No . . . not the artful postures of love, but love that over- throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love like there has never been in a play. I will have love or I will end my days as a . . .
As a nurse.
He sees himself in me! Romeo Montague, a young man of Verona.
Verona again.
Your mother, and your father
From tomorrow, away in the country for three weeks! Is Master Shakespeare not handsome?
He looks well enough for a mountebank.
Oh, Nurse! He would give Thomas Kent the life of Viola De Lesseps's dreaming.
My lady, this play will end badly. I will tell.
Your Majesty.
I have seen you. You are the one who comes to all the plays--at Whitehall, at Richmond.
Your Majesty.
What do you love so much?
Your Majesty
Speak out! I know who I am. Do you love stories of kings and queens? Feats of arms? Or is it courtly love?
I love theatre. To have stories acted for me by a company of fellows is indeed
And--?
And I love poetry above all.
But playwrights teach nothing about love, they make it pretty, they make it comical, or they make it lust. They cannot make it true.
Your Majesty
Your Majesty!
Why, Lord Wessex! Lost your wife so soon?
As stories must when love's denied--with tears and a journey. Those whom God has joined in marriage, not even I can put asunder.
Lord Wessex, as I foretold, has lost his wife in the play- house--go make your farewell and send her out. It's time to settle accounts. How much was the wager?
Fifty shillings. Pounds.
"I know not."
" All my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay, And follow thee my lord throughout the world."
"Madam!"
"I come, anon--But if thou meanest not well, I do beseech thee--"
"Madam!"
When will you write me a sonnet, Will?
I have lost my gift.
You left it in my bed. Come to look for it again.
Are you to be my muse, ROSALINE?
Will!
Mr. Pope! Mr. Phillips! Welcome, George Bryan! James Armitage! Sam! My pretty one! Are you ready to fall in love again?
I am, Master Shakespeare.
But your voice Have they dropped?
No, no, a touch of cold only. We suspect he is lying but WILL has turned away.
Master Shakespeare
Luck be with you, Sam. Sam ?
It is not my fault, Master Shakespeare. I could do it yesterday.
Sam! Do me a speech, do me a line.
" Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"
"Ay pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."
"Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg'd."
"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."
"The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars As daylight doth a lamp. Her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright That birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek.
"Ay me."
I would not for the world!
"O wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?"
"What satisfaction can'st thou have tonight?"
She is a beauty, my lord, as would take a king to church for a dowry of a nutmeg.
My plantations in Virginia are not mortgaged for a nutmeg. I have an ancient name that will bring you preferment when your grandson is a Wessex. Is she fertile?
She will breed. If she do not, send her back.
Is she obedient?
As any mule in Christendom. But if you are the man to rider her, their are rubies in the saddlebag.
Like you, I found him not at home!
What does Burbage care of that? He is readying the Curtain for Kit Marlowe.
You have opened the playhouses?
I have, Master Shakespeare.
But the plague
Who are you, master?
I am Ethel, sir, the Pirate's daughter.
Better fortune, boy.
I was in a play. They cut my head off in Titus Andronicus. When I write plays, they will be like Titus.
I like it when they cut heads off. And the daughter mutilated with knives.
Wait, you'll see the cat bites his head off.
My lady!
Who is there?
Anon, good nurse. Anon. Master Shakespeare?!
The same, alas.
Oh but why "alas?"
A lowly player.
Alas indeed, for I thought you the highest poet of my esteem and a writer of plays that capture my heart.
Oh my lady, my love!
If they find you here they will kill you.
You can bring them with a word.
Can you love a fool?
Wait! You are still a maid and perhaps as mistook in me as I was mistook in Thomas Kent.
Answer me only this: are you the author of the plays of William Shakespeare?
I am.
I do not know how to undress a man.
I would not have thought it. There is something better than a play.
There is.
Even your play.
Oh
And that was only my first try.
You would not leave me?
I must. Look-- how pale the window.
Moonlight!
No, the morning rooster woke me.
Oh, let Henslowe wait.
Mr. Henslowe?
Let him be damned for his pages!
Oh--no, no!
There is time. It is still dark.
It is broad day! The rooster tells us so!
Oh, do not go
Oh, Will!
"Good night, good night. As sweet repose and rest Come to thy heart as that within my breast. O wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?"
That's my line!
I found something in my sleep. The Friar who married them will take up their destinies.
Oh, but it will end well for love?
In heaven, perhaps. It is not a comedy I am writing now. A broad river divides my lovers--family, duty, fate--as unchangeable as nature.
You cannot! Not for the Queen herself!
What will you have me do? Marry you instead?
To be the wife of a poor player?--can I wish that for Lady Viola, except in my dreams? And yet I would, if I were free to follow my desire in the harsh light of day.
You follow your desire freely enough in the night. So, if that is all, to Greenwich I go.
Then I will go with you.
You cannot, Wessex will kill you
I know how to fight!
Will! What--?
Marlowe's touch was in my Titus Andronicus and my Henry VI was a house built on his foundations.
You never spoke so well of him.
He was not dead before. I would exchange all my plays to come for all of his that will never come.
You lie in your meadow as you lied in my bed.
My love is no lie. I have a wife, yes, and I cannot marry the daughter of Sir Robert de Lesseps. It needed no wife come from Stratford to tell you that. And yet you let me come to your bed.
Calf love. I loved the writer, and gave up the prize for a sonnet.
I love you, Will, beyond poetry.
Oh, my love You ran from me before.
You were not dead before. When I thought you dead, I did not care about all the plays that will never come, only that I would never see your face. I saw our end, and it will come.
You cannot marry Wessex!
No no.
Will you read it for me?
"Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day> It was the nightingale and not the lark That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear. Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate tree. Believe me, love, it was the nightingale."
" thou need'st not to be gone."
A hired player no longer. Fifty pounds, Will, for the poet of true love.
I am done with theatre. The playhouse is for dreamers. Look where the dream has brought us.
It was we ourselves did that. And for my life to come I would not have it otherwise.
I have hurt you and I am sorry for it.
The Queen commands a comedy, Will for Twelfth Night.
A comedy! What will my hero be but the saddest wretch in the kingdom, sick with love?
An excellent beginning Let him be a duke. And your heroine?
Sold in marriage and half way to America.
At sea, then--a voyage to a new world? she lands upon a vast and empty shore. She is brought to the duke Orsino.
Orsino good name
But fearful of her virtue, she comes to him dressed as a boy
But all ends well.
How does it?
You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die.
Nor you for me.
Good bye, my love, a thousand times good bye.
My lady Viola.
My lord.
I have spoken with your father.
My lady VIOLA.
Lord Wessex. You have been waiting.
I am aware of it, but it is beauty's privilege.
You flatter, my lord.
No. I have spoken to the Queen. Her majesty's consent is requisite when a Wessex takes a wife, and once gained, her consent is her command.
Do you intend to marry, my lord?
Your father should keep you better informed. He has bought me for you. He returns from his estates to see us married two weeks from Saturday. You are allowed to show your pleasure.
I do not love you, my lord.
How your mind hops about! Your father was a shopkeeper, your children will bear arms, and I will recover my fortune. That is the only matter under discussion today. You will like Virginia.
Virginia?!
Why, yes! My fortune lies in my plantations. The tobacco weed. I need four thousand pounds to fit out a ship and put my investments to work--I fancy tobacco has a future. We will not stay there long, three or four years . . .
But why me?
Will you defy your father and your Queen?
The Queen has consented?
She wants to inspect you. At Greenwich, come Sunday. Be submissive, modest, grateful and brief.
Good morning, my lord!
I mean Your Majesty, they do not, they have not, but I believe there is one who can
You look sad, my lady! Let me take you riding.
It is not my riding day, my lord.
Bless me, I thought it was a horse.
I am going to church.
I understand of course. It is to be expected.
It is to be expected on a Sunday.
And on a day of mourning. I never met the fellow but once at your house.
Mourning? Who is dead, my lord?
He is dead?
Your name?
Take off your hat.
My hat?
Where did you learn how to do that?
I . . .
Wait there.
Are you Mr. Shakespeare?
Yes, sir.
Do you understand me?
No, sir.
I am very sorry, sir, I have not seen Act Two.
She tells me to keep away. She is to marry Lord Wessex. What should I do?
If you love her, you must do what she asks.
And break her heart and mine?
It is only ours you can know.
She loves me, Thomas!
Does she say so?
No. And yet she does where the ink has run with tears. Was she weeping when she gave you this?
I Her letter came to me by the nurse.
Your aunt?
Yes, my aunt. But perhaps she wept a little. Tell me how you love her, Will.
Like a sickness and its cure together.
Yes, like rain and sun, like cold and heat. Is your lady beautiful? Since I came to visit from the country, I have not seen her close. Tell me, is she beautiful?
And her lips?
Oh, Thomas, her lips! The early morning rose would wither on the branch, if it could feel envy!
And her voice? Like lark song?
Deeper. Softer. None of your twittering larks! I would banish nightingales from her garden before they interrupt her song.
She sings too?
Constantly. Without doubt. And plays the lute, she has a natural ear. And her bosom--did I mention her bosom?
What of her bosom?
Oh Thomas, a pair of pippins! As round and rare as golden apples!
I think the lady is wise to keep your love at a distance. For what lady could live up to it close to, when her eyes and lips and voice may be no more beautiful than mine? Besides, can a lady born to wealth and noble marriage love happily with a Bankside poet and player?
Yes, by God! Love knows nothing of rank or riverbank! It will spark between a queen and the poor vagabond who plays the king, and their love should be minded by each, for love denied blights the soul we owe to God! So tell my lady, William Shakespeare waits for her in the garden!
But what of Lord Wessex?
Oh!--it's--it's--oh, it's a house of ill- repute!
"Poet?"
How do I offend, my lord?
By coveting my property. I cannot shed blood in her house but I will cut your throat anon. You have a name?
Here we come at last, my lord!
Are you bringing your laundry woman?
Her chaperone. My lady's country cousin. My, but you be a handsome gallant, just as she said! You may call me Miss Wilhelmina!
On a more fortuitous occasion, perhaps
Is there a man?
A man, my lord?
There was a man, poet--a theatre poet, I heard--does he come to the house?
A theatre poet?
An insolent penny-a-page rogue, Marlowe, he said, Christopher Marlowe--has he been to the house?
Marlowe? Oh yes, he is the one, lovely waistcoat, shame about the poetry.
You upstart inky pup! Now I will show you your place, which is in hell!
You are on my ground.
What's his name?
All right, just a few questions.
Do a little freebasemaybe, from time to time?
Turning very briefly to the subject of corporate finance -- no, this is important. Leveraged buy-outs -- a good thing or a bad thing?
Squash is often used as a metaphor to represent a struggle for personal domination.
Serve.
I was trying to educate you.
Just serve.
In the same fashion as chess.
What?
Chess. Chess is often used as well.
Will you shut up and play.
You're a bad loser.
I don't want to devalue your victory, but I just want you to know: I wasn't trying to win.
Victory is the same as defeat. It's giving in to destructive competitive urges.
You learn that in your psychotherapy group?
What do you think?
About what?
About this guy, this Hugo person.
I don't have time.
I'm only asking what you think.
He made it clear.
Only on expenses.
No, she's not in. Without waiting for any more, he replaces the reciever and walks to the door, where he picks up the mail. On his way back from the door, David emerges, ready to go to work.
Have you seen him?
Alex, I don't have the time --
Yes or no, yes or no, yes or --
I saw my grandmother, of course, but I don't suppose that counts. I mean, she was alive at the time.
No.
Think about it.
No.
Come on, David.
No.
You mean immoral.
I'm only asking you both to think about it.
It's asick idea, Alex. It's sick.
But don't tell me that you're not tempted by it. Don't tell me that you're not interested. I know you well enough.
You think so?
He's still here.
He couldn't get his car started.
When are you going to let the police know?
You call them if you want.
Now what else? DAVID I don't know.
A spade, we need a spade -- I wish you would concentrate -- we need a spade if we're going to dig a pit.
So who's going to do it?
Dig the pit, I don't know.
No, not that.
Then what? Who's going to do what?
You know what I'm talking about.
Do I? What? What? What are you talking about?
You know what. Who's going to do it.
We all are, David, we're all going to do it. Each of us, you, me and Juliet, will do his or her bit. Is that fair enough?
I can't do it.
I don't hear this.
I won't be able to.
You're telling me you want out? Already? You're telling me you don't want the money? Hugo is going off. He smells. The flat smells. We can't wait any longer.
Family? Family? Friends? Drugged-up wandering suicidal search of the self fuck-ups don't have families, David.
I just thought we should discuss it.
I don't know.
Finished.
But not quite.
Don't you worry about that.
Is this necessary?
That was good.
Can we talk about something?
Listen, it's important. We need to talk about what we're going to do --
What's the problem?
I want to talk now.
After you drink to love and happiness forever.
Now.
Good luck. I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Yeah, but you were good, you were really good. Fucking bin-bag', I liked that. You were good. You explored your maleness to the full there.
How much did you pay?
I don't know.
How much did you pay?
I don't know.
How much?
What is this?
Security.
From what? Jehovah's Witnesses?
There was a break-in.
Doesn't it worry you?
What's all this for, more security?
I fitted a lock up there. On the inside.
What? Yes, that's fine.
You're sure? There's lots more.
No, I'm sure, that'll be enough.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
You're not eating.
Not eating what?
Not eating like you used to, that's what.
I want to secure it.
You looking for me?
Looking for you? Yes.
What for? What did you want? The money? Was that it?
Who?
Your friends.
It wasn't deep enough. I told you it wasn't deep enough, but you wouldn't listen.
It doesn't neccessarily matter. They don't even know who those people are, and even if they did, they have nothing to connect them with us, nothing at all.
I'm glad you're so certain, Alex. It makes us feel a whole lot better.
But they know.
They can know all they like, it won't do them the slightest bit of good --
They know.
They know? So what? They have nothing, there is nothing, to connect us to that bodies stuff.
Sex lines? Is that it? Triple X-rated interactive fantasy? Old habits die hard.
Yeah, I was phoning your mother.
You old devil. Well, anyway, as you can see, we're leaving.
So I gathered.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
It's all right. I'll forward your mail.
No, really, I am sorry, sorry to be ducking out on you like this. I hope you won't take it personally.
Oh, no, no, no. Don't let it worry you. Not at all. It's probably for the best.
For the best. Exactly. I wouldn't want things to end on a downer.
Not at all.
I mean, we've had ups and downs, right -- good times, bad times?
Yeah?
No, can't think of anything else that matters.
About the mail --
It's very kind of you to offer, but --
Where do you think you'll go?
What?
I bought the tickets. One for her and one for me. It was my idea.
Out in the woods. Three bodies. Decomposed. Mutilated. Beyond recognition.
I don't know anything about it.
Of course you don't know anything about it. If you knew anything about it, I wouldn't have to send you over there to cover it.
Cover it?
Well?
But there's no --
Animals involved? I know, but you need a change. And besides, we're short.
I don't know.
Don't know what?
Is this being recorded?
This is just an informal discussion.
Are you recording it?
What does it look like?
It looks like he's writing everything down.
That's because he is. Does that upset you?
No. Why should it?
Well, then?
I've never seen any of these men before.
Take another look at these two.
I don't know them.
And if I told you their car was parked outside, would that surprise you?
Well, is it?
What?
Parked outside?
That's it, then.
That's all?
Sorry to waste your time.
Oh, no problems. Don't worry.
Just one thing.
What? Uh, no, no, it's a fake. I picked it up in Thailand. The second hand doesn't sweep, you see.
Right.
That's right.
Well, Cameron, are you comfortable?
Yes, thanks.
Good. Well, you've seen the flat?
Yes.
And you like it?
Oh, yes, it's great.
Yes. It is, isn't it? We alllike it. And the room's nice too, don't you think?
Yes.
Spacious, quiet, bright, well appointed, all that sort of stuff, all that crap.
Well, yes.
What?
Cameron.
Cameron?
Yes.
When you slaughter a goat and wrench its heart out with your bare hands, do you then summon hellfire?
When you get up in the morning, how do you decide what shade of black to wear?
And when did anyone last say to you these exact words: You are the sunshine of my life'?
Did you know --
I thought you stopped going.
God, you two are sensitive. All I'm doing is implying some sort of sordid, ugly, sexual liason. Why, I'd be proud of that sort of thing.
Maybe you should go, Alex.You'll meet someone wonderful.
For my life? At a discussion group? I think not.
For the flat.
No. Be someone else like him. One is enough. And what happened to that girl, that friend of yours, the one that came round. I liked her. I really felt we had something. She could have moved in. We had chemistry.
She hated you --
Well, she had problems --
-- more than anyone she has ever met. In her whole life.
Has he tried down the back of the fridge? I mean, that's where I normally find things.
Who was it?
So we'll meet him, then?
Aroused and inflamed.
Alex.
I'm not usually drunk.
In a moment he's going to tell he could have been someone --
It was you, Juliet, it was you --
-- instead of what he is --
What I am.
-- which is --
-- which is a hack.
The man we know and love.
A miserable, burnt-out, empty shell of a -- Alex pauses, looks at his drink, then at Juliet.
Know and love?
Yeah.
I think you're lying.
You're right.
You see, they don't really know me.
Have you seen Hugo?
David hasn't seen him either.
So I gathered.
Maybe he didn't like us.
David?
Hugo.
His car's still there.
He's got a car?
So what's wrong with that?
What sort of car?
Alex, how shouldI know? I'm just a girl.
I will ask you once more, what sort of car --
Hugo. Hugo. Sorry about this, but can you open the door? It's us, Hugo, your flatmates and companions. Your new-found friends. He's not in. He's left and we'll probably never see him again.
Alex, the key is in the keyhole on the other side.
So?
Open it.
You want me to kick it open?
Yes.
Now?
Yes.
I wonder how he did it?
Did what?
Alex.
What? What's wrong?
What are you doing?
I'm just looking.
Don't.
Don't look?
No.
Why not? What's wrong, Juliet? Aren't you curious? Don't you wonder what he died from?
No.The guy's dead.What more do you need?
It's not every day I find a story in my own flat.
Thats not a story, Alex. It's a corpse.
No, Alex. It's, it's --
What?
Unfeasible.
Who's going to do it?
I thought we all were.
I don't thinkI can.
But you're a doctor. You kill people every day.
I don't want to. It's different.
Whoever draws the short straw does it all. That way, you either do it or you don't. All or nothing.
OK.
Be careful.
Yeah, we don't want another stiff on our hands. Don't fall through the ceiling. OK? Is he listening to me?
Stop nagging.
Sshh.
Love and happiness for ever.
David, I promise we will. Keep him happy.
Look over there. It's Cameron.
Who?
Cameron. You remember Cameron.
No, I don't.
What's he doing here?
That's not him.
Well, you certainly had a good look around.
Hello. Hello.
Who was it?
Don't know. No one said anything. ALEX Rendered speechless with desire. I recall that feeling, from the days when I had such a thing.
Are you all right?
No.
Will you calm down.
Is this the same stuff you made last week?
No, no, it's different.
I hope it tastes better than the other stuff.
It tastes different.
You know, you should spend some of that money instead of worrying about it. That's my advice.
Once it's spent you won't have to worry about it.
Be like a weight off your shoulders.
You know we're right.
I don't see the point in that.
Leave him alone.
He can't stay up there.
He'll come down. Leave him alone.
Yeah, he's got to go to work, hasn't he? You think he'll come down for that?
No, but he's looking after the money, so what's the problem?
Boy, am I glad to see you.
What are you doing here?
We have to talk.
Later. But first -- him.
David?
Exactly. Now I've been thinking --
Oh, good.
He won't do anything for me, but for you --
Forget it.
He isn't safe up there. If you really cared about him, you'd use your influence to get him down, then he'd be safe.
And the money?
We could put it somewhere.
Where he can't get it?
Now you thought of that, not me.
Expecting anyone?
No.
Aren't you going to answer it?
No, definitely not. And that's that. I refuse to discuss it further.
It's the only way.
I refuse.
You're frightened.
You'll wait in the hall?
I'll wait there.
And if it sounds like I'm being killed, you'll phone the police, you'll tell them everything?
Everything.
Everything. Except maybe that it was his idea and not mine in the first place. OK? That's important to me. I need to die misunderstood.
Alex.
What?
Are you all right?
I don't know. I thought maybe I was --
Of course, but I think you'll find the print medium provides a more lucid and detailed --
It makes us feel a whole lot better.
It's about me and David.
The perfect couple, I should say.
You mustn't take it so badly.
Don't worry about it. I'd do exactly the same, but I don't think I'm his type.
Don't you ever stop?
Stop him, Alex. You've got to stop him.
Interesting.
I see.
So, uh...
What?
What?
You were going to say something.
It's OK. There's no problem.
You mean I can have the room?
Can you afford this place?
Good evening. I'm Detective Inspector McCall and this is DC Mitchell. I wonder if we could ask you some questions.
What about?
It's about the burglary.
Burglary?
Downstairs.
Of course.
So I just heard her cries for help and all that, and when I went downstairs there were already those other people there, so I just stood around really, waiting -- you know how people do -- and then when your colleagues arrived I came back upstairs. And that's about all, I think. I didn't actually see anything useful, I don't think.
did you hear anything before he cries?
No, not that I recall, I was asleep.
Have you seen anything or anyone suspicious around here in the last few days?
No, nothing, sorry.
Well, if you do, you'll let us know?
Of course.
And the other three people on the flat, did they hear anything?
Two?
Who said there were four?
We understood there were four people living here. Not always, of course, but now, four.
No, three. Who said there were four?
How strange. And how unsatisfactory to have misleading information. Only three people here. You're sure?
Yes, absolutely.
I see.
I doubt it. And these two other people, did they hear anything?
No, they were asleep. They didn't even wake up.
Yes. Why do you think you woke and they didn't?
Loks like you had a break-in up here as well.
Is this where no one stays?
No, I've never seen them.
You're sure of that.
Yes.
Why do you want a room here?
Look, it's a fairly straightforward question. You're either divorced or you're not.
It's just that you strike me as a man trapped in a crisis of emotional direction, afflicted by a realization that the partner of your dreams is, quite simply, just that.
Just get on with it, Alex.
Is this what they always look like?
I've never seen a dead body before.
Are you all right?
Oh, yes, I'm fine, thanks, just fine.
Would you like to talk about it?
Do you know many of these people?
Do you think you could be a little more forceful next time?
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I think he got the message anyway.
Two hundred.
Two hundred pounds?
Two hundred pounds.
You paid two hundred pounds for this?
That's what it cost, David.
Expecting anyone?
What?
Were you expecting anyone? Tonight?
No.
Visitors? Some friends maybe? Someone you talked to?
No one. I promise.
Who have you talked to?
No one.
I thought you'd gone to work.
I'm sorry.
We already know. All about it.
So let's go.
Yes.
Eh, I don't know.
Oh, don't be so coy, dear. You're going to Rio.
What?
But I bet you didn't say you were going to split on him.
It wasn't like that.
What do we do here, David?
Sorry?
Here.
Right here?
In this firm.
Well, it's a wide range of, eh --
Accounting, David, chartered accounting --
Exactly what I was --
-- is often sneered at. Are you aware of that?
Not any real sneering as such, no.
There's a whole wide world out there, and it all needs to be accounted for, doesn't it?
Eh --
But they sneer, don't they?
I'm not sure --
Oh, it's unfashionable, I know, but, yes, we're methodical, yes, we're dilligent, yes, we're serious, and where's the crime in that, and why not shout it from the rooftops, yes, maybe sometimes we are a little bit boring, but by God, we get the job done.
Yes, sir.
And that's why I think you fit in here.
I'm boring?
You get the job done.
Oh, I see, I thought you meant --
Hello.
What happened to that guy?
What guy?
What guy that died?
That one, last week.
Here?.
Yeah, here, I mean, where else?
Oh, him. Well, he died.
You must be Hugo.
You must be Juliet.
Would you like to come in?
It's nice.
What do you do?
Well, I've been away for a bit, travelling, that sort of thing, and now I'm trying to write a novel.
What's it about?
A priest who dies.
I see.
Yeah. Well, maybe I'll change it.
No.
Yes, I mean, who wants to read about another dead priest? It's about some other guy, some guy who's not a priest, who doesn't die. You see, it's better already.
Writing seems easy.
Do you think you could answer that?
The telephone? It continues to ring.
Yes, the telephone, but if it's for me, I'm not in. HUGO You're not in.
No.
It was some guy called Brian.
Did he sound upset?
A little bit. Is that good or bad?
Shall I answer it?
Working nights?
I'm a doctor.
And he's a patient of yours?
No. But he needs treatment.
For what?
A certain weakness.
The human condition.
You know about it?
I write about it?
And that's not the same thing?
October 15th, direct flight, London Heathrow to Rio de Janeiro, British Airways, you are looking at seven hundred and sixty-five pounds. Seven six five.
That sounds fine.
Air Portugal, on the other hand, via Lisbon, same day, five hundred and sixty-five. Five six five. It's up to you. Catering important?
What?
Air France. Glasgow. Direct, but then you're looking at the wrong end of nine hundred and twelve pounds. That's nine one two. It's up to you.
Yes, the first one's fine. Heathrow direct.
It's up to you. Air Patagonia. New outfit: via Caracas and Bogot . No catering. Four hundred and eleven pounds. Four one one. Good value, but refueling at Bogot is variable.
The first one was fine.
Take all the time you like, doctor.
I'm sorry, I've never seen any of them.
No. I haven't seen them.
Do you think you have a good memory for faces?
Same as everyone else.
But in your work you must meet lots of different people, every day -- new people, new faces. No?
Yes.
And what do you recognize, names or faces?
Diseases.
Like recognizing criminals by their crimes.
I suppose so.
I mean, that's what it's like.
Sorry?
Both, sir.
Offering it for debate.
You can tell by the intonation.
Your watch.
Is it real?
You're in a good mood today, George.
Yeah, baby. Things are great. Listen, there's Devra, whatta you want?
Chicken salad.
Anyway, you remember Harold?
Don't you think there's too much gold?
It's great. You wanna speak to Mary? Hold on...
I don't know, I think...
Look, would you argue with your doctor?
I thought you were in a good mood.
I am... except I've gotta do somebody at their house.
Don't you like her?
No, it's a very groovy girl.
Then what's the problem?
She's a very groovy girl. That's the problem.
What're you talking about, George?
Do you think George is a fairy?
Who?
That kid... the hairdresser.
Maybe he's just a kooky guy who likes doing something kooky like that.
Maybe... why do you ask?
I'm thinking of investing with him. He worries me.
Why?
Maybe he's too flighty and irresponsible. That's why I asked if he was a fairy.
I don't know. He's a hairdresser.
You suggested it, don't you think it's a good idea?
Yes, but... I thought...
What?
That you were just indulging me.
That's George.
-- yes, Senator -- just a minute, dear --
That girl's making an awful spectacle of herself.
What do you expect me to do about it?
I just thought you'd like to know --
Lester.
-- I hope you like Miss Shawn --
-- what, who? Oh she's very nice, yes -- I mean normally ---
-- cause she's going to be very, very expensive.
We cannot go into this later.
That's okay too.
-- is that right?
-- is that what this is all about?
Yes and you don't have to be sarcastic about it, that's a beautiful thing he's doing -- some people do more than go to the beauty parlor and shop at Saks --
Lester, you're a miserable man. You're not helping anybody. You're just twisting arms to raise money for a lot of silly son of a bitches that are out for themselves -- this is just business, don't kid yourself. And you know the worst thing about it, even if it does somebody some good somewhere which I can't possibly imagine, you'll never know the difference.
What are you talking about?
Whoever she is, she doesn't give up, does she?
What're you looking for?
My keys.
I thought you said you weren't going anywhere.
I'm not. I mean I've gotta see this friend of mine for a few minutes.
Thanks a lot.
Listen, baby, don't leave, really.
Why not?
I'll be right back, it's just that this girl is a different girl... she has attacks.
What?
She's got a...
Does she have a pancreatic ulcer?
Yeah, I think so.
That's very serious. Who's her doctor?
I don't know.
Gee, that's very serious...
I know.
Ruth Lesserman had a pancreatic ulcer.
She did?
It turned out to be cancer.
Wow.
So what are you doing going over there? You're not her doctor.
And listen, I'll be right back and I want your ass in that bed when I get back.
You're very rude... if you don't come back --
I'll be back in a while.
I don't want to see you anymore.
You're late, George.
I gotta talk to you.
I don't want to talk about it...
But you don't know what happened.
I don't care about that girl, I don't care if she's dead.
Calm down, baby.
I'm perfectly calm, George, I'm simply saying you have no respect for me, that you're incapable of distinguishing between me and one of your average Hollywood... mummers...
-- What?
Nummers.
What?
-- I like myself far too much, far too much.
I don't want to place you in any position --
-- to be put in that kind of position...
George --
I'm not used to that kind of treatment.
What kind of treatment?
I've never been treated that way, and I'm not going to start now.
I can see that.
You're looking great, baby.
What're you doing later?
Whatever you say.
I don't know. I'm beginning to feel guilty.
What about?
All I ever do is play. I should be doing something to get my own shop open.
Why don't you see Lester?
Your husband?
Yes.
What about?
The shop. I think you're a good investment, and I don't mind telling him.
Is she all right?
-- Anyway.
I hope she's all right.
She's fine. You really think I'd be a good investment?
I wouldn't say so if I didn't.
No, I know.
And I certainly wouldn't tell Lester.
I know.
I mean it or I wouldn't say it.
Hi.
Comb my hair out later, honey.
No, that's okay, I'll do It now.
But aren't you...
Why didn't you come alone? Lester invited you. Did you have to bring her?
Well she...
She what?
She's a friend of Jill's.
Sweetheart, it's a bore out there... let's lock the door.
Holy Christ. You want to get us killed?
Oh, no.
... what?...
That headboard.
You going to answer it?
Want me to?
You're rude. I mean, you're very rude.
Hey, I tried to get her off the phone.
You know what I'm talking about.
No, baby. Now look, that girl that called -- I have to talk to her, she'll do something.
Like what?
Well, is she your girlfriend?
No.
Are you in love with her?
Her?
Are you?
No.
Then it's not your problem.
It isn't?
No. You know too many sick ladies.
I guess so.
How do you expect to get anything done if you allow yourself to get sidetracked? Particularly in your business... you deal with women every day...
I guess so.
Don't worry, honey, I'll protect you.
Okay.
Shit.
You here to see my mother?
Yeah.
She's out, but you're supposed to wait.
Hungry?
This is the one thing I like about this house... want some lox?
No thanks.
You're my mother's hairdresser?
I do her hair, yeah.
Chopped liver?
No thanks.
Are you gay?... baked apple?... they're cold but they're good.
No thanks.
Did you hear me?
Yeah.
Well, are you? Are you queer?
... yeah.
C'mon, are you or aren't you?
C'mon, tell me. Don't be afraid.
Why do you wanna know so bad?
See if you've been making it with my mother.
Nothing, I guess... have you ever made it with a guy?
Have you ever made it with a girl?
I asked you first.
Well, are you?
Am I what?
I'd like to do your hair sometime.
Why?
... just, you could look very heavy...
Don't make conversation with me.
What?
Yeah, it is.
I never get my hair done.
No kidding.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been to a beauty parlor in my whole life.
No shit.
You think that's funny, don't you?
Yeah.
You live a phony cheap cop-out existence.
Yeah...
Beverly Hills hairdresser... what kind of a thing is that to do... you might as well be a faggot... think that's funny too?
No.
Then what do you think?
That you're just like your mother.
I am not like my mother!
You are.
I am not!
I am not!
Look... Do you wanna fuck me?
Right now?
Oh yes. Mrs. Shumann called about you.
Right.
How is she?
Great.
Wonderful woman.
She is.
I went to school with her husband.
Great.
So you want to go in business for yourself?
Right.
And you need money?
Right, that's right.
You do know what money's like these days.
Jesus, look at this. Nine, nine and three quarters -- that's our prime rate. And I'll tell you something else: the big boys are going for it.
They are?
After all, Mr. Roundy, we're paying six percent. Six percent. FHA's at eight and a half -- no, we won't be going back to the old days.
I guess not...
What sort of references do you have?
Well, I do Barbara Rush.
Pardon me?
Her hair, I do Barbara Rush.
I've got the customers... that's my point. I'm the one they want. If I had my own shop, they'd leave and come to me. I have a lot of customers.
George!
Yeah.
You're late, we're all backed up and you're supposed to go to Buffums.
Buffums?
Yes, Buffums.
I've got heads here, Norman.
You promised you'd do the show.
Oh fuck, Norman!
You're late, George.
What!
Somebody's going to have to wash Mrs. Young. Mary's not here.
You do it.
Look, Norman, I'm not the shampoo girl.
So how's Norman?
Jesus...
-- Listen, I'm supposed to take Jill to El Cholo tonight. She's really going to be pissed if I don't.
-- Maybe she'll come with us. If I tell her how important it is to me, I don't think she'll mind. Do you?
I don't know. Probably not.
Jill's really great, isn't she?
How long you had this?
Oh, about six weeks now... Lester -- well, he's very sweet.
I'm sure.
He's a very private person, actually.
-- Well no. It never came up.
You going to tell him?
Shut up, it's all right. Do you want a drink?
No, thanks.
Where do you want to do this?
Probably the bathroom.
Well, what do you think?
I'd cut it...
You would?
Yeah, I think so...
You don't seem very sure.
Okay... but I want you to know one thing. I've got to look great tonight, I mean I have to look great, okay?
Jill's coming with us.
Great.
She's incredible... She loves you, George.
... I don't get it done often.
Whew.
What's wrong?
It's hot in here.
It's the sauna, I keep the sauna on and it makes the whole bathroom hot.
Not too much, don't cut too much.
Jackie, would you argue with your doctor.
Bernstein... seemed to think I hated men.
No.
Why not?
... he tried to... uh... make it with me.
And?
And what?
It was after you, baby. After you.
Boy, that sauna is really... can't you turn it down or something?
Anyway, he offered me a silver cloud. At least he should give me a Ferrari and pay off my house and give me a nine carat ring or something...
Did Lester know about him?
George...
I just have to do one little thing.
If you screw me up for tonight, I'll kill you, I swear to God, I'll kill you.
George... how about Felicia?
What?
Did you?
Did I what?
You know what I'm talking about.
Hey, I don't tell.
Can I count on that? I just want to see Lester with me and that cunt in the same room tonight.
Yeah?
Now, baby... if I told you about her... then you couldn't count on me not telling anymore... could you?
Baby...
You did, I know you did.
One of my few virtues is discretion.
George...
Yeah, baby...
No! Don't! Please!
It'll ruin everything.
I know... you don't know, I know.
Sit down.
What are you talking about?
Look, either come in or stay out!
-- you'll be the prettiest thing in the room -- light's green...
-- oh yeah... what do you know about this guy?
-- what guy?
-- this guy with Jill.
Jesus Christ, there's Norma Stern. Look at her hair.
What about it?
We're upstairs, George. Now come on. Behave yourself, and for Christ's sake, do me a favor. Don't let me drink too much.
Don't do it.
That son of a bitch, everything he says is a phony piece of shit, what does he think, I'm some cigar butt he's got between his teeth --
He just completely ignores me. He could have at least said something, introduced me or something.
-- Just get me out of here, baby. I can't stand it. It's killing me.
-- we can't now.
-- don't you want to --
Jackie, can we --
-- you are.
-- gee...
-- what?
I don't know what gets into me.
You were great.
No, I blew it, I blew it with Lester.
No you didn't.
You don't think so? I do.
You were great.
That sounds like me.
Where do you want to go?
Sammy's?
He still having parties?
What are you looking at?
-- yeah.
-- look, you don't have to entertain me...
Am I entertaining you?
We're friends.
-- sure.
-- where'd you go?
-- oh I thought you were --
-- what?
-- very nice, very nice.
-- but you never were much of a tit man --
Mmmm --
-- ass and legs --
Look who's talking.
Me?
-- yes, you --
Well of course. Who loves a big fanny on a man?
What's wrong?
-- we're kidding ourselves.
-- we are?
-- last night I dreamt I was fifty years old and Mary told me I was supposed to meet Jill at the shop. It seared me shitless.
Why?
-- Jesus --
-- good afternoon --
I've got to leave?
-- yes, honey, you've got to get out of here.
Why?
Where are you going?
Please, we'll have to talk later --
Look about last night --
Forget about last night, it's okay, we'll talk when I get back --
It's not okay, I mean we've got to talk now. Where are you going?
-- It's Malone's.
You're going to kill me.
No --
Well then what are you trying to do-
Jackie... Jackie?... answer me, for God's sake, answer me.
If you knew how many times I wanted to hear you say that...
So I'm saying it...
It's too late...
What's too late about it? Look, we're not dead, are we? That's the only thing that's too late.
Lester's left Felicia. He's taking me to Acapulco on the five o'clock flight. He's asked me to marry him.
So what? You don't love him, do you? Answer me.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't know... Jackie?
God, there's Lester...
Don't go, Jackie...
I can't just let him stand by the door...
Don't leave me...
I've got to... I've got to tell him where I am.
What for?
Do you know what that Lillian Bercovici just did?
No, man.
-- Right after I sprayed her?
What?
I can't even stand to talk to her on the phone.
Hey, what's happening? Mary! Telephone. What's the matter?
Wanda...
Oh yeah?
You were supposed to handle that bitch, she's always asking for you, and she was furious you weren't here.
Yeah?...
She's murdered her hair... you do something with her, I'm never going to touch her again.
I'm busy, man.
If I have to touch her again, I'll throw up!
Yeah!
Wash her.
What with?
-- You takin' a lot of shit lately, George.
-- Oh yeah.
-- White ladies?
That boy always does great. He's a corporal or a squad leader or something, just wrote me from some place called Kwang Due?
What's wrong, Mary, are you drunk? Look, I've had a rough night, one of the roughest I've ever had, now I'm not in the mood for any sulking bullshit, what's wrong? Are you sick? Are you drunk? Can you work?
Otis is dead.
-- you shouldn't talk to me like that no matter what, George... you know better...
-- oh -- sweetheart...
-- you shouldn't do me like that...
-- please, please forgive me...
-- you know better...
-- why did you come in today?
-- left my bag, didn't have no money...
-- how did you get here?
-- took a bus.
Jackie Shawn.
-- yeah, this is --
-- yes, George.
I guess you haven't heard from her yet.
Not yet.
Nothing, my sister's back from Vegas.
That's too bad.
I have to see you.
Hi, George.
Hey, baby, what's happening?
Nothing, I reconciled with Ron, you know, the guy I divorced last summer.
Call me!
I don't have your number, stop by the shop.
There were some shots.
What're you talking about?
Gunshots, there were some gunshots.
Where?
Here in the canyon.
Well, it's a big canyon. Honey, I'm sorry but I've gotta get back... just for a minute.
Let me come, too. Please don't leave me alone.
What's gonna happen?
I don't know... every once in a while I just get the feeling something awful's going to happen.
Well, like what?
I've had these dumb dreams lately.
What?
They're dumb, somebody... I don't know...
Who?
I just... who what?
I don't know. I can't remember. It was just in my dream.
Nobody's gonna get you. Now get inside.
George, I don't --
George --
Keep moving --
Now, George --
How are you, baby?
Fine. How are you?
Great, great, fantastic. Fantastic. Incredible. Incredible, really incredible.
What?
I'm gonna open the shop, baby, I'm gonna open the shop. I'm getting it together.
How?
When I was a little kid, I used to want to go to Europe but right now wherever I am I'm gonna be in Europe.
Honey, what happened?
I just came from a meeting... I can't talk about it now, baby. But in a few days -- see I'm disgusted with my life.
I thought you said you were at the epitome of your life.
I am, I am. But I've had it with chicks. They're like an occupational hazard. Six guys working for me... I'm gonna retire or settle down or something.
What about me?
You're different.
I am?
You're great.
I am?
Yeah.
Do you really mean that?
Honey?
Yeah, baby.
Will we live together?
We live together now.
But in the same house, you know, one house.
Maybe you don't even like children.
Of course I like children.
You've never even been around one.
I'm around you and I like you, don't I?
Yeah.
Okay... Night, baby.
George?
What!
Not right now, I don't mean right now... but eventually...
Okay, baby. Okay...
George.
Hey, baby, what's happening?
They want me to go to Egypt for three weeks.
Jill, say hello to Felicia.
Yeah, baby...
Great.
Could I talk to you for a second?
Hey, I'm, you know --
Yeah.
I said I wasn't sure if I could go.
Go where?
Egypt!
Oh, great, listen, baby, I gotta get back, okay?
Okay, but how did it go at the bank?
George.
Hey, baby, say hello to Felicia.
I already said hello.
Okay.
George.
Yeah, baby.
When can I talk to you?
Baby, I'm in the middle of work.
I know but this is important. I have to make a decision.
About what?
Whether or not I'm going.
Going where?
Egypt.
Honey, have they offered you the job?
No, but I think they might.
What do you want?
Your advice!
They didn't offer you the job yet.
I want your feelings about it.
Right now?
Look, either we have a meaningful relationship or we don't, I've got to know.
When?
When I get off work.
When is that?
I'll call you.
When is that, George?
I'll call you.
But I never know when you're working and when you're not working!
Neither do I, baby.
What?
Nothing, I'll call you, okay?
Jill says nothing.
Where's your car?
A friend dropped me off.
Who?
Never mind. Where've you been?
What business meeting?
Look at the way I live.
I've been trying to reach you all afternoon. You weren't in the shop. What is this thing tonight?
What do you mean, what is it? It's some political bullshit.
I have to have Jackie ask me? Don't you think you could call me and let me know? Look at my hair.
I know, honey.
Maybe I should get a dog... no, it would just shit all over the house and I'd never clean it up.
What does he direct besides traffic?
Ha, ha.
Television or movies?
Now, Jackie --
I've got to get her out of here.
-- go ahead.
-- well aren't you --
-- what? -- I'll see you later...
I don't want to fight, George.
I don't want to fight either. Look... uh -- I love you.
Bullshit.
How come you took your own car?
I didn't want him meeting me here.
Well that's something.
What is.
You did fuck him, didn't you?
Didn't you, baby?
Let go of me or I'll scream, I'll call the police.
That was him.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, did you get a job out of it at least?
-- and take this with you.
Where did this come from?
So who else was there besides Jackie? Huh?... huh?
Baby, don't do this. I do love you.
Obviously.
How many?
What do you wanna know for?
I just want to know, that's all.
What difference does it make?
Baby, please don't... I love you.
I don't want to be a fool!... I want to look them in the eye and say, I know!
Baby, don't do this --
-- it'll help me if you'll tell me.
-- please, baby --
-- no, it'll help me, really --
How?
... well I'm glad you told me.
What? What? What? What? What?
... honest. At least you're honest with me.
I wish you'd go now.
That's all you've got to say?
-- yes.
-- tell me something -- did you talk about me?
George...
Did you?
Please!... that's not like you.
Yeah, I know. Did you?
George, now cut this out.
Did you?
Stop it.
Did you?
Yes, yes, I did.
What did you say?
George, if you keep this up I'm going to scream.
What did you say?
George...
What did you say?
What're you here for?
-- A wash and set.
No.
No?
You need a cut.
But Mr. Norman said --
Said what!
I just needed a wash and set, a wash and set, that's all.
Felicia says you're a very good hairdresser.
Well, yeah.
She says you're a fabulous hairdresser.
Thank you.
Oh, well, I went to beauty school... you know you go to beauty school... and you get your operator's license... and you graduate... and you're a hairdresser.
It's an unusual trade.
But the important thing is you're successful at it.
In a way. But...
But what?
Well, George, I invest for a lot of people. I make a lot of money for them. More than they could do for themselves.
It's good you want to do something, George.
Thank you.
But personal services are not the kind of thing I usually get into.
They're not?
No, they're a pain in the ass, there's no way of keeping track of anything. It's a cash business and you've got to watch your operators or they'll steal you blind, am I right or am I right?
You're right.
George, could you -- excuse us for a minute?
Felicia's really interested in the shop, isn't she?
Well, George, you may not think ten or fifteen grand means much to me, but I invest for myself and a lot of particular people.
Oh yeah? I mean I know.
When?
Tonight?
-- maybe you could, on your way, you know, pick up Jackie here.
I wish my son knew what he wanted to do.
Oh yeah?
-- Anything, I don't care what it is, just so it's something.
Sorry, honey, I...
... she's very upset...
What about, tonight?
You look like you've had quite a work-out.
It's nerve wracking sometimes... women can get you very upset.
I know it, I know it.
... this doing hair it's...
George, I know you have to deal with Felicia and you're caught in the middle, and if you can just bear with me tonight, well, I appreciate the way you've handled the situation.
Oh, hey...
It's a difficult situation, and I want you to know I appreciate it. Tonight's going to be real tough for me --
I don't know what to...
-- do me a favor, kind of keep your eye on Jackie, she's a little high strung tonight --
-- yeah?
Well anyway...
Well -- I could try. Do you wash your hair every day?
Isn't that bad for it?
This really ought to be layered...
Layered?
You live like a pig.
Yeah. How long have you been here?
All night.
Well... who are those guys?
What do they look like?...
Look, Lester... are you unhappy with me about something?
Yeah, I'm unhappy with you about something.
Well, what?
Godammit, George...
Now wait a minute...
Sit down.
But...
I wanna hear about it.
I wanna hear about it, George.
Hey, have 'em put me away, or whatever you're gonna do, okay?... I'm too tired to lie, I'm too tired to tell the truth... I'm too tired for anything.
I wanna hear about it.
What can I say!
I wanna know your thinking, I wanna know how someone like you thinks. Did you think you could get away with it, did you think you could put something over on me? Does a guy like you get his kicks sneaking around behind people's backs and taking advantage of them? Maybe that's your idea of being anti Establishment!
I'm not anti-Establishment.
That's got nothing to do with it... You're so beyond my comprehension I can't even discuss it with you.
Then don't... just have 'em beat me up or whatever you're gonna do.
Was it me, did you have something against me?
What, do you think I planned it?
Did they have something against me?
Didn't they tell you?
I wanna hear it from you!
... yes, I follow your thinking on that.
We're always trying to fuck them... they know it and they like it and they don't like it... that's just how it is... look, it's got nothing to do with you, man. It just happened. Felicia's got nothing to do but shop and get her hair done and she knows she's getting older... her daughter hates her, what's she going to do, go to
Do you think Lorna hates her? I don't think she hates her. I mean she may resent her a little...
Oh, are you kidding, man? She hates her.
Why, why do you think that is?
Oh, fuck, Lester, how should I know?
Want a drink?
No thanks.
Have a drink.
You don't have a clean glass in the house.
I know.
Hell of a way to treat a business partner, that's all I can say.
Who?
Me!
Hey, you were never going to give me the money.
... You can lose it all; you can lose it all no matter who you are... I don't know, what's the point of having it all. Look at me. I don't have a goddam thing... the market's terrible right now, went down ten points last week, goddam Lyndon Johnson!
Oh yeah...
Yeah,, it goes up a little and then it goes down, maybe Nixon will do something. What's the difference, they're all a bunch of jerks. I wouldn't let 'em run my business, I can tell you that much. Not if I had any choice in the matter. I don't know what to do with you. I don't know, I don't know what's right or
I don't either, Lester, I swear to you I don't.
What about Jackie?
What about her?
I mean, how did that happen?
Lester, it just happened.
She's nothing but a whore.
No --
Just a whore, I go over there, have a few drinks and get my gun off. I'm through with her, she's nothing but a whore.
You really think so?
Yes I do.
Oh, by the way, I think you oughta know -- Lorna thinks she's got the clap.
What?
What took you so long?
Wasn't sure it was you.

I... uh... I... uh... can't.
All right, who're you with? Jill?
No.

No.
Awww --
I'll call you back.
Come on by.
I'll call you back...

You're home.
Yeah.
I'm coming over.
I'll call you back.
No you won't.
What do you mean?
I told you I get 'scared up here, so if you're not coming right now... I'm not kidding.
Okay.

Well, commercials. I read for a soap the other day.
A soap?
A daytime soap opera.
And?
I was too old.
What was it, somebody's daughter?
Well maybe I can get you something.
That's very sweet of you, Mr. Roth.
Sid.
Sid. You must be a very important executive.
Well, whatever I am, I think I can get you whatever you'd like.
You do?
Yes.
The man from Sloan's is coming. I called you about it.
How did you lose that key? Oh, George, this is uh Miss -- this is Jackie.
Oh, hi, I mean hello, we've met.
Is that right?
Well, yes, George is a wonderful hairdresser.
I go to the blue'n gold barber shop in Westwood. The guy in the third chair's dynamite... nobody much.
George is going to open a shop.
I called to tell you I was sending one over but the line was busy, you're always on the phone.
I am?
Who were you talking to?
Who do you think I was talking to?
My secretary saw you with that boy.
Steve?
Steve Slutes, and he's not a boy. Steve couldn't get arrested as an actor. He couldn't get arrested as a boy.
Then you were talking to him.
I'm always on the phone because you never let me see anybody, I can't even bring my girlfriends over to the house because they might run into you. You're driving me up the wall, Lester. You're even jealous of the dogs. I mean I've gotta have somebody I can talk to.
Now listen, Jackie, I'm not jealous of anybody, I just can't afford to get caught... off base.
So I can't talk to some broken down actor, what do you think, I'm going to tell him I'm screwing Lester Karpf!
Of course not.
It's very logical, it's the most logical thing in the world. You wouldn't feel this confined if we could go out with people and have dinner, and a little conversation and so forth...
You and your touchy investors.
You're lying about one thing, Lester.
What's that?
Maybe he ought to go to beauty school. Anyway, see you tonight, doll, okay?
Shut the door, shut the door!
I'd like a drink.
Just a second, I've gotta clean this mess up or the dogs'll have it all over the house.
They get hair all over the place.
Here.
Aren't you going to have one?
No.
Why not?
George, glad you could make it, son. Hi, doll.
Lester, this is my friend Jill and this is Johnny Pope.
Who are they?
Jill Haynes, Jill Haynes, I've told you about Jill a hundred times, Lester, you never remember anything I say.
Does she know about us?
Jesus, she's my best friend.
Who's the guy, George's boyfriend?
I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
Hi, doll, what's wrong?
Jackie Shawn.
-- you phony asshole --
Hi, Leonard.
Jackie, what're you doing?
Going for a pony ride at Kiddielands, want to come along?
Poster-Kleiser.
Oh yeah?
That's right.
I'll call you.
Fine.
See you later.
I think you're crazy. Don't look over, it's Lenny Silverman.
Who is that?
I am? I mean why?
Oh, honey, don't be totally naive.
I'm not. Maybe I am.
Well, he is.
So what's your point?
Jill, I'm just trying to be helpful.
I know, I'm sorry.
I spent three years with him. I just couldn't take it not knowing who was gonna pay the rent... his unemployment or mine. George was adorable but it drove me crackers. Now at least I'm comfortable. Lester does what he says he'll do. Maybe you're happy living like a gypsy. Are you?
George is great but I know what you mean.
Face it, you can go around with cute guys and get hung up on their sexy bodies and things like that but sooner or later you've got to find somebody. Face it, time isn't on your side.
Jill, you're a real sweetie pie. You really are. You're sure you don't mind?
Don't be silly.
You're really a love -- you sure?
-- No. No really.
Well, what is it, honey?
Nothing.
It must be something.
Well, it's George.
I thought you said things were great with George.
Well they are. But we have problems. You say things are great with Lester. Is he going to marry you?
We don't think marriage is important.
But you have problems?
-- Yeah, honey...
Five times a day?
-- I guess it's all got to do with this shop.
Really, Jill, aren't you exaggerating just a little? Five times a day?
Well, you know what I mean.
After four years? No I don't... and I don't know too many girls who do.
I'm exaggerating.
How much?
Jackie --
What?
Well... it's not so much the number of times he does it, it's... he does it for a long time.
He does?
Well yes -- you know that about George.
It's been so long I don't how long?
Quite a while... an hour, an hour and a half -- sometimes forty-five minutes -- that's quite a while, isn't It?
I would say so, yes.
Honey?
What?
-- See, I just know that if I go to Egypt, well, things happen, I just don't know what'll happen to us, he just never seems to think ahead, does he?
-- When you say forty-five minutes or an hour, do you mean continuous time? Just continually, without stopping?
-- Well -- not going in and out, I don't mean just that. Why are you asking me? You went with George longer than I have.
-- I guess I just blocked it out, that's all.
C'mon.
Well, there was this one time --
-- Yesss?
-- I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and George was out in Long Beach doing a show...
-- uhh-huhh...
-- Well it was very hot so I'd left the door open and the water was running so I didn't hear him come down the stairs...
-- He came up behind me and I was wiping a dish and he just... lifted up my skirt, and, you know, right there...
Didn't you have any panties on?
-- He reached up and tore them.
What did you do?
Well... I just kept wiping that dish. Maybe it doesn't sound very sexy but it was.
No, it sounds very sexy -- did you just stay by the sink all that time?
Egypt?
That's right.
But why Egypt?
Go ahead, Jill, you can say it.
Oh. thank you.
Why don't you ask for another one?
Are you kidding? His hair's probably the most nutritious thing in here. See, you've reduced me to eating weeds.
... my friend doesn't like it here either.
All right, forget this filth. Continue about your friend.
Well he's not exactly a friend.
Is he an enemy?
Of course not... he's sort of a boyfriend.
-- sort of a boyfriend?
Sort of.
I see. You mean he just sort of fucks you.
Johnny!
I'm terribly sorry.
-- never mind.
What does he do? Is he an actor?
-- no.
Good for you.
-- oh, sure. A hairdresser. How... how do you a... meet a hairdresser?
Getting your hair done... Would you like to go to a party?
This other couple that we're here with, do you know them very well?
Well... sure...
George? Was he alone?
I don't think so.
That bastard.
-- Jackie really shouldn't drink --
Well -- as I see it we've got two choices. We can hang around here and wait for the bomb to go off, or we can go to my party.
-- why?
Oh, Johnny, Mr. Karpf needed a ride home and I said we'd take him. Do you mind?
-- so when are you going to Egypt?
Now I didn't mean that, you rat.
Two weeks from tomorrow.
You're going?
You're kidding.
Those Arabs won't be when they start chasing you around the sand dunes.
Johnny! Why didn't you tell me before?
What's wrong?
We can't really leave that poor man here alone.
-- still -- at least we should tell him we're going. C'mon.
-- what's the problem, honey?
-- his car. They have it blocked.
-- listen, I wonder if you kids could give me a ride? I'm kind of stranded here.
-- I'll get in the back --
-- oh no, honey, I'll do that...
-- there's not much room --
What did you say your name was, sweetheart?
Jill.
-- yes, Jill.
Gee... that's wonderful, Jill.
Thank you.
You seem disappointed.
No... how long did you say?
Look, is there somewhere else you'd rather go? Maybe we can change our location.
No, it's not that...
Do you have children?
No.
Are you married?
No.
Do you have something against traveling?
No!
We'll let you know tomorrow.
Please don't misunderstand... I'd really like to go.
I think they're waiting for somebody to start dinner.
Have they sat down?
No of course not.
Everything okay, son?
Call me Les.
Where to, Les?
Well we'd love to, but we're going to another party.
Dad?
Yes?
I'm hungry.
I think that was farther west in the Sierras.
There were a party of settlers in the covered wagon times. They got snowbound one winter in the mountains. They had to resort to cannabilism in order to stay alive.
You mean they ate each other up?
Can I go to my room and get my fire-engine?
How's it going, Doc?
Are you having a good time?
Yes, Dad.
Good. I want you to have a good time.
I am, Dad. Dad?
Yes.
No. I'm just a little tired.
Then why don't you go to sleep?
I can't. I have too much to do.
Dad?
Yes?
Yes I do. I love it. Don't you?
I guess so.
Dad?
What?
You wouldn't ever hurt Mummy and me, would you?
Did your mother ever say that to you - that I would hurt you?
No, Dad.
Are you sure?
I love you, Danny. I love you more than anything else in the whole world, and I'd never do anything to hurt you, never... You know that, don't you, huh?
Yes, Dad.
Now this is where we keep all of out meat. You got fifteen rib roasts - thirty ten pound bags of hamburgers. You got twelve- turkeys, two dozen pork roasts and twenty legs of lamb. Do you like lamb, Doc?
You don't? Well what's your favorite food then?
Do you like ice cream, Doc?
Chocolate.
Why don't you want to talk about it?
I'm not supposed to.
Who says you ain't supposed to?
Tony.
Who's Tony?
Tony's the little boy who lives in my mouth.
Yes.
It's like I go to sleep, and he shows me things but when I wake up, I can't remember everything.
Does your Mum and Dad know about Tony?
Yes.
I don't know.
Maybe he showed me something.
No, I'm scared of nothing here. It's just that you know some places are like people, some shine and some don't. I guess you could say the Overlook Hotel here has something about it that's like shining.
Well, you know Doc, when something happens it can leave a trace of itself behind... say like is someone burns toast.
Well, maybe things that happened... leave other kinds of traces behind.
Not things that anyone can notice, but things that people who shine can see. Just like they can see things that haven't happened yet. Well, sometimes they can see things that happened a long time ago... I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular hotel - over the years, and not all of them was good.
What about Room 237?
Room 237?
No I ain't.
Mr. Halloran, what is in Room 237?
Yeah.
Do you really want to go and live in that hotel for the winter?
Sure, Danny, it will be lots of fun.
Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, there's hardly anybody to play with around here.
Yeah, I guess so.
We're just going to go into one of the other rooms for a few minutes and talk - then I'll come back and check on you, okay?
We'll get something as soon as we get to the hotel, okay?
Okay, Mom.
Jack...
Yeah.
Yeah.
The loser has to keep American clean, how's that?
All right.
Okay Danny, you win. Let's take the rest of this walking, huh?
Okay...oh!
Give me your hand. Oh, isn't it beautiful.
Oh what a Maze. Isn't it beautiful.
It's so pretty.
Yeah.
I didn't think it was going to be this big, did you?
Mom?
Yes?
Can I go to my room and get my fire-engine?
Not right now, Daddy's asleep.
I won't make any noise.
Come on, Doc. He only went to bed a few hours ago. Can't you wait till later?
Well all right. But really don't make a sound.
Make sure you come right back, 'cause I'm going to make lunch soon. Okay?
If Jack won't come with us, we'll just have to tell him that we are going by ourselves. That's all there is to it.
Danny?
Red Rum.
Danny... what's the matter, hon?
Red Rum.
Danny. Danny, stop it. Danny!
Mommy...
Danny, come here!
Mommy... Mommy...!
Mommy!
Now Danny, when you were brushing your teeth, do you remember if you smelled anything funny, or saw any bright flashing lights, or anything at all strange?
No.
Do you remember when you were brushing your teeth?
What's the next thing you remember after you were brushing your teeth?
Now Danny, can you remember what you were doing just before you started brushing your teeth?
Talking to Tony.
Is Tony one of your animals?
Oh,
if you were to open your mouth now, could I see Tony?
No.
Why not?
Because he hides.
Where does he go?
To my stomach.
Now I'm going to ask you to do me a favor, and stay quietly in bed for the rest of the day. Okay?
Do I have to?
Shall we go into the living room?
Please...
Mrs. Torrance, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm quite sure there is nothing physically wrong with Danny.
But eh what was the matter with him?
Have you been in Boulder long, Mrs. Torrance?
Only about three months. Eh we're from Vermont. My husband was teaching school there.
Tony.
Did Tony's first appearance happen to coincide with your arrival here?
What sort of injury did he have?
How did he manage to do that?
Oh I wouldn't think of it.
Well how can I repay you?
It's okay, really.
Well I'm going to have some coffee. Would you like some?
Sure.
I'm afraid it's advocaat sir. It tends to stain.
Advocaat is it?
That doesn't matter, sir. You're the important one.
Won't keep you a moment, sir.
Grady?
Yes, sir.
Delbert Grady.
haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Ah ha, it's coming off now, sir.
Eh... Mr. Grady... weren't you once the caretaker here?
Yes, sir. I have a wife and eh two daughters, sir.
And, er... where are they now?
No.
He is, Mr. Torrance.
Who?
A nigger.
A nigger!
How?
Your son has a very great talent. I don't think you are aware how great it is, but he is attempting to use that very talent against your will.
She eh... interferes.
It's Grady, Mr. Torrance. Delbert Grady.
No need to rub it in, Mr. Grady. I'll deal with that situation as soon as I get out of here.
Just give me one more chance to prove it, Mr. Grady. That's all I ask.
Your wife appears to be stronger than we imagined, Mr. Torrance. Somewhat more resourceful, she seems to have got the better of you.
I fear that you will have to deal with this matter in the harshest possible way, Mr. Torrance. I fear that is the only thing to do.
There's nothing I look forward to with the greater pleasure, Mr. Grady.
Good evening. Forest Service.
Hallo. My name's Dick Halloran. I'm the Head Chef up at the Overlook Hotel.
Good evening, Mr. Halloran. What can I do for you?
I'd be glad to do that, sir. Oh why don't you call me back in about eh twenty minutes?
Thank you very much. I'll do that.
Good evening. Forest Service.
Oh Dick, come on over and say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Torrance.
Sure.
The Torrances are going to take care of the Overlook for us this winter.
Dick, if you're ready to do it now, I think it would be a good idea if you could show Mrs. Torrance the kitchen, while I continue on with Jack.
Dick, can we borrow Mrs. Torrance for a few minutes? We're on our way through to the basement - I promise we won't keep her very long.
Glad to meet you, Winifred.
Mrs. Torrance, your husband introduced you as Winifred. Now are you a Winnie or a Freddie?
I'm a Wendy.
Oh Wendy. That's nice. That's the prettiest.
God. This is the kitchen, huh?
Don't let it get you down Mrs. Torrance - it's big but it still ain't nothing but a kitchen... a lot of the stuff you'll never have to touch.
I wouldn't know what to do with it if I did.
Beg pardon?
Doc. You called Danny 'Doc' twice just now.
I did?
Yeah. We call him Doc sometimes, you know, like in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. But how did you know that?
No, we don't mind.
Good.
Bill, how do you do?
Pleased to meet you.
Eh - formerly a school-teacher.
What line of work are you in now?
I'm a writer um... Teaching has been more or less a way of making ends meet.
Well this ought to be quite a change for you.
What'll it be?
How's my credit in this joint anyway?
Your credit's fine, Mr. Torrance.
Best goddamned bartender from Timbuctoo to Portland Maine - Portland Oregon for that matter.
How are things going, Mr. Torrance?
Things could be better, Lloyd. Things could be a whole lot better.
Nothing that I can't handle though, Lloyd. Thanks.
Hi Lloyd. I've been away. Now I'm back.
It's good to see you.
It's good to be back, Lloyd.
No charge?
I'm the kind of man likes to know who's buying their drinks, Lloyd.
Hi, babe.
Hi, hon. How's it going?
Boy, we must be really high up. The air feels so different.
Sure is.
Perfect for a child.
Good Morning, hon. Your breakfast is ready.
What time is it?
Eleven thirty - Jesus!
I guess we've been staying up too late.
I made 'em just the way you like 'em, sunny side up.
It's really pretty outside. How about taking me for a walk after you've finished your breakfast?
Any ideas yet?
Well, something'll come. It's just a matter of settling back into the habit of writing every day.
It's really nice up here, isn't it?
I love it. I really do. I've never been this happy, or comfortable anywhere.
What do you want me to do about it?
I'm not being grouchy. I just want to finish my work.
Okay. I understand. I'll come back later on with a couple of sandwiches for you and... maybe you'll let me read something then.
and it will then take me time to get back to where I was, understand?
Yes.
or whether you don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear me doing in here, when I am in here that means that I am working - that means don't come in. Now do you think you can handle that?
Yes.
I had... I had the most terrible nightmare I ever had. It's the most horrible dream I ever had.
It's okay. It's okay, now. Really.
No. It's the truth, really. I swear it. Danny told me. He went up into one of the bedrooms, the door was open, and he saw this crazy woman in the bath-tub. She tried to strangle him.
Did you find anything?
You went into the room Danny said - to 237?
Yes, I did.
And you didn't see anything at all?
He's still asleep.
Somebody did that to him.
Get him out of here?
Yes.
You mean just leave the hotel?
Shovellings out driveways, work in a car wash - any of that appeal to you?
Jack...
Jack!
I...
I can't really remember.
I don't know.
Well I... I think maybe he should be taken to a doctor.
You think maybe he should be taken to a doctor?
Yes...
As soon as possible.
Of course I am.
Have you ever thought about my responsibilities?
Oh Jack, what are you talking about?
Stay away from me!
Why?
I just want to go back to my room.
Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!
Stay away from me,
Wendy!
Stay away...!
Stay away from me!
I'm not going to hurt you.
Stay away from me! Please...
Stop swinging the bat.
Stay away from me.
Put the bat down, Wendy.
Stop it!
Wendy give me the bat.
Stay... stay away!
Stay away from me.
Give me the bat.
Jack, stay away from me!
Stop swinging the bat.
Give me the bat.
Wendy...
Go away.
Give me the bat.
Go away.
I'll bring back a doctor.
Wendy...
I'm gonna go now.
Mr. Ullman?
Yes?
I'm Jack Torrance.
Very nice to meet you.
Have any trouble finding us?
Oh, no problem at all. I made the trip in three and a half hours.
JAck, just make yourself at home. Would you like some coffee?
Well, if you are going to have some, I wouldn't mind. Thanks.
Let's see, where were we? Yes. I was about to explain that eh... our season here runs from oh May 15th to October 30th and then we close down completely until the following May.
Do you mind if I ask why you do that? It seems to me that the skiing up here would be fantastic.
Only in a very general way.
Well...
...the winters can be fantastically cruel, and the basic idea is to...to cope with the very costly damage and depreciation which can occur. And this consists mainly of running the boiler, heating different parts of the hotel on a daily rotating basis, repairing damage as it occurs and doing repairs, so that the elements can't get a foothold.
Physically, it's not a very demanding job. The only thing that can get a bit trying up here during the winter is eh... the tremendous sense of isolation.
five months of peace is just what I want.
That's very good Jack, because eh... for some people eh solitude and isolation...
can of itself be a problem.
Not for me.
How about your wife and son? How do you think they'll take to it?
They'll love it.
been known to give a few people second thoughts about the job.
I'm intrigued.
I don't believe they did.
The police eh... they thought that it was what the old-timers used to call cabin-fever, a kind of claustrophobic reaction which can occur when people are
shut in together over long periods of time.
Well, obviously some people can be
put off by the idea of staying alone in a place where something like that actually happened.
Good morning Jack. I hope you haven't been waiting too long.
Good. Glad you made it before they shut down the kitchen. Is your family having a look around?
No, my son's discovered the games room.
Right there.
I'd better collect my family first.
Yes, very cosy for a family, and if you feel like spreading out you have the rest of the hotel to move around in.
This is our Colorado Lounge.
Yes, I believe they are based mainly on Navajo and Apache motifs.
even before anybody knew what a jet set was. We've had four presidents who stayed here, lots of movie stars.
Royalty?
This is the staff wing of the hotel. None of the other bedrooms are heated during the winter.
As a matter of fact we eh... brought a decorator in from Chicago just last year to refurbish this part of the hotel.
Oh...well this is our gold ballroom.
We can accommodate up to three hundred people here very comfortably.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
It's amazing how much activity is going on today.
By five o'clock tonight, you'll never know anybody was ever here.
Just like a ghost ship, huh?
Bill, I'd like you to meet Jack Torrance.
Jack is going to take care of the Overlook for this winter. I would like you to take him around the place as soon as we are through.
Fine.
What time does the plane leave?
Eight thirty.
Bill, would you have the Torrances' things brought in their apartment.
Holy-jumped-up-baldheaded-Jesus-CHRIST!
If Father Lowe is an innocent little lamb, why hasn't he picked up the telephone and called Constable Haller to tell him Marty's sending poison-pen letters?
I don't accept the idea that he knows who his letter writer is, Jane. Because I don't accept the idea that there was a big bad wolf who saw Marty in his wheelchair.
Lowe's car-?
Blue. This blue.
Would you kids mind telling me how this guy Lowe became a werewolf to begin with?
Can I tell you kids something?
Sure, Uncle Al.
The moon's not down yet...
You always take his side because he's a cripple! Well, it's not my fault that he's a cripple!
Come on, Jane- it was Brady's idea. I couldn't stop him.
Did he really get his head cut off, Dad? That's what Brady said.
What's the money for?
A new pair of panty hose. Is it enough?
I don't want your money. You're a booger.
Mom was really mad at him this time, wasn't she?
What do you expect, when he comes in smelling like a brewery and looking like an unmade bed?
Yes. Go away.
Marty? You okay? You've just been sitting here all morning.
Where's Mom?
Went shopping. Why?
Jane... you don't have to do that.
Don't tell me what I have to do and what I don't, booger-brains.
Please, Uncle Al.
Don't you touch me, snotbrains!
Are you all right, Marty?
All except my legs... I don't think I can walk.
You booger.
Not bad, huh? My Uncle Al took off the regular muffler and put on a Cherry Bomb.
What's that?
Glasspack. He said he'd come over sometime this summer and we'd soup up the engine... but now I dunno. He's getting a divorce and he's in the doghouse with my mother.
For getting a divorce?
I used to see her every day, and she never knew what was going to happen to her, and neither did I! I mean I know how stupid that sounds, but...
There's something else scary.
I've been hearing noises in there.
What kind of noises?
Rattling. Rustling.
Rats...
Well, it's probably nothing. I'm just spooked since... you know.
Yeah... but if you hear any more noises, tell your father. Okay?
Ralph Houk! You can't bet a manager! Stone the crows!
Okay, okay. Dwight Evans.
Mom-!
You all right, Marty?
Yeah.
There's a saying- so-and-so was better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. You ever hear that one?
No.
Well, I'm not sure that was. Christ! They better get the guy.
Uncle Al, what if it's not a guy?
Huh?
What's going on at Owen's, Uncle Al?
It isn't enough that the monster killed all those people- that he killed Brady. Now he's got them to cancel the fair.
Yeah, okay, the fireworks. Jane thinks that's all I'm mad about, but it's not. Them doing that is just a... a...
It's just an outward symbol of everything that's inwardly wrong in this town. Not bad, huh? I read Sherwood Anderson in college. I can jive that shit all day.
Well... I like it that you always know how to say things, Uncle Al.
I'll give you the telephone numbers of my ex-wives, dear boy- they'll be interested to hear that.
Don't call me dear boy.
Your mom's not around, is she?
She and dad are out back lighting the barbecue. Jane's walking around like she's King Shit of Turd Mountain. Like always.
Yeah, Winesburg, Ohio, was never like that... but I got something that just might cheer you up.
What?
You got a pilot's license, Marty?
Do I need one?
You gave me a heart attack, Marty. I'm dying. I hope you're happy, because you are looking at a dying man.
It really goes fast. Thanks, Uncle Al.
It goes fast, all right- and if your mother finds out just how fast, Marty, I will have a new job. Singing soprano with the Vienna Boys' Choir.
I don't get you.
I know you don't. But I want this to be our secret. You get that, don't you?
Sure.
Now I said I had something for you, as I believe you will recall.
Stay near the house, for Christ's sake- someone's killing people. I have to be out of my mind to be doing this, you know.
Yeah, I know. It's great!
One of the reasons I love you, Marty, is that you're almost as crazy as I am. Please don't set off anything that goes bang tonight, okay? Just bright colors. Can you tell the difference?
Yeah... sure.
What is it?
A tracer. You'll like it.
Thanks a million, Uncle Al!
It came for me! I shot it in the eye! Now he's wearing an eye-patch!
I called Peltzer on my way over here, Marty! Father Lowe came into the drugstore two days ago for a bottle of otic solution. That's a fancy way of saying eyewash. He's got a corneal inflammation.
Was it a prescription?
What the hell does that matter?
It wasn't- I'll bet you it wasn't. Because to get a prescription he'd have to see a doctor.
Marty, Marty, you should hear yourself!
Well... was it a prescription?
I don't know. But I know you didn't see any werewolf the other night, Marty. You had a dream, that's all. An extremely realistic nightmare brought on by what's been happening in this town.
What about the baseball bat Jane saw in his shed? You know who used to have a baseball bat like that? Mr. Knopfler! He was so proud of it he used to carry it in the Fourth of July parade! Jane said it looked like the Green Giant used it for a toothpick!
You want to know what I think?
No- we just got you out here so we could admire your pretty face.
I'll bet you a quarter that eyewash stuff was nonprescription. And I'll bet you another quarter he hasn't said anything to Mr. Haller.
Do you really think that a man who took a rocket in the eye three nights ago could be out mowing his lawn? He'd either be in the hospital... or dead.
I didn't shoot him when he was a man. I shot him when he was-
Well... it's a lot easier to swallow without the hair and the foaming jaws. Also, I checked on the otic solution. It was counter brand. No prescription needed.
I told you!
After Marty called me with his latest Thrilling Tale of Wonder, I did. He's had no poison-pen complaints lodged at all.
No... but I found some blood, smeared on a tree trunk in that grove.
There! You see!
It could have been anything, Marty.
What about Father Lowe chasing me in his car and trying to run me down? You don't think that was a dream, do you?
Mr. Haller said he'd check him out, and guess what? No one sees him again!
I want you to turn this into a silver bullet.
You're not going to let it go, are you?
I saw what I saw.
No one knows how cancer begins, either- or exactly what it is- but people still believe in it.
The kid is eleven years old and already he sounds like a Jesuit. A French Jesuit.
I think he's going to come for me. Not just because I know who he is, but because I hurt him. Only I don't think he'll try again as Lowe.
Dear boy, you have gone right out of your mind.
Yeah? Really?
I suppose so. You kids ought to go up to bed.
But Uncle Al! You said-
What if I say no?
I come here because Marty needs a friend.
So have I, actually... I wish it could always be like this.
Remember, Al... we'll be at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston tomorrow night! Or at the funeral parlor. It's Stickney and-
And don't open the door for any trick or treaters even if they come!
You kids go to bed on time! You've got school tomorrow!
If you keep doing that, you're going to bump your head, sissy. Give my love to Mama- tell her I'll see her Thursday.
Reverend Mother, I just wanted to congratulate you.
Oh?
I haven't enjoyed Mass this much in years. What a marvelous program. Innovative. Inspiring. You are to be commended.
I can't wait until next Sunday, when the choir performs again. Did you see the people walk right in from the street? That music, that heavenly music -- it called to them.
Perhaps.
I must tell the Cardinal. I.11 send him a personal letter, describing your efforts, your bold new fight to keep your little convent alive.
Really.
Yeah. Sister Mary Pat was discussing it. You know she thinks it's a sin.
Yeah. We all got caught. Shoplifting. Cuttin' school. Cuttin' up some bitch with a blade. So we gotta come here. So we'll be good, in the future. So we'll learn valuable lessons. And I learned mine. I will be incredibly good, I will never rip out nobody's nose-ring by accident ever again. Can I go now?
Okay, so maybe I'm a nun -- so, you want to ask me something? You want to listen, for once in your little lives? You want to pay some attention?
What about crack? You a user?
LET THY THOUGHTS BE GUIDED
What you say?
But how?
BY A VOICE YOU HEAR FROM ON HIGH
I think I hear it!
LET THY THOUGHTS BE GUIDED
You know, I just might!
LET THY SPIRIT
You know what we're saying!
LET THY SPIRIT
He's... dreamy. He's...
Yes, Mary?
SING!
Were you tempted?
But I'm fearful!
SING!
And I'm tearful!
SING!
So, hi there. I'm... Sister Mary Clarence. And you're... young Christians. I guess I should assign you this passage. What's good? What were you talking about?
How come? Sister?
Excuse me -- just what are you all doing here? At Sunday School?
'Cause we love it so damn much. And cause we gotta come here. Probation.
Well, what about the sex stuff? What if some dude is after you, and he's always saying stuff, commin' on sweet and mellow. Like, oh, baby, you know you'll love it. Oh, baby, if you loved me, you'd stay.
And you listen to that?
No, but... I don't know... sometimes.
Hey, I know, it's hard. But do what I do.
What you do?
How are you doing.
Hey, Sisters. Are you going in there?
What do you want? This is a private area! Get lost!
You ain't got nothin' I ain't seen.
His ashes?
Yeah, right to the cops. No way.
Mary Robert, don't panic. Remember what we talked about? Experience?
What?
Okay, Christy -- strip.
What?
Come on -- stay. Just a little. We can talk, I'll get a pizza. Pizza in bed, we'll have fun. And you still haven't told me what happened. What did she say?
What did who say?
You are so damn sexy.
Vince...
How did I get so lucky? What is it now, five years we've been together? Who do I thank?
I want us to be together. Like people. Honest, decent people. In the eyes of God. Babe, today... I went to confession.
For the first time in I don't know how long. I wanted everything done right. Open and above board. I told Father Antonelli I was in love. I told him it was a special love, for all the ages.
You said that? And what did he say? Did he say you could leave her? Did he say we'd be happy?
What?
You want me to go against a priest? Get excommunicated? You think I'm nuts?
You bastard!
We can still see each other. Just like always. It's a different kind of sin. Smaller.
Babe, it's not me! I love you! It's God!
No... it's fine.
Yes?
Thanks. A lot.
Is that why you came up here, Christy? To thank me?
Sure.
And to say you're sorry. About this afternoon. And the things you said. Forgotten. Completely. Do you understand? Forgotten.
Babe, what happened here? Look at you.
Good evening, Vincent.
What, Vincent? This is me, doll. I know you. What did you think you were doing? Running to the cops. Hiding out. No, no. You're sorry now, aren't you?
She's afraid. Come on, tell the boys you're afraid.
Right here. Let the others go -- they have nothing to do with this.
I was good to you! You re nothing but no-talent garbage! You're a two-bit Tramp!
Oh, girls.
Yes, Betty?
This prom is a real drag.
Oh-huh.
Oh my!
What is it, Betty?
Look at that. Get a gander.
Oh my!
He's so dreamy. He's like... a Greek god. He's the cutest guy here. He's boss. He's fab. He's...
Yes, Betty?
HE'S SO FINE.
D00-LANG, DOO-LANG, D00-LANG.
Isn't it a glorious morning? Good morning, Mary Clarence. sleep well?
Where did that come from?
1961? '62? Mary Clarence, that's when many of us took final vows. It's the last secular music we recall.
The minute I saw you. I said to myself, she's a weaver. Have you ever used a loom?
Not in years.
Well, it all comes back, in just a jiffy. I'm working on a wall-hanging, of the convent.
Why?
To sell, of course. I hate to say it, but we're in terrible trouble here at St. Katherine's. We need a new roof, the furnace is going, and there's no money.
Mary Clarence. Goose. We're completely self-supporting. Like all convents. Like yours.
Oh, right. At my old place, we used to... wash cars. Groom dogs. So... nice loom.
Isn't it lovely? Now I'll demonstrate, and then you can hop right in. You just draw your beater in, keep it pressed against the pick, and open the shed. Then pass your shuttle, beat, and open the next shed. Shuttle. beat, beat, shuttle, beat, shed. Keep tension on the warp. Is that clear?
Just about. Show me again.
Shuttle, beat, shed. And watch your heddles.
Is this... choir practice?
Hold on.
You see? We've got the voices. They're just allover the place. I've heard all of you, in the shower --you're decent. Better than me. We just need charts -- harmony -- chops.
Chops?
Two days. An hour or so.
That machine.
I know. It's ancient.
Mary Patrick -- do you remember the Dixie Cups?
The Dixie Cups? Oh my. I was just a girl. Of course. SPRING IS HERE THE SUN WILL SHINE
Hold it. Mary Patrick, you're a pretty cheerful person, aren't you?
All right, I am, I know it! All my life, I've just been... upbeat. Optimistic. Perky. I can't help it. Even when I was little, I remember my mother used to say, "That child is pure sunshine. She'll either be a nun -- or a stewardess."
SPRING IS HERE THE SUN WILL SHINE I'LL BE HIS AND HE'LL BE MINE WE'LL LOVE UNTIL THE END OF TIME AND WE'LL NEVER BE LONELY ANYMORE
We know you don't want to bring pain and misery to your friends and neighbors. We'll pray to find you some honest work.
What is it, Mary?
Jackpot! Two buckets
Hurry, Sister!
MY SOUL WAS IN DANGER I'D FALLEN FROM GRACE
It's true -- I know her.
DAMNATION WAS ALL I COULD SEE
What a shame!
BUT THEN CAME AN ANGEL WHO WHISPERED THESE WORDS
Pay attention...
SING AND THE DEVIL WILL FLEE!
Which convent? It was, um, the Little Sisters... of the Moonlight. In Vegas. Everybody used to come to Mass. Frank. Dean. Sammy. Right at ringside.
What?
Progressive convents. Vanity. It sounds awful. It sounds just like this place.
Like this place?
Shirelles.
Soprano or alto?
Mary Clarence, are you with us?
Sure. Kind of... free-lance.
Free-lance? Oh really? You think I don't see? You think I took vows yesterday? I know what you're up to. You and Reverend Mother.
What?
Very nice. Sisters, have we learned our lesson? I won't hold this little episode against anyone. I'll try not to.
Yeah, for one second. That was the blend -- you've got to listen to each other. Be a group.
I knew that.
Of course. I'm a nun. Four Popes now. The Lord hates a loafer.
I don't know. Mary Lazarus, what do you think? They're pretty raw.
Wet behind the ears.
It'll be hell.
Don't look at your feet, and I don't want to see anybody counting. Make it look easy. Again!
Right, right, cross with the left, spin and turn!
Hopeless I
Amateurs 2
Babies
She's a pro.
Is there any syrup?
We could cut a demo. Look for a label.
Van Cartier.
Hey -- you re supposed to be the cheerful one. Why do I suddenly feel like Snow White?
JUST SING!
Come on, we're late.
What? What time is it?
It's after five. We have to bathe.
What? What does she want now? I did the dishes. I oiled the pews. I dusted the hymnals. Two hundred hymnals. Why can't people share?
What?
I... I brought you something.
A cigarette?
Thanks. So which one are you? Sister Bruce? Sister Doug?
Mary Robert. I'm... Mary Robert.
So, Bob, how long have you been in? St. K's?
Three years. Sister.
Three years. A rookie.
A novice.
You have to help me
Right, sure, but what's the problem? Are they keeping you a prisoner here? Do they drug you? Did Reverend Mother like, kidnap your parents? We can call the Enquirer.
No, you don't understand -- I don't want to get out! I want to get in?
Excuse me?
Oh. Mary Clarence, I'm so unworthy. I want to take my final vows, I would do it tomorrow, but Reverend Mother won't let me!
She won't? Why not?
She says I should wait. She says that no one should become a nun as an escape from life. She says that I'm not experienced enough to make the decision yet. In a mature manner.
Well, then there's only one thing to do.
What?
We must do this sacred thing, Mary Robert.
Of course! We must do it! It's the will of God! What is it?
We must... get you some experience. We must... leave this place.
Mary Clarence!
We need experience.
Bobs
Experience! Right?
I have to do this. So I can become a nun.
Initiation. You understand. Later on, we make her wear her underwear on her head.
Who are all these people?
I'm getting experience.
Those people are wonderful! Why don't we ever see them in church?
Good point. Especially that dude you were with. I'd like to see him down front.
Mary Clarence! You're so... different from the other sisters. Sometimes, well... sometimes you sound more like a layperson.
I can't wait to tell Reverend Mother about all my experiences. I've learned so much.
Mary Clarence!
Goddamn it!
Oh my Lord!
What was all that? Who was that man? Why would he shoot at us?
I don't know, some people just don't like nuns. I wish I had a ruler.
Mary Robert, I am so sorry about last night...
What?
Mary Robert, I've watched you. You never really sing. You whisper. Nothing comes out.
I don't want to mess anyone up...
WE'RE THE SISTERS OF THE SACRED HEART WE DO OUR BIT, NOW DO YOUR PART
Yes, prayer is the answer, and prayers free We're going to give free prayers to everyone who drives up to this house.
It's contraband. Don't ask. But I wanted to give you a treat. A sort of... thank-you gift.
Are you leaving us?
The Council of Cardinals! I'm so nervous! What if I forget the words?
Wait, this isn't the way. Who are you?
Run! Take off!
But what do they want? Where are we going?
Mary Clarence!
I WAS DOWNHEARTED
It's true!
I WAS HELL-BOUND, YES THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY SATAN WAS WAITING
Don't you know it!
BUT THE LORD CAME TO ME
What did He say?
A convent? They put me in a convent? What's the problem? Wasn't there any more room in Hell?
What is your full name? Your Christian name?
Mother Theresa. Gandhi. Don't you understand? This is all a mistake. I'm the good guy. I'm the witness. And I'm being punished!
Your name?
Christy. Christy Van Cartier.
Enough joking.
That's my real name! Currently I'm a singer. Sort of.
Very well.
St. Anne's?
Parochial school. Akron. St. Android's.
You were unhappy?
I was expelled! When I was fifteen?
The reason?
Beats me! What do you think? Smoking! Heavy petting, without a chaperone. Heavy petting, with the chaperone. And wearing a black bra, under my uniform. The demon bra.
I see.
You see? You see? I have to get out of here I have to make a phone call. Don't you get it? I'm in a convent! You're a nun!
Sit down.
Miss Van Cartier.
What?
It has come to pass.
What?
I joined this convent some thirty years ago. At that time, the world knew some measure of peace. And hope. Our order was a beacon of hospitality, to families, to children, to a neighborhood filled with promise. And, as the years have passed, I have watched that promise destroyed. Drugs. Gangs. Spandex. And. so I have made this convent an oasis, a retreat from
Are you talking about me?
And all those like you.
You mean black people?
Absolutely not. I mean the wicked. The heedless. And their Las Vegas concubines.
What's a concubine?
Fine. Got it. Look, the way I see it, I'm stuck here, right? I mean, I'm here or I'm target practice. So here's the deal -- I don't bug you, you don't bug me. I'll catch up on some sleep, watch some tube, lay back and lay low. So just get me a key and show me to my room, and do not disturb.
Cool. Is there a menu? Or buffet?
Before we do, you might like to freshen up. And you'll certainly want to change
How about a robe? One of those big terry cloth jobs, with like embroidery on the pocket. "Guest of St. Katherine's"
Excused. Open the cabinet to your left. You will find appropriate attire.
No! No! I can't do this!
Normally dressed, you are a sore thumb, and you endanger us all. While you are here, you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I shall know who, and what, you truly are. You will not disrupt the convent. You will not influence the Sisters with your colorful street talk. You will draw no attention to yourself in any way.
But look at rites Look at this! I'm a nun! I'm invisible! I'm a penguin!
As of now, and until you leave, you are Sister Mary Clarence.
The Mary is in deference to the Holy Mother, the Clarence in honor of Saint Clarence Loyola. There are three vows that every nun must accept. The vow of poverty...
No problem.
The vow of obedience.
And the vow of chastity.
Sisters, for the rest of the day we shall declare a Vow of Silence.
A what?
Surely you are familiar with this practice, Mary Clarence. Only when our lips are silent, can our prayers truly be heard.
Silence? No talking? All day?
As a new member of our order, I think you might also enjoy a ritual fast.
A what?
A fast. To remind us of the poor, of those who must endure without enough to eat.
No food?
Is this all the food I get?
Yes. Until breakfast.
This shall be your cell, Mary Clarence.
My what?
You were right the first time. Is this like, solitary? The cooler? Where's the furniture?
Our lives are simple. We have little need for material possessions.
Right, sure thing. But what about, like, appliances? Like a little color portable? Boom box?
Useless distractions.
It's like the Stone Age. The room time forgot. What about a phone?
And whom would you call?
Oh, I don't know... Satan?
Your cell is more than adequate.
Right. So what do we do now? Ping- Pong? Row over to the monastery?
It is nine p.m. Pleasant dreams.
Wait. No. You're kidding. Lights out? At nine? My day's just starting.
I'm sure. If I were you, I would use this time, to think about my life. And its direction. Or lack thereof.
What's wrong with my life?
Yeah?
Girls, this is Sister Mary Clarence. She'll be minding you until Sister Mary Patrick's return. Mary Clarence, please assign a biblical passage. Do not attempt discussion. Am I understood?
I got it.
Deal with it, sweet thing. It's important, nowadays. You just practice at home, with a balloon and a banana.
A balloon and a banana! Tell me, Mary Clarence, what were you thinking?
Those girls were asking questions. They've got it rough. I wish somebody had talked to me about that stuff when was their age. I wish somebody would talk to me about it now.
This is a convent, not a clinic. We offer moral guidance, not hardware.
Have you been out in those streets? Do you know what those kids are up against? You should help them!
Sometimes it's not enough!
You are correct. Sometimes prayer alone cannot help a situation. Such as your own, for example. How do you feel about physical labor?
It never solves anything.
Do your recall the words of Saint Peter, in Ecciesiastes 1:27? He spoke unto a wastrel youth. He said, "Take up thy task, and know ye the path of contentment."
In English?
Really catching on.
I'm sorry, I'm not a weaver!
Months of work, and the loom, absolutely ruined!
So... hi there.
I don't believe we have anything to say to each other.
Mary Robert's life was in danger! Your behavior was inexcusable!
I know! I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to happen! And I was the one they were shooting at!
Mary Clarence, I have given you every opportunity. To change. To make a decent life for yourself.
A decent life? Excuse me? As what? A janitor?
Clearly, you have learned nothing. And you present an ongoing threat, both to this convent and to yourself.
Mary Clarence, perhaps you are correct.
I am?
You may stay. But I shall restrict your activities to but a single task.
What?
You will sing, and you will sleep,' that is your schedule until you depart. As almost no one attends Mass, you will be unable to cause further damage.
No. No.
You're my Olympic event.
Not the choir, please, anything but that. The choir -- I mean, have you heard them? I'll do anything, scrub floors, toilets, you name it, but not that I
I was thinking Las Vegas. Get some butts in those seats.
And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater. or a casino.
Exactly. People like going to theaters and casinos. But they think church is for Grandma -- we could change that. Pack the joint.
Through blasphemy? You have corrupted the entire choir!
Hold on. That's not fair. I worked hard with them. They gave up their free time, and they loved it. Those women are happy. And we can get even better. We can wake this place up.
Out of the question.
Please let me try. I'm begging you.
And on such an occasion, I feel a completely traditional program will be best.
What do you mean?
Isn't that why we were asked to sing for those Cardinals?
I believe this can be settled by a simple vote.
A vote?
But... wait a minute...
You sent for me?
Hey -- your prayers have been answered. I'm leaving. In just a couple of days.
Really. Well, that makes two of us.
What?
I have submitted my resignation to Bishop O'Hara. Privately. I have asked to be relocated as soon as possible.
But -- why?
I must go where I can be of use.
But -- there's so much more to do right here. And look, if it's about me, I mean, I'm gone.
Indeed. After how long? A few weeks? I have been here thirty years. And yet, it would seem, I know nothing.
But everything that's happening is good! You can be a part of it!
You and I know that life is not so simple. There will be disappointments. Rude shocks. And you will have vanished. How... fortunate.
Okay, so I just got things started. But you could build on that. You could keep it going.
I am sorry, Mary Clarence. I seem to have misplaced my tambourine. Good day, Mary Clarence.
But...
What are you doing here?
Reverend Mother -- Thank-you.
Oh?
You saved my life.
Then I guess you're stuck. Life sentence. No parole.
I don't think so. What about skydiving? A crank call to Billy Graham?
You have evidenced great maturity, Mary Robert. We shall have a serious discussion.
What about me, Reverend Mother? I think you were right. I'm just a bad influence. Sister show biz.
Perhaps not. Perhaps we can all use... a little Spandex.
Really? And maybe shorter habits, and women priests, and sleeping late?
From Vince? What a guy. Doo-lang, doo- lang.
At least he's not a cop. At least he can afford a decent gift.
I used to buy.you,..stuff. On your birthday . When we were seeing each other.
Yeah, like what? Quilted coat hangers, that your mother picked out? Lottery tickets? A travel iron?
So I don't shop.
'Cause you're always out, arresting people. Making trouble. I don't know why I went out with you in the first place, it was embarrassing! I couldn't hold my head up, I used to tell people you were a security guard!
He's a businessman.
A what? When are you qonna wake up?
When are you gonna get off my case? Have you got a search warrant? What do you want -- cheap thrills?
Information, baby. I thought maybe somebody around here might have a conscience.
Right between the eyes! Down and out! The guy was gone! I... I couldn't believe it!
You couldn't believe it? Vince the Prince?
I don't know anything about bodies! I mean, he didn't bring it home. He was good to me... sometimes. He was sweet. He took care of me. Who am I supposed to go out with? He owns a casino. He let me sing.
He didn't do you a favor.
And if I don't?
Ten flights?
You'd lose. You'd die. All over the sidewalk. And into the street.
All right! I get the picture! I'll do it! I'll testify!
Okay, here's what I want. I know about this stuff. A five-star hotel. With room service.
Jesus, what do you think this is -- Wheel of Fortune? Let me spell it out for you. You have to hide like you don't even exist. You have to get so far hidden away that you never see sunlight.
Okay -- no limo.
No nothing.
What're you gonna do, put me in a bag and bury me?
I hate you. I totally hate you.
Nuns, Eddie. There are nuns here. Everywhere. It's crawling with 'em.
It's a convent. All you have to do is shut up, behave yourself, and get along.
And one bullet. That's all it's gonna take.
But Vince has contacts all over the place! This is San Francisco! They'll be looking for me!
Everywhere but this little hole-in-the- wall convent. Nobody knows you're here but me. We're trying to get a quick court date. A month, maybe two, tops. I'll spring you as soon as I can.
I can't stay here! I'll crack up! Eddie, what am I gonna do?
Eddie, you've got to get me out of here.
Not again. You can't keep calling. Somebody's going to catch on to where you are.
But I'm going insane! All these people do is pray and work, work and pray! I don't get it -- when's the weekend? They have gruel, Eddie, that's what they call food! Gruel -- it's like Alpo for nuns! I sleep in a cell, on a board, and I pray five times a days Do you know what I pray for, Eddie, do you
Calm down. Look, I didn't want to tell you this, but we've had some problems with our protection program lately.
Like what?
Keeping our witnesses alive. We hide them, but there's a leak in the department, and they end up dead.
I just need a few more weeks,
Do you hear that? That choir? Eddie, in here, that's what they call music!
What'd she say?
You blew it -- big time. She doesn't want you back.
Does she know people are trying to kill me out there?
She's counting on it. She's concerned for your safety, but she wants me to try and find another convent that will take you. Or a carnival.
So what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Eddie! You scared the hell out of me!
What if I was Vince? You'd be dead right now. What are you doing giving interviews on TV?
It wasn't my fault! They just showed up. It's helping the convent.
You're supposed to be hiding out!
I really can't talk about it now. The place is packed. SRO. I've got a show to do.
Listen to yourself. This isn't a career opportunity.
I know that. This isn't about me. It's about the choir. You should hear them. They're good. Really good. And I taught them.
Jesus, look at you You're glowing.
I am?
Yeah. You look... great. I mean it..
Really? Lieutenant?
You mean -- worried about my testimony?
Well.. thanks. I've been thinking about you.. - sometimes. I mean, there aren't a lot of guys around here. I mean, sometimes I feel like... a nun.
Me too.
You're not... seeing anybody?
No. Most of the time I'm thinking about you. And now... you've really changed.
I have?
I've got to go.
Just remember - you're a target. Don't you think Vince has a T.V.?
Vince knows you're here.
How?
I can't go with you.
What?
I've got a show -- at St. Matthew's Cathedral. We're singing for the Cardinals.
Eddie -- I've got to go back. They won't sing without me. I'm deserting them.
I think they'd understand.
They need you? A bunch of nuns? For what? Moral guidance? Make-up tips?
You don't get it! It's a big thing for them, it's like... Caesar's Palace. Prime-time. They're singing for the Cardinals. It's like... "Star Search." If first prize was a trip to the Vatican. They've worked really hard, they deserve this.
What're you doing?
Don't you have a concert to go to?
Yeah, Eddie, thanks a whole bunch. Thanks for sticking me in a convent. So you think, after all this, maybe I really am a nun?
I don't know. There's only one way to be absolutely sure.
Hey, girls.
Hail, Mary.
Jerusalem is a real drag. Everybody hates me.
Oh-huh.
People throw stones. They call me names. I mean, really.
Really.
We could put you into our witness protection program.
Then one day they find you.
Jesus. Data-base hoods. It's a wonderful world. Beloved daughter missing. Reward of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Please find our adored angel, we miss her so. Dead or alive.
Vince is getting desperate. Where is she, Eddie? Where'd you stash her?
Where's who?
You won't even tell us?
We're looking for Mike.
I'm sorry -- I don't know what gets into him.
Who are you guys?
But you didn't tell me!
We didn't tell you what?
A nun?
Vince -- is she... okay?
And if she runs?
He's so damn cocky. This is different.
It's a bluff, Vince.
It's done?
Not... totally.
But, Vince, how do you know she didn't like, join up and become a nun when she was in that convent?
I can't believe this. Okay, I want both you guys to go back there, and both of you shoot her at the same time.
Well?
It didn't work, Vince.
Right.
I'm telling you, she's not a nun! Get her out of the nun outfit, and put her in some clothes.
Get her!
There she is!
I can't see anything in here!
Joey?
But, boss -- she's still, you know, a nun.
So that guy in the bar was right? She's like... some kind of nun?
She's gettin' away!
She was real quiet and peaceful all the way back in the car.
You didn't shoot!
Neither did you!
I figured if you were gonna, then I wouldn't have to.
Strip down a nun? You want us to fry?
A sweater.
What's she doing?
Are you going to shoot us all, tough guy?
It should be here any minute.
We sound terrible We need Mary Clarence.
Look what she did with the choir. She made us sing beautifully.
We've got to save her!
Yes, Mary Patrick?
Sister Mary Patrick?
Yes?
Mary Clarence -- how is your weaving progressing?
Bless her! There are so many problems in this neighborhood that we could help solve. That's why many of us became nuns. It's marvelous, Reverend Mother.
She shouldn't have come back. She knew she was in danger.
She told us about one. The Little Sisters of the Moonlight. In Las Vegas.
Peace on Earth.
However, we can also pray for other things.
Is this like your old convent?
Mary Clarence has a background in music. That's what Reverend Mother said.
We did it! We actually sang a chord!
He's not like other guys.
He's decent.
I'd rather sing than do anything!
It's better than ice cream.
But, Reverend Mother -- everyone loves our new style.
Ice cream!
Mary Clarence, don't be silly. You're an example to us all. You've taught us so much. We're singing for the Cardinals, and then -- who knows? Maybe the choir can travel -- to schools, and nursing homes.
Mary Clarence! Sister!
We can't sing without her! What should we do?
You mean -- they kidnapped her?
An... entertainer?
Well, I don't care who she is. We can't sing without her!
It's so beautiful...
The Little Sisters of the Moonlight!
Excuse me -- has anyone seen a nun?
Mary Clarence -- you're alive!
Not a note.
I don't understand. Where is she?
Calm down. Think clearly. Mary Robert, do you have any idea who those men were?
She said they were from her old convent.
Las Vegas -- she's here somewhere.
Reverend Mother?
Yes?
Absolutely not. I am very sorry, but no.
But she's been exposed to the underside of life. She is the underside of life.
And therefore an ideal prospect for rehabilitation.
We're a small convent, Bishop. Surely there are... more appropriate shelters.
Your small convent is in danger of closing, Reverend Mother. The Las Vegas Police Department has offered to make a generous financial donation.
But, Bishop...
St. Katherine's is a Benedictine Order. You have taken a Vow of Hospitality. To all in need.
I lied.
But, Bishop, surely you realize -- this is a most dangerous neighborhood.
I mean, won't she talk? She seemed kind of upset.
Soon, you gorgeous thing... tell me... how lonely?
It's that call you were expecting, Vince.
She's a nun, Vince.
And who are you to talk? You were nothing. You couldn't even sing. I must have been out of my mind.
She's... she's a nun.
We both missed.
Where?
If we could speak alone.
Excuse me, gentlemen, but... who has seen this Horseman?
Many have.
Who took the meat?
Must have been the Redman. A Lenape Indian lives in the Western Woods.
Hail, Constable. How are you?
Um... I... I did not... no. Why?
Clergyman Steenwyck is calling a meeting. This time he is determined to have you forced out, or worse.
How did you hear this?
Certainly not.
We haven't heard your name yet, friend.
What the hell are you doing?
You are the blacksmith. Ever shod a horse with a hoof this large?
They spend two days in chains.
Constable Crane is not the only one who fights with science on his side.
I fired upon the Horseman and the bullet did nothing.
You must have missed your mark.
I hit him square.
An honor, gentlemen. In time I will need every detail of the three murderings you've had, but, for now, I ask only if you have any theory at all as to who the killer might be?
Excuse me?
I say, is there any one person suspect in these acts?
Why did you move the body, Doctor?
No bleeding.
What is that?
We must be a curious sight to him.
What are you spying on?
He is a behemoth.
The wounds are the same. Cauterized. No chopping or half-measures either. One stroke took the head. Have you seen, doctor... ? Even the spinal bone... sliced as smooth as butter.
I do not care. You are welcome to use my work area, but I beg you... return her to her resting place.
Keep still, Constable. You were half-drowned when they found you.
... Brom Bones...
He is dead. You would be also, if your wound had not somehow shut.
Bring Young Masbath here.
You need to sleep.
Bring him.
It has been a terrible jolt to her nerves.
... help yourself, you pompous ass. I will be in bed.
Stains of blood.
No clotting or gathering of pus. No healing at all.
What?
Why not tell us what you have heard? Hmm? How much have your superiors bothered to tell you?
All I know is three are slain, their heads found severed from their bodies...
It is sacrilege!
I will not allow it. I will not!
Protest to my superiors if you like.
Your superiors are two days away!
For poaching. Or, would you remake our laws now that Magistrate Philipse has given up the ghost?
Only if I repeat them outside this room. And, I will if I must... Out there, for all to hear. Or... you may speak, as planned. But, you tell them you feel compelled to move on to greener pastures.
No. You will not run me out. No one will believe a word of what you say.
Oh? Far as I can tell, a rumor does not travel alone for long here.
Are you a deist? Is that it? A free thinker who does not believe in divinity.
It is only important what you are. An adulterer...
I am the Lord's voice in this town.
Wallowing in sin and lust...
They need guidance.
Wallowing quite literally in blood.
Damn you, sir! God damn you to hell!
You are so upset now... and yet, you seemed in such good spirits last night.
You cannot do this. I am a man of God!
Taken. Taken by the Headless Horseman. Taken back to hell.
Just a moment... Are you saying it is he?
Do you have these persons' wills?
I have everything... last testaments... birth certificates, death certificates... deeds.
May I see them, Master Hardenbrook?
Hmm? See them?
May we look at them now?
Maybe you should take this.
Damn... damn... damn...
Perhaps, I could assist in finding them?
Just a moment... if I may. It is possible this man was murdered.
He drowned. Anyone could see.
He will be burned pursuant to statutes of health.
I could determine if he were dead <u>before</u> he went into the Hudson.
Our first night watch is adequate against fire and some violence, but if we were more often able to ensure justice, after the fact, then criminals would truly have something to fear from law enforcement.
Have they nothing to fear presently?
Without disrespect, look around you. We overflow. As do our courts.
And, <u>with</u> disrespect, Constable, if jails and courts overflow, it is testimony to success, not failure.
Very few, if any.
Even though I have seen confessions pried from the lips of the accused, often quite literally?
For one who calls himself a Federalist, your mouth reeks of Republican liberalism.
There is a farming community upstate, Constable... ten days journey north in the Hudson Highlands. It is named Sleepy Hollow. Within a fortnight, three persons have been murdered there. Each with their head lopped cleanly off. The elders of the Hollow have sent dispatches to me, requesting assistance, and now, just this very moment, I have chosen you.
Chosen me?
These "methods" of yours... there has been no practical application.
Not for lack of trying.
Just so. Granted. And so you take your experimentations to Sleepy Hollow and catch the murderer who has tainted the place. Bring him here to face our good justice. Will you do this for me?
I shall, gladly.
Master Crane, sir. I'm glad we have time alone. You've been told plenty about the Horseman, I'm certain.
More than enough, actually. I beg you, no more, please.
Tell me something. What becomes of Young Masbath?
The Widow Windsor.
Is that all you say? Look at her.
Well, Constable... are you aware... to be honest, you are not what we expected. We sent for the militia.
The Van Garretts died first; a man and his son, survived by a wife and two infants. And the Widow Windsor was next...
And now Jonathan Masbath.
Why would he flee this direction, with so much open ground to cross before he reached cover?
... found the body this morning. You do believe now, don't you?
What is that you wear?
My talisman. It will, protect against the Horseman if I show a brave face. But, I cannot run. If I run in fear, it is worthless.
Not more than a year ago, a mob hung a man for stealing a horse. For stealing a horse! And, you dig up our dead.
We are farmers here, not lawyers or bankers, or even constables. Every penny we earn comes from what we send down the Hudson.
Listen to what you say....
No, you listen! You may think we are a pack of superstitious dullards...
I am not here for revenge. I am here to bring justice.
Whatever. You still need a second to tend to your things.
I manage fine alone.
I deserve to help you. Don't you see how much this means? My father... he... he was a good man...
Young Masbath, I am sorry for your loss. It is a great and sad tragedy. However... I cannot be the one to look after you now.
What is the common thread between these victims?
I'm sure I don't know.
The Lenape Indian had much to tell once I opened his mouth.
How could he?
Where are we going?
What is it?
Out there. What do you see?
The Western Woods.
Are you familiar with magnets?
What kind of nuts?
It's spectacular.
Yes... I suppose it is. Keep it.
No, I couldn't...
Thank you.
If the Western Woods are truly the Devil's Glen, we will see for ourselves.
Father said witches live there.
What is it?
Listen.
I hear nothing.
We are leaving.
Follow the Indian trail to where the sun dies. To the tree of the dead. Maybe we passed it by.
We should not go much further in this murk.
Should we go back?
What does it mean... climb down to the Horseman's soulless place?
If the Crone's wound bled hard, that means she was not killed by the Hessian. Someone only tried to make it look that way.
You grow sharper by the minute, little man. It boggles my mind, but I begin to prefer your company over all others.
Well... I'm one of the few people who likes you.
True enough.
Then, who murdered the Old Crone? And why?
What is it?
Must be some sort of gateway. But, why this place... ?
We should go.
Someone left last night. Looked like they headed to the square, but I lost them in the forest.
Man or woman?
All I saw was their lantern.
If someone has the Horseman's skull... if they control the Horseman, then why haven't they sent him for your head yet?
What good is this?
My father had farm land. It was the only thing we owned of any value.
And it now belongs to you, according to Baltus. I heard him say it.
Only the heirs were killed. Proof that the Horseman slaughters by assignment.
But, if the farm is not mine, who stole it away?
No one yet, far as I can tell. It has gone intestate.
In test... what?
Intestate. Your farm... all the farms... they belong to no one.
Often in such cases, property which has gone intestate legally passes to whomever the deceased was indebted to. And, who in this town is owed a great many debts?
Baltus Van Tassel.
Did your father take a loan?
There is no Masbath here. My father's loan papers are missing.
I was getting worried. Who was it?
Lady Van Tassel.
What was she doing?
Something I really wish I had not seen. Never mind it. Did you find the victims' loan agreements?
There are no other doors. This is as far as she could have gone.
It is nothing. She comes to read books, so her father will not find her. It is absolutely nothing.
What books?
Fiction plays and novels. Baltus does not approve. Now, come. It may not be long before Lady Van Tassel returns.
What now? Where is she?
She's the one who controlled the Horseman, isn't she, sir? Sir?
Won't you change your mind, sir? What can I say to convince you?
Why... why are you like this?
This is farewell.
Take me with you. There's nothing left for me here.
Climb up!
Lady Van Tassel...
What can we do?
What now?
How are you?
Forgive me, I didn't know.
Did they tell? It is something in the air so that dreams come to everyone. According to the elders, an Indian prophet held powwows here before the land was taken, and spells cast then still linger to this day.
Do you often make a habit of sitting on strange men's beds?
You are horribly old-fashioned, aren't you?
Feel free to form your own opinion. Though it appears you already have.
Well, I intended to apologize for the behavior of my friend Brom Van Brunt, but it seems I've made matters worse. I'll leave you to your business.
Excuse me... I should apologize. I, um... I... have no great love of...
Other people?
Small talk.
Is it me, or are you this nervous around all women?
Perhaps it is because your suitor's hands were recently very nearly wrapped around my throat.
My suitor?
The massive fellow... Brom. For someone you call "friend," he misplaces a good portion of jealousy.
He has proposed to me twice.
I've read a great deal about your New York City. Do be a dear and tell me all about it. Sounds like an extraordinary place to live a life.
Not all think it is the Horseman. Many say witches come from the Western Woods to steal skulls for their cauldrons. Some believe a person in this very town kneels before Lucifer, offering death as tribute. And, still others believe none of it.
Are you so superstitious?
To call a person superstitious is to imply they fear magic, but not all magic is black.
There is no such thing as magic.
Really? Then... what is your rebuttal to those romantic poets claiming proof of magic in a rose at full bloom, or even in a teardrop?
Poets have silly notions about plants and bodily secretions.
You do not disturb me. Please stay. Having trouble sleeping?
May I ask... why do you cover your book that way?
You pay great attention to small things. I hide these as I hide all my books. Father would not approve, lest it were the Bible.
These scars. How did you get them?
I have had them since childhood. I cannot remember what from.
Here it is. A bird on one side. His cage on the other. Now, stare at it. The bird seems to be in his cage.
He only appears to be inside the cage. The point being...
You made this, and the drawings?
Yes, but listen. The illusion is easily explained. The eye retains each image, till they combine. And yet, some would call this toy magic.
Oh, you are hopeless. May I keep it at least?
If you want. But...
Thank you. No. Here...
I insist that you have it.
Very well. But, it will only sit gathering dust.
You promised justice.
If these are the random stalkings of a monster, what good am I?
People have put their trust in you.
They have done nothing of the sort.
Why would you do such a thing?
No stone may be left unturned. It may appear harsh...
I have misjudged you I think. I did not imagine you were so cruel.
You are not regarding it in full. The Widow Windsor had been run through by a sword. I followed the bloodless wound, a wound whose path I could not comprehend till I had seen the Horseman with my own eyes.
What are you on about?
The child she carried was eight months grown at least... near to birthing. The sword had pierced its tiny heart exactly.
Must I hear this?
There was no blind stabbing. This singular thrust found its target omnipotently, as if the Horseman made certain the unborn child died with its mother.
And this gives worth to butchery?
It was not butchery.
What is it then? Scientific method? How can any of this matter in the slightest?
I have no solution for its meaning yet, but I could not just ignore it.
Take a lesson from Young Masbath's desires, Ichabod Crane. He follows with you to avenge his father's death. That I understand. But, what do you want?
To avenge his father, and the others.
You falter with your answer because you strive without putting the whole of your heart into it. Can't you see? You'll bring dignity to the dead even if you have to chop them into little pieces to do it.
Allow me some time. I have spent every hour in the company of others. I need to be alone.
The things I said to you before... I was wrong to say them.
No, actually, you were not. Every word you spoke had truth in it.
Lady Van Tassel... she is your stepmother, isn't she? She bears so little resemblance.
What?
She is not your birth mother, is she?
No, but... why do you ask that?
What happened to your mother? Is she still alive?
She died. Her lungs were diseased... two years ago. What is this about?
Memories have come back. I had them forgotten, and wish I could forget them again... but they are here now. Lord, how I hate this place.
If you want me to go, I will. Do you want me to leave?
It is only me.
Katrina. Why do you follow?
I apologize if I worried you.
A woman should not be out alone in these woods.
Blood.
What are you doing?
My God... what has happened?
Why is it every grave I open holds a new mystery inside?
The skull is gone.
What... what are you doing... ?
What is so urgent?
I have been reading your journal. I'm sorry. I found it too fascinating to resist. I rode to catch up with you at the Notary, out of curiosity. Before I found you though, I overheard what you were said.
It was you there?
When... when you spoke father's name along with accusations, I could not believe it. I had to hide these... at least till I could confront him myself.
And, what did he say?
He did not do these things. If you knew him, you would realize...
What did he say, Katrina?
I have not been able to face him yet.
The loans give the land to your father. It does not matter survivors are still on their farms. They could be thrown off... tomorrow... a year from now.
Yes, I have seen that, and I told you why I hid them.
What would you have me believe?
If you think I am behind this, say it.
The name Van Tassel is blackened. You share that name.
Katrina...
Where are we going?
The church.
What was that?
Ichabod...
Quickly, close it.
The blades will carry us to the ground. Face front and wait for me.
I... I can't do this.
You said yourself. What mere man could have downed the Belltower?
Returning to the Western Woods?
Yes, actually.
Use caution.
Do you know... I think those are the first words I have heard from you my entire time here.
Excuse me, Lady Van Tassel... Katrina is not in her room.
No. She has gone out.
Where?
She has taken the last of our grain to be milled. You do have a background in the medical arts, don't you, Constable?
It appears well. It has already clotted.
Look closer. Do you have anything to clean it with?
I know you saw me.
You cannot kill what is already dead.
Let her go!
Van Ripper. Can you show where the body lay?
Here... in front of this oak, facing north. Horrible...
There was not much blood, was there?
Van Ripper, turn the coach about!
What did you say?
Van Ripper... do you have a gun?
Pardon. You did not answer when I knocked. Are we intruding?
You are from the Hollow?
The Lenape who lived in these woods... do you know him? The Redman? I should tell you... he has been murdered.
I hear him. He rides to the Hollow and back.
The Horseman. Yes.
Can you help?
What... what are you doing?
Lay still, Ichabod. Do not move.
You... you are alive.
He rides tonight.
Father saw you die.
Imagine my surprise, finding him on a liason with a common servant. A girl who had apparently become his secret love.
No one will believe your lies, whore.
Go home.
May I see my mother?
You do not want to be here. Go home to your father.
She did not do it... please listen...
She is guilty.
No, sir, please... she is innocent...
She has confessed.
No.
All right then, I'll see y'all later. Karl you done a good day's work. They right about you. Scooter, he's gonna knock you out of a job if you're not careful. I'll see you tomorrow.
Wait up, I'll leave with you and lock up.
Scooter, did I tell about the two old boys pissin' off the bridge?
I can't remember.
There was these two old boys hung their peckers off of a bridge to piss, one old boy from California and one old boy from Arkansas. Old boy from California says, "Boy this water's cold." Old boy from Arkansas says "Yeah, and it's deep too." Get it? That's a goodun.
Yeah, that's a goodun. I believe you did tell me that one before. I've heard that a bunch. Long time ago.
I can go. You don't have to. You don't never go.
Thank ye.
They say you're a whiz on fixin' lawn mowers and things.
I've tinkered around on 'em a little bit.
We order from Dairy Queen at noontime usually. We can buy your lunch till you get on your feet a little.
I like them french-fried potaters.
I don't reckon.
Yeah, they's good all right.
You got any money?
They give me fifty dollars when they turned me loose. I spent up some of it on ridin' the bus and eatin' french-fried potaters.
Well, I'm gonna pay you today for this comin' week, so you'll have some walkin' around money. When you get off this evenin' you better go buy some toothpaste and cleanin' up supplies to have back there. Some hard candy and some magazines. Somethin' to keep you busy at night.
All right then.
Now, Karl, you sure you want to go stay with these folks? You're welcome to keep on stayin here. It's workin' out real good.
That boy wants me to.
All right then. I'll see you bright and early. How you comin' along on that garden tiller?
I fixed it. Hit's a workin' pretty good.
Hit ain't got no gas in it.
Thank ye.
Hey Jerry, how it's goin'. Good to see you. Been a long time.
Good to see you, Bill. How's everybody doin'?
Aw, pretty good. Kids are drivin' me crazy and Phyliss is gonna put me in the poorhouse. Can't complain other than that. Wouldn't do any good if I did. Do you know Scooter, Jerry?
No, don't guess I do. Scooter, good to meet you. This is him, the one I talked to you about on the phone. Now like I said, I'll understand if you get nervous about it. I'm not gonna lie to you now, he did get in that trouble but then he was real young.
Don't look much like he could. You say he can fix a small engine like nobody's bidness.
He's a regular whiz at it. That's all he did when he was a kid.
That old man of his still livin' over there on Clark Street I believe.
He won't have anything to do with him. Now you say it's all right for him to stay out here in the back?
He won't steal. I'm tellin' you he's a pretty good ol' boy. Keeps to himself.
Well, I've got a roomful of work for him to do. Can't get Scooter to do any of it.
Karl, come over here. I want you to meet your new boss. This is Bill Cox, runs this place. Says you can work here and stay in the back.
How 'bout you, Jerry.
How are you, Bill?
Doin' pretty good. Got a sick tiller here. What's got you down this way?
Just thought I'd check on Karl and see if everything's working out.
Well, he's pretty quiet. Except for them rackets and breathin' things he does. Ain't threatened me with a killin' or anything. But boy you couldn't of been more right about him fixin' things. That son of a bitch is a regular Eli Whitney on a lawnmower. Loves french fries. Eats four larges and don't even so much as belch. I'm proud to have him.
Is him stayin' here workin' out?
He's gone to stayin' over with that Wheatley boy and his mama in their garage. I think that little boy adopted him damn near like a mascot. But he's got a key here to come and go as he pleases. Everything's worked out good.
Can I see him?
I'll see you, Bill.
Can I help you?
I was kindly wantin' somethin' or 'nother d'eat.
Well, what did you want?
You have any biscuits for sale?
Did you decide, sir?
What you got that's good to eat?
Well, I guess it's all good.
What do you like to eat here?
French fries. I like to eat them pretty good.
French-fried potaters.
Yeah.
How much you want fer 'em? I'll get some of them I reckon.
Sixty for small and seventy-five for large.
These dang things are heavy. Hard to carry, too.
What you got in there, warshing?
Yeah.
Ain't you got no mama and daddy to tend to it?
I got a mama, but she's at work over at Ben's Dollar Store. My daddy's dead. He got hit by a train.
How fer you going with them sacks full of warsh?
About a half a mile I think it is.
I'll help you tote 'em if I don't give out first.
My name is Frank Wheatley. What's your name?
... on the third day I washed her. She wasn't very clean. I got all the right spots. She was the first one I ever kept for any length of time, you see I get bored easily, I have a short attention span. I can't say she enjoyed her stay, although the washcloth in her mouth held in place by good duct tape kept
They was a boy. We made friends.
I bet you did. I was never bent that way. I'm bent the other way. So, you liked it out there in the world.
It's too big.
Well, it's not too big in here, is it? I feel very generous today. I feel like listening. I'm sure you have plenty to tell me. And please bore me with the details. ) Come on Karl, who did you kill? Was it the boy?
Hey Freddy, what's goin' on boy. I seen your pitcher in the paper for catchin' that big-ass bass.
Yeah She was a big 'un. You ain't drunk drivin' are you Doyle?
Yeah.
I figured that. Well you better be careful with that cripple in the back. You'll throw him out. Looks like you got a wagonful.
We run outta somethin' to drink. Goin' to the county line. You want to race?
You know better than that. We're on duty. Catch me in that Camaro next week one night.
Doyle, you're awful. You shouldn't be that way.
I ain't sayin' it's right. I'm just tellin' the truth. What was he in the nuthouse for?
He's just mentally retarded, I guess.
Yeah, that's right, Frank, you better ask him. I mean, don't hurt his feelin's or anything, but it would be good to know. I'm sure it's nothin'. He seems real sweet.
You sure are hung up on people bein' sweet. Speakin' of which, where's your girlfriend? I thought he was comin' by here for something.
He'll be here in a little while, he's takin' me to get an ice cream.
Ain't that the sweetest thing. What am I supposed to do about supper with you traipsin' around with that fag?
You're not crippled. Get in there and make somethin'.
Boy, ain't you somethin' else. Talkin' back and everything. It kinda makes me horny when you talk back.
Let's go, Vaughan. Frank, we'll be back in a little while. I'll bring you back somethin'. You're food's in the oven warmin' over.
Well, I wouldn't let it get to you.
I just feel sorry for the poor thing.
Who could eat with him settin' there makin' that goddamn racket with his throat.
You know what, by God?
What?
You know what we ought to do tonight?
Please Doyle, don't.
Have a damn party! Call Morris and them and get the band together and just party our asses off. I'd like to show that fuckin' Karl to the guys. They'd get a kick out of that. Don't you know they would.
Please don't. Not tonight. I'm not up for it. They always stay till mornin'. I'm just give out, Doyle.
Well, it's on! We're gonna rock. Linda, call Vaughan. Tell him to get over here. I'd like him to be here. I owe him a good time.
No Doyle. Vaughan don't want to come to a party with you.
Okay ladies and gentlemen or both. It's come to the time in our show when we like to introduce the band. Over here on lead guitar Mr. Randy Horsefeathers. Come on hit a hot lick, Randy. Well, come on, y'all are supposed to clap now. Come on!
He don't want to Doyle. Don't go Vaughan if you don't want to. You'll wreck Doyle, you're drunk.
I thought I told everybody to get out of my house. That includes cocksuckers and retards. Get off your asses and go.
This is not your house, Doyle. This is my house and I'll say who stays and goes. You've got a house, why don't you go get one of your girlfriends and go home to it.
You're not stayin' here tonight. Go get sober before you come back. I'm tired of my child seein' this. Now you get yourself straight or I'll lock your ass out of my life for good.
You know what I told you, you even think of leavin' me, I'll kill you dead as a doornail.
Leave.
Don't tell me what to do.
Leave.
Don't tell me what to do.
Leave.
Don't tell me what to do.
Leave.
What in the goddamn hell are you doin'? It's the middle of the night.
We'll go to church and get you baptized, tomorrow's Sunday. You go on back to bed.
How'd your baptizin' go?
It went real good.
Well, that's good. It's about time to eat and you know what I'm cravin'? Some of that take out chicken. Why don't you run get some of it, honey, for lunch?
All right, y'all gonna go with me?
Naw, hell, let them stay here with me and do men things. There might be some kind of ball game on we can watch. You go on.
Well, honey, I don't guess I give a shit. I ain't here half the time anyway. If you want a retard livin' in the garage, I don't guess I care. I've got a good tool box and socket set out there I don't want stol'd. I guess I could take it home with me.
He's real honest. He wouldn't steal nothin'.
Now son, I wadn't talkin' to you, was I? Was I?
No sir.
I ain't sure.
I want to watch T.V.
Come on, Karl, let's go out to the garage.
Stop it, Doyle!
Stop it, Doyle! Don't talk about daddy, you hear me!
What have you got to be nervous about? You're a damn kid. You ain't got any bills to pay or bidness to run or old lady to stay on your ass all the time.
Last time you got mad and run Morris and them off and said to stay away from here.
Okay, I'll leave and sober up. Everything's botherin' me, that's all. I'm hurtin' Linda. I love you.
I hate you!
Now here's the deal. Now that I'm gonna throw my entire life away doin' what I want to come live here with y'all, we have to get a few things straight. See, Frank, me and you mama wouldn't have any problems if it wadn't for you. We'd never have a bad word between us. But since you do exist, if I'm gonna be here
Sure, I guess.
Hey, Vaughan, you know what I heard? I heard you been puttin' it to Albert Sellers that works over at the funeral home.
I know Albert. We're friends.
I heard you was more than friends. I heard Dick Rivers caught y'all all bowed up and goin' at it in the same room with poor, little, old Mizz Ogletree and her dead as a doornail layed out on a gurney.
You like that Vaughan?
Sure. It sounded like a number one tune all right.
I'd better go on home now, it's late. I have to work tomorrow.
Are you sure you can drive? You've really had a lot of alcohol.
I bet you like sittin' between two men in a dual wheel truck don't you?
Oh, yeah, I'm thrilled.
You got that shit right.
I don't really understand the meaning of the words.
We don't have a goddamn band! Y'all just shut the fuck up! We don't need no practicin' or managers cause we ain't no fuckin' band! Morris ain't no genius and the rest of you are just losers. Am I the only one sane human bein' around here? Just get the hell out of my house and don't come back!
It's not your house, Doyle, it's Linda's.
Doyle, don't you lay one hand on her.
I'm a witness. I heard you threaten her life.
What's in your bag?
This and that. Toothpaste and whatnot.
What's all them books?
Different ones. The Bible's one of 'em.
You believe in the Bible?
A good deal of it, I reckon. Can't understand all of it.
I ain't never used no hatchet that I remember.
On the bass, give it up for Terence "One Ball" Atkins. On the tambourine and lyrics Morris Hobbs the fuckin' genius of the group. On drums "The Johnson." And last and most importantly, Doyle Hargraves on rhythm guitar and business affairs and the only motherfucker with a truck big enough to haul this outfit on the next world fuckin' tour. Come on, a big
Childers.
I want to be baptized.
Don't hit that boy no more.
Where's ever'body else? You seen 'em? I thought I told you to get the hell moved out of here anyway.
How does a feller go about gettin' ahold of the police?
Pick up the fuckin' phone and call 'em, I guess.
What numbers do you punch?
I told you to get away from here, didn't I? I'm tryin' to relax and look at TV. What are you doin' with that piece of iron? I swear to God you're the weirdest son of a bitch I ever heard of.
Hey Frank. You shouldn't be coming over here. My parents really don't want you to.
I wanted to bring you some flowers. They're pretty good ones.
I wanted for you to meet Karl, too. He's my new friend. But I feel like I've always known him. I thought you should meet him.
Why? Hi, Karl.
He's gonna be around a lot and I hope you are too, so...
Can you go there with us now? Me and Karl. We could just hang out. Karl has some cool books.
Frank, I just like you as a friend. Only at the secret place. Okay? I can't go there now. I'll see you later.
But maybe just for awhile --
What's you last name?
Childers.
What are all them books?
Different ones. One's the Bible. One of 'ems a book on Christmas. One of 'ems how to be a carpenter.
How come you're carryin' them around with you.
Ain't got nowhere to set 'em down.
Don't you live somewhere?
I did live there in the state hospital.
Why'd you live there?
I killed some folks quite awhile back. They said I wadn't right in the head and they put me in there in the nervous hospital instead of puttin' me in jail.
They let you out?
Yeah.
How come?
They told me I was well. They had to turn me loose.
Are you well?
I reckon I feel all right.
Do you like to play football?
I never was much count at it. I never did get picked out fer it.
Hey there. I thought I heard somebody on the porch. Wasn't your name Karl?
Yeah it is. Your name's Frank.
Yeah. What you doin' by here?
You told me to come by.
Did you want to play ball with us?
I ain't no good at it. I just come by.
Well, anyhow, I was just fixin' to go see my mama down at Ben's Dollar Store. She's workin' two till eight.
Wait a minute. You want to go with me? You can meet my mama.
I don't want to worry your mama with company.
Aw, come on. You'll like her. She's real nice. She'll give us somethin' if we ask her to. Candy or somethin'.
I was kindly needin' to do some tradin'. Reckon they sell toothpaste?
This is what I call my secret place 'cause I come out here when I feel like bein' by myself. I used to come here with Karen Cross. She's kind of like my girlfriend, or used to be. She says she likes Jerry Maroney now. But I'm gonna get her back 'cause I love her. We used to come here and hold hands and
Naw. Didn't have too much. Enough to scrape by on, I reckon.
They still around, your folks?
My mother's dead. My daddy's s'posed to be around still. He don't want to have nothin' to do with me though.
How do you know?
He never did want to. I figure he ain't changed his mind much.
How did your mama die?
You don't need to know all of that. You're just a boy. You need to think about good thoughts while you're still a boy. They'll be plenty of time for the other.
I've had a lot of bad thoughts since my daddy died. Sometimes I wish I was still real little and he was still here. My mama's real good, but I wish I had both of 'em. When we went to Memphis one time in the car, it was rainin' so hard we couldn't see the road. But I wadn't scared because I thought as
How come her to keep bein' girlfriends and all with him if he's mean to her?
Karl. You know when I said daddy got hit by a train.
Yeah, I remember you a-tellin' me that.
It ain't the truth. He shot hisself with a shotgun on purpose.
Why did he do that, reckon.
'Cause he didn't have enough money to take care of us the way he wanted to. That's what the letter said. He got laid off from work and had to just work odd jobs. I thought he took care of us fine. Karl, did you really kill somebody?
Yeah, I did.
Who did you kill?
Two people.
Were they bad people?
I thought they was.
Maybe they needed it.
I growed up and got taught it ain't right to kill nobody.
I'd like to kill that son of a bitch. I hate him.
You ort not to talk that way. You're just a boy.
Well, I hate him.
He ort not to talk that away to you neither. He ain't no count. He's mean to you and your mama. Yore mama and that feller that's carryin' me to get somethin' d'eat's gonna be back here directly.
Will you stay here with us for a long time?
I reckon if you want me to. I got some of that potted meat and sodie crackers left over if you want some.
I don't see how you can eat that stuff with all those insides it's made out of.
I reckon it tastes pretty good to me.
I like the way you talk.
Hey Karl, you off work?
Yeah.
Where'd you get them flowers?
That gal that made employee of the month give 'em to me for awalkin' with her.
I was goin' to the secret place. I borried one of your books to take down there. You ain't mad, are you?
Naw. You can look at all my books you want to.
It's name's A Christmas Carol.
That's than un on Christmas I was tellin' you about.
You want to go with me?
I'm gettin' tired of readin' for a while.
All right then.
Boy, folks sure had it rough back a long time ago, didn't they?
Yeah, I reckon they did. Hit like to tore me up when I read about that pore little cripple boy.
Yeah, me too. That was nice of that woman to give you them flowers.
Hit was right thoughty of her.
I was wantin' to ask you somethin'.
All right then.
You know that girl I told you about. The one I love.
Yeah, I recollect it.
Would you go see her with me? I kind of thought I might take her some flowers like that woman done you.
If you want me to.
I ain't got no money to get 'em with but I bet Vaughan will let me have some of them flowers at the store.
I bet he will. I got a little money if he don't. I'll get 'em for ye.
I usually get run off by her mama or daddy if they're home. Reckon why they don't like me?
They ort to. You're a good boy.
Just 'cause I'm not rich don't mean I don't love her.
Naw.
And I don't try to touch her. You know, in a bad way. Foolin' around, sex and all.
That's real good. You ort not to if ye ain't married to somebody. Bible tells you that much. Hit tells some things that don't seem right too, I reckon. I guess a feller ort to foller it close as he can, though. You don't touch yourself, do you?
What do you mean?
Pull on your works. Your privates.
Oh, jackin' off?
Yes sir. You ort not know that language.
I didn't know till here while back a year or two ago when I spent the night with Ronnie Smart one time. He said just tug on your peter and think about your mama. I tried it, but I felt funny thinkin' about my mama. So, I switched over to thinkin' about his mama and then what he told me would happen, happened. It
You ort not to pull on yourself that away.
I kind of like you tellin' me what to do and not to do. Just like my daddy. I didn't mind him tellin' me. I hate Doyle to tell me what to do. Mama said the only way to ever get away from him is for him to get away from us. That we can't leave him or he'll try and hurt her.
He ain't no count.
You don't seem like a daddy. You seem like a brother. Wonder what makes you like somebody right off when you don't even know 'em like what happened with me and you.
I don't reckon I know.
And then some people you don't like right off. It's funny. You know why I want you to play ball with me?
Naw.
'Cause it's fun. It don't matter if you ain't no good. It takes your mind off of everything else while you're doin' it. When you run real fast tryin' to make a touchdown you don't think about anything else. I ain't no good, but my daddy always said he was proud of me when I threw a ball or ran with it. Did you
I had one there for little bit. Hit didn't get old enough to play with.
Why not? It died?
Yeah.
Why?
Hit was borned a little too early on. My mother and father made hit come too early some way or other. I reckon they changed their mind about havin' another'n. I was about six or eight year old then and they didn't care too much for me so I reckon they didn't need somethin' else to worry 'em with.
So it died when it come out?
My daddy come to the shed out back and got me and said throw this here away and handed me a towel with somethin' in it. I went for the trash barrel there and opened up the towel to see 'cause they was a noise and somethin' movin' in it. Hit was bloody-like around that towel. Hit was a little ol' bitty baby, no
It was alive?
Yes sir. Right then it was.
A boy or girl?
A little ol' boy.
You threw it in a trash barrel?
I didn't feel right about doin' that. I takened a shoe box from there in the shed and emptied out some screwdrivers and nuts and warshers from it and put the little feller in that and buried him in the corner of the yard there. That seemed more proper to me, I reckon.
It was still alive when you buried it?
I heared it cryin' a little through that box.
That don't seem right. It seems like you should have kept him alive and took care of him if he was your brother.
I wadn't but six or eight. I reckon I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to care for no baby. Mama and Daddy didn't want him. They learned me to do what they told me to. These days I figure it might of been best to give him right back to the Good Lord right off the bat anyhow.
That makes me feel real sad. Couldn't you have done somethin', Karl? I would have. I wish I would of had him. He'd be here right now. Livin'.
Hits been hard thinkin' about it. They ain't a day goes by I don't think about it. I kindly have a picture of it up in my head that I see. Hit makes me sad, too. I have bad thoughts on it. I wished they was somethin' I could of did, too. Shouldn't no bad things happen to childern. All the ol' bad things
I didn't mean to say anything bad about you. I know you're good. You didn't mean no harm. Did you ever think about killin' yourself on purpose like my daddy did?
I've studied about it. The Bible says not to or you end up goin' to Hades. Some folks calls it Hell, I call it Hades.
Bible says the same thing about killin' others, too.
She said she'd see me later. That's kinda good, right?
What you readin'?
Readin' on this book on how to work carpentry. I aim to learn how to build things out of wood one of these times. I've always been partial to wood buildin's and cabinets and whatnot. These drawin's they got here don't make no sense to me so far. You seem like yore tails a'draggin' a might. You got somethin' wrong with ye?
Seems like Doyle's wormed his way back in. Mama said he's stayin' over tonight and he's talkin' about movin' in for good. We ain't ever gonna be happy. We'll always be nervous, won't we Karl?
I don't reckon I know. I ain't found no way yet and I'm three or four times as old as you. Might be that's just the way folks is.
I feel sad about Karen Cross, too. I just make like to myself she loves me. I know better, though. It just feels good to me when I imagine it.
Bill Cox is goin' to a funeral for a Mister Turner tomorrow and a closin' up shop early.
Is that right?
I'll play ball with ye. I reckon if neither one of us is no count it won't make no difference.
You will? For sure?
Yeah.
We'll be on teams, me and you?
Way to go, Karl. We got a touchdown. That was a good lateral, man. That was just like the Wishbone.
I dern near had me a touchdown till them boys got a-hold of me there so I figured I better give it off to you. I seen you over there follerin' me.
I know you could of scored them three touchdowns by yourself instead of throwing 'em over to me.
Them boys was tryin' to pull me down pretty hard.
It don't matter to me about us losin' does it to you?
No sir.
It was fun, anyhow.
I wadn't thinkin' about nothin' else just like you told me I'd do.
Can we play ever' Saturday?
Yeah, I guess.
Hey, Karl. How'd you know to come out here?
I knowed you'd be here. What are you a-doin' digging with that stob?
Just diggin'. I ain't ever gonna be happy now. Not with that son of a bitch movin' in for good. I wish me and you and Mama could just run away. But she said he would find us wherever we went. He's crazy. Sometimes I think it would of been better if I wadn't ever born.
I'm glad of it you was borned. I reckon I ain't gonna be there in the garage no more.
You have to Karl. You have to look out for me. You don't let that son of a bitch run you off.
You're just a boy. You ort not to use that sort of language.
Karl, I ain't tryin' to say nothin' bad about you, but why don't you stop Doyle when he gets that away? You're older than him. You're strong, too. My daddy wouldn't let him do that to me and Mama.
That feller's a whole sight meaner than me. He'd just whup the tar out of me.
Yeah, I guess so. I'm real tired, you know that. A kid my age shouldn't be tired of things.
I'm tired, too, Frank. If I ain't around no more, it don't mean I don't care fer ye. I care for ye a good deal. I care for you more than anybody they is. We made friends right off the bat.
I care for you, too. But you'll be around, don't say that.
Maybe you can make more sense out of them than I can. I made you a little old book marker and stuck it in that book on Christmas.
You don't want to give away all your books.
I aim fer you to have 'em.
Man. Thanks. You know when you get a feelin' and you don't know why?
Yes sir.
I've got a feelin' today.
Reckon what kind of a feelin'?
Like something different. I don't know. You're leavin' ain't you, Karl?
Will ye do somethin' for me if I ast you to?
You know I would. Whatever you want.
Don't go home tonight and stay with that Doyle. He's got it in for ye tonight. I got me a feelin', too. Feels like to me you ort not be there in that house with him liquored up and mean. Ye mama neither. When you get up from here, I want you to go to that feller's house. Your mama's friend. I want you
Okay. I give you my word. Is ever'thing gonna be okay? Are you all right?
Ever'thing's okay, boy. I kindly want to put my arm around ye for a minute and then I'm gonna go on and leave here.
Hey, Mama. Hey, Vaughan.
Oh, that's Karl. I met him at the laundrymat. Karl, this is my mama. And Vaughan, Vaughan's the manager. He lets mama off any time she feels like it 'cause they're best friends.
Hey Karl, guess what. Mama said you can stay with us. Out in the garage. Our car won't fit in there anyway. It's real neat.
Maybe you and Karl want to go with us?
How come Karl won't eat here with us?
I sure like the way he talks. It sounds like a race car motor idlin'. It makes me not be nervous.
Karl, now listen, there's gonna be a party tonight here at the house. Doyle's invited his music-playin' buddies over to make a bunch of racket out on the patio.
They ain't even no good. The only one can play is Randy Horsefeathers. He claims he's an Indian. His real name's Randy Collins and he works at the feed mill. He can at least play guitar.
He's no more an Indian than I am though. Anyhow, Doyle's gonna try and tease you and be mean to you to show off to his friends. Just like he does to Frank and me sometimes. You just ignore it. Or stay out here away from 'em if he'll let you. He's an okay guy till he gets drunk but tonight he'll get drunk.
You all right, Mama?
I'm fine, honey. Let's just try and forget about tonight.
We don't need to think bad thoughts, do we Mama?
What are you doin' up again, Frank? You need to get a little sleep.
Did Vaughan go home?
Yeah, he has to go to work in a little while. I do too.
Did Karl go to bed?
I guess. He went to the garage. Poor thing, he's probably never seen such a crazy mess. He probably wants to go back and live in Mr. Cox's shop.
I bet he don't. Karl likes me.
I know he does.
Mama?
Huh?
Is everything gonna be all right someday? I just stay nervous all the time just about.
Yeah, honey, someday everything's gonna be all right.
Doyle wouldn't really kill you, would he?
I promise we're gonna get away from him. The time has to be right, that's all. I'd rather him get tired of me and leave me. Then he wouldn't want to hurt me. He wouldn't care then. We'll be fine. I promise. You go to bed now. I love you.
Well, at least he's tryin'. But who knows for how long.
He's lyin' Mama. He ain't gonna do better.
I know honey. Just remember what I said, we'll bide our time. You just steer clear of him as much as you can. Doyle's had a real hard life. It's just about run him crazy I think.
Yes ma'am, I reckon.
I like walkin' quite a bit from time to time.
You walk fast, don't you?
These is the worst shoes I own for walkin'. How far did you want to go?
A blister shore can hurt.
Yeah.
Flowers is pretty. I've always thought that.
I'm ye boy.
I ain't got no boy.
I'm ye oldest boy name Karl.
I ain't got no boy.
That grass out in the yard's all growed up. I figured I might cut it fer ye.
I reckon I'm gonna have to get used to looking at pretty people.
Yes, I guess you are.
I reckon I'm gonna have to get used to them lookin' at me, too.
You better go get your things.
I ain't got nothing but them books.
You better go get 'em.
Karl, what in the world are you doing here?
I want to come back and stay here.
Well, you can't do that. You're a free man. You've been let out to do as you please.
I reckon I don't care nothin' about bein' a free man. I don't know how to go about it.
Well, you have to learn. It'll take some time. Don't you know anybody down there to help you out?
Naw.
Your daddy's still livin' down there from what you told me. I guess he wouldn't help you any, would he? I wasn't thinking. You don't know anybody?
Naw. Never did know too much of nobody. Not to he'p me out anyway.
Listen, Karl, the truth is I don't know where they expect you to go or what they expect you to do. If it was up to me, I'd let you stay here if that's what you wanted. I'm just doin' my job. You follow me? Listen, I know an old boy that runs a fix-it shop deal down in Millsburg. He used to go
I'm pretty handy I reckon on lawn mowers and whatnot.
I know, I've seen it myself. Would you give that a try?
I reckon.
I can't promise he'll hire you. I'll have to tell him about your history.
I never was no good with history.
No, I mean your past. About why you were in here. I'll take you first thing in the mornin'. You have anyplace you can stay tonight at all? I just can't let you stay here. It's the rules. If something happened well, I'd be liable.
She's talkin' about me, Karl. That's my first name.
Karl, you up?
Didn't you go to sleep at all, Karl? You been sittin' there like that all night?
Yes sir.
Are you sure you're okay staying with that woman and boy?
Yes sir.
Do they know about you?
My history.
Yeah.
I told 'em about it. They know I'm well. That Mizz Wheatley made me some biscuits.
I'll be.
That boy, he's my friend. He likes the way I talk and I like the way he talks.
Hey, Vaughan. How are you, Karl?
Tolerable, I reckon.
You scared me.
I didn't aim to.
Want to sit down? Did you need somethin'?
Two fellers was on a bridge a takin' a leak and one feller says the water was cold and the other said it was deep water. One of 'em came from Arkansas, I believe.
Do you reckon you can make me some biscuits?
Right now?
Just whenever you take a notion to. I don't aim to put you out.
Well, it is nearly breakfast time anyway. I can't go to sleep. I have to be at work in three hours. You know how it is when you just sleep an hour or two, you feel worse than if you hadn't slept at all?
Yes ma'am.
Well, set down and I'll make some biscuits and gravy.
Mustard's good on 'em to me.
Thank ye.
It's all right. You know I was thinkin' there's this girl that works with me. She's real heavy, but she's cute in the face. Well, you know, she's slow. She's a little bit, I think. She's not retarded, just -- it don't matter, listen to me. I thought you might like to meet her. Vaughan wants to have a little supper over at his
I wouldn't mind a havin' supper.
Vaughan's "friend" will be there, too. He works at the funeral home. And Frank. You know Frank likes you a lot. He says you make him feel calm.
Hit ain't right for me to keep from tellin' you how come me to be put in the state hospital.
That's okay. It's not really my business. I have wondered though. Why was it? Was it like a nervous breakdown?
Was that you? I remember that. I was only three or four, but I always heard about it growin' up. They say you're well?
Yes ma'am. I like your garage. I wouldn't never hurt you or your boy. I'd lay my hand on the Bible and say the same thing.
Karl, why don't you and Melinda go take a walk. It's nice out.
You're a hell of a boy, Frank. Someday you're gonna get all the good things you deserve. And Karl here's gonna get some more biscuits tonight. What do you think about that?
Where are you goin', Karl? Didn't you want some chicken and things?
No ma'am. I'm a'goin' off sommers.
Well, okay. I got you some.
Frank, he went off, too. He ain't gonna be in there when you get indoors.
Where'd he go? What's goin' on?
He wanted to go off and play, I reckon. You go in there and you and that Doyle eat ye dinner. You don't have to worry yourself none.
All right then. Well, I'll see you later. If you see Frank, tell him to come on back home. I don't get to see him all day except Sundays. He can play tomorrow.
Ma'am?
Yeah.
You're a good mama to that boy. You care for him. You work hard fer him to take care of him. You light him up in his eyes, I've seen it. He wouldn't know what to do without ye.
Well thank you, hun. That's real good of you to say. I wouldn't know what to do without him either.
You've been real good to me, too. It ain't ever'body that'd make biscuits in the middle of the night. You and that boy has give me a good feelin'.
We sure like havin' you.
I don't think I've ever seen you before.
Naw, I don't believe you have. I don't reckon I never been in here. This store didn't used to be here.
It's been here seventeen years. Did you live here before or something?
I's horned and raised here up till I's twelve year old.
What brings you back?
What's that you say?
Why are you here now?
They turned me loose from the state hospital.
Is that right? Are you going to be staying here long?
I reckon Mr. Woolridge got me hired on to work for Bill Cox's outfit.
Do you have family here?
Yes sir.
So, you're really going to stay here?
That boy wants me to.
Did you knock on the door yet?
Naw, I ain't.
How long have you been standing here?
Quite a spell, I reckon.
Listen, before you get very used to staying here, I think you and I need to talk about a few things. Can I take you to lunch?
I done et just a little bit ago.
I mean tomorrow or the next day.
I reckon I can stand to eat a little somethin' or 'nother at noontime tomorrow. Bill Cox generally gets me a box of french fried potaters. But I reckon he can lay off doin' it tomorrow.
Okay, Karl, the reason I brought you here was to talk to you about something that is on my mind. I guess I'll put it right out on the table. Where do I start. Linda and Frank are very important to me. They're like family. My own family was never like family. They're horrible people. As a matter of fact I prayed every night
I reckon not.
Homosexual. I like men. Sexually.
Not funny, ha, ha, funny queer.
Well that's a very offensive way to put it. You shouldn't say that. You were taught that, weren't you?
I've heard it said that way.
Anyway, it's hard to live gay, that's the right way to say it, in a small town like this. I've wanted to leave many times, but my love for Linda and Frank and another certain person that we won't go into have kept me from it. Anyway, I'm rambling. If you're going to live in the Wheatly garage you need to know that it
I wouldn't never hurt them.
I was thinkin' I could use me another helpin' of these potaters.
Oh. How about before that?
I think Karl is going to be a writer or a librarian eventually. You should see all the books he has. He must read constantly.
Karl, what are you doing here? Come in.
I ain't a-stayin'. I need to ast you fer a favor.
Okay.
This evenin' I want you to go get Mizz Wheatley and that Frank and have them stay with you tonight.
What's wrong? Is everything okay?
That dern Doyle is in a bad way again with that drinkin' and bein' mean to folks. Will you give me your word you'll do it?
Well, sure, okay. He hasn't hurt them, has he?
What about you, Karl? Do you want to stay here?
Frank, don't talk that way. Who's that strange lookin' man behind you? Did he follow you in here?
He just got out of the state hospital.
Are you sure it's safe to let him around that guy?
Frank's just crazy about him. He likes the way he talks. He helped him carry home the clean laundry.
He's been in the state hospital a long time, something must be wrong with him.
He's retarded's all. You know he's always after a father figure and Lord knows Doyle ain't a good one with his mean ass.
What about me?
I don't think he sees you as a guy guy.
Good. I haven't decided yet if I'm a good cook.
Karl, maybe you and Melinda might want to take a walk or something after dinner. It's a nice night.
Vaughan, don't get pushy.
Listen everybody, I know this may sound corny, I've had a few glasses of wine and that kind of makes me a little emotional, but I'm going to say it anyway. It just came over me in a rush. I want you all to know that I care about each and every one of you at this table.
I don't know why you're so weirded out, this is not San Quentin, it's just a nuthouse. Most of these people don't even know where they are, they're not gonna hurt you.
In a few minutes we're gonna be in a room with a killer. That doesn't bother you?
Hey, you're the one that wanted to major in journalism. Anyhow, wasn't the guy something like twelve or thirteen when he did it, it was twenty-five years ago, he probably doesn't even remember it.
Do you smell shit?
Let's just go, Marsha.
No, we have to get this story.
I thought you'd be happy to leave.
My name's Jerry Woolridge.
Nice to meet you. I'm Marsha Dwiggins and this is Theresa Evans. She's here to take the pictures.
Y'all have a seat. Is this all of you?
Yes sir.
I think there must have been a little mix up. I told your sponsor or teacher or whatever he is, there couldn't be any pictures. It's s'posed to be just a little story or article or something, isn't that right?
Well, yeah, it's for the school newspaper. But it has pictures. I mean it's a regular paper, you know.
Karl's real sensitive about having his picture made. He wouldn't even be on the bulletin board for the Easter Collage. Melvin, would you get me a good hot cup with two sugar substitutes? You girls want some coffee?
No thank you.
I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. I made myself pretty clear I thought. He probably got busy and wasn't thinking. I know how that is. I used to teach shop and eighth grade science.
Can't you talk to him? Maybe talk him into it. I'm a real good interviewer. Just get me in the room with him.
You see, Karl, growing up, only knew that sex was wrong and that people who did it should be killed for it. He couldn't really read but, well, neither could his mother. But, his father made sure that his mother knew what the Bible said. And she made sure Karl knew. You know he slept in a hole in the ground under a toolshed,
I knew he slept in a toolshed.
His mother told him that he was their punishment. Hers and his father's; from God, for having sex--
Before they were married?
I don't think so. Just period, I think. She told him... God gave them the ugliest creation he could think of. Karl has an entire book -- a notebook. On every page it says "Franklin Chapter 1 Verse number 1." He wrote that a few years ago after he'd learned to write. His father's name was Franklin.
That's really strange. What does it mean?
But, here's the thing. He'll only talk to you. He doesn't want you to ask him anything. And you shouldn't stare at him.
How am I going to conduct an interview if I can't ask him any questions?
It's the best you're gonna get. I'm sorry.
Can I ask you a question? If he's so troubled, why are you letting him out? What if he does it again? It happens all the time.
He's free. His time's up. That's the rules. He's been treated and reevaluated. He doesn't show any signs any more.
Signs?
Is he leaving right this minute?
We've got some paperwork to take care of. Pretty soon. Don't worry, you won't run into him in the parking lot.
I didn't mean that.
I hope the best for you, Miss Dwiggins, with your school and your paper and all.
Where will he go?
Wherever he wants to. I think he's going back to Millsburg where he's from. It's just about twenty miles from here.
Will he be supervised?
Also, Melinda, please don't tell anybody at the store that Albert was here tonight, okay.
Why?
Well, a lot of people in town talk and spread cruel rumors. Unfortunately, I have to keep certain parts of my life private.
You mean about y'all bein' together in "that" way?
Yes.
It's coming along. At the rate he's going, he'll have a story finished by the end of the summer.
What!
Perhaps I should rephrase the question. What I mean to say is, are you married or seriously involved with a significant other?
No! At least I don't think I am!
Good. Then may I have the honor of extending an invitation to you?
And what's the occasion of this celebration?
It's my birthday.
And how many people will be attending this birthday party?
I wouldn't actually call it a party. It's more along the lines of a dinner in celebration of my birthday. The guest list is quite restricted. So far, there's Mr. Benjamin and myself. If you accept, that would make three of us.
Ah-hah, I see. A cozy dinner. But aren't threesomes a little awkward? How does the phrase go--
Three's a crowd. Yes, I'm aware of that. But I have to keep an eye on Mr. Benjamin wherever he goes. To make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble.
And what are you, his chaperone?
Like me, too.
I once read somewhere that one quarter of all the people in the United States have at least one relative who has lived in Brooklyn at one time or another.
Will that be cash or charge?
Better make it charge.
I thought I recognized you. You're Paul Benjamin the writer, aren't you?
I confess.
So your mother grew up in Shanghai?
Until she was twelve. She moved here in 'forty-nine.
And your father? Is he from New York?
Muncie, Indiana. He and my mother met as students. But I'm from Brooklyn. My sisters and I were all born and bred right here.
And the bookstore? Have you been working there long?
It's just a summer job. Something to help pay the bills while I finish my dissertation.
Your dissertation? What subject do you study?
American literature. What else?
What else. Of course, what else? And what are you writing about for your thesis?
Visions of Utopia in Nineteenth-Century American Fiction.
Wow. You don't fool around, do you?
Of course I fool around. But not so much when it comes to my work, it's true. Have you ever read Pierre, or the Ambiguities?
Melville, huh? It's been a while.
That's the subject of my last chapter.
Not an easy book.
Jesus, what happened to you?
It looks worse than it is. I'm okay.
What happened?
I'll tell you all about it... ... but not here.
It's been a while. I thought maybe you'd be in touch.
Yeah, well, I've sort of been out of commission. How's Melville?
I finished my story. I thought you might want to take a look at it.
I'd love to.
Good. I hope you like it. It was a long time in coming.
I get off for lunch in ten minutes. Can I treat you to a hamburger?
Uh ... actually, it might be better if you read the story first. Call me when you're finished, okay?
Okay. I'll read it tonight and call you tomorrow. It doesn't seem to be too long.
What'll it be, Auggie?
And what about for you?
Huh?
What about for you?
For me? I'll have the same thing.
Do me a favor, will you?
What's that, Sol?
Next time, when you want two corned beef sandwiches, say, "Two corned beef sandwiches." When you want two ginger ales, say, "Two ginger ales."
What's the difference?
It's simpler, that's what. It makes things go faster.
Uh, sure, Sol. Anything you say. Instead of saying, "One corned beef sandwich," and then, "Another corned beef sandwich," I'll say, "Two corned beef sandwiches."
Hey, Auggie. How's it going?
Hey, man. Good to see you. What'll it be today?
Two tins of Schimmelpennincks. And throw in a lighter while you're at it.
The boys and I were just having a philosophical discussion about women and cigars. Some interesting connections there, don't you think?
Definitely. I suppose it all goes back to Queen Elizabeth.
The Queen of England?
Seven eighty-five out of twenty. Take care of yourself now, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Are you closed?
You run out of Schimmelpennincks?
Do you think I could buy some before you leave?
Looks like someone forgot a camera.
Yeah, I did.
It's yours?
It's mine all right. I've owned that little sucker for a long time.
I didn't know you took pictures.
I guess you could call it a hobby. It doesn't take me more than about five minutes a day to do it, but I do it every day. Rain or shine, sleet or snow. Sort of like the postman. Sometimes it feels like my hobby is my real job, and my job is just a way to support my hobby.
So you're not just some guy who pushes coins across a counter.
That's what people see, but that ain't necessarily what I am.
How'd you get started?
Taking pictures? It's a long story. I'd need two or three drinks to get through that one.
A photographer ...
Well, let's not exaggerate. I take pictures. You line up what you want in the viewfinder and click the shutter. No need to mess around with all that artisto crap.
I'd like to see your pictures some day.
They're all the same.
That's right. More than four thousand pictures of the same place. The corner of 3rd Street and Seventh Avenue at eight o'clock in the morning. Four thousand straight days in all kinds of weather. That's why I can never take a vacation. I've got to be in my spot every morning. Every morning in the same spot at the same time.
I've never seen anything like it.
It's my project. What you'd call my life's work.
Amazing. I'm not sure I get it, though. I mean, how did you ever come up with the idea to do this ... this project?
I don't know, it just came to me. It's my corner, after all. It's just one little part of the world, but things happen there, too, just like everywhere else. It's a record of my little spot.
It's kind of overwhelming.
You'll never get it if you don't slow down, my friend.
What do you mean?
I mean, you're going too fast. You're hardly even looking at the pictures.
But they're all the same.
They're all the same, but each one is different from every other one. You've got your bright mornings and your dark mornings. You've got your summer light and your autumn light. You've got your weekdays and your weekends. You've got your people in overcoats and galoshes, and you've got your people in shorts and T-shirts. Sometimes the same people, sometimes different ones. And sometimes
Slow down, huh?
Yeah. There she is. She's in quite a few from that year. She must have been on her way to work.
Hey, man, good to see you.
So, what brings you to a dive like this?
It's his birthday so we decided to whoop it up a little.
Hey, Auggie, I've just been thinking. You wouldn't need some help around the store, would you? Some summer help while Vinnie's gone?
Help? Hmm. It's possible. What did you have in mind?
I'm thinking about the kid. I'm sure he'd do a good job for you.
The kid's sorry, Auggie.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry too. It took me three years to save up those five thousand bucks, and now I'm broke. I can't hardly pay for this beer. Not to speak of having my credibility destroyed. Do you understand what I'm saying? My credibility. So yeah, I'm sorry, too. About as sorry as I've ever been in my whole fucking life.
He's got something to tell you, Auggie.
Don't be an ass, Auggie. He's trying to make it up to you, can't you see that?
He's crazy.
No, he's not. You are.
You're right. I just wasn't sure you knew.
It's written all over you like a neon sign. Now say something nice to Rashid to make him feel better.
It could have been worse. If the cops hadn't come, I might not be standing here now.
Cops? You mean they nabbed those cruds?
No. The ... uh ... the Bobbsey Twins lit out when they heard the sirens. But at least they stopped playing that marimba duet on my skull. Assaultus interruptus.
Fuckus my assus. They did some number on you.
You haven't heard from Rashid, have you?
Not a peep.
I spoke to his aunt a couple of days ago, but she hasn't heard from him either. It's beginning to get a little scary.
That could be a good sign, though. It could mean that he got away.
So what did he say when he called?
Nice machine, Auggie. Where'd you find it?
It's not a long drive. An hour, an hour and a half. We'll be back in time for dinner.
Hey, man, how's it going?
Two, right?
Uh, better make it one.
You usually get two.
Yeah, I know, but I'm trying to cut down. Somebody's worried about my health.
Fine. Or it was until a couple of days ago. A guy from The New York Times called and asked me to write a Christmas story. They want to publish it on Christmas Day.
That's a feather in your cap, man. The paper of record.
Yeah, great. The problem is, I have four days to come up with something, and I don't have a single idea. You know anything about Christmas stories?
Christmas stories? Sure, I know a ton of 'em.
Anything good?
Good? Of course. Are you kidding? I'll tell you what. Buy me lunch, my friend, and I'll tell you the best Christmas story you ever heard. How's that? And I guarantee every word of it is true.
It doesn't have to be true. It just has to be good.
I have to pee. If the waiter comes, order me a corned beef on rye and a ginger ale, okay?
So. Are we ready?
Ready. Any time you are.
I'm all ears.
Okay. You remember how you once asked me how I started taking pictures? Well, this is the story of how I got my first camera. As a matter of fact, it's the only camera I've ever had. Are you following me so far?
Every word.
Did you ever go back to see her?
Once, about three or four months later. I felt so bad about stealing the camera, I hadn't even used it yet. I finally made up my mind to return it, but Granny Ethel wasn't there anymore. Someone else had moved into the apartment, and he couldn't tell me where she was.
She probably died.
Yeah, probably.
Which means that she spent her last Christmas with you.
I guess so. I never thought of it that way.
It was a good deed, Auggie. It was a nice thing you did for her.
I lied to her, and then I stole from her. I don't see how you can call that a good deed.
You made her happy. And the camera was stolen anyway. It's not as if the person you took it from really owned it.
Anything for art, eh, Paul?
I wouldn't say that. But at least you've put the camera to good use.
And now you've got your Christmas story, don't you?
What do you mean?
I mean, it's a good story.
Shit. If you can't share your secrets with your friends, what kind of friend are you?
Christ, Ruby, it's been so long. I figured you were dead.
Eighteen and a half years.
Is that all? I thought it was about three hundred.
You're looking good, Auggie.
No I'm not. I look like shit. And so do you, Ruby. You look just awful. What's with the patch, anyway? What'd you do with that old blue marble -- hock it for a bottle of gin?
I don't want to talk about it. If you really want to know. I lost it. And I'm not sorry I did. That eye was cursed, Auggie, and it never gave me nothing but grief.
And you think it looks better to go around dressed up like Captain Hook?
You always were a son-of-a-bitch, weren't you? A little weasel with a quick, dirty mouth.
At least I've stayed true to myself. Which is more than I can say about some people.
I've got something to talk to you about, and the least you can do is listen. You owe me that much. I drove all the way from Pittsburgh to see you, and I'm not going until you've heard me out.
Talk away, lady of my dreams. I'm all ears.
This is private, Auggie. Just between you and I.
All right, sugar, what's on your mind?
Don't look at me like that. Auggie. It gives me the creeps.
Like what?
Like what you're doing. I'm not going to eat you up. I need your help, and if you keep staring at me like that. I might start screaming.
Help, huh? And I don't suppose this help has anything to do with money, does it?
Don't rush me, okay? You're jumping to conclusions before I've even said anything. And besides, it's not for me. It's for our daughter.
Our daughter? Is that what you said? Our daughter? I mean, you might have a daughter, but I sure as hell don't. And even if I did -- which I don't -- she wouldn't be our daughter.
Her name is Felicity, and she just turned eighteen. She ran away from Pittsburgh last year, and now she's living in some shit-hole here in Brooklyn with a guy named Chico. Strung out on crack, four months pregnant. I can't bear to think about that baby. Our grandchild, Auggie. Just think of it. Our grandchild.
Stop it, already. Just stop all this crap right now. Was that your idea to call her Felicity?
It means "happiness."
I know what it means. That still don't make it a good name.
I don't know who else to turn to, Auggie.
You've suckered me before, darling, remember? Why should I believe you now?
Why would I lie to you, Auggie? You think it was easy to come here and walk into this place? Why would I do it if I didn't have to?
That's what you told me when I shoplifted that necklace for you. You remember, baby, don't you? The judge gave me a choice: either go to the can or enlist. So, instead of going to college, I wind up in the navy for four years, I watch men lose their arms and legs, I nearly get my head blown off, and you, sweet Ruby
You didn't write to me for more than a year. What was I supposed to think?
Yeah, well, I lost my pen. By the time I got a new one, I was clean out of paper.
It was over with Bill before you ever came home. Maybe you don't remember it now, but you were pretty hot to see me back then.
You weren't so lukewarm yourself. At least at first.
It fizzled, baby. That's the way it goes. But we had our times, didn't we? It wasn't all bad.
A couple of moments, I'll grant you that. A second or two snatched from the jaws of eternity.
And that's how Felicity came into the picture. During one of those two seconds.
You're conning me, sweetheart. I ain't responsible for no baby.
Then why do you think I married Frank? I was already pregnant, and I didn't have much time. Say what you like, but at least he gave my kid a name.
Good old Frank. And how is fat Mr. Grease Monkey these days?
Who the hell knows? He dropped out of sight fifteen years ago.
Fifteen years ago? It won't wash, pumpkin. No mother waits fifteen years to tell a man he's a father. I wasn't born yesterday, you know.
I thought I could handle it. I didn't want to bug you. I thought I could handle it on my own, but I couldn't. She's in real bad, Auggie.
Nice try, old girl. I'd like to help you out. You know, for old time's sake. But all my spare cash is tied up in a business venture, and I haven't collected my profits yet. Too bad. You caught me at the wrong time.
You're a cold-hearted bastard, aren't you? How'd you ever get so mean, Auggie?
Get in, Auggie. I've got something to show you.
You don't give up, do you?
Just get in and shut up. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just need you to come with me.
Where to?
I told her she was going to meet her father.
You what?
It was the only way, Auggie. Otherwise, she wasn't going to let me see her.
I think you'd better stop the car and let me out.
Relax, okay? You don't have to do anything. Just go in there and pretend. It won't kill you to do a little favor like that. Besides, you might even learn something.
Yeah, like what?
That I wasn't bullshitting you, sweetheart. At least you'll know I've been telling the truth.
Look, I'm not saying you don't have a daughter. It's just that she's not my daughter.
Wait till you see her, Auggie.
And what's that supposed to mean?
She looks just like you.
Cut it out. Just cut it out, okay? It's starting to get on my nerves.
Jesus Christ. This is all I need.
So you're just going to give up and go home?
I don't have much choice, do I? It's pretty clear she doesn't want me around.
Still, you can't just write her off.
Yeah? And what else am I supposed to do? There's no baby anymore, and if she wants to throw away her life, that's her business.
She's just a kid. There's time for more babies later. After she grows up.
Dream on, Auggie. She'll be lucky to make it to her nineteenth birthday.
Not if you got her into one of those rehab programs.
I'd never be able to talk her into it. And even if I could, those things cost money. And that's just what I don't have. I'm flat out dead broke.
No you're not.
Are you calling me a liar? I'm telling you I'm broke. I don't even have insurance on my goddamned car.
Remember that business venture I was telling you about? Well, my tugboat came in. I'm flush.
Bully for you.
What's this?
Why don't you open it and find out?
Jesus God, Auggie. There's money in here.
Five thousand bucks.
And you're giving it to me?
It's all yours, baby.
For keeps?
For keeps.
Fuck this angel shit. Just take the dough, Ruby. But no bawling, okay? I can't stand people who blubber.
There's just one thing I want to know.
Okay. I think everything's set. You've got the number for Cape Cod, right? Just in case something goes wrong.
No problem, Vinnie. Everything's under control. I could run this store in my sleep.
How long you been working for me, Auggie?
I don't know. Thirteen, fourteen years. Something like that.
It's pretty crazy, don't you think? I mean, a smart guy like you. What do you want to hang on to a dead-end job like this for?
I don't know. Maybe because I love you so much, boss.
Shit. You should have been married to someone by now. You know, settled down somewhere with a kid or two, a nice steady job.
I almost got married once.
Yeah, I know. To that girl who moved to Pittsburgh.
Ruby McNutt. My one true love.
Sounds like another one of your stories to me.
She upped and married some other cat after I joined the navy. By the time I got my discharge, though, she was divorced. Her husband poked out her eye in a domestic quarrel.
Lovely.
She made a play for me after I got back, but her glass eye kept interfering with my concentration. Every time we got into a clinch, I'd start thinking about that hole in her head, that empty socket with the glass eye in it. An eye that couldn't see, an eye that couldn't shed any tears. The minute I started thinking about it, Mr.
You don't take anything seriously, do you?
I try not to, anyway. It's better for your health. I mean, look at you, Vincent. You're the guy with the wife and three kids and the ranch house on Long Island. You're the guy with the white shoes and the white Caddy and the white shag carpet. But you've had two heart attacks, and I'm still waiting for my first.
I should stop smoking these damn things is what I should do. The fuckers are going to kill me one day.
Enjoy it while you can, Vin. Pretty soon, they're going to legislate us out of business anyway.
They catch you smoking tobacco, they'll stand you up against a wall and shoot you.
Tobacco today, sex tomorrow. In three or four years, it'll probably be against the law to smile at strangers.
Speaking of which, are you still going ahead with that deal on the Montecristos?
It's all set. My guy in Miami said he'd have them within the next few weeks. Are you sure you don't want to go in with me? Five thousand dollars outlay, a guaranteed ten-thousand-dollar return. A consortium of Court Street lawyers and judges. They're just drooling to get their lips around some genuine Cuban cigars.
No thanks. I don't care what you do, but just make sure you don't get caught, okay? The last I heard, it was still illegal to sell Cuban cigars in this country.
It's the law that's buying. That's what's so beautiful about it. I mean, when was the last time you heard of a judge sending himself to jail?
Suit yourself. But don't keep the boxes around here long.
They come in, they go out. I've got it planned to the last detail.
I've got to get moving. Terry will bust my chops if I'm late. See you in September, Auggie.
Seventeen.
Seventeen? I remember when I was seventeen. Christ, I was one little whacked-out son-of-a-bitch when I was seventeen. Is that what you are, son? One little whacked-out crazy fella?
Definitely. I'd say you've hit the nail on the head.
A job? I definitely wouldn't turn down a job.
Come around to the cigar store tomorrow morning at ten o'clock and we'll talk about it, okay? We'll see what we can work out.
I'll be back in about an hour. Watch the register while I'm gone, okay?
A little. Not much.
It's for you.
For me? And what am I supposed to do with a paper bag?
Open it.
What is this, some kind of joke?
No, it's five thousand dollars.
Shit. I don't want your money, you little twerp. It's probably stolen anyway.
What do you care where it comes from? It's yours.
And why the hell would you give me money?
So I can get my job back.
Your job? You've got five thousand bucks. What do you want a piece-of-shit job like that for?
To look at the dirty magazines. I can see all the naked women I want, and it doesn't cost me a cent.
Come on, come on, you yellow belly. The whole thing. First name and last name.
How'd you do out there, Jimmy?
Good, Auggie. Real good. All finished.
It'll never be finished.
Huh?
That's how it is with sidewalks. People come, people go, and they all drop shit on the ground. As soon as you clean up one spot and move on to the next, the first spot is dirty again.
Sure, Auggie, I got it. The store's closed. And when do I tell them it's open?
When I tell you it's open. It's open when I tell you it's open!
... If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Do you understand what I'm saying? You never know what's going to happen next, and the moment you think you know, that's the moment you don't know a goddamn thing. That's what we call a paradox. Are you following me?
Sure, Auggie. I follow. When you don't know nothing, it's like paradise. I know what that is. It's after you're dead and you go up to heaven and sit with the angels.
Does it hurt?
Of course it hurts. What does it look like?
They don't come cheap, son. These little honeys are works of art. Rolled by hand in a tropical climate, most likely by an eighteen year old girl in a thin cotton dress with no underwear on. Little beads of sweat forming in her naked cleavage. The smooth, delicate fingers nimbly turning out one masterpiece after another...
And how much are these?
Seventy-eight dollars. The girl who rolled these was probably wearing panties.
And these?
Fifty-six. That girl had on a corset.
And these?
Forty-four. They're on special this week from the Canary Islands. A real bargain.
I think I'll take them.
A good choice. You wouldn't want to celebrate the birth of your firstborn with a box of stinkers, would you? Remember to keep them in the refrigerator until you hand them out.
The refrigerator?
It'll keep them fresh. If they get too dry, they'll break. And you don't want that to happen, do you? Tobacco is a plant, and it needs the same loving care you'd give an orchid.
Thanks for the tip.
Any time. And congratulations to you and your wife. Just remember, though, in the immortal words of Rudyard Kipling: "A woman is just a woman, but a cigar is a smoke.
What does that mean?
Is your name Paul Benjamin?
What can I do for you?
I just want to know what your game is, mister, that's all.
How the hell did you get into the building?
What do you mean, how'd I get in? I pushed the door and walked in. What do you think?
The damn lock's broken again. And so you just barge in on strangers, is that what you do? Is that your game?
I'm looking for my nephew, Thomas.
Thomas? Who's Thomas?
Don't give me any of that. I know he's been here. You can't fool me, mister.
I'm telling you. I don't know anyone named Thomas.
Thomas Cole. Thomas Jefferson Cole. My nephew.
You mean Rashid?
Rashid? Rashid! Is that what he told you his name was?
Well, whatever his name is, he's not here anymore. He left two days ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
And what was he doing here in the first place? That's what I want to know. What's a man like you messing around with a black boy like Thomas for? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?
Look, lady, that's enough. If you don't calm down. I'm going to throw you out. Do you hear me? Right now!
I just want to know where he is.
As far as I know, he went back to his parents.
His parents? Is that what he told you? His parents?
That's what he said. He told me he lived with his mother and father on East Seventy-fourth Street.
I always knew that boy had an imagination, but now he's gone and made up a whole new life for himself. Do you mind if I sit down? He's been living with me and his uncle Henry since he was a baby. And we don't live in Manhattan. We live in Boerum Hill. In the projects.
He doesn't go to the Trinity School?
He goes to John Jay High School in Brooklyn.
And his parents?
His mother's dead, and he hasn't seen his father in twelve years.
I shouldn't have let him go.
Which brings me back to my original question. What was he doing here in the first place?
I was about to get run over by a car, and your nephew pulled me back. He saved my life. I sensed he was in trouble, so I offered to put him up for a few days. Maybe I should have pressed him a little more, I don't know. I feel pretty stupid about it now.
He's in trouble, all right. But I don't have any idea what it is.
Do you want something to drink? A beer? A glass of water?
No thank you.
Has anything happened lately? Anything unusual or unexpected?
Well, one thing I suppose, but I don't think it has anything to do with this. A friend of mine called about two weeks ago and said she'd spotted Thomas's father working at some gas station outside of Peekskill.
And you told your nephew about it?
I figured he had a right to know.
And?
And nothing. Thomas looked at me straight in the eye and said, "I don't have a father. As far as I'm concerned, that son-of-a-bitch is dead."
His father walked out on his mother a couple of months after he was born. Louisa was Henry's younger sister, and she and the baby moved in with us. Four or five years go by, and then one day Cyrus shows up out of the blue, tail between his legs, wanting to patch things up with Louisa. I thought Henry was going to tear
You mean she just ran off with him and left her little boy behind?
Don't put words in my mouth. What I'm saying is she drove off in Cyrus's car and went to the Five-Spot Lounge with him for a drink. What I'm saying is that he imbibed too much in the way of alcohol and that when they finished their little talk three hours later and got back in the car, he was in no shape to
Jesus.
Jesus had nothing to do with it. If He'd been involved. He would have seen to it that things worked out the opposite from what they did.
It can't have been easy on him. Walking around with that on his conscience all these years.
No, I don't suppose it has. He was broken up like nobody's business in that hospital when he found out Louisa was dead.
And he's never tried to get in touch with his son?
You going to sit here all day?
I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
Why don't you pick some other spot? It gives a man the creeps to be stared at all morning.
It's a free country, isn't it? As long as I'm not trespassing on your property. I can stay here till kingdom come.
Let me give you some useful information, son. There's two dollars and fifty-seven cents in that cash register over there and considering all the time you've put in casing the joint so far, you won't make but about fifty cents an hour for all your pains. However you slice it, that's a losing proposition.
I'm not going to rob you, mister. Do I look like a thief?
I don't know what you look like, boy. As far as I can tell, you sprouted up like a mushroom in this spot last night. You live in this town -- or on your way from here to there?
Just passing through.
Just passing through. A lonesome traveler with a knapsack on his back plops himself across from my garage to admire the view. There's other places to roam, kid, that's all I'm saying. You don't want to make a nuisance of yourself.
I'm working on a sketch. That old garage of yours is so rundown, it's kind of interesting.
It's rundown, all right. But drawing a picture won't improve the way it looks. Let's see what you did, Rembrandt.
It'll cost you five bucks.
Five bucks! You mean you're going to charge me five bucks just to look at it?
Once you look at it, you're going to want to buy it from me. That's guaranteed. And that's the price: five bucks. So if you're not willing to spring for it, you might as well not bother to look. It'll just tear you up inside and make you miserable.
Son-of-a-bitch. You're some piece of work, aren't you?
I just tell it like it is, mister. If I'm getting on your nerves, though, you might want to think about hiring me.
Do you have eyes in your head, or are those brown things bulging out of your sockets just marbles? You've been sitting here all day, and how many cars have you seen drive up and ask for gas?
Not a one.
Not a one. Not one customer all day. I bought this broken-down shit-hole of a place three weeks ago, and if business don't pick up soon, I'm going straight down the skids. What do I want to be hiring someone for? I can't even pay my own wages.
It was just a thought.
I'll tell you what. You want to work. I'll give you a job. Nothing permanent, mind you, but that upstairs room over there -- the one above the office -- is a hell of a mess. It looks like they've been throwing junk in there for twenty years, and it's time it got cleaned up.
What's your offer?
Five bucks an hour. That's the going rate, isn't it? It's a quarter past two now. My wife's picking me up at five-thirty, so that'll give you about three hours. If you can't finish today, you can do the rest tomorrow.
Is there a benefits package, or are you hiring me on a freelance basis?
Benefits?
You know, health insurance, dental plan, paid vacation. It's not fun being exploited. Workers have to stand up for their rights.
I'm afraid we'll be working on a strictly freelance basis.
Five dollars an hour? I'll take it.
The name is Cyrus Cole.
I don't mean to be nosy, but I was wondering what happened to your arm.
An ugly piece of hardware, isn't it? I'll tell you what happened to my arm. I'll tell you what happened. Twelve years ago, God looked down on me and said, "Cyrus, you're a bad, stupid, selfish man. First of all, I'm going to fill your body with spirits, and then I'm going to put you behind the wheel of a car, and then I'm
And have you mended them?
I don't know. I try. Every day I keep on trying, but it's no easy task for a man to change his nature. I'm off the booze, though. Haven't had a drop in six years. And now I've got me a wife. Doreen. Best damned woman I've ever known. And a little boy, too. Cyrus Junior. So things have definitely improved since I got
You named the kid after yourself, huh?
It's only temporary. On a freelance basis.
And this one, in case you haven't guessed, is Junior.
Hi there, little brother.
That's funny. His name is the same as yours.
Well, you and Junior have the same name, too, don't you?
Yeah, but he's my son. Nothing strange about that. He's my own flesh and blood. But here you got the same name as this man here, and you're not even the same color.
Thomas.
Paul. Rashid. Thomas. Which one is it?
Thomas Cole. My name is Thomas Jefferson Cole.
I don't like this. I don't like it one bit.
Louisa Vail. Remember her, Cyrus?
Yeah? Who is it?
Well?
Well what?
Aren't you going to say anything?
What do you want me to say?
I don't know. Hello, Mom. Hello, Dad. Something like that.
Be nice, sweetie. We're just here to help you.
You can do whatever you want with your own life. We're thinking of the baby, that's all. We want you to get yourself cleaned up for the baby. Before it's too late.
Baby? And what baby is that?
Your baby. The baby you're carrying around inside you.
Yeah, well, there ain't no baby in there now. You dig? There's nothing in there now.
What are you talking about?
I'll tell you why they're not going anywhere.
Yeah? And why is that?
Okay, joke about it. I don't give a shit.
Jesus, Tommy, it ain't science, you know. You got your good trades and your bad trades. That's how it works.
Sure. He's the guy who threw his cloak down over the puddle.
Of course there's gonna be a war. You think they'd send five hundred thousand troops over there just to lie in the sun? I mean, there's plenty of beach, but not a hell of a lot of water. Half a million soldiers. It ain't no seaside holiday, you can bet on that.
Hey, Jimmy. You got the time?
Huh?
You still have that watch Auggie gave you?
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
So what's the time?
Watch out, man. You'll get yourself killed like that.
I can't believe I did that ... Christ. I'm walking around in a fog ...
No harm done. Everything's okay now. I've got to be going.
No, wait. You can't just walk off. You saved my life.
I just happened to be there. The right place at the right time.
I owe you something.
It's okay, mister. No big deal.
Yes it is. It's a law of the universe. If I let you walk away, the moon will spin out of orbit ... pestilence will reign over the city for a hundred years.
Well, if you put it that way...
You have to let me do something for you to put the scales in balance.
That's all right. If I think of something, I'll send my butler over to tell you.
Come on. At least let me buy you a cup of coffee.
I don't drink coffee. On the other hand, since you insist, if you offered me a cold lemonade. I wouldn't say no.
Good. Lemonade it is. I'm Paul.
Are you sure you don't want some food to go along with it? It might help to absorb some of that liquid. You don't want to slosh around too much when you stand up.
That's okay. I've already had lunch.
You must eat lunch pretty early. It's only eleven o'clock.
I mean breakfast.
Yeah, sure, and I bet you had lobster last night. Along with two bottles of champagne.
Just one bottle. I believe in moderation.
Look, kid, it's okay with me. You don't have to play games. If you want a hamburger or something, go ahead and order it.
Well, maybe just one. To be polite.
Mostly what.
You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I might be able to help.
You don't know me from a hole in the wall.
That's true. But I also owe you something, and I'm not sure that buying you a hamburger is going to do the job. What is it? Family problems? Money problems?
Oh no. Momsie and Popsie have oodles.
And where do Momsie and Popsie live?
East Seventy-fourth Street.
In Manhattan?
Of course. Where else?
Then what are you doing in Park Slope? It's a little far from home, isn't it?
That's where the what comes in.
The what?
The what. I've kind of run away from home, you see. It has nothing to do with my parents or money. I saw something I wasn't supposed to see, and for the time being it's best that I keep myself out of sight.
Here and there. Around.
Uh-huh. One of those cozy bed and breakfast places, probably.
Yeah, that's right.
Except that there's no bed, is there? And no breakfast either.
The material world is an illusion. It doesn't matter if they're there or not. The world is in my head.
But your body is in the world, isn't it? If someone offered you a place to stay, you wouldn't necessarily refuse, would you?
People don't do that kind of thing. Not in New York.
I'm not "people." I'm just me. And I do whatever I goddamn want to do. Got it?
Thanks, but I'll manage.
In case you're wondering, I like women, not little boys. And I'm not offering you a long-term lease -- just a place to crash for a couple of nights.
I can take care of myself. Don't worry.
I didn't expect to see you again.
That's it. Just the two rooms.
This is the first house I've been in without a TV.
I used to have one, but it broke a couple of years ago and I never got around to replacing it. I'd just as soon not have one anyway. I hate those damn things.
But then you don't get to watch the ball games. You told me you were a Mets fan.
I listen on the radio. I can see the games just fine that way. The world is in your head, remember?
Nice drawing. Did you do that?
My father did. Believe it or not, that little baby is me.
Yeah, I can believe it.
It's strange, though, isn't it? Looking at yourself before you knew who you were.
Is your father an artist?
No, he was a schoolteacher. But he liked to dabble.
He's dead?
Twelve, thirteen years ago. Actually, he died with his sketch pad open on his lap. Up in the Berkshires one weekend, drawing a picture of Mount Greylock.
Drawing's a good thing.
Is that what you do? Draw pictures?
Time to wake up. Hey, kid, time to wake up. Rashid! Up and out. I have to work in here. The slumber party is over.
What time is it?
Eight-thirty.
Eight-thirty?
Jesus, do you make a lot of noise. Can't you see I'm trying to work?
I'm sorry. They just... they just slipped out of my hands.
A little less clumsiness around here would be nice, don't you think?
I'm a teenager. All teenagers are clumsy. It's because we're still growing. We don't know where our bodies end and the world begins.
The world is going to end pretty soon if you don't learn fast. Look, why not make yourself useful? I'm just about out of smokes. Go around the corner to the Brooklyn Cigar Company and buy me two tins of Schimmelpenninck Medias.
Twenty dollars is a lot of money. Are you sure you can trust me with it? I mean, aren't you afraid I might steal it?
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry... I was trying to reach for one of the books up there ... And then, I don't know, the sky fell on top of me.
It just won't do, will it? I go two and a half years without being able to write a word, and then, when I finally get started on something, when it looks as though I might actually be coming to life again, you show up and start breaking everything in my house. It just won't do, will it?
I didn't ask to come here. You invited me, remember? If you want me to leave, all you have to do is say so.
How long have you been here?
Three nights.
And how long did I tell you you could stay?
Two or three nights.
It sounds like our time is up, doesn't it?
I'm sorry I messed up. You've been very kind to me ... But all good things have to come to an end, right?
No hard feelings, okay? It's a small place, and I can't get my work done with you around.
You don't have to apologize. The coast is probably clear now anyway.
Are you going to be all right?
Absolutely. The world is my oyster. Whatever that means.
Do you need some money? Some extra clothes?
Not a penny, not a stitch. I'm cool, man.
Take good care of yourself, okay?
Hey, it's you.
I wanted to give you this as a token of my appreciation.
Appreciation for what?
I don't know. For helping me out.
Where did you get that thing?
I bought it. Twenty-nine ninety-five on sale at Goldbaum's TV and Radio. Well, that just about takes care of it, I guess. You'll be able to watch the ball games. You know, as a little break from your work.
Where the hell do you think you're going?
Business appointment. I'm seeing my broker at three o'clock.
Cut it out, will you? Just cut it out and come back here.
I don't have much time.
Close the door. Sit down in that chair. Now listen carefully. Your Aunt Em came here a couple of days ago. She was sick with worry, out of her mind. We had an interesting talk about you, Thomas. Do you understand what I'm saying? Your aunt thinks you're in trouble and so do I. Tell me about it, kid. I want to hear all
You don't really want to know.
I don't, huh? And what makes you such an authority on what I want or don't want?
Okay, okay. It's all so stupid. There's this guy, see. Charles Clemm. The Creeper, that's what people call him. The kind of guy you don't want to cross paths with.
And?
I crossed paths with him. That's why I'm trying to stay clear of my neighborhood. To make sure I don't run into him again.
I just happened to be walking by... All of a sudden, the Creeper and this other guy come running out of this check-cashing place with masks on their faces and guns in their hands... They just about ran smack into me. The Creeper recognized me, and I knew he knew I recognized him... If the guy from the check-cashing place hadn't rushed out then
Why don't you go to the police?
You're joking, right? I mean, that's your way of trying to be funny, right?
If they put this Creeper in jail, then you'd be safe.
The man has friends. And they're not likely to forgive me if I testify against him.
What makes you think you'll be any safer around here? It's only about a mile away from where you live.
It might not be far, but it's another galaxy. Black is black and white is white, and never the twain shall meet.
It looks like they've met in this apartment.
That's because we don't belong anywhere. You don't fit into your world, and I don't fit into mine. We're the outcasts of the universe.
Maybe. Or maybe it's the other people who don't belong.
Let's not get too idealistic.
Ah, coffee. Smells good.
One sip of this stuff and your eyes will blast open.
Thanks.
What time did you get to bed last night?
I don't know. Two or three. It was pretty late.
You work too hard, you know that?
Once a story gets hold of you, it's hard to let go. Besides, I'm making up for lost time.
Just so you don't overdo it. You don't want to die of sleep deprivation before you finish.
If you don't sleep, you don't dream. If you don't dream, you don't have nightmares.
That's logical. And if you don't sleep, you don't need a bed. Saves you money, too. So what's this story you're working on, anyway?
If I tell you, I might not be able to finish it.
Come on, just a little hint.
Okay, just a little hint. I can't tell you the story, but I'll tell you what gave me the idea for it.
The inspiration.
Yeah, right. The inspiration. It's a true story anyway, so I don't suppose it can hurt, can it?
No way.
All right. Listen carefully. About twenty-five years ago, a young man went skiing alone in the Alps. There was an avalanche, the snow swallowed him up, and his body was never recovered.
The end.
Celebrate? What for?
It's my birthday. I'm seventeen years old as of forty-seven minutes ago, and I think I should celebrate having made it this far.
Hey, hey. Happy birthday. Why didn't you tell me?
I just did.
Here we are. Rembrandt's drawings. Edward Hopper. Van Gogh's letters.
Uh, actually, I tend to shy away from that kind of thing.
Yes, an invitation. I apologize for springing it on you at the last minute, but Mr. Benjamin and I are attending a celebration tonight, and we would be most pleased if you chose to accompany us. Isn't that right, Mr. Benjamin?
It's 1942, right? And he's caught in Leningrad during the siege. I'm talking about one of the worst moments in human history. Five hundred thousand people died in that one place, and there's Bakhtin, holed up in an apartment, expecting to be killed any day. He has plenty of tobacco, but no paper to roll it in. So he takes the pages of a
His only copy?
His only copy. I mean, if you think you're going to die, what's more important, a good book or a good smoke? And so he huffed and he puffed, and little by little he smoked his book.
Nice try. You had me going for a second, but no ... no writer would ever do a thing like that. Would he?
I don't know.
Is it yours?
Yeah, it might be.
So you're saying it wasn't like that at all.
Not exactly. I mean, there was more to it than I told you.
Christ. You didn't just see what happened. They dropped the package on the ground and you picked it up.
Yeah, I picked it up.
And started to run.
And started to run.
Good thinking.
That's just it. I didn't think. I just did it.
You have one hell of a knack for getting into trouble, don't you? So how much does it come to?
Six thousand dollars. Five thousand eight hundred and fourteen dollars, to be exact.
So you robbed the robbers, and now the robbers are after you.
That's it. In a nutshell.
Yeah, well, you have to be nuts to do what you did. If you want my opinion, you should give this money back to the Creeper. Just give it back and tell him you're sorry.
No way. There's no way I'm giving that money back. It's my money now.
A lot of good it will do you if the Creeper finds you.
That money is my whole future.
So you lost the job. Is that what you're telling me? He just up and fired you?
It was more complicated than that. There was a reason.
Well?
It wasn't my fault.
If you don't tell me what happened, how do you expect me to know that? I need facts, not opinions.
Cuban cigars. You mean he had some hanky-panky going with those guys?
I suppose so. He never told me about it.
No wonder he was angry.
Here's what you're going to do. You're going to open up your backpack, take out your bag of money, count out five thousand dollars, and hand it over to Auggie.
What are you talking about? You can't be serious.
I'm serious, all right. You've got to square it with Auggie. Since you won't give the money back to the Creeper, you can use it to make things right with Auggie. That's probably better anyway. Better to keep your friends than to worry about your enemies.
I'm not going to do it.
You'll do it, all right. You fuck up, you've got to undo the damage. That's how it works, buster. If you don't do it, I'm going to throw you out of here. Do you understand me? If you don't pay Auggie what you owe him. I'm finished with you.
I pay Auggie, and I've got nothing. Eight hundred bucks and a ticket to Shit City.
Fuck you, too, you white son-of-a-bitch.
Hi, kid.
Wow. They sure did a job on you.
We came here to deliver some clean laundry.
If it doesn't make any difference, why not just say it?
Like it or not, Cyrus, that's my name. Cole. Just like yours.
Yeah, give him another one. And I'll take a cup of coffee while you're at it.
Hot coffee or iced coffee?
Do you have real iced coffee, or do you just pour hot coffee over some ice cubes?
I'll take the iced coffee. You only live once, right?
If you're lucky. Then again, it depends on what you call living.
How do you want that cooked?
Medium rare, please.
Fries?
Yes, please.
Lettuce and tomato?
Yes, please.
Don't know how long it's take to get a charge...
Seven acres. I'm wonderin' what you'd pay for 'em. Just curious, is all.
The battery's in, that's done with. Besides, you'd do the same for m...
I am a bastard. I'm a big Hun Nazi son of a bitch. And I still got your bamboo fishing rod.
Oh, yeh?
$1200 an acre, that's what I paid Ole, won't take a dime less. You got no choice on that.
So the blood on the gaff was not fish blood at all. It was <u>human</u>, yes? Type B positive.
But you can't say with any certainty that the blood was his.
No, but as I say, the type is rare. Ten percent of Caucasian males.
And the blood could <u>not</u> have belonged to defendant. Seeing that his type is O negative.
That's obvious.
Bits of blood and wood. What else would there be?
No bits of bone, no particles of scalp, no strands of hair?
None.
Well, if the blood got <u>onto</u> the gaff by crushing a man's skull...
I don't know.
With no bone or scalp or hair present. Would it be more probable that the blood came from crushing a man's skull...
I'm a hemotologist, not a detective.
Him and his folks and two brothers and two sisters worked our land. Lived in a picker's cabin at first.
So the defendant knew the deceased, your son, even then.
But back in '34, Japanese-born could not <u>own</u> land. So...?
Carl held it <u>for</u> 'em. Called it a lease. They make payments every June and December...
Why? If they could never take title.
Now defendant's father had also died by that point. Where was the defendant? When you sent his family their equity.
And when he came home. Did he write you about this? Or phone, perhaps.
What do you mean by 'dirty looks'?
Well. Every time I see him in town or somewhere, he's starin' at me with these narrow eyes. Givin' me his mean face.
When your son came back from the war, what did he say about all this?
That he'd keep an eye on Miyamoto. Watch out for him.
Just three questions. The Miyamoto family bought your seven acres for $4500?
Tried to. Defaulted on their payments.
Second question. What did Ole Jurgensen pay you per acre?
A thousand.
So that makes what would have been $4500 into $7000, doesn't it? If you sent the equity back, you had a profit of $2500.
Is that your third question?
It is.
Now, Mister Gi...
Now if you wanted to kill a man. Think you'd try boarding against his will, and hitting him with a fishing gaff?
It's a joke. Maneuver up to Carl's boat? Tie your lines fast? Come aboard? All against Carl's will? It's the stupidest suggestion I ever heard of.
So the fishing gaff method wouldn't make sense?
Now the sheriff believed that the D-6 battery in Carl's well was Carl's own spare. Even though it was too large f...
Boat has two batteries. Lose one you run off the other til morning. Carl musta lost both, so Miyamoto there gave him one a his.
Course, if Carl lost both batteries, dead in the water, his radio wouldn't work. So how would he signal for help?
Compressed air horn, most likely. Hope to God some man hears you in that fog.
You mean Miyamoto followed him out there, and sucker-punched him?
Well, what if?
Thank you, Mr. Gillanders. Thank you for coming down, in this cold weather.
I said 'excited'. Not agitated, he was excited in the sense of being overjoyed.
You were...overjoyed yourself, to hear the news?
Happy for him. And relieved.
We hear how Carl...passed away. Only a few hours later.
Your husband returned at, what, seven o'clock?
Closer to eight.
You thought the deceased might... break his promise?
Of course not. We're just not quick to run and boast. In case something went wrong.
Yes, and then, what was there to call about? Everything was up in the air.
We discussed that. And decided not to.
Because the facts could be misconstrued as murder.
Trials aren't only about truth, Mr. Hooks. Even though they should be. They're about what people <u>believe</u> is true.
So you hid the truth. Deliberately.
We were afraid. Silence seemed better. To come forward seemed like a mistake.
Doesn't it seem to <u>you</u>, Mrs. Miyamoto, that your mistake was in being deceitful? Concealing information during the course of a sheriff's investigation.
Question withdrawn, you may step down.
You're implying th...
He's still got a good grip. We need to dig more.
I told myself that was good. That it made our friendship special. And didn't mean she was ashamed of it. Necessarily.
The best part was that there was a 'this'. To debate the wrongness of.
Your friends would. Your dad would kill me with a machete.
My mom. Would be the problem.
I can just feel my spirits soar.
There can't be any wrong in this, Ha...
My father can't get our money from the bank. We have a few dol...
It's just Pearl Harbor. People are a little crazy, right n...
We all expect the world to be fair. As if we have some right t...
I couldn't say anything. I just stood there, hating her.
I'm sorry about your arm. Kabuo and I. Are very sor...
I'm married, Ishmael. It isn't right for us to be alone. People will t...
You have to hear this, I can never touch you, Ishmael. Not once, not ever. There's no half- way. As much as I know it hurts you, you have to let this go.
Did you write that column?
I did. But the jury won't s...
You don't believe in God anymore.
I felt Milholland's report in my pocket. And wondered why I wasn't telling her. Telling someone. What I'd found.
They only arrested that poor soul because he's Japanese.
They're not his neighbor, like you are. He is a husband, a father, he risked his <u>life</u> for <u>their</u> country. The same as you.
Your father fought at Belleau Wood, it took him years to get over it. Nightmares, tears, b...
They were Japanese-American boys, yes sir.
And you were generally experienced in training men for hand-to-hand combat.
It was my specialty, sir, I trained several thousand over the years.
So. Wide cross-section of men to evaluate. And the day that the defendant volunteered for this... demonstration. Did you find him eager?
Well, what then, sergeant?
And your evaluation of the defendant? Could he kill a much larger man with a fishing gaff? So quickly, there would be no sign of struggle?
And you weren't there, when the coroner examined the wound.
So, no...immediate suspicion, no...general talk of enmity between the two.
...comes off third cleat from the stern, port side. And it's brand new. Unlike the rest.
And the next one...?
From Carl Heine's boat. All his were like this one, three-strand manila, new condition, braided in loops. Not bowlined like Miyamoto's.
And the last...?
So if defendant had tied up to deceased's boat. With that last one. Would those cleats have lined up?
You bet. And if Miyamoto there had been in a hurry to cast off, he coulda left this line behind on Carl's boat.
And replaced it later with the new one. That's your inference?
...so when the sheriff returned, you showed him the injury to the deceased's head.
Did you say more?
I said that if I was playing Sherlock Holmes...I'd maybe look for a... Japanese person. With a bloody gun- butt. A right-handed fella, to be precise.
Well, I was a doctor in the Jap theater, in the war. I saw those kendo wounds, <u>many</u> times. Looked exactly like this one.
Could you tell me what 'kendo' is?
As peculiar as a struggle between a 235 pound man, and an assailant strong enough to subdue him...that leaves only a <u>single</u> overturned <u>cup</u> in its wake?
Objection, asking the witness to speculate.
Objection. Asking witness to speculate about deceased's state of mind.
You're a hard man to trust, sir. You sit before us, with no expression, keeping a poker f...
Your Honor, <u>all</u> of this is speculation. Including Mr. Hooks' dramaturgy about the defendant issuing a false distress call.
Maybe it went. Where Carl went. Over the side.
<u>Everything</u> had to happen <u>just</u> right. For your little story to fly. I mean, a blond hair could be on that gunnel for a <u>lot</u> of reasons.
Well, the freighter. The twine. The blood. The knife. The cup. The watch. The second battery. The phantom lantern. The fishing gaff. The cracked gunnel. The skull wound. The blond hair. That's <u>eleven</u> things...
And since you confess this is all pure guesswork. What is your expertise, sir, are you a detective of sorts?
Then putting them together. So truth is revealed.
But isn't the <u>truth</u> that there are <u>several</u> other ways to explain <u>each</u> of these twelve pieces.
Your line of work. You must meet a lot of men play fast and loose with the truth.
Greedy.
I asked you a question, you're writing a tract, h...
And I wouldn't blame these good people if they were a mite resent- ful. At a tactic that insults their intelligence.
That's curious. I was <u>appealing</u> to their intelligence.
<u>Were</u> you, sir? Can you <u>prove</u> one word of all your fancy story?
Robbed. He was angry.
Mr. Jurgensen. Did he offer to <u>buy</u> the seven acres from you?
Oh, yeh. But this is nine year ago, I had my healt, I wasn't wantin' to sell.
And then your stroke came this summer. And you put your property on the market, I believe you said September 7. Which, remember, is <u>eight</u> days before Carl Heine died. And who comes Spetember 7, wanting to buy?
But Carl was a fisherman. And successful at it.
As my wife testified, we were considering it.
Sheriff said right off, I was under suspicion. I didn't have a lawyer...
Yes. Initially.
I should have told everything right away. I know that now, and I regret it.
My apologies. Do you regret not telling the truth?
I have told the truth.
I see. Now what happened the day Carl Heine was found? Before your arrest.
I slept til one-thirty, when my wife woke me up with the news. We talked for a few hours. I left at six and went straight to my boat.
Didn't go anywhere else? No errands, no purchases? Just straight to the boat. That's the truth.
Well, the sheriff found <u>two</u> batteries in your well. If you left one with Carl Heine, how is that possible?
You have the night watch? On the radio.
And you keep the records, or contribute to 'em.
How long you have this detail?
You mean, early morning the 16th?
They got transferred that day. Out to Cape Flattery.
I did. Boy.
You said three minutes.
Never shoulda given you that inventory in the first place.
Here now, what are you fixin' to do?
You gonna climb that with one arm?
It's on the twine, too. But it's not r...
It's the way it happened, I know it is.
This tastes horrible, hmmn?
You're wondering why I held it.
Your daddy. Was quite a feller.
He's looking down. And he's not thinking 'bout the man you were yesterday. He's proud of the man you are tonight. That's what counts.
Tell us why that lantern would be so significant.
Now you believe there were <u>two</u> lanterns when defendant arrived. One in Carl's hand. The second lashed to the mast.
That's what Mr. Miyamoto reported, and he'd have no reason to lie. He couldn't know that it would help his case.
Well, why does it?
That's when he fell.
Miyamoto gave him the battery, and left. Carl's boat was running, he goes back to fishing. But at some point, he thinks of the lantern...
Still lashed to the mast.
He figures a perfectly good lantern could get banged around up there. So he climbs up. To cut it down.
Just as the freighter comes through? Isn't that quite a coincidence?
Coincidences happen. You run a yellow light <u>just</u> as a car comes out of nowhere. Split-second tragedy happens every day. Or maybe...
Maybe...?
Maybe Carl picks up something about the freighter on his radio, which is now working. Same report Milholland heard. And <u>that</u> makes him get the lantern fast. Before the freighter's wake can bang it around.
But you <u>could</u> be wrong. He <u>could</u> have climbed up earlier.
Then where's the lantern? And where's the knife?
Still a coincidence. Timing and all.
Still and all. Carl was a strong swimmer, he m...
You think so?
The sheriff and the deputy and I inspected the deck closely. We found a small fracture in the wood of the gunnel. Just below the mast.
Cigarette?
If I whistle. Those boys'll see you, and come runnin'. <u>You're</u> the story today.
You ever been strangled by a single hand?
We don't let go, you s...
What for, Sheriff?
You always run with the well open?
See you replaced a mooring line, lately. This one's new.
Naw, I had that around for a while.
You gaff with the <u>hook</u> end. Blood's on the butt. Where your hand goes.
Sheriff, I can't afford not to fish toni...
What makes you think I play?
White or black?
You must think I like losing.
Bet there's a few things you could teach me. Kendo, for one.
You wouldn't even see it move.
Now this jury is gonna be lookin' at the evidence with one eye. And at you with the oth...
So every time you think about showing that jury strength. Or honor or composure. Or dignity.
And what's that?
I'm more a hot-blooded killer, huh? Like a soldier. Like a samurai.
You want me to say that.
You think that <u>is</u> the truth.
I told your wife. Trials aren't always so much about actual truth. As about what folks <u>believe</u> is true. That's sad. And it's real.
Maybe the assailant straightened the cabin. And forgot the cup.
Right. In the middle. Of the floor.
I think you testified <u>all</u> the lights were on. Cabin, mast, net lights, picking lights...
Yessir, there'd been real heavy fog.
And yet you started the engine right up. With all those lights drawing all night, the batteries had that much charge. Did that strike you odd?
Didn't think about it at the time. So no, it didn't strike me odd.
Does it now?
A little. Yes. You have to wonder.
You found three batteries, you say. A D-6 and D-8 in the well. And a spare D-8 on the cabin floor. Correct?
It is.
Now I did some measuring down at the chandlery. A D-6 is one inch wider than a D-8. It would be too large for the deceased's well.
He's done some on-the-spot refit- ting. You could see the side flange was banged away to make room for the D-6.
But he had a spare D-6, you said. Right there. Why not use that?
Sheriff, how many batteries and what size did you find on <u>defendant's</u> boat?
Two D-6's. That's the kind his well was fitted for.
No spare.
No.
So the defendant went out fishing for the night with <u>no</u> spare battery, hmmn?
Apparently.
I believe so.
Is it possible his head struck the transom, or the stern gunnel, or the net roller, as you were bringing him in?
I don't think so.
You don't. <u>Think</u> so.
He was heavy, but we were real careful. But I don't remember him hitting anything, anywhere.
Operating this winch you'd rarely operated before, doing this awkward job of bringing in a drowned man of 235 pounds...is it <u>possible</u>. Possible that he struck his head <u>after</u> death. Possible?
How <u>is</u> your mother-in-law?
She's alright, Nels, thanks for asking.
And her farmhouse...?
One D-6 and one D-8 in the well. And a dead D-8 on the deck.
Which you inferred was replaced by the D-6, which must have been a spare.
What else could it be?
Even though a D-6 is too big, and the flange had to be banged out to squeeze it in. Which makes it a peculiar choice. For a spare.
So this...foam you found in the lungs. How does it get there?
That's <u>why</u> the autopsy report identifies <u>drowning</u> as the cause of death.
Meaning that he wasn't murdered first, say on the deck of the boat, and then thrown overboard.
Well...
In your motorcycle example. Those injuries are produced by the head being propelled <u>against</u> an object. Rather than the reverse, yes?
Obviously.
Can you tell whether an object moved against the head, or the other way around? Or would both look the same.
The same.
So if his head struck something narrow and flat, the gunnel of a boat, a net roller, a fairlead, could that have...
If the head was moving fast enough, but I don't see how it could be.
Is it possible?
Sure, anything's poss...
Is it fair to say that you do not know for <u>certain</u> which it was.
I already said that, b...
For certain, no.
But you are <u>certain</u> that he died by drowning.
Can I say something, here?
Yes, you can tell me about the minor cut you found on the deceased's right hand. The report says 'recent origin'. How recent? As much as 24 hours before death?
Are you absol...
So your husband said he's think it over. Encouraged Mr. Miyamoto to believe he might sell to h...
I wouldn't say encouraged.
Well, he didn't say 'no', did he? Didn't say no hope existed.
Not in those words.
I guess you'd have to guess. Not having been there with them. Having to guess whether your husband's report was word for word accurate.
Carl never lied.
Those 'dirty looks'. Defendant ever aim one of those at you?
He had no reason to.
Carl ever say <u>he</u> got one?
I can't speak for him.
Sorry about that, Mrs. Heine. Shall I repeat the ques...
The question is more about the <u>defendant's</u> attitu...
Improved...how?
As I said, in every way. Physically and psychologically. More endurance, quicker responses, better hand-eye, improved technical training. Where the First Psychology gave you ninety-eight percent obedience, this bunch gives you 99.4.
...He used to say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
I...see. I'm not sure I quite get your...point...
Well, the soldiers we've got now, they've been through all kinds of heavy shit...and they've always got the job done. Now these new ones, these "hot shots" of yours...what kind of action have they seen? They <u>are</u> battle-tested, aren't they?
That's up to you field guys. H.Q. wants you to break 'em in when you do the annual security sweep in January.
The sweep is just routine, not even police action. I'd like to see some sort of...meaningful evidence...
Such as?
Melton, on the double! Up a chain! MELTON Sir! MELTON takes a few easy strides, gracefully catches a chain mid- stride, and smarts up, climbing easily and twice as fast as TODD. CHURCH, SLOAN, and RUBRICK crane their necks as the two men struggle upward toward the rafters. Three quarters of the way up, MELTON comes even with TODD, then passes him. MEKUM, watching,
Spirit? Oh! You mean "AQ"..."aggressive qualities"?
Are these your bags?
Yes. And that one, too.
Okay, doll.
I suppose you want a tip?
Forget it, doll. After all, you work here - I work here - and believe you me, it's nice to have you with the organization.
Bye.
Listen, doll - what time do you get off tonight?
Why?
Because I'm working the night shift - and I got a bottle of gin stashed away - and as soon as there's a lull -
Aren't you a little too young for that, sonny?
Wanna see my driver's license?
Get lost, will you?
Which of you dolls is Daphne?
It's from Satchel Mouth at Table Seven. This is from me to you, doll.
Beat it, Buster.
Those idiot broads! Here we are all packed to go to Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant. I ought to fire you, Bienstock.
Hi, Mary Lou - Rosella - Okay, Dolores, get a move on - How's your back, Olga?
Yes, Sue? What is it?
I thought I made it clear I don't want any drinking in this outfit.
I beg your pardon.
You know, Bienstock, there's something funny about those two new girls.
Funny? In what way?
You're in Berths 7 and 7A.
Thank you ever so.
You're welcome.
Upsy-daisy.
No --- how does it go?
Pardon me, Mr. Bienstock - can I have my flask back?
You girls have seen a brown bag with a white stripe and my initials?
A what?
This a private clambake, or can anybody join?
Okay.
- so the one-legged jockey said -
What did he say?
Cut it out, girls. Stop it. Joe - Josephine - help!
Say, boss - I been talking to some of the other delegates - and the word is that Little Bonaparte is real sore about what happened to Toothpick Charlie. Him and Charlie, they used to be choir boys together.
Stop, or I'll burst out crying.
He even got Charlie's last toothpick - the one from the garage - and had it gold-plated.
Same faces - same instruments - - and here's your Valentine's card.
Those two musicians from the garage!
What happened?
Me and Tiny, we had them cornered - but we lost 'em in the shuffle.
Say, Joe - tonight's the night, isn't it?
I'll say.
I mean, we get paid tonight, don't we?
Because I lost a filling in my back tooth. I gotta go to the dentist tomorrow.
Dentist? We been out of work for four months - and you want to blow your first week's pay on your teeth?
It's just a little inlay - it doesn't even have to be gold -
How can you be so selfish? We owe back rent - we're in four eighty-nine bucks to Moe's Delicatessen - we're being sued by three Chinese lawyers because our check bounced at the laundry - we've borrowed money from every girl in the line -
You're right, Joe.
Of course I am.
First thing tomorrow we're going to pay everybody a little something on account.
No we're not.
We're not?
First thing tomorrow we're going out to the dog track and put the whole bundle on Greased Lightning.
You're going to bet my money on a dog?
He's a shoo-in. I got the word from Max the waiter - his brother-in-law is the electrician who wires the rabbit -
What are you giving me with the rabbit?
Look at those odds - ten to one. If he wins, we can pay everybody.
But suppose he loses?
What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
But suppose it doesn't?
Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks?
Hey, Joe!
Suppose Lake Michigan overflows?
Well, that solves one problem. We don't have to worry about who to pay first.
Quiet - I'm thinking.
Of course, the landlady is going to lock us out - Moe said no more knackwurst on credit - and we can't borrow any more from the girls, because they're on their way to jail -
Shut up, will you? I wonder how much Sam the Bookie will give up for our overcoats?
Sam the Bookie? Nothing doing! You're not putting my overcoat on that dog!
I told you - it's a sure thing.
But we'll freeze - it's below zero - we'll catch pneumonia.
Greased Lightning! Why do I listen to you? I ought to have my head examined!
I thought you weren't talking to me.
Yeah - where were you?
With you.
With me?
Don't you remember? He has this bad tooth - it got impacted - the whole jaw swole up -
It did? Boy, did it ever!
So I had to rush him to the hospital and give him a transfusion... Right?
Right. We have the same blood type...
Nellie told us about it.
You mean it's a girls' band?
No. And he ain't been eating so good, either. He's got an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.
But, Joe - three weeks in Florida! We could borrow some clothes from the girls in the chorus -
You've flipped your wig!
Now you're talking! We pick up a couple of second-hand wigs - a little padding here and there - call ourselves Josephine and Geraldine -
All the way to Urbana - for a one night stand?
It's a hundred miles, Joe - it's snowing - how are we going to get there?
We could've had three weeks in Florida - all expenses paid. Lying around in the sun - palm trees - frying fish...
We didn't see anything - - did we?
I think they got me.
They got the bull-fiddle.
You don't see any blood?
Where are we running, Joe?
As far away as possible.
You going to call the police?
The police? We'd never live to testify. Not against Spats Colombo. Wabash 1098.
We got to get out of town. Maybe we ought to grow beards.
We are going out of town. But we're going to shave.
Shave? At a time like this? Those guys got machine guns - they're going to blast our heads off - and you want to shave?
How can they walk on these things? How do they keep their balance?
And it's so drafty. They must be catching colds all the time.
Quit stalling. We'll miss the train.
I feel so naked. Like everybody's looking at me.
It's no use. We'll never get away with it, Joe.
Who are we kidding? Look at that - look how she moves - it's like jello on springs - they must have some sort of a built-in motor. I tell you it's a whole different sex.
What are you afraid of? Nobody's asking you to have a baby. This is just to get out of town. The minute we hit Florida, we'll blow this set-up.
My name is Josephine.
DAPHNE?
Hello, everybody. I'm the bass fiddle. Just call me Daphne.
How about that talent? This is like falling into a tub of butter.
Watch it, Daphne!
When I was a kid, I used to have a dream - I was locked up in this pastry shop overnight - with all kinds of goodies around - jelly rolls and mocha eclairs and sponge cake and Boston cream pie and cherry tarts -
Not there - that's the emergency brake.
Now you've done it!
Done what?
Tore off one of my chests.
You'd better go fix it.
This way, Daphne.
I changed it. It used to be Sugar Kowalczyk.
Bye, Sugar. We been playing with the wrong bands.
Down, Daphne!
Forget it. One false move, and they'll toss us off the train - there'll be the police, and the papers, and the mob in Chicago...
Boy, would I like to borrow a cup of that Sugar.
Look - no butter, no pastry, and no Sugar!
Men?
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
Steady, boy. Just keep telling yourself you're a girl.
What are you doing?
I just want to make sure that honey stays in the hive. There'll be no buzzing around tonight.
But suppose I got to go - like for a drink of water?
Fight it.
But suppose I lose? Suppose it's an emergency?
Good night, Daphne.
What's going on here? Daphne - Daphne -
It's not my fault. I didn't invite them.
Male and female - the moth and the flame - I ought to slug you!
What happened?
I got pinched in the elevator.
Well, now you know how the other half lives.
And I'm not even pretty.
They don't care - just as long as you wear skirts. It's like waving a red flat in front of a bull.
I'm tired of being a flag. I want to be a bull again. Lets get out of here, Joe. Let's blow.
Blow where?
You promised - the minute we hit Florida, we were going to beat it.
How can we? We're broke.
We can get a job with another band. A male band.
Listen, stupid - right now Spats Colombo and his chums are looking for us in every male band in the country.
But this is so humiliating.
So you got pinched in the elevator. So what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?
All right, all right! But how long can we keep this up?
What's the beef? We're sitting pretty. We get room and board - we get paid every week - there's the palm trees and the flying fish -
What are you giving me with the flying fish? I know why you want to stick around - you're after Sugar.
Me? After Sugar?
I watched you two on the bus - lovey-dovey - whispering and giggling and borrowing each other's lipstick -
What are you talking about? Sugar and me, we're just like sisters.
Yeah - let her soak. Come on.
What is it, young lady? What are you staring at?
You - you -
I heard a very sad story about a girl who went to Bryn Mawr. She squealed on her roommate, and they found her strangled with her own brassiere.
He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle.
You know - the old shell game.
Wise guy, huh? Trying to louse me up -
I'm a push-over for whom? What is it? Who's on the phone?
Yes, Mr. Fielding - you'll pick her up after the show in your motorboat - goodbye - what's that you said? Oh - zowie! I'll give her the message.
What message? What motorboat?
You got it made, kid. Fielding wants you to have a little cold pheasant with him on his yacht -
Oh, he does!
Just the three of you on that great big boat - you and him and Rudy Vallee.
Fat chance! You call him right back and tell him I'm not going.
Of course, you're not. I'm going.
You're going to be on the boat with that dirty old man?
No. I'm going to be on that boat with Sugar.
And where's he going to be?
He's going to be ashore with you.
With ME?
That's right.
Daphne - your boy friend is waving at you.
You can both go take a flying jump.
Come on, you can do better than that. Give him teeth - the whole personality.
Why do I let you talk me into these things? Why?
Because we're pals - buddies - the two musketeers.
Don't give me the musketeers! How'm I going to keep the guy ashore?
Tell him you get seasick on a yacht. Play miniature golf with him.
What are you doing with my flowers?
Hi, Jerry. Everything under control?
Have I got things to tell you!
What happened?
I'm engaged.
Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
I am.
WHAT?
Osgood proposed to me. We're planning a June wedding.
What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.
You think he's too old for me?
Jerry! You can't be serious!
Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time!
But you're not a girl. You're a guy! And why would a guy want to marry a guy?
Security.
Jerry, you'd better lie down. You're not doing well.
Look, stop treating me like a child. I'm not stupid. I know there's a problem.
I'll say there is!
His mother - we need her approval. But I'm not worried - because I don't smoke.
Jerry - there's another problem.
Like what?
Like what are you going to do on your honeymoon?
We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera - but I sort of lean toward Niagara Falls.
You're out of your mind! How can you get away with this?
Oh, I don't expect it to last. I'll tell him the truth when the time comes.
Like when?
Like right after the ceremony.
Oh.
Then we'll get a quick annulment - he'll make a nice settlement on me - I'll have those alimony checks coming in every month -
Jerry, listen to me - there are laws - conventions - it's just not being done!
But Joe - this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire!
Look, Jerry - take my advice - forget the whole thing - just keep telling yourself you're a boy!
I'm a boy - I'm a boy - I wish I were dead - I'm a boy - I'm a boy - What am I going to do about my engagement present?
Hey - these are real diamonds.
Naturally. You think my fiance is a bum? Now I guess I'll have to give it back.
That's some nerve!
I feel like such a tramp - taking jewelry from a man under false pretenses.
It's just going to break his heart when he finds out I can't marry him.
So? It's going to break Sugar's heart when she finds out I'm not a millionaire. That's life. You can't make an omelette without breaking an egg.
What are you giving me with the omelette?
Nag, nag, nag. Look, we got a yacht, we got a bracelet, you got Osgood, I've got Sugar - we're really cooking.
Joe -
I tell you, Joe, they're on to us. They're going to line us up against the wall and - Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh - and then the police are going to find two dead dames, and they're going to take us to the ladies' morgue, and when they undress us - I tell you, Joe, I'm just going to die of shame.
Shut up and keep packing.
Not that, you idiot.
Joe, if we get out of this hotel alive, you know what we're going to do? We're going to sell the bracelet, and grab a boat to South America and hide out in one of those banana republics - The way I figure is, if we eat nothing but bananas, we can live there for fifty years - maybe a hundred years - that
There's our shaving stuff - and there's Sugar.
Sugar?
Get me Room 414.
Telephone call? Who's got time for that?
We can't just walk out on her without saying goodbye.
Since when? Usually you leave 'em with nothing but a kick in the teeth.
That's when I was a saxophone player. Now I'm a millionaire.
Drop her a postcard. Any minute now those gorillas may be up here -
Hello, my dearest darling. So good to hear your voice again.
I don't know about the captain - but the navigator is getting his tail out of here.
Wait a minute - my bracelet. What happened to my bracelet?
What do you mean, your bracelet? It's our bracelet.
All right. What happened to our bracelet?
Don't worry. We did the right thing with it.
What did we do? Joe, you're not pulling one of your old tricks.
You crazy or something? The place is crawling with mobsters - gangrene is setting in - and you're making like Diamond Jim Brady! How are we going to get out of here? How are we going to eat?
We'll walk. And if we have to, we'll starve.
All right - so what do we do now?
Did you hear that?
What'll I tell him?
Tell him you're going to elope with him.
Elope? But there are laws - conventions -
It's all fixed! Osgood is meeting us on the pier -
OH!
Terribly sorry.
That's us. I'm Daphne - and this is Josephine.
She sings, too.
We'll take a rain check.
Are my seams straight?
I'll say.
Good night, Sugar.
Good night, honey.
Oh - Sugar!
I wanted to thank you for covering for me. You're a real pal.
It's nothing. I just think us girls should stick together.
If it hadn't been for you, they would have kicked me off the train. I'd be out there in the middle of nowhere, sitting on my ukulele.
It must be freezing outside. When I think of you - and your poor ukulele -
If there's anything I can do for you -
And that's one of them.
I don't want her to know we're in cahoots.
We won't tell anybody - not even Josephine.
I'd better stay here till she goes back to sleep.
Stay as long as you'd like.
I'm not crowding you, am I?
No. It's nice and cozy.
When I was a little girl, on cold nights like this, I used to crawl into bed with my sister. We'd cuddle up under the covers, and pretend we were lost in a dark cave, and were trying to find out way out.
Interesting.
Anything wrong?
No, no.
Why you poor thing - you're trembling all over.
That's ridiculous.
And your head is hot.
That's ridiculous.
And you've got cold feet.
Isn't that ridiculous?
I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl -
What did you say?
I'm a very sick girl.
Maybe I'd better go before I catch something.
I'm not that sick.
I have a very low resistance.
Look, Sugar, if you feel you're coming down with something, the best thing is a shot of whiskey.
You got some?
You all right?
I'm fine.
How's the bottle?
I tell you - this is the only way to travel.
You better put on the lights. I can't see what I'm doing.
No - no lights. We don't want anyone to know we're having a party.
I may spill something.
So spill it. Spills, thrills, laughs, games - this may even turn out to be a surprise party.
What's the surprise?
Uh-uh. Not yet.
When?
We better have a drink first.
Here. This'll put hair on your chest.
Who needs vermouth?
And bring the cocktail shaker.
Not you, Sugar.
I'll carry the instruments.
Here you are, Sugar.
A bunch of us girls are going for a swim. Want to come along?
See? She doesn't have one either - You don't?
Oh, I have some suntan lotion.
What do you think you're doing?
You know, Daphne - I had no idea you were such a big girl.
You should have seen me before I went on a diet.
I mean, your shoulders - and your arms -
That's from carrying around the bull fiddle.
But there's one thing I envy you for.
What's that?
Come on, Sugar - time to change for dinner.
Run along, Daphne - I'll catch up with you.
I recognized him too - his picture was in Vanity Fair.
His yacht?
It sleeps twelve. This is my friend Daphne. She's a Vassar girl.
I'm a what?
Oh, please do come. Don't disappoint us. It'll be such fun. And bring your yacht.
Well, I'll be - ! How about that guy?
Now look, Daphne - hands off - I saw him first.
Sugar, dear - let me give you some advice. If I were a girl - and I am - I'd watch my step.
If I'd been watching my step, I never would have met him. Wait till I tell Josephine.
Yeah - Josephine.
Will she be surprised. I just can't wait to see her face -
We don't have to run.
Josephine -
I guess she's not in here.
That's funny. Josie - I can't imagine where she can be.
Well, I'll come back later.
No, no, Sugar - wait. I have a feeling she's going to show up any minute.
Believe it or not - Josephine predicted the whole thing.
Yeah. This is one for Ripley.
Do you suppose she went out shopping?
Oh, come on - you can do better than that.
What do you mean, maybe? I saw the way he looked at you. He'll be there for sure.
I hope so.
No!
Yes. He wants me to have supper with him - on his yacht - he's going to pick me up at the pier.
No!
I thought I heard voices - and I just had to talk to somebody. I don't feel like going to sleep.
Did he get fresh?
Of course not. As a matter of fact, it was just the other way around. You see he needs help.
What for?
How did you get that bracelet?
You like it?
I always did.
Junior gave it to me. It must have at least thirty stones -
Thirty-four.
He's going to South America to marry some other girl - that's what they call high finance.
Brand new.
Where did you girls play before?
How did those holes get there?
Didn't you girls say you went to a conservatory?
Yes. For a whole year.
I was it.
What's the big idea?
It's about the Florida job.
What's wrong with us?
We could pass for that.
- you got to be blonde -
We could dye our hair.
- and you got to be girls.
Yes, I'm holding on.
Wait a minute, Joe. Lets talk this over. Why couldn't we do it? Last year, when we played in that gypsy tearoom, we wore gold earrings. And you remember when you booked us with that Hawaiian band? Grass skirts!
Hello, Mr. Morris? This is Poliakoff, in Chicago. Say, you wouldn't have a couple of girl musicians available? A sax player and a base?
Just a moment, miss - May I?
Help yourself.
I am Osgood Fielding the Third.
If there is one thing I admire, it's a girl with a shapely ankle.
Me too. Bye now.
Let me carry one of the instruments.
It certainly is delightful to have some young blood around here.
Personally, I'm Type O.
You know, I've always been fascinated by show business.
You don't say.
Yes, indeed. It's cost my family quite a bit of money.
You invest in shows?
No - it's showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times.
You're not sure?
Mama is keeping score. Frankly, she's getting rather annoyed with me
I'm not surprised.
So this year, when George White's Scandals opened, she packed me off to Florida. Right now she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep-sea fishing.
If I promise not to be a naughty boy - how about dinner tonight?
Sorry. I'll be on the bandstand.
Oh, of course. which of these instruments do you play?
Bull fiddle.
Fascinating. Do you use a bow or do you just pluck it?
Most of the time I slap it.
You must be quite a girl.
Wanna bet?
My last wife was an acrobatic dancer - you know, sort of a contortionist - she could smoke a cigarette while holding it between her toes - Zowie! - but Mama broke it up.
Why?
Goodbye, Mr. Fielding.
Goodbye?
This is where I get off.
Please. It won't happen again.
But it's such a waste - a full moon - an empty yacht -
I'll throw up!
Well, I'll be - ! He does have a bicycle.
Who?
About that roadhouse -
They got a Cuban band that's the berries. Why don't we go there - blindfold the orchestra - and tango till dawn?
You know something, Mr. Fielding? You're dynamite!
Daphne...
Yes, Osgood?
You're leading again.
This is my friend Josephine - she's going to be a bridesmaid.
Pleased to meet you.
Another bridesmaid?
I called Mama - she was so happy she cried - she wants you to have her wedding gown - it's white lace.
Osgood - I can't get married in your mother's dress. She and I - we' not built the same way.
We can have it altered.
Oh, no you don't! Look, Osgood - I'm going to level with you. We can't get married at all.
Why not?
Well, to begin with, I'm not a natural blonde.
It doesn't matter.
And I smoke. I smoke all the time.
I don't care.
And I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
I forgive you.
And I can never have children.
We'll adopt some.
But you don't understand! I'm a MAN!
This is her roommate. Daphne can't talk right now. Is it anything urgent?
Well, it is to me. Will you give her a message? I'd like her to have a little supper with me on my yacht after the show tonight.
The New Caledonia. That's the name of it. The Old Caledonia went down during a wild party off Cape Hatteras. But tell her not to worry - this is going to be a quiet little midnight snack - just the two of us.
Just the two of you? What about the crew?
Oh, that's all taken care of. I'm giving them shore leave. We'll have a little cold pheasant - and champagne - and I checked with the Coast Guard - there'll be a full moon tonight - oh, and tell her I got a new batch of Rudy Vallee records -
Don't I know you two from somewhere?
We're just a couple of musicians - we come to pick up a car - Nellie Weinmeyer's car - there's a dance tonight - Come on, Jerry.
Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?
To Urbana. It's a hundred miles.
I don't like no witnesses.
We won't breathe a word.
I don't mean to be forward - but ain't I had the pleasure of meeting you two broads before?
Anything today?
Oh, it's you! You got a lot of nerve -
Now look, Nellie - if it's about last Saturday night - I can explain everything.
Oh?
Nellie baby, I'll make it up to you.
You're making it up pretty good so far.
What's the job?
Please, Jerry - that's no way to talk. Nellie baby - what are you doing tonight?
Why?
Because I got some plans -
I'm not doing anything. I just thought I'd go home and have some cold pizza -
And you'll be in all evening?
Yes, Joe.
Good! Then you won't be needing your car.
Hey, Sig - can we talk to you?
What are you - a couple of comedians? Get out of here! Long distance? Get me the William Morris Agency in New York.
You need a bass and a sax, don't you?
The wrong shape? You looking for hunchbacks or something?
It's not the backs that worry me.
What kind of band is this, anyway?
No, we couldn't!
Look, if you boys want to pick up a little money tonight - At the University of Illinois they are having - you should excuse the expression - a St. Valentine's dance.
We'll take it!
Well, here we are.
You two from the Poliakoff Agency?
Hey, Sheboygan - you two - what was your last job - playing square dances?
No - funerals.
We got it second-hand.
We got time off for good behavior.
Tell what?
Yes. I come from a very musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.
Where did he conduct?
On the Baltimore and Ohio.
Oh.
Running away? From what?
We understand.
Put it here.
Sugar, you're going to get yourself into a lot of trouble.
If Bienstock catches you again - What's the matter with you, anyway?
I'm not very bright, I guess.
I wouldn't say that. Careless, maybe.
No, just dumb. If I had any brains, I wouldn't be on this crummy train with this crummy girls' band.
Then why did you take this job?
I used to sing with male bands. But I can't afford it any more.
Afford it?
Have you ever been with a male band?
Me?
That's what I'm running away from. I worked with six different ones in the last two years. Oh, brother!
Rough?
I'll say.
You can't trust those guys.
I can't trust myself. The moment I'd start with a new band - bingo!
Bingo?
You see, I have this thing about saxophone players.
Really?
Especially tenor sax. I don't know what it is, but they just curdle me. All they have to do is play eight bars of "Come to Me My Melancholy Baby" - and my spine turns to custard, and I get goose-pimply all over - and I come to them.
That so?
Every time!
You know - I play tenor sax.
But you're a girl, thank goodness.
Yeah.
That's why I joined this band. Safety first. Anything to get away from those bums.
Yeah.
You don't know what they're like. You fall for them and you love 'em - you think it's going to be the biggest thing since the Graf Zeppelin - and the next thing you know they're borrowing money from you and spending it on other dames and betting on the horses -
You don't say?
Then one morning you wake up and the saxophone is gone and the guy is gone, and all that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste, all squeezed out.
Men!
So you pull yourself together and you go on to the next job, and the next saxophone player, and it's the same thing all over again. See what I mean? - not very bright.
Brains aren't everything.
You know I'm going to be twenty-five in June?
You are?
That's a quarter of a century. Makes a girl think.
About what?
About the future. You know - like a husband? That's why I'm glad we're going to Florida.
What's in Florida?
Millionaires. Flocks of them. They all go south for the winter. Like birds.
Going to catch yourself a rich bird?
Oh, I don't care how rich he is - as long as he has a yacht and his own private railroad car and his own toothpaste.
You're entitled.
Maybe you'll meet one too, Josephine.
Yeah. With money like Rockefeller, and shoulders like Johnny Weismuller -
I want mine to wear glasses.
Glasses?
Men who wear glasses are so much more gentle and sweet and helpless. Haven't you ever noticed?
Well, now that you've mentioned it -
Happy days.
What's happened?
Okay, Sugar - all clear. You better go back to bed.
I might as well stay in there. I won't be able to sleep anyway.
Why not?
Bienstock. He snores to beat the band. We cut cards to see who sleeps over him, and I always lose. Wouldn't you know?
Want to switch berths with me?
Would you mind terribly?
Thanks, honey.
Well, there they are - more millionaires than you can shake a stick at.
I'll bet there isn't one of them under seventy-five.
I wish they'd put us in the same room.
414 - that's the same room number I had in Cincinnati - my last time around with a male band. What a heel he was.
Saxophone player?
What else? And was I ever crazy about him. Two in the morning, he sent me down for knackwurst and potato salad - they were out of potato salad, so I brought coleslaw - so he threw it right in my face.
Forget it, Sugar, will you? Forget about saxophone players. You're going to meet a millionaire - a young one.
What makes you so sure?
Wait a minute, Daphne. You haven't got a bathing suit.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
My fault.
You're not hurt, are you?
I don't think so.
I wish you'd make sure.
Why?
Because usually, when people find out who I am, they get themselves a wheel chair and a shyster lawyer, and sue me for a quarter of a million dollars.
Well, don't worry. I won't sue you - no matter who you are.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Not very likely.
Are you staying at the hotel?
Not at all.
Your face is familiar.
Possible you saw it in a newspaper - or magazine - Vanity Fair -
That must be it.
Would you mind moving just a little? You're blocking my view.
Your view of what?
They run up a red-and-white flag on the yacht when it's time for cocktails.
Which one is yours - the big one?
Certainly not. with all that unrest in the world, I don't think anybody should have a yacht that sleeps more than twelve.
I quite agree. Tell me, who runs up that flat - your wife?
No, my flag steward.
And who mixes the cocktails - your wife?
No, my cocktail steward. Look, if you're interested in whether I'm married or not -
I'm not interested at all.
Well, I'm not.
How's the stock market?
Up, up, up.
I'll bet just while we were talking, you made like a hundred thousand dollars.
Could be. Do you play the market?
No - the ukulele. And I sing.
For your own amusement?
Well - a group of us are appearing at the hotel. Sweet Sue and Her Society Syncopators.
You're society girls?
Oh, yes. Quite. You know - Vassar, Bryn Mawr - we're only doing this for a lark.
Syncopators - does that mean you play that fast music - jazz?
Yeah. Real hot.
Oh. Well, I guess some like it hot. But personally, I prefer classical music.
So do I. as a matter of fact, I spent three years at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music.
Good school! And your family doesn't object to your career?
They do indeed. Daddy threatened to cut me off without a cent, but I don't care. It was such a bore - coming-out parties, cotillions -