If you ask me, the fucker got what he deserved. I'm glad he's dead.
That's a terrible thing to say. Frida goes back to scrubbing the floor.
At least I finally saw the reason you couldn't get over Mark.
You expecting someone?
No.
Fuck it's the cops. Peter saw me, now I have to let him in.
What the fuck are we going to do?
Peter knows something.
I think I just got my period.
Does that mean this whole thing is over?
Probably for three weeks or so anyway. I'm not sure -- I don't get how it works.
Let's do some research. I'll check the libraries. You surf the web.
You're such a good friend.
Symptoms include loss of emotional control, compulsive behavior, cravings, crying spells...
Peter keeps asking me out.
Maybe you should go out with him. If you keep avoiding him he'll get suspicious. Besides, what better way to not get busted than to date the cop who's investigating you.
The thing is, I really like him. I finally meet a guy I really like and I'm a fuckin' werewolf.
"Paranoia, insecurity, depression, changes in vision, feelings of losing control; belief that you have a mental problem..." Nothing about turning into a werewolf.
This is from a scientist in France, Madame Sconce. "The original werewolves were females. They became werewolves on the lunar cycle because it corresponded to the woman's cycle. My suspicion is that the only cure is true love."
Great so all I have to do is fall in love? Like I haven't tried that for the past 24 years.
"The female-cycle werewolf will only kill men and never kills someone she truly loves." See I knew you never loved Mark.
Who is this Madame Sconce? Let's find her and talk to her.
She died at age 34 in the 1800's. They thought she was crazy. She was banished from her town. Seems her husband shot her.
Guess she never found true love.
The weird thing is... he shot her with a silver bullet.
So... she was a werewolf. Do you think we can believe all this?
What choice do we have?
So what do I do?
Fall in love.
I'm cleaning my stove.
You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were killing yourself.
I tried to kill myself -- earlier. It doesn't work. I think I need silver bullets. So I got depressed and when I'm depressed I clean.
You'll get through this. You were fine for over three weeks.
I'm just afraid I'll hurt Peter. I think I love him.
Remember what Madame Sconce said. If you love him he'll be fine.
But how do I know if I really love Peter? And if he really loves me?
I guess you'll find out.
No. I can't take that chance. I'd rather kill myself.
No. I won't let you do that.
I think George knows.
About Mark? Carlton?
About Benito.
Did I kill a guy named Benito?
I thought you and George were getting married.
We were -- I was just so tempted... It was sort of a test. I think after sleeping with Benito I know I want to be with George. But now George knows about Benito and he doesn't want to be with me!
I wish I only had your problems.
Sorry -- I shouldn't go on about myself at a time like this. Are you sure you're going to be okay?
Hello?
Frida? You okay?
Never been better. Peter spent the night. I must really love him. He's still alive.
Oh thank god. Maybe this whole thing is really over.
God I hope so. Hey can I call you later? Peter's still here. He's in the shower.
I know.
So you're Grant's secretary?
I do development for TV movies.
You're kidding, really?
You hungry?
Man I'm starving too, I think I'll go for the Surf and Turf.
I'm not really hungry after all.
So there I was, hanging from the edge of a bridge, when my mom said, "Son, you got into Harvard!" It took three of them to pull me back! Frida keeps eating.
Well, whattdaya think?
I'd really feel more comfortable paying for my half of the dinner.
I'm really tired.
Come on, didn't all that steak make you thirsty?
No. Really, I'm... I don't feel well. I've got terrible PMS.
They say sex is great for cramps.
What?
I really gotta pee.
You should have gone at the restaurant.
I didn't have to pee then.
My apartment's just such a mess.
That's okay. I just have to use the bathroom and then I'll leave.
Oh come on. Knock it off.
Knock what off?
You don't have to pee.
Yes I do have to pee!
You're just saying that to get into my apartment and then you're hoping that'll turn into something else.
I wouldn't mind doin' something else, but I do really have to pee.
Uh huh. So pee.
So pee? Here?
What, you got a date or somethin'?
You look different. I mean you look good.
You never say that.
You do though. You look really... is that a wonderbra?
Look what you did!
Oh my god, I'm sorry!
Shit. And you're eating my burger? You don't eat meat.
OUCH that stings! Damn, what am I going to do with my back like this?
Worried about what all your girlfriends might think?
Frida, you know you're it for me.
Hey wait, I paid three bucks for that burger. You owe me...
You haven't even paid me back the thousand bucks you owe me!
Where'd you get the bike?
Frida? I hear you talking. I know you're in there. Let me in.
It's a matter of life and death.
This really isn't a good time.
I did something stupid. I had a courier job -- picking up a package from the airport. It turned out to be money -- so I kind of borrowed it to pay my rent and now these dudes are after me.
So pay them back and apologize.
These guys aren't the kind that'll take an apology. They're the kind that'll break my thumbs.
You think that story's gonna make me loan you money?
It's the truth. If you'd just loaned me the money last time this never would have happened.
Somehow this winds up being my fault? You always blame me.
Come on, I'm your biggest supporter.
My bra is my biggest supporter.
Mark.
Wow.
The Nielson's?
On your desk.
Script coverage?
On your desk.
Coffee and...
How about a "Man in Jeopardy" story?
Did you change your hair?
I can't read any more crap. These women are all victims.
Yes, that's what we're looking for.
I think we should do something with strong female characters...
Mr. Grant. Did you read that script I was talking about?
Uh... yes. Not for us. No woman in jeopardy. Find me Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Find me a true story about a crazed killer stalking beautiful women.
No.
No?
No. I quit. Take your lame ass ideas, your fake ass toupee, your fat ass wife and your ugly ass kids and shove them.
When's the last time you saw him?
I wish I could help but last I saw Gregory was outside my front door.
You busted me.
Are you following me?
No... no... this is embarrassing. I was returning your pillowcase... and I saw you cross the street... and I sort of started following you. I just find you really intriguing. I don't know why.
I gotta get going. Peter gets the pillowcase out of his bag.
Being a cop has such a warm effect on people.
That's my ex. He's an asshole. In case you couldn't tell. I think he's been following me.
You wanna get some coffee?
I'm trying to stay away from caffeine.
Some decaf then? That was stupid. Obviously you said you were staying away from caffeine as a nice way of blowing me off.
No. Really. I don't drink coffee anymore. I used to love it but my tastes have changed recently.
Okay well. Maybe some other time. They continue walking together.
So what book did you buy?
Oh, it's nothing.
No really, I love knowing what people read.
It's stupid.
My mom used to get PMS too.
Used to? Did it stop finally?
No, she died when I was twelve.
I'm sorry.
I've had time to get over it. She was killed by wolves they think.
We lived in northern Minnesota. She went for a walk one night and they never found her body -- just her torn apart clothes with her blood and wolf blood on them. Then the town rounded up bunch of hunters and shot all the wolves in the area.
I'm so sorry Peter. Gee, that sure puts my problems in perspective.
I've read scripts about detectives, but never met one. Must be wild.
Sometimes it's frustrating. Like this Gregory Jameson case. We don't even know what killed him. I'm putting together little details to see if we're missing something.
Like what?
You know how moms always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well this guy wasn't wearing any underwear.
A lot of people don't wear underwear.
How about you? Briefs or boxers?
Briefs.
Cool. I don't get guys who wear boxers. My ex wore boxers. I never got how he could wear khakis and not have his boxers bunch up.
Me neither. That's why I wear briefs... So why did you and... Mark break up?
I really gotta get going.
Thanks for the walk. Maybe we could... get a bite sometime?
Yeah. Maybe.
Goodnight.
What are those?
Silver bullets. A collectors item. These are very valuable. They were melted down from a crucifix.
What are they for?
I'm a cop -- I notice everything. That drawer's ajar, that picture's been moved about an inch, the closet wasn't closed when I left...
What's wrong?
Oh, nothing's wrong. Just... well don't you have your period?
I mean we can still... whatever... Maybe I should get a towel?
No. No, I'm fine. Maybe I should go. I mean... I don't want our first time to be like this.
Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me. You following me again?
No. I was doing my laundry.
Was there anything in that washer?
You sure? It's my favorite shirt, mind if I check?
Everything okay?
Uh.... hi!
Frida, can we come in? We need to talk to you. It's important.
You had a date with Carlton?
No, no... But Mark -- a jealous boyfriend gone mad. Maybe he kills men you date.
But you said the bodies were ripped to pieces?
No, why?
Frida. I was looking for you. You changing jobs?
Yeah sort of. Where's Lloyd?
I need to talk to you. About us. Frida... I... Can I carry your box?
No, I got it. It's okay.
What happened?
I thought we were starting something... and then... I know it's unorthodox, I mean with you being involved in the case and all.
I just don't know if I should be dating anyone right now.
Except Mark of course.
What's that supposed to mean?
Did I tell you I have the worst sense of humor and I make bad jokes at totally inappropriate times?
No, but thanks for the warning.
Speaking of Mark -- we've tried to track him down and there's no sight of him. Vanished into thin air. I got a hunch he fled the country.
That's it? Hell my mom chased my dad around with a knife when she had it. She made us call her a different name. She'd say, "You're talking to Betty now" and we'd leave the house for a few days.
This is a lot worse than "Betty."
You can't mean that. I'm sure your bark is worse than your bite.
Is it that funny?
No, it's just... no one's ever said that. And I thought if someone did ever say it, I'd have to say it first and then they'd sort of say "I love you too" cause they felt they had to after I'd said it.
Is that how you feel?
Like I had to say it? No, I wanted to say it.
You didn't say it.
What's with the squirt guns?
They're for my cat. I use them to train him not to rip up paper.
You know, I've never seen your cat.
Your breasts feel larger.
They do? Oh no...
I did shave... Do I seem hairy? Peter laughs.
Hello?
Frida? You okay? Look, I think I know what happened to Mark. I want to help. I'm coming over.
NO! Don't come over. Peter... I... I don't want to see you anymore. Ever.
Yes, sort of. I mean no, not really.
You at least owe me the truth.
You want the truth? Remember I tried to tell you something the other day?
Yes, your PMS. Frida I can deal with that.
If you don't like me, just say so. You don't have to make up some bullshit like you're a werewolf.
Go away. I might hurt you.
I'm not afraid. Frida! I love you.
Peter I love you too but...
How do you know?
I don't think you would. No matter what form you take.
I can't take that chance... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you.
Be careful!
Can't you bite me and then I'll be like you?
No. It doesn't work that way. Men can't get PMS. Unfortunately.
I knew you wouldn't kill me.
Maybe we should have children. I don't think I'd kill the father of my child.
We can work this out. Other couples have worse problems.
Worse than this?
Sure. Cheating, lying. What's a little werewolf a few days a month? We can move out to the country where you can feed off deer.
What about... those guys... I might have...
No way can anything be proved. All they have are some wolf hairs. No one believes in werewolves.
I'm so sorry... I... I couldn't help it. You know I didn't mean to... to do any of that.
I'm going to take a shower.
Here's a towel.
That I'm a doormat of course. The shrink makes more notes.
I think I'm a werewolf.
I ate a guy last night.
And how did you feel when you ate this guy?
Dreams about killing usually signify feelings of guilt. You had sex last night and you feel guilty.
We didn't have sex.
You say you killed a man and don't remember it. Couldn't you have had sex and not remember it? It's sexual. Why did you choose "eating him" as the method of killing?
Cause I'm a fucking werewolf!!
It's about Gregory Jameson. He's dead.
Yes... I... we had dinner.
Did he come home with you? Did you go to his apartment?
No, it was our first date.
A kiss? Did you have sex with him?
We can get a warrant if you like.
You heard about Carlton Fraser?
Seems you were the last to see Carlton alive. And the last to see Gregory alive.
No. We left the restaurant, and... and I felt sick... so... so I took a cab home. Alone.
You got a dog?
No, I have a cat.
No he's not. He's a courier. He picks up packages from the airport.
So I asked the bartender what "coyote ugly" meant. It's like the "bagger" system. You know, a two- bagger -- someone so ugly that you need two bags -- one bag to put on their head and another one in case it blows off. Or a three-bagger...
He was saying that when women are close friends they get their periods at the same time.
Come on, I've been working with Frida. Carlton won't even recognize her now. She's really coming out of her shell.
She's just so... pathetic.
She's just insecure. Once you get to know her she's fabulous.
I wonder how Frida and Carlton are getting along?
Carlton insisted on leaving with her. Maybe he got lucky.
It's for you. Frida.
I'm supposed to put up with a fuckin' cat I'm allergic to cause your friend's got PMS?
It's so bad she becomes a werewolf.
You have some weird friends. What does her thinking she's a werewolf have to do with us having the cat?
Oh great. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Take some allergy medicine.
You can't believe this bullshit.
Jesus Christ she got her period. Relax guys. It happens.
How the hell is that your business?
You want her sheets?
I was thinking about becoming a cop myself. Do you take a test or something or just sign up?
Why would you want to be a cop?
See he was cheating from the get go.
Nah, I don't wanna break up with Wanda, I just wanna see Carmen too.
Man, you're livin' dangerously. Let me ask you somethin', you always have to get women drunk before they'll sleep with you?
You kiddin'? They try to get ME drunk.
You're some catch Lloyd.
He was found a few blocks away.
I didn't trust her. All that blood on the sheets. She may look sweet, but she could be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Something's weird.
That dude was torn limb from limb. No way a woman like that could have done it. You never seen blood on a chick's sheets from her period?
Hell no, I'm not into that shit. The sight of blood makes me sick.
Oh, so you decide to be a cop? Seriously? You don't have sex with a woman cause she's on the rag?
No man. Blood is not a turn on. You sure let that Frida off the hook. You weren't even going to take the sheets. If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked her.
I can tell she's not a killer. You just don't like her cause you have a hang up about menstruation.
Frida's sheets checked out fine. It was just her own blood. From her... you know.
I told you she was innocent.
Hey, there was a lot of blood.
She was never a suspect Lloyd. Some animal must have done this.
Maybe. What about all those hairs they found on his body?
Waiting for DNA tests. He was hairier than Madonna in Penthouse.
Madonna's in Penthouse?
Back in the '80's. You didn't see the pictures? They were from before she got famous. She was hairy as hell. Her pits, her bush.
What?
He was found nearly ripped to shreds in Central Park.
I still don't get when you gave her back the pillowcase.
We only live a few blocks apart.
This is more than fishy, this chick dates a dude and he winds up dead.
She's got a hidden pitbull. Maybe she hired someone to kill them.
She's not a suspect. What is her motive? There's nothing, NOTHING connecting her to either crime except that she dated both guys.
Sounds like you got a conflict of interest.
Nah, East Village poseur was grosser than the dude in the park.
The park dude was missing an arm.
Poseur was missing a chunk of his neck. And his eyes were open. That always bugs me out. Do me a favor, if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, remind me to close my fuckin' eyes.
Deal. And if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, shoot him.
Yeah okay. I still say Frida's involved. She's the last one to see two dudes alive...
He means the last that we know of.
Seems he's stolen money from them. He's desperate and our only lead.
Spencer's the key here. Frida is in no way associated with him. And her blood hasn't matched with any of the killings.
It's a bit farfetched that Mark would rip guys to shreds just outta jealousy. This makes no sense.
It's like some fucking monster dropped out of the sky and killed these dudes.
You think mafia hit?
Hard to tell. Looks like he's been cleaned up and he's decomposing as we speak. This case gets weirder by the minute.
It has to be Frida. This makes three guys ripped apart who are tied to her ass.
Okay Lloyd. First, no way does Frida have the physical strength to tear a guy to shreds. Second, why would she be so obvious and let it be known she was the last one to see these guys? Third, she's the one in danger. She's a woman in jeopardy and you're layin' a murder rap on her. Fourth, I look in her eyes and
What are you talking about?
I know. I followed you. To the zoo, to her house, to your house...
What the fuck are you following me for? I'm not a suspect here.
My girlfriend's predicting another murder in the next few days.
What makes her think that?
So... they're on some cycle. The murders... Gregory... then 28 days later... Carlton.
And that was 28 days ago today.
Did we get those DNA tests back?
Just this morning. Animal hairs were found all over the victims.
What kind of animal?
I need something to keep me awake.
Looks like you need a haircut to me.
Thanks. Just some pills.
Sell maps?
What of?
The city. I need to get to the ocean.
Mnunn. Cold lately. That night, couple weeks ago. That was <u>real</u> cold. Remember that?
Not really...
How long have you been here?
Maybe ten minutes... Thatís strange.
What's he doing here?
Says he is the man's doctor... You know...
All the same entry wounds. It's definitely him. She lives... lived here. A prostitute.
The other one?
His wife.
Jesus. Small world. Where's the photographer?
They don't speak English...
How will we interrogate them?
Police. Nobody move.
He tried to kill me!
Doctor! What brings you here?
Just visiting my patient.
Really? And how is his state of mind?
You seem a little edgy. Everything okay?
To tell you the truth, I'm glad we've run into each other like this. Maybe you can help me tidy some loose ends.
I met a friend of yours the other night, doctor. Tall fellow. No hair. Rather pale skin...
I don't know what you're talking about.
That's surprising. He was leaving your office at the time...
Please, they'll kill me...
In there.
What is this place?
Was that for real down there?
Good evening, sir.
Why are you wearing that thing on your face?
Germs, sir. These places are full of them.
What about Thompson, sir? Wasnít this his case?
Thompson suffered a kind of severe delusion or some damn thing. Anyway he isnít with us any longer. The case is yours. Go through his files. Take what you need. By the way, howís your mother?
Why do you want to speak to him?
Itís extremely important to my investigation...
Iíll be the judge of that. Anything else?
Lost something?
Yes. That's right. He's ill - he needs expert help.
Yes, sir. I'm sorry... But I don't understand how it was possible. The only window was twenty feet up a vertical wall, he was cuffed...
Bumstead, you're starting to annoy me. This case is very important to me. Just a little warning: I've got my eye on you inspector, remember that.
Dammit!
Sorry, sir.
Donít ever sneak up on me like that! Who are you?
Iím your new assistant.
I didnít requisition a secretary.
Iíve taken the liberty and had Inspector Thompsonís office searched, as I believe you instructed. All clear now, sir. They found several more traps and things were filed under pretty strange categories... Poor man.
Good.
You wonít regret this, sir.
You typed this report?
Yes, sir. Anything wrong?
It seems fine.
How can I submit this?
Iím sorry...
Do you wash your hands before you type things?
Why, yes.
Who is it?
Won't say. Says he must talk to you.
I need everything on the Jonathan White case.
Yes, sir. <u>Everything</u>?
Where are we going?
Why give yourself up?
I - ah - couldn't think of anything else to do. I thought maybe you know something... I'm scared.
That was a pretty good escape act at the station. How did you do that?
People... after me.
Who?
I don't know who they are.
Why are they after you?
Don't know that either.
They didn't have faces.
What?
Go on.
Well. The only thing I've been certain of, all this time, is that I need to get to the ocean. The point is no one seems to know how to get there.
Where do you think this goes?
What now?
Can't let you in... sorry.
I'm on the serial killer case, need to talk.
They've taken my mind, my memories...
What? Who has?
Is that your idea of a joke? I don't remember... Take my advice, Bumstead. Get off this case. Now.
Jesus! We have to get you to a doctor...
But... How long has this been happening?
Look! This is a good one!
What is that door?
Which one?
Such a joker! Like your father.
You see it?
Yes.
Where does it lead?
A fanciful idea, Mister White.
A book of delusions. Anything else?
But I...
I see. The verdict, yes...
I didn't realise...
No. I, ah...
Someoneís after me.
Then we must call the police.
I see. Then who is after you? What sins have you committed?
Donít kill me!
Shut up!
You remember nothing? Who you are? What you've done?
You know something about me?
Ah, that would be cheating, wouldn't it? Is there nothing <u>you</u> remember? Not even a detail? You must try.
You think I haven't been trying! It's like there was never anything there. Just water.
Water?
What does she say? The woman.
Asks my name. Over and over. Just like a broken record. Only thing is, I can't answer. I've no idea what my name <u>is</u>.
Your name is John White.
Bad dreams?
Yes.
If you like.
You're supposed to be my doctor, right?
Known me for long?
I cannot say... You don't know the answer to that?
Did she drown? The woman you told me about?
Horrible...
We are little more than a sum of memories. From them we reference who we are, where we're going. Without a past we are nothing. This is why you are so interesting.
I'm nothing then.
Can I get my life back?
I'm sorry. About before.
What are you doing?
I have to go...
You're a liar!
No, it's the truth.
If you would only take this, inject it in your brain, everything would be much clearer.
Not that again...
You've been working too hard.
Please! Don't be foolish! Time is short. Let me show you something. Look at this syringe.
Why?
It's a trick.
What are you hiding?
What happened to you?
What is it?
I thought it would make more sense. I'm getting the pieces, but when I put it together it feels like... Like you're telling me about somebody else's life...
It's the truth... I need you. I know you're innocent.
How do you know I'm innocent?
Of course you are. You couldn't do those terrible things. Come home with me - maybe things will make sense then...
I can't do that. It's dangerous. What about my parents? Do you know where I can find them?
How do I get there? Tell me.
You understand what you'll be doing?
Yeah... You just want me to wave, right?
Wave from the door... go down the stairs... get into the limo...
`Cause you know I can do other stuff. I mean, if you wanted me to talk or...
Don't say a .
Uh --Mr. Alexander?
What?
Is this dangerous or anything?
No more than the usual.
How much do you usually get paid?
First Lady...
They barely talk anymore.
You're kidding?
Holy cow.
We'll be back for you first thing tomorrow and if you need me for anything, Duane will be right outside the door.
Now, remember -- keep it simple.
What's with her?
Okay, let's go over it again. You met a girl, you fell in love...
And we're going away for a holiday.
For a month.
A month.
Right and don't embellish.
First thing we're gonna work on is the mannerisms. Alan has put together sort of a training program
I'm not certain about...
Dave...
Be a professional. If you can convince her - - you can convince anybody.
... Alright.
Now when she comes in, we'll move you right out to the balcony. All you have to say is `thanks for doing this, Ellen.'
Mr. President...
What the hell is this?
The Washington Post.
That shelter was in this bill.
Alan
Lots of shelters were in this bill.
Uh, Mr. President... I don't believe that's on your agenda today.
.. Nothing.
Choices???
What do you think you're doing?!
You mean the press conference? I have a couple of ideas I wanted to share with the country.
You're nothing. Do you understand me! You're NOBODY...
I'm... not... nobody...
You're lint! You're a flea! You're a blip!
... what?
Oh... I'm fired?
You're fired.
Fine?
Die, you pond scum!
They say it hit both sides of his brain... Even if he makes it he's gonna be a vegetable.
I can't believe he'd do this.
Where's the girl?
She's a little hysterical right now. We've got her upstairs in a laundry room.
Nightmare...
Look... at some point we're going to have to call the Vice President...
Don't call the Vice President!
... What?
Just don't call him, Alan!
The guy's in a coma, Bob.
I don't give a shit.
Bob...
Till what?
TilT we figure something out.
Look, everything can be handled. We'll just find a way to handle it.
Like how?
Well, start by going on television and saying that he's had a mild stroke...
Mild stroke?
Yes - - and that he ought to be up and around sometime soon.
Up and around? Soon?
A condition...
We think so.
Do you know how many different kinds of laws we've broken?
You mean we get `Dave' to nominate you as Vice President.
I was a senator, you know.
Oh, I know. And then when our poor President gets another stroke - - of course much more serious this time - - the newly appointed V.P. becomes the Pres...
I got the nurses for fifty grand a piece and the doctors for a hundred. The older one wanted head of the CDC.
Is that everybody?
Duane's guys, but he's got them under control.
What about her.
Her?... Oh -- the First Lady... She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr. I managed to catch her before she left the hotel.
And...
I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at `the hotel.' She seems to hate him more than ever.
Fine.
Everybody else is buying the minor stroke' story...
Clean.
I mean I've checked everything. Women. Liquor... Finances. I went all the way back to his high school race for student body president.
No one gets to be Vice President by being that clean.
What about the wife?
Clean.
Check his kids.
Clean.
Nobody's got clean kids.
We've got nothing, Bob. This won't work.
If we find nothing, we get creative. Just make something up. Instead of a couple weeks it'll be a couple of months. The whole thing is under control.
Okay, let's see... you can have him on Tuesday the 25th...
Uh, let me get back to you...
You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady?
It's a homeless shelter.
Oh. Excuse me.
It's gonna be great. 'Caring about his wife.' 'Spending time on her favorite issue...'
I don't want him caring about his wife! What about the Vice President!
When does it break?
Couple of days. Anyhow, look at these tracking polls, they'll burn up in your hands: seventy- three percent with seniors, eighty- four with working mothers...
Alan, we still have to control this guy...
And look at this. Russell came around on the trade bill.
You're kidding.
How long have you been waiting to pass that thing?
Three years.
No!... WE didn't anything...
What's with the cameras?
Hundredth cabinet meeting. I thought it was a nice touch.
Do we have anything on the budget today?
What are you gonna do?
I'm going to kill him.
He's not a President! He's an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.
Bob...
I can kill a HUNDRED ordinary people.
He's only doing what you told him to.
What I told him to?
I heard you. You said 'cut three hundred million dollars from the federal budget, and you can keep your homeless shelter.'
Well, I didn't mean it, Alan. Why the fuck would I want to save a homeless shelter?
It's not his job -- It's my job!
Bob...
Was he a senator? Is he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he in Who's Who In Washington NINE YEARS Reed wrestles him away from the door, as Bob struggles to get free. I'll destroy him, Alan. I'll shred the bastard!!!
Don't do this.
I'll lock him away for good.
What do you mean by that?
Just what you think I mean.
Are you threatening me?
Uh-oh...
... But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higher...
So you want to go swimming?
Dave -- I'm working.
Oh yeah... Me, too. You want to get dinner later?
I was gonna do something with Joan.
I'm serious, Dave -- you could get in a lot of trouble for something like this.
It's fine.
They could put you in jail.
I don't think so
This is undeclared income.
And who's gonna find out?
The government
I gotta tell ya, Dave. I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up. Who does these books?
I gotta tell ya, Dave. I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up. Who does these books?
I'm not sure.
I just think they make this stuff a lot more complicated than it has to be.
I'm not surprised. Can we save anywhere?
Well, yeah. But you gotta start making some choices.
Choices?
You know -- priorities. Remember when you couldn't get your car fixed `cause you wanted to get that piano?
You could buy it on payments.
Yeah. That's how you end up with a 400 billion dollar deficit.
So what do we do?
Well, there's lots of places where I think you can save, but I'm not the one who's ....... I mean, I'm not the one who's not the Pres...
Thanks. You did great. Maybe later you could come back and we could go to Camp David or something.
That'd be great.
You sure? A Coke or a Perrier or something?
Now, Dave, something has come up and I think we need to talk about it...
Look, I'm sorry. I know you said not to talk, but when I saw the crowd I just got excited...
In fact, we think you did such a good job, we'd like to extend things a little bit.
Extend things?
Oh my God...
I know... I know... It's difficult for all of us. But sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside and focus on the gQod of the country.
What happened?
It's actually kind of serious, Dave. I'm afraid the President's not in very good shape.
Will he be alright?
No.
I'm afraid so.
You know, on an empty road where you know it's safe and nobody's around...
I'm not sure... I might have.
Well, let's say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital. You'd do it then for sure wouldn't you?
Well... I gues I would... Yeah.
Now, let's say the whole country. Was in that car. The entire United States of America.
In the car?
In the car.
Now some of this may feel a bit Strange at first. You gotta remember that even a professional Politician has Some trouble getting used to...
A teleprompter.
The teleprompter. Is it hooked up?
I don't think so.
Presence.
Right. Now whenever he stands at a Podium, the President always puts one hand in the pocket of his coat...
At a press conference.
What?
Thanks, I wrote it.
... Somewhere there is a distant light, guiding us through this rocky shoal...'
Dave...
Dave!
I thought you said I wasn't going to see her.
It's just five minutes. She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves.
Yeah, but the First Lady... Couldn't we start with a cousin or something?
Fine.
Gimme a quarter.
What?
President vetoes works bill?
Dave, the budget's a very complicated thing. Even I don't understand it sometimes. Now occasionally we have to make some cuts and...
Let's call it a night. I can't take any more.
What do you mean you made it all up?
We had to, Dave. The guy's a choir boy.
This is wrong, Alan!
Wrong...
Alan...
We've got to fix this.
`Dave'?
Now he's making stuff up about me.
Yes, Mr. President?
You're spending forty-three million dollars on an ad campaign to... 'Boost consumer confidence in the American auto industry.'
And it's proving quite effective...
Does it make the cars any better?
No, sir. It's more of a perceptual issue.
Perceptual?
Yes, it's designed to bolster individual confidence in a previous domestic automotive purchase.
Why?
Well... to shore up product identification and preserve market share.
So we're spending forty-seven million dollars to make people feel better about a car they've already bought?
Yes, but I wouldn't...
This is from the people of Burundi...
Oh... Thanks.
What are they?
Fertility beads.
Mr. President, may I speak frankly with you?
Something like what...
Oh, come on, we're not children. I didn't have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it.
The Fidelity nonsense...
All I've got is my integrity. That's all I have. Now I don't know why you turned your attack dogs on me.
They re not my attack dogs.
What do you mean?
Oh... Hi.
Dirty business we're in sometimes.
Yeah.
... Sometimes they do.
You ever think back to how you started.
What?
One day my wife says to me 'Why don't you try running for office. You talk about it all the time, why don't you just do it?' So I tell my boss I have a dentist appointment and I go down to the registrar of voters on my lunch break. Next thing I know, I'm a councilman.
Really?
How'd you get started?
Oh my God... I thought it was a legitimate deduction, I swear to God. See... I need a piano for my work sometimes...
Mr. Kovic. We're not here about your taxes.
You're not?
Your government needs your help.
What?
Really?
We'd like to hire you.
So, how long have they been like that - - you know, him and the First Lady?
I can't say.
You mean you don't know or like -- you can't say.
I can't say.
So you just protect the President the whole time? That's your whole job?
Yeah.
You got a gun?
You ever use it?
No.
Huh. You know what I always wondered the way they say you guys'd take a bullet for the President.
What about it?
Well, is that really true? I mean, would you really get killed just to save his life.
Call Bob and Reed. Tell them I need them immediately.
I was waiting for that jack.
You mean with you and everything?
`Bleed for your king.'
What's that?
First thing they teach you at the academy. `Don't give me gold and silver, or other worldly things, just the pride and glory of bleeding for my King.'
You're kidding.
But Bill was your king, not Bob.
Didn't mean to bum you out.
That's okay. You alright down here by yourself?
Who?
The Vice-President...
Well...
You sure you don't want a lift back home?
I would have taken a bullet for I you, Dave.
What are you staring at?
Thanks for doing this, Ellen.
You bet.
Don't you have anything to say to me?
Thanks for doing this, Ellen?
What?
I care about the homeless.
... How could I what?
... You know, if you want to be the same old bastard, that's fine. I can handle it. But don't pull this 'man of the people' bullshit and then do something like this.
I don't understand.
That's not just a works bill you vetoed -- that would have given these kids homes... ... When I think about that little spectacle you pulled with those muppets and that magic trick...
What's wrong with a magic trick?
Look. If there was some mistake...
... . Ellen.
I saw the light. I thought maybe you were up.
Oh... Yeah.
Mind if I sit down?
That was quite a thing you did today.
Anybody would have done it.
Kind of reminds me of that thing you did back in the state legislature.
Oh yeah? Me, too.
I mean, what is it? Another Secretary? A jaunt to the Bahamas with Some 'campaign worker.' Where is he?
When were you all planning to tell me? A year from now? After the election... What's going on here? Dave hesitates.
They asked me to help.
You're leaving?
I'm not the First Lady, anymore. I shouldn't be here.
Where are you going?
Where's home?
Just souvenirs. Towels and stuff.
You1re leaving, too?
How were you gonna get home?
You sure this goes somewhere?
You don't have to keep walking with me. I'm okay from here.
I don't mind.
He said he'll pick it up in a couple of days.
What?
I lock at you and I see Bill... I mean, he's almost dead, but he's right here... I mean, you're right here... alive and...
In fact, I'm not anything like him and... I guess I want you to know that.
Are you hungry?
What?
I really don't have much of an appetite.
That's a secret.
You have a lot of secrets.
So what do you do the rest of the time?
You mean when I'm not running the country?
Yes.
You know, secretaries and stiff.
You find people jobs?
Yeah. Is that funny?
It's just more than anybody else does around here.
You know, Dave -- it is Dave, isn't it? I can't keep all of this a secret.
I know.
It was okay?
Well I guess...
What?
I can't.
I know. I'm sorry...
I mean, I want to... I just, I feel strange...
What's wrong?
They're crucifying you out there.
Yeah, but we got a little bit done. And if you do a little and I do a little... then maybe the next guy'll do a little...
You really believe that?
Yeah. And it's better than not believing it Their faces are inches apart.
Yeah. He's a good man.
Hi.
Hi.
) Thought I needed a little change. You like it?
I saw you on T.V... at his funeral.
I never thought I'd...
I know.
I missed...
So this is it?
... Not exactly the Oval Office.
It could be fun.
I wish I had better news... Our compassion index is off seven points from the last sample and that's down eighteen on the year. The `Cares About People Like Me' numbers are really in the toilet. We're off twenty points from March and that was right after we raised interest rates...
The Monroe?
Did you get someone to double for me there, out front?
We're working on it.
Try to find someone who looks like me this time. That last guy was a joke.
We're all set, sir.
What about the intro?
It'll be on the teleprompter with the rest of the speech.
Who's this priest I'm thanking?
Father Mclntire. He blessed you at the inauguration.
Oh yeah. Did you take care of later on?
All set.
Please...senor...destroy me...one bullet...please.
Please....shoot me.
After hanging up there a few days you will be mad for food...crazed! You will lust for it! YOU WILL BE WORSE THAN ANY OF THEM!
NO...NOOOOOOO...SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!
I'll bargain with you. How many of you are on the island?
Two of us...only two of us...me...and him.
I don't believe you, rebel. Where are your headquarters? On the mainland?
The mainland...is dead...a dead place...nobody there...
Where are your headquarters, rebel? Tell me or I'll let you hang there forever...FOREVER!
There are no...headquarters. There are no...rebels. Only the walking dead. Don't you see. They have won.
Then why did you come here?
To look...look for a place...a place to live in...an empty place...a... new...place...
How did you know we were on this island? Do others know? Will others come?
Help me get him to the boat.
His madness....could be from shock.
What is it?
It's some kind of....elevator. There must be something under the ground here....maybe....military.
What do we do? Let'em know we're here....or what?
It can't be. Are we truly in hell?
What is it?
Are you alright, Doc? You look... you look real bad.
I know it hurts. But it won't be long. Then all the pain will be over. Oh, I wish you could hear me. GOD, GIVE HER THE EARS TO HEAR ME SO SHE KNOWS I DON'T WANT HER TO HURT SO!
Quiet!
You'd hold us back. We have to go on.
Well, Miss Henried, what a coincidence. You're just in time fer a case that seems ta concern you. Guess you didn't care about the other proceedin's we been dealin' with here this mornin'.
I'm sorry. I was...busy. In the lab.
Miss Henried, I think you better...
...Captain Rhodes is trying to...
Sir. It's quite clear that...
SHUT UP, MISS HENRIED! I TOL' YA B'FORE!
THIS IS A TRAVESTY! CAPTAIN RHODES IS...
Now I think Captain's punishment is fair, considerin'. In fact I think you ain't got shit ta complain about.
I'm sorry, General, if I...spoke out of turn. It's just that...Mr Tyler is not here to defend himself. He has no representation. I don't believe due process is being served by...
Listen, Missy. I am the only due process that has ta be served aroun' tyere and one of the people doin' the servin' from now on is gonna be you. Now you been prancin' aroun' the Cave like yer ass was glass fer long enough! All that's
gonna change, young lady. Now if you still got a statement you'd like ta make, you can jus' hold onto it 'til tonight.
Tonight?
The great state of Florida. People came here fer years ta die. Retire and expire. The rest o' the country used ta think we was nothin' but a bunch o' farts and fogies. Hah! Now this here's the new Capital o' the World! Hah! They came here...died...went to hell...and the Devil sent 'em back as an army. Hah! General Gasparilla's army...MY ARMY!
We think there are other cities surviving. We think maybe Detroit... there's some signalling out of Philly.
There's no place like this place. Warm climate. This facility. Christ, there ain't nothin' like this no-damn-where! Even the Feds knew that. That's why they stored so much o' their shit down here. It's all mine now. All mine. Just let 'em try ta come after us down here, which they will some day...take a likin' ta what all we got an' come after
It's not a very big army. And small as it is you won't be able to continue feeding it for very long. We've got to find ways of getting them to respond without relying on...
Bees. That's what we call the dead... the walking dead...here on Gasparilla's island.
Gasparilla?
He was a pirate who sailed these waters long ago. His name is bein' borrowed these days by the long lost Henry Dickerson.
Governor Dickerson? Of Florida?
That's the man. He's been holed up here ever since the shit hit the fan. Him and his family owned these islands 'round here. They was leasin' this one to the Fed. The whole underneath is dug out. There was missiles here and laboratories and bomb proof housing, nuclear power, all o' that. Now this is Dickerson's....Gasparilla's... private fortress. Him and a bunch o'
We ran up against a platoon of soldiers. There were actually walking dead...in uniform...with guns.
Thanks. I can fight my own battles.
The man I was with...until today... believed that praying was for blind men who couldn't see the truth.
How we gonna break the curse without a prayer or two.
Curse?
What is it if it ain't a curse?
It's a disease. It's a...a bug...a parasite that infects the brain.
That sounds like a curse to me.
We thought we were escaping here. We thought we'd found an uninhabited island. Christ! This place is a worse nightmare than anything I've seen yet!
I'm sure that's true, miss. And that's why we're doin' what we're doin'. What's happenin' underground here is just what Lucifer planned for this sinful race o' man. But we're gonna beat Lucifer. We're gonna put an end to what's happenin' here.
Oh, what did I run into? A bunch o' Jesus nuts? Religiosos? Prayer won't stop a bullet from one of those storm troopers and prayer won't keep one of those monsters from eatin' your liver for lunch.
That's why we didn't use prayers on this here white coat 'til after he was destroyed. We ready to fight when we have to. And we gotta fight now.
Look. I BEEN fightin', mister. I been fightin' for what feels like a hundred years and I'm finished. I don't need religion. I don't need prayers. I need a couple guns and a couple hands. We can sail on outa here. Find another island where there ain't so much....traffic.
I can find it myself. I didn't come that far.
Farther than you think. You'll get lost. You will. And there's Bees all through the jungle. I ain't lyin' to ya. Religiosos don't lie.
They seem to be havin' a good time. Some punishment.
Let me go! I'm the one he wants. This is all happening because of me. If I turn myself in...
Toby's right. They're not gonna sit around with their fingers up their asses while we bust up their toys.
Datura.
What?
Datura Metel. The Devil's Trumpet. Don't worry. I ain't goin' religioso again. It's a flower that grows on these islands. Where I come from the voodoo priests used it whenever they needed a Mickey Finn. It's toxic. Ground up you can put it in a drink or inject it...or...in a sealed area it might be introduced through the ventilation system.
Datura! Miguel knew it! Datura, he was shouting! Datura Metel!
We always planned to use it. We got some ground up already...but we could never find enough.
Looks like just two. We can take 'em when the time comes.
What is it?
How long do we have to watch him?
It's alright. I'm a friend. I need help and so do you. What's a safe place to talk?
Ain't no place safe.
I'm gonna have this stuff sent over to the hospital...
The hospital?
Yeah. My stuff's all marked with red crosses so nobody gets too nosey. Meet me at the hospital after the supplies come in. Maybe we can find a place there to talk.
What'dya tell that soldier, soldier? You tell him we was rebels?
There ya go. Complete with air canisters...little motors.
We got a boat.
What?
I say we got a boat. Can you get other stuff?
It won't work. That's pure nitro you're dealin' with there. That stuff can blow if you look at is funny. What're you gonna do, walk into the Cave carryin' those tubes on feather pillows? You don't have a complete layout of the place. Even if you manage to avoid a fight you won't know where to go.
We're hopin' you can show us where ta go, Toby.
Oh, no. I'm tryin' to get off this island alive. I'll help you all I can but I'm not goin' in there on a suicide mission. What can you hope to accomplish? Some radios maybe? A supply room or two? You'll all be killed and in a few weeks they'll be back to business as usual. That place was built to withstand nuclear attack!
We're gonna blow up the powder magazine.
What?
We know what's down there. We did the loading' and unloadin' when the stuff came ashore in the early days. A direct hit oughta do more than a few weeks worth o' damage.
This stuff really works? No shit?
Quicker than gas. And it smells a lot prettier. It usually don't kill but it puts ya under fer a good night's sleep.
If you could knock out the central communications room you could foul up their whole intercom system. Then, if you move fast enough, stay ahead of 'em...without bein' able to signal each other, they might have a hard time catchin' you.
That entrance is closest to the labs and the Bee cages.
That's the general alarm. Jesus! They musta got in!
What you wanna do?
I didn't realise! Those were de-caps! I didn't know that....de-caps... revived!
Any dead whose brains are intact will revive.
But...we bury the heads. Oh. God! It must be torture for them!
They are brutes without feeling. Though I admit that I've requested cremation for myself. Burial is an archaic tradition, even more ridiculous now than it ever was. To say nothing of the...spacing problem...on a small island like this.
I thought the purpose of decapitation was to...to...
He is dying. He knows it.
You are dying, too.
Prayers have no power to save. The knife can save. It can cut the disease away. The bullet. It can shatter the brain where the evil takes seed. These are saviours...our new saviours...our only saviours.
We must wait. One day the curse will pass. One day a dead man will... will...
One day a dead man will refuse to return, and that man will be a saint. The first saint of our century. That's a prayer, too. A catechism. Something the priests tell us to believe.
You can believe this, Miguel. I'll kill you if you shoot. We must wait. I'll....I'll do it....I'll do it myself....when it needs to be done.
Dios mia.
TONY....TONY....
Aaaaaaah...my God...my God...I am heartily sorry...for having offended Thee....offended Thee...
Shhhhh....Tony. Rest, rest.
NOOOOOOOOO!
Come, come, Miss Science. You've seen worse.
God....damn you, Rhodes!
God has damned us all. Are my atrocities worse than yours?
You have ruined weeks of work here! We've been trying to wean these specimens onto alligator meat!
You gave them a fresh taste of blood!
You can't run away from the planet, Miss Science. You can't even run away from the island, heh heh.
You're....you're disgusting! You're....FILTH!
Julie Grant is a behaviouralist. She's not medical. She hasn't been as...exposed to...to things...as some of the rest of us. She'll be alright. I'll talk to her. She'll be alright.
Oh, I have no doubt.
If you put her on the shit list because of her reaction here tonight I'll go to Dickerson.
Ah, yes, our noble Gasparilla does seem to favour you lately. I understand he assigned you a roommate of your choice. The rest of us have to pick names out of a hat.
I had an unfortunate little run-in with him today. In fact...you might say that Mr. Tyler is in big trouble with the...authorities.
You better not mess with me, Rhodes. I'd love to serve your balls to those Red Coats for lunch! Think about it!
Sir. In the matter of the State versus Private Tyler, I don't want to...
Toby...thank God...wait here. I gotta find out what's goin' on.
Hey. Slow down. What is it?
Some of Rhodes' men. At the door.
That bastard. I didn't think he'd make his move so fast.
It's because of me.
Oh, bullshit, Mary. It's because Rhodes is a prick.
I want you to leave. Then maybe...
We're both gonna leave. Leave the island. I've been talkin' to Tricks. We think we can smuggle out one of those inflatable rafts. They're crated up real small. They've got air canisters. There's food inside. Even a little motor.
I am not...a guerilla fighter, Toby. I'm not a pioneer. I'm not...I'm not strong that way. I need...
Need what? Civilised order like we have down here? Christ!
I can work here. Maybe my work can help...help everyone. I can do more good with access to this equipment than I can off in some wasteland.
Mary.
I'll have somebody's ass for this. I'll have your ass, soldier. I'm not gonna stand here and...
Where are you going, Tyler?
My..."detail", sir. We're going to bury the heads.
No time for that. I'll take care of them.
Just....following procedure, sir. They're entitled to burial.
Step up here, Tyler.
You fired that shot, didn't you?
No, sir.
It's been fired.
Hey, Tricks. Some detail they got you on.
Not as bad as yours, pal.
What'dya get?
Rafts. Two 38s. A little ammo.
Tricks...Jesus...
No relation. Never heard of him. Sorry.
Say Steve, where's your manners? Here's Mutt's brother and you don't offer him a drink? Want some bourbon?
So what the hell's Mutt been up to?
Actually I don't really know Mutt.
Well, I'd better find Patsy. Say hello to Mutt for me.
Sounds boring to me.
Don't come.
You know how many demerits we're talking?
So don't goddam come! Please.
All I'm saying is we have to be careful. We can't get caught.
I'm in as long as we're careful.
Do they go to Henley Hall?
I don't think they're in school.
They're townies?!
Cameron, what is the matter with you. You act like they're your mother or something. You afraid of them?
Charlie Dalton.
Why doesn't he let you do what you want?
How was dinner?
Thigh man? Mr. "K" was a hell raiser.
I don't know. I don't get it.
Come on. It'll help you get Chris.
It will? How do you figure?
Women swoon!
The millions are awake enough for Physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive.
I feel like I've never been alive. For years I've been risking nothing. I have no idea what I am or what I want to do! Neil, you know you want to act. Knox wants Chris.
Needs Chris! Must have Chris!
God, I can't take it anymore! If I don't have Chris, I'll kill myself.
Knox, you gotta calm down.
Can you believe it? She was gonna call me! She invited me to a party with her!
At Chet Danburry's house.
Yeah.
Well?
So?
So you really think she means you're going with her?
Well hell no, Charlie, but that's not the point. That's not the point at all!
What is the point?
How'd it go? Did you read it to her?
What do you mean you don't know?
Well, welcome to "Hell"ton.
It's every bit as hard as they say. Unless you're a genius like Meeks.
He flatters me so I'll help him with Latin.
Oh come on, Cameron, don't you get anything?
All right. I'll try anything once.
Yaa, I'm a dead poet!
Ahh! Eat it, Dalton!
Hey guys, why don't you show Tina the Dead Poets garden?
Well...
I hereby declare this the Charles Dalton Cave for Passionate Experimentation. In the future, anyone wishing entry must have permission from me.
Wait a minute, Charlie. This should belong to the club.
Well, of course not. It's just that... You could have warned us.
Oh God, it's over now!
Why? Nobody knows who we are.
Don't you think they'll figure out who did it?! Don't you know they'll come to you and demand to know what the Dead Poets Society is? Charlie, you had no right to do something like that!
Damn it, Nuwanda. You idiot.
But what if they see it, Nuwanda?
I here and now commit myself to daring!
Mr. Keating!
I don't know what misguided impulse caused you to pull that ridiculous stunt, Mr. Dalton, but, whatever it was, I hope you've learned your lesson.
You're siding with Mr. Nolan?! What about carpe diem and sucking all the marrow out of life and all that?
Sucking out the marrow doesn't mean getting the bone stuck in your throat, Charles. You still have responsibilities to yourself and those who care about you.
Yeah? Like what?
Like, if nothing else, the opportunity to attend my classes, understand?
Yes sir.
Anything else you'd care to rifle through, Mr. Dalton?
It's such a strange name! Won't you tell us what it means?
I told you, that's a secret.
Yeah! Don't you guys miss having girls here?
That's right, it's Nuwanda.
I think he's sweet.
You know what really excites me about you?
What?
Every guy that I meet wants me for one thing my body. You're not like that.
I'm not?
No! Anybody else would have jumped my bones by now but you're after my soul. Make me up some more poetry.
But...
Nuwanda? Please?
Don't stop.
"O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."
Welcome. back, Mr. Dalton. How's your father?
Doing fine, sir.
Yes sir. We were just talking about that.
Welton Academy, hello? Yes, he is, just a moment. Mr. Nolan, it's for you.
Who else was involved in this?
No one, sir. It was just me. I did the proofing so I inserted my article in place of Rob Crane's.
Do you still insist that this was your idea and your idea alone?
Yes... sir.
What is this "Dead Potts Society"? I want names.
It's only me, Mr. Nolan. I swear. I made it up.
Hey, I heard you went to summer school?
Yeah, chemistry. My father thought I should get ahead.
Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn't quite flunk English so if you want, we've got our study group.
Sure, but Cameron asked me too. Anybody mind including him?
Hey, he's your roommate.
Todd's brother is Jeffrey Anderson.
Okay, so I don't like it any more than you do. I'm just saying
I don't know about anyone else, but I could use a refresher in Latin. Eight o'clock in my room?
Sure.
Who's in?
I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately." I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life!"
All right. I'll second that.
Charlie, That was great! Where did you learn to play like that?
Charlie...
It's Nuwanda.
Nuwanda, what is going on?
Where'd you find them?
You what?! How did you do that?
You still shouldn't have done it, Charlie. You don't speak for the club.
What happened? Were you kicked out?
No.
What happened?
What are you going to do? - Charlie?
Why don't you talk to Mr. Keating about it?
What good will that do?
Maybe he'll have some advice. Maybe he'll even talk to your father.
This is stupid.
It's all right, Chet.
Chris. We got it. Let's go.
Oh Chet, that feels fabulous,
It does? What?
Don't stop.
Stop what?
What are you doing?!
You fucked up little prick!
Pleased to meet you.
So, uh, where are you in school?
That's your sister school, right?
Sort of.
Hello?
Hello Chris, this is Knox Overstress.
Knox. Oh yes, Knox. I'm glad you called.
Well, sure!
Chet's parents don't know about it, so please keep it quiet. But you can bring someone if you like.
Oh, hi. I'm glad you made it. Did you bring anybody?
No.
Ginny Danburry's here. Look for her.
But, Chris...
carpe breastum. Seize the breast.
Chris!
If Chet sees you, he'll kill you, don't you know that?
I don't care. I love you, Chris. You deserve better than Chet and I'm it. Please accept these.
Knox, I don't believe this!
Chris!
Knox, why are you doing this to me?
If they catch you here, we'll both be in big trouble.
Oh, but it's fine for you to come barging into my school and make a complete fool out of me?
I didn't mean to make a fool of you.
Well, you did! Chet found out and he's nuts. It took everything I could do to keep him from coming here and killing you. You have to stop this stuff, Knox.
But I love you.
Of course I know you! From the first time I saw you, I knew you had a wonderful soul.
Just like that?! You just knew?
Of course just like that. That's how you always know when it's right.
And if it so happens that you're wrong? If it just so happens that I could care less About you?
Look, I've got to go. I'm gonna be late for the play.
Are you going with Chet?
Chet? To a play? Are you kidding?
Then come with me.
Knox, you are so infuriating!
Just give me one chance. If you don't like me after tonight, I'll stay away forever.
Uh-huh.
I promise. Dead Poets honor. Come with me tonight, then if you don't want to see me again, I swear I'll bow out.
God, if Chet found out he'd...
Chet won't know anything. We'll sit in back and sneak away as soon as it's over.
Knox, if you promise that this will be the end of it-
Dead Poets honor.
What is that?
I have to go home. Chet might call.
We thought it would be good to break old habits, sir.
What is wrong with old habits, Mr. Overstreet?
They perpetuate mechanical living, sir. They limit your mind.
Mr. Overstreet, I suggest you worry less about breaking old habits and more about developing good study habits. Do you understand?
Yes sir.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. The Latin term for that sentiment is "Carpe Diem." Anyone know what that means?
Carpe Diem... seize the day.
Very good, Mr._?
Meeks.
The hoi polloi. Doesn't it mean the herd?
And don't limit poetry to the word. Poetry can be found in a work of art, music, a photograph, in the way a meal is prepared--anything with the stuff of revelation in it. It can exist in the most everyday things but it must never, never be ordinary By all means, write about the sky or a girl's smile but when you do, let
Oh Captain, My Captain. What if we don't know anything about someone like Rahesh Non?
We used to meet here on special occasions. Who would like to convene the meeting?
This was my first classroom, John, did you know that? My first desk.
I didn't know you taught.
English. Way before your time. It was hard giving it up, I'll tell you. I'm hearing rumors, John, of some unusual teaching methods in your classroom. I'm not saying they have anything to do with the Dalton boy's outburst, but I don't think I have to warn you that boys his age are very impressionable.
Your reprimand made quite an impression I'm sure.
What was going on in the courtyard the other day?
Courtyard?
Boys marching. Clapping in unison.
Oh that. That was an exercise to prove a point. About the evils of conformity.
John, the curriculum here is set. It's proven. It works. If you question it, what's to prevent them from doing the same?
I always thought education was learning to think for yourself.
A yawp?
Good god, boy! Yell!
Yawp!
Again! Louder!
YAWP!
LOUDER!
AHHHHHH!
Todd, there's a picture of Whitman over the door. What does he remind you Of? Quickly, Anderson, don't think about it.
A madman.
A madman. Perhaps he was. What kind of madman? Don't think! Answer.
A crazy madman.
Use your imagination! First thing that pops to your mind, even if it's gibberish!
A... A sweaty-toothed madman.
Now there's the poet speaking! Close your eyes and think of the picture. Describe what you see. NOW!
I... I close my eyes. His image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.
Excellent! Have him act. Give it rhythm!
Stretch it, pull it, it will never cover any of us. Kick at it, beat at it, it will never be enough-
Don't stop!
Come on boys, don't be shy.
Mr. Keating? Sir? Oh Captain My Captain. What was the Dead Poets Society?
Ah, so you boy's have been snooping.
I was just looking in an old annual and...
What did the name mean. Did you only read dead poets.
Oh Captain, My Captain, we came here so I could talk to you about something.
Okay.
Gosh, they don't give you much room around here, do they?
Maybe they don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching.
Why do you do it? I mean, with all this seize-the-day business, I'd have thought you'd be out seeing the world or something?
Ah, but I am seeing the world, Neil. The new world. Seeing a student like you take root and bloom. It's worth everything. That's why I came back here. A place like this needs at least one teacher like me. Did you come here to talk about my teaching?
Mr. Keating, my father is making me quit the play at Henley Hall. When I think about carpe diem and all that, I feel like I'm in prison! I mean, I can see his point. We're not a rich family like Charlie's. But he's planned the rest of my life for me and he's never even asked me what I want!
You can't live a life for someone else, Neil. You can only live for yourself. Have you told your father what you just told me? Have you shown him your passion about acting?
Are you kidding? He'd kill me!
Neil, I know this seems impossible but you have to go to your father and show him what you're feeling. You have to let him see who you are- It's your only chance.
I know what he'll say. He'll say that acting is just a whim and that it's frivolous and that I should forget about it. He'll tell me how they're counting on me and to put it out of my mind "for my own good."
Well, if it's more than a whim, then you'll have to prove that to him. You'll have to show him with your passion and commitment that it's what you really want to do. If that doesn't work, at least by then you'll be eighteen and able to do what you want.
Eighteen! That's two years! What about the play? The performance is tomorrow night!
Give your father the benefit of the doubt. Talk to him. Let him see who you are.
Isn't there an easier way?
What did your father say? Did you talk to him?
Yeah.
Really? You told your father what you told me? You let him see your passion for acting?
Too bad.
It's not too bad. It's a tragedy! Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?!
All the good ones go for jerks, you know that. Forget her. Take out your trig book and figure out problem twelve.
You really think I should forget her?
Damn. Damn! If I could just get Chris to read this poem!
Why don't you read it to her? It worked for Nuwanda.
She won't even see me, Pitts.
All right! What'd she say?
Wait a minute. I don't let my parents walk on me.
All right. Jesus, what are you gonna do?
They're friends of my dad. Probably in their nineties or something.
Are you crazy? What's wrong with that?
You know what the dead poets would say: Gather ye rosebuds while ye may...
Where are you going?
I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it. It's just a bunch of people trying to impress Nolan.
Any group pictures in the annual?
His grades are hurting, Charlie.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
I gotta get to the tryouts. Wish me luck.
But father, I'm assistant editor.
I'm sorry, Neil.
But father, it's not fair.
I will not be disputed in public, do you understand me?
Father, I wasn't disputing you.
When you've finished medical school and you're on your own, you can do as you please. Until then, you will listen to me.
Yes sir. I'm sorry.
You know what this means to your mother, don't you?
You know me, always taking on too much.
Father!
Neil, you are going to quit this ridiculous play immediately.
Don't you dare talk back to me! It's bad enough that you've wasted your time with this absurd acting business. But you deliberately deceived me! Who put this in your head? How did you expect to get away with it? Answer me!
Nobody- I thought I'd surprise you. I've got all As and-
Did you really think I wouldn't find out?! "My niece is in a play with your son," Mrs. Marks says. "You must be mistaken," I say. "My son isn't in a play." You made a liar out of me, Neil! Now you will go tomorrow and tell them you are quitting.
Father, I have the main part. The performance is tomorrow night. Father, please.
I don't care if the world is coming to an end tomorrow night, you are through with that play! Is that clear? Is that clear!
Weird.
I say we go tonight. Everybody in?
Where is this cave he's talking about?
Beyond the stream. I think I know.
What is this, a midnight study group?
Look at this.
What is it?
I hear we're going to be roommates. Neil Perry.
Why'd you leave Balincrest?
My brother went here.
My parents wanted me here all along but my grades weren't good enough. I had to go to Balincrest to pull them up.
Well, you've won the booby prize. Don't expect to like it here.
So what do you think of my father?
I'll take him over mine.
What?
Nothing.
Want to come to the study group?
What is it then?
I... I just don't want to come.
But why? Don't you understand what Keating is saying? Don't you want to do something about it?
Yes. But
Put what? Goddamn it, tell me.
I don't want to read.
What?
Keating said everybody took turns reading. I don't want to do it.
I've found it.
Found what?
A Midsummer Night's Dream. What is it?
A play, dummy.
I know that. What's it got to do with you?
They're putting it on at Henley Hall. See, open try-outs.
So?
So I'm gonna act! Ever since I can remember I've wanted to try it. Last summer I even tried to go to summer stock auditions but of course my father wouldn't let me.
And now he will?
Neil, how are you gonna be in a play if your father won't let you?
First I gotta get the part, then I'll worry about that.
Won't he kill you if you don't let him know you're auditioning?
As far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of it.
Come on, that's impossible.
Horseshit. Nothing's impossible.
Why don't you ask him first? Maybe he'll say yes.
That's a laugh. If I don't ask, at least I won't be disobeying him.
But if he said no before then...
By the way, there's a meeting this afternoon. You coming?
None of what Mr. Keating has to say means shit to you, does it?
What is that supposed to mean?
Being in the club means being stirred up by things. You look about as stirred up as a cesspool.
You want me out... is that what you're saying?
No, I want you in. But being in means you gotta do something. Not just say you're in.
Listen Neil, I appreciate your interest in me but I'm not like you. When you say things, people pay attention. People follow you. I'm not like that.
Why not? Don't you think you could be?
No! I don't know, I'll probably never know. The point is, there's nothing you can do about it so butt out, all right? I can take care of myself just fine. All right?
Er No.
No? What do you mean 'no'?
Neil, how are you gonna do this?
Sssh. That's what I'm taking care of. They need a letter of permission.
From you?
From my father and Nolan.
Neil, you're not gonna...
Todd, what's the matter?
It's my birthday.
This is your desk set. I don't get it.
They gave me the exact same thing as last year!
Oh..
Well, maybe they thought you'd need another one. Maybe they thought...
Look, Todd, you're obviously under- estimating the value of this desk set.
what?
I mean, this is one special gift! Who would want a football or a baseball bat or a car when they could get a desk set as wonderful as this one!
Here, villain, draw and ready. where art thou?
I will be with thee straight.
Follow me then to plainer ground. God, I love this!
This play?
You should come to rehearsals. I know they need people to work the lights and stuff.
No thanks.
Lots of girls. The girl who plays Hermia is incredible.
I'll come to the performance.
Chicken shit. Where were we?
Yea, art thou there?
Put more into it!
YEA, ART THOU THERE?!
Visit from my father.
Do you have to quit the play?
You the Captain?
Yes.
How do we get out of here?
Who are you?
He's the owner...
It's not going to help us!
They are...they are everywhere.
Who?
We don't even know if his boat is still there...you saw Billy!
Nobody's shooting nobody...come on, just let us through the hatch!
I once saw a guy put a fish in a bottle, then he corked it, sealing it tight, and threw it to a baby octopus. The little sucker felt its way around that bottle, and in less than two minutes, got that cork off, slid inside, and ate that fish.
What the hell are you talking about?
And what? These things are octopusses?
You remember the first time we met Finnegan? I think you were just starting out...smuggling gold off Sumatra for those two Chinese...what did we use to call them?
Fok Yu and Fok Yu Two...are we strolling down memory lane for any particular reason?
No, it just struck me as odd...I don't see you for all these years and you've still got the same tape stuck in the box.
Right here...middle of nowhere...
Right here...middle of nowhere...and the answer to your question is yes.
Which question is that?
The one you came up to ask...are we on schedule?
Don't mind him Finnegan...you remember 25...balls of steel... splashing around in a sea of testosterone.
This isn't right Finnegan. I've got a contract.
20 hours on the clock. Out and back. Double for overtime.
And no questions asked.
Who asked any?
He did...with a crowbar...you know the rules on a broken contract.
Speedboat in the middle of the ocean...
How soon can we get up and running?
We can't...we got one engine dead, and the other limping badly.
We were talking about my schedule...
You're going to have to get a new one.
Not an option.
Great woman your mother. Real foresight.
I assume somebody up there has made sure no distress signal can be sent.
Where are my men?
Hanover, listen...
Now, where's Mulligan? Where's Vivo?
Shut up! Shut up all of you! Now here's what we're doing... Mamooli is going to take you back to fix your engines, Chin and I are staying here to finish the job...
Did you clear this?
Who gives a shit about aft?
That's where my boat's moored.
You trying to take over my show Finnegan, that what you trying to do?
Maybe we lost them.
I'm not staying here!
Now look what you did!
I saved your life is what I did!
What other bunch?
The thieves.
I'm not a thief.
Then who are you?
Unless you collected on the insurance...
What are you people talking about?
I was born in a City housing project in the Bronx OK? It's not in the cards that I die on a luxury cruise ship...now which way up?
Noooo!
Jesus Christ lady...
What are those things?
Hey! Hey! Where are you going?
But what makes you think there aren't more of those...things...back there?
You don't have to be so touchy.
Look lady, I know you people are used to getting your way...
What's that supposed to mean? You people.
You people...rich people...
I'm not rich people.
Well, you sure do a good imitation.
So this boat of yours...that's what you do? Give people...rides.
That's what I do.
Seen a lot of islands?
Quite a few.
Since I'm a kid, I had this dream... I want to own my own tropical island... Beaches, warm ocean, lots of food, little clothes...population of one...
Anti social?
Self sufficient...
With the emphasis on SELF, and in selfish, right?
I don't know where it is!
Got it?
Hey! I didn't have to come back.
Yeah you did...
Right... You have a boat.
Boat or no boat... You woulda come back anyway. You're that kind of gal.
Oh yeah? What kind is that?
The "come back" kind.
How do you know that?
Like cattle...
You're saying they can think?
What's the matter?
What is it?
A meat locker.
Looking good...
So how do you get from the Bronx to the South China sea?
I was so goddamn close, Finnegan! So goddamn close to my island... I could almost taste the sand...
It's not them...it's it...
What?
Oh my god! Oh my god! How do we do it? How do we get there?
Finnegan...
Yeah...
There's not much horsepower left in the engines, but there's enough noise...once this baby's set...I'll rev it up...that slimy bastard will come for it like candy...
If you blow up your boat, how are we going to get to the island?
How about noise? Can you get noise? We don't need speed, just noise, right?
You want ME to go up there?
Not unless you can wire a missle or fix an engine.
I don't mean to drop in unannounced ...you ready...
Three minutes...I'm not back...no matter what...you go...
No...
You don't take orders very well, do you?
I don't take orders at all.
Where's you friend?
Let's just keep going.
The hulls of these things are supposed to be impregnable...
So?
So...If the hull's impregnable why are my feet wet?
Hanover!! Hanover!!
Shut up! You hear me!!
...we gotta get outta here -- NOW.
Can we use our indoor voice please...
If I told you once...I told you a thousand times...
Here's what I think...I think these mokes below are a hit sqaud.
...Jagger was here...I was here...
You don't give a shit about anything do you?
Sure I do...I give a shit that at 0300 hour we reach our point of dentination. I give a shit that those mojos got to do what they got to do, and 45 minutes later we are turn around and gone. I give a shit that by the time the sun comes up we are all safely tucked in bed.
That's it? That's all you give a shit about?
What did you do the my kids!!
Me??
I think he knows that Joey.
You know what I'm gonna do after this...I'm gonna get a normal life...
Joey...
Joey...it's okay...
What? You don't think I can have a normal life?
It's okay...come on...
Finnegan, what the hell was that?
I don't know...you got what we need?
Joey... Which way's aft?
Don't shoot!! Don't shoot!!
Not even a Joey, I'm glad to see you? Joey, what happened to your leg?
Joey, you want to get sucked out by a giant fucking mutated squid?
Red cross over to blue double blue ...is that what it is? A squid?
Squid...squid like...squid type... it's got tentacles, a feed sac... probably one central nervous processor somewhere...what the hell do I know is going on deep down in the ocean...there's all sorts of shit we've never seen...eighty foot clams...60 foot sharks...I'm just guessing...can you get me more juice out of Hercules...fast?
Can somebody tell me what the object of the exercise is here?
I've never seen you so congenial with a mamber of the opposite sex... The two of you got a nice patter going...got a nice rapport...
You know what I think? I think our luck has just about run shit out...
A little to the left...
I think we gotta stop floating from one fucked up situation to the next...
I'm telling you, man, we got to give the future some serious thought.
I have been.
And what have you come up with?
Man, don't go up there...
She's gone...
Second whistle you make it to the deck and get ready to jump...
All you're gonna do is get yourself killed...and for what? Some chick?
Was it the water in my eyes or were you guys about to...
Joey...
Because it's cool, you know, I can always take a walk or something down the beach...
Joey...
Or maybe not.
I mean...where is everbody?
You tell it straight or I pull the trigger. Who are you?
Where are you going?
Why don't you back off?
You know what my goal is? Before I die I want to make love to a woman from every country on earth.
You mean countries that are acknowledged by the UN...or like made up countires too?
What the hell does that mean?
I thought the plan was we'd evacuate them after we got through.
Maybe plans changed...
What was that?
Nothing.
Someone's back there.
Check it out!
I'm not screwing around with you man...I hate the cold water.
What is it man?
Maybe it's the wrong ship.
Hey! What are you trying to pull!
Why don't you help us so we can get done faster so we can get the hell out of here?
Don't shoot, man, don't shoot!
What's there to think about?? That THING back there...
She fucked you?
She fucked me.
She fucked me too.
She fucked you?
She fucked us both.
Yeah.
Fucking women, man...
Fuel up. Need fuel.
Those are mine!
You want 'em?
Damn right!
That's mustard!
What?
You just put mustard on your Hershey bar.
I'll get the boots.
Get the boots.
Maxie! Hey Maxie wha'd'ya say!
Here. Here we go. Here's to you, Nick!
Yes, Albert?
John,we're going huntin'.
Who's going?
We're all going.
Nick's going?
Nick, Vince, Albert and John.
Here's to huntin'.
Sweet! Oh, that is sweet!
Damn right!
And we want you to know, Sal, that any help you might need--
Ammo! Get the ammo!
It is not!
This is it. Definitely. This is it, but they changed it.
You're full of shit.
Who's full of shit?
You're full of shit!
I'm telling you, they changed it!
They did not!
They did too!
I thought that was it.
It's gotta be the next one. I mean it's gotta be! Right, Albert?
Fuckin' A. It's gotta!
What the --!
It's Nick!
Where the hell were you? We were all set -- beer, broads. Right? Am I right?
Fuckin' guy's been shooting slants, Albert! I mean, what do you think?
I know, but...
What do you think? You think he's been picking flowers? Fuckin' guy's been saving your ass, Albert. Everybody's ass! Even in Europe!
Tell him, Vince!
Hey, Nick, I mean... This here is for the guy that gets caught!
Let's go!!!
You're full of shit, Vince! You're so full of shit you're going to float away!
Who? Who is?
You, Vince! You! You are! You're a crock! You're a walking, talking crock!... I mean, what do you know?
I know! I fuckin' know!
You don't!
I do!!!
I'm tellin' you she does it, Vince! With twenty guys you know!
She does not!
Then what's the gun for! What's this for?
In case!!! The gun's in case!!!
In case???!!! In case of what? In case you stumble on her, suckin' cock in the front fucking hall?!
She might!!! She might do it, Albert, but you can't fuckin' tell me that she does!!!
Albert! For Christ's sake... John! Wait a minute, you guys!
It won't open.
You gotta hit it here. Here, Albert, not there.
Where should I hit it? Just show me where I should hit it.
That's new, isn't it?
Couple of weeks... Listen --
Whee-uu!
I got delayed. I --
Look who's talkin'! Jes'! He got married! Vince got married!
Married?
He's serious. Vince is fuckin' serious!
Fucking A.
He's real bad, Nick.
Well, where the hell is he!!! I mean what are we all sitting here for!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???
Nick! Nick, you'll kill him!... Easy. Nick, easy! Hey, hey. Vince goes back a long way.
You're back.
Yeah.
I'm glad. Seriously... I'm very glad.
Angela, I just heard Sal was alive.
Sure. Why not.
Where? Where is he?
Nick, he's fine. He's in a hospital and they're fixing him up.
You talk to him?
Oh, sure... Twice a day.
What hospital is he in? Where?
Nick... Sal is very weak. He suffered a severe wound... and right now he doesn't want a whole lot of people to get involved in a whole thing.
Hey, Angela, Sal and I go back a long way.
Did you ever think life would turn out like this?
No.
I have to go.
But you must come in.
No, I --
But I insist.
I have to go.
See, I'm going home.
Ah yes. Of course. To the girl who waits.
Yeah... Do you mind if I sit?
But of course! Please make yourself comfortable. Perhaps you would enjoy some fresh caviar, or une petite glace, or --?
No. None of that.
C'est tres amusant... You have been promoted. And to a Jew... I am joking of course. Naturellement. Seriously, Nick, may I hope that you have come to play?
I came to see Merle.
Ah. Merle. And you know Merle?
Yeah.
You are his friend.
Where is he???
I love Linda, see. I love Linda more than I can even say.
Everybody love Linda.
That's right. That's exactly what I mean!
I love Linda. Myself, I love Linda so much!
Only,good people love Linda, see. What Linda has, Linda --
How you like to have nice fuck with Linda? You like that? Special, crazy fuck just like with Linda?
You mean...?
You like to call me Linda now?
Linda, yeah.
Wait! First I give you special fuck!
She's in back.
Thanks.
How was huntin'?
Oh. Fine.
Get anything?
No.
Those fuckin' niggers. This time I'm going to eat balls!... You ever try 'em?
Naw.
Boy, do I love this conflict. Huh?... What the hell were you doin' in there?
You know a guy named Merle?
Merle? That's who we're looking for. Merle.
Yeah?
Sure! I got eight hundred potatoes says he goes one more... He retired, you know.
Yeah?
Hey, guys...
Look at that, see... Watch. Wait a minute, watch. There! D'j'u see that? D'j'u see the way he... You know what that guy is doing? That guy is squeezing her ass!
Oh, well...
Get 'em! For Christ sake, get 'em!
Holy shit!
Vince. Hey, you guys --
Take last night...! Last night he coulda had twenty fuckin' deer! More! He coulda had more! And look what he does! I mean look what he fuckin' does!!!
Hey, Nick...
'Course how could you miss, right? Twenty, maybe thirty feet. I mean, if I'd'a been where you guys were --
Where's it gone?
Nick! Hey, Nick! Boy! Boy oh boy! Are you okay? You're okay, huh?
Fine. Hey, I'm fine.
Rough, huh?
Rough. We didn't have to do it, John.
No?
No. How's Angela? How's she taking it?
Not so good.
No?
Sal.
Talked to Sal? Sal's alive?
Kind of. You didn't know?
Why?... What do you mean?... Why???
Nick, she won't say why.
But Sal's mother! What about Sal's mother!
She's out of her tree, Nick. She is straight out of her tree.
Biederman! Where's Biederman!
Here.
You Biederman?
Biederman, yes.
Please! Please mister, please! This is vital I go to Saigon. This is very important. Most important.
Listen, Biederman, I'm going to club you into the floor unless you tell me what the fuck is so important.
That I must not tell you. Top secret. You see there. Topmost secret.
Biederman!
Linda...
Hi. Nick, your shoes are soaking.
Linda, what's the matter?
I was just wondering... Nick... You're going hunting... If I could use this place to stay, because...
Sure. Are you kidding? Sure.
I'd want to pay you... and I was thinking --
Linda... Hey, Linda...
I would want to pay you, Nick... and I was thinking --
Linda, Linda...!
What?
Will you marry me?
Okay.
I don't know what we've been waiting for!
Sit with Linda, man, will ya?... Give her a beer. Would you like a beer?
Sure.
What kind of beer would you like?
I don't know.
I thought... Oh, Nick, I thought you were hurt, some accident. Maybe you fell or maybe some car... I thought someone stole you away!
No.
How are you?
Fine. I'm fine. How are you?
Fine. I just go along, you know. Down at the market. Back here. I mean it just seems there's a million things to do!... Are you sure you're all right? I mean, what about the wound?
That was nothing. That wasn't anything.
But --
It was just the complications. I mean, you take a little thing over there and then you get complications. I mean all the guys had it.
How's the trailer?
Great. Fine... Once or twice it did fall off the blocks. I don't know what that's from.
Frost.
Is that what it is? I couldn't figure out.
Did you get hurt? You didn't get hurt?
Nick?... I just want to say how sorry I am about Sal and about Merle. How... I know you loved them and I know it's not the same. I mean now.
Naw, it's... I mean...
Maybe... I don't know, if you want to talk --
Does this... I mean, how does this job work out?
No-o-o!
I'll kill 'em. Anybody bothers you, I'll kill 'em!
Nick?
What are you doing?
Oh. Nothing... Sitting.
You're going hunting?
What?
Yeah... All the guys, we're all going huntin'. Like we did. You know? Like we always used to.
Linda... Honey, what's wrong?
I don't know.
I'm just so lonely.
C'mon. I've got the car.
You seem... disturbed.
I... No. You do this for money?
Mais certainment... A great deal of money. Naturally I do not do it myself. I myself do not possess the nerve. But I am always... how do you say... looking out for those who do... It is a thing quite rare. Champagne perhaps? Tch, tch. Don't say no. When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life and that no man
Up north.
Ah yes. Of course... So few survive. La creme de la creme... How did you obtain release?
Playing.
Playing?
We... Three bullets.
How extremely clever. That is really most extraordinaire... Allow me please to introduce myself. I am Armand... And you are?
Who the hell is he?
You can do it, Sal.
No. No, no.
Sal... listen to me, Sal! You have to do it.
I want to go home, Merle.
You have to think about this, Sal. Listen to me, Sal! You have to think about this.
This is horrible!
Listen to me, Sal. If you don't do it they'll put you in the pit. If they put you in the pit, Sal, you're gonna die... Sal, do you understand?
Merle?
Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?
Sal! Sal... Goddamn it, Sal, don't you know anything?
Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?
Humper's ready. Old humper's hotter'n damn hell!
Won't we? Right? Am I right?
You should have put that on last night.
I know.
That way it sets.
I just wait. You know?
Huh?
I just wait. For this... It's what I wait for... I wait all year.
So do I.
You do?
You think about it?
Yeah.
So do I. I want to be ready... You have to be ready... It has to be there, in your mind.
The shot?
Fucking A.
I don't think about the shot that much.
You have to think about the shot. It's the shot. The shot's it.
Yeah... I guess.
What do you think about?
I don't know... I guess I think about the deer... Being out, maybe. I don't know. I think about it all. Hell, I like the trees, you know? I like the ways the trees are, all the different ways the trees are too.
I'll tell you something, Nick. I wouldn't hunt with anyone but you. I won't hunt with a yo-yo.
Yo-yo! Who's a yo-yo?
Who's a yo-yo...? Who do you think's a yo-yo! They're all yo yo's. I mean they're all great guys, for Christ's sake, but... The point is, Nick, without you I'd hunt alone. Seriously. I would. That's what I'd do.
You're a fucking nut. You know that, Merle? You're a fucking maniac!
Nick, he just came back.
From Nam?
What'd he say?
Pow.
Pow?
Pow.
Is he from here?
Hell no!
You think we'll ever come back?
From Nam?
I love this fuckin' place... That sounds crazy. I know that sounds crazy, but I love this fuckin' place... If anything happens, Nick, don't leave me there. I mean it. Don't leave me... You gotta promise, Nick. You gotta promise me that.
Merle --
Promise! You gotta promise!
It's ahead, by the tree.
Hey, Nick?
Huh?
Tomorrow I go with Vince.
Hunt with Vince?
I'm telling you, Nick, no one's going to come.
What are you, God?
Listen, asshole, it's up to us!
They bombed last night, right? Didn't they bomb? If they bombed last night, they could bomb tonight. They could be up there right now!
What are you, hoping?
What else?
I thought you might be praying.
I'm doing that too.
I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?
What do you think?
Nick, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!
You're right... Okay, you're right.
Get off your ass, Nick. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!
Okay, okay! Okay. Okay, you're right... What about Sal?
Forget Sal.
What do you mean?
I mean forget Sal... Sal can't take it, Nick.
Forget Sal?
Forget Sal... Listen to me -- forget Sal! I've been working on Sal since dawn, Nick. Sal's in a dream and he won't come out. LISTEN!!! From here on you gotta go for you. You hear me? For you!
Merle...
We gotta play with more bullets.
We what?
We gotta play with more bullets, Nick. It's the only way.
More bullets in the gun?
More bullets in the gun... The trouble is that still leaves one of us with his hands tied up, so that means we gotta play each other.
With more bullets?... Against each other?... Are you crazy!!! Are you fucking nuts!!!
How many bullets?
Three bullets -- minimum.
No way. No fucking way!
I'll pick the moment, Nick. The game goes on until I move. When I start shooting, go for the nearest guard and get his gun.
No. No way!
When you get the AK, open up. You got me? Open up.
Merle...! Jesus! Hey, how are you?
Nick!... I thought you went home.
I did. I... This is stolen. I came back.
How's Linda?
Fine. She's fine... Merle, what the hell are you doing?
I like it, Nick.
Bullshit! That's bullshit!
You wanna bet?
I'll betcha! That's bullshit and I'll betcha! You're fulla shit!
Here, here! This is it!
Watch it, shithead!
Sure I got boots. I got boots right here.
Then lemme have 'em.
No.
No!!!?
No.
What do you mean, no???
That's it. No. No way.
Some fuckin' friend... You're some fuckin' friend, Merle!
You're one fuckin' bastard, Merle. You know that? You're one fucking bastard!
This is this, Vince. This isn't something else. This is this!
Where's Vince?
Not tonight?... You're not driving up tonight?
As soon as you're hitched, Sal. First we get you hitched.
Don't worry what it says in the book.
Right.
Just forget that. Forget what it says in the book.
I'm gonna start slow... At the top. Then I'm gonna work down.
Great. That's great.
See you Monday.
Sal? Sal, it's me, Nick.
Nick. Hey. How's things?
Oh. You know. How's it with you?
Same. Hey. Same old stuff.
What's that noise?
What?
What's that noise?
John Wayne... Listen, Nick --
Great. Hey. That's great.
Listen, Nick --
John Wayne's great... Listen, Sal. Jesus. When are you getting out?
I'm gonna stay here, Nick.
What?
Place is great. Really. One great place... Basketball, bowling. You name it. Canasta. Hearts. Lots of guys are making salad bowls. What I'll do is make a salad bowl for you, unless you'd rather have a pencil holder. The pencil holder's neat, I mean --
Wait a minute. Sal. Hold it. John Wayne's making so much noise I can hardly --
Sal, we need you. We need you.
Hey, Nick. How can you need me?
Sal, you're gonna die! You're gonna sit in that corner watching soaps and you're gonna die!... I'm not saying it's gonna be the same. It's not gonna be the same, but whatever it's gonna be we're all gonna do it, Sal. God damn it we are! We are gonna do it!
Nick. I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared to go home.
Did you go hunting.
Yeah.
Did you get one?
No.
You didn't get a deer?
I tracked this one, a big buck. God, he was such a beauty--! What's this suitcase here?
Where?
Maybe you could use socks, Nick. Jesus, I mean, come to think of it socks are pretty expensive now.
It's Merle, Sal.
Merle? ... Merle's alive? How do you know?
I saw him last night. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was out of my mind.
Merle gave me this?
Yeah.
Oh cards, maybe. Poker... It's getting cold, Sal. I'm going to take you in. We'll call Angela. The guys can help her bring you home... Did I tell you I was going on a trip?
Trip? What do you mean, Nick? You said you'd be --
It's okay. Hey, it's okay! Just a week. Just to see Phantom Mary.
Phantom Mary?
Didn't I ever tell you about Phantom Mary?
No.
Well... Phantom Mary's on my mother's side. Naturally no one there admits it because Phantom Mary's pretty weird... You want to hear the whole story?
Yeah!
He's getting married... and we're nuts!
How're you guys... I mean, how've you guys been?
Well, who'd you get married to?
Cynthia! Sure.
That's who.
What the hell's that for?
How's it feel, huh? How's it feel to be back?
Great. Feels great... Fuckin' A!
I mean, I guess you still think about Nam. Right? I mean --
Naw. Uh-huh.
Hey, Nick, you ever do it with one of those slants?
No.
No!
Never one.
Oh, Jesus! You're kiddin'!
One, Vince... you have to understand, doing it with one... would be... like nothing. They're small, see, so if you're smart you get about six or eight. I mean, if you want to have any fun.
Six or eight. And they go wild?
You're full of shit!
Yeah.
And I believed you! I oughta punch you out! I oughta...! Hey. Hey, let's go huntin'! Albert! Hey, Albert! Let's go huntin'. What do you say? Nick? What do you say?
Just like always! Just like it always was! Right, Nick? Am I right?
What the hell was that! What did you think? Did you think it was loaded!
You loaded it, Vince! I saw you!
The fuck I did!!!
Quiet!... Quiet!!!... Awright, everybody, Nick has a few words.
Up I would say... What would you say?
Up.
Down I would say... What would you say?
Down.
Up a little there... What would you say?
Looks like ya gonna take office just in time, Chief. Things need straightening up in this city.
What'cha got, Bennett?
Witnesses say some wacko went Judge hunting with a late model. I got an artist working on a computer composite now.
Technothugs?
No chance. Not their sector. They ain't even into things this big. Our zone-boy's performing out of a horror show. Something else. Unit nine found a couple cold ones in Hollywood. One Manny Turner. Gun runner. Sounds like a connection to me.
That's him. Simon Doucet.
Jesus. Sweet Jesus. We've got trouble.
This monster escaped from Cryo- Prison this morning.
Well, he's sure working fast ain't he?
Yeah?
Talk fast. Polls open in half an hour.
Michael called yesterday. He wants to take Willy for the summer.
What did you say?
Mr. Murphy asked about you again at work yesterday.
He just wants me to make him cinnamon cookies like I made for you.
I think he wants more than your cookies.
Kimberly!
Who is it?
My man Dubbs.
I want to ask you a few questions.
Funny guy.
Fuck you - fuck you.
You helped set up my partner, Sergeant William Wade. I want to know who put you up to it.
Speak up.
I worked for him... still do. Said he'd make sure I was left alone if I helped put Wade away. He kept his promise for twenty years.
It was Wade's old partner... Gallagher. He was behind it all.
Looks like you did more than jackoff while I was gone.
Maybe re-animating you wasn't such a bright idea. You look like shit.
Twenty years have passed, Wade. Lay it to rest.
I was set up and you know it... but you swore under oath I was dirty. You helped bury me.
I'm not on the force anymore.
Well, you've just been taken off the bench.
I want to see my wife and kid.
Later. I want Doucet first.
I told you. I'm out of the cops and robbers business. Retired twenty years ago. I've been trained as a bus driver. Got a whole route planned and everything. Even nailed down the lingo - '<u>Exact change, please</u>'.
What's this?
Mug sheets.
Edicon system made these. Ages, photographs. We use it to find missing children.
He's not that old yet. You've lost confidence in me.
You son-of-a-bitch. How do you stop it?
We have an antidote that'll retard the aging process.
Give it to me.
The faster you get Doucet, the younger you'll be.
You're working a partner on this.
Hello Wade.
Tell Frick and Frack that means them too.
You can't kill me. I'm going to be Mayor tomorrow.
I'm not voting for you.
I want to stop aging.
This is a war, Wade. You against him. Vengeance time. The City's just in the way. Kill the fucker. You and me. We'll work things out when the time is right.
Remember my promise.
Don't threaten me. I tend to take these things seriously. And get a couple hours sleep. You look like day old shit.
Just got the call. Took him from school. Bastard nailed the Vice- Principal and a teacher.
I'm wasting time.
You can't win like this. You'll only get older. This is what you wanted!
What is it? I'm about to go on.
We have to talk.
I heard about today. Good job. I'm all for capital punishment. Why don't you go home and see your family?
That wasn't your plan, was it?
You were planning to send me back to the ice house. You set me up.
You're crazy.
I don't want to hear anymore.
That's not your zone. Stick to data entry.
Wade's in Cryo-Prison.
Kill him... kill him.
Doucet's just offed two of the jurors who put him away. I'm rounding up the rest of them and putting them in police custody. What's your status?
We seem to've come across a 211, sir.
You two fucks listen up. Doucet's killing people and you're wasting valuable time busting two-bit Technothugs.
But sir, Sergeant Wade saved the hostages.
Sir, your transmission's fading.
You have no evidence. Arrest this man.
What do you mean he's escaped?! They're not supposed to escape!
It's a real mess down here. Some- thing must a'gone wrong. No man could possess that kind of strength after being frozen for twenty years.
Tell Doucet that. What was his rehabilitation training?
Just great.
NPA syndrome will hit 'im fast. Have your men gear up the Edicon system at a twenty-year ratio in fractions of fives. Saying a prayer won't be bad either.
Sir, your dinner with the union leaders begins in an hour. Your wife will meet you there, so we can leave whenever you're ready.
Fine.
Sir, your limo's here.
You okay?
How do I look?
Okay, that's all folks. Commissioner Gallagher has to go.
Sir---
Need help?
I got it. I got it.
You sure? I can help you.
Ah Mom, you're embarrass'n me.
Nobody's looking.
Maybe I should put on the training whe---
Not the 'T' word.
You my partner?
Officer Hector Sanchez, Sergeant. Hillside Academy. Status G-8. Security Clearance 3. One year Advance Technical Crime Analyst. Weapons Assistant. FDA Junior Captain, Hollywood division---
Are you a cop?
Yes.
I drive.
Commissioner Gallagher gave me specific orders not to let you drive until you re-familiarize yourself with the process and territory.
I'm ready.
But Sergeant...
Does it drive itself, too?
You have to use the steering wheel to turn. The pedal for gas...
Got it. Ejection seat?
Whoa. Don't touch that. <u>Pursuit</u> <u>Mode</u>. Auto pilot. Computerized steering and driving system used in high speed pursuits. Installed Fall 2006. Underground rumor has it they modeled it after you, sir.
I have to go home, Sanchez.
No offense, but why'd they partner me with a rookie?
See those guys?
They're going to rob that bank.
How do you know?
I'll inform dispatch.
There's no time. There are civilians in there. It's about to go down.
We don't know that for sure. We'll have to wait until they move.
You can't turn him off. He's the Commissioner.
Wanna come?
Thanks. Want'a bite? McDonald's vegiroll.
Can I ask you something?
Yes.
Then what goes on in there? What I mean is, what are you thinking about?
Bacon cheeseburgers.
Give me a break. I'm serious. What's it like to be dead?
Hey, buddy...
NPA metamorphosis should biologically slow him down. That's when we'll get him.
You can't catch this man with a computer.
How then?
Sir, I took the liberty of running a GCI scenario on a TM-1 earlier today...
GCI. TM-1. What language are you talking?
I also PVC'd you. Youngest Officer promoted to Sergeant. Two CMs. Four honor medals...
Why?
You're saying you were put away for a crime you didn't commit?
'Bout the same time I busted Doucet I tried to nail this big-time dealer. I didn't have an ID, but I was close. Too close. Gained the confidence of a badass named Dubbs. He was going to turn me onto the big man. He made me for a cop. Mysteriously my fellow officers discovered ten pounds of heroin in my cruiser.
It doesn't make sense. Who would want to do that to you?
Married?
Engaged. Plan on doing it this summer. You still married?
What's this place?
Yeah.
She's pretty.
You need anything else?
I'll be okay.
Good night, Wade.
I'll have a cup of coffee?
No. Talk English. Then I'll understand.
We get to peek into Doucet's brain.
Hey, I'm eating.
I'm serious, Wade. This case is important to me.
You want to be a good detective?
Yes, sir.
Two lousy smokes. You're a real sport.
Maybe I should turn myself in.
Part of Doucet's cerebellum, a portion called the vermis is under- developed. This area rates response to outside stimuli. Com- pare it to that of a normal law- abiding citizen. It could be why he kills.
Great. My partner's Marcus Welby.
I'm just doing it by the book. Analyze then vaporize. Crime's a science. Everything's analyzed.
With all this technology you don't even have to show up for work. Who needs cops when you've got gizmos.
Wanna try?
No thank you, sir. Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.
You're not pregnant, are you?
Let's roll. We got a guy who swears his car was stolen by a suspect identical to Doucet. 0800 this morning.
What else did he get?
Wallet, cash, I.D...
Kid, you ever been in a high speed chase before?
Get us some fuck'n back-up now!
Rip Van Winkle.
How ya feeling?
How do I look?
What's this?
Sanchez...?
I'm here.
You treat her nice.
...What are you talking about...?
Your girl. Being a cop will be rough on her.
...Have you been drinking?
Yeah.
This should make your day. The guy who testified against you... Dubbs... was arrested a total number of twenty- four times.
So, he's got a thing for prison clothes.
You okay?
Aaah... Mother of Jesus.
What is it? Your legs? Hands?
What are you doing this for, Sanchez?
I just heard.
He's got my grandson, Sanchez.
You be careful.
No. I want to be with you.
You should be in hospital.
Jesus, Sanchez... what do you think you're doin'? That's flatfoot data. You're not supposed to have access to that.
This is the guy that killed my partner.
You startin' a fan club or some- thin'?
Demolition Man.
What's it mean?
You never want to find out.
He had a partner. Our own Ray Gallagher. He tagged Wade dangerously defiant. Psychotic. Reckless. Seems our Commissioner didn't like him much. Busted his buns on a narcotic's violation. Wade was sentenced to twenty-five years.
He went dirty and they made an example of him.
But he was such a good cop.
They always are.
You all right?
Yeah.
Seat's too high.
Yes.
I'm going to be a policeman.
What's your name?
William Simpson. I like Willy.
Bye. Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
Funny. Would you like to buy me a drink?
This little thing says I can't.
You could always take it off.
Papers. Last Medcheck two weeks ago. A-1. Disease free. Guaranteed by the State.
Belle Dee. I'm from over the mountain.
I'll take it.
Let's dance together -- Belle.
Golly, Belle, that was a good idea -- we should do that every morning.
We'll cook 'em ourselves. You'll help me, Belle.
The people, Jabez -- the people.
Hey, you! Watch out there -- you're scuffing my Brussels carpet -- Consarn them.
Jabez! Careful --
What are those people doing there? What do they want?
Who are these people?
Jabez -- ?
You're not resting well, are you? I know -- it's that music. You need your sleep. Is there anything else you want?
No, thank you -- what's your name?
Belle --
That's my business. -- Now, it's all right, Daniel. What did he do?
I see why you're here -- you knew that nobody was coming.
I didn't.
You're lying.
Lying to you -- Why should I?
You know that you're in my house.
I know -- and you could show me the door. You would, too, if you weren't still hoping the guests might arrive.
You think you're so smart, Mrs. Stone. You wanted to be near Jabez. It looked like your big chance tonight, but you're wrong, you can't win him back -- not that way.
Hello, Colonel! Want a lift?
Well, I wouldn't mind. But my name's Daniel Stone.
Gee -- that Fair --
It hasn't opened yet?
No -- but I can hardly wait -- Mister -- tell me, will there really be -- -- a man that eats fire?
Guess there will, if it says so.
And two unpara-- unparalleled Cir-cass-ian beauties? What is that?
Young man -- you got me there.
'N Daniel Webster will be there.
A varied list of attractions. And which would you like to see first, Dan'l?
I think I'd like to begin with the fire-eater --
And what about Daniel Webster?
Well, I thought he'd come in the middle.
Daniel! Don't ever let me catch you doing that again!
Why? It don't hurt.
Make them go faster, Mr.... ?
No, Daniel -- they are not race horses. They are good old friends of mine. I call 'em Constitution and Bill of Rights, the most dependable pair for long journeys. I've got one called Missouri Compromise, too, and then there's a Supreme Court -- fine, dignified horse, though you do have to push him now and then.
Golly -- I'd like to see all your horses!
Maybe you can, sometime, Daniel. I'm a farmer, you know, and like to show my farm -- but the thing I'd like to show you most, you'll have to see for yourself.
What's that, sir?
Well -- it's high and it's wide and it goes a long way and there is a wind blowing through it and a blue roof over it -- it's the hills up here and the rivers running south and the new States growing in the West.
Anybody can see that.
You're wrong, Mr. Stone. There are people who live and die without e'er seeing it. They can't see the country for the money in their pockets -- And some think their state's the country, or the way they live is the country, and they're willing to split the country because of that. Well, I hope you'll meet all those, when you're grown. You'll meet
But it didn't stop. I know it didn't stop. Granny told me it didn't.
Yes, you did, Daniel! I saw it from the window. And then to lie about it! Give me that beanshooter, Daniel!
It's mine, Ma! Pa made it for me -- and I'm not going to give it to anyone!
Daniel give me that beanshooter!
No! No! I won't.
Daniel, you ought to be in bed.
Mama!
Daniel! ... You must go to sleep.
I don't want to be up there all alone, Mama.... I want to be with you.
Granny, when do we move to the new house?
Move? -- We are not going to move -- the old one is good enough for us.
But I like the new one better.
Lan's to goodness, what happened to that hen? Did you use that beanshooter again?
Grandma, look at me!
I see you! Riding pretty high, ain't you? Look out you don't fall off.
Howdy, Jabez.
Howdy, Hank.
Kin you spare a moment for me Jabez?
Why, of course, Hank -- I've always got time for a neighbor. What's on your mind?
Well -- here's how it is ...Tom Sharp, Eli Higgins and a couple of others been talking to me about -- that new sort of organization -- grange they call it. What you think about it?
I don't know -- don't seem much of an idea to me.
Yes, but what does a farmer do if he don't want to get roped in some more by them loan sharks?
Oh -- you don't have to go to Miser Stevens while I'm around.
Don't I? ... Say, that's mighty white of you, Jabez.
Not at all, Hank ... not at all. Glad to help you.
Say ... about the interest ...
Loan shark -- hey?
Too bad it didn't happen to Miser Stevens.
Are you one of old Stevens' customers too?
Sure am.
Sure does. But I'll have to sleep on it a couple of nights.
I am just thinkin' -- now they mightn't like the idea down in Washington.
Why not! There's a bill up in Congress to give us a uniform law of bankruptcy. Daniel Webster is fighting for it right now--
What do you want?
Howdy, Mr. Stone. We've come round to ask you if you made up your mind to join the Grange?
What Grange?
Well -- we don't mean to force you, Jabez Stone -- but -- it's only for your own good.
Jabez -- will you join our Grange now?
Why, thank you, Tom. I was going to ask you if you thought I could.
You're not -- Dorothy.
No. She's gone.
She couldn't be gone!
Never mind. What's your name?
Belle.
Stevens!
Well, Stone -- have you got the money?
I barely managed to scrape up a bit for you. I thought if I made a kind of part payment --
No, Stone!
-- in gold.
I'd like to know where you'd get it....
You know -- some folks are just lucky. Others pick gold right out of the air. Like that!
Real! Sheriff, you are a witness that this money is paid me voluntarily, and while it does not satisfy the mortgage, it has become my property.
Mornin', Jabez ...
Hello, Stevens ... you're early today.
Yes, I wanted to get here before the others.... I want to talk to you alone.
Good evening -- I'm sorry, Jabez -- I'm a little late.
No, you're not.
Where's everybody?
Now run along, Daniel.
What a fine boy you have, Jabez. How old is he now?
Almost seven. No -- no, he's not seven yet I am sure --
What's the matter with you?
You are afraid!
Afraid ... of what?
-- of what happens after we die!
Are you plumb crazy, man! What do you think happens? We're buried -- that's all.
But what becomes of our souls?
Why do you fret about something that isn't there?
Don't say that -- I know it is --
All right -- so it's buried with you!
What if one hasn't a soul any more? What of that?
Huh? -- What's that? Well -- what about it? Who cares, anyhow?
I do -- and I think you should too.
Do you deny that you called me? I've known people in other States who went back on their word. But I didn't expect it in New Hampshire.
You can't say that to me! I'm New Hampshire. If I say I called you, I did. I guess I did.
You've had a lot of bad luck these days. And yet -- it's all so unnecessary. When I think of your opportunities --
Opportunities?
Of course. Why man, you have one of the richest farms in the county. You just go about it the wrong way -- so many men do. Hard work -- well, that's all right for people who don't know how to do anything else. It's all right for people who aren't lucky -- but once you're lucky -- you don't work for other people.
Well, now, Mister, that sounds all right. But--
Where did it come from?
Oh, you know the old story -- the Hessian wagon train that was ambushed on the way to Saratoga. Some of the gold has been buried under your barn!
Yes, why shouldn't it?
It's mine?
That's right, Mr. Stone -- there is -- -- just one little formality. I'd like your signature here -- see. And when it's done -- it's done for seven years. It's our usual form. Of course -- we may be able to take up the question of a renewal in due time.
What does it mean here -- about my soul?
No, no! Give it to me!
Excellent. A firm, fair signature. One that will last till doomsday. My dear Neighbor Stone, I congratulate you! You're going to be the richest man in New Hampshire!
Well, I'll be --
Yes, indeed. But not now. Not for seven years. Oh, I almost forgot -- what is the date?
The seventh day of April --
Good evening, Neighbor Stone.
Look here now--
Oh come, Neighbor Stone. I wouldn't cut that tree if I were you. It means a breach of contract.
I don't care.
But you should, now that you are becoming a father.
Leave your tongue off of that!
Why, Mr. Stone, you look so worried. Can I be of any service?
You promised me prosperity, happiness, love, money, friendship --
.... Miser Stevens' soul, Mr. Stone. Yes -- I am sorry for the disturbance.
He ain't dead -- he's dancing in there.
Are they all as -- small -- as that?
Small? Oh, I see what you mean. Why, they vary. Now a man like Daniel Webster, if I ever get hold of him, I'd have to build a special box for him and even at that, I imagine, the wing spread would be astonishing. In your case --
Trying to break our contract again, Mr. Stone?
I'm through with you.
What a headstrong fellow! Well -- I guess you're quite prepared to suffer the consequences.
I have still a year -- a year to make up for everything.
Oh no, you violated clause five of our contract and I could collect right now, if I chose.
Not now! Not now! -- Let me make up -- let me make up.
Suddenly you seem quite desperate, Mr. Stone -- -- You know I'm a good-natured man. I'm always open to reason. With a little security -- I might--
Anything -- anything. -- You can have it all back -- that money -- the new house -- my farm -- the whole caboodle!
I'm afraid that's hardly the sort of security I was thinking of -- You see -- there is that promising little fellow, your son ...
No! No! No! Not him -- not my son -- I'd rather go with you -- right now.
Well now, Mr. Stone, did you make up your mind?
About what?
Are you willing to give me your son in exchange for an extension of our contract?
Jabez Stone -- did you or did you not sign this document?
Yes, I did -- but you tricked me into signing it! You told me my soul was nothing ... that I could forget all about a soul, in exchange for money. That was a lie, a lie, a lie.
Yes -- yes, I am the richest man -- too rich. I can't think of anything but money. That's the trouble with me.
But, Mr. Stone, I am hardly to blame for the pricking of your wholly unnecessary conscience. Is this your signature?
You know darn well it is.
Ten throws -- Mr. Webster?
You win. Will you ride to the village with me, Mr. Stone?
I don't seem to be so very popular after all -- in Cross Corners.
Seems like it's my fault, Mr. Webster.
Here's a man who knows what's good for Dan'l Webster! Medford rum! Ah, a breath of the Promised Land! To the champion of the Iron Horseshoe, Jabez Stone!
Eloquent speech, Neighbor Stone -- couldn't have done better myself -- -- under the circumstances. Thank you.
Mr. Webster -- I'd like you to meet my wife, Mary.
Well -- Mr. Webster! This is a great day for me. Come on in, sir. I want you to take the seat of honor and meet all my guests!
That's just fine, Neighbor Stone -- but -- I have to be pretty careful of my seats of honor -- where I sit, I mean. You see, the whole country sort of has its eye on me, Jabez -- anybody in public life has that difficulty -- even you, Jabez. They watch us carefully, our neighbors and our enemies, and they see much more
What -- what's on your mind?
You, Jabez Stone -- you and a lot of poor farmers, hereabouts -- good men of the earth who are in trouble because of you. Or -- am I wrong about those contracts, Mr. Stone?
Contracts? -- Yes, they have contracts with me -- lots of 'em -- but -- but that's all right. Without me and my money, they wouldn't have anything.
I'm sorry you can't see that, I know you could once -- you made a little speech once, that I'll always remember and I know the others do too -- They remember and they see how you have changed. That's why they didn't want to come tonight to you, Jabez -- you're as blind as a Burma bat, with your gold pot! Mind you,
I -- I don't know what you're talking about! I -- I haven't time to listen to all this --
No -- you haven't time -- You haven't time for your mother, or your wife, or your child.
It's here you said that you closed the deal with him?
Yes, Mr. Webster -- it was here where it all began.
I see. And this is where he'd like to collect, too.
They make plucky women in New England. H'm ... how long have we to wait?
Not long -- now.
There's nothing like it. I saw an inchworm take a drop of it once, and he stood right up on his hind legs and bit a bee. Come -- try a nip!
There's no joy in it for me.
You were worried, Jabez, weren't you?
Well, I --
Ma says breakfast's ready, Mr. Webster!
Coming along, Jabez?
Why -- good morning, Squire.
Ahem -- we want to have a little confidential talk with you, Neighbor Stone. Don't like to take a man away from his planting -- but sometimes --
Mighty good of you to come out, Squire -- sparing all this time to -- Sheriff, too -- and Schoolmaster -- mighty nice.
Oh!
Headache -- Squire?
Worst I had in years -- ahem -- starting a spring cold, I guess -- er -- don't happen to have a bit of camomile tea in the house, do you, Stone?
And so, Jabez Stone, in the name of the Whig Party of Cross Corners, we offer you the nomination of that party for Selectman.
But -- I was just lucky.
Howdy, Squire! Howdy! Oh -- how do you do, Squire.
How do you do, Belle? How are you, Jabez? Well -- mighty elegant house you got here.
Well, Jabez -- I'm a little pressed for time. You wanted to discuss something -- some business --
Oh yes -- yes. Won't take a minute. Can you keep a secret?
Why of course --
Dan'l Webster is coming to my party.
Dan'l Webster?
Yes -- and that's the reason I wanted to talk with you. You got my invitation?
Yes.
Now look -- here's a list of the people I invited -- they're all the right kind of people -- or did I miss anybody?
The only one you missed -- is the President.
You keep that -- that's for you. I want you to talk up the party to make sure that the best folks really come.
You want me to go around --
Yes siree -- that's the idea. Get them all here and then say: "Look, folks -- here's Daniel Webster, my guest of honor." Golly, I can see their eyes pop already.
You mean that's all you had me come out here for?
Now, Squire, you're not going to let me down. We still want to do a lot of business together, don't we?
Well -- yes --
That's fine. Now you can tell people all about the house, but don't mention Webster.
You are not so sure that he'll come.
Oh yes -- I am -- want to bet?
Why not -- ?
How much?
5000 -- that's just what I owe you.
Jabez -- help!
Down, Shep! Down!
He only wants you to throw the stick for him, Jabez. I guess he's feeling the spring a-coming, too.
What is that smile on your face? Is there anything wrong with me?
Now, Jabez! I've got on my Sunday bonnet and I'm going to church with my husband. Almost the first time since the beginning of winter -- and if that isn't an occasion, I don't know what is.
I think his leg is broken.
Oh, Jabez.
I remember Dad used to say sometimes, when they were handing out hard luck, the farmers got there first.
Jabez, don't you remember your own wedding? We said it's for better or worse. We said it's for richer or poorer.
He's stubborn as a Stone.
Well, I'll be -- there's a rig, turning in, by the gate.
Who is it?
" ... and if the final vote shall leave thousands of our fellow citizens and their families in hopeless distress, can we -- members of the Government -- go to our beds with a clear conscience, can we, without self- reproach, supplicate the Almighty Mercy to forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors?
That's wonderful language. It would move a stone.
Well -- what are we going to do?
We can still use my butter money.
Your butter money?
Do you think I'm grudging it?
Mary -- it's gone.
Not all of it?
Yes -- I had to pay the vet in full. He just wouldn't have treated the horse this time. After all, we can't very well do without a horse.
It's all right, Jabez. We'll find something to pay Stevens.
If the pig hadn't broke his leg, we could have taken him.
Jabez! Couldn't you take a sack of seed instead?
To save us work on the spring plowing?
You always said, the field uphill needs a rest, but if you think --
Mary, I'm a farmer -- always will be. To me seed isn't a thing to pay debts with, it's alive, more alive than anything -- but I guess you're right. We just got to do it. Oh -- how's it all going to end?
Jabez -- you ought to talk to Tom about joining the Grange.
Jabez!
Seed alone won't do, Mary. We have to throw the calf in.
Oh Jabez! And we were counting on ... It's a lovely calf.
Mary--
Jabez ...
I'll get the doctor.
Mary -- what would you do with a pot o' gold?
Jabez!
Mary -- what would you do?
Well -- I -- I don't know -- I would pay our debts and well -- maybe get a new bonnet, but -- really -- I think I would live the same.
It feels fine now, Jabez.
Will you come into town with me tomorrow?
What do you think of that, Jabez?
We must go on home, Jabez.
Remember, Mary, how he said it: "Couldn't have done better myself, Jabez Stone," and it was my first speech. I don't know what came into me, Mary. I just stood up and the words came flowing like water out of my mouth.
But I'm glad to be home again --
Tired?
Worried!
There is nothing to worry about now.
You'll never change -- will you?
There's hope and promise in it, Jabez -- Planting and promise of good harvest to come.
Yes -- you are right, Mary. I can almost hear the little blades of grass a-starting up -- All the seeds a-stirring underneath the ground --
Mary --
Mary, get three cups of camomile tea for the Squire and the rest. They all feel colds coming on.
I'll get it, Jabez.
Mary! I'm -- Selectman of Cross Corners!
You could have knocked me down with a feather -- Selectman -- me.
I'll never get my washing done.
That's one thing I want to talk to you about, Mary.
Yes, Mr. Selectman!
I'm serious.
It's very becoming to you, Mr. Selectman.
But it's not very becoming to you to have your hands in the suds -- when the Squire and his wife --
But Jabez -- the washing has to be done --
Well -- that's the last time -- we'll have servants to do it.
No, no. I don't want to be idle.
Jabez -- once you said we'd never change --
Ruined -- all the fields -- ruined.
Mary --
Well -- I -- I-
Potato bug sits on the leaf in the sun, Sleep, sleep, my baby -- Raccoon sits in the spruce all night, Sleep, baby, sleep --
What in sugar hill's the matter with him?
What happened.... Where are you taking him?
I am going to lock him up.
Jabez -- how can you let her talk like that when the boy is present? He won't respect me any more.
Isn't that your own fault?
My fault? ... Oh, Jabez -- all I want is to be proud of him. He can be such a fine boy, if we show him how to be.
He's my son and I like him the way he is. Why do you always have to pick on him? If it's not the boy it's me. You don't like the way I live -- you don't like my friends, or my new house -- or anything.
But Jabez, I never said that!
It shows on your face.
Well -- I am worried about the way you've changed. That was one thing you said you'd never do -- remember?
Why don't they come --
Think this room is larger than anything Webster's got at Marshfield? You've been there. What about it, Mary?
It's -- different, Jabez -- that's all.
Mr. Webster ... Wait! ... Mary!
Jabez!
Mary! Come back ...
You must go now, Mary -- you must!
Jabez -- Jabez!
"There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God and eschewed evil."
Consarn the consarn --
Jabez! What kind of talk is that for the Sabbath? And me a-reading the holy word!
You know that, son.
Hard luck -- like me.
Now, Jabez Stone -- as for what you're calling hard luck -- well, we made New England out of it. That and codfish.
There! Guess that ought to hold good. Put him down here, by the fire, Mary. But we don't want to get him too close -- we'll have roast pork for supper.
How'd you know to have the calf ready, Ma?
I just figgered -- knew you didn't have enough bills.
Yes -- and you figgered right, consarn it!
That's a word you're too free with lately, Jabez, consarn this and consarn that ...
Helps sometimes to say it.
What's ailing that dog?
I dunno.
Well ... make him keep quiet.
And why should I? Let him howl if it makes him feel good. Consarn it. He's better off than I am! I wish I could tell Him... ... up there, just what I think.
Hush up such talk, Jabez!
You found it in the barn, hey?
Yes -- I was getting the seed -- I stumbled -- I saw one of the boards warped up a bit -- and -- there it was.
Most outlandish thing I ever heard tell. Don't seem right, somehow!
Well -- that's comforting! Supper.
Well, son, I'm glad to see a Stone come up in the world again.
It won't be the first baby ever born in this house. There! Made me drop a stitch! Sit down, you make me nervous! Lan's, that's the way a man always is. Thinks his son's the most important thing in the world.
My son! Do you really think, Ma....
Queer sort of weather we're having -- queer like everything else.
Well, thank the Lord you can always depend on New England for weather. We've got enough for the whole United States.
I feel -- fidgety, Ma -- not right at all.
Lan's, I'd think you was having the baby, to hear you.
Money -- money's a funny thing, ain't it, Ma?
I figure that depends a mite on how you get it and how you spend it, Son.
Do you really think that?
Why, that's just sense, Son. Now a man like Daniel Webster -- guess they pay him high for what he does. But he's worth it -- and he helps others. Makes all the difference.
I know, Ma, but -- Suppose a man got his money in bad ways --
You see, son? I'm old and I've lived. When a man gets his money in bad ways -- when he sees the better course and takes the worse -- then the devil is in his heart -- and that fixes him.
Ma -- and yet, a man could change that, couldn't he?
Oh, here you are, Jabez. Lan's, I was worried about you.... Hail in August! The crops will be ruined!
It don't matter!
What's that you say, Son?
I say -- it don't matter.
Now that's the way to talk, Son! I know you worked hard for that crop. But we'll make out.
Ma -- is she? --
You'll be a father any minute now.
Golly, Ma -- Consarn that music! Shouldn't a-had the harvest festival tonight.
You go down and see what's keeping Dorothy.
I want you to fix these fish!
My son ... what's the matter?
Ma! ... Where's Mary ... and little Dan'l?
Ma -- Ma -- it's all right, Ma!
Yep -- you can't get around that mortgage. -- I'm sorry, Jabez.
It's all right, Sheriff.
Wish I could really do something for you. But you know Stevens. He'll throw you off your farm tomorrow if you don't pay him tonight.
Let him try it.
Hello, Sheriff.
Hello, Jabez -- I was just talking to Stevens about a little extension on your payment.
It seems such an obvious candidature to us all.
Come in, Sheriff.
Jabez -- seems like I've been hearing talk around. Reverend Harper thinks more Cross Corners folk oughter be in church, Sabbath morning.
You throw mighty far, Jabez -- almost into the pigsty.
Mary -- Jabez --
Well, I guess we won't be going to church today.
That is -- if you don't mind changing the lesson, Ma.
Let her be, son. She'll do all right. You better get yourself straightened out.
I'll try hard -- I just can't take it all in.
You know, Ma, why the Squire came to see Jabez?
What a nice -- and kind girl -- Who is she --?
The new girl -- Jabez says; she is from over the mountain.
Mary! Ready? First bell's a-ringing!
She'll do nothing of the kind! She's going to church with me, right away!
Fox hunting -- a Stone going fox hunting on a week day -- and the earth crying out for the touch of him!
Now, Ma -- You just try to set an example for me, and keep hold of yourself.
Me? Why, look here, Mary Stone -- I'm worried about you, that's all.
Worried about me! Well, you just stop it!
What's that?
So you've made up your mind to go to the party.
You aren't angry with me?
Be sure to let me know if Daniel is over there.
What are you looking for, Colonel? What's your name?
Martin Van Buren Aldrich and my Pa's the only Democrat in Cross Corners. He said you had horns and a tall, Mr. Webster, but I ain't seen 'em yet.
Well, Martin, I only wear them in Washington -- that's the trouble. But if you ever come down there, I'll show them to you.
Gee, would you, Mr. Webster? Honest?
Of course. And you tell your father for me -- we may be on opposite sides of the fence, but I'm always glad to hear of a man who holds to his own opinions. As long as people do that -- the country's all right. Do you understand, Martin?
It is.
You've got a smart man, Mrs. Stone. Hang onto him.
Well Mary, it's too bad I didn't know -- I would have given you a real dinner, but with my wife being in Washington -- Have another piece of pie --
No, really, thank you. -- Is Mrs. Webster coming back soon?
Well -- she hardly ever comes here -- she's not the type of woman who cares to live in the country. Yes -- I'm all on my own -- sometimes it makes you feel a little lonely -- Do you mind if I indulge?
Of course not --
No, you wouldn't -- You're not the sort of woman that's afraid of smoke -- or fire -- But now let's talk about your affairs.
Goodness, Mr. Webster, I've done nothing but talk about that all through dinner.
Yes, you've chatted a lot, woman-like nibbling around the edge -- But, Mary, forgive an old lawyer's legal mind, I don't think you ever once came to the point. And there is a point, isn't there?
Why -- yes -- it's hard to put it into words, Mr. Webster. There's this matter of little Daniel's schooling and the new house -- and well -- there's something else that's wrong -- it gets worse, year after year -- it's like a shadow growing -- I can't really talk about it, even to Ma -- she puts it all on Jabez and
I've heard some odd things about Jabez lately -- he seems to make the wrong kind of name for himself.
Mr. Webster, you mustn't believe all that people say.
You don't have to defend him to me, Mary -- I've been called names myself.
You see, I don't care if we are rich or poor -- I don't care if we're big or small, all I care about is Jabez. He was the first man I loved. He never used to care about money -- we were poor as Job's turkey, but none of us minded. Now I've seen him drive the poor from the door, and we
Mary -- you've talked to me as you might have talked to your father and I believe he wants me to help you a little. You see, sometimes we think we're licked in this life -- but we weren't put here to be licked. Don't you believe it. Sometimes the shadows seem to get hold of us -- the shadows and the evil --
Oh, could you, Mr. Webster ?
Oh -- Mr. Webster -- I'm so glad you came!
Jabez ...
Mary -- what love and trust could do for your husband, you've done. And frankly, in a very few moments, this is going to be no place for a lady.
Mr. Webster -- you will help him?
There is nothing like a good old country breakfast. Where's Ma?
Hey there, Dan'l! Black Dan'l!
Hullooo!
Someone to see you, Dan'l!
If it's the British Minister, take him around to the pantry and give him some Madeira --
Just someone from New Hampshire!
It's only a short drive, Mr. Webster.
Oh -- it's you again. What do you want?
With the presidential election coming up, I thought I could be of some help, sir.
I'd rather see you on the side of the opposition.
Say, that's pretty good, young man.
Mr. Webster, I presume?
Attorney of record for Jabez Stone. Might I ask your name?
Why, certainly -- but be careful, Mr. Scratch -- Medford rum has an uncanny habit of kicking back, even with old-timers like yourself.
It even kicked back -- once at you, didn't it?
Me?
Oh .. not that you ever get drunk! No, indeed! But a kind of overpowering lassitude or, more plainly, a deep and enveloping sleep.
There isn't enough Medford rum in the whole of New Hampshire to make me sleepy.
Talk has never proved that question, Mr. Webster! Cup for cup -- what do you say?
Your spirited efforts on behalf of your clients do you credit, Mr. Webster -- If you have no more arguments to adduce I'll take him along now.
Not so fast, Mr. Scratch. Produce your evidence -- if you have it.
There, Mr. Webster. All open and above-board and in due and legal form.
H'm. This appears -- I say appears -- to be properly drawn. But you shall not have this man! A man isn't property! Mr. Stone is an American citizen, and no American citizen may be forced into the service of a foreign prince.
Foreign? And who calls me a foreigner?
Well, I never heard the dev-- of your claiming American citizenship.
And who with better right? When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on the deck. Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true, the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. To
Then I stand on the Constitution! I demand a trial for my client.
You mean -- a jury trial?
I do! If I can't win this case with a jury, you shall have me, too. If two New Hampshire men aren't a match for the devil, we'd better give this country back to the Indians.
Very well. -- You shall have your trial, Mr. Webster. The case is hardly one for an ordinary jury --
Let it be the quick or the dead -- So it is an American judge and an American jury!
The quick or the dead! You have said it. May -- the best man win, Mr. Webster!
Your Honor -- gentlemen of the jury -- this case need not detain us long. It concerns one thing alone -- the transference, barter and sale of a certain piece of property, to wit, his soul by Jabez Stone. That transference, barter or sale is attested by a deed. I offer that deed in evidence and mark it Exhibit A.
My congratulations -- as between two gentlemen.
I wanted to give it all to the church.
My money? Why, Mister Stevens? What a quaint idea. Come over to the door. I want to speak to you privately. Stop throwing away that money. We mustn't let people see any softness in you, Mister Stevens.... People take advantage of softness, you know. Come out of there -- I'll give you an extension if you'll forget this stupid repentance idea.
That isn't it. It's ... the loneliness, Mr. Scratch ... the loneliness!
The loneliness? Lonely with all your gold, Mister Stevens? That hardly makes sense.
I want someone to talk to ...
You can talk to me ...
No, no ... I want to talk to men ... to people in Cross Corners ...to my neighbors ...
Why don't you?
I can't be honest with them.
I'm John McClane.
Argyle. Don't you take this stuff?
Do I? I'm sorry. You're gonna have to help me, man. This is my first time driving a limo.
If your friend is hot to trot...I know a couple of mama bears. ...Or is he married?
The girl was off today. Hey, I didn't expect you to sit up front. So, your lady live out here?
The past six months.
Meanwhile, you still live in New York?
You're nosey, you know that, Argyle?
Hey, I'm sorry. When I was a cabdriver, see, people expected a little chit chat, a little eccentricity and comaraderie, I forgot how stuck up you limo guys were, so excuse me.
It's okay, it's okay.
She had a good job, it turned into a great career.
But meant her moving here.
Closer to Japan. You're fast.
So, why didn't you come?
'Cause I'm a New York cop who used to be a New York kid, and I got six months backlog of New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I don't just get up and move.
Like I said, Argyle...you're fast.
How 'bout some Christmas music?
So, you go on upstairs to the party, your lady sees you, you run into each other's arms. Music comes up, you live happily ever after, that it?
It's corny, but I could live with it.
What is it don't work out that way? Where you gonna stay?
You're all right, Argyle.
I'm Special Agent Johnson of the FBI. This is Agent Johnson...no relation.
Dwayne Robinson, LAPD. I'm in charge here.
One of yours?
No, sir.
-- ten blocks? Are you crazy? It's Christmas Eve, thousands of people -- the Mayor'll scream bloody murder --
What's happening?
They don't look happy...something's gone wrong.
The police...?
John.
John? Christ, he could fuck this whole thing up...what does he think he's doing?
How about his job?
His 'job' is 3000 miles away. Without him, they might let us go...at least we have a chance...
Where are you going?
I'm tired of sitting here waiting to see who gets us killed first... them...or your husband. Hi there.
What are you going to do?
John, they're giving me a few minutes to try and talk some sense into you. I know you think you're doing your job, and I can appreciate that, but you're just dragging this thing out. None of us gets out of here until these people can negotiate with the LA police, and they're just not gonna start doing that until you stop messing up
Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis...you shouldn't be doing this...
John, I think you could get with the program a little. The police are here now. It's their problem. Tell these guys where the detonators are so no one else gets hurt. Hey, I'm putting my life on the line for you buddy...
What am I, a method actor? Hans, babe, put away the gun. This is radio, not television...
That asshole's not my friend! I barely know him! I hate his fucking guts -- -- Ellis, for Christ's sake, tell him you don't mean shit to me --
Hope I'm not interrupting...?
You're very perceptive.
Hey, I read the papers, I watch 60 minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professionals, they're motivated, they're happening. They want something. Now, personally, I don't care about your politics. Maybe you're pissed at the Camel Jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, that's none of my business. I figure, You're here to negotiate, am I right?
You're amazing. You figured this all out already?
Hey, business is business. You use a gun, I use a fountain pen, what's the difference? To put it in my terms, you're here on a hostile takeover and you grab us for some greenmail but you didn't expect a poison pill was gonna be running around the building. Hans, baby...I'm your white knight.
I must have missed 60 Minutes. What are you saying?
Nothing...
I know what you are feeling. But this is not productive --
No. Heinrich's team must finish planting the detonators...and Theo needs time on the vault. After the * police come they'll waste hours trying to negotiate...that's when we search * for this man. Until then...we do not alter the plan.
Hans, he killed by brother --
He wasn't lying about Marco: He's thirty stories down on the street. The other man is Heinrich, and I found his body upstairs. And his bag is missing.
-- you wouldn't let me kill him when I had the chance --
If you'd listened to me he would be neutralized already!
'Asian Dawn Movement?'
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed models as a boy. The exactness, the attention to every foreseeable detail... perfection.
Yes...I know about them. The code key is a necessary step in accessing the vault.
You want...money? What kind of terrorists are you?
The code key, please...?
I don't know it! get on a Goddamn jet to Tokyo and ask the chairman! I'm telling you! You're just going to have to kill me --
Bad for your health anyway.
Who are you, then?
Mr. Mystery Guest. Are you still there?
I wouldn't think of leaving, Hans. Unless you want to open the front door...?
I'm afraid not. But you have me at a loss -- you know my name, but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child. Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion.
Actually, I was always partial to Roy Rogers. I really dug those sequined shirts.
Hear that? Talk to me, where are my detonators. Where are they or shall I shoot another one? Sooner or later... ...I might get to someone you do care about.
--ohGodplease -- don't kill me -- don't kill me -- you're one of them, I know it --
You...you're an American?
You...you don't work for Nakatomi... and if you're not one of them...
I'm a cop from New York.
New York...
Better than being caught with your pants down, right? John McClane.
Bill, you know how to use a handgun?
One weekend I went to a combat ranch... You know, that game with the, the guns that shoot red paint? Must sound pretty silly to you...
Hans. Your Hans.
Put it down now.
That was tricky, with the accent. I bet you do a great Ed Sullivan. Why do you need the detonators, Hans? I already used the explosives.
I'm going to count to three...
Nein, dies ein ist mein. This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
That was Gary Cooper, shithead...
No more jokes, drop it or she gets it between the eyes!
Whoa, Hans, now you're the cowboy?
Then there's no reason not to tell it to us.
How long?
Thirty minutes to break the code... Two hours for the five mechanicals. The seventh lock...that's out of my hands.
Yo!
Three down, four to go --
You better heat up that miracle * you were talking about. We broke through on Number Six, and the Electromagentic came down like a sledgehammer...
...the circuits that cannot be cut... are cut automatically in reponse to a terrorist incident...You ask for miracles, Theo...I give you the FBI...
Encourage them to be bolder.
I...have a request.
Oh? What idiot put you in charge?
Go on.
We have a pregnant woman out there -- -- relax, she's not due for two weeks, but a marble floor isn't doing her back any good. I'd like permission for her to more to one of the offices where there's a sofa.
No. But I'll have a sofa brought out to you. Good enough?
Good enough. And unless you like is messy, you'd better start taking us in groups to the bathroom.
Mr. Takagi chose his people well, Mrs...?
After all your posturing, all your speeches...you're nothing but a common thief.
Nice, but one of us is three hours out of sync. I think it's me. Is there a place I can wash up?
What are you doing?
It's a long story. You know, I think that Ellis has his eye on you.
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out here a couple years ago. He said I could bunk with him.
Oh...Where does he live?
Ramona...no, Pomona, that's it.
They would, huh?
...I've missed you. *
Especially my name. You must miss it every time you write a check. When did you start calling yourself 'Ms. Gennero'?
This is a Japanese company, you know? They figure a married woman, she's on the way out the door...
Sure. It's unnerving. I remember this one particular married woman, she went out the door so fast there was practically a jetwash...I mean, talk about your wind chill factor...
Didn't we have this same conversation in July? Damn it, John, there was an opportunity out here -- I had to take it --
No matter what it did to our marriage -- ?
My job and my title and my salary did nothing to our marriage except change your idea of what it should be.
Oh, here it comes. One of those 'meaningful relationship conversations.' I never should've let you get those magazine subscriptions --
I'll be a few minutes. Wait here --
John!
Excuse me, I'm looking for --
Holly Gennero?
Yeah. How'd you know?
I've spent half my life on airplanes, * I can recognize someone who just got off one. I'm Joe Takagi, Mr. McClane. I have ...something to do with this company.
Relax, Ellis. I'm off duty.
Can I get you anything? Food? Cake? Watered down champagne punch?
I'm fine. You throw quite a party. I didn't know they had Christmas in Japan.
You wife's made for this business. She know how to drive a hard bargain.
How do you know?
I hear you... Partner. And LA's finest are on it, so light 'em if you got 'em.
I'm ahead of you...partner.
'Roy'.
Got it...'Roy'. Now listen. If you think of anything else you think we need to know, don't be shy, okay? In the meantime I want you to find a safe place and hole-up and let us do our job. Understand?
I'm here, Roy, but I'm, uh, kind of busy. Let's talk later, okay?
Al, what's wrong? Did something -- -- Oh, God. You're coming in! That's it, isn't it? Christ, Powell, I told you what you're dealing with here --
Safe and sound, thanks to you. What the fuck was that?
The plastique I found. Is the building on fire?
No, but it's gonna need one hell of a paint job and a shitload of screen doors. One spotters say you got two with that blast.
Hey, I love you. So do a lot of the guys. So hang in there, man. Hang in there.
Yeah, just trying to handle some year old twinkies. Yucck. What do they put in these things?
'Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye #5.'
You sound like a man with a couple of kids.
Two. And I'd sure like to see them swinging on the jungle gym with Al junior.
Al? Al, you there?
I'm here, cowboy.
Speaking of cows, did you ever hear so much bullshit in your life? Two hours? That doesn't even make any sense --
Don't tell me, partner. I'm just a desk jockey who was on the way home when you rang.
The way you drove that car, I figured you for the streets.
Roy? You still with us?
Yeah. But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. By the way, chalk up two more terrorists.
Yeah? What's the odds?
They way you drive, I can see why.
Eleven years ago. Oh, it was dark... he was big for his age...damn ray gun he had looked real enough...yeah, I had all the right excuses...but afterwards... I really couldn't draw my gun again.
I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a joke of it.
Hey, you couldn't know.
I still feel like shit.
Powell? What's going on?
Look...I'm getting a bad feeling up here...I'd like you to do something for me. Look up my wife...don't ask how, you'll know by then...and tell her...tell her...I've been a jerk. When things panned out for her, I should've been behind her all the way ...We had something great going until I screwed it up...She was the best thing that ever happened to a bum
I got it. But you can tell her yourself. Just watch your ass and you'll make it.
I hope so. But that's up to the guy upstairs. Upstairs... ...Hans, you bastard...what were you doing?
Roy?
Al. Man, you were my rock. I couldn't have made it without you.
Bullshit.
I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.
Dwayne Robinson. Well, what have you learned? What do they want?
The terrorists? Don't know, Sir. We haven't heard a peep from them.
Then who the hell have you been talking too?
We don't exactly know, Sir. He won't give us him name. He appears to be the man who called in the report...he's killed one of the terrorists for sure and claims he capped two others.
He claims? Powell, has it occured to you he could be one of the terrorists, pulling your chain? Or some kind of nut case who --
I don't think so, Sir. In fact... I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but definitely a badge.
How do you know?
A hunch. Things he said. Like, knowing how to recognize a phony ID --
What's going on?
What's it look like? We're going in.
Going in...are you out of your mind? There's 30 hostages in there -- for all we know --
-- all we know? We don't know shit, Powell. If there's hostages why hasn't anyone asked for ransom? If there's terrorists, where's their goddamn list of demands? All we know is that someone shot up your car, and it could be the same flake you've been talking to on the radio!
What about the body that fell out of the window -- ?
Is that him?
Yessir.
Goddamn, didn't you hear him! He practically pulled the Goddamned trigger himself -- he gave that man to them --
Christ, can't you read between the lines! He did everything he could to save him...if he gave himself up they'd both be dead!
Maybe. And maybe they'd at least be talking to us! Now tell your 'partner' to stay out of it, or so help me if he lives through this I'll put him behind bars myself!
He's alone, tired, hunted, and hasn't seen diddly-squat from us and you think he gives a flying fuck about what you're going to do to him? Robinson, wake up and smell the shit you're shoveling!
This is --
Gene -- you smilin'?
No. I never smile any more.
Whattaya think: we gonna kill any civilians tonight, Gene?
I never make bets or guesses, that way I'm never wrong and I never have to pay out.
So whatsa deal?
They jet's comin' out. But don't let 'em off the ground.
What if we gotta kill a whole lot of people?
Don't let 'em off the ground.
If you're right I'm gonna back you a hundred percent, you know that.
These seats come out?
Jesus, you're the man!
I was lookin' at it. I saw you, man! Jesus! You oughta see yourself! You wouldn't believe it.
Yes, I would.
God damn it, Sheila isn't gonna believe it. They just call in and say gas up a stretchout and get it down to and I say, 'shit, another load of Elks for the massage parlors.'
Aw, hey...
You'll be okay.
Hey, Sonny! I'm watchin' it on TV!
What about the kids?
They don't know, I sent them to the neighbors. Sonny, Jesus, it's not like you. I can't believe, because you never hurt anybody since the day I knew you.
Heidi, I'm dying.
I blame myself, Sonny. I notice you been tense, like something is happening; the night before last you're yellin' at the kids like a madman, believe me. And then you wanted me to go on this ride with the kids, this caterpillar about from here to there - fulla one- year-old kids. It's ridiculous. I'm not about to go on this ride, so you
Heidi, for Christ sake, shut up! Will you shut your fucking mouth and listen?!
...because you hurt me, God how you hurt me. Can you imagine, marrying another man? Did I do something to make you do that? Did I ever turn you down, or anything? The only thing I couldn't do, you're gonna laugh, is go on top - I got this fear of high places! And I let myself get fat.
Don't call yourself fat.
I know you can't stand me to say I'm fat. Like I can't stand you being a bank robber. I guess that's what love is -- huh, Sonny?
Heidi - why didn't you come down here?
Jesus - what - I'm afraid - I'm gonna get shot or whatever. You oughta see it on TV, the guns, the cops, they got cannon, machine guns, they're loaded with gear.
They're not after you, they're after me.
Sonny, I'm gettin' real bad vibes.
Jackie - what are you talking about?
Maybe we can take something smaller... like a Spanish grocery.
Hey, don't take the car!
Well, how'll I get home?
Sonny, there's somebody under that desk over there... I'm sorry...
Jenny?
He says he doesn't know. Why don't you cook whatever's there?
It looks like a whole roast.
What guns?
The robbers in the bank. They got guns?
Yeah. A lot of guns.
Well, stay away from them. Don't get close.
I'll kiss the baby for you.
Jesus Christ is coming back and he's really pissed.
Yeah, well I don't blame him.
No. Look, we're kind of....
That's why I can talk to you, as an equal, Sonny. You got to merge your whole soul with God. And then you are Him and one with the Holy Ghost.
Yeah, well...maybe you better talk to one of these others, okay?
Hello. Hello, Leon.
Hello, Sonny.
How are you doing?
Well... I'm out of the hospital.
Yeah. You said... I thought you were never getting out?
I never thought I'd get out this way. I'll tell you.
Well.... huh ...
Ooohh....
Oh... huh ... how you feeling?
I'm really shakey.
Well, you know ... Moretti told me before that you were drugged up.
Yeah. It was terrible.
That... huh... they just shoot you with drugs.
You come in and they say, right away, that you are crazy. And they start putting things in your arm... you know. How do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?
Yeah...
You can't talk or do anything. You really feel... you know... I'm just sort of coming out of it now.
So... that sure is something.
Yeah. So how are you?
Fine, thank you. I'm in trouble. That is... now I am!
Yeah... I know.
I don't know what I'm gonna do... you know. Boy... I'm dying.
What? What are you talking about? You are dying? Did you ever listen to yourself when you say that?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean... what am I talking about? Do you realize that you say that to me every day of your life? I am dying. Do you know... do you realize the death that you are spreading around to the people who are around you?
Now don't give me that deep shit now. Don't start with that shit.
No really... I don't think that you realize what it means. The things that you do, Sonny. You put a gun to somebody's head...
I don't know what I'm doing.
Yeah... obviously you don't... when you put a gun to somebody's head... and you say go to sleep so that it won't hurt when I pull the trigger. Death? Don't talk about death to me. I have been living with death for the last six months. Why do you think I'm in the hospital? I take a handful of pills to get away from
I'm not on the phone to talk to you about that. Well, I don't know what to say, Leon. When you gimme that... when you hit me with that shit. I mean, what am I supposed to say?
I'm sorry...
I told you. That I got a lot of pressures. You said to me that you needed money, and I knew that you needed money! I saw you there lying in the hospital like that... and I said... shit, man, I got to get this guy some money.
But I didn't ask you to go rob a bank.
All right. I know you didn't ask me. You didn't ask me but I did it.
Well...
I did it on my own. I did this all on my own. I ain't laying it on anybody. Nothing on anybody. I'll tell you something, though, it's about time that I squared away my accounts... you know. I am squaring away my accounts with life. Maye this whole thing is gonna end, somehow. Maybe it'll just end! Maybe I'll just close my eyes
What trip?
I'm getting out of here, man. I'm not going to stay here and I'm not giving up. I mean, huh, they're going to kill me, anyway. So fuck it! But, if I can get out of this... I am going to get out. And, how I'm going to do it is to get a jet out of here and I'm flying the fuck out...
I'm free to do what I want? And you think I would want to go with you some place on a plane? Where? Where ya going?
I gotta jet coming here and we're gonna try to get the fuck outta this thing. And we're gonna go, man!
You're crazy.
That's it.
You're really crazy.
I know!
Where you gonna go?
Who the fuck knows? I think we're gonna go ... we worked it out to Algeria. So, I don't know. So I'll go to Algeria.
Why you going to Algeria?
Huh ... I don't know. They got Howard Johnson's there. I don't know why the fuck I'm going there for.
Howard Johnson's... you're warped. You know that? You're really warped!
I know that. I'm warped... I'm warped!
God, Algeria! Do you know there's a bunch of... they walk around there... God! People walk around with masks and things on their heads. They're a bunch of crazy people there.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know... you could have picked a better place.
Denmark? Sweden?
I like that... yeah!
So! Sal is with you?
Sal? Yeah... Sal is with me.
Oh... wow! Sonny, you're really into one mess now.
I know I am. I know!
Sal... Sal... Naturale, oh boy!
He ain't going out. And if I go out he's just gonna kill the people. There's a lot of lives that I'm responsible for... that's all. So, I can't do anything. I got myself into this mess and I'll get myself out of it... the best way I know how! One of the ways is not giving up. I'm telling ya!
Would you do something for me? Please?
What?
These guys that got me down here, you know, huh... they think that I'm part of this whole thing. They think I'm part of the plot to rob the bank!
How did they think that? What are they... crazy? What do you mean. That's bullshit, Leon. They're giving you a fucken story.
Well... they told me that I was an accomplice...
Oh... they're fucken crazy. That's a snow job. Don't listen to that shit!
I gotta listen to it if they think...
Shit...
I can't survive in prison, Sonny...
All right. Then what do you want me to say?
Sonny, would you please just tell them... please...
Where are they now? Just tell me... are they on the phone now?
Yeah.
That's great. Just terrific. You talk to me with them on the phone, right? That is really smart. And, you don't tell me?
I don't have a choice.
You don't have a choice?
No! They're standing all around me. Seven thousand fucken cops... all around me.
Look... who's on the phone?
Look... don't throw that on me.
Who's on the phone, now? What do you mean... throw it on you? You knew it, right?
Yeah... I knew it. But, what choice do I have? I'm in the hospital; they drag me out of the hospital... bring me down here...
All right, enough! Who the fuck is on the phone... anyway? Is that you Moretti? You on the phone? Will somebody talk to me?
They won't talk to you.
Are they on the phone still?
Yeah... yeah!
All right! He didn't do it. All right? Now... would you get the fuck off the phone? I'll bet that really changed them, huh? Anyway, Leon... did I do it for you?
Yeah... huh, thank you. I'm going to go back, Sonny, to the hospital. They're really nice people. They're really trying to help me.
That's good then. You've found something.
Well... I don't know if I have or not.
Do you still want the operation?
Yeah... yeah.
Well, then...
It's my only chance!
I don't know what to say to ya! I guess I just wanted to say I'll see ya... or whatever.
Thank you much... and huh, bon voyage.
Right. See you sometime.
Yeah... see ya in my dreams, huh?
Yeah... I'll write a song. Ha, ha. I don't know. Life is funny!
Leon? Whatsa matter? They give you a shot down the hospital or what?
Oh, God, they shot me with like unreal!
Well, you got to get hold of yourself. You got to talk to him, tell him to give himself up.
Oh no!
He's got eight people in there with him. He's got this kid with him ... they're gonna shoot the people.
I can't help it. I can't stop him from anything.
If he won't listen to you, who will he listen to?
He won't listen to anybody. He's been very crazy all summer. Since June he's been trying to kill me.
You try calling the police?
What good is that? They couldn't stop him. And it'd just make him mad. They don't know him.
Somebody's got to stop him, Leon.
He was under great strain: you don't understand, he's a very mixed up person.
He's makin' threats in there.
He's scared. It's crazy. I never met anyone like him. His wife, he's a wonderful father to his children. His mother - you should see her - his mother and father together are like a bad car wreck - he lets it all slide off his back, he sees them, he pays their rent. Unbelievable. I wanted to get married ... He didn't really
What kind of things, Leon?
Ten days I spent in Atlantic City - Sonny was frantic - he knew I was drinking; he didn't know where I was ... who I was with. I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body. So Sonny right away wanted to get me
He needed money? For the operation for you?
It made him crazy - so much demand, he'd fly into this rages. And I got more depressed than ever; I saw I'd never get the operation. So I tried to take my life - I swallowed about a half pound of pills ... blues, reds, yellows, downers, uppers, screamers ... you name it. But I just threw them up and wound up in
Well, don't you figure you owe to him to get him out of there?
I can't talk to him.
You're in it up to your ass, Leon. You're an accessory. You talk him out of there and they might be a little more understanding of your case.
I'm afraid.
How is he gonna hurt you on the telephone?
I don't know what to say to him. I can't.
Yeah.
What are you doin' in there?
Who's this?
What a fuckin' comedy! WNEW plays all the hits.
Listen, first off, is anybody hurt in there?
Okay, you're in there and we're out here. What do we do now?
I told you -- keep away. I don't know what we do now.
Awright, but I wanna talk to you. First off, we wanna know if the people in the bank are okay.
They're okay.
You alone, or you got confederates?
I'm not alone.
How many you got in there?
I got Sal.
Sal? What's that for? Salvatore?
Right -- got ya. Okay, so there's you -- what's your name?
What do you want to know that for?
Give me a name, any name, just so I got somethin' to call you.
Call me Sonny-boy.
Sonny-boy, one word?
One word. You won't find it in the phone book.
Listen, Sonny ... can I call you Sonny for short?
Call me whatever you want.
Okay, Sonny, I want to see if the people in the bank are okay, then what I want to do is work out a way to get them out of there. I want to come over there, without a gun ... and you can frisk me. So you can see you can trust me. So we can talk and find a way outta this
I frisk you?
You frisk me.
Right -- I'm with you, buddy.
I'd like just some sign I can trust you too, Sonny. I don't want to trust my body out where you could just shoot me. Some sight ... right?
Sure ... like ... I'm not gonna shoot you.
How about letting the people out of the bank. Why put them in this position?
They're what's keeping me alive. You think you're dealing with an idiot? Talk to me then.
Okay, give us the women.
Oh, no ... Women is all we got.
You're all one way! I'm bein' reasonable with you; give me somethin' ... Give me one of them, anyway ... Just one ...
You got these cops outta here. They're comin' in too close.
Come on. I want you to see something.
You want me to give up, huh? Look, Sal's in back with the girls. Anything happens to me - one move - and Sal gives it to them. Boom boom. How do I know you won't jump me?
Let Sal come out, take a look. What hope you got? Quit while you're ahead. All you got is attempted robbery.
... armed robbery ...
What?
When I'm bein' fucked, I like to be kissed a lot. Who the fuck are you tryin' to con me into some deal? You're a city cop, where's the FBI? This is a federal offense, I got kidnapping, armed robbery, they're gonna bury me! You know it, you can't talk for them, you're some flunky pig tryin' to bullshit me. Now God damn it,
Calm down, you're not ...
He wanted to kill me!
I want a helicopter to get outa here! And a jet to take us to... ... wherever we want to go. Outa the country, so no little jets. A big one with a bar and a piano lounge.
Sonny, be reasonable!
I want to see my wife. I want you to bring her down here.
Okay, what do you give me?
What do you want?
The girl hostages.
Nothin' doin'. I give you one hostage when you bring my wife, and one for the helicopter, one for the jet, and the rest can come home on the jet.
What the hell you doin' back there?
What the fuck do you want?
They were ...
You tryin' to fuck me?
No, I'm not tryin' to fuck you.
So, what were they doin'? You're tellin' me you had nothin' to do with that back there?
I swear to God I had nothing to do with it ...
Bullshit ... I don't walk to talk to you ...
Wait a minute ... everything you asked for is on the way ...
Yeah ...
Is on its way ... The helicopter can't land but we got a bus ... the jet's on its way to Kennedy ... we got a bus coming here ...
You're full of shit ...
Sonny, your wife's on the way ... We reached her ... your wife's on the way ... everything you asked for, you got.
Well, what were you doin' back there?
It can't happen again ... I'll do everything I can to stop anything I can ...
You know, you're telling me that a helicopter can't land here ...
Can't land ... you'd kill people ...
Don't fuck with me ...
I'm not ... I'm not ... you're gettin' a bus ... you're gettin' a bus ... the jet's comin' into Kennedy ... and your wife's on the way ... what else do you need? What else can I get you? Listen, I don't know how you can do better ... see that man over there ... the FBI guy ...
Just one more explosion like that and you're gonna see a dead body ...
There won't be ... there won't be ... What else do you need? How else can we help you?
All right ... I got some hungry people in there ... I want to get some pizza ... some stuff like that ...
What else?
Cokes, seven-ups ... also some aspirin ...
Aspirins ... okay you got it. Charlie! Six pizzas!
Yeah?
Is he all right? Is he all right?
He's all doped up.
I want to talk to him.
Here comes the FBI. You men lookin' for protection? We got all the police right here.
We're all set at Kennedy.
What makes you think you'll be able to control it?
He's totally unstable. He'll make a mistake.
He hasn't so far. I'm the one who can make a mistake. That's what scares the shit out of me.
Okay, okay... we know it's a stickup!
Hey... let him out!
Okay, is the vault open?
I must of been outta my mind.
What's the matter with you?
This is it? What am I gonna do with this? Holy shit!
It's all we got.
Hey, you, manager... Don't get any ideas, fucker... See that man there? I bark and he bites!
Believe me, I'm on your side.
Hello... I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now... I suggest you call during banking hours tomorrow. What is your name?
Howard, give him the keys...
The gun's right on your back...
For God's sake, will you please go now? We gave you every nickel we got.
Hello, Mulvaney here...
I swear to God... on my salary, I'm not gonna be any hero...
Where's the back door?
Now, you -- what's your name?
Mulvaney...
Let's go to the back door. How'd that guy get to be a guard?
Well, they go to guard school.
To what ... learn how to shoot? They don't get a gun.
You got kids?
I got two kids ... and I'd like to see them again.
Don't ask me questions. I got connections. You find out who I am, you're cold meat.
I don't care who you are ... I just want to get you outta here, safe, right?
What if I take you with me?
If you take anybody, please take me.
You're just a nice guy, Mr. Mulvaney. Only don't fuck around with me, you know what I mean?
What?
Why the hell did he do that? What the hell did I do?
You see what we're dealing with? They want me to kill all of you!
What now, Sonny?
Where's the air conditioning?
I don't know, Sonny ... on the roof somewhere I guess.
Do you think we can turn it on?
Are we going to get the ball rolling?
I'm okay ... I'm okay ...
You know more than the Doctor? You're not okay, look at you. Come on ... ... let's get him out ...
Hey! I'm tryin' to help you.
I stay here. Damn it. I just needed the insulin. I'm used to it. Go on. Go on.
You tell me. Is he endangering his health, because if you tell me he is, I'll get him out.
I'll be God damned if you will.
I'll never see them again, Mister Mulvaney.
They look like good kids.
They're like any others but they're special to me. You got kids? You told me; you got two.
Special to me, too.
You like me?
Sure - we like you.
No you don't.
You know, I don't know him very well - but he's not gay ... and he's not going back to prison ... One time when he was in prison, they gang-banged him; 13 years old and eight guys gave it to him ... So Sal isn't goin' back to prison, no way.
I'm sorry.
You know ... I like you people ... I really do.
We like you, too.
You know - I had a job once. I used to work in a bank. I had been training ... I used to have a boss ... Mr. Don Frio ... he wore a toupee ... I wonder if you'd hire me if I came in here and asked you for a job ...
Would I hire you?
Yeah.
Why not?
Mister Mulvaney?
Yeah?
Are you a lawyer?
No. I had some legal training, but...
You got Bank Americard?
What now, Sonny?
What is it, Sam?
Everything's all right? You okay?
You all right?
Little smoke: like a Polish four- alarm fire, is all.
Yeah. Well, you're okay?
Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye out.
Thanks again, Sam.
I'm glad it's okay.
It's up to you ladies.
Hey, girls -- I was on television...
I didn't eat any pizza.
I wish somebody would tell me I'm gonna live long enough for it to be a habit. My parent, she'll be okay. My husband, he'll be okay. I even know who the bum is gonna marry. Terrific. She'll take good care of him.
Ah, Sonny! Good luck, you know?
You were terrific, too!
How did you know your son was involved?
It was on the TV.
When was the last time you saw Sal?
Oh, a long time. Because I kept asking my husband where the heck could Junior be? He wasn't around here. I thought maybe he was in prison or some place.
Did you know he was a homosexual?
No, not until after they killed him.
Did you always call him Junior.
Yeah.
Do you remember anything else about Sal?
You don't smoke ... why do you want to start now.
Because I'm scared, that's why. You never smoked?
I used to, but I stopped.
You stopped? Why?
Because I don't want cancer.
No! I'm not kidding. Don't you understand? You're pure!
Pure?
You shouldn't start now.
For God's sake! As soon as I'm outta this bank robbery, I'm gonna stop ... okay?
Go ahead. Do what you want to do. I hate to see you break a perfect record. You oughta take care of your body.
My body? What for?
Your body is the temple of the Lord.
You're serious!
You're really pure, you know? You got a perfect record. You never used that stuff to ruin your body, why start now?
You know, you remind me of my 19- year-old brother - only he's got his hair down to his knees - he looks like something that eats berries and roots out of the ground. God forbid I should say something to him like, 'Listen, if you ever smoke marijuana, just remember that it's illegal' and he storms outta the house. You rob a bank,
You gonna smoke the cigarette?
Hey, for christ's sake... now... fuckin' asshole... He can't make it.
Ah, Jesus...
Let's go, Sonny.
He's gone?
Where's the money?
Goddamn women...
It's the cops. Shit!
You mean that?
What?
... The bodies out the door.
I want him to think that.
Sal, I'm sorry about this. But we can get outta this thing. There's a way outta this.
Are you serious? About throwin' a body outta here if we have to?
Well, I stalled him for a while. When it comes the time, then we'll work it out. Okay?
But do you mean in? ... But you just told him that if worse comes to worse...
I want him to think that.
But I want to know what you think.
We won't have to.
He wants one.
Dead or alive?
To show that we're negotiating.
All right ... send them the guard.
Okay, Sal ... what do we do?

I figure maybe we can get the FBI to make a deal ...
What kind of a deal?
Maybe we can get outta this thing alive ... get 'em to drop the kidnapping charges ...
What do you mean? You talkin' about coppin a plea?

... because if you're talking about coppin' a plea, I'm tellin' you right now, there's no deal ... I'm never going back to prison ... We got our own deal already ... Do you remember the pact we made? You and me and Jackie - that night in the bar ... we were talkin' about if we get trapped in the bank, what are
We'd kill ourselves.
Does that still go?
You realize, Sal, that we're gonna get outta the country, so if you wanna talk to somebody, do it now ... You gotta Mother or a Father? Friends? If we gotta be outside the country, where do you wanna go? Any country. Just name a country.
Wyoming.
Sonny -
Yeah ...
I never been up in a plane before.
They're trying to come through the door!
Okay ... okay ... all right, Sal, it's okay. I got everything straightened out ... it's gonna be okay.
Get over there!
What?
They keep sayin' two homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual. I want you to stop them saying that.
It's the FBI. He wants to come in.
Sal?
What'd he say?
He was talkin' about arrangements ... we were talkin' about the TV.
Why couldn't he talk about that here?
Hey, Sal ... How you doin'?
Just give me a receipt. Hey, Sal, you okay?
Okay, Sonny.
There it is, Sal. Sal?
I'm here.
Hey, Sonny - You did it!
First off, get the lights back on and the air conditioning.
No more favors. That's all over, Sonny.
Aw, Jesus ... you been doin' us favors all night!
I've got a jet. I'll have airport limousine here in a half hour. I want the hostages.
Bullshit!
Well, Jesus, these hostages are keeping me alive.
Okay, when do I get them?
At the airport. We get on the plane, check it out, and if it's all okay we'll send them out. Except one.
I want them all.
I want to come in, and see if everybody's okay.
You got guts. You think if Sal and me have cut their throats we're gonna let you out?
Jesus, you'd like to kill me, too.
I wouldn't like to, but I will, if I have to.
Nobody give their right name ... it's the FBI!
Wait a minute! What the fuck you tryin' to tell me?
What's wrong?
Sonny! Could you come out, please? Could you come out, please?
I don't want him.
What can he do, he's clean...
I can't allow that, Sonny...
Okay - you got your one.
That's the jet. You give us one more, now. That's the deal...
I ain't eaten all day. I just realized it.
Okay, who's the head teller here?
I am.
Listen, we got young girls here... you could watch your language.
Listen, I'll never make it. I'll have to go to the toilet.
What's the matter... they never housebroke you?
Oh - Maria!
What are you trying to pull?
I forgot she's in here.
Oh, shit! I gotta have time to think.
What is it? Did you just barge in here... He doesn't have plan. It's all a whim. 'Rob a bank! What not?'
Hey, you okay?
He's got diabetes. He's not a well person.
My kids ... Kimmy and Jimmy.
Hey, let's get ready!
Here's your document, Sonny.
Fuck! We did it!
What do you want here, Ma? You could of watched it on TV.
My God, Sonny - you oughtta see - Alla Brooklyn is here! On all 3 networks!
Mom - I got it all worked out; it's over. The best thing is you go home. Watch it on TV.
I talked to the FBI, I told them about you, they said if you just come outta the bank it's gonna be okay.
You did what? Who did you talk to? What for?
Well, I'm only trying to get you outta this. I told them you were in Vietnam, you always had good jobs, you were with Goldwater at the '64 convention, but you had marital problems...
Oh my God, mother!
I said you were never a faggot.
Don't talk to them anymore. Sal and me are getting a jet, we're going to Algeria - I'll write you from there.
He was very understanding - you ought to talk to him ... Algeria?
We can't stay here.
Mom - they're sending a bus to take us to the airport. You understand? If you're here - they're not gonna send it. They'll think I'm gonna come out with you.
What's wrong with that? The FBI was very understanding when I explained it to him. Everybody knows it isn't you ... It's the pressures from your home life.
For God's sake don't start in on Heidi again ...
Did I say a thing against her? God forbid I should say anything against that fat cunt.
Mom. Mom. There are some things a mother shouldn't say in front of her son.
If she comes down here, so help me I'm gonna mash her brains in. Everything in your life was sunlight and roses until you met her. Since then, forget it.
She doesn't have anything to do with it! You understand that? Mother? This is me!
I know you wouldn't need Leon if Heidi was treating you right. The thing I don't understand is why you come out and sleep with Heidi anyway? You got two kids on welfare now. What're you goin' to bed with her, you don't have enough with one wife and two kids on welfare, you want a wife and three kids on welfare?
Not now, Mom, please.
What'll you do? Come out.
I can't, Mom. If I come out Sal will kill them.
Oh. Run.
What the hell for? Twenty-five years in the pen?
Maybe...
I'm a fuckup and an outcast. There isn't one single person in my life I haven't hurt through my love. You understand that? I'm the most dangerous person in the world, because if I love you, watch out, you're gonna get fucked, fucked over and fucked out!
No!
Did Pop come down?
No. This really pissed him off, Sonny. He says you're dead. He says he doesn't have a son.
Why are you doing this?
Doing what?
Robbing a bank.
But I mean, why do you need to steal? Couldn't you get a job?
Get a job doing what? You gotta be a member of a union, no union card - no job. To join the union, you gotta get the job, but you don't get the job without the card.
What about, ah, non-union occupations?
Like what? Bank teller? What do they get paid - ... they pay one hundred thirty- five dollars and thirty-seven cents to start. I got a wife and kids. I can't live on that -- You want to live on that? What do you make a week?
I'm here to talk to you, Sonny, not ...
Wait a minute ... I'm talkin' to you. I'm askin' you a question ...
The audience is interested in you, Sonny ... not me.
Yeah! We're hot entertainment, right? You got me and Sal on TV ... we're entertainment you sell, right?
You're news, Sonny ...
How much you have to pay an entertainer to fill this slot?
Newsman, not ...
Okay, newsman. How much you make a week? You're not talkin'. You payin' me? What have you got for me? We're givin' you entertainment ... what are you givin' us?
What do you want us to give you? You want to be paid for ...
I don't want to be paid. I'm here with Sal and eight other people ... and we're dyin'! They're gonna blow our guts out, man! You're gonna see our brains onna sidewalk! How's that for all you shut-ins and housewives to look at! You gonna help, or you just put it on instead of AS THE WORLD TURNS? We're dyin' here! What have you
You could give up.
Oh yeah? Give up? You ever been in prison?
Of course not ...
This is Drake Bishop.
<i>Mr. Bishop... this is Claremont Williams. I own the Williams Brothers armored car service.</i>
What happened to my money, Mr. Williams? <b> INT. CLAREMONT WILLIAMS III BOND AGENCY -- NEXT </b> Claremont sits behind his desk with his phone to his ear.
<i>Well... I think that these are the gentlemen who robbed us. I'm also a bail bondsman out of Los Angeles. I can track down and deliver these crooks to you... for a small finder's fee of course.</i>
How much?
And if you can't deliver them?
This is Bishop.
<i>The Bounty Hunters have arrived. They will drop off the money in exactly one hour.</i> <i>Where do you want to meet?</i>
<i>Holy shit... this bitch is fierce.</i>
Morning.
<i>They can do subtitles.</i>
Who the hell is that?
What is it, Choco?
I LOVE YOU, DOMINO.
Alright. Time to ditch this thing. Did you take a look at the bathroom window?
<i>I forgot.</i>
Where are we going?
Bail jumper's name is Cookie Kincaid. Nineteen years old. His mommie posted bail when he was arrested for allegedly partaking in a drive-by shooting in Hawthorne.
<i>He killed two children.</i>
Fella takes out two kids and has the audacity to not show up for trial.
<i>We gotta bring him in.</i>
Will you speak the fucking English language? The poor girl has no clue what you're talking about. The boy speaks English, you know. Reads, writes, I swear it. He does this when he's around girls. Thinks it's cute.
Tell him it's not cute. Will you tell him, Domino!?
Jesus Christ! What's that smell?
<i>The children like to urinate in the balls.</i>
Fella could get used to a life this ordinary.
So what?
I just charged $12.95 to our room for that movie. Now I'll never know how the story ends.
Oh! And another thing. I am a liar. A pathological liar. There was no day in Danang, no multiple tours in Nam. Just lies to get laid, lies to get respect. Truth is... I'm scared shitless all the time.
What about your toe?
Anything to get the fuck out of dodge.
Did it hurt?
Promise me... you won't ever tell Domino.
What?
Hello?
<i>Mr. Cigliuti?</i>
Yes.
<i>I'm calling from the Kappa Epsilon Gamma house at California University.</i>
I'm so sorry to be bothering you in the middle of the night like this... but it's a bit of an emergency.
<i>What is it?</i>
Your son... and your nephew have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts from the Fox network. <b> INT. CIGLIUTI COMPOUND -- MASTER BEDROOM -- NEXT </b> Cigliuti sits up in bed.
Why the hell are we delivering them out here? I can't even find any warrants in the system for these four.
<i>The FBI was breathing down Lateesha's neck... and she assumed that they were onto our scam. So she set up some college kids to take the fall for the heist. They have been under FBI surveillance for the past 6 months.</i> <b> INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN </b> Claremont drives like a maniac.
<i>What happened to them?</i>
You're breaking up... I can't hear you.
<i>Remove... ... the... right arm.</i>
Okay.
She's right... you lost your temper... and you started cursing like some ghetto skank. You lost all credibility right there!
I've already formulated a plan.
What?
My armored car business. We just signed a new insurance policy in Nevada. There's a loophole.
Where are you? <b> INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN -- NEXT </b> Claremont is behind the Wheel of a BLACK CHEVY SUBURBAN. He pulls into the Texaco parking lot.
You motherfuckin' Tino. You fucked us so bad.
Claremont, you're a chubby chaser.
<i>Did you get all four?</i>
Yep.
We need hostages. Celebrity hostages. Just in case this gets ugly. <b> EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- LATER ON </b> The Cast Winnebago drives through the desert.
Hello?
Ms. Harvey... my name is Taryn Miles. I'm a criminal psychologist working for the FBI. I'm here to ask you a few questions.
<i>The driver's name was Locus Fender. We know that he was in on the heist.</i> <b> INT. ARMORED CAR -- NEXT </b> LOCUS FENDER is behind the wheel of the armored car. His unshaven, disheveled appearance looks totally out of place in his security uniform. <b> INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT </b> Taryn is now scrawling notes on a pad.
Where is the money?
I don't know.
I think that you're lying. I think you know exactly where the money is.
Is it true that you were hired to track down and capture the thieves... and then deliver them to Drake Bishop... owner of the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino?
Yes.
You then learned where the thieves had hidden the money... and at the instructions of your employer went to retrieve it yourself.
He's a reality television producer. His name is Mark Weiss.
Are you aware that Lateesha Rodriguez has been running a counterfeit driver's license racket?
That's the rumor on the street.
What was your business with Lateesha that day?
<i>You drove Lateesha's daughter to school... then dropped her off at the DMV. Why?</i>
<i>The bitch was bluffing. There were no dupe tapes. If there were... they'd have shown them to me by now.</i>
Show me the tapes. I want to see them.
Not yet. <b> INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT </b> Alf pulls onto the 15 FREEWAY.
<i>Now the bitch was getting personal.</i>
Take us to Vegas. <b> EXT. DESERT ROAD -- DAY </b> The crew rides in the back of the Wanderer's truck toward Vegas. <b> INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT </b> Domino stares at Taryn as she returns to the table.
Do you want know the real reason why I became a bounty hunter?
No. Please enlighten me.
<i>That's my best friend. His name is Choco. He's always fancied me... but too shy to ever do anything about it.</i>
Chi-Chi! CHI-CHI!
Is that you, Domino?
HE'S STILL ALIVE, EDNA!
LOCUS! BABY... I'M HERE!
Is that the decoder?
<i>Either this was some kind of set up... or the First Ladies got scared... decided to pull out and cut their losses.</i>
Cock-fuckers are gonna pay.
<i>After dad passed on, Mum's agenda was to hit the town and find another husband with a boatload of cash.</i> <b> INT. LONDON APARTMENT -- EVENING </b> Sophie is dolled up for a night on the town... CLEAVAGE spilling out of her cocktail dress. Domino is feeding her pet GOLDFISH. "THUNDERBIRDS" plays on the television.
Everything. It is a ghastly existence.
Why must you fight... everything that is normal? You are blessed with such beauty. Life could be so easy... if only you allowed yourself to fit the mold.
The mold? I am living among these crypto-fascist Orange County cunts... with daddy's BMW and the boob job... just waiting to implode.
Crypto-fascist? Who talks like this?!
I refuse to turn out like them. Twenty-one years old and they're already looking for a husband. Stupid fucking cunts with no self- esteem. They let the boys control their lives. Not me.
Must you use that awful word?
Cunt.
Stop it.
Cunt.
I said stop it.
So who is this <i>Choko?</i> Is he your new boyfriend?
It's Choco. And he's not my boyfriend. He's a bounty hunter.
<i>Whatever.</i> He's a criminal. And this Ed Martin character is a complete loser.
God help us. God help us all.
Don't fuck with us, Edna! There are at least three more limbs where that one came from!
<i>My real father was an actor. He died when I was a little girl.</i>
What the... <i>who is this bitch?</i> <b> EXT. HAWTHORNE COMMUNITY CENTER -- PARKING LOT -- NEXT </b> Ed and Choco exit the El Camino just as Domino retrieves her knife from the windshield. She grips it in her right hand... threatening them.
You want to be a bounty hunter. Why does a pretty little thing like you want to be a bounty hunter?
You can save that Pretty Woman shit. The name is Domino.
Domino. Do you have a last name... Domino?
So Ed. What did you do before you became a bounty hunter?
Really? Did you play in a band?
I... <i>love...</i> Pat Benatar.
Yeah?! Well... I loved her too.
Oh my God... you mean... the two of you dated?!
How did you meet Choco?
What the fuck is your problem? Bitch!! <b> INT. SOPHIE TROMAS MANSION -- KITCHEN -- DAY </b> Domino is loading her GUN at the kitchen table as Sophie serves breakfast. Domino wolfs it down.
<i>I was asleep in mum's guest house.</i> <b> INT. SOPHIE THOMAS MANSION -- BEDROOM -- NEXT </b> Domino is asleep in bed. The TELEPHONE rings.
Hello?
Can you tell?
Cool it, Choco.
Everyone... please give Domino her space. Step back, please!
Where are the bond certificates for the First Ladies?
There are no bond certificates.
What do you mean? Claremont didn't provide them?
No. What's the big deal?
Something is going down. Something bad.
What did he say about the arm?
Make us a pot of coffee, Edna. It's gonna be a long night. <b> EXT. FENDER COMPOUND -- MOMENTS LATER </b> Edna stands next to her MAIMED SON near the burning barrels as they watch the Winnebago drive off into the desert. Locus is sobbing... latching onto his mother's sweater.
We are so fucked.
Uhhh... I have no idea what you just said.
Three tours? Isn't that... <i>twelve years?</i>
Son, with the exception of Spring Break in Tijuana, have you ever ventured outside of California?
Many times.
Do you know where Danang is?
Not really.
We're late.
They need to get the introduction on camera. Just play along, alright?
Listen, dick-fuck. I had a good run while it lasted. Now I've got ten million in the bank. <i>I'll never have to work again for the rest of my life.</i>
And he used to fuck a Playboy centerfold every night.
We didn't sign on for this shit. Fuck! This shit is intense. I need to call my agent.
Get Cynthia on the line. <i>They changed the fucking font.</i>
Okay. Domino Harvey is here.
This could break new ground in terms of traditional host models. It's self-reflexive reality television.
Your theory is valid... <i>in theory.</i>
We're covered on legal with that, right?
Fast and or furious.
But real. This is gritty. Like Cassavetes.
This girl is going to be a star. She just tells it like it is.
Where is Domino?
You were good.
Ain't nobody gonna call me a bitch without some payback.
<i>Gotta strip/ Gotta give some lip/ Gotta make my tip/ But keep yo hands to yourself - Cuz you ain't touching these tits.</i>
Just like Billy Ocean says. <i>When the going gets tough...</i>
Meeka's white blood cell count is dropping fast.
How you be?
I be. I'm living large.
You don't like Public Enemy? It's the dope shit.
I like 'em, but you don't play anything else.
I don't like anything else.
Check this out. Y'know Sal's.
Yeah, I know dat motherfucker.
I'm trying to organize a boycott of Sal's pizza joint. Ya see what I'm saying?
I almost had to yoke him this afternoon. Tell me, tell me, Radio Raheem, to turn my music down. Didn't even say please. Who the fuck he think he is? Don Corleone and shit.
He makes all his money off us Black people and I don't see nuthin' but Italians all up in there, Sylvester Stallone and motherfuckers. Ya see what I'm saying, homeboy?
Talk to me.
We shouldn't buy a single slice, spend a single penny in that motherfucker till some people of color are put up in there.
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
Ya back is got.
My brother.
Yo!
Yes?
You almost knocked me down. The word is "excuse me."
Excuse me. I'm very sorry.
I'll fuck you up quick two times.
Who told you to step on my sneakers? Who told you to walk on my side of the block? Who told you to be in my neighborhood?
I own a brownstone on this block.
What do you want to live in a Black neighborhood for? Motherfuck gentrification.
I'm gonna leave now.
That's not even true. I just want a slice.
Jade, you don't know this, but I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's Famous Pizzeria.
What did he do this time?
Y'know all those pictures he has hanging on the Wall of Fame?
So?
Every single one of those pictures is somebody Italian.
And?
And I--we--want some Black people up.
Did you ask Sal?
Buggin' Out, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you can really direct your energies in a more useful way.
So, in other words, you are not down.
I'm down, but for a worthwhile cause.
How much?
You come in here at least three times a day. You a retard? A buck fifty.
Extra cheese is two dollars. Y'know dat.
Sal, that might be fine, you own this, but rarely do I see any Italian Americans eating in here. All I've ever seen is Black folks. So since we spend much money here, we do have some say.
Don't come back, either.
What did I tell ya 'bout dat noise?
What did I tell ya 'bout dem pictures?
What da fuck! Are you deaf?
No, are you? We want some Black people up on the Wall of Fame.
Why it gotta be about jungle music and Africa?
Mookie.
What?
How come you ain't got no brothers up?
Ask Sal.
Buggin' Out, I gotta work here.
I'm cool. I'm cool.
You the man.
You the man.
No, you the man.
It's so nice to see a family hanging out together.
You a dumb-ass simple motherfucker. Where did you read that?
As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted by the finest.
Make it plain.
It's been about a year.
How long?
No!
What can you say?
Squash it.
The evil eye doesn't work on me.
Mother Sister, you've been talkin' 'bout me the last eighteen years. What have I ever done to you?
You're a drunk fool.
Besides that. Da Mayor don't bother nobody. Nobody don't bother Da Mayor but you. Da Mayor just mind his business. I love everybody. I even love you.
Hold your tongue. You don't have that much love.
I didn't know you had such beautiful hair.
Fool, there's a lot in this world you don't know.
That was a foolish act, but it was brave. That chile owes you his life.
I went from first to home on a bunt single, scored the winning run, the bottom of the ninth, two out, August 1, 1939, Snow Hill, Alabama. Maybe I should be heroic more often.
Maybe you shouldn't. Don't get happy. This changes nothing between you and me. You did a good thing and Mother Sister wanted to thank you for it.
I thank you.
Good morning.
Is it a good morning?
Yes indeed. You almost got yourself killed last night.
Where did you sleep?
I didn't.
I hope the block is still standing.
Mookie.
Gotta go.
Doctor, this is Da Mayor talkin'.
OK. OK.
Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
That's it?
Eddie Lovell.
How old are you?
Ten.
What makes Sammy run?
My name is Eddie.
What makes Sammy run?
I said my name is Eddie Lovell.
Relax, Eddie, I want you to go to the corner store. How much will it cost me?
How would I know how much it's gonna cost if I don't know what I'm buying?
Eddie, you're too smart for your own britches. Listen to me. How much do you want to run to the store for Da Mayor?
Fifty cents.
Don't you have enough sense not to bother people when they're sleeping?
Wake up!
Wake up? Saturday is the lone day I get to sleep late.
It's gonna be hot today.
Good! Leave me alone when I'm sleeping. I'm gonna get a lock on my door, to keep ya ass outta here.
Don't ya love ya brother Mookie anymore? I loves ya, Jade.
Do me a favor. Go to work.
Jade.
How come you're not at Sal's?
Is this another one of your patented two-hour lunches?
I just come home to take a quick shower.
Sal's gonna be mad.
Later for Sal. Y'know, sometimes I think you're more concerned with him than me.
I think no such a thing. Sal pays you, you should work.
Slavery days are over. My name ain't Kunta Kinte. Sis, I don't want to argue, stop pressing me.
I just don't want you to lose the one job you've been able to keep, that's all. I'm carrying you as it is.
Don't worry 'bout me. I always get paid.
Yeah, then ya should take better care of your responsibilities.
What responsibilities?
Hurry up and get dressed.
I'm coming.
No.
Yo, I'm gone.
I'll see you out.
Jade, I don't want you coming in here no mo'.
Stop tripping.
No, you're tripping. Don't come in Sal's. Alright, read my lips.
What are you so worked up about?
Over Sal, the way he talks and the way he looks at you.
He's just being nice.
Nice!
He's completely innocent.
Innocent!
I didn't stutter. You heard me.
You should see the way he looks at you. All Sal wants to do is hide the salami.
You are too crude.
Stop trying to play big brother. I'm a grown woman. You gotta lotta nerve. Mookie, you can hardly pay your rent and you're gonna tell me what to do. Come off it.
One has nuthin' to do with the other.
Oh, it doesn't, huh! You got your little 250 dollars a week plus tips...
I'm getting paid...
...peanuts.
Pretty soon I'll be making a move.
Jade, you're late.
This might take some time.
Tender-headed runs in my family. You tender-headed?
Yeah, me too.
That's why I don't fool with it. Only let you touch it...Ouch!
Sorry, comb got caught.
Be gentle, child. Mother Sister is an old woman.
How are you holding up in this weather?
I'll do.
I don't know why you still haven't bought an air conditioner.
You are too cruel to Da Mayor, it isn't right.
Number One: I got some jive, late- rent-paying trifling Negroes in this house. Every year I keep threatening to sell it.
And move to Long Island...
And move to Long Island. Number Two: my ex-husband lost all my property, all my money in his scheme to build a Black business empire. Needless to say what happened, this house is it, all I got. I'm too through with yar people.
Twenty "D" Duracells.
Twenty "C" Duracells.
D, not C.
C Duracell.
How many you say?
Twenty! Motherfucker! Twenty!
C'mon, don't be shy. Mmm, smells good. This is ya Love Daddy talkin' to ya, starvin' like Marvin. Say something, Mookie.
Mister Señor Love Daddy, I'd like to dedicate the next record to my heart, Tina.
Here ya are. Keep the change.
That's right on time. This is my friend, Vito. His pops is Sal.
WAKE UP!
Fool, you're thirty cents away from a quarter. How you gonna get a boat?
Don't worry about it.
You're raggedy as a roach. You eat the holes out of donuts.
I'll be back on my feet. Soon enough.
Motherfucker wasn't saying shit.
It's a fucking shame.
Sweet Dick Willie.
That's my name.
Let it be broke.
Can ya dig it?
It's dug.
It's Miller time. Let me go give these Koreans s'more business.
ML?
What?
Why you gotta talk 'bout my moms?
I didn't say nobody, I said you.
Sweet Dick, I didn't mean it like that.
ML stands for ML. That's it.
Naw, that's some stupid shit. Now you know how I got that name.
Korea man is OK. Let's leave him alone.
Hey! What did I say?
Who doesn't work? Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
Mookie, no cursing in the store.
Mookie, if your friends can't behave, they're not welcome.
Mookie, what took you so long? I got a business to run.
Mookie, get offa da phone.
Mookie! How is anybody gonna call in?
Sal, can you do me a favor?
Depends.
Can you pay me now?
Can't do.
Sal, just this once, do me that solid.
You know you don't get paid till we close tonight. We're still open.
I would like to get paid now.
Sal, I don't care if you fire me this exact minute, leave my sister alone.
Mookie, I don't know what you're talking about, plus I don't want to hear it.
Sal, just do me a favor, leave Jade alone.
Yeah, do you know 'em?
Sal, if you want me to deliver any faster, get me a jet rocket or something, cuz I can't run with pizzas, all the cheese ends up on one side and shit.
I didn't say nuthin'. You must have a guilty conscience. What are you guilty of?
I'm not guilty of nuthin'.
You must be guilty of something or you would have never come in saying the things you said.
C'mon, Sal.
Whatdafuck do you want?
Mookie, I always liked you. Not the smartest kid, but you're honest. Don't make me dislike you.
Sal, I want my money.
Don't even ask about your money. Your money wouldn't even pay for that window you smashed.
Motherfuck a window, Radio Raheem is dead.
You're right, a kid is dead, but Mook, this isn't the time.
Fuck dat. The time is fuckin' now. Y'know I'm sorry 'bout Sal's Famous Pizzeria, but I gotta live, too. I gotta get paid.
We both do.
We all know you're gonna get over with the insurance money anyway! Ya know da deal.
Do we now?
Quit bullshitting.
How much? How much do I owe you?
Ya just got paid, so leave me the fuck alone.
You only pay me two-fifty a week. I owe you fifty bucks.
Keep it.
You keep it.
It's supposed to be even hotter today.
You gonna open up another Sal's Famous Pizzeria?
No. What are you gonna do?
Make dat money. Get paid.
Yeah!...I'm goin' to the beach for the first day in fifteen years. Gonna take the day off and go to the beach.
I can dig it. It's gonna be HOT as a motherfucker.
Mookie?
Gotta go.
Doctor, this is Sal talkin'.
OK. OK.
Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
I know I haven't seen you in four days. I'm a working man.
I work too, but I still make time.
Tina, what do you want me to do?
I want you to spend some time with me. I want you to try and make this relationship work. If not, I'd rather not be bothered.
Alright. Alright. I'll be over there sometime today.
When?
Before I get off work.
Bring some ice cream, I'm burning up. Do you love me?
Delivery from Sal's Famous Pizzeria.
What took you so long? Is it hot?
Hot. Hot.
Tina, you are too slick.
How else was I going to get you here? I haven't seen you in a week.
I've been working hard, getting paid.
Where's the ice cream? The Häagen- Dazs butter pecan?
Shit! I forgot.
Your memory is really getting bad.
And I really wanted some ice cream too.
I can run out and get it.
No! No! You won't come back either.
I can't be staying long anyway.
How long then?
Long enough for us to do the nasty.
That's out. No! It's too hot! You think I'm gonna let you get some, put on your clothes, then run outta here and never see you again in who knows when?
A quickie is good every once in a blue moon.
You a blue-moon fool.
Then we'll do something else.
What else?
Trust me.
Trust you? Because of trusting you we have a son. Remember your son?
I'm gonna take off ya clothes.
Mookie, I told you already it's too fucking hot to make love.
Why you gotta curse?
I'm sorry, but no rawness is jumping off tonight.
Tina, you're sweating.
Of course I'm sweating. I'm burning up. It's hot, moron, only a hundred degrees in here.
It's cold.
It's 'pose to be cold.
Later for you.
Meda. Meda.
What?
Feels good.
Where are you going?
To get my money.
Mookie, you must think I'm stupid or something. You're gonna run outta here and I won't see your black ass for another week.
You don't care about me and you definately don't care 'bout your son.
Tina, I'll be right back.
Be a man.
Act like one then. Be a man.
Later.
Mookie, late again. How many times I gotta tell you?
Just coolin'.
Shaddup, Vito.
Fuck dat shit. I deliver pizzas. That's what I get paid for.
Pop, I don't believe this shit. We runnin' welfare or somethin'? Every day you give dat bum--
Da Mayor ain't no bum.
Give dat bum a dollar for sweeping our sidewalk. What do we pay Mookie for? He don't even work. I work harder than him and I'm your own son.
You talk to 'em.
Smack him back.
What?
You deaf or what?
Who's your favorite basketball player?
Magic Johnson.
And not Larry Bird? Who's your favorite movie star?
Shut up. The Boss! Bruuucce!!!!
Pino, I think secretly that you wish you were Black. That's what I think. Vito, what do you say?
Y'know, I've been listening and reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't know that, did you?
I didn't know you could read.
Fuck you. Anyway, Minister Farrakhan always talks about the so-called "day" when the Black man will rise. "We will one day rule the earth as we did in our glorious past." You really believe that shit?
It's e-vit-able.
Keep dreaming.
Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra, too.
Dago, wop, garlic-breath, guinea, pizza-slinging, spaghetti-bending, Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, nonsinging motherfucker.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just got here. You sweep. I betcha Sal asked you first anyhow.
Mister Señor Love Daddy is cool.
Ya like him, huh?
Yeah.
Y'know, Vito, I know Pino is ya brother and shit, but the next time he hits ya, the next time he touches ya, you should "house him." Kick his ass.
I don't know.
If you don't make a stand, he's gonna be beating ya like a egg for the rest of your life.
That's what you think?
That's what I think.
I'll do that.
Pino, I work hard like everybody in here.
Pino, no joke. C'mon, answer.
Whaddup. Money?
I was going to buy a slice.
I'll be back after I make this delivery.
That's the dope.
I just copped them. Let me tell you the story of Right-Hand--Left- Hand--the tale of Good and Evil.
I'm listening.
Brother, Mookie, if I love you I love you, but if I hate you...
I understand.
I love you, my brother.
See, Pop. That's just what I was talkin' about. Every single time you tell Pino to do something, he gives it to me.
Get the broom.
Me and you are gonna have a talk.
Sez who?
Fuck you and stay off the phone.
Some are OK.
I know this.
I love you.
I'm listening.
Good. I want you to listen.
Jesus Christ on the cross, I said I'm listening.
Good. Vito, you trust that Mook too much. So does Pop.
Mookie's OK.
You listening to me?
Stop busting my balls. I said I'm listening ten fucking times already.
Mookie is not to be trusted. No Moulan Yan can be trusted. The first time you turn your back, boom, a knife right here. In the back.
How do you know this?
I know.
You really think so?
I know so. He, them, they're not to be trusted.
Be on guard. Mookie has Pop conned already, so we have to look out for him.
I like Mookie a lot.
Pino, get a broom and sweep out front.
Hey! Watch it.
I didn't want to come to work anyway. I hate this freakin' place.
Can you do better? I didn't think so. This is a respectable business. Nuthin' wrong with it. Get dat broom.
Pino, relax, will ya.
I should have Vito go with you all the time.
C'mere. Don't get too friendly with da Mook.
Sal's Famous Pizzeria, yeah, two large pizzas, pepperoni and anchovies, hold on... See, Pop, Mookie fucking talking on the phone and people are trying to call in orders. He's making us lose business.
Mookie, you're fucking up.
Turn it off.
Pop, I think we should sell this place, get outta here while we're still ahead...and alive.
Since when do you know what's best for us?
Couldn't we sell this and open up a new one in our own neighborhood?
Too many pizzerias already there.
Then we could try something else.
We don't know nuthin' else.
I didn't think so.
Pop, what else can I say? I don't wanna be here, they don't want us here. We should stay in our own neighborhood, stay in Bensonhurst.
You're gonna be in the street with the rest of your homeboys.
Pop, stop lying.
Vito! Pino! Let's go.
The both of youse, shaddup.
Pop asked you.
How ya doin', Mookie?
Both of youse--shaddup. This is a place of business.
Take it easy, Pop.
Pop, I'm gonna go with Mookie.
No, I'm not it.
Yeah, you are. He touched you. You're "it" until you touch someone else.
You're it.
Yeah, we're closed. So go away.
Oh my god, are you alright?
But I came here to learn about America.
Baby listen, there's nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.
Ting tao kuun jahn leeka leeka powww.
She's saying... a beautiful swan...
Sleeeeew sheek baw...
Kan maaaaw Roy Orbison kin nah mah oh che.
I don't get it. Why'd you make him a pirate?
CHING CHONG, What happened to your beautiful Asian accent?
Hi.
Well I hope the carpet matches the drapes.
Excuse me.
In the new library there.
Oh, yeah. I don't think they do. You're new here, right?
Depends how you define 'new'...
You're the kid who was home schooled.
Yeah. How'd you know?
I've been assigned to write an article about you for the school paper. It was either a feature on you or the new four-color ink pens at the student store.
Four colors? Neato!
Yeah, well, I'd much rather write an expose or a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing really ever happens around here. But, I chose you and that's fine. I'm Jessica Matthews.
Hey guys.
Do you thill want to do an arwticle on me, Jethica?
Tomorrow we go on a fee-eee-eee- wald twrip.
HARRY!
MS. HELLER said not to talk to you.
That's because Ms. Heller doesn't want you to know this whole thing is a scam.
A-ha! I had a feeling it was all a fake.
You did?
Yeah. Look at this polar bear. It hasn't moved in half an hour. And those Eskimos over there...I'm sure at least one of them is a mannequin.
Oh Harry, you're so funny. Now I have something that's kind of delicate...
Oh, you want to talk about your delicates?
Are you trying to be funny? Or are you actually re--, re...special
We're all special. Everyone Lloyd and I chose for the class is special.
Excuse me?
Come over around seven.
O'clock?
Yeah...
Wipe your feet. My parents are totally anal.
Ooh gross.
Would you like something to drink?
Okay, there's a lot for us to go over, so it may get hard for you.
Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? You had questions?
I checked with the school board, she's not an accredited teacher.
That's okay. Lloyd's really the one teaching the class.
LLOYD? What about Ms. Heller?
She says that she's got more important things to do now that the new mall opened.
Sit down, I have something to tell you.
I'm fine.
What? Well now I'm in a position where I may just heed your help.
Po, po, position...? Hey, here's thought, have you a bathroom?
Just down the hall.
HARRY? Are you okay?
Are you kidding? I couldn't be more okay.
My mom wants to know if you can stay for dinner.
Are you kidding? I'll be down in a "I-crapped-my-pants."
What?
What are you wearing?
Okay.
Why didn't you tell us your boyfriend was Principal Collins?
Hey look, it's our teacher.
Uh... not a great first impression... Dinner's ready.
The name's Walter.
We've got some margarine too if you'd like to scoop it out of the tub.
No, I'm fine thanks.
Well save room for Mrs. Matthews famous baked brisket.
Is it true what you said to Captain Rob?
Yes, Harry. I can't home school you anymore. So maybe it's time to make some new friends, some friends your own age...
Wow, a treasure map! What's the treasure?
It could be anything. You're going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.
Wow just like Marco Polo.
I don't follow.
You're going to be just fine, HARRY.
I know I am, Mom.
Here's your lunch. And an apple and banana for extra energy.
Mom, you know that never works.
Oh, Harry, I'm so proud of you making a real friend.
Is it okay if he spends the night?
Then a sleep-over is okay by me. Okay boys, eat up.
Oh Lloyd, you gotta taste my Mom's pie!
You could've saved that for the tooth fairy!
That's stupid! I happen to know my mom is the tooth fairy.
Your mom is the tooth fairy? That is so cool!
Yeah, she must do all the flying around when I'm asleep. HARRY Dunne.
No thanks, not hungry. Harry Dunne. Why does that name not sound familiar?
Probably because we've never met.
No, that's not it. Anyway - LLOYD Christmas.
Here I am bragging my Mom is the tooth fairy, and I'm talking to Santa's kid!
I haven't seen you around here before.
Home school. Til today.
Home school? What's that?
I go to school where I live.
I think it's just over there.
Is that what I think it is?
No, it's a treasure map.
Cool.
My mom says the treasure's somewhere in the school.
I don't know. I'm pretty familiar with the school and I've never seen that "X". But... I do know something.
What?
Yeah, dangerous cult. Don't make eye contact or they might talk to you.
Don't we want them to talk to us?
No no no no no.
Why not?
Well, besides cooties and other medical reasons, they're not in the cool crowd. Which I am, and you want to be. Know what I mean?
Oh my gosh, I don't think she's even wearing underwear!
How nerdy is that? I'm wearing two pairs right now.
You know Harry, this is my favorite time of day.
Yeah, it's nice. And your friend TURK is totally great.
God, she's beautiful. My wiener's all tingly.
Who's Principal Collins?
The principal.
You know, you're the first person I've brought here.
Oh, is this your special place?
No, I just usually eat my lunch on the crapper. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.
Can we eat there tomorrow?
Sure, but first we have to find kids special, needy and classy enough to be in Special Needs.
H A R R Y...
The second R is silent.
One day they'll find a cure.
We're part of a special class taught by the lunch lady, er, I mean Ms. Heller. Maybe you'd like to join us, it doesn't require any walking.
...oh also, we even have a slogan. 'S' and 'P' stands for 'Special People', which is the kind of kids we are. 'A' and 'Z' is for 'Aren't Zeros' because that is less then one, and when you put it all together it spells...
Wow! It's a half-boy, half-horse. The boys walk up to him, impressed.
Maybe we should ask Jessica to join the class.
Got any crazy eights?
Oh, yeah. Well I almost always beat Captain Rob.
Who's Captain Rob?
Just a guy I hang out with.
I know the type. Lives in the basement, smells like a sponge...
No! Captain Rob is seven feet tall, wears an eye patch, got a hook for a hand...
Sounds like a pirate.
What? No no. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, buries treasure...
Yeah, he's a pirate.
I don't think so. This guy drinks rum from a barrel, says "yo ho ho" has a peg leg...
Peg leg?
Yeah, go-cart accident.
Exactly! A pirate!
If he heard you talking like that he'd make you walk the plank. Three, two, one. Now it's your turn, spin.
Whoa. What was that?
What?
Your mom made a move on me.
She did not.
Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be your new daddy.
LLOYD, she's my mom.
I can't help my heart. And when I'm your dad, you'll have to do as I say.
Will not.
Don't use that tone with me, young man.
Shut up!
I will stop this car right now.
You're not my real dad.
You take that back!
Shut Up! Buttlick!
Where did you learn that word?
I learned it from listening to you! I hate you!
That would be me, sir. The wife made stew last night.
Collins is a great man!
HARRY.
You look familiar. Did I have your brother?
No.
What's with horse-boy, now he's a bright shiny sun?
...and who was Benjamin Franklin again?
The pilgrim who used penicillin to kill Godzilla.
I didn't know that.
Welcome to public school, my friend.
Hey, teach, how'd you get so smart?
When you live in the basement of the school, you breathe in a lot of chalk dust. It writes out all the answers on your brain. Now how about a slushee?
A. Slushee. Don't tell me. Abraham Slushee. Third president of the United States.
Nice jugs.
You're it.
You're it.
Can he do that?
These are really cold, huh?
Owww... refreshing.
I don't know. Owwww.
My head is suddenly killing me. Maybe it's from all the learning today.
Owww.
There she goes, now wearing nothing but her underwear.
LLOYD, where've you been? I've been waiting forever. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry. Why are you dressed like a Queen!?
...cause you said...
HARRY, I said don't 'dress like a Queen'!
Oh... that makes much more sense. I had a heck of time getting these drapes from my mom. You don't want to know where I put the cord.
According to the map, we're just about at school.
What?
Our own special bus.
How do you know it's for us?
Nope. I was right.
Uh oh. Captain Rob's always been my partner.
Sucks for you.
Who's your partner?
I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
Well... Uh...maybe... jeez, how can I say this... you and I could...perhaps ...maybe...uh... partner up?
You and me? Dream on, desperado.
Oh. Sorry. You're right, field trip partner is a big commitment.
That's a cow, Harry.
Sorry about that Harry, first time I've brought a friend up there. You okay?
Who cares? Chicks are for fags.
I think she wants me to come over to put me into the right position to check out her delicates, what ever that means.
Oh yeah, buddy, you're gonna get "some".
Some what?
You know... She's gonna be all over you like a barrel of monkeys, with her tight shirt and short skirt... Eeeww, it's so faggy I can't even talk about it.
Come on, Lloyd. You must know someone I can talk to.
Sure I do. On one condition.
You can't marry my mom.
It's really not up to you, Harry. But we just want you to feel like you're part of the decision.
Shut up!
Oh hey Lloyd, why are you here?
Just wanted to see how your doing.
I kinda screwed things up.
I'm sure you're overreacting.
I don't think so.
You're always your harshest critic.
She wants me to stay for dinner, I don't know what to say to her.
Okay, I saw this in a movie once. Open the dining room window and follow my lead. Say what I say.
HARRY, can you hear me?
You have beautiful eyes.
Hey, where did you come from?
Do you want me to pet your head?
I bet you want your head scratched.
Don't snap at me like that. You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face.
Now what are you staring at, you ugly monkey?
Sure, I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
LLOYD, what are you doing? That's JESSICA and... my mom.
HARRY, this is my fantasy! I suggest you leave - before I imagine something horrible.
But-
HARRY!
HARRY! I found the treasure!
Go away, assface.
Did you hear what I said? The treasure! Like on your map!
Yeah, right. Why don't you show it to your "girlfriend"?
JESSICA and I are through. I couldn't stand being with her knowing you liked her. It wasn't worth our friendship. Oh, and she also has a boyfriend.
Do you hear something, Captain Rob?
Captain Rob came back?
Yeah, he does sound like a rat fink.
Hey, there's no reason to use that kind of language!
Good one, Captain Rob. He does look like a you-know-what.
HARRY, would you like to share with the rest of us what's so funny?
No one knows?
Me, me, me!
By the way, did Captain Rob mention how I beat the crap out of him this afternoon?
No. What happened?
A raft.
A blimp.
George Washington!
Who?
Wow, we built a whole float in one afternoon. And now the reward.
If you have to ask, you don't know.
Yeah, that's why I asked.
You certainly did.
I know I did.
You're it.
Am not.
Are, too.
It's okay. I want the rush.
Hey, it's Jessica.
PRINCIPAL COLLINS is her boyfriend!
No wonder we both struck out with her. Who can compete with the sexual power of the man who occupies the highest office in the land?
He's like the Pope. Like we're gonna snake a girl away from the Pope.
Cute puppy.
Hey, look. Ice cream.
You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me.
Three words. I did. But you were all mad at me and wouldn't listen.
Well, I'm listening now.
You know Lloyd, the real treasure is our friendship.
How true. But I still feel I deserve more than you do of this treasure. I mean, I found it.
But my mom gave me the map.
I lugged it all over town!
I made the polar bear pants.
But I ate your Mom's pie.
I... found that rock.
Enough! Look what this cursed chest is doing to us.
I have no idea - it's full of files and documents and tapes.
Hey Lloyd. This looks like another one of your mix tapes.
That makes total sense. The treasure chest was in his office. Which means Principal Collins is a pirate! I'm surprised Captain Rob never mentioned him.
What was it Jessica wanted us to do with this chest again?
Something about showing the world what Principal Collins has done.
What? What did we do?
We never thanked him for giving us our Special Needs class.
That's what Jessica was talking about!
She wants us to show the world what a great guy Principal Collins is.
A float!
HARRY, we found the real thing to be thankful for. Screw George Washington!
Ready Lloyd?
Wait, wait!
HARRY, are we gonna build this thing or not?
Guys, this is much better.
Oh my god. Can you believe your ears?
Yeah! No more clicks and whistles! Now she speaks perfect English!
Start the tape, Lloyd.
Oh, good. There's Jessica.
Hey there goes Principal Collins!
He's so modest. Probably embarrassed by all the attention.
Oh my God! She's two-timing PRINCIPAL COLLINS!
Ya know Harry, I think this whole experience has soured me on women.
Yeah, we should never let a woman come between us again.
Hold up. First, we have to decide who gets who, remember? No more competition?
Right.
The one on the left.
Damn! What are the odds?
What?
She's one of a kind.
Try one in a million!
You take her.
Sorry, Charlie.
Beats me. It's Jessica's Dad - she said he's really anal.
That's gross.
MS. HELLER, mind if I tag along on your field trip? I'm thinking of doing a story on your special needs class.
I'm not interested. Not after the smear story you did on my chicken sushi.
Well, when 200 students are hospitalized with stomach cramps I think it's newsworthy.
Nevertheless, you could have mentioned the sauce. Well, I see you have a camera.
So can I come along?
Are you wearing a coconut bra?
Oh, you're good.
Why are you teaching Special Needs? You're the lunch lady.
Dietician! This interview is over. You can have the camera back tomorrow. Come by the classroom. Heller heads off.
I thought I told you to get lost.
Look Ms. Heller, there's something fishy here, and I don't think it's Friday's special.
You had some questions.
Last year Toby was in A.P. English. And Lewis won the Science Fair. What are they doing in Special Needs?
Poor question. Too wordy. A good question gets right to the point. Example, where's my chest?
I don't know what you're talking about.
My parents are going to wonder where I am.
So what did you say to my parents on the phone?
I'm going to ask you one last time and if I don't get an answer, I don't even want to think about the consequences which would be frightening to say the least. Where's my chest, Jessica?
Well, what have we here? It appears be a tape.
That's not your tape.
Then where did you get this not my tape.
THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.
TURK, leave him alone.
TURK, what are you doing here?
Special Needs class.
Being a jerk doesn't make you special.
You're just jealous.
Hey, Turk rescued you from the nerd. You're in!
HARRY, I heard Collins has you in some kind of special class.
If dou're trying to get in, dou're doo late.
Why ith dat newth?
Yes, what?
Well I was born in St. Louis.
What are you doing here?
Checking up on my friend, Harry.
What?
You know, "some". The fag stuff.
HARRY and I have been talking about school. In fact, I want to ask you something.
Where'd that come from? He holds up a giant key chain.
Come on, I live with the janitor. I have a key to every room in the school.
So could you get us into the principal's office?
So, when can we do it?
Oh, baby, you're the bestest.
Well, something stinks.
Maybe it's this mix tape I made you. Or maybe these flowers. He gives Jessica the flowers and tape.
Uh, thanks. God I'm so excited! So, are you ready to take me to the principal's office? He whips out the key, she takes it.
What are you doing?
I'm so close I can feel it.
Me too. I'm almost there.
That's it. I'm done.
That was fast. Well, did you at least enjoy it?
No, it was a complete waste of time.
That's my boyfriend.
Boyfriend? What about all that talk about riding my waxer?
HARRY! Lloyd! You guys are a mess.
... If I may quote the twentieth century poet - Joe Piscahpo: You look Marvelous...
LLOYD, when we were in Principal Collins's office, did you see any kind of chest?
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself and I'm getting the story every high school reporter dreams of.
He's going to be in jail for a long time.
Well I need to get a job and you're telling me that if I join up - I can really come and go whenever I want?
Do I know you?
Duh. I'm in your class at school.
Oh my God, it's really you. You're HARRY's friend, right?
I don't know if you'd call us "friends"...
You really are a pirate.
Can you believe it?
So I'm an "arrrrrs-hole", eh Captain Rob?
Hello, little orphan boy. What happened to you?
What? It's nothing, the cast comes off in six weeks.
How much homework is there?
That's the downside. There is none.
Wait a minute. I can spend the whole year in a class taught by the lunch lady? Can I bring my girlfriend?
Sure.
Go in there and get us two slushees.
Okay.
Do we have a deal?
Yeah, deal. Give me the two dollars.
Ha! I said "doll-hairs." Psych! But a deal's a deal, my friend. In you go.
Fine. Give me the doll hairs.
Thanks for the grub, Mrs. D. Where's Mr. D?
He passed away three years ago.
Well he missed a great pot of stew!
It was meatloaf. You just put everything in your soup.
Hey you two. Lights out.
Mrs. D! I was hoping you'd show up.
Oh honey, I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Have you got what I want?
You know I do!
How was that?
Senior year. My little boy. Who woulda thunk it? You're a good kid, Lloyd. I don't say it enough, but I'm proud of you son.
LLOYD, may I see you a minute?
What are you crazy kids doing in my tool shed?
We're not crazy. We're "special". PRINCIPAL COLLINS wants us to have our own classroom!
My boy's special, well how about that. I knew you were different.
So I guess you'll need a new spot for your moonshine.
Your assignment is to pick the class. Find some other students just as special as you.
Will that be on the midterm?
Sorry, Ms. Heller. I think they're used to me teaching.
That's not bad. How about a float of George Washington crossing the Delaware?
Obviously.
Let's go Margie. The museum ain't going to teach itself.
Looking for a scoop, huh? I'll give you a scoop... of short bus. Lose her!
Loser... oh yeah he was a loser alright. A big loser.
What?
He was a big loser! What are you deaf!?
That's great, now make a left, then straight!
Left here! Left!
Ha! Too big to make the turn!
I think you did it.
Damn right I did it. Went back and set the house on fire, his little floozy testified in court - and I ended up doing ten years at Rikers, got my teeth knocked out by Mike the Dyke.
I'm not sure if I can do this.
Sure you can. We gotta nail this guy. You'll be fine.
Collins can be a pretty crafty guy, what do I do if he smells the trap.
I don't think he'll smell anything - just make sure he takes the check. I've been through this a hundred times.
Well you know Detective, he's expecting 'Moffit' to be someone who has... certain... well...
I am strong!
I can turn on all the faucets in my house. Even the hose.
... and, Principal Collins, you'll be pleased to know that this year Wednesdays are "South of the Border" days. We'll serve a spicy tuna tamale along with a cheese quesadilla.
God, I've missed you.
You know honey, I've finally figured out a way of bilking enough money from the school to get us that condo in Waikiki.
How baby-cakes? You've done it all.
It's the big potato.
Anyway, the state is giving a hundred thousand dollars in his name to every school that has a Special Needs class.
Oh, this is fantastic. So all we have to do is kill this Moffit guy and we get all the money!
No. No. That's not it. We don't kill him. We don't kill anybody. But I like the way you're thinking. You're focused and you're trying to follow. No, what we need to do is start a fake Special Needs class.
We start our own class?
You said "aloha" twice.
Aloha means hello and goodbye.
Times two.
To take a picture for Superintendent Zimmer?
So far so good. We'll need more pictures. Why don't you take them on a field trip tomorrow.
And...?
And, take some more pictures.
Wow, you are smart.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Guess what"s under these coconuts.
What?
It's a surprise.
Well I've got a little surprise for you.
You got the Extender?
No. No. I heard from Superintendent ZIMMER this morning and evidently he's so impressed with our Special Needs class, he's bringing Richard MOFFIT himself to the Thanksgiving Day parade- check in hand.
So what do you keep in there?
Oh, things. Photos. Tapes. I tape everything that goes on in this office.
Everything?
Oh, just like the President.
Baby, I'm going to spend the morning at the mall. You know, shop for Waikiki. Honey, what are you looking for?
The chest! The chest that I put my papers in.
What papers?
The documents. The photos! The tapes! The evidence.
The evidence of what?
Where is it?
I don't know where it is. It's not here. It's been stolen.
Wait a minute, I think I know who stole it.
It was Jessica. That girl who tried to follow me on the field trip.
JESSICA. Are you sure?
She's been snooping around a lot, asking questions.
Okay, I'll take care of Jessica.
Are you going to kill her?
So the chest is still out there somewhere.
Yes. So as soon as Zimmer shows up, we'll get our check and blow this pop stand before anyone finds out anything.
I sold all the wind instruments. Hawaiian Air, business class. And you like that new fur coat?
Love it!
This is horse?
My Lord!
The Atreides will be leaving Caladan soon, Baron, and I have here your answer from Duke Leto.
What does Leto say, Piter?
He wishes to inform you that Vendetta -- as he puts it, using the ancient tongue, the art of Kanly -- is still alive. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.
It was Feyd? It was Feyd! Where is the ducal signet ring? I must have his ring.
The ring?... he was brought to us as is, Baron. I...
So you are Dr. Kynes, the Imperial Ecologist?
I prefer the more ancient term, planetologist... Noble Born.
I understand we have you to thank for these stillsuits, Doctor.
My thanks.
What happens now?
What's that you're saying?
A Third Stage Guild Navigator will be here within minutes!
We felt his presence.
I shall want telepathy during his visit and a report when we're finished.
Their minds are so.... They move in strange directions....
Yes?
Forced spice evolution of humans changes many things.... I must sit close to him.
He will not permit anyone but me to see him. You must be outside this room.... Do what you can.
Yes, my Lord.
We have just folded space from Ix...
Yes?... How was your journey?
Many machines on Ix... new machines.
I see two Great Houses -- House Atreides, House Harkonnen -- feuding... I see you behind it.
You must share with us. -- EMPEROR The Atreides house is building a secret army!... using a technique unknown to us... a technique involving sound. The Duke is becoming more popular in the Landsraad... he could threaten me.... I have ordered House Atreides to occupy Arrakis to mine the spice... thus replacing their enemies the Harkonnens.... House Atreides will not refuse because of the
So the Harkonnens will rid you of House Atreides...
Can you hear me?... If this visit has anything to do with spice... -- The Guild Navigator shudders and swishes quite violently in his tank.
I can assure you...
So, this is Leto the Just...
I hope I made myself clear. You may call him "The Duke," "My lord," or "Sire." And there is a more ancient term you might keep in mind -- "Noble Born."
The Duke is to be addresses as... -- Kynes comes forward and adjusts the Duke's suit, checking seals and pulling on straps.
Basically...
Yes, Sire.
Dust cloud ahead, Sire.
No music. I'm packing this for the crossing. Shield practice.
Shield practice? Gurney... we had practice -- this morning..... I'm not in the mood.
Not in the mood?! Mood's a thing for cattle and love play... not fighting.
I'm sorry Gurney.
What's gotten into Gurney? He's not faking. Paul presses forward and the fight moves quickly around the room. The smell of ozone grows stronger as the shields hit and SPARK off one another. Paul directs a parry downwards, turns, and leads Gurney against the table, plunging at just the right moment to pin Gurney against the table top with his blade right at Gurney's
Is this what you seek?
We'd have joined each other in death. However, you did seem to finally get the "mood".
Would you really have drawn my blood?
Things have been so serious here lately.
You've no need of your weapons with me Gurney Halleck.
Paul!! Paul!!
Don't you trust your own eyes.
Gurney... I see Thufir Hawat among the captives. Let him stand free.
My Lord?
This is a Harkonnen animal. Let me, please, my Lord.
Perhaps these are the ones Mapes told us of.
Are you trained in the ways of the desert?
No, but many consider my training valuable.
Stop! Get back!! She has the weirding way. Why didn't you tell us! Great gods... if you can do this to the strongest of us you're worth ten times your weight of water. As a leader of my people I give you my bond: teach us this weirding way and you both shall have sanctuary. Your water shall mingle with our water.
Sayyadina. Our Reverend Mother tells me she is too old... She has been calling through space and time for you to come and let her rest. She asks that you pass within.
They want me to take the Water of Life... the Truthsayer drug... so dangerous, yet... we must move swiftly if we're to secure our place among these Fremen. I will try to pass within.
Death may be the result.... Are you sure?
You know the ancient tongues?
I know the Bhotani Jib and Chakobsa, all the hunting languages.
As the legend says.
Do you know this my lady?
It could only be one thing.... It's a crysknife.
Say it not lightly... Do you know its meaning?
Maker?... Maker is the key word... the tooth of the worm? That was close... Did you think that I, knowing the mysteries of the Great Mother, would not know the maker?
Paul, this is the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam. She is going to... observe you... Please... -- REVEREND MOTHER Jessica, you know it must be done. I enjoin you to stand guard at the door and practice the meditation of peace.
Your Reverence.
What does she fear? What about my Father?
Don't touch my mother...
Remove her gag!
I can't maintain any altitude... we'll never reach the safety of rock. Maybe that small rock.
Where are we do you think?
A million deaths are not enough for Yueh...
Listen to me!... you wanted to know about my dreams... and I've just had a waking dream... do you know why?... -- JESSICA Calm yourself/
The spice! It's in everything here. The air, the soil, the food... It's like the Truthsayer drug..... It's a poison!!!! You knew the spice would change me. But thanks to your teachings it's changed my consciousness. I can see it... I can see it.
Is he....?
You carry my unborn sister in your womb!
He knows.
It's further than I thought... a worm is sure to come.... I'll plant a thumper, that should divert it. -- Paul moves off into the shadows. Suddenly, Jessica SEES a burst of LIGHTNING illuminate the mountain of rock in the distant and the vast dunes before them.
Remember... walk without rhythm and we won't attract a worm... it'll go to the thumper.
Run!
Cinnamon... the spice! Do you smell it?
Yes...
What's happened?... Why did it leave?
Man-carved steps.
Stop him yourself.
Are you a Fremen?
I am a servant of the His Majesty the Emperor. I have served His Majesty on Arrakis long enough for my eyes to change.
You've worn a stillsuit before?
No.
Your suit is fitted desert fashion. Who told you how to do that?
No one. It... seemed the proper way.
Will we see a worm?
Where there is spice and spice mining there are always worms.
Always?
Always.
Why do they come?
Spice!... pure un-refined spice!
Liet?
You have strength... real strength... You shall be known as Usul, which is the strength of the base of the pillar. This is your secret name in our troop. But you must choose the name of manhood which we will call you openly.
What do you call the mouse shadow in the second moon?
We call that one Muad'dib.
Could I be known as Paul Muad'dib?
Water on Arrakis!!! I have seen this place in a dream. A treasure.
The Water of Life.
My own name is a killing word. Will it be a healing word as well?
We surprised a band of smugglers.
Long live the fighters!
What's in the box?
The Voice again.
I hold at your neck the gom jabbar. Don't pull away or you'll feel that poison. A Duke's son must know about many poisons -- this one kills only animals.
Are you suggesting a Duke's son is an animal?
Let us say I suggest you may be human. Your awareness may be powerful enough to control your instincts. Your instincts will be to remove your hand from the box. If you do so you will die. You will feel an itching -- there... see? Now the itching becomes burning... heat, upon heat, upon heat.
It burns.
SILENCE... SILENCE.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... I will permit it to pass over me and through me. -- The Reverend Mother moves her face up to his. Her ancient face with its metal teeth gleaming inches away breathes hotly. She is smiling.
THE PAIN!
Pain by nerve induction... A human can resist any pain. Our test is crisis and observation.
Your mother wants you to tell me about your dreams. I only want to know one thing.... Do they come true?
Not all of them... I know which ones will.
Perhaps you are the Kwisatz Haderach.
What is it?
The person who can be many places at once... the one who bridges space and time.... He will look where we cannot.
Where?
Do you know of the Water of Life?... the Truthsayer drug?
I have heard of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER It is very dangerous... very painful. The Bene Gesserit sisterhood drink it to see within.... There is a place terrifying to us... to women. It is said a man will come... the Kwisatz Haderach... he will go where we cannot... Many men have tried...
Did they try and fail?
I sense your teachings in him. Ignore the regular order of training. His safety requires The Voice.
Well he isn't... and he won't die... Tell me he won't die!
What can be done has been done.
... Many men have tried.
Did they try and fail?
Don't try your powers on me. Try looking into that place where you dare not look. You'll find me there staring back at you!! You Bene Gesserit have waited ninety generations to produce the one person your schemes required. Here I stand. But... I will never be yours.
You mustn't speak of...
I heard you, Dr. Yueh and Gurney coming down the hall.
Those sounds could be imitated.
Yes. Perhaps he would at that.
Many dangers exist on Arrakis. For one, we know the Harkonnens would not have given up their CHOAM company contract so easily.
Now remember... the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence.
I know. But if it is a trap then why are we going?
Greetings. I am the Count.
Say, that's a funny place to sleep.
It is my home.
Uh, beg to differ.
"Beg to differ?!" Hey, I'm talkin' about my duplex in Burbank!
Mr. <u>Lugosi</u>! It is an unparalleled privilege to meet you. Allow me to introduce myself... I am CRISWELL!
It's a pleasure...
Bring me two more Beefeater martinis. Eddie will have another whiskey, Dagmar's a Rum-and-coke, Moustapha and King are chablis -- hey Bela, would you like a wine?
So <u>you</u> sleep in coffins?!
Yes. There is nothing more comfortable.
I can't believe this! <u>I</u> sleep in coffins!
No.
Eddie, where are we? We passed that carwash twenty minutes ago.
Excuse me, Mr. Lugosi??
I told you, I don't want any of your goddamn coffins.
No. I don't work here.
Who are you? What do you want?
I don't want anything. I'm just a really big, big fan. I've seen all your movies.
Why were you buying a coffin?
Because I'm planning on dying soon.
Really?
You know, I saw you perform "Dracula." In Poughkeepsie, in 1938.
Eh, that was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!
I thought it was great. You were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.
Thank you.
I waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.
Oh, there's my bus. Shit, where's my transfer?!
Don't you bave a car?
Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life. When is your next picture coming out?
I have no next picture.
Ah, you gotta be jokin'! A great man like you... I'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.
But you're a big star!
They don't want the classic horror films anymore. Today, it's all giant bugs, giant spiders, giant grasshoppers -- who would believe such nonsense!
The old ones were much spookier. They had castles, full moons...
They were <u>mythic</u>. They had a poetry to them. And you know what else? The women prefer the traditional monsters.
The <u>women</u>?
The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them. Because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror.
I never thought of that.
Shh! I'm coming! I will feed you!
Well... I guess I should go. Perhaps we could get together again?
Ugh! I hate the way she interrupts the pictures. She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.
Vampira! You will come under my spell! You will be my slave of love.
Hey Bela, how do you do that?
I am getting tired. I need to take my medicine.
Do you want me to get it for you?
Are you sure this is okay?
Eddie, you got a new movie for me?!
Eddie, what kind of movie is this?
Well, It's about how people have two personalities. The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.
Ehh, your part's a little different. You're like the God that looks down on all the characters, and oversees everything.
I don't understand.
Well... you control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.
Ah, so I pull the strings!
Bela! It's so great to see you! And eight o'clock on the dot. Right on time!
I am always on time.
Of course! Well, we got a big day planned for you... First, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there. Then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --
Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?
You're right, Bela. Now Dracula, <u>that's</u> a part that takes acting.
Look, you seem a little agitated. Do you maybe wanna take a little break, go for a nice walk... and then we'll come back and shoot the scene?
How 'bout a western? People love westerns.
But, I don't like horses. Do I have to get on one?
Eh, forget it. What else is big? Teenagers! Jailbait pics! Yeah... You got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --
Who do I play?
Uh, a cop. NO! You play the father. He's <u>angry</u>! He doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his <u>daughter</u> behave this way!
Sure. Romance, that's great! To engineer your comeback, we're gonna need a whole slate of pictures. Once "Glen Or Glenda" takes off, we'll slam you into one, then another, then another!
That's good. I could use the money.
But we need to start off with a bang! Something we <u>know</u> the audience will want to see. Mmm. What was your biggest hit?
Hmm... my biggest hit? That would probably be "Dracula."
Those bastards at Universal. I made so much money for them, and now I can't get the time of day.
So let's make another "Dracula." Let's make "The Return of Dracula"!
We can't. Those sons-a-bitches control the rights.
Ha-ha! Dr. Acula!
Dracula?
No! <u>Doctor Acula</u>! You can still wear the cape, have the fangs... but you're a doctor! Not a count.
Ah! This is very exciting.
Bela, what happened?!
I didn't feel well...
Let me take you to the hospital.
Should I call a doctor?
Is there anything I can get you? Water? A blanket?
Goulash.
What's in the needle?
Morphine, with a demerol chaser. Eddie, I'm so broke. I don't know what I'm gonna do...
"Greetings. I am the Count."
"Greetings. I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure." Audience laughs. Applause. "Say, that's a funny place to sleep."
"It is my home."
"Oh, tract housing, huh?" Laugh. "You need a new real estate agent."
No Bela, that's "incorporates." Look, just say "This casket has..."
Bela, don't worry. You're better than all this crap.
I never said I could ad-lib...
Goodbye! Goodbye!
So how'd we do?
Bela, are you ready?
Mmph? Where am I?
You'll be sitting on the right.
I'm not getting near that goddamn thing. One of those burned me on "The Return Of Chandu."
"Dear, you are a woman of super strength and beauty. A lovely vision of exquisitely beauty -- shit!" Damn! Eddie, I'm sorry I can't remember all this. I'm an old man. It's too long.
That's fine, Bela. We're still rolling. Just say "Dear, you're lovely."
Bela, I don't know what I'm doin' anymore...
What is this place?
Was I wrong to cast Loretta?
Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget. Just keep looking forward.
But was it a bad decision? At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.
Eddie, you screwed up.
In life, the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you just don't know... where right or wrong will never be answered. Years ago, the Hungarians contacted me. The government wanted me to come home, to be Minister of Culture.
Really?
It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home... I'd be treated like a king.
So why didn't you do it?
I didn't know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag. I am Hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.
But maybe not.
Eddie, I'm so tired... I don't know if I can handle a night shoot...
Let's shoot this fucker! Where do I go?
You'll be fighting with the octopus.
Out <u>there</u>?! What happened to the stream?
This'll look a lot better. We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
Goddamn, it's cold!
Once you're in it, it warms up.
Okay! How do we turn this thing on?
Do you know I turned down "Frankenstein"?
Huh?
Bela, I've got twenty-five scenes to shoot tonight.
Don't let me slow you down.
Bela. I just wanna thank you again for last night.
That's fine, Eddie. All in the line of duty.
No. Seriously. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me. A great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.
Well, there aren't too many other fellas I'd do it for...
Eddie, this is quite a scene.
Why are you here??
Shit! Bela, what's with the gun?
Why aren't you on your honeymoon? Where's Myrna?
What are you doing?
I was thinking about killing myself.
Jesus Christ, what an evening. What happened?
Eddie, I received a letter from the government. They're cutting off my unemployment. That's all I've got. Without it, I can't pay the rent...
Don't you have any savings?
Buddy, I don't know if that's such a good idea.
It'll be wonderful. We'll be at peace. In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
Bela, I'm on your side. C'mon, give me the gun... If you give me the gun, I'll make you a drink. What are you drinking?
Don't worry.
I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm so sorry.
What happened?!
Isn't it wonderful? After all these years, the press is showing an interest again in Bela Lugosi.
Bela, they're parasites! They just want to exploit you.
I've got some good news. The doctor says you're all better. You can come home.
Really? I don't feel so great.
Eddie, I wanna make another picture. When are we gonna make another picture?
So Eddie, don't we need a sound crew?
No, this is just the second unit. We'll do the main footage later.
Oh. So what is the scene about?
Okay. But what if I'm not in <u>too</u> big a hurry? What if I take a moment to slow down and savor the beauty of life? To smell a flower?
And, cut...
Eddie, how was I?
Sorry...
Last night was quite a romp.
Did you see that kid grab Vampira's tits?
I envied him. Hell, I envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.
Yeah, she's really somethin'.
Eddie, I want to thank you. These last few days have been a good time.
I just wish you coulda seen the movie.
So guess where I'm going next weekend?
I don't know. Where?
Mexico! And guess what I'm going to do there?!
I dunno. Lie on the beach?
Jesus! Are you serious?
I've never seen anything like him!
And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married --
This is gonna be Bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive! Like one of those mad scientist movies. I want beakers, and test tubes, and one of those electrical things that buzzes!
You mean a Tesla coil?
PLACES, EVERYONE! ROLL CAMERA!
And, CUT! PRINT IT! LET'S MOVE ON!
Don't you want a second take, for protection?
Um, okay... roll camera
Rolling.
Which one <u>is</u> the red one?
What do you mean?
Hey Ed, shouldn't we do another take? Big Baldy kinda got stuck in the doorway.
I got the early edition! It was just dropped off at the newsstand.
You really think so?
What happened?! Jesus, Connie, what did you do?
What do you think you're doin'?!
These shoes are itchy.
You don't understand! The octopus is supposed to live in a <u>lake</u>!
This is kind of a stream--
Wow.
And who may you be?
Edward Wood, Sir.
Ah. The director of "Glen Or Glenda."
H-how'd you know?!
Hey Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1970? How'd you know it wouldn't be 1975, or even 1980?
I guessed.
I don't understand.
There's no such thing as a psychic. People believe my folderol because I wear a turban and a black tuxedo.
It's that easy?
Bravo! Bravo! Magnifico!
Cris, you made it. Thanks a lot.
Incidentally, you <u>promise</u> you're not going to scratch my car...?
Edward, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Excuse me. Doctor? I'm with Mr. Lugosi. How is he?
Well... there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man. Apparently, he was addicted to morphine, tried to kick it, and got re-addicted to methadone.
Will he be okay?
We thought Mr. Lugosi was insured though the Screen Actors Guild.
Isn't he?
No. They say his eligibility ran out years ago.
Dolores, give me your shoes.
What?
Honey, what if I'm wrong? What if I just don't have it?
Ed, it was only one review.
Orson Welles was 26 when he made "Citizen Kane." I'm already 30!
Ed, you're still young. This is the part of your life when you're <u>supposed</u> to be struggling.
Eddie, I don't understand. Why are <u>you</u> the most qualified director for the Christine Jorgensen Story?
Sweetie, you won't believe it! I've got the most incredible news!
You got the job?!!
Huh?! Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something <u>better</u> happened!
Better than not getting a job?
Yeah! I met a movie star! Somebody <u>really big</u>!
Who? Robert Taylor?!
No! A horror movie star!
Boris Karloff!?
Close! The <u>other</u> one!
You met Basil Rathbone!
Oh, the hell with you. I met BELA LUGOSI!
No! He's very alive. Well... sort of. He's old, and frail -- but he's still Bela Lugosi! And he's really nice.
Boy, I can't even remember the last time he was in a picture.
It's a shame. He's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.
Ed, I'm so proud! I'll read it as soon as I get home.
How long have you been doing this?
Since I was a kid. My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing. It just kinda became a habit.
Jesus Christ! And you never told me?
This is my way of telling you --
And what about this so-called "Barbara" character? It's obviously ME! I'm so embarrassed! This is <u>our</u> <u>life</u>!
Of course it is. And that's why you should play the part.
It's a damn good role.
<u>That's not the issue</u>!! Ugh! How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?!
It takes me comfortable.
How can you just walk around like that, in front of all these people?
Hon', nobody's bothered but you. Look around -- they couldn't care less.
Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with WEIRDOS!
Ed, who is Daniel Davis?
From today on, our lives are different! We'll be swimming laps in the same pool Jean Harlow did.
I don't know. It's so much money...
Who cares?! We're on a ROLL! These are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.
But Ed, we're not even married. And you don't have a job.
Look on the bright side. If we miss the rent, what's the worst they can do?
Toss us out on our ass.
I'm no good.
Ed, it's just one man's opinion!
Bela needs a job... I can't even get a film going... But <u>of course</u> I can't -- I made the worst movie of all time.
All I wanna do is tell stories. The things I find interesting...
Ed, the landlord called again. He wants his money.
Tell him "Bride" is in pre- production.
Ed, the landlord doesn't care.
That's the problem! <u>Nobody</u> cares about my movie! I'm tryin' so hard, I don't know what else to do!
Don't get angry at me. Maybe you just need a day job.
Dolores, don't you understand? I'm a director now! I made "Glen Or Glenda." Directing <u>is</u> my day job.
It was the only way I could get the movie made!
Who do you think's been paying the rent?! Who helped type your script, and did all your grunt work?!
I'm sorry! What did you want me to say?
I wanted you to say, "No! I wrote the part for my girlfriend Dolores."
But there's plenty of other parts.
Like <u>what</u>?!
Goddamn landlord.
I told you this was gonna happen.
Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money.
That's moronic. Why would a bit player impress a backer?
Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry? I blew it! I thought she was rich.
That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend.
You're a fuckin' mess.
So WHAT?? Look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.
I'm going to my mother's.
Honey, you made it! I wasn't sure you got my message.
Of course I'm here. Today is the file clerk's big scene.
That's right...
That's Tony McCoy. He's playing Lieutenant Dick Craig.
Oh really? How much money did he put up?
None. But his dad gave me fifty grand.
Wood Productions. The mark of quality.
Eddie, what's <u>my</u> motivation?
Oh. Er... well you're the file clerk. You're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into Janet.
But what's our relationship? Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Dolores, wait!
Ed, it's over. I need a normal life.
I'm tired of living on the fringe.
But you used to say --
Pleased to meet you. I'm Loretta King.
I understand you just moved here?
So my associate Mr. Marco tells me you may be interested in investing in a motion picture.
Perhaps a small amount of money. How much do one of your motion pictures cost?
For this one, we need $60,000.
Perhaps you'd like to look at the photoplay.
Oh my, this is very interesting. Say... do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?
Oh, of course!! There's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: The secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!
Eddie, which dress do you like better?
Sorry to bother you while we're shooting, but the guy who owns the stage needs his money.
Well then you should pay him, shouldn't you?
I kinda need it now.
What are you looking at me like that for? I already gave you my three hundred.
Yeah. Well I need the other sixty-thousand.
What other sixty-thousand?
The other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.
Hey big shot, get off your ass. They need a potted palm over in the Carl Laemmle Building.
He's a <u>bum</u>.
No he's not! Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years? "Dracula"! "The Raven"! "The Black Cat"!
Yeah? Well now he's a junkie. He don't deserve to work.
That's not true --
He's so great, <u>you</u> hire him.
Mr. Ward, it's a delight to meet you.
It's Wood. Ed Wood.
So what are you bringing me? Looks like you got some film cans.
Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have resumes to show. I've got my own movie.
Really?! Well good for you.
I just made this picture, over at Screen Classics. It opens next week.
Screen Classics? Hmm, don't know them.
Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm givin' you first crack at my talents.
Well, Mr. Feldman, I don't believe in thinking small. So I've got a whole slate of pictures for you: "The Vampire's Tomb," "The Ghoul Goes West"... and "Doctor Acula"!
Doctor Acula? I don't get it.
Oh, "Dr. Acula." I get it. I don't like it.
But Bela Lugosi's in it!
Well... I've got another project I wasn't gonna tell you about. Lugosi's in it, but he's got a smaller part. The lead is an ingenue, a sterling young actress named Dolores Fuller. The title is "Bride Of The Atom."
Mr. Wood?!
Hruphh...?
Yeah...?
Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent check.
Hmm, so you're in the picture business?
You could say that --
<u>I'm</u> interested in the picture business. My associates and I wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films, on the Apostles. But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.
Raising money is tough.
Okay -- you know what you do? You produce a film in a commercially proven genre. And after it's a hit, you take the profits from <u>that</u>, and make the twelve Apostles' movies.
Would that work?
"Graverobbers From Outer Space"! It's <u>money in the bank</u>.
Graverobbers from <u>what</u>??
I don't know... this is all a lot to absorb.
It's a guaranteed blockbuster!
Um, I understand that this science friction is popular -- but don't the big hits always have big stars?
Yeah, well we've GOT a big star! Bela Lugosi!!
Yes, but I've got the last footage he ever shot!
Just, it doesn't look like very much.
What'd you give him all the lines for?? He's unintelligible!
And PERFECT. CUT!
"Perfect"? Mr. Wood, do you know <u>anything</u> about the art of film production?!
I like to think so.
That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony!
People won't notice. Filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.
Mr. Reynolds!
Yes?
Glad you could fit me in your schedule.
Could we moovf to table?
So, Mr. Johnson --
Tor!
Tor. Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?
Mm, not good-lookink enough.
I think you're quite handsome.
Well, I think you'd be a sensation in pictures.
But what bout accent? Some people tink I haf too much accent.
So anyway, I've got this new script, "Bride Of The Atom," and there's a part you're ideal for: "Lobo." He's tough. A brute. But he has a heart -- and at the end he saves the girl.
I like. When do movie shoot?
Edvard! I haf question 'bout script. My vife Greta, she read. And she no like.
Really? Was the third act too intense?
No. She tink Lobo is waste of my time. Lobo don't talk.
But Tor, it's a starring part! You're second billed.
Tor, dialogue is overrated. You look at the classic film actors, who are they? Fairbanks. Chaplin. They didn't talk! They did it all with their face.
Here's the scene. Loretta, you're in a trance. You glide in and get on the operating table. Now Tor, you're supposed to tie her down. But you have an angora fetish... and when you rub that swatch of angora, it makes you refuse so Bela has to discipline you.
Hey! You're not eatink.
Uh, I don't have much of an appetite lately.
I'd be happy too, if I had such a great family.
Tor, I should be getting home.
My friend, you tink Greta is first woman I ever see? No! Many duds, before I find her.
But I thought me and Dolores had something.
My eyes are killink me.
What is happening?
Excuse me, Sir...?
Yes?
Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan... and I just wanted to meet you.
My pleasure. I'm Orson Welles.
Oh. Um, I'm Ed Wood! So, what are you working on now?
I can't believe it. These sound like <u>my</u> problems!
It's the damn money men. You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods. And then they all think <u>they're</u> a director...
Ain't that the truth! I've even bad producers recut my movies --
Ugh, I hate when that happens.
And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even <u>matter</u> if they're right for the part!
Mr. Welles, is it all worth it?
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm Ed Wood. I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
Yeah, well a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn "Variety" printed the story before I had the rights, and now that bitch is asking for the sky.
So you're not gonna make the movie?
Is there a script?
It opens in nine weeks in Tulsa.
Well, Mr. Weiss, I'm your guy. I work fast, and I'm a deal: I write AND direct. And I'm good. I just did a play in Hollywood, and Victor Crowley praised its realism.
Well, Mr. Weiss, I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you... but I really want this job. I like to dress in women's clothing.
Are you a fruit?
No, no, not at all! I <u>love</u> women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
So you're not a fruit?
Nah, I'm all man. I even fought in WW2. 'Course, I <u>was</u> wearing ladies' undergarments under my uniform.
You gotta be kiddin' me.
And this is why you think you're the most qualified to make my movie?
Mr. Weiss, I was thinkin' about what you said, about how all your movies have to make a profit. And I realized, what's the one thing, that if you put in a movie, it'll be successful??
Tits.
Eddie, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures. I make crap.
Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!
Yeah. Crap with a star.
No! It would be something better! Something <u>impressive</u>. The biggest moneymaker you've ever had!
What if I told you you could have a star for $1000??
Lugosi?
Yeah! <u>Lugosi</u>!
Isn't he dead?
No, he's not dead! He lives in Baldwin Hills. I met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.
OUR picture?
Why would Lugosi want to be in a sex-change flick?
I thought this was gonna be a sex- change film!
There's still a sex-change --
Yeah! Five pages right before it ends! The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.
I don't think he's a schmuck.
And what's with this new title?! My poster says "I CHANGED MY SEX"!
Ed! What's with these revised pages?! A scene in a smelting factory? A buffalo stampede?? <u>Three-hundred soldiers storming Anzio</u> <u>Beach</u>??! What's going on here? I can't afford to film this nonsense!
Don't worry. We're not gonna film any of it.
<u>Then how's it gonna get in the</u> <u>picture</u>?!
I think it's fifty-seven minutes long.
Yeah? Whatever. So did you like it?
Ed, what was the one thing I asked you to do? Make it <u>seven reels long</u>. I've got contracts with my exhibitors. If it ain't over an hour, they won't play it.
Gee, I used every frame of film we shot. Maybe they won't notice.
They'll notice. Look, why don't you let me take over from here? I can do a few tricks: Pad it out with more stock footage, add establishing shots...
Um, I guess --
Good. And one more thing. I think your "Written, Directed, and Starring Ed Wood" credit is a bad idea.
Why?! I did all those things! Hell, I even built the props.
But I'm proud. I wrote, directed, and starred in it just like Orson Welles in "Citizen Kane"!
Georgie, what's with the stag footage?? You said you were cutting in <u>establishing shots</u>!
"Where's the ads"?! The ads are in Alabama, Indiana, and Missouri! You schmuck, it ain't gonna play L.A.!
Why not??
Because I can't sell it to save my life! You made a goddamn feathered fish. Is it an art film, a horror show, a hygiene flick? Nobody knows! I'm beggin' people to book it.
Maybe it needs special handling.
Screw you, Wood! I even sunk more money into different titles: "Transvestite" "He Or She?" "I Led Two Lives"... It DOESN'T MATTER! Nobody wants to see the piece of shit.
You can't talk that way about my movie.
Hello.
Hello. You're sleeping in a tuxedo.
I got married last night.
Oh. Congratulations.
The marriage already ended.
What are you making?
Booties for my father. He gets cold in this hospital.
How long's he been here?
Oh, it's you again.
Oh, hi.
You look beat.
I am. How's your father?
He's better. Thank you for asking. How's your friend?
Oh, flowers! I didn't know you were so traditional.
I just picked them up on the way over...
So have you always lived in L.A.?
No. I'm from back east. You know, All-American small town... everybody knew everybody, I was a Boy Scout, my dad worked for the post office...
Did you find it boring?
Oh. I loved those shows! "Inner Sanctum"... "The Shadow" --
You're not gonna believe the first picture I ever saw. Your friend's.
What do you mean?
That <u>is</u> incredible! You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week after seeing that movie.
I had to sleep with the lights on for a month. But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that.
Kathy, I'm about to tell you something I've never told any girl on a first date. But I think it's important that you know. I like to wear women's clothes.
Huh?
Does this mean you don't like sex with girls?
No! I love sex with girls.
Oh. Okay.
Stop!
Ed, this spaghetti sauce is delicious.
What was that?
I'd seen him in a coffin so many times, I expected him to jump out...
Ed, you've got to snap out of this. Bela's dead -- <u>you're not</u>!
I might as well be. I made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see. I blew it. All he wanted was a comeback... that last glory...
Well you tried --
You know, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better!
Do you want your buttons on the left or the right?
The left. It's more natural. Hey, I've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb. What would that be made of?
Uh, atomic energy?
No. They're beyond that! They're smarter than the humans. What's <u>more</u> advanced?
Dynamite --
No, BIGGER! What's the biggest energy??
The sun.
Those assholes.
The poor girl's out of a job.
You should feel lucky. Ed's the only guy in town who doesn't pass judgment on people.
Look, it's Dr. Tom. Hey, Dr. Tom!
Who's Dr. Tom?
I can't get it to go up.
Ed, you're gonna miss your own premiere.
Ed, I'm so happy for you.
Let's get married.
Huh?!
<u>Right now</u>. Let's drive to Vegas!
But it's pouring. And the car top is stuck!
Excuse me, Miss Vampira?
Yes?
I don't understand. Do you want my autograph?
No. I think my film is perfect for you.
You want me to show it on my TV program? Well I got nothing to do with that. You should call up the station manager at Channel Seven --
Uh, look, I'm with some friends, and we're about to eat --
Please! It'll only take a minute. You can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers! There's a really nice dentist from Oxnard...
No, don't worry, I moved on. I was just calling to see if you want to attend the world premiere of my new film, "Bride Of The Monster."
Didn't you just make one called "Bride Of The Atom"?
I'm really sorry...
It's terrible. People won't even return my calls. It's like I don't exist.
I know what <u>that's</u> like. Anyway, I brought a copy of the script. You would play the "Ghoul's Wife."
Look... would it be possible to make the "Ghoul's Wife" a little less prominent, so people won't really notice me in the movie?
You don't wanna be noticed?
<u>It's uncanny</u>.
What's uncanny?
Hell, I've seen a lot worse reviews. I've seen ones where they didn't even like the costumes! Like, that last "Francis the Mule" picture -- it got <u>terrible</u> notices. But it was a huge hit.
Lines around the block.
The set doesn't look right! It looks too... empty. Clutter it up. Put a skeleton in the corner. And what's that thing over there?
I don't know.
Just like I always promised. Now you're among the immortals. You're movie stars.
Uh, yoo-hoo. Excuse me! Sorry to interrupt, but I got some big news.
Yeah...?
Wow, this lab looks great. Except why is there a stove and refrigerator?
We couldn't afford any more props. If it seems weird, maybe you can add a scene where they eat dinner.
Ed, you said you were getting permission.
You're sure this is gonna work?
Yes!
You're <u>sure</u>???
Hey. This is looking good! Paul, where's the octopus motor?
What octopus motor?
You know, to make the legs move --
Norma, this is Bela -- Bela, this is Norma. Norma, this is Tor -- Tor, this is Norma. Norma, this is Paul Paul, this is Norma.
Ed, I got the Lugosi lookalikes outside.
Too tall... too short... And this guy doesn't work at all.
Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela played "Fu Manchu."
...Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?
What are you talking about?! It's the premise of the movie. It's even the title, for Christ's sake!
Isn't it wonderful? Bela lives!
Doesn't this strike you as a bit morbid?
This is our choir director. He's gonna play the young hero.
Are you IN5ANE? <u>I'm</u> the director! <u>I</u> make the casting decisions around here!
I thought this was a group effort.
Mr. Wood? <u>What do you think you're</u> <u>doing</u>?!
B-but it's our money --
Why... yes.
Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?
I suppose. It's very expensive.
It's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the Himalayas.
What are you, an angora wholesaler?
No, I work in pictures. I'm a director-actor-writer-producer.
Ah, c'mon! Nobody does all that.
Two people do. Orson Welles and me.
Wow.
My goodness, you're embarrassing me.
Eddie, I'm just a small-town girl. I've never done this before.
What the heck is THIS?!!
Please, be compassionate. I'm your husband!
Vampira! Hi, this is Ed Wood.
Who?
Ed Wood! You came to my party. I directed "Bride Of The Atom"!
Well, I was wondering if maybe sometime you'd like to go out, and maybe grab some dinner.
You mean like a date? I thought you were a fag.
ME?! No, uh, I'm just a transvestite.
Isn't that the same thing?
No, no! I like girls. So how 'bout Friday?
No. The bathroom is off limits -and when I go to sleep they go to other programming. Unless I get up. Then they go back on the air. Unless I get up to go to the bathroom, I guess, then -
What if--you're vomiting?
What if I'm vomiting?
Do they show it?
I'11 have to pass, Al. And it's not an age thing --
No! Do they show you having sex?
No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away.
At what point?
Yeah. I brought you some movies.
No, I intentionally picked out a lot of crap 'cause I don't like you.
Is Mom here? I gotta talk to her.
She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her, but I'd die. You had a busy night last night.
What do you love her or something?
Come on...
Whatever happened to Norman Rockwell?
Who?
Norman Rockwell. He painted magazine covers. Folksy. A mailman, a boy scout, a kid visiting a doctor...
Yeah, so... ?
They celebrated the common person.
Well, I don't think you can get more common than me, Al.
Jeanette, you're hurting me.
Have I ever said a bad word to you about your father?
No.
How's your mother?
Al!
Our neighbors gave me a ride.
Al!!
You thought it was me?
Yes!
It's your father. Hank. Your mother went to see him and he had a heart attack.
Are things gonna be okay with you and Mom? Is there anything I can --
I'm moving out.
What?!
I'm going to be living with my brother. He's not in such good shape as I am, but... I'm looking forward to the pillow fights.
Oh, Al ... This is just...
Did you see that?
What?
Her. That look. She likes the Ed guy better than she likes the brother.
You're nuts.
I'11 tell you something else. The old guy in the wheelchair? The stepfather? They're gonna have him die.
What do you mean "they're gonna have him die?"
You know, for a tearjerker. The audience falls in love with this loveable old geezer in a wheelchair and then he dies, it's ... They know what they're doing.
This is real, Bananahead!
So?
You think she really likes him?
She doesn't give a shit about him.
You know what would be great?
What?
Yeah only I wish they had the sister on more.
Ooh, the sister! She is hot.
What did you study?
Ed, can I see you a second.
Excuse me.
Okay, so you understand? We're installing a permanent camera in your bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, plus, of course, there'll always be a couple of steady-cams following you.
Cool.
That has my work number, my home number, my pager number. I sleep three hours a night. Call me whenever you want to talk. Off the air, on the air, whenever. Okay?
Now look. Don't freeze up on me. I picked you because you had kind of a relaxed, go-with-the-flow quality. You're not going to lose that, are you?
No, uh...
I bet my career on you. You'd better be good.
Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that.
Yes, Ed.
Could we just talk alone for a second? I --
How you doing, Ed?
I feel like when I was a kid and my mother sent me to school in orange corduroy pants.
Uh-huh?
Yeah?
Can I give you one bit of advice? About Shari?
Sure.
They tore her dress! ...
We're going to get you a bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I have some news for you. We're picking up Ed TV for another month!
Yeah?!
That means a balloon payment and a big raise for the second month.
Yeah.
You asked me if I had a dream. I said "Sure, I have a dream. I just don't know what it is yet."
Great line.
What if Shari's the dream?
Ed, do you want my advice?
Yeah, that's why I called. I mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me where she moved --
Leave her be.
You said a woman likes to be pursued.
Ed, everything goes off. "Cheers" went off. "Mash" went off --
Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again!
Ed --
You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say - "Leave her be, see other people for a while." You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show.
Ed --
No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me.
I don't think so.
He's who we want to go with.
This guy.
I polled my staff. The men say they'd hang around with him and the women say he's fuckable. And one of the men said he's fuckable.
Take him off the air.
What are you talking about? He's fine. He's out of the hospital already. The ratings are higher than ever.
With all due respect, Cynthia you're nuts. I'm giving him another month!
Isn't this getting kind of pathetic. I mean we drank the juice, now we're just licking peel. Let it go!
Where are you going?
Mr. Pekurny.
Yes?
I'm Dr. Geller. Your mother is just lying down for a few minutes. we gave her something to calm her down.
Thank you. Can I see her?
Just wait here. She's coming right back out.
Mm... Oh, man...

What about him -- did he suffer any or was it quick? I'd hate to think he...
Very quick. Between you and me, it's not a bad way to go. Making love to your wife... it's very sweet.
Really? They were..
According to your mother. When the paramedics got to the hotel, she told them that --
Hotel? What were they doing in a hotel?
I thought -- I thought he was dead.
Who?
Al!
What?
Look at this -- people are getting married, they're getting married...
You said that.
You know who we are?
Tell me.
We're the guys who clean up after the parade.
I'm gonna stick this right in your eye.
I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says "If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life." And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag.
So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.
Oh, that thing. Yeah. Did you hear about this?
Hey, if it's free, it's me. You ready?
Yeah. You did good. What's wrong?
Aah, I wanted Shari to come.
Yeah. Honey, if you're watching this is for you.
No! Don't -- Oh, wow.
You know about that fireman who rescued that little girl?
When? Today?
No! Like, ten years ago. In Texas. Baby... Jessica!
Oh right, right! She fell down, like a...
Yeah, a thing. He became a big hero. He was on TV and there was a parade and a movie about him
Right, right...
And then, uh... you know it blew over and he went back to being a fireman again.
Right.
So he killed himself.
Eddie? ...
Yeah?
Are the TV people with you?
Yeah. The camera guy is here.
Send him away.
Send him? Ma, I can't. it's -- just come out here. Please, I --
No.
Do you want us to come in the kitchen?
No. It's a mess.
Ma, do you know where Ray is? I've been calling him and I'm getting his machine and --
Eddie, how could you do it? Your brother's girlfriend.
Hey, he cheated on her.
He made a mistake.
I don't want to -- do you know where he is?
No. Maybe he's watching. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you'11 stay away from that girl.
I know you. This Shari is a passing fancy.
How's Marcia? She all right?
I don't know. She's living with that "entertainer"...
Well, who knows? Maybe she finally picked a winner this time.
Mm.
You and Al lived together a few months before you got married -- after Dad left.
Oh my God!
I mean, that worked out.
I can't believe you're taking his side.
I told you the facts! He abandoned us -- those are the facts.
Yes.
Yes to me or yes to the coil?
Both.
He had girlfriends!
He says --
All right -- do you want to know the truth? I took you and Marcia and Ray to my sister's on the train for the weekend and you all got chicken pox. So I took you home a day early and there was your father with a woman in our bed. Okay?
Chicken pox? I was six. He didn't leave 'til I was twelve.
He... apologized, he begged me. He can be very... charming when it suits his purpose.
But what was that whole story about him and a nurse?
She could've been a nurse.
Could've been a nurse?
She had white shoes.
So does Grandma. So does Shaquille O'Neal. You told me you had a hysterectomy and he ran off with your nurse.
What's the difference?
Oh my God. You and Al were - and that's why you threw him out.
If I don't call you "Dad" it' just because... 1 was already a big boy when you came into our lives -- or when I thought you came into our lives --
And what did he come back now for?
Who?
Hank! All of a sudden. Because now you're famous and he can get something from you. I don't wan you to become a victim like Marcia. Not that you're a victim, honey. You're not. Life's just been a little hard on you, sweetie.
Eddie...
Mom?
I'm at the hospital.
What's the matter?!
He's dead! Eddie, he's dead! It was his heart.
Oh God. What hospital?
St. Joseph's.
What happened?
It was horrible. He called me up.
Who?
Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him --
What?
The doctor said you were having sex.
To you? In front of him? With the...
Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know.
Oh my god! On TV!
Why? How...
One thing led to another. He was my husband once.
But Al is your husband now!
Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex.
Don't tell Al. He doesn't know.
Ed! How did you know I was here?
You're famous. Somebody called me. What are you doing in a place like this?
Why shouldn't I be in a place like this? I'm a whore!
Ma...
I'm a tramp Meet your new father. The whole nation is laughing at us!
And how is this helping? come on say, good-night to all your new friends and let's go home.
What's going on over there?
Right, yeah --
She really doesn't want you and the camera in here right now.
Hi, Mom.
Hi. Is Shari here?
No.
What is she, at work?
She left.
She won't.
What are you talking about?
She left. She moved. She got Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and she left. She couldn't stand it anymore. We had people, news people, regular people, just sleeping in our hallway, going through our mail, our garbage. I mean it was she couldn't take it anymore. Now I've got to move. I can't afford this place by myself.
I'm sorry. Where'd they send her?
Well, Ed, that's ... not really possible.
I can't?
Well, no. You agreed to stay on the air as long as we asked you to. The station entered into this on that understanding. If you had refused we'd have begun this with somebody else. You can't just change the rules in the middle of the game, son. It's not fair to us. More importantly, it's not fair to the viewers. They're interested in
Look, if you don't let me out of this... I'11 just... I'11 just sit in my apartment all day. I won't go anywhere, I won't do anything. What kind of show will that be?
Not too good. That's why it states in your contract that if you do not continue to live a normal life, you're in violation and are liable for the station's financial losses. Ed, I urge you to reconsider. I urge you on behalf of all those people out there whose lives have become so entwined with yours. Play fair with them, Ed.
No! I barely even mentioned -it's just that, my friends, the people at work, whoever I'm regularly in contact with they want releases from.
They're gonna mock our foibles.
Our what?
What are you doing?
Oh! Oh -- okay, now I get it. It's "Star Search." You wanted me here because the camera comes with me.
Ed, he needs a break. You don't know what kind of bad luck he's had --
Are you asking me?
What does this mean?
It means they hate his freaking guts. It means if he were on fire they wouldn't put him out.
How much less?
Never would be plenty.
Um, yeah, I was gonna ...
What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision -
Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry.
Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me?
I batted!
You batted or you bunted?
Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday.
Well, then I'm quitting.
Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called "Get your shit together before it's too late."
Hey, Lou.
Yeah...
I hear the dog really liked him.
Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, and he strung me along for three years and dumped me.
Are you sure about this?
Hey, believe me -1 know I've got a great chance of making a fool of myself, here.
Why do it?
I saw this show once. It was about logging. I was home sick, there was nothing else on. Do you know how they break up really bad log jams? You know, when they're really tangled... ?
Cream rinse?
Dynamite.
So?
So maybe this is my dynamite.
You do though, you look great.
Right.
What do you want?!
Don't defend that horse's ass to me.
I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something --
Ha!
Okay ...
I've got news for you-- I never intended to marry him.
I mean bad.
Really?
Oh my God.
It's... okay
I kissed my boyfriend's brother on television!
Well, when you put it that way.
Leave. Go.
Can't we just --
Go!
Really?
Yeah. I mean for months I've been seeing you with Ray you being his girlfriend and I kept wishing you were my girlfriend... But, you know, what could I do?
Me too. I mean I'm going out with Ray and I'm... thinking about you.
Really?
Oh God, this is so weird.
What are you doing?
You know, I never saw you in your uniform before.
It's really a tremendous turnoff.
You should see the one we wear when it rains.
Sunday night at the Devils game, I'm driving the Zamboni.
The what?
You know, the big machine that cleans the ice.
Oh yeah.
Oh -- Sunday is good for me to meet your folks. We get a big family audience on Sundays so it works out.
That's lucky.
I wish my stepfather was here.
Why?
Um...
I told you. If we... you know do it, they go away until ... we're done.
I know, but even if they go away, everybody in America knows what we're doing because... they went away.
So? What do they think -- we're not kids --
I know, I ...
Shari, I really like you...
I really like you too...
...if this ... ... weren't here... ?
... yeah, then, but...
So...?
I have no privacy. Even now! I'm crying and I can't stop and they won't go away. And now it's going to be another month!
Shari...
Everybody hates me!
No. Who?
Page three of the Post.
Ohh...
A poll. "Is Shari Good Enough for Ed?" Seventy-one per cent said "no." They hate me!
Who cares? I don't ca -- No. I do care. Shame on everybody. Shame on you! Well, just the seventy-one percent. The other...
Twenty-nine.
Exactly. Boy, you're smart. Why are you so mean to her? What did she do to you? "Is she good enough for Ed?" Who the hell am I? Who the hell do you think I should be dating?
There's a list.
Really?
I tried to tell you over the phone -- my parents went to Atlantic City.
So?
So my little brother's staying here. I'm sleeping with Rita.
Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with Rita? We'11 all have a good time.
I'm sorry.
Come on, let's go.
Where?
I feel like a criminal or, like we're cheating on someone.
Just... just relax. Okay? We won't do anything. We'11 just sit here for a while.
Okay.
I need to talk.
Are you all right?
She lied to me. I mean all my life, she's telling me one story and then... it turns out to be a completely different story. Come to me at some point -- tell me the truth. No. Not in my house. The truth is a stranger. And this is why Ray and Marcia are the way they are. Marcia gets involved with all these
Yeah... I saw that girl come on to you at the TV show.
Oh that was... no, I ... she just kind of trapped me into giving her a ride. It's you. I want you.
It's not their fault.
What do you want me to do? You want me to quit the show?!
No... Could you?
No. If I quit I don't get the balloon payment.
The what?
Ray borrowed this whole tub of money against this balloon payment that I don't get if I qu -- it's too complicated. I -- Besides...
You see how people look at me. Like when they ask for my autograph or say "Hi" to me... It's like I'm a basketball player or a... you know, like I'm someone.
Everybody's someone.
This is going right up your ass.
Kinda'.
You weren't able to make me feel safe or secure -- no easy job for any man, I admit -- and my problem is, if I think I'm losing, I pull myself out of the game. I bail. See? I told you, I'm the love coroner.
What did you do to your hair?
My truck overheated, so I opened the hood and my hair got caught in the fan belt. So I had to get a haircut.
Let's have a contest. Now this would mostly be open to professional investigators and detectives. But anyone can join in.
What do we have to do?
But facts! They have to be verified. Anything from their past, their present, business, personal -- arrests, affairs ... And whoever comes up with the sleaziest, most degrading material -- I'11 give you ten thousand dollars. And you get to be on Ed TV. Hah?
What's up?
Where were you?
What do you mean all of a sudden? You've been going with her six months.
You know, that would be like a great thing.
What?
That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch.
What are you drunk?
Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business.
What is?!
Show business.
You're in show business?
Yeah. I service video equipment.
That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA.
I'm not stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter!
Thumbsucker!
I'm making a tape.
I got your message. Way to go!
I ... I'm not gonna do it.
What?
Look -- there's a million ways to humiliate yourself - I gotta think of a new way? I mean, it's all day! Every minute. Id be like a monkey at the zoo. I just...
You would do this? You would actually --
In a second! In a hot second. Let me ask you something --
Why do you do that?
What?
Whenever you ask me something why do you always say "Let me ask you something?" Why don't you just ask me?
All right. Let me ask you something... are you happy like this?
I'm doing all right.
You're gonna be a video store clerk for the rest of your life? This is your big ambition, rearranging the "Ernest" movies?
Screw off.
How many opportunities are you going to get in your life?
I don't know.
That's right. You don't know. Doors don't fly open for guys like us.
Hey. You know-- we're not the same. I got a good life, this job suits me. I come and go when I please --
All right.
Yeah?!
Polish acrobat.
Okay, I just wanted to get your attention. My name is Ray and my friend Bucky and I design video systems. You've got an office or a big home, we'11 come out there design you an entire system.
Hey, Ed. Did you hear about Marcia?
No. What happened?
Ray, maybe this isn't ...
No, this is great. You'll love this. He's a singer.
Marcia's living with a singer?
I mean my question is what was she doing in a bar in the first place?
Ray --
She's an alcoholic, for Christ's sake.
Remember the last guy she got involved with? What was his name?
What's the dif --
Richie! She spent six months dating a criminal
She didn't know he was a criminal. They had a relationship. They --
What are you, hiding from the Police? Show your face, you look great. Doesn't she look great.
Great.
Who is it?
Hi.
You watching the ballgame?
Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired. I fell asleep.
Oh. All right. I'11 watch at home, then.
Hello... Shari, hi... Oh no! ... Oh God!
What is this? What's going on, who is that?
It's the receptionist at one of the places I service video equipment -- she's very pretty and, you know, she never even talks to me and then today I come in and she's all "I saw you on TV the other night... You were so great ... " Next thing I know we're ...
Next thing you know! Why didn't you stop?
I don't even know her. All I know is she likes Snapple.
Why me?
You brought the cameras here!
You brought the girl!
Please!
... Ray?
Yeah.
Oh, man, I've been trying to call you.
I know.
Look, we gotta talk.
What are we gonna fight? Ray, please, listen to me --
Good-bye, brother!
Cliff left her, thanks to you.
Me?!
That's right. You put Cliff on television. So then he decided he was too good for her and he left.
Come on, Ma.
Let's remember how I got into this. "Please, Eddie, do this for me. I can't get a break."
You know what your problem is?
Yeah. My problem is I've got a brother who writes a sentence like "We grew up in a small, little bedroom." As opposed to a big, little bedroom?
I got paid by the word! No! Your problem is you don't ever want anything to be your fault.
Me?! That's you!
And each contestant gets one of these. An "I tried to screw a network executive" tee-shirt.
Ray, where do you keep the glasses?
Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't you just say so? Why are you giving me a song-and-dance about being tired?
Hi, Shari.
Who's Shari?
Mr. Pekurny. I'm sorry to bother you. My son would just love to have your autograph.
No -- keep it.
Hello.
You don't recognize me.
Who is it?
Quite a shithole, isn't it?
It could be, if you fixed it up. How did you... ? I mean how does anyone ... wind up like this?
I was in jail.
The whole time? Eighteen years?
No. Two times.
What...
Check forging.
Oh, man! So...
The last two years, I've been a limousine driver, but I don't see well anymore, so...
So you saw me on TV and you said "Hey, let me jump on this."
All right... This is my father, I don't know what the hell he can do, but if anyone out there can help him -- get him a job - I'11 ... help you. I'11 ... mention your business or ... I don't know, we'11 figure it out. I gotta go.
Ed... I'm sorry.
Yeah? That's good. Sorry is good. You know I finished that model.
What...
-- That we were doing "together." I finished it. It came out great! Because no one was standing over my shoulder bothering me - "That's too much glue. You're using too much glue."
Do you still have it?
That girl's an idiot.
Hi.
I'm Jill. I really like your show. I think you're great.
Oh, yeah, I love those. Yeah... those are funny...
Um... They gave me a limo, uh...
Oh!!
We have to stop meeting like this.
Are you busy tomorrow night?
No.
Why don't you come over. And I'11 make dinner. And you bring a movie. And ... We'11 make a night of it ... okay?
Can I help with anything?
No. It's going to be about a half-hour.
Mm.
Good?
Ohhh...
Ed?
Ohh... do you own a cat?
Look, can we all just sign the releases so we can get on with this?
We don't have foibles.
Look, my life is not so great, that I want it shown on television. And neither is yours.
That's the point -- this could change things.
How?
For instance... me and my friend Bucky are buying out my boss. His equipment, trucks, client list, the whole shmear.
What does that have to do with... ?
Sign here, please.
That Ray was a pig. Ed is doll. You latch on to him honey.
By the X.
Some more make-up wouldn't do you any harm. On TV you look a little washed out.
What would I actually have to do to get you to sign this?
Oh, an TV a minute and already an attitude.
Yo --
pierdo.
Tu
pierdes.
El/ella -
A few months before the election, she'd had an affair with my best friend Dave Novotny.
Don't tell me that. I don't want to know that.
You could tell Dave was one of those guys who taught because they never wanted to leave high school in the first place, and that could get a little irritating sometimes, but basically he was a real good guy.
You did it at your house? Your own house?
Look, Jim... Okay. I know it all seems crazy, and maybe it did start out, you know, for the... for the sex and the danger. But now it's different. Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that Tracy and I are totally, totally in love.
In love?
Yeah, it's serious. I mean she inspires me in ways Sherry never has. She even wants to read my novel.
But you haven't written your novel.
That's the whole point. It's all in my head; it's right here. I just got to get it out there. Tracy wants me to write it so she can read it. It's beautiful.
You're not just jealous, are you? I mean, we both used to talk about her
That was just talk! Fantasy talk! What are you, nuts? We talk about girls all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. I would never. . . I mean, I take very seriously our strict moral code. The line you've crossed is... it's illegal and it's immoral.
I don't need a lecture on ethics, Jim, okay? I know what --
Sherry Sherry Sheerrry. ...
One night he took us editors out to celebrate after a deadline. Eventually Dave and I were left alone and we got to talking - not like teacher and student, but like two adults.
what?
Well, I notice you don't seem to have any close friends at Millard. You seem to be kind of a loner.
No, I'm not. I'm just really busy.
I know. I know its not by choice. I just mean, well, being the kind of person you are, it must be really difficult to find someone you can talk to.
What do you mean? What kind of person am I?
Tracy, I've been watching you for going on two years now, and I think you are one of the most talented, hard-working, sensitive, attractive, brilliant students -- no, human beings -- I have ever met. I mean, you're the real thing. Special.
Thank you.
It was the first time somebody ever saw the real me, the me that nobody else knows.
Thank God for Diane. She was my best friend, my source of love and strength. Oh sure, we'd had our share of bumpy times, but we'd always seen them through. After nine years of marriage, we were closer than ever. And the secret? Good communication.
Anything wrong?
Around that time Diane and I were hanging out a lot at Sherry Novotny's house, giving her our love and support and helping her make it through a difficult time.
Jim, don't. You're scaring him.
You gonna do it? You gonna do it?
Yeah, uh, just a minute
Come on, doit. Doit. Fill me up. Come on, fill me up
Yeah, just --
How'd it go?
Fine. You know. We just went to Crossroads.
Yeah. No. I mean, you know.
What?
Don't you smartass me! Don't you dare smartass me! You just shut your mouth I Now your mother and I have had a long talk with Halt Hendricks --- we just got off the phone with him at home. You know, he doesn't want you back at Millard. He's fed up with you. Fed up! And I don't blame him!
Dick... Dick,..
What?
Tammy, now we've come to a decision. He just think it would be best --
Having a problem with your eye there?
All right. Well, sure nice to meet you.
What? Right. So let's start counting.
Well, I thought that... well, the way it always works is that SGA president does a count, then the SGA advisor, you know, for the two independent counts.
Fine. So do your count. Start with president, and I'll be right back.
I just want to get this over with, so we can have the assembly and go home. We don't have much time until eighth period. I have other things going on, too, you know.
Okay. Yeah. We know
What d'you got?
I'm not supposed to tell. Not until you've counted too. We're each supposed to make an independent count.
You're kidding, right?
I thought those were the rules, Mr. McAllister. If they've changed in any way --
Mr. M.?
Larry?
Yeah?
Mostly Tammy fans
See, it doesn't add up. There are only 801 ballots but 803 people voted. Two votes are missing. Check the register.
He's right. Two people must have pocketed their ballots. Usually it's more.
But, they were there I counted 803 votes.
It happens, Larry. People make mistakes.
Larry? We've got twenty-five minutes until the assembly, and we still have to do counts for VP, Treasurer and Secretary. Mr. Hendricks and I have both verified the numbers, and unless you can come up with the ballots you claim are missing -
Good morning, Mr. McAllister.
Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?
You know what they say about the early bird.
Well, good luck there, Tracy
Okay. But we're still missing something key here. What are we missing?
I know.
Tracy.
Now at the end of her junior year, Tracy was poised to win the presidency of the student body. And so far she was running unopposed.
...the rules of conduct determined by a culture at a...
I got all my signatures. One hundred and fifty-eight -- way more than I need!
Hey, that's super
Here they are.
You can put those in my box. I'll look at them tomorrow.
Could you approve them now? I'd like to kick off my campaign right away, you know, in the morning.
Looks good to me.
Aren't you supposed to keep them?
NO, that's fine
I thought you were supposed to keep them.
Thanks for everything.
I can't wait to start campaigning.
Should be easy. So far no competition.
Hell, you know, Coca-Cola's the world's number one soft drink, but they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.
You know, Mr. M., when I win the presidency, that means you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together next year. And I for one would like that time to be harmonious and productive. Wouldn't you?
Sure
Okay. That's good. I just wanted to make sure.
Fuck me, Mr. McAllister
You're the advisor. You should stop her. She's not qualified. She's just a sophomore.
Calm down, Tracy. Just calm down.
Are you sure all her signatures are real? It's not easy to get all those signatures.
These are a bunch of burn-outs. And look at this one, I can't even read this one.
Tim Kobza? Tim Kobza! Who's he? I've never heard of him!
I guess you know why you're here
If it's about the posters, I think it's so awful. It's a travesty.
A travesty. Huh. That's interesting, because I think you did it.
Mr. M., I am running on my qualifications. I would never need to resort to, you know, to vandalism like a, you know... Plus, my own best banner was torn down. Did I do that too?
Were you or were you not working in the Watchdog office over the weekend?
I was. So? Mr. Pecharda let me in. As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30.
6:30. How do you know what time the posters were torn down?
I don't. I just know they were there when I left. I'm giving you helpful information is all. You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.
Okay, Tracy, so who do you think did it? Whom should we "interrogate?"
You're a very intelligent girl, Tracy. You have many admirable qualities. But someday maybe you'll learn that being smart and always being on top and doing whatever you need to do to get ahead, and yes, stepping on people to get there, well, there's a lot more to life than that. And in the end, you're only cheating yourself.
Why are you lecturing me?
This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleague of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake. I think the lesson there is that, old and young, we ail make mistakes, and we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences. You're very
I don't know what you're referring to, but I do know that if certain older and wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten all mushy, everything would be okay.
I agree. But I also think certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful the whole school didn't find out about certain indiscretions which could have ruined their reputations, and chances to win certain elections.
Yes?
What do you mean?
I told you! I told you! You're going to pay for my banner!
Act surprised. Walk slowly to the podium. Be modest. Thank them for this incredible honor.
Hello, Mr. M.
So what brings you here?
I'm looking at new cars.
Oh. New cars. I see. Well, you came to the right place
My mother's buying me a new car for college.
Huh. Right. College. Wow. Where are you going? Where 'd you get into?
Well, I got in everywhere I applied, but Cornell is my first choice.
So, are you looking for something sporty or more practical?
Where to?
Handles pretty good, don't you think?
Yeah.
Plenty of pep, too.
Uh-huh.
And this model comes with ABS and dual air bags standard.
So Tracy?
Yes?
Why are you doing this?
Doing what?
Coming to see me. Are you trying to. . humiliate me?
Well, I... I... that's very nice of you.
What's this?
I want you to do something for me.
Swallows, unsure what heaven or hell awaits him.
Oh, is this...? God. First one of these I haven't been in for a long time.
What a surprise.
I'm scared, Mr. M. I kind of don't feel ready for college.
You'll be fine.
I hope so
That little bitch made a fool of us I want her out of the election. Getting everybody all riled up like that. She's finished, you hear me? Washed up.
Walt, we can't throw her out of the election just because we don't like her speech. That's not what student government's about.
Jim, where the hell have you been?
Nowhere. I don't have class until second period.
Well, that speech she gave -- it was pretty, you know, pretty out there. But we'll get to the bottom of it. Don't you worry. Mr. McAllister is going to see to that. Right, Jim?
Life would go on, and I would certainly be a stronger and wiser person from the experience.
Uh, Jim?
Hmm?
Walt needs to see you.
Walt will be speaking with you about this, but I need you to find someone to take over my classes. The lesson plans for the rest of the year are in my top right drawer.
Okay, Jim. I understand.
You wanted to see me, Mr. M.?
Just wait outside. Tammy.
Okay. But is this about the posters?
Possibly. Please just wait outside.
So... what do you have to tell me?
Well, this is hard for me, but I think it's important to be honest. Don't you?
What is it. Tammy?
I'm the one. I did it. I tore down Paul's posters.
Looks at her skeptically doesn't say a word.
I did it.
And when did you do it?
This weekend.
Exactly when?
I don't know. Yesterday. Sunday.
And how did you get in the school?
Door was open.
Which door?
I don't know. All I know is I did it I
I don't believe you.
After Dave got fired, Sherry kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce.
Could you get this? I can't
Without Dave around. Sherry needed a lot of help around the house.
Here?
More this way.
I can't afford this stuff right now.
Oh, come on. You've had a hard year, you're cooped up with the kid all the time. Let go; live a little.
So what do you think? Should we get a room?
Should we get a what?
points at the motel.
Shall we give it a name?
Did you know Dave's a bed wetter?
No, I... uh, didn't know that
All his life. He's tried everything.
Still clear?
Yep.
Hey Yeah?
Take me to that motel. Like you wanted.
Right now?
Easy, tiger. Come by after school. I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.
Three twenty-five.
What do you want, Jim?
You're there.
Yeah. I'm here.
Sherry... I love you.
Don't say that. You know it's not true.
It's the only true thing I know anymore.
We made a mistake. Let's not make it worse.
A mistake? That was no mistake.
I was lonely. You took advantage
Paul, I know you've been pretty down since your accident.
I wanted to play next year so bad I could taste it. And maybe go on to...
I know. I understand disappointment. I really do.
Yeah.
But you've got a big choice right now. You can choose to be depressed about it for the rest of your life. Or you can choose to see it for what it really is: an opportunity. I personally think you have a big future ahead of you, and I don't mean the fleeting glory of sports.
What do you mean?
Who, me? Nooo. I never... I don't know anything about that stuff, Mr. M. Besides, that's Tracy Flick's thing. She's always working so hard and --
Yeah, no, she's a go-getter, all right.
And she's super-nice
Yeah. But one person assured of victory kind of undermines the whole idea of a democracy, doesn't it? That's more like a... well, like a dictatorship, like we studied.
Paul, what's your favorite fruit?
Huh? Oh. Uh... pears
takes a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard.
Okay, let's say
Fine. Let's say all you ever knew was apples. Apples, apples and more apples. You might think apples were pretty good, even if you occasionally got a rotten one. Then one day there's an orange. And now you can make a decision. Do you want an apple, or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
I also like bananas.
Oh, no. No. I'm just finishing up here, and I've got to get home.
And on Halloween we could have a haunted house. But a really good haunted house, not like those cheesy bad ones. You know, more like the radio station ones. This one would be really scary. And for Homecoming -- well, you know how last year's theme was -
Paul... Paul.... We'll have plenty of time to get into all this later. A whole year, in fact. Right now I just need to finish my pie and get home.
Just one more thing. So, Mr. M., uh, do you think Tracy's going to be okay? I saw her face after the assembly, and I think she's taking it pretty hard.
253... 254... 255. I get the same as you Jim. Looks like Paul's our president.
No way I It doesn't make sense.
Sorry. My figures work out exactly the same as Jim's. 256 for Paul, 255 for Tracy.
And 290 "disregards," right?
Whoa! Easy, Fouch. I don't like where you're going.
You said I was a liar You're the liar, you're the --
What?
Where 're you going?
I'm not like you.
What...?
Are you crazy?
What?
People can see this.
So?
These are private -- these are for us.
I know.
But other people can see them too.
I don't care.
Uhhh... teeth. Teeth.
We can't both run, can we? We're brother and sister. Can we?
She's doing this to get back at me
For what?
I mean at you.
For what?
We still have some extra ones, don't we? Maybe we can just --
It was Tammy I That's who it was.
Who put you up to this?
Who put you up to this?
What do you mean?
You just woke up this morning and suddenly decided to run for president?
No. Uh... I just... you know, I just thought --
Thought what?
Well, see, I was talking to Mr. McAllister about my leg and everything... and how I still want to, you know, do something for the school and --
So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.
Well, I mean, you know, I talked to him and everything, but he just said he thought it was a good idea... and how there's all different kinds of fruit and... It's nothing against you, Tracy. You're the best. I just thought --
Way to go, Tracy! Isn't this exciting?
Yeah.
Hell, good luck!
Good luck to you too, Paul.
Paul, I just want you to know that no matter how this turns out, you've run a wonderful campaign. It's been fun competing with you.
Yeah, you too, Tracy. I'm just glad it's over.
Yeah.
Paul, will you sign my yearbook?
Can I sign yours too?
Yes, Paul?
Have a great summer. And good luck at college.
Hey, Tammy, guess what happened today.
Don't you fucking knock?
Yeah. So guess what happened. So Mr. McAllister, he -- Oh hi. Lisa.
Paul, get out!
You dumbshit!
What'd I do?
What do you want?
I just thought, well, last time you got suspended you fell so behind and -
Now could you leave me alone?
Yeah. Oh, one more thing. Tammy. You know, all this election stuff. 'Cause, you know, everyone is saying it's so weird that you're running against me, and, well, it is kind of weird, and you haven't really told me why you're doing it and didn't tell me in advance or anything. But that's okay, you know. l respect your privacy. I just want you
Sure, Paul. No hard feelings.
How's the left these days?
What's it to you?
I saw you fight Kid Gavilan. I like your style.
What do you want, Mr. Policeman?
You got a brother up in Folsom. I know because I put him there.
Till 19-fucking-70.
We're looking for three colored guys who like to pop off shotguns. One of 'em owns a purple Merc coupe.
You wanna get me a fuckin' snitch jacket?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas yourself, <u>Officer</u>.
That obvious, huh?
Somebody hit you?
Can I get you a drink?
I was friendly with Sue Lefferts, but we weren't really friends. You know what I mean?
Are you sorry she's dead?
Have you ever heard of Dick Stensland?
No I haven't. Do you know why Pierce is humoring you?
You use words like that, you might make me mad.
Yes. But do you know?
Yeah I know. Patchett's running whores and judging by his address, probably something bigger on the side. He doesn't want any attention.
That's right. Our motives are selfish, so we're cooperating.
Why was Susan Lefferts at the Nite Owl?
I don't know. I never heard of the Nite Owl till today.
Did Lefferts have a boyfriend?
Like I said we were friendly, not friends.
How'd she meet Patchett?
Pierce meets people. Sue came on the bus with dreams of Hollywood. This is how they turned out. Thanks to Pierce, we still get to act a little.
Tell me about Patchett.
He's waiting for you to mention mention.
You want some advice, Miss Bracken?
It's Lynn.
I remember you from Christmas Eve. You have a thing for helping women, don't you, Officer White?
Maybe I'm just fucking curious.
You say 'fuck' a lot.
You fuck for money.
There's blood on your shirt. Is that an integral part of your job?
Yeah.
Do you enjoy it?
When they deserve it.
Did they deserve it today?
I'm not sure.
But you did it anyway.
Yeah, just like the half dozen guys you screwed today.
Actually, it was two. You're different, Officer White. You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.
You look better than Veronica Lake. Now, <u>Pierce Patchett</u>.
He takes a cut of our earnings and invests it for us. He makes us quit the life at thirty. He doesn't let us use narcotics and he doesn't abuse us. Can your policeman's mentality grasp those contradictions?
He had you cut to look like Veronica Lake?
Look. I want to see you again.
Are you asking me for a date or an appointment?
I don't know.
If it's a date I think you'd better tell me your first name because I --
I wondered when you might ring the bell again, Officer White.
It doesn't matter. All they get is Veronica Lake. You got the real Lynn Margaret Bracken... Where'd this come from?
When I was ten, my old man threw a bottle at my mother. I guess I got in the way.
So you saved her.
Do you like being a cop, Bud?
You found Patchett. You found me. You're smart enough. Be a detective if that's what you want.
Did you talk to Exley?
I want to know about Exley.
He's the opposite of you. He's more like me. Cold, calculating.
Come in out of the rain, Bud.
You gonna tell me what happened with you and Exley?
We talked.
So tell me about it.
In the morning.
Lad, may I have a word with you?
This business, Captain?
Does that paper say we've been indicted? Does it say Exley's a hero for squealing me and Stensland off?
He made his play amd he got what he wanted. They're making him a detective.
Captain, what do you want?
Call me Dudley.
Dudley, what do you want?
Lad, I admire your refusal to testify and your loyalty to your partner. I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjutant to the job. And I am most impressed with your punishment of wife beaters. Do you hate them, Wendell?
Yeah, I hate them.
What's going to happen to Stensland? He'll give himself cirrhosis over this. <u>He's one</u> <u>year from his pension</u>.
It would've happened years ago if you hadn't carried him. Why the loyalty, Wendell?
He helped me out once. That's all.
Your partner's through. Department scapegoat on the Chief's orders. He's been billed, he'll be indicted and he'll swing.
Him and me both. <u>Fucking Exley</u>.
Don't underestimate his skills. As a politician he exceeds even myself. But the department needs smart men like Exley and... direct men like yourself
<u>What do you want</u>?
Wendell, I want you to come to work for me.
They're yours. Take them.
I knew you had juice, but... There's no goddamn bill on me?
Four of the defendants recanted their testimony.
I need you for an assignment the Chief's given me the go-ahead on. A duty few men are fit for, but you were born for. You'll be working out of Homicide.
Will you work for me?
Of course... But how?
How what, Wendell?
Give me one minute.
You're perplexing to me these days, Wendell. You're not your old, cruel self anymore. I need proof that the extracurricular work I had planned for you remains within your grasp.
What work?
I've long been involved in containing hard crime in such a way that myself and a few colleagues might someday enjoy a profit dispensation. That day will soon be here and you'll share handsomely. Grand means will be in our hands, Wendell.
Imagine crime limited to the criminal element who perpetrate it. Imagine the means to keep the nigger filth sedated. But don't stop there. Extrapolate. Imagine the police in control. It's big, lad.
You lost me, Dudley. I don't know what you're talking about.
You have your extracurricular secrets, I have mine. We'll hold a clarification session soon. For now, I need your fearsome old habits at the Victory Motel. We're going to brace a man who may know who killed Jack Vincennes. Can I count on you?
You know him?
Hey, partner. Grab a cup.
Don't look so down in the mouth, Bud. You nailed him good.
Yeah, sure... I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the Victory. Want to grab a beer?
Rain check me, partner. I got something big going on tonight.
What? That new mystery girl you've been seeing?
No. I'll tell you sometime. Not now. Don't want to jinx it. But it could take the edge off that jail time I got coming.
What are you talking about?
Mrs. Lefferts, I'm Officer White with the L.A.P.D. I'd like to ask a couple of questions.
Let my daughter rest in peace.
Tell me about the boyfriend she had. The one you mentioned at the morgue.
First I want to go on record as saying that my Susie was a virgin when she died.
Susie, I told you I didn't approve of that boyfriend. He was too old for you. You let him come into this house and be fresh to me. I went out one day and old Mrs. Jensen next door saw Susan's boyfriend and another man and thought she heard a ruckus.
What was that boyfriend's name?
We were never properly introduced. Susan and I were fighting that day. She called him by a nickname. Muns or Lunts or something.
Stens? Was it Stens?
Maybe. I don't know.
That's him. That's him.
What's through here?
Don't mind the smell. I think a rat died behind the wall... My Susie was a good girl!
Easy. Tell me about the ruckus.
Was it... a rat?
Where are we going?
Yeah, that's Stens.
What happened?
One in six. Where's the girl?
A naked guy with a gun? You expect anyone to believe that?
How's it going to look on your report?
It'll look like justice. That's what that fat fuck got. <u>Justice</u>.
Why?
Lynn.
I knew Stensland and Meeks knew each other. Meeks was with Sue Lefferts on Christmas Eve. The night I met Lynn. Lefferts' mother I.D.ed Stensland as Lefferts' boyfriend, but Stens pretended he didn't know either one of them.
Stensland and Meeks. What were they up to?
Johnny Stompanato told me when Meeks disappeared, he was trying to move the 18 pounds of heroin that went missing when Deuce Perkins was shot.
<u>Stensland and Buzz Meeks</u>. Two-man triggers knocking off Mickey Cohen lieutenants. When they killed Deuce Perkins, they got heroin as a bonus.
Then something goes wrong. Meeks gets killed. Maybe Stens got greedy, killed Meeks and left him under his girlfriend's house. The night he died, Stens was all mysterious. Said he had something big going down.
The Nite Owl! Stensland was going there to sell the heroin.
Somebody got wind of it, killed them all.
It wasn't the Negroes. The Griffith Park report was a phony. And, who says the purple Merc was spotted outside the Nite Owl?
Dudley.
The first guys to the car when Jack and I got there were Bruening and Carlisle.
Dudley's guys.
They didn't find the shotguns. They planted them.
It all keeps coming back to Dudley.
Pierce Patchett figures in, too. That's the angle Jack was working. Dudley must work for Patchett.
Let's just kill them.
What?
For Jack, for Stensland, for anybody else who got in the way. I've been trying to be smart. A detective. But killing those two fuckers, that would be justice.
Stay smart, Bud. We build a case. We play by the rules.
There are no rules! Why the fuck are you doing this? The Nite Owl made you. You want to tear all that down.
Let's go see Pierce Patchett. Run a good-cop-bad-cop.
You expecting problems?
It's a suicide note. Says he killed Jack because Jack had figured out a pornography scam Patchett was running.
He had help getting up there. Two of his fingers are broken.
We had one thing figured wrong. I don't think Dudley workd for Patchett.
At least not anymore.
Patchett's dead. He sent you after me. I'd say Dudley's tying up his loose ends.
Ellis Loew.
What about him?
Bud...
They never made a match on the shotgun serial numbers. What if Breuning and Carlisle took them from the evidence room? Couple of cold pieces that had been hanging around a year or two.
You wanted to meet here?
You figured this was a set-up? And you showed up anyway?
You know, all I ever wanted was to measure up to my father.
She's fine.
Are you Pierce Patchett?
I am. Are you soliciting for police charities? The last time, you people called at my office.
I'm a homicide detective. Where were you last night?
I was here, hosting a party. Who was killed and why do you think I can help?
Richard Stensland.
I don't know him. Mr...
Officer White. How about Susan Lefferts? You know her?
You know I do or you wouldn't be here. How did you find me?
We met outside Hollywood Liquors on Christmas Eve. This is where Lynn Bracken's booze bills go.
Of course...
Where's the other guy? Buzz.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Against your code?
I don't have one. Lefferts looked beat-up Christmas Eve, but didn't act it. How come?
Do you care about criminal matters peripheral to Susan's murder?
No.
Then you wouldn't feel obligated to report them?
That's right.
Then listen closely, because I'll only say this once and if it gets repeated, I'll deny it. I run call girls. Lynn Bracken is one of them and so was Susan Lefferts. I treat my girls very well. I have grown daughters, myself, and I don't like the thought of women being hurt. I sense you share this feeling.
Why were Lefferts' eyes black?
I think she'd been hit in the face with a tennis racket. She is -- was -- a big doubles fan.
You wanna go downtown and discuss this officially?
I needed a Rita Hayworth to fill out my little studio.
What little studio?
There's Gardner, Hepburn, Grable, Turner. Lynn Bracken is my Veronica Lake. I use girls who look like movie stars. Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon.
That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her... Jesus fucking Christ.
No, Mr. White. Pierce Morehouse Patchett. Now, I sense you're on your best behavior, but that's all I'll give you. If you persist, I'll meet you with my attorney. Now, would you like Miss Bracken's address? I doubt she knows anything, but --
I got her address.
Officer White. I heard you got a hard-on for wife beaters.
Wendell White, how's tricks, <u>paesano</u>?
What do you want, <u>officer</u>?
Should I?
His file listed you as a known associate. Now spill.
Oh, yeah. That was a long time ago. Before your day. The last few years he's been muscle for hire. But I heard he's disappeared.
More.
How 'bout I give you your balls back?
Before Meeks disappeared he was popping off about trying to move eighteen pounds of heroin.
Bullshit. Where would a two-bit ex-cop get 18 pounds of heroin?
Meeks is probably in Rio or someplace like that by now.
He's under a tract house in San Berdoo. And he don't smell too good. What happened to the heroin, Johnny?
Bud White, what brings you down to the basement?
I got a few Nite Owl questions.
I don't know if you read the papers, but that case is closed.
I'm tying up loose ends. Padding my report. You know how it goes.
What do you want to know?
Anything off. Anything that didn't make sense.
Whose shoe?
Susan Lefferts.
If she was sitting here, then it's facing the wrong way. What are these smears in the blood?
It looks like she was flailing, trying to get away.
But she's moving away from the door. Who was sitting at this table?
Cotton balls. I found them just inside the meat locker door.
<u>Ear plugs</u>.
Exactly. At least one of those animals had the brains to protect his ears.
It doesn't exactly play like dumb panic.
What do you mean?
It's like they knew they were going to kill everyone before they went in...
Ed, your observations have been astute. What's your assessment of this situation?
I want to know who we give the public in contrast? The department needs role models. Clean-cut, <u>forthright</u> men the public can admire.
I'll testify, sir. I'm not afraid to do what's right.
Ed, you're 30. Your father didn't make lieutenant until he was 33.
Jack Vincennes. He's the technical advisor on 'Badge of Honor,' sir. He lives for it. That's the way to get him.
I got the rap sheets on the black guys, sir. Coates and Jones got charges a mile long. But except for some kid stuff, Fontaine's clean.
Clean?
More or less.
Anything?
Nothing.
So on active duty, Meeks didn't make an arrest from 1938 to '43.
Where are the police academy files?
I don't have time. I have --
You're twenty-two, aren't you, Ray?
Say what and so what.
You look like Robinson after that last LaMotta fight. 'Course LaMotta looked a lot worse. So you're twenty-two, right?
Man, why do you keep asking me that?
Just getting my facts straight. Twenty-two makes it a gas chamber bounce. You should have pulled this caper a couple of years ago. Get life, do a little Youth Authority jolt, transfer to Folsom a big man. Orbit on some of that good prison brew, get yourself a sissy --
I never truck with no sissies!
That fucking Larry. I almost believed him.
Believed what?
Nothing, Ray. That Larry, he's a pisser. You did the Casitas Youth Camp with him, didn't you?
Ray, you protected Ty and Larry up in Casitas, didn't you?
I heard you like to shoot dogs.
Dogs got no reason to live.
Oh? you feel that way about people, too?
Man, what're you saying?
Ray, we got the shotguns.
I don't own no shotguns.
Why were you throwing clothes in the building incinerator?
Say what?
You guys were arrested this morning, but none of you have last night's clothes. <u>You</u> were seen burning them. Add to that the fact that you hid the car you were cruising around in last night and it doesn't look good.
I got nothin' more to say till I see a judge.
Were you on hop? You were passed out when you got arrested. Were you hopped up, Ray?
Ty and Larry fuck with that shit, not me.
What do you mean Deuce Perkins got clipped last night?!
They shot him in his library.
I don't want a floor plan; I want to know who! Who's taking the ticket for this, Johnny?
Nobody. At least not yet.
And what about the merchandise Deuce was holding for me?
Gone. Not a trace.
This is Mr. Hudgeons, Wendell.
I'm happy to cooperate. You don't need to tie me down.
It's for your own safety. Now what can you tell us about Sergeant John Vincennes?
Take it easy! I didn't have anything to do with him getting killed if that's what you mean.
But you were business associates?
Okay so we worked together. It was an information exchange. I got him first class collars and he got me good stories. We were friends for Chrissakes!
Okay. Okay. Everyone knows Patchett's worth a boat-load of greenbacks. From aviation, freeway construction. But the man has hobbies, too. He bankrolls B movies under the table and runs movie star look-alike hookers. And try this on: he's rumored to be a periodic heroin sniffer. All in all a powerful behind-the- scenes strange-o.
And?
Reciprocity, Mr. Hudgeons, is the key to all relationships.
And?
That was his favorite toast. I saw the test results on the lieutenant's exam. You placed first out of twenty-three.
The youngest applicant by eight years.
You'll make lieutenant inside a year. Patrol division?
You're wrong.
Am I...? Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew was guilty in order to ensure an indictment?
Dudley, we've been over this.
Answer yes or no.
I... No.
Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis...? Yes or no, Edmund.
No.
Would you be willing to beat confessions out of suspects you knew to be guilty?
No.
Would you be willing to shoot hardened criminals in the back to offset the chance --
No.
Then for God's sake, don't be a detective. Stick to assignments where you won't have to make those choices. Patrol, Internal Affairs, but not the Bureau.
I know you mean well, Dudley, but I don't need to do it the way you did. Or my father.
Stensland's a disgrace. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. But White is a valuable officer.
White's a mindless thug.
You'll reap the benefits, but are you truly prepared to be despised within the department?
Yes, Dudley. I am.
You should stay away from a man when his blood is up.
Sir, I took the call. It's my case.
Edmund, you don't want it and you can't have it.
Yes, I do, sir.
Why?
We got a call earlier on three Negro youths. Firing shotguns in Griffith Park from a late-model purple Mercury Coupe.
Ed, I want confessions.
Don't get sidetracked. Stay with the Nite Owl.
There are loose ends out there, Dudley. I --
There always are. But there are also three men and three guns. Matched forensically. A few loose ends don't matter.
No... Where'd the tip come from?
I'm loathe to kill my brother officers, Edmund.
Tell that to Jack Vincennes. To Stensland.
Jack was a shame, but Dick Stensland had the audacity to try to sell me my own heroin. Through his whore girl friend. I sent him to make the buy. The rest is history.
Why?
A vacuum, Edmund. That's what we have in Los Angeles. Sending Mickey Cohen up created it. My containment work maintained it. Certain photographs guarantee it. Organized crime has been held back, but there's still a demand for the services it provides.
And now you'll provide them.
<u>No</u>.
Why not, lad? Absolute justice?
Something like that.
John, I doubt you've ever drawn a stupid breath. Don't start now.
You think golden boy can handle it, Cap?
John Vincennes. It's three A.M., lad.
Two minutes, Dudley. It's important.
You remember Buzz Meeks, Dudley?
A disgrace as a policeman. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. What about him?
Twelve years ago he worked a vice roust with Dick Stensland. They arrested a Pierce Patchett on an extortion scam. Guy ran hookers. He'd have them photographed with their johns, then double-dip for some blackmail. Charges got dropped. Insufficient evidence. You were supervising officer on the case and I was wondering if you remember anything about it.
What's this all about, lad?
Part of it has to do with a murder. I've been working with Ed Exley on it.
You're Narco, lad, not Homicide. And since when do you work with Edmund?
It's a private investigation. I fucked something up and I want to make amends.
Have you discussed this with anyone else, John?
No.
You're the key witness?
That's right.
I should've known. What's the Chief throwing you?
<u>Throwing me</u>?
Yeah, Exley. What's the payoff?
You're the payoff expert. I'm just doing my duty.
You're playing an angle, college boy. You're getting something out of this so you don't have to hobnob with the fucking rank and file cops who'll hate your guts for snitching. If they're making you a detective, watch out. Some Bureau guys are gonna burn in this and you're gonna have to work with friends of theirs.
What about you?
L.A.P.D.
Damnit...
What?
Glasses.
I need to speak to you.
Damnit... <u>What</u>?
I want you to follow Bud White.
Even I'm not that crazy.
It's not a request. I need to know what White knows. Follow him or I'll have you pulled off 'Badge of Honor.' Permanently.
Yesterday that might've meant something. Pull me off. You'd be doing me a big favor.
Yesterday yes, today no. What happened last night?
Transfer me, suspend me. Just leave me alone.
You make a mistake?
Listen, I think I made a mistake, too.
I ain't a priest, Lieutenant. I can't hear your confession.
Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl killings?
What?
It's a simple question.
Is there more to that, or do I have to guess?
Rollo was a purse snatcher. My father ran into him off duty. He shot my father six times and got away clean. No one even knew who he was. I made the name up to give him some personality.
So what's the point?
I'm trying to figure what angle you're playing <u>this</u> time, but I sure as hell can't see one.
I've given up angles for awhile. I just want to solve this thing.
The Nite Owl was solved, Lieutenant.
Okay, college boy, I'll help you. But I want half the collar.
What's that for?
Jesus... Maybe White's not so dumb after all.
Rita Hayworth at the morgue and now Veronica Lake with White. What the hell's going on?
Movie star hookers. Whatever you desire... It's Fleur-fr-Lis again.
What's Fleur-de-Lis?
High line whores. With plastic surgery to look like movie stars. And who knows what else? It's run by this guy Pierce Patchett. You want to talk to him?
She is Lana Turner.
What?
What are you going to do?
I'm going to Lynn Bracken's. I'll meet you at the Dining Car.
What's on the call sheet?
A guy dressed as Santa has been exposing himself to kids in Los Feliz. Apparently, sir, he's decorated himself.
Decorated?
With tinsel and plastic icicles and... on his penis, sir.
I get the idea. You got a description?
We got a total of forty-five spent 12-gauge Remington shotgun shells. Three men with five-shot-capacity pumps. All of them reloading twice.
The Nite Owl. Anything bothering you about the case?
Yeah. The fact that you guys won't let it get filed away.
What are you talking about?
We got a dead ex-cop and a girl who looks like Rita Hayworth at the Nite Owl. Another dead ex-cop under the house of Rita's mother. It's not a good week for ex-cops.
I'll tell you what I told Officer White when he asked me about Susan's death.
Bud White's been here?
For the last time. I may suborn women into illicit activities, but they're handsomely compensated, I treat them well and make sure the men they deal with show them every due respect.
Is the Veronica Lake look-alike one of your whores?
A vulgar term, but yes.
What's her name?
Lynn Bracken.
Why's she seeing Bud White?
Why do men and women usually see each other?
Anything else you want to add before I talk to her?
No.
Not good enough.
Miss Bracken, I'm Lieutenant Exley.
I know who you are. You're the policeman Bud told me about.
Really? What did White say?
Let's concentrate on my smarts. Pierce Patchett made you, didn't he? He taught you how to dress and talk and think and I am very impressed with the results. But I need some answers and if I don't get them, I'm going to take you and Patchett down.
I'm curious about you.
It galls you that I know so much about you. You don't have information to compete.
Don't underestimate me, Miss Bracken.
How was I?
Oh, the best I ever had. Absolutely the best.
You sound like you mean it.
The silver screen's loss is your gain.
How about White?
I want to know why you see him. Is it a Patchett payoff?
I see Bud because I want to. I see Bud because he can't hide the warmth he has inside him.
I'll take your word for it.
Does all that make it harder for you to hate him or easier?
I don't hate White. I really don't. It's just, in my business, it's the wild cars you have to watch out for.
You don't like that you don't know how to play him. He doesn't follow the same rules of politics you do. That makes him dangerous.
You cut to the heart of things, don't you? What about Lynn Bracken? She going to be a hooker all her life?
I came out here with a dream. That's gone, but I settled for reality.
Some reality.
No. This is the means to the reality. But I'm not going to tell you what it is.
Why not?
You're tougher than Bud thinks you are.
You're the first person to ever call me tough.
Like recognizes like. I'm pretty tough, myself.
You, me and White, huh?
If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake.
A police captain. I think he's behind all of this.
I work for Patchett. I had a feeling that there was someone else, but I never knew who.
Okay. Look, if it helps, Bud hates himself for what he did.
Where will you go?
Bisbee, Arizona. The air's good for pensioners and I know where everything is.
When?
Right now, before I back down.
Do you think I ever could've been in the running?
It's okay. These are police. <u>What</u> do you want?
I want D.A. bureau men to tail Dudley Smith twenty-four hours a day; I want you to get a judge to authorize a wire tap on his home phone; I want authorization to check his bank records and I want it all in an hour.
On what evidence?
None. Call it a hunch.
Absolutely not. Dudley Smith is a highly decorated member of this city's police department and I won't smear his name without --
Without what, his smearing yours first? What's he got on you, Loew? Pictures of you and an out of work actor with your pants down?
Do you have any proof?
The proof had his throat slit. So far you're not denying it.
Okay! You're right! Dudley's got photos of me and Reynolds.
It seems like my Susan, but...
When was the last time you saw her, Mrs. Lefferts?
Let my Susie rest in peace!
Mrs. Lefferts, I just want to ask a few questions.
That other policeman already checked under the house and found not a thing amiss.
Officer White?
A sweet man.
Under the house.
My daughter was a virgin!
Big V Jack Vincennes! May I have this dance?
We did a piece last year. 'Ingenue Dykes In Hollywood.' Her name got mentioned.
Is she?
Beats me. Look, Jackie-Boy, a friend of mine just sold some reefer to Matt Reynolds. He's tripping the light fantastic with Tammy Jordan at 2245 Maravilla, Hollywood Hills. It's right around the corner.
You lost me, Sid. Who?
Contract players at Metro. You pinch 'em. I do you up feature in the next issue. Plus the usual fifty cash. Tell me, am I fucking Santa Claus?
I need an extra fifty. Two patrolmen at twenty apiece and a dime for the watch commander at Hollywood Station.
Jack! It's Christmas!
They're sitting in the dark, goofing on the Christmas tree.
Stand there with your camera. I'll stop here so you get Grauman's Chinese in the backgrouns.
It's Christmas morning in the City of Angels, and while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them. The free- wheeling, big-time Big V, celebrity crime-stopper, Jack Vincennes, the scourge of grasshoppers and junk fiends everywhere. You like it, Jackie- Boy?
<u>Hush-Hush</u>. Off the record and on the Q.T.
Sid, it's Vincennes.
No. But I've got something going with Ad Vice.
Something good?
Not a word.
What about Fleur-de-Lis? Their slogan's 'Whatever you desire.'
You're back, boychick.
Sid, how are they hanging?
The Grauman's Chinese pot bust. He just got off the honor farm.
What's he doing here, Sid?
You tight with the D.A., trash?
Sure, he just tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.
How'd you like a little payback? Not to mention a donation to the widows and orphans fund. Did you know Loew was a swish?
And Reynolds?
Sid, why would a guy like Pierce Patchett get involved with running dope and hookers?
Where'd you hear that?
Around.
Jackie! You got some good scoop for the Sidster?
Sid, cut the crap. I --
Shut up!
What's wrong, Trash?
What happened with the kid and Loew?
You didn't get my message? It got called off. The kid chickened out at the last minute.
He's dead. I was just there. Somebody slit his throat.
Loew didn't go with him. You're sure?
Pacific Coast Bell.
This is Sgt. Vincennes. Requesting a name and address on a phone number. Hollywood zero-one- two-three-nine.
Please hold the line... No such number is assigned.
I just called it.
No, Sergeant. I checked twice.
Yeah. Sergeant Jack Vincennes requesting. I need the home address on a Pierce Patchett.
Have we met before?
Was it a party?
Something like that.
Fleaur-de-Lis. 'Whatever you desire.'
Yeah. Me and Patchett go way back.
Pierce isn't like regular people. I dig him, but he scares me too.
Really? How?
You know, when I came out to L.A., this isn't exactly where I saw myself ending up.
I'm pretty sure I can get you a part on the show... But tonight? Pretend it's an acting job, kid. Showbiz.
And no one'll know about this?
It'll be our secret.
Gee. The Great Jerk-Off Book Caper of 1953.
Vincennes, is there someplace you'd rather be?
Yeah, Cap. Back in Narcotics.
Oh? Anyplace else?
Working whores with squad two.
Brill?
What happened?
DePinto's dead.
Oh Jesus.
I don't know anything about Zavitz.
You said he was behind an extortion scheme.
And you were the last one to talk to him.
Yes.
What'd he say to you?
Nothing.
What'd he give to you?
Nothing.
Don't bullshit me, I can save your life.
I just gave him my card.
He didn't give you an address? He didn't give you a phone number?
Um...who's that?
Don't know. Did you check everywhere? Maybe it was hidden in something. Maybe there was someone else--
Someone else?
209 to anyone! I need some help here!
It's actually DH-1 Digitech Pinpoint scanning with a frequency modulator.
I don't know what that means.
Me neither, but the upshot is I've got color live-action footage of you and Ms Hawkins and it doesn't look good.
So...how much money do you want in exchange for not ruining my life?
I don't want any money. And believe me, I have no interest in ruining your life. I'm not interested in this tape.
Zavitz, what? You want your old job back?
Listen to me--
Tired of chasing squirrels around the park?
Listen--
Lemme ask you something. I put a bird feeder out in the yard, but the squirrels, they keep taking--
Turn on CNN.
They keep taking the bird seed. I thought since you're the expert on--
Goddammit, shut the fuck up and turn on CNN!
Alright, I made a joke about squirrels, don't get so--
You've got it on tape?
Clear as day.
No one. But I'm a little nervous.
When can you get it here?
I'm doing a transfer now.
Come straight here. Don't talk to anyone.
I'll come straight there.
We've also been informed that the Grand Jury is going to call for an investigation into your affairs.
Why?
It is?
Tell us about Rachel Banks.
What kind of a question is that?
A direct one.
Why don't you just call Brill directly.
I don't know who he is.
I'm told you had an affair with Rachel Banks four years ago.
Told by whom?
Considering the enormous exposure to which you've subjected this firm, I'd think you'd do best to simply answer my questions.
Really?
Yes.
You knew the deal. No contact.
Who was that other guy?
One of many people who would live a word with you.
Who are they?
You've heard of the National Security Agency?
What do they have to do with this?
That's who they are.
The NSA?
Yes.
You're crazy.
Okay.
Wait.
You drive a black BMW, license plate SRK1339?
Yeah.
What <u>is</u> that?
It's a SAT-tracker.
I don't know what that means.
Like a LowJack, but two generations ahead of what the police use. It pulses at 230 Giga-Hertz.
I don't know what that means.
230 Giga-Hertz. They use that band for the Aquacade Spy-SAT uplinks.
I don't know what that means.
It means the NSA can read the time off your wristwatch.
Why are they after <u>me</u>?
If I knew, they'd be after <u>me</u>. Which they probably are right now. 'Bye.
Wait. What do I do?
Why don't they just identify themselves and tell me what they want?
They're spooks.
I don't know what that--
Exposure. They can't have it. They wanna learn what you know and then deal with it.
I don't know <u>anything</u>.
No shit.
What am I gonna do?! I mean, like, for the rest of my <u>life</u>?!
Hey, if you live another week I'll be impressed.
What if--
What if I find out what they're after. You know these people, I don't.
And you won't. Now move--
I'll pay you.
How many years have <u>you</u> been hiding from them? How many years have you been running? What'd they do to you?
Get dressed. We're leaving.
You could knock on the door, you know, and I'd open it.
I taped it off the 11 o'clock news.
And you were worried about me. That's nice, I appreciate--
I was worried about my hundred and twenty 'K'.
We said a hundred.
The price rises with the temperature and right now you're smokin'. But you're right, you should shop around and get the best price. I'll just let you out here.
Did you call anyone?
What do you mean?
I mean did you call anyone.
Look, my wife is understandably--
Jesus!
I called my wife!
What'd I tell you?
I didn't use my name.
What'd I tell you?
I called from a payphone!
What'd I tell you?
You told me no calls.
Sorry.
You don't get it. They go through your phone records. They fuckin' monitor everyone you called in the last--
I didn't use my name.
The NSA's been in bed with the entire tele-communications industry since the 40's. They've infected everything: Banks, computers, phones, mail, name it. The more technology we buy into, the easier it is keeping tabs on us. It's a brave new world. At least it better be.
How do you know so much?
None of your business.
You used to work for 'em, didn't you?
I intercepted phone calls.
How'd you get around the tap orders?
They can tap anything as along as it's an airwave intercept. Cellulars and pagers your kid can do. Hard-line calls we'd pick off the relays as they were being fed into ground cables or fired up to the SATs. We'd suck in everything. All foreign, most domestic. Domestic was my group. Druggies, radicals, loud-mouths. Anyone we wanted.
How'd you have the manpower to--
Meade has 18 underground acres of computers. They scan <u>every</u> phonecall for target words like "bomb" or "President". We red-flag phone numbers or voice prints...whatever we wanted. When the computers found something, it was bounced to comparative analysis.
Jesus.
That was twenty years ago. With digital? They can suck a salt grain off a beach.
Why'd you leave?
It was '72. I figured we had enough problems without monitoring a Berkeley kid's class schedule. So I sold my story to <u>Ramparts</u> and split.
They come after you?
What do you think?
Looks like Detroit.
That is one ugly sunrise.
It really is. Did you find anything?
Remember when Senator Hamersley died in an accident up near Shenandoah?
Yeah.
The NSA killed him.
Jesus. Do you have proof?
Well, actually, <u>you</u> have proof. Could you walk a little faster please.
What's going on?
They're here.
Who?
Them.
Where?
Here?
<u>Here</u>?!
In the warehouse. They're hiding in a duct on the third floor. When we go back inside, they're gonna kill us. When they notice that we're moving toward the car, they'll come running out of the building.
Empty 'em 'till they're almost flat. And turn your head. There might be some debris flying your way.
What the fuck?!
Gimme that.
You sure?
You're driving.
Those are Feds.
Think we let out enough air?
We lost 'em.
That wasn't so hard.
Fuckin-A.
Let's not do the tire thing anymore, okay?
These guys are incredibly persistent.
Drive.
We're not gonna hurt you.
Drive.
Tell him we're not gonna hurt him.
Drive or I'll blow your fuckin' head off.
No he won't.
Goddammit--
Listen to you, "directly". You're not gonna get <u>near</u> the News Department. And if you did, it'd never get on the air. Time-Life buried the Zapruder film for 15 years.
What about newspapers and magazines?
Same thing?
So what do we do now?
I was thinkin' about asking for my hundred and fifty grand and calling it quits.
What if we do a mailing to Congressmen.
What if we hand deliver to their homes or office?
The area's wired for surveillance, they'll be <u>looking</u> for those moves.
Well how do <u>I</u> know what they're--
What if we transmitted it over cellular?
Listen--
Nah, they'd shut down the pin number.
What if--
If they couldn't do that, they'd shut down the whole system, all the relays.
What if--
They've done it before. Takes maybe two minutes.
What if--
What if <u>what</u>?
What if we just fucked with 'em?
How?
Same way they did with you and me. We take their biggest guy and turn him into one of us.
Reynolds.
No.
You wanna get caught spying on Albert?
We're gonna lead Albert by the nose to one conclusion. And then when he's pissed as hell, we're gonna drop the tape in his lap. How fast can you teach me what I need to know?
Pretty fast.
What do you know about locking cellular phone signals?
I know my phone number and I know the number for SportsPhone. Beyond that--
What are you dialing?
He came in four minutes ago.
Feeling lucky?
Baudmore Consultants.
Is Jerry Delsano in?
Who's calling?
It's Pat Cary. I work for Senator Sam Albert and I was given Jerry's name.
Jerry's on vacation 'till Monday. I can give him the message when he gets back. That was Patrick and the last name--
The thing is...it really can't wait.
--Don't think it could've gone any better. Tell me, how's Deb? How're my grandchildren?
Well, sir, I'm afraid it's not as simple as that. Your average newspaper guy or Hard Copy lady or whatever, they can't buy this stuff.
Well then who can?
Ah, sir, you know, it's not for me to say.
What do you mean? Who can buy this kind of equipment.
The thing is, Senator, and I don't want to get in the middle of nothing, but--
What are you saying?
Most of this stuff's only available to law enforcement.
Law enforcement?
FBI, CIA, NSA, local cops.
I yanked this off your RV. It's a Global Positioning Tracker.
Oh my God.
Tracks your location to the inch and works directly with--you know...
With what?
With spy satellites. I don't like saying these things Senator...
Neil, thank you for your help.
Hi, Mr. Dean.
Is it okay?
Hey, Mr. D., what's happenin'?
Dylan, I was just asking Eric if--
Oh, God, I <u>knew</u> it was stupid, I <u>knew</u> we'd get caught. But the Gameboy was just <u>sitting</u> there. Right on top of the bag. Yes. Yes. We took the GameBoy out of the bag, but with every intention of putting it back.
Do you see anything you like?
I'm married.
That's fine.
I'm married to my wife...of several years...and I'd like to buy...as a Christmas present...
You'd like to buy your wife some lingerie as a Christmas gift.
Yes. I have her permission.
It's okay. I think it's a wonderful gift.
Can you help me?
How 'bout Christian Dior?
Is that good?
Very good.
I don't know anything about this. Well, I mean, I know a <u>little</u> about--from a certain perspective. My point is, I don't want to do anything foolish.
It's a little late for that.
I'll say.
What size?
Pardon?
What size?
Eight. Size eight.
I'll be right back.
Thanks.
Remain calm.
I think she'll like this very much.
Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.
For that matter, I think you will too.
I know, but--
<u>Wildlife</u> footage, for God's sake. I don't see how he could've slipped you something that the FBI would be interested in.
That's my point.
<u>What's</u> your point.
Well, I need to find out as much about Daniel as possible.
Why?
Because my life is being ruined.
Yes?
I didn't want to bother you during your racquetball game.
I'm sorry. Detective Morelos.
Hey, did you guys find my stuff?
Your stuff?
The robbery.
No, sir, I'm not involved with that. I'm doing a quick follow-up on a bus accident took place a few nights ago. Your name keeps coming up.
Oh...yeah, I didn't see the accident.
Witnesses said you were there, but I notice you didn't file a report.
A report?
A police report.
That's 'cause I <u>wasn't</u> there.
You weren't at Harrison's Department Store the night before--
I was <u>in</u> the store, the accident was outside. It was a bus.
Someone said you spoke to Mr. Zavitz before he died. I thought you might know something.
About what?
About the accident.
I'm no expert, but I'm assuming that the impact of a moving bus against his body caused--
Mr. Zavitz was in trouble.
What kind of trouble.
You tell me.
I can't.
Are you invoking attorney/client privilege.
I'm not his attorney.
Than why can't you tell me.
Because I don't know.
I'm just trying to determine if Mr. Zavitz was involved in something more than a simple bus accident.
Than why don't you talk to the bus driver?
Why so edgy, Mr. Dean?
Somebody took my blender.
We'd appreciate your cooperation.
Did he give you anything?
No.
Anything at all?
No, sir.
Was he with anyone?
Not that I could see.
Nobody gave you <u>anything</u>?
No.
Why'd you go to Harrison's?
To buy lingerie.
For your wife?
<u>Yes</u>, for my wife, what the hell kinds of questions are these.
I don't know what's goin' on with Zavitz, but that was way, <u>way</u> outa line. You understand?
Hey.
This guy's a fat-assed Rotarian gasbag.
Uh-oh.
Bobby!
Not a very good one, but--
So you tap everyone's phone? You use computers to probe financial records? New Search and Seizure laws?
Just for the criminals.
We won't suspend the civil rights of the good people.
Right.
You should take this seriously.
You're a lawyer. Don't you care what's going on around you?
Something bad happened tonight.
What?
I saw a man die.
What do you mean?
In front of Harrison's, he got hit by a bus. I knew him. The firm did some pro bono work for his organization a few years back.
I'm sorry.
The thing is, when I saw him, it seemed like he wanted to tell me... ...he was upset about something and he said... Doesn't matter now. I'm gonna wash up.
What'd you buy at Harrison's?
Bobby?
Yeah.
How'd you get the information on DePinto?
What do you mean?
Who did you work with to get the--
A guy named Brill. Same guy as always.
Yeah, but you said you've never met him. How did you--
Honey, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of Eric.
Have you been working with Rachel?
No.
Sorry.
I don't understand why Jerry couldn't clear this up.
Well, you know--
He's got his priorities?
Stacy?
How could you let me find out like this?
Stacy, I found out like this. This is the first I'm <u>hearing</u> of--
Robert--
It's not true.
"Sources revealed an FBI investigation into a possible money laundering scheme that may have sent millions of dollars--
I've seen it.
"At the center of the investigation are well-known Washington-area attorneys Robert Dean and Rachel Banks."
You <u>swore</u>!
I have lunch with Rachel once a month. She's my connection to an investigator.
I told you I didn't want you seeing her.
I know.
You had an affair with this woman, Robert, we went to a fucking <u>counselor</u> for a year.
I see her for business.
You told me you weren't seeing her at <u>all</u>.
The date stamp on the picture is last <u>month</u>. Is that where you and Rachel conduct business.
It's not real... That's not me.
Oh, please--
It's not a real picture, Stacy, it's been doctored-up.
I think you should leave now, Robert.
Stacy--
Stacy, don't hang up.
Do you know what I'm looking at Robert?
Stacy--
I'm looking at a picture of you and Rachel taken <u>yesterday</u>.
I know, but listen--
Was that doctored-up, too?
No, I was with her yesterday. I want you to take Eric and go to our parents house. I want you to do it right now.
I went to the grocery store. My ATM and credit cards didn't work. I couldn't buy food.
I know.
I went to the bank to see why. They said you emptied our accounts--
It wasn't me.
This is science-fiction Robert! The manager showed me the transfer notice with your signature on it.
Stacy, somebody's trying to kill me. Now goddamit--
Is Eric in school?
Yes.
Has anyone been by? Police? FBI?
Just reporters.
I wish you'd gone to your parents like I asked you.
This is my house. Nobody's kicking me out of my house. I picked those drapes.
I don't think anybody wants the drapes, Stacy, I think the drapes are okay.
What happened to your head?
Does that hurt?
Well...yeah.
Good.
I <u>told</u> you they could do this. I <u>told</u> you they had this kind of capability and that with this anti- terrorism it would be just another--
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
That's okay.
I opened the present you got me from Harrison's.
You opened the thing?
The lingerie.
That was for Christmas.
I was missing you.
...who root through...uh...presents, and...
What is it?
Are you sure you're safe?
They're saying you killed that policeman.
Is it over?
It's really over?
Albert's gonna get me my job back.
I'm sorry about Rachel.
Yeah. I wish you could've met...
Who?
A friend of mine. I don't know his real name. He's dead now.
I'm sorry, sir, this card's been declined.
It's a brand new card.
Maybe it's not connected yet.
My suitcase--
Sir?
I'm sure we can locate it for you, sir.
What can I do for you?
Well, I was hoping you might stop by my office to swear out a criminal deposition against some of your friends and co-workers.
Is this a fuckin' joke?
I don't believe it is, no.
Why the hell would I--
I've got photographs of you at the Trenton Ramada looking very--
That ain't me.
It's not?
You don't know who the fuck--
That's not you having a whiskey sour with Carmine Morada.
This is fucked. You don't know <u>who's</u> in that--
You're right, Mr. DePinto, and maybe I jumped the gun.
You're goddam right you jumped the gun.
That's probably not you in the picture. I tell you what, I'll just run the thing by the Grand Jury, see if they can't--
I want to talk to a goddam lawyer.
I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand. You wanna fuckin' <u>what</u>?
Actually, that's not true.
You didn't squeeze DePinto?
No, I meant I'm Presbyterian.
Oh.
And then what?
How's the trout?
It tastes like fish.
It is fish.
I mean it tastes like every other fish I've ever had. Every fish tastes the same.
Do you like fish?
Here's what you asked for. Brill's note said it was everything you'd need to, shall we say, coax DePinto--
When do I get to meet him?
DePinto?
Brill.
Never.
That wasn't the answer I was hoping for.
"Soon". Or at least sooner than never.
It's how he works.
Brill?
Yes.
Ten thousand cash. I don't know if it's Brill's prices going up or your commission.
I take a straight 15 percent. Brill's fee varies with risk. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable using someone else.
Other than Brill.
Other than me.
Why would I--
Someone with whom you don't have quite so personal a--
I <u>like</u> our history. And I like you. I'd probably like <u>Brill</u> if I ever got to--
He doesn't work that way.
I just want to make sure I'm not breaking the law.
You're not.
How can I be sure.
I wouldn't let you. Good luck with DePinto.
Thank you.
Eat your fish.
I got a call from my firm this morning saying don't come in.
Why?
There are reporters wanting to know about my relationship with you and how long I've worked for the mob. The <u>mob</u>, Bobby!
Good. You're just what I need right now.
You got a minute?
It's really not a good idea for me to be seen with you.
Who's doing this?
I gotta go.
I know.
The IRS contacted me this morning. They say my lifestyle and receipts exceed my income.
You being audited?
For the last four years.
My firm'll represent you. Free of charge.
You don't work there anymore, Bobby.
That's temporary.
Bullshit.
Rachel--
We're screwed.
I'm gonna fix it.
How?
I can't.
You have to.
I've never met him?
Fuck you. When you needed information, I got it. You didn't care how.
I <u>did</u> care how.
This conversation's over.
What're you gonna do, Rachel? You gonna sit in a bar in Baltimore? You want your job back? You want a life?
I don't <u>have</u> a life, Bobby. I'm in love with a married man.
I'm sorry about that.
What makes you think it's you?
It's not me?
You're a moron, you know that?
Any idea what he looks like?
Yeah?
We'd like to ask you some questions about Daniel Zavitz.
Who <u>are</u> you people?
I'm an investigator with Pro-Tech Security.
I went through this with an investigator this morning. If I could--
Mr. Zavitz was involved in an extortion scheme. We believe he passed you sensitive materials, possibly with your knowledge, and we need to--
He didn't.
We believe he did.
You're wrong.
We have good reason to believe that he passed you--
If he passed me materials, I'd have them. I don't.
We'd like to recover any materials Mr. Zavitz may have given you--
He didn't <u>give</u> me--
--otherwise we may have to--
Otherwise you may have to what?
We'd rather not--
He didn't <u>give</u> me--
--otherwise we may have to--
Otherwise you may have to what?
We'd rather not--
Jesus! What?! You want money?!
Your shoe.
My shoe?
Hey!
Forget me, forget what I did for you. Don't <u>ever</u> mention my name or try to contact me again. Get it?
I don't <u>know</u> you, I don't <u>know</u> your name, I don't know <u>what</u> the hell you did for me except hang up on my wife and slam me into a wall, but I'm getting pretty fuckin' <u>sick</u> of this! Get it?!
Seat 74.
God knows I would, sir, but I have a previous engagement this evening.
And may I ask what could possibly be more important than Fawell Oil v. U.S. Environmental Agency?
Diane, maybe you didn't hear Mr. Silverberg. They've got models that'll try on the garments. Thank you, sir.
Listen--
I got a call this morning from a source I trust. The Post is running a lead this afternoon about your involvement in the Bellmoth investigation.
They claim you helped create a shell company for Sam Vollotti in Zurich and that through your continuing relationship, the Gambino family's been able to exert influence and provide false witnesses to discredit our case.
Robert--
What's his name?
Gentlemen--
This is <u>bullshit</u>. Someone's mixing up a bunch of half-truths to ruin me and to ruin my case.
Who would do that?
Maybe Bellmoth. Maybe the unions. I don't know.
Well until we find, you're gonna have to take a leave of absence.
You're firing me.
A leave of absence. Until we've sorted this all out.
Put David on it. He seems anxious to clear my name.
Bobby--
Well that's why I'm here, Mr. Dean. 'Cause you're a labor lawyer.
Good point.
Last night, Larry Spinks, he works the Steel Press, he goes to a bar with his wife Rosalie to have a glass of chianti 'cause it's his birthday, and these two guys, these Guido mother-fuckers, they jump him when he goes to the bathroom.
L.T., in this office I'd prefer you say Italian-Americans.
I'm sorry, Mr. Dean. But Larry's in St. Lukes now, so I'm a little--I'm not myself. The Union bosses say unless we take Bellmoth's offer, it'll only get worse.
That's because your Union bosses <u>are</u> those Guido mother-fuckers.
I don't under--
The Union's trying to railroad you into accepting terms worse than what you have now.
Because they've been paid off by Bellmoth.
Mr. Dean--
Robert--
Where's Stacy?
She doesn't want to talk to you.
What are you talking--
She can't talk to you right now.
Why?
Excuse me, have any of you seen an eight year old boy, good looking, about yea-big.
You're learning a cruel lesson.
Are those my Christmas presents?
Some of 'em.
Can I open 'em up?
Sure, go ahead.
Really?
In your dreams.
Dad!
He's kidding.
Where's mom?
Dad!
Do I know you?
Where've you been?
Having an adventure. I can't tell you about it right now, but I'll tell you about it soon.
Are you and mom getting a divorce?
No. We're never getting a divorce. We were having a fight. It happens sometimes.
Who won the fight?
Men don't win fights with women, son, I'll tell you about that sometime, too. In the meantime, I've got a question for you, and it's incredibly important that you tell me the truth. Under no circumstances will I be angry with you. This is a total Get-Out-Of- Jail-Free card. Ready?
Yeah.
How long can you stay?
It's okay to use the phone.
Alright!
They took the espresso machine. The <i>espresso</i> machine, Jerry! Which makes sense, you know, because the crooks probably wanted to make themselves a latte before fencing the stereo.
Did they take your clothes?
No.
You've got a bunch of Armani suits, they didn't take 'em?
No.
Usually they take clothes.
Why don't you give 'em a call.
What about jewelry?
They didn't take the jewelry. They took the computers. They took the big-screen TV, they took my blender.
The blender?
I love my blender.
They didn't take the silverware?
No, but they took my blender.
Sounds like they didn't want anything that wasn't electric?
What?
They only took electrical appliances.
Can I talk to you a second?
Table 122?
That's what I want to talk to you about?
The Congressman's very happy to have your support, but he's heard that there's an investigation.
An investigation? It was a bus accident.
He's heard that it's escalated.
Into what?
Your Bellmoth case. The FBI thinks there might be mob ties.
I'm a labor lawyer. There are <u>always</u> mob ties.
Jerry--
Christ!
Ssh!
Bobby--
It's the NSA. They're the ones doing this.
Bobby--
The NSA's doing this 'cause they think I have something. And they killed--
Calm down.
They killed Rachel.
Rachel's dead?
Yes.
Jesus.
My stuff's all over her apartment.
Bobby--
They're framing me.
Why would they--
I don't know. I mean--
Why would the NSA--
I don't know!
You're tired.
Jerry--
Listen to me.
You gotta--
No, listen to me. You gotta let me bring you in.
No, I--
You gotta let me bring you in to the police.
I won't <u>make</u> it to the police. They won't let me get there. You go.
To the cops?
To the NSA. Make a deal. Tell 'em to stop. Tell 'em I don't have what they're after. Make a deal.
Bobby, you're in way over your head.
Go to 'em, Jerry.
I have a family.
I'm sorry, man.
Bobby? Piece of advice?
Yeah?
Turn yourself in.
Jerry?
Yeah?
It's me, Robert Dean. From Seth, Silverberg. I worked on--
Bobby--
It's been a few years.
Yeah.
I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the <i>main</i> present, it's just, you know, a little--
I need help.
Tell me about it.
How can I reach you?
Are you okay?
Are you still in Crystal City?
Dick Burns got a phone call this morning from someone wanting information on you.
The police?
No. He said they were doing a credit check. Are you refinancing a loan?
You remember Daniel Zavitz?
Yeah.
He got hit by a bus.
What does that have to do with you?
Was Zavitz in trouble?
You think there was a connection to--
What is it you want?
Well we'd sure like to help you.
You would?
Yes. But we can't.
Why not?
What's your opinion?
It's hard to say for certain, these things are--
I'm not asking you to say for certain. This is what you're trained to do, right?
Yes sir.
Then what's your goddam opinion?
Zavitz had digital compression equipment. He could've downloaded into something. A disk, a chip, anything small enough to put in his pocket and run with. Whatever he put it in, he dropped it in that bag.
"I know thy works and thy labour and how thou canst not bear them that are evil. And thou hast tried them who say they are apostles and hast found them to be liars". Revelations II.
What the hell does it mean?
It means who's side are you on?
You didn't ask me to meet you 30 miles from my office for a Bible study class.
It's a bi-partisan issue. Everyone needs to swallow hard. No one, including you, wants to be fingered as the one obstructing efforts to crack down on terrorism, and--
Fuck you.
What?
I said fuck you.
Is that anyway to talk to an old school chum?
You're gonna finger me as soft on terrorism? <i>Terrorism,</i> you unconscionable asshole?
There are planes falling out of the sky, buildings blowing up. <i>American</i> buildings. <i>Americans</i> getting bombs in the mail. What are we gonna do!?
What happened?
He's dead. An accident. Hit by a bus.
What about the tapes?
We found the originals.
The originals?
There was a transfer.
Am I to understand--
He never made it to the newspaper, but there was private sector contact.
Who?
Several indiscriminates and one primary who we've ID'd as Robert Dean. A Crystal City attorney. Mr. Reynolds? Sir?
We'd have to--
He's arrogant and threatening. Voice stress points suggest he's worrying.
Hiding something?
It was in his bag. Now it's not.
30 minutes ago you said we had him. What in hell's goin' on out there?
He had help.
I sit on top of the greatest intelligence gathering organization in human history. Why can't I bring in a man whose name <i>is in the</i> <i><u>fucking</i></u> <i><u>phonebook</i></u>?!
He's clever. He had help.
He's clever? He had help? Oh.
Sir--
No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were hoping to be transferred to a weathership outside Greenland.
I just meant--
We found two sets of latent prints in the rubble of Brill's studio. One was Dean's. The other, we believe, belongs to Brill.
We believe?
Well...his real name's Edward Lyle.
Lyle?!
Yes sir.
You're kidding me.
No sir.
Dean's with Lyle.
And they have the video. That's confirmed.
So they know everything.
If they've looked at the video.
Oh, let's assume that they have.
If he's with Lyle it means he's got resources.
What about--
We don't know.
Jones had to flee the scene before we could locate the second body.
What about the tape?
We think it was on Brill. If it was, it's destroyed now.
Found him. Kent Island nailed the call five minutes ago. He's stationary.
Do you have visual?
Not yet. He's near "M" and 34th. I've got an ELSUR unit on the scene now. A residential building. Twelve units.
What's your ETA?
Three minutes. We're going in light. Myself and two others. Everyone else is held back in reserve.
Yes?
Federal Express for 'Zavitz'.
Federal Express?
For Daniel Zavitz. I just need a signature.
How'd you get in the building?
We're not stupid, Reynolds.
The fuck do you have goin' on with Sam Albert?
This guy's carrying the <u>flag</u> for the damn terrorism bill. You think this is the best time to piss him off?
You have any idea what kind of position this--
It was pulsing on your SAT frequencies.
Yes?
Puffed cheese?
No thank you.
I also have tiny pizzas and mushrooms stuffed with--
Do I look like I want a tiny pizza?
No.
Then let's assume I don't.
Now is that clear?
Thank you.
I wanted to meet a man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.
Isn't Zerzura supposed to be protected by spirits who take on the shape of sandstorms?
I can't sing. but I can tell a story. I might need a prompt. Do you have your Herodotus? I've noticed you carry it
Daskylus
How much did you pay?
Hello! Good morning.
They don't see foreign women in this market. How much did you pay?
Seven pounds, eight, I suppose. Why?
Which stall?
Excuse me?
You've been cheated, don't worry, we'll take it back.
I don't want to go back.
This is not worth eight pounds, Mrs. Clifton.
I don't care to bargain.
That insults them.
I don't believe that. I think you are insulted by me, somehow. You're a foreigner too, aren't you, here, in this market?
I should be very happy to obtain the correct price for this. I apologize if I appear abrupt. I am rusty at social graces. How do you find Cairo? Did you visit the Pyramids?
Why did you follow me yesterday?
Excuse me?
After the market, you followed me to the hotel.
I was concerned. As I said, women in that part of Cairo, a European women, I felt obliged to.
You felt obliged to.
As the wife of one of our party.
This is an incredible story - about a man hunting an Ostrich, he's been telling me about Zerzura, he thinks he's been there, but his map, the route he's describing, he couldn't survive the journey now, but he's a poet, so his map is poetry - and now we're onto an Ostrich. I'm telling her your map is poetry. The Arab shrugs.
What do you mean, poetry?
A mountain curved like a woman's back, a plateau the shape of an ear.
Sounds perfectly clear. Where does the Ostrich come in?
What is he saying? Come on, what did he say?
He said - be careful.
Be careful? You mean you - or me? Who?
Actually, you sing.
Pardon?
You sing. All the time.
I do not.
What's this?
I thought you might paste them into your book.
We took several photographs, there's no need.
I'd like you to have them.
There's really no need. This is just a scrapbook. I should feel obliged. Thank you.
You should come into the shelter.
I'm quite all right, thank you.
What am I looking at?
See what's happening to them - the stars.
They're so untidy. I'm just trying to rearrange them.
This is not very good, is it?
No.
Shall we be all right?
Yes. Absolutely.
- there is the Harmattan, a red wind. Which Mariners called the sea of darkness. Red sand from this wind has flown as far as the south coast of England, producing showers so dense they were mistaken for blood. Almasy checks to see if Katharine is still awake.
Fiction. We had a house on that coast and it never rained blood. Go on. More.
Madox will have calculated how many miles, they'll soon turn around.
Could I ask you, please, to paste you paintings into my book? I should like to have them. I should be honored.
Of course. Is it, am I a terrible coward to ask how much water we have?
Water? Yes, we have water, we have a little in our can, we have water in the radiator which can be drunk. Not at all cowardly, extremely practical. Come on, come on! There's also a plant - I've never seen it but I'm told you can cut a piece the size of a heart from this plant and the next day it will be
Geoffrey's not in Cairo. He's not actually a buffoon. And the plane wasn't a wedding present. It belongs to the British Government. They want aerial maps of the whole North Africa. So I think he's in Ethiopia. In case you were counting on his sudden appearance.
And the marriage - is that a fiction?
Do they know them?
Will you not come in?
No.
Will you please come in?
Mrs. Clifton - Katharine turns, disgusted.
Don't.
I'm impressed you can sew.
Good.
You sew very badly.
You don't sew at all!
A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she should never admit to it. Close your eyes.
When were you most happy?
Now.
When were you least happy?
Now.
Okay. And what do you love? Say everything.
What else?
Marmite - addicted! Baths - not with other people! Islands. Your handwriting. I could go on all day. My husband. Almásy nods.
What do you hate most?
A lie. What do you hate most?
Say you're sick.
What? No!
Say you're feeling faint - the sun.
No.
I can still taste you.
This is empty, just coming!
This is - what is this?
It's a folk song.
Arabic?
No, no, it's Hungarian. My daijka sang it to me.
It's beautiful. What's it about?
Ouch! See - you're always beating me..!
This - what's it called? - this place, I love it - this is mine! I'm asking the King permission to call it the Almasy Bosphorous.
Madox knows, I think. He's tried to warn me. He keeps talking about Anna Karenina. I think it's his idea of a man-to-man chat. Its my idea of a man-to-man chat.
This is a different world - is what I tell myself. A different life. And here I am a different wife.
I don't care to bargain. It's full of saffron, just in case you think I'm giving it to you to encourage your sewing.
That day, had you followed me to the market?
Of course. You didn't need to slap my face to make me feel as if you'd slapped my face.
Shall we be all right?
I'd better get back. Say goodbye here.
I just know - any minute he'll find out, we'll barge into somebody we'll - and it will ill him.
I just wanted you to know. I'm not missing you yet. She nods, can't find this funny.
Why did you hold his collar?
What?
What? What? That boy, that little boy, you were holding his collar, gripping his collar, what for?
Would you let me pass?
Is he next? Do you drag him into your little room? Where is it? Is this it?
Don't do this.
I've watched you - on verandahs, at Garden Parties, at the Races - how can you stand there? How can you ever smile? As if your life hadn't capsized?
You know why? He tries to hold her. She resists
Dance with me.
No.
Dance with me. I want to touch you. I want the things which are mine. Which belong to me.
Katharine! Oh dear God, Katharine - what are you doing here?
Why did he bring you?
Please don't move me. It hurts too much.
We've got to get you out of here.
It hurts too much.
Why did you hate me?
What?
Don't you know you drove everybody mad?
Don't talk.
You're wearing the thimble.
It's so cold.
I know. I'm sorry. I'll make a fire. I'll be back.
Don't leave me!
Shall we be all right?
Yes. Absolutely.
Oh dear.
Do you promise? I wouldn't want to die here. I wouldn't want to die in the desert. I've always had a rather elaborate funeral in mind, with particular hymns. Very English. And I know exactly where I want to be buried. In our garden. Where I grew up. With a view of the sea. So promise me you'll come back for you.
And a good read. Don't waste it.
Thank you. Will you bury Geoffrey? I know he's dead.
I'm sorry, Katharine.
I know.
Tell me about your garden.
A broken car?
Uxoriousness - that's my favorite kind of love. Excessive love of one's wife.
What kind of photographs?
Safe journey.
You too. Good luck!
Clifton - your wife - do you think it's appropriate to leave her?
Appropriate?
I think the desert is, it's - for a woman - it's very tough, I wonder if it's not too much for her.
Are you mad? Katharine loves it here. She told me yesterday.
All the same, I, were I you I would be concerned -
I've known Katharine since she was three, my aunt is her aunt, we were practically brother and sister before we were man and wife. I think I'd know what is and what isn't too much for her. I think she's know herself.
Very well.
Have you seen Katharine?
What?
It's Geoffrey under this.
Oops! Mustn't say International. Dirty word. Filthy word. His Majesty! Die Führer! Il Duce.
Sorry, what's your point?
Good morning!
Could I trouble you for some water?
Yes, of course. So, golly, where have you come from?
I desperately need a jeep. There's been an accident.
I see.
No, I'm not thinking clearly - I need a doctor too, to come with me, can I take this vehicle? I'll pay, of course - and some morphine and Seventy miles - I can be back here by dusk.
Do you have your papers, sir?
What?
If I could just see some identification.
Am I not talking sense? - forgive me, I'm, I've been walking, I've - there's a woman badly injured at Gilf Kebir, in the Cave of Swimmers. I am a member of the Royal Geographical Society.
Right. And what's your name, sir?
Count Laszlo de Almásy. The Officer is writing this down. A glance at his Corporal.
Almásy - would you mind just spelling that for me? What nationality would that be?
Look, listen to me. A woman is dying - my wife! - is dying seventy miles from here. I have been walking for three days! I don't want to spell my name, I want you to give me this jeep!
I understand you are agitated - perhaps you would like to sit down while I radio back to HQ -
What did you think you were doing in his tent?
Looking for the fossils. Why should we wait until we're in London? This girl was probably twelve years old.
You shouldn't go into another man's tent. It's inexcusable.
Her hands and feet were tied.
What did you do?
I looked at them. They're shrubs, small trees. Exquisite. And fossilized, rock hard. He walks away to the nose of the plane.
I was talking about the girl.
I'll be back as quick as I can. Thirty-six hours at the outside.
Try to get a second radiator, we'll bury it between here and the Pottery Hill. And a better jack. We planned badly.
And I'm telling you there's nothing there to explore.
No, because you can't see from the air! If you could explore from the air life would be very simple! Look! What is that? Is that a wadi? That whole spur is a real possibility
Which we've overflown twice.
And where are the Expedition Maps?
In my room.
Those maps belong to His Majesty's Government. They're confidential. They shouldn't be left lying around for any Tom, Dick or Mary to have sight of.
What's the matter with you?
Why do they care about our maps?
What do we find in the desert? Arrow heads, spears. In a war, if you own the desert, you own North Africa.
I believe I'm rather late.
Look, either shut up, or go home.
Had a letter from my wife. The wisteria is still out, which I'm looking forward to. She says Dorset is gripped with Invasion Fever. Wrong coast I should have thought, still
Right.
Bermann thinks he'll be interned, poor fellow. I'm going to do what I can, but And D'Ag turns out to be a great admirer of Mussolini. So now you can say I told you so.
I told you so.
We didn't care about countries. Did we? Brits, Arabs, Hungarians, Germans. None of that mattered, did it? It was something finer than that.
Yes. It was. Thanks for the compass. I'll look after it for you.
When's Clifton picking you up?
Tomorrow afternoon. Don't worry. I'll be ready.
I have to teach myself not to read too much into everything. Comes of too long having to read so much into hardly anything at all.
Goodbye, my friend. They shake hands.
May God make safety your companion.
Hey! Hey! Stop this jeep! Let me out of here - there's a woman dying, there's a woman dying while I'm - Hey!
Shut-up!
Please - I beg you, I beg you, I beg you, please listen to me, this is a terrible mistake. Just stop, please, and listen to me. My wife is dying.
Listen, Fritz, if I have to listen to another word from you I'll give you a fucking good hiding.
Fritz? What are you talking about? Who's Fritz?
How are you?
Okay.
Your leg will be fine. A lot of shrapnel came out - I saved you the pieces.
No, I'll get you some tea. Wait till you're in Naples. You'll find a girl there.
Just kiss me. It would mean such a lot to me.
Would it? She kisses him, very softly, on the lips.
David Caravaggio.
No.
Petty thief, six months imprisonment Kingston Penitentiary, 1937.
Is this you?
I don't know.
It is you. This was taken in Cairo at British Headquarters - July 41. And so was this - August 41. And this -February 42.
It's impossible. I was buying or selling something. I've been to Cairo many times.
Yes, I've been asking for weeks, a month, I don't know, also my leg was -
We don't have a doctor, but we do have a nurse.
Why is there so much nose? I can't hear myself think! Look - give me something. So we can all get out of this room. A name. A code. It's too hot.
Well, you must know. You were brought up Libya, yes?
Don't cut me.
Or was it Toronto?
Go! Hey! Go! Caravaggio is in terror.
Buon' Giorno! Hana turns, startled and suspicious.
Are you Hana?
What do you want?
I met your friend Mary. She said I should stop and see if you were okay. Apparently we're neighbors - my house is two blocks from yours in Montreal. Cabot, north of Laurier. Bonjour.
They're fresh. I haven't eaten an egg in have you noticed there are chickens? You get chickens in Italy but no eggs. In Africa there were always eggs, but never chickens. Who separates them?
You were in Africa?
Yeah, for a while.
So was my Patient.
I'd like to stay. That's the long and short of it. I mean, you know blah-blah if it's convenient, if there's room blah-blah-blah. I have to do some work here -I speak the language. There are Partisans to be - -we embrace them and see if we can relieve them of their weapons, you know - while we hug. I was a thief, so
So you can shoot a pistol?
No.
If you said yes I would have had a reason. You should let me redress those bandages. Before you go.
I'm okay. Look, it's a big house. We needn't disturb each other. I can shoot a pistol! I'll sleep in the stables. I don't care where I sleep. I don't sleep.
Because we're fine here. I don't know what Mary told you about me, but I don't need company, I don't need to be looked at.
Supper. Hana calls after him.
Where've you been?
I could help you. I could get you off that.
It's a week. We didn't know where you were - or if you coming back, or -
You should be happy. What were you going to do for him when it ran out? He pulls out more phials from his jacket.
What do you do? What are you doing here?
Hana? Hana? Are you alright?
Don't touch me if you're going to try and fuck me.
You have to protect yourself from sadness. This is the thing I've learned. You're in love with him, aren't you? Your patient. Do you think he's a saint or something? Because of the way he looks? I don't think he is.
I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with ghosts. And so is he. He's in love with ghosts.
Who are his ghosts?
Ask him.
What if I told you he did this to me?
What? How could he have? When?
I'm one of his ghosts and he wouldn't even know. It's like he slammed a door in Cairo and it trapped my fucking hands in Tobruk.
I don't know what that means.
Ask him. Ask your saint who he is. Ask him who he's killed.
Where did you find that?
I liberated it.
I think that's called looting.
Well, then ask him his name!
Buon' giorno.
She can take you as far as Florence.
Hello.
Thief, I think, is more accurate.
I understand you were in Africa. Whereabouts?
Oh, all over.
I think anybody she ever loves tends to die on her.
Are you planning to be the exception?
Me? You've got the wrong end of the stick, old boy. So - Caravaggio - Hana thinks you invented your name.
And you've forgotten yours.
I told her you would never invent such a preposterous name.
Are you outside? A beat and then Caravaggio shuffles in. Like an old boxer.
I can't hide anymore. I breathe like a dog. I lose my balance. Stealing's got harder. Caravaggio stares at the Herodotus.
Why do I feel if I had your book I would know everything?
Is it you? If I said Moose I look different, fuck, why shouldn't you?
Moose.
First wedding anniversary - what do you call it?
Thought you'd never wake up!
Irving Berlin.
For?
Top Hat.
Have a drink.
I've had a drink. Fatal.
Well, anything you do is likely to be fatal, so you know -
What? You and Madox? Or you and Katharine Clifton?
Hana tells me you're leaving.
There are going to be trials, they want me to interpret, don't they know I'm allergic to courtrooms?
So, I come across the Hospital Convoy I was looking for this stuff, and some nurse, Mary, Hana's friend, tells me about you and Hana, hiding in a monastery, in purdah, whatever it is - retreat - how you'd come in from the Desert and you were burned and you didn't know your name but you knew the words to every song there was
Me?
I'd seen you writing in that book. At the Embassy in Cairo, when I had thumbs and you had a face. And a name.
I see.
Before you went over to the Germans, before you got Rommel's spy across the desert and inside British headquarters. He took some pretty good photographs - I saw mine in that torture room in Tobruk, so they made an impression.
And you thought you'd come and settle the score?
You were the only man who knew the desert well enough, the only man who would cross seventeen hundred miles of nothing.
I had to get back to the desert. I made a promise. The rest meant nothing to me.
What did you say?
The rest meant nothing to me.
There was a result to what you did. It wasn't just another expedition. It did this. If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died.
Thousands of people did die, just different people.
But you were among the British, they were your friends - why betray them?
And did you never see Katharine? You never got back to the Cave?
You get to the morning and the poison leaks away, doesn't it? Black nights, fucking black nights, when you want to howl like a dog. I thought I would kill you. You killed my friends, you ruined my hands. But the girl was always here, like some Guardian Angel.
You can't kill me. I died years ago.
But then the Queen looked up and saw Gyges concealed in the shadows. And though she said nothing, she shuddered. The next day she sent for Gyges and challenged him. And hearing his story, she said this -
The team is in mourning, darling.
I was just saying, I'm going to cable Downing Street, see if I can't stir up a few shillings - Katharine's mother and the PM's wife are best -
Darling, for goodness' sake!
Why do you think? About my staying?
Well look, if nobody minds, truly, then I suppose - I shall, of course, be bereft
Oh.
Darling, I just heard. You poor sausage, are you all right?
I'm fine. I got hot.
Lady H said she thought you might be -
I'm not pregnant. I'm hot. I'm too hot.
Right.
Aren't you?
Sweltering. Come on, I'll take you home.
Can't we really go home? I can't breathe. Aren't you dying for green, anything green, or rain, wouldn't you die to feel rain on your face? It's Christmas and it's all - I don't know - if you asked me I'd go home tomorrow. If you wanted.
Sweetheart, you know we can't go home, there might be a war.
Geoffrey, you do so love putting on a disguise.
I do so love you. What do you smell of?
What?
Marvelous plane. Did you look?
Isn't it? Wedding present from Katharine's parents. I'm calling it Rupert Bear. Hello. Geoffrey Clifton.
I think you know all of us, except for Geoffrey and Katharine Clifton, who've recently come out from England.
Apprentices.
Of course. Well, we should all go out onto the terrace.
Oh no, really. She has her book.
Good heavens, are you married, Madox?
And a special thank you to Geoffrey and Katharine, without whose fund raising heroics we should still be kicking our heels. They toast the Cliftons.
To arm-twisting.
Did Katharine say? - Geoffrey has to fly back to Cairo.
There was a Prince, who was dying, and he was carried up the tower at Pisa so he could die with a view of the Tuscan Hills. Am I that Prince? Hana laughs.
What was all the banging? Were you fighting rats or the entire German army?
Before you find too many uses for these books would you read some to me?
I think they're all in Italian, but I'll look, yes. What about your own book?
Oh - I've found plums. We have plums in the orchard. We have an orchard! She has peeled a plum and now slips it into his mouth.
I will hide you in the room where we sleep, said Candaules. She stumbles over the word.
Candaules
Candaules you're laughing at me.
I'm not laughing at you. Go on, please.
Are you asleep?
I should try and move your bed. I want you to be able to see the view. It's good, it's a view from a monastery.
I can already see.
How? How can you see anything?
Not the window - I can't bear the light anyway - no, I can see all the way to the desert. I've found the lost fossils.
Zerzura, the White City of Acacias, the Oasis of Little Birds. As me about the scent of acacia - it's in this room. I can smell it. The taste of tea so black it falls into your mouth. I can taste it. I'm chewing the mint. Is there sand in my eyes? Are you cleaning sand from my ears?
No sand. That's your drugs speaking.
I can see my wife in that view.
Are you remembering more?
Could I have a cigarette?
Are you crazy?
Why are you so determined to keep me alive?
There's a man downstairs. He brought us eggs. He might stay.
Why? Can he lay eggs?
He's Canadian.
Why are people always so happy when they collide with someone from the same place? What happened in Montreal when you passed a man in the street - did you invite him to live with you?
He needn't disturb you.
Me? He can't. I'm already disturbed.
Excuse me -
Yes?
Can I ask - my friend, can he come in? Just for a few minutes?
Your friend?
He's going back to the front this evening. I can't see him otherwise.
Just go off. I'll be quite all right.
No, I can't go, but if it, if you weren't offended, it would be very good of you to allow us - every other cabin is crammed. This is as private as we'll get.
Well then - yes. Of course.
This is Captain McGann.
Something smells so rich. My stomach is heaving -
He came back, he says he caught a rabbit. I'm cooking it.
That's a different dress.
He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know him? Do you recognize him?
Could I ask you to move? I'm sorry - but when you turn, the sheets, I can't really bear the sheets moving over me. Sorry.
Tell me about this, this is in your handwriting - December 22nd - Betrayals in war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace. New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything - for the heart is an organ of fire I love that, I believe that. Who is K?
He wants us to move out, says there could be fifty more mines in the building. He thinks I'm mad because I laughed at him. He's Indian, he wears a turban.
I'll probably marry him.
Really? That's sudden.
I liked it better when there were just the two of us.
Why? Is he staying?
With his Sergeant. A Mr. Hardy.
We should charge! Doesn't anyone have a job to do?
They have to clear all the local roads of mines. That's a big job. They won't stay in the house. They're putting up their tent in the garden.
Good morning. Did you know that? You're always singing?
I've been told that before.
Arguing about books.
You like him, don't you? Your voice changes.
I don't think it does. Anyway, he's indifferent to me.
Hana was just telling me that you were indifferent -
Hey! -
I'm still here.
You'd better be.
Why don't you go? You should sleep.
Who knows the Bosphorus Hug?
Never heard of it.
There's meant to be lace in the next village - the boys are taking me.
I'm not sewing anything else.
You don't have any money, do you? Just in case there's silk.
No!
I'm not sewing anything else for you!
Where's your Stuart from? Somewhere near there, isn't it?
Excuse me. Yes? I don't have the key to that door.
The Germans were here. The Germans were all over this area. They left mines everywhere. Pianos were their favorite hiding places.
I see. Then may be you're safe as long as you only play Bach. He's German. Kip is looking around the piano. Hana giggles.
Is something funny?
No, but, no, not at all. I'm sorry. You came to the doors, that's all and - - such good manners for someone worried about mines. That's all.
I've met you before.
Try this. I found a great jar of it. Olive oil. In Naples this was so precious it would have bought you a wife.
For my hair?
I'll get another tin. Hana and the Patient are alone.
It's okay - I'll help. Please.
The mines, the wires, there's a trick. Some explode if you stretch the wires, some if you cut them.
What do I do?
There's a mine here, but the others are far enough away, I think at least to give me a chance. I have to work out which one to cut before I fall over.
So I follow the wires?
You get Hardy.
Why would anyone do this?
What is this business with you and explosives? Do you think you're immune?
I promise you that was the right thing to do. He's my good luck. Now cut. This one. I hope we don't die.
Okay. Get away from here. Quick.
I'm not scared. So many people have died around me. But I would be a shame for us. I don't feel like being shy.
You must get away. Before I cut. I'm not cutting if you're here. He's struggling. He's going to topple over if he cuts.
Actually, you can't cut, can you? You'll fall over. Give me the pliers.
No. But he hands them over.
Kiss me. Before I cut. Just in case.
Don't go. I'm frightened. I can love a coward, I can't love another dead man.
Kip - come and dance with me
I was thinking yesterday - yesterday! - the Patient, Hardy: they're everything that's good about England. I couldn't even say what that was. We didn't exchange two personal words, and we've been together through some terrible things, some - he was engaged to a girl in the village! - I mean - and us - he never once He didn't ask me if I
If one night I didn't come to the tent, what would you do?
I try not to expect you.
But if it got late and I hadn't shown up?
Then I'd think there must be a reason.
What are you up to?
That gun at Lahor, Kipling's cannon - Zamzammah - remember? That was made out of the metal of ordinary things. I want to make an ordinary thing out of guns. His bayonet is thrust into the forge. It's red hot.
When I went to England I was amazed at what went on, the waste - I'd been taught to re-use everything, the dung from a cow to cool a radiator, a fork to fix a typewriter - India could live for a hundred years on what I saw thrown away.
I should go to the house, get breakfast.
This is hot!
Will you come with me?
Of course. When?
I mean home. India.
Kip I -
I know - here I am always a brown man, there you would be always a white woman.
Is that what you think? Is that what you think I think?
It's what I've learned.
I've clung to you. I've clung to you. Kip. Life a raft.
I'll always go back to that church. Look at my painting.
I'll always go back to that church.
The war's over - you told me yourself. How can it be desertion?
It's not over everywhere. I didn't mean literally.
It's not safe here. The whole country's crawling with Bandits and Germans and God knows what. It's madness. I can't allow it. You're not, this is natural - it's shock. For all of us. Hana -
I need morphine. A lot. And a pistol.
And what if he really is a spy?
He can't even move.
Why Picton?
Third Canadian Fusiliers.
He's gone, hasn't he?
No. He's - no.
Hello.
Hello miss.
I was going to say - if you want to eat with us, ever you and Lieutenant Singh
Very kind of you, we can always eat in the town with the others -
Since Caravaggio turned up - food seems to appear, so please.
I'll ask the Lieutenant. But thank you.
You saved my life. I haven't forgotten. I thought you were very very tall. You seemed to big - a Giant - and I felt like a child who can't keep her balance.
I was looking for the Lieutenant Singh.
He's sleeping.
Only we have to go to work.
I'll tell him. What is it? Is it a mine?
A bomb. At the Viaduct. She closes the door, then reappears.
Does he have to go?
Pardon me?
Whoa - give me a chance!
I've got a surprise. A boat! We can go to Capri. It's got a cabin, it's private.
I'd like to spend a night with you in a bed.
You've got a mustache.
A bit of one.
I was looking forward to this evening.
I had a hotel room.
I thought that was for when we were very very old?
Hey! Hey! Stop! Hey!
What's happening? Am I needed?
You've got to cut, sir, that frost won't last.
Go away.
Yessir.
Your book. Your Herodotus! Almásy looks uncomfortable.
Mrs. Clifton, you'll have to forgive us. We're not accustomed to the company of women.
I'm afraid we're not having much luck obtaining funds for the expedition.
How awful. What will you do?
Darling, Peter says I could stay
Certainly not.
Katharine!
You should sit down, darling. She's quite all right. Are you pregnant?
I don't think so.
How romantic. With Fiona I fell over every five minutes. Ronnie Christened me Lady Downfall.
I think I might go inside and sit down for a few minutes.
I'll come with you.
Brick platform opposite the old Ajaib-Gher -
- The Wonder House comma as the natives called the Lahore Museum.
It's still there, the cannon, outside the museum. It was made of metal cups and bowls taken from every household in the city as tax, then melted down. Then later they fired the cannon at my people - comma - The natives.
So what do you really object to - the writer or what he's writing about?
What I really object to, Uncle, is your finishing all my condensed milk. And the message everywhere in your book - however slowly I read it - that the best destiny for India is to be ruled by the British.
This is wonderful!
Kip?
I looked up to you, Uncle. My brother always said I was a fool. Never trust the British, he said: the deal-makers, the map-makers; never shake hands with them.
What are you talking about?
They're excited! They're happy about destroying a whole city. Would they do that to a White Man's City? Never!
What about your rank or serial number?
Am I being interrogated? You should be trying to trick me. Ask me about Tottenham Hotspur. Or Buckingham Palace. About Marmite - I was addicted. Or make me speak German, which I can, by the way.
Why? Are you German?
No.
How do you know you're not German if you don't remember anything?
You tell me. I remember a lot of things. I remember a garden, plunging down to the sea - the Devil's Chimney we called it - and there was a cottage at the bottom, right on the shore, nothing between you and France.
This was your garden?
Or my wife's.
Then you were married?
Where were you? I called at 4:30 this morning.
You didn't answer the beeper either.
I hardly knew the guy. Why be impolite to strangers?
I don't recall authorizing you to have a personal life.
A thief this good could handle the sensors in the rooms. What we don't get is how he effectuated his entry.
Through a window.
The windows don't open.
So he popped the pane?
That's great if you're a computer. In the real world that pane weighs 200 pounds. The building's 600 feet high.
He unscrewed the bolts, reset them on rollers, then slid the whole frame away. No more effort than it takes to vacuum a floor.
You ordering chop suey again?
Meaning--
And the draft blew over the flowers.
Mac's signature.
Give me a break. Remember Manzini? When he stole Montezuma's scepter he left a Pepto Bismal bottle. The best ones always copy Mac.
You're saying the thief wants us to think it's Mac but it's really not.
They've never caught him before, what makes you think they'll catch him now?
You got a better idea?
We've got to catch him in the act.
Why didn't I think of that?
It's not the thinking of it, it's the doing it.
I've been following this guy for years. I'm your best shot.
How would you approach him? Hello, Mr. MacDougal, I'm Gin, would you steal a painting with me?
That's doable.
And a target guaranteed to catch his interest.
You don't call, you don't write.
This was my first excuse to get away. I can't exactly use my cell phone.
Yeah yeah yeah. What's the status?
We're getting close.
How close?
I don't know, but close.
This is dangerous. I'm sending backup.
You, want to blow the whole thing, go right ahead.
Don't overestimate yourself.
Look, trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Where are you at least?
Gin? Where the hell are you?
I'm in the middle.
In the middle? You've got the Mask, why don't we have him?
He's on to something bigger.
Listen to me. Whatever you're doing, stop. Pull out.
Too late now.
Tell me where you are, or just leave the line open so I can trace you.
I have a question...
Who am I?
Why are we speaking Chinese?
Uh. I'm showing off.
A billion people speak Chinese. Don't be too impressed with yourself. As for that scroll, I can resell it for double. In 30 minutes.
No you can't.
I can't?
How about if I try humility.
Mr. MacDougal.
I'm sorry about the scroll, but sometimes you have to lose to win.
Where did you hear that, one of those American talk shows? Check, please.
I don't want to waste your time.
Then don't.
Believe me, if you weren't so tiresome, I'd have one for you.
You have a car?
Uh, yes.
Seems I am.
I'll call an ambulance.
You disappeared.
You seemed to be handling everything quite nicely.
Are you...okay?
It was only a scratch. Far more damaging to my trousers than to me.
I don't care about the damned car. My luggage's been stolen.
Yes. But they don't have a clue. Why would anyone steal my luggage?
Maybe the thief thought you had something valuable. You are in the business, that's what Roki says.
Like I would have art in my suitcase.
Of course you wouldn't. The Rembrandt wouldn't fit.
I've got something...
You're not taking me seriously.
I didn't expect you to be so...
So what?
Do you mind?
You...you can't.
You're shaking. Are you nervous?
No. Why would I be?
I've got something for you.
And I thought we were getting on so well.
We were, we are, but this is perfect for you.
Are you under the impression that now I'm in some way obligated to you?
Well, no...but...
For God's sake.
The Empress Death Mask.
Somewhat better than that temple scroll you were bidding on.
That old pirate Chiang Kai Shek personally took this to Taiwan when he was run out of China in 1949. Peking would dearly love to have this back...
I suspected it might be worthy of your interest.
I know.
But Roki said--
Roki has a vivid imagination.
Besides, if I lacked certain ethical scruples about the ownership of property--which I do not--I wouldn't need a partner, much less a callow girl. I'd do it myself.
You can't.
Oh?
We going somewhere?
Possibly.
Maybe I should drive this time.
Very nice.
You want me to pick up a painting?
Quite a good one. A Monet. Not major, but it is Giverney.
I'm not here to run errands. I'm here for the Mask.
It's a test.
Fine. What do I do?
How much am I paying?
It's a fake.
Give him the card.
But--
I'm telling you it's a forgery. The paint's still wet for God's sake.
A film case.
He says they turned the card down.
Damn, I knew I forgot something.
What the hell do I do now?
What the hell was that?
Not bad. I didn't expect you to make it out.
Motorcycle.
It's one way.
We're going to die, aren't we...
What about your bags?
Those are my clothes.
You stole my luggage? You--
I'm a thief. Sue me.
That's entrapment.
I don't believe this.
What's your problem? I'm doing the job.
What's my problem? You want a list?
Lose something?
I'm just curious what sort of security system you'd have in your own house.
And--
I'm impressed. Can't spot a thing.
Nothing? You don't even lock the door?
Why are we in separate--you know, separate rooms?
You're late.
And good morning.
Good morning.
Nice spot.
I know it well.
As I recall, you've robbed it before.
Years ago, if memory serves. When does the exhibit end?
Only a week?
They're having a farewell party the last night. Before the Mask goes back to Taiwan.
So the Duke dug a tunnel--just in case. They made the lake a hundred years later. Flooded the tunnel.
We? Are you implying that I'm taking you inside?
We're doing this together. We're partners.
I go in alone.
Pack up. I'll see you get back to London.
Look, I can help. You need a sensor expert. You've got one.
You don't have any idea how lucky you are!
A lifelong problem, I'm afraid.
Nice try. Everyone thinks I did.
That's because I wanted them to!
I wondered who'd been giving me a bad name.
I drilled the bolts and went in through the window. It was the only way to bypass the smart glass.
True enough.
The Rembrandt--that was quite good.
Someone was expecting that.
I'll need that.
No one <u>needs</u> anything except food and shelter. The rest we just want.
Don't worry, I can get rid of this. No trace. And I'll even go fifty fifty, we're partners aren't we?
On what? Another job?
We get the Mask I'll tell you.
A partner with secrets isn't much of a partner.
Without the Mask it doesn't matter.
So the Mask is part of the down payment too. Must be a really big job.
So you're testing <u>me</u> now?
Why don't we take oxygen?
Let's do it again.
Did I hear a car?
Our equipment has arrived.
All this, this is a woman's version of what you would like.
I didn't mean to get personal.
So how long to pop the floor?
Twenty four seconds--as long as it takes the clock to strike twelve.
And you've checked the ram to be sure it's synchronized with the clock.
A dozen times.
Got it.
Charged?
That's it. We're ready.
I trust it's your size.
You bought this for me?
Thank you.
No, no, I want to. I'll just go into the village.
Won't take any time.
Certainly the most beautiful crook I've ever seen.
Aren't we early?
To us. To the Mask.
You're nervous again.
When I was a girl my father took me to the edge of El Capitan. Three thousand feet of granite. Straight down. I was so scared my mouth was full of cotton. I couldn't talk, just stood there shivering...like this.
You were afraid of heights?
Terrified. Still am.
How in the devil did you do the Rembrandt then?
I had a lifeline. If I've got a lifeline, I'm okay.
Aren't we all.
He wasn't.
So you had to be your own lifeline.
And--
Camera in the--
Bookshelf. Sensors--
Popup, on floorboards. And--
We're working.
It's a party.
One, two, three...
Don't turn. I'm counting the steps to the entrance.
These rooms are solid stone. They haven't changed.
You can't be too careful.
Ready?
Can you see the other PIRs?
They moved it.
Be careful not to break the laser beams.
Careful...careful.
We did it.
Now's when you tell me who you really are.
You're playing both sides of the street. You're going to keep the Mask and turn me in.
Okay, you're a thief.
Yes. Yes.
STOP! You're making...mistake.
It's your mistake.
The big job.
What?
Your share.
We're living history here.
I like banks. That's where the money is.
If you want a partner, I think you should recalculate the split.
No, really, it's your plan, you should get at least 30 per cent--
My eighty, your twenty, smart guy--
Come on, what can you do with six billion you can't do with four?
Hmmm...44 long.
You've got everything planned.
I'll need the Rembrandt now.
Sure, it's only worth 25 million or so, don't bother telling me what you're going to do with it.
Insidious thing, wondering if your partner...has another partner.
Okay, look, I'm delivering this to a man who's going to give us the key to our job. But it's pointless to try to explain it yet. You just have to trust me. I don't have any more secrets.
Idle hands, the devil's workshop.
The Mask. Where is it?
Do you know what you've done!? Do you know?
Oh my god, I thought--
What about the rules?
Well...What are we doing?
Currency data so we can do optimum conversions at the moment of transfer.
Transfer.
The eight billion. From them to us.
What's that?
Peoples China Bank.
It's taken me five years at Webber Insurance, nights, weekends, every spare minute, to make this CD. It has all the necessary instructions and confirmation codes to tell their computer to transfer reasonably modest sums out of thousands of those accounts, two, or three million at a crack. Total, eight billion and change.
And the money goes--
Every wire transfer gets rocketed through a series of multiple switches. As soon as each deposit lands somewhere, it's shot somewhere else. It ends up so clean the Mafia couldn't find it.
But those instructions, they're recorded in the computer.
Nope. The CD instructs the computer to replace those instructions with an innocuous loan coded XJ-6.
A parting gift from the Empire.
The oscilloscope's already programmed.
Got it.
Then the vault, how to get in the vault, that's stumping me.
That's where the Mask comes in.
So how long till we do this?
You can't be serious.
That's the beauty of it. There's only one tiny window of time when this will work. At the handover of Hong Kong--from Britain to China. The handover from them to us.
You're out of your mind. We can't do a job like this with no rehearsal.
There's no way to practice this. And no time. Besides, I've planned it all. There aren't any surprises.
There's always a surprise.
I've covered everything. And you're the best, so--
You're overestimating yourself again. What's worse, this time you're overestimating me.
Look, there's a video security system to bypass, that's the only hard part. You've done that a dozen times.
For God's sake, the only way I can get from one elevator to the other is to jump.
How do I look?
Access codes to the vault are changed daily, passwords for our computer on the hour...
Can't be too careful.
Two men in the world don't need passwords or codes. Their retinas will scan to unlock everything. one of those two men is the chairman of the bank.
Pulse detectors.
Charged.
Parachute.
Done. And I assume you have the magic CD- ROM?
No way to take another day or two?
You shouldn't have.
Can't break tradition. It's bad luck.
You have something in mind?
That was a lifetime ago.
It was wrong to deceive you.
But would you--would you--
Of course not. It was just a negotiating ploy.
Nothing like fear of drowning to focus your attention.
So what are you going to do with your share?
Oh, I don't care about the money.
Four billion dollars.
Seen one billion, seen them all.
That's because you grew up rich.
Not for me.
I'm going to disappear. I die in a car crash in Taiwan. Very easy to do.
They drive so recklessly there.
The sign of our partnership.
And when, eventually, everyone discovers what transaction XJ6 was really about...
China will think it happened before midnight. Britain will swear it happened after midnight...
Jesus God, it's going through.
Relax, don't jam it...
Don't panic, now, there's no rush...
MOVE IT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING F...
The disc is still in there.
The door's the only way out!
Jesus.
Come on.
No way.
Hang on.
I cannot get rid of you.
Put this on!
What's wrong.
Take the airport subway, but change at Jordan Station for Kowloon Tong.
But--
It's only ninety seconds up the line. You're on a connection to a trans Siberian express.
You have the right to remain silent. But anything you say may be taken down in evidence and used against you--
--You're a cop.
He looks familiar.
They've been on to you all along. Knew you had a big job going.
You gave them the eight billion.
A true master. Classic, yet extremely sexual, don't you think?
We need to make the trade tomorrow.
Always in a rush.
You should know, when I come back here with the Mask--if anything goes wrong, a detailed description of everything you've done goes to the PRC.
Gin, really.
I'm not real big on collecting banged up Ferraris at airports.
They work off the O2 tank just like the slice pack.
Which is--
In the van.
Tina was a wonderful woman.
I'd give you a hand but it wouldn't look good.
Yeah, the lord of the manor doesn't haul his own groceries.
The porta power...comm kits...got the IR/Thermo camera?
Had to get a liquid plasma screen.
The key to success is using the right tools.
You're not the one trying to get all this shit. You think they've just got a Crooks R Us on every corner?
We're going to need a vacuum with a battery pack for the dust. The air filters might be wired. And a bypass hose for the AC.
Sure wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.
If we don't bypass it, the temperature in the Mask room will change and set off the alarm. That would be inconvenient.
Inconvenient is trying to find a pulsing laser with magic arms in two days.
We might not want to cash in our chips just yet. She has another job after this one. A big one.
This is big enough.
Let me ask you, this Mask, when they made it--was the old bitch dead or alive?
Right.
Because I never assume anything.
I need you to get one more thing for me. A dress, elegant but sexy, something Grace Kelly would wear. Maybe a Balenciaga.
That's it, I sure as hell ain't no personal shopper.
I'd say she's a size 6 who wears a size 4.
Oh, it is.
I said a masked ball, not a costume party.
How the hell I'm supposed to know the damn difference?
You look like George Washington.
I cannot tell you a goddamned lie. She's selling you a pig in a poke. We better do this tonight.
It's too soon.
The early bird gets the damn worm.
So patience, Thibeau, patience. Trust me.
Remind me why.
You two make quite a couple.
We're supposed to.
You better not be taking on a new partner.
Suspicious, after all these years?
Oh, look at me, darling. I thought this gentleman was a waiter.
You damn well thought wrong.
Tonight your league night?
Doesn't look like much. How come those Commos want it so bad?
It's not just art, it's history. Something you Americans don't care about--because you haven't got any.
This is just show and tell.
I'm waiting for the tell part.
She's calling the shots now.
You're impressed with her, aren't you?
She's good. Give her that. Almost as good as she thinks she is.
My antenna is up, it is fully extended, and I am picking up...what is it? It is, can it be? The boy is in el, u, v.
It's never happened before. What makes you think it's happening now?
You better be keeping your mind on business. It's not just me you got to worry about. I've got some very unpleasant folks looking over my shoulder.
You know where my loyalties lie.
You'll just have to have faith.
Faith is angels dancing on the head of a pin. I got to have trust.
Thirty-five next generation microchips. Copper, not silicon. Value: one million each.
You're giving them to me?
Call it an expression of trust.
Thought you had to use some of these.
Take this mask. It may look like the Empress, but it's not.
I figured that out.
The face decays, the mask doesn't. Art lasts, we don't. That's why art's so valuable. It's a little piece of immortality.
You got a real problem with priorities, you know that?
I really don't think that's a topic on which you have much to offer.
My friend, you always surprise me.
Takes a lot out of you, one like this.
Yes it does.
See you.
Probably not.
... what we do in here is keep track of all the case files. That way, at any time, we can find out a case's status -- where it is in the office, stuff like that. We file 'em all here, alphabetically --
Oh, hell. I'm dyslexic.
Anna? With this real-estate valuing stuff - - could you remind me, cause I'm a little confused about how exactly we do that.
Where've you been?
What the fuck did you do with my stuff?
Um, Erin? Listen. Even though you're not necessarily my favorite person in the world ... ... sometimes you're not half-bad.
250,000?
In terms of land value out in Hinkley, Mr. Masry, we feel it's a more than fair price.
What about in terms of medical expenses? 250,000 doesn't come close to what this family's gonna have to spend on doctors.
I understand they've had a bad run of luck, health-wise, and they have my sympathies. But that's not PG&E's fault.
A million things could have caused those problems. Poor diet, bad genes, irresponsible lifestyle. Our offer is final and more than fair.
Wait a minute -- I thought we were negotiating here.
Mr. Masry, before you go off on some crusade, you might want to remember who it is you're dealing with here. PG&E is a 28- billion dollar corporation.
Tell you what, why don't you go on over to reception, tell them I said Mario should take you to the airport.
Tony Marvin.
Oh, Jesus. Who's responsible for his pain and suffering this time?
His dry cleaners. You want him?
Tequila. From your drug dealer friend.
Carlos isn't a friend; he's a client.
Whoa. Remind me.
Erin Brockovich. Car accident. Not her fault, she says. And she looks like such an honest girl, don't you think?
You shouldn't judge, Brenda.
What the hell is this doing here?
It's those files you asked for.
I didn't mean for you to leave them in the middle of the floor. Jesus. Look at me. What do I have this afternoon?
What's she doing here?
Fax these to this number, okay?
All of 'em?
Seventeen thousand in debt. Whew. Is your ex-husband helping out?
Which one?
There's more than one?
So. You must've been feeling pretty desperate that afternoon.
What? Hey -- <u>he</u> hit <u>me</u>.
So you say.
He came tearing around the corner, out of control --
An ER doctor who spends his days saving lives was the one out of control --
Meningitis? What the hell is meningitis?
It's an inflammation of the spinal cord and part of the brain.
Jesus.
She must be a tough cookie, cause it's a pretty advanced case. I'd say she's been walking around with it for a few weeks now.
How does someone get meningitis?
Usually, in adults, it's from exposure to bacteria or a virus or ...
Hi. Donna Irving?
Yes?
I'm Erin Brockovich, from Masry & Vititoe?
You're a lawyer?
This is a real nice place you got here.
I added air conditioning, put in the pool, made all those pillows by hand ...
Thank you. I think so too. That's why I'm being such a stickler on this house price thing. I don't mean to be a pain in PG&E's backside, especially after all they've done for Hinkley, but I look around here and I think, if they want this place, they're gonna have to pay for it. And I don't just mean pay for the house;
Right.
Cause first you gotta move, then there's decorating, and if the windows aren't the same size, you know -- you're making all new curtains. Honest to God, I don't know if I have the energy. You know, I've been sick. Me and Peter both have.
I know. They're more than a bit unusual. See, two years ago, Pete got Hodgkin's disease. That's a kind of cancer --
Yeah, I'm real sorry to hear that.
Thank you. It's in remission now, thank the Lord, but you never know. And then while that's going on, I end up having to have a hysterectomy. Plus a whole mess of lumps removed from my breasts. All benign so far, but still, no matter how positive you stay, an operation can still take it out of you.
I'll say. Holy moley.
So the whole idea of selling the house -- don't get me wrong, I'd be glad to move to some better place, but if they aren't gonna pay us properly, I just don't see the point.
Are you kidding? With how our lives are, if I start subdividing files, I'll be sunk. I just kept all PG&E correspondence in one place.
Right, but -- I'm sorry, I don't see why you were corresponding with PG&E about it in the first place.
Well, they paid for the doctor's visit.
They did?
You bet. Paid for a check-up for the whole family. And not like with insurance where you pay, then wait a year to be reimbursed, either. They just took care of it. Just like that. We never even saw a bill.
Wow. Why would they do that?
Cause of the chromium.
The what?
What's chromium?
It's a chemical they used over at that compressor station up the road there.
Well, hell, maybe that's why you all have been so sick --
Seems like an awful big coincidence -- your water being messed with and you being so sick.
An on-site monitoring well? That means --
It was right up on the PG&E property over there.
And you say this stuff, this hexavalent chromium -- it's poisonous?
Yeah.
Well -- then it's gotta be a different than what's in our water, cause ours is okay. The guys from PG&E told me. They sat right in the kitchen and said it was fine.
No. Hunh-uh, see, that's not what the doctor said. He said one's got absolutely nothing to do with the other.
Sure wish I had longer to get used to the idea. You think if you got no uterus, and no breasts, you're still technically a woman?
You wouldn't happen to have a little time right now, would you, Donna?
For what?
It's a good day. I feel good.
The judge came up with a number.
A number for the whole group, or for us?
Oh, my God.
And he's making them give five million of it to you all.
Five million dollars?
I don't even know how much money that is.
I can put them in a good school.
Any school you want.
And get someone to help around the house.
Yup.
They took some bone from my hip and put it in my neck. I didn't have insurance, so I'm about seventeen thousand in debt right now.
... couldn't take painkillers cause they made me too groggy to take care of my kids.
... Matthew's six, Katie's four, and Beth's just nine months.
... just wanna be a good mom, a nice person, a decent citizen. Just wanna take good care of my kids. You know?
Open and shut? <u>Open and fucking shut</u>?
If you hadn't used profanity --
Oh, please, it was long over by then. God damn, he made me look like some cheap --
I told you the questions might get a little personal --
Okay -- let's try and settle down here.
I'm sorry, Erin.
You never called me back. I left messages.
You did? Wow, sorry about that. Listen, Mario's a little not so bright. He seems to think that you said --
I never lied. I may have miscalculated -- that happens sometimes, but --
You said things would be fine, and they're not.
I'm sorry about that. Really. But --
Okay, look. If you really want to apply for a job here, you can do it the way everyone else does. Send in a rÈsumÈ, make an --
Yeah?
I was wondering -- could you tell me who I'd talk to about maybe getting an advance on my paycheck? Just -- for the weekend.
Jane's the office manager. She handles payroll and petty cash. But she leaves early on Fridays.
All I have is hundreds.
I don't wanna take your money, Mr. Masry.
Give her a cold washcloth to suck on -- I gotta go -- there's a clean one in that bag -- I'll check back in a bit. Sorry. My kid --
Where's Anna?
Out to lunch with the girls.
You do know how to do that, don't you?
Yeah. I got it. No problem.
You're a girl.
Excuse me?
How come you're not at lunch with the girls? You're a girl.
Erin, you've been gone for a week.
I left a message. I've been dealing with that real estate thing. I was gonna write up a whole damn report and --
Okay, enough -- Now, look, Erin -- this incident aside, I don't think this is the right place for you. So what I'm gonna do is make a few calls on your behalf. Find you something else, okay?
Come on, I'm trying to help here.
What are you doing here?
I got an interesting call this afternoon. It was from a Dr. Frankel.
Oh, yeah?
He wanted you to know the legal limit for hexavalent chromium, is .05 parts per million. And that at the rate you mentioned, .58, it could be responsible for the cancers in that family you asked about. The Irvings.
Well, that was nice of him. Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help people and others just give 'em the ax?
Look, I'm sorry. You were gone. I just assumed you were off having fun.
Now, why in the hell would you assume that?
I don't know. Maybe cause you look like someone who has a lot of fun.
So what's the story on this thing? This cancer stuff?
But, PG&E told her about the chromium?
They told her something, but it can't have been too specific, cause I talked to her, and she sure didn't think her water was bad.
So what made you think it was?
It doesn't take a genius to look at those medical records and think something's wrong.
What medical records?
The ones in the box of files. The box of files? The one from your office?
I didn't see any medical records in there.
That document you found, the one that says it was the bad chromium -- you didn't happen to make a copy did you?
Course I did.
I want a raise. And benefits. Including dental.
Okay. A 5% raise, and --
Ten. There's a lot of other places I could work.
This is the only thing you found?
So far. But that place is a pig sty. I wouldn't be surprised if there's more.
I'm telling you, the minute Brenda sent the fax -- I'm talking the second she pressed that send button -- PG&E claims department is on the phone to me, scheduling a meeting.
So you think we got 'em scared?
At least they made an offer.
That wasn't an offer. A million would've been an offer. When they send the God damn mail clerk down to jerk me off, waste my time, it's a fuck you.
I don't get why they'd do that.
Because they can. You heard that kid -- they have 28 billion dollars at their disposal. They can afford to waste all the time in the world.
And you can't?
Mr. Masry, Mario gets lost going to the bathroom. They'll be driving around the valley for hours.
Boy, do I know how you feel. First time I heard that number, I said you got to be kidding me. Forty God damn percent?
Erin --
I'm the one who's injured, and this joker who sits at a desk all day is gonna walk away with almost half my reward?
Then I don't get anything either.
Hunh-uh. Absolutely not.
That's crazy -- why not?
Okay, so here's what I'll do. I'll go on up to Ted and Rita Daniels -- two of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, who spend every single day watching their little girl fight like a dog against this cancer -- I'll tell them we can't help them cause you don't feel like working that hard.
It's not about working hard --
Bullshit.
-- It's about being realistic. Something like this, Erin -- it could take forever. They're a huge corporation. They'd completely bury us in paperwork. I'm just one guy with a shitty little P.I. firm.
And this shit is bad news, Mr. Masry. Not only does it attack every organ of the body, it fucks with your DNA, too. That means these people's genes, and the genes of their kids, and the genes of their grandkids --
We can get these people. With a little effort, I really think we can nail their asses to the wall.
Oh, you do? With all your legal expertise, you believe that?
How many families we talking about here?
Four more. Eleven people. So far.
You think there's more?
This is a whole different ball game, Erin. A much bigger deal.
Kinda like David and what's-his-name?
You're doing the right thing, Mr. Masry.
What now?
Is that what I think it is?
You wanna talk about --
They used the hex chrom here, in these cooling tanks, as an anti-corrosive. Then they dumped it here, in these six ponds.
They covered 'em over. And not too carefully either, cause you dig one inch under the surface, and the dirt is green as a fucking shamrock.
And that's what caused the contamination?
See, according to this, they were supposed to line the ponds so this shit couldn't seep into the ground. But guess what --
They skipped that step.
I guess it was a little too inconvenient. So for fourteen years, this stuff flowed into the groundwater, free as you please.
For your information, Frank cares what was in those ponds 'cause he used to spend half his day wading around them. That was his job.
No shit.
Erin -- lemme tell you something. If I'da put three researchers on this, I wouldn't expect them to dig up all the information you got here. This is some damn good work.
Yeah? Then gimme another raise.
Don't give me that. You're gonna get plenty rich off of this, Mr. 40 percent. We got those PG&E fuckers by the balls here.
We've got the PG&E fuckers in Hinkley by the balls. But nobody's getting rich unless we can pin this on the corporate PG&E fuckers in San Francisco.
What do you mean?
PG&E corporate is claiming they had no way of knowing what was going on in Hinkley.
Oh, they knew. They had to know.
Then they didn't know. And if they didn't know, we can't hit 'em for punitive damages. And punitive damages is where the money is.
I like this case.
Really? It makes me sick.
Me too. That's why I like it. It's been a long time since I had a case I cared about.
You didn't care about my case?
Hey. I like working with you.
If they've sent that little shmuck Baum again, I'm gonna be real pissed off.
From their tone of voice on the phone, I'd say they're taking us more seriously.
Jesus. They look like the Secret Service.
Hey. A new plaintiff called, wants to meet you. I told him we'd be out there Thursday.
D'you get his name? Course not. Jesus, Ed --
He said he'd be at the gas station at six.
Someone's following me.
What? Who?
What kind of truck?
I don't know. Big. Dark.
He's gone. Did you get a license plate? Or a make?
No, Ed -- what with me running for my life, I didn't have time to check those things --
I was just asking. Are you all right?
I want my fucking money --
I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just one second here -- Do you mind?
Oh, Jesus. You wanna tell me what the problem is here, or --
It's my paycheck. Which I earned. Which I deserve. Which I shouldn't have to beg for. That fat-ass bitch won't give it to me.
Erin, you're a big girl. If you got a problem with Jane, work it out for yourself. I don't have time to deal with --
Fuck you. Make time. Cause I bust my ass for you. I watch everything else in my life go straight in the toilet, for you. And what do you do for me? Huh? You see the way I'm treated around here -- but have you ever stood up for me once? Have you ever mentioned to everyone what good work I'm doing? Have you
Is that what you want?
I'll see what I can do.
What kind of things come up?
Things like the head counsel for PG&E calling me with an offer. 20 million, plus attorney's fees. Take it or leave it.
Whoa. No shit.
It's about 50 thousand per plaintiff.
So what are you thinking?
I'm thinking ... I wish someone else had to make this decision. 50 thousand bucks is more than any other California toxic plaintiff has gotten. Ever. But ...
... but it won't cover Annabelle Daniels's medical bills.
And it's less than pocket change for PG&E.
Do you think we'd do better by going to trial?
Maybe. but maybe not. We still don't have anything linking this to PG&E corporate. Plus, there's the statute problem. Plus, we're way short on manpower, so we'd need to bring on more lawyers ...
Plus, 40 percent of 20 million's a whole lot of money.
Holy shit. Who do they represent, God?
What's a demur?
Counts?
Why good?
She insulted me!
Bullshit. It was a misunderstanding. But instead of handling it politely, instead of treating her with respect --
Because <u>that's how people treat each other</u>!
Not in my world.
If you tell me to relax, I'm gonna kick your fucking head off --
Erin, it's just a meeting.
People don't fly down in their own god damn plane for "just a meeting" --
Look, you said you weren't feeling great. I thought you should rest.
Bullshit. You'd drag me off my deathbed if it suited you.
Okay, look. It's an important meeting. Kurt thought, if it was just lawyers --
Look, this is serious now. They're talking serious money --
And, what, I'm not serious?
You're emotional. You're erratic. You say any God damn thing that comes into your head. And I'm not saying that's bad. That can be great; that can be a lot of fun --
"Fun?" Jesus, "<u>fun</u>?" I kill myself for a year and a half, hand you the best case of your life on a God damn silver platter, remind you of why you became a lawyer in the first place, and you think of me as "fun?"
Okay, now you're making this personal, and it isn't --
How dare you take that away from me.
No one's taking anything --
Don't give me that. You've gotten plenty. You've been well-paid; you've gotten lots of perks ...
If you're here to fire me, your timing's lousy.
I'm not gonna fire you. I wanted to. But then you got sick, and that woulda made me look like a shit. You embarrassed me, Erin.
Between 50 and 400 million, definitely?
Uh-huh.
And if you had to guess ...
With nothing linking it to the corporate offices yet, I'd say we'll end up on the lower end of that. Still a lot of money.
So why would PG&E offer it?
Because. They know the evidence; they know they're gonna lose a jury trial. Maybe they wouldn't lose 400 million bucks, but once you factor in all they'd spend on this case in the next ten years, it makes a lot of --
Wait, what do you mean, ten years?
Five years, maybe, for a trial. Double that for the appeal.
I'm sorry, are you saying that if this thing goes to trial, it'll be <u>ten years</u> before these plaintiffs see their money?
Hey, that's not so bad. Compare it to the Love Canal -- that was twenty years ago, and those people still haven't seen a dime. So in legal terms, ten years is --
Fuck legal terms. We're talking about human beings here. Sick people. A whole bunch of them are gonna be dead in ten years. They need their money now! We gotta get 'em to agree to the arbitration, Ed. We gotta get every damn one of those plaintiffs to --
<u>I know</u>. We're having a meeting, it's all set up --
When? Where?
Tuesday at seven, at the Hinkley firehouse.
Okay, good. I think I should be the one to tell 'em, cause they trust me more than --
You're not gonna be there.
The fuck I'm not. I don't care what the doctor says --
This isn't doctor's orders. It's mine. I'm saying you can't come.
Why not?
Because Kurt doesn't want to work with you. He thinks you're a loose cannon.
Fuck Kurt.
Erin --
Morning!
Erin? What are you --
Ho - ly - shit.
I don't know what to say.
Say you were wrong.
I was wrong.
Say you shortchanged me and you shortchanged yourself.
I did. Both.
Say you'd be the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth if I didn't up and quit over all this.
But I know you're not gonna quit on me.
How do you know that?
Careful you don't spit from here; you could kill someone.
You see your office?
Yeah. Yours is nicer.
Oh, okay. Here it comes.
Here what comes?
The extortion, the threats ...
I wasn't gonna --
"I can always find someplace else to work. Someplace that'll pay me a fortune and give me a view of the French Riviera ..."
Ed, I swear, I'm not --
What is that?
Two million dollars?
When'd they file the demur?
How many counts?
Who's the judge?
Corey.
I've also been thinking about the team. Responsibilities, who should cover what --
Right.
I was working in the compressor, and out of nowhere the supervisor calls me up to the office and says, we're gonna give you a shredder machine, and send you on down to the warehouse. We want you to get rid of all the documents stored out there.
Did he say why?
Nope. And I didn't ask.
Did you get a look at the stuff you destroyed?
Well, it's pretty boring work, shredding -- you gotta find some way to entertain your mind. So yeah, I took a look.
And ...?
And you were told to destroy those?
Course as it turns out, I'm not a very good employee.
What do you mean?
How come you didn't say anything when you found these things?
Oh, hey -- lemme give you a hand there.
Thank you very much. Aren't you a gentleman? Mr. ...
Ross.
Erin. Cool. What can I do for you, Erin?
Well, believe it or not, I am on the prowl for some water records.
You come to the right place.
I guess I did.
You just tell me what you want to look at and I'll be glad to dig 'em out for you.
I wish I knew. It's for my boss. He's fighting his water bill, and he wants me to find all manner of bills from all kinds of places. The easiest thing would probably be if I just squeezed back there with you and poked around myself. Would that be okay?
Pattee? That your middle name?
Nope. Maiden.
You're married.
You know what, Erin? I got nothing but time here. Why don't you let me do that for you, and you can get your kids some dinner.
Hey, Ross. Tell me something. Does PG&E pay you to cover their ass, or do you just do it out of the kindness of your heart?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What kind of chromium is it?
There's more than one kind?
Yes. There's straight-up chromium -- does all kinds of good things for the body. There's chrom 3, which is fairly benign, and then there's chrom 6, hexavalent chromium, which, depending on the amounts, can be very harmful.
Harmful, like -- how? What would you get?
So that stuff -- it kills people.
Oh, yeah. Definitely. Highly toxic, highly carcinogenic. Bad, bad stuff.
Well, how do I find out what kind of chromium is up in Hinkley?
Have you been to the water board?
Hunh-uh. What's that?
Every county has one. They keep records of anything water-related within their jurisdiction. You should be able to find something there.
County water board. All righty, thanks.
Put your napkins in your laps and eat up.
Mommy, can I get a flower?
I hate it too. I hate this trip.
Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure? We're going someplace you never been before.
Yeah. A real moron.
Look, I know you're mad. But the way this job is, things come up at the last minute, real important things, and I gotta deal with them. Now I don't like me missing dinner any more than you do, but we're all gonna have to get used to it, cause the fact is, it's gonna happen sometimes.
It happens all the time.
What are you <u>doing</u>? Where's George?
I don't know.
Masry & Vititoe, can I help you?
You've been reading for hours.
I'm a slow reader, on account of the fact that I look at the word "dog" and see "god".
Hey, Erin, I thought you were taking a sick day.
What's going on in there?
Some meeting. With PG&E people.
PG& -- Are you sure?
Hey, Ros, where are they?
Hey, Ros. Nice view, huh?
There's no way a son of mine hates Funky Town. It's impossible.
Yeah.
Can I play roller hockey?
We'll see.
Randy's mom said yes right away.
God damn it, Matthew. What the hell are you doing out here?
We'll work out the roller hockey thing, okay? Whatever you want, we'll work it out. I promise.
You always say that. Then you go to work and forget you promised.
I never forget, honey. I try, real hard. It's just, for some reason, I don't seem to be able to organize things right and -- when it comes to you guys, I end up falling short.
You never fall short for the work people. I guess maybe you just love them more.
She's one of the sick people?
How come her own mom isn't helping her?
Hey -- those are my files --
Excuse me -- Theresa, was it? There are no holes in my research.
No offense. There are just some things we need that you probably didn't know to ask.
Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay? I may not have a law degree, but I've spent 18 months on this case, and I know more about those plaintiffs than you ever will.
Erin. You don't even have phone numbers for some of them.
Whose number do you need?
Everyone's. This is a lawsuit. We need to be able to contact the plaintiffs.
I said, <u>whose number do you need</u>?
Annabelle Daniels.
Okay, look -- I think we got off on the wrong foot here --
Well, hello to you, darlin'.
What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that Goddamn noise?
Just introducing myself to the neighbors.
Ooh, now, see, if I'da known there was a beautiful woman next door, I'da done this different. Let's start over. My name's George. What's yours?
Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet, and we'll get along fine.
You want my number?
I do.
Which number do you want, George?
You got more than one?
Shit, yeah. I got numbers coming out of my ears. Like, for instance, ten.
Ten?
Sure. That's one of my numbers. It's how many months old my little girl is.
You got a little girl?
No.
C'mon. I bought 'em for you, to make up for that night.
I had a good neighbor, George. She was 60 and Mexican and she watched my kids for free. Something tells me you're not gonna be able to measure up to that.
I'm not gonna leave my kids with you.
Why not?
Cause I don't even know you.
Yeah. I'm probably ruining them.
How?
I'm never here. I gotta leave 'em with this weird sitter all afternoon who costs a fortune and smells like chicken fat.
I was serious before, you know. If you need someone to keep an eye on them -- after school or something -- I don't have a job now, so I'm around in the afternoons.
Great. Another deadbeat.
I'm not a deadbeat. I work when I need to.
Yeah? And what do you do the rest of the time, live off your trust fund?
I do construction, which pays real good. And I make it last by living cheap.
I hope that's not supposed to impress me.
Are you this hard on everyone who tries to help you?
It's been a while. Maybe I'm just out of practice.
Then lemme remind you, the polite thing is to say, thank you, that's a real nice offer, I don't mind taking you up on it.
Why in the hell would you want to watch my kids?
Cause I like kids. I like hanging out with them.
You're around every afternoon?
This isn't gonna get you laid, you know.
What're you doing?
I'm gonna put a dead bolt on your front door, too. This isn't exactly the safest neighborhood in the world, you know.
Thanks for reminding me.
You think it could make you sick, living in a place like this?
What are you doing here?
Great.
What kind of person lives like this? Huh? What kind of person lets her kids run around in a house crawling with bugs the size of housecats?
It's a simple thing. Everybody gets them. All we gotta do is call an exterminator.
I <u>can't</u> call an exterminator. I can't afford one. God, I can't even afford my <u>phone</u>. I got fired.
What? But you been working so hard --
You're not nothing, Erin.
Well, I'm sure as hell not what I thought I was gonna be. I was supposed to have one of those great lives, with everything all laid- out and perfect. I mean, hell -- I was Miss Wichita, for God's sakes. Did I tell you that? You live next door to a real live beauty queen. I still got the tiara. I kept it
You are someone.
No I'm not. Look at me. I'm not.
George, I am just trying to do something nice for my kids on my one day off. Could you please not give me a hard time about it?
One toy per kid is doing something nice. Four is ... something else.
Well, hell, I guess that's it, then, huh? They're scarred for life. They're gonna start holding up 7-11's any day now.
I'm just saying --
I'm not gonna quit cause of one creepy phone call, George.
Come on, Erin. A job's supposed to pay your bills, not put you in danger.
Look, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think you might be out of your league here?
It doesn't have to be this complicated, Erin. There's a lot of jobs out there.
You mind telling me what that's supposed to mean?
Nothing.
If you got a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of getting some job, just say so.
I didn't say that.
Cause I can get a job. I will. And you can start leaving the kids with the chicken fat lady again. Would that make you happy?
Keep your voice down.
I'm so tired I'm about to drive off the road. Keep me awake, willya?
What do you want, a joke?
No, no jokes, I gotta pee. Just tell me about your day. What went on back there?
Well, come to think of it, we did have a big event around here. Beth started talking.
What? Beth? My Beth?
I'm bored, and so are the kids.
I'm just saying -- we have one night to ourselves, why do we have to spend it here?
That's Ed.
Lock the door.
It wouldn't kill you to talk about something other than yourself and your own fucking job once in a while --
Fuck you. Just cause I don't spend all day trying to prove what hot shit I am --
That is not what I'm --
What's going on? What are you doing?
Thinking.
About this.
What's that?
It's a pair of earrings. I saw 'em in the mall one day, and I thought, damn, those would look good on those beautiful earlobes. So I bought 'em. And I said to myself, next time Erin says something nice, does something nice, I'll surprise her with 'em. Know how long ago that was? Six months. In six months, you haven't said one nice
I'm sorry. I'm just working so hard --
I know. But still. Six months. I think you oughta either find a different job or a different boyfriend. Cause there may be men who don't mind being the maid and getting nothing in return, but I'm sure as shit not one of 'em.
I can't leave my job, George.
Yeah, you can. You could just quit. People do it all the time.
I can't. Look -- this job -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean it. For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me. Up in Hinkley, I walk into a room and everyone shuts up just to hear what I got to say. I never had that. Ever. Don't ask me to give it up. I
More than you need me.
You already packed up your stuff?
They said that'd be tomorrow. They just wanna keep an eye on me another night.
Thank you.
Hello?
Hi. It's me. I got a favor to ask you.
I don't do favors for you anymore.
They up?
How long's this whole thing gonna take?
And I miss you.
Think you could learn?
You shouldn't be driving around, you know. You're sick.
What time is it?
No, I need my car --
Promise you'll turn around if you get tired.
I'm embarrassed.
That's okay. I understand.
It's just -- the pain. It's only getting worse. I can't be a good wife. I can't be a good mother.
Know what I always thought I wanted outta life, Erin? A Jaguar.
Jaguar's a darn pretty car.
I thought if I could spend that kinda money on a car, it'd mean everything else was fine. I don't even know how much they cost.
I mean, it's not a problem or anything, but -- I'm just a little unclear on what those things are. I thought maybe you'd know.
Someone stole my stuff.
Nice to see you, Erin. We've missed you.
-- toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pair of hose. Here.
What's going on?
What am I supposed to do, check in every two seconds?
Yes. It's called accountability.
I am not talking to you, bitch.
Where's my paycheck?
Have you been logging on?
What?
I moved payroll onto the computer. It only knows to process paychecks for employees who log on in the morning and off at night.
Now how'm I supposed to do that when I'm not in here most mornings and nights?
Excuse me, are you Erin Brockovich?
When Donna told us about you, and what you told her about the chromium, we figured that might have something to do with this, too.
There's something else, too.
I know. It's an awful lot.
You know that thing it says in here about rashes?
Uh-huh?
Hi, sweetie. Were you a good girl? Where are Matt and Katie?
It'll be fine, yeah.
Ai, bueno. Because I didn't want to tell you before, with your worries --
What?
My daughter, she's bought a big house with a room for me. I'm going to move in with her.
You're moving away? When?
Next week.
Wow, that's soon --
Dr. Paulsen?
Yes?
Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich. I was just over in the library there, asking a mess of questions about -- I guess they call it epidemiology? -- and the fella there told me to find you, cause you know all about it.
Is this a joke? Did Baxter put you up to this?
Who's Baxter?
Oh. Oh.
No one put me up to anything. I was just hoping I could ask you a couple questions.
Well, look, there isn't a ton of information here, but from what there is, I'd say that these two people here -- what are their names? Shanna and Ashley?
Right, I guess those are the kids --
They've both got some immune system problem. Can't say what from, whether it's viral or genetic or what, but something's wrong. And these guys -- Donna and Peter --
Their parents, I'm pretty sure.
... and when I realized our area's just as bad as Hinkley, I thought maybe my neighbors are all sick too. So I went and asked.
Uh-huh. Spent the last few days knocking on doors. And you know what? They're not. I mean, they got problems, but none of this cancer stuff. And their pets are fine. So I don't know -- I just can't shake the feeling that it wasn't no multivitamin they put in the water.
I gotta say, Erin -- first time I saw you, I did not peg you as the kind to go off and conduct her own epidemiological study.
It was .... the Emperor ....
The Emperor?
Yes, he commands you make contact with him ....
Move this ship out of the asteroid field and into a position where we can send a clear transmission.
Yes, My Lord.
My lord.
Our pursuit ships have sighted the Millennium Falcon, My Lord. It has entered an asteroid field.
Asteroids don't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses. How long until you can have Skywalker and the others in the Millennium Falcon before me?
Soon, Lord Vader.
Lord Vader, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing. The Millennium Falcon definitely went into lightspeed. It's probably on the other side of the galaxy by now.
Alert all commands. Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory and disburse the fleet to search for them. Don't fail me again, Admiral, I've had quite enough!
He will learn patience.
Much anger in him, like in his father.
He can do it.
He'll learn.
Will he finish what he begins?
Stopped they must be. Do you hear? On this all depends.
Luke, use The Force only for knowledge and for defense, not as a weapon. Don't give in to hate or anger or fear ... they lead the way to the dark side ... Luke nods and climbs back into his ship.
Told you, I did. Reckless is he ... Now things are going to worse.
The boy is our last hope.
I can't ...
You must survive, Luke.
I'm cold ... so cold ...
You must go to the Dagobah System ... There you will learn from one who taught me: Yoda, the Jedi Master.
Ben ... Ben ...
... Luke, you must not go.
But Han and Leia will surely die.
You don't know that. Even I cannot see their fate.
I can help them!
You're not ready yet. You still have much to learn.
I feel The Force.
Will you? You underestimate The Emperor. It is you he wants ... that is why your friends suffer.
And that is why I must go.
Luke, I will not lose you to the Emperor, as I lost Vader.
You won't.
How you doing, Chewbacca? Still wasting your time with this clown, eh?
Growls a reserved greeting.
Barks at the mention of food. Licks his lips.
Barks a blue streak.
Three patrol ships are heading our way.
Turns on Lando, the newcomer, with an ominous growl.
Howls.
Well, it's been awhile.
Barks and growls at his boss.
Howls and shrugs his shoulders.
Barks at Han.
Barks his concern.
Barks a doleful farewell.
Barks at his master.
We should have stayed and finished them off.
I don't care. It would've been worth it .... for Han.
... the power?
Barks his consternation.
Okay, Chewie, it's now or never.
... Like we're being watched.
I'm looking for someone.
Looking? Looking? You've found someone I'd say. Heh? Yes!
Yeah ...
Help you I can ... yes ... yes.
I'm looking for a great warrior.
Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land here, and if I could get my fighter out of this puddle I would, but I can't. So ...
Give me that!
I don't want your help. I want my lamp back. I'll need it in this slimy mudhole.
Mine, mine.
Okay, Artoo, let him have it. Now get out of here, little fellow, we've got things to do.
No, no! I'll stay and help you find your friend.
I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a Jedi Master.
Oh, a Jedi Master. Different altogether. Yoda you seek, Yoda.
You know the Jedi Master?
... I told you, I'm not hungry.
Patience. It's time to eat.
Look, it smells good. I'm sure it's delicious But I don't know why we can't see Yoda now.
It's the Jedi's time to eat, too.
Will it take long to get there? How far away is he?
Not far, not far. Be patient. Soon you will see him. Why wish you become a Jedi?
Because of my father, I guess.
Oh, your father ... a powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi.
Yes sir!
Sergeant, is Commander Skywalker back yet?
I haven't seen him. He probably came in through the south entrance.
Commander Skywalker hasn't come through the south entrance, sir. Maybe he slipped by without checking in.
Not likely! Where are the speeders?
We haven't got them adapted to this cold yet ...
We'll have to go out on Tauntauns.
The temperature is dropping too fast.
The night storms will start before you can reach the first marker.
What is thy bidding, My Master?
There is a grave disturbance in The Force.
I have felt it.
Our situation is most precarious. We have a new enemy who could bring about our destruction.
Our destruction? Who?
The son of Skywalker. You must destroy him ... or he will be our undoing.
He's not a Jedi, he's just a boy. Obi-wan could not have taught him so much that ...
You are weak! I have seen it. The Force is strong with him. He must be destroyed.
But, if he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.
Yes ... yes. That would be a great asset.
Captain Solo. What's the situation?
There isn't a hint of life in the area. But all the perimeter markers are set, so you'll know if anyone comes calling.
Good, and Commander Skywalker?
He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him. He'll be in soon.
With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.
That's right.
You're an extraordinary fighter. I hate to lose you.
Thank you, General. But there's a price on my head. If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a walking dead man.
Whatever it is, it isn't friendly. I'm going to have a look. Come on, Chewie.
Wait. I'll send a patrol with you.
Captain Solo, sir. Might I have a word with you?
What is it?
Mistress Leia has been trying to reach you on the communicator, but either you have it turned off, or it is malfunctioning ... if it's damaged, Artoo, could fix it, if you like.
I shut it off. What's her royal holiness want?
I don't know, Artoo. Sir, might I inquire what's going on?
He doesn't make sense to me either, Chewie.
I do hope he's all there ... if you take my meaning. I would hate to see Master Luke develop a short circuit ...
Transport XJ. get out of here. Go!
Sir, I was wondering ...
Sit down, and shut up!
I think we're in trouble.
If I may say so, Sir, I noticed earlier that the entire main para- light system seems to be damaged.
What are you so grouchy about?
You, too, golden rod.
It sounds like it's trying to get in.
We're doomed. Goodbye, Mistress Leia. Goodbye, Captain ...
I can see the edge of the asteroid field, sir.
Yes, Your Highness?
You said you were going to stay. What happened?
That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind.
Does Luke know?
He'll know when he gets back ... Don't give me that look. Every day more bounty hunters are searching for me. If I don't pay off Jabba soon, there'll be too many to stop ... Remotes, Gank killers, and who knows what else. I've got to get that price off my head while I still have a head.
Han, we need you here.
We?
Yes.
Not you?
Me? I don't know what you mean.
You probably don't. How could you? You're so terrified of your own emotions ...
And what are they, pray tell?
You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.
Am I? I say you came running after me because you were afraid I was leaving you without even a kiss.
I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.
There's no accounting for taste. Believe me, you could use a good kiss. You've spent so much time doing your duty and giving orders you've never learned how to be a woman. It's a shame, because you've got all the makings for one. I could have helped you plenty in that department ... if you'd have let go for a minute. But it's too
We are fighting for a cause much ...
Spare me please! Don't tell me about the Rebellion again. I've had it with your noble mission. All you let yourself think about is the Rebellion. The result is you're as cold as this planet.
And you think you're the one to apply some heat?
Those creatures he keeps talking about ... we'd better double the security ... Han, I don't know how ...
Now all we've got to worry about is what attacked him.
.... I'm afraid there's not much left.
What was it?
Droid of some kind. I didn't hit it that hard. It must have had a self-destruct ....
An Imperial probe droid.
Well, your worship, it looks like you arranged to keep me close by for a while longer.
I don't know what he's talking about.
You must have gone completely out of your feeble mind.
Why you low-down, stuck-up, half- witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.
Hey! Someone's still in here.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade.
This baby's got a few surprises left in her.
I know, I know, I see them ... LEIA See what?
Two more Star Destroyers heading right at us.
That was no laser blast .... some- thing hit us ....
Asteroids! Chewie, bank left, let's find out where they're coming from ...
Probably an asteroid field ....
Let's hope so ... it's just the chance we need.
To get killed ... you're not seriously going into an asteroid field?
Well, you said you wanted to be there when I was wrong.
I take it back.
That Star Destroyer is slowing down.
But we're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer.
I'm against that.
We've got to get out of this shower.
Now you're making sense.
There, there. Chewie get a reading on that. Looks pretty good.
What is it?
Why, Princess, this is so sudden.
Very funny. You can let go now .... I'm getting angry.
You don't look angry.
How do I look?
Sorry, Captain, being held by you isn't enough to get me excited.
Well, I hope you don't expect more.
I don't expect anything, except to be left alone.
That was no earthquake.
They're moving away.
They're just trying to see if they can stir something up ... we're safe.
Easy, your worship. Only trying to help.
Sure. I guess I make it difficult sometimes.
Yes, you do.
Sometimes, maybe ... occasionally, when you aren't acting like a scoundrel.
Stop that.
What are you afraid of?
Don't count on it. I happen to like nice men.
Sure, they're safer. You always know what they're going to do. Trouble is, it gets a little dull.
There's nothing dull about a man I can depend on to be civilized.
You mean a man you can control.
I do not!
There's something out there!
Where?
Are you crazy!
Looks like some kind of Mynock.
Those Star Destroyers will spot us long before you can get into light speed. You can't make the jump in this asteroid field.
Strap yourself in, sweetheart, we're taking off!
I see it Chewie, hang on.
Couldn't be, I checked the transfer circuits, just like you said! I tell you this time it's not my fault. I'm sure I checked it.
No lightspeed?
Sharp bank, Chewie. Let's turn this bucket around. You heard me, turn around! Full power on the front shield.
You could have warned him before you shut him off.
Oh, so sorry! Didn't mean to offend your droid. You think braking and shutting down in that amount of time is easy?
I'm still not sure what you've accomplished.
What'd you have in mind for your next move?
Not bad, hot shot, not bad. Then what?
Then we have to find a safe port around here. Got any ideas?
That depends. Where are we?
Funny, I have the feeling I've been in this area before. Let me check my logs.
You keep logs? My, how organized.
Well, sometimes ... Ah-hah, I knew it! Lando Calrissian.
Never heard of that system.
Lando's not a system, he's a man. A gambler, con-artist ... all- around scoundrel ... ... your kind of guy. The system is called Bespin. It's a ways from here, but reachable.
A mining colony.
A Tibanna gas mine. Lando won it in a sabacc match, or so he claims. Lando and I go way back.
Can you trust him?
You do have your moments ... Not many, but you do have them.
I don't like this.
What are you staring at?
Who's staring?
You look silly.
You look great.
Has Threepio turned up yet?
I hope Luke made it to the fleet all right.
He found him in a junk pile ...
Something's wrong here. Your friend Lando is very charming, but I don't trust him.
Well, I do trust him. Lando's an old friend. Must have been an accident.
No thanks.
I was worried about you.
I'm worried about all of us. I can't figure out what they're up to.
... I love you. I couldn't tell you before, but it's true.
Loud and clear, kid. What's up?
I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life read- ings.
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to the base.
Hi kid, you look strong enough to wrestle a Gundark.
Thanks to you.
Probe? What probe?
About what?
I hope you make your peace with Jabba.
Why you slimy, double-crossing no-good swindler ... am I glad to see you.
No hard feelings?
Are you kidding?
I always said you were a gentleman.
That won't be easy, my friend ... What brings you here, anyway?
Repairs ...
That ship saved my life a few times. It's the fastest hunk of machinery in the galaxy. What's wrong with her?
Hyperdrive.
How's your mining operation going?
Not as well as I'd like. We're a small outpost and not very self- sufficient. I've had supply problems of every kind and ... What's so funny?
Sorry friend, I had no choice. They arrived right before you did.
Get out of here, Lando!
Shut up a minute and listen. I'm doing what I can to make this easier for you.
This ought to be good.
You don't know much about much if you think Vader won't want us dead before this is over.
He doesn't want you at all. He's after someone named Skywalker.
All this just to get the kid? What's so important about him?
Don't shoot! I've done what I can for you. I'm sorry it's not better, but I've got my own problems. I've already stuck my neck out further than I should ...
What about Leia and the Wookiee?
You will find them well enough. But they must never again leave this city.
That was never mentioned. Neither was this bounty hunter taking Han. I hope you haven't forgotten our bargain.
I forget nothing, Calrissian. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.
No.
We only use this chamber for carbon freezing. If you put him in there, it'll kill him.
I'll take what's mine now.
Take them, but I'm keeping a detachment of troops here to watch over them.
That wasn't the bargain. You said the Empire wouldn't interfere in--
Hello! What have we here? Welcome, I am Baron Lando Calrissian, Administrator of this facility ... and who might you be?
Sorry, am I interrupting anything?
Not really.
I must say, your beauty is unpar- alleled. Truly you belong here with us among the clouds.
Thanks.
.... We are a free station and do not fall under the jurisdiction of the Empire.
You're part of the mining guild then?
It's a lovely outpost.
What about Han?
Lord Vader has set a trap for him and ...
What's going on?
I'm coming over to your side, that's what. And I have a feeling I'm making a big mistake.
Look, I stand to lose everything by this.
We have no use for your kind.
Chewie's right. We must try to save Han.
Very noble. Not smart, but noble.
You've probably never done an honorable thing in your life.
Sure I did ... once. It turned out lousy.
You'd better know what you're doing, or this is going to get very messy.
We've got to find Luke.
What'd you say?
I knew that set-up was too good to last .... I'm going to miss it.
Luke!
What?
No argument, just do it. That's a command!
Someone's falling.
The deflector shields are gone.
I'm sure my men fixed it. We've got nothing to worry about.
Nothing more can be done tonight. The shield doors must be closed. I can't wait any longer. I'm sorry.
The speeders should be ready in the morning. They'll make the search easier.
Is there any chance of them surviving out there?
Have they analyzed the one that was killed?
We've picked up something outside the base in zone one, moving East.
Two transports at a time is awfully risky.
You rest now.
So much has happened during the period of your indisposition, sir.
You don't have to do this to impress me.
Closer?!
A tremor!
What??
Sir, we've lost the rear deflector shield. One more direct hit on the back quarter and we're done for.
Rather touchy, aren't they.
Artoo, you did it! I never doubted you for a second ...
The Bacta are growing well. The scars should be gone in a day or so. Does it still hurt?
I'm fine. Really. Leia ... when I was out there and it looked pretty bad ... well, it made me think about things.
Leia ... What would you think if I went away for a while?
Where are you going?
I have this ... feeling. I'm not sure, really ...
That's just great. Why doesn't everyone just take off?
What are you talking about?
First Han, now you. When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself? ...
Calm down, will ya? Tell me about Han.
He wants to pay off that criminal he's in hock to.
Jabba the Hutt?
I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those snow creatures.
Leia!
Lando, is he alright? ... Lando? Are you there? How's Luke?
This hyperdrive had better work.
Ready are you? What know you of ready? I have trained Jedi for 800 years. My own counsel I'll keep on who is to be trained.
Why not me?
I have followed my feelings.
I will not fail you. I'm not afraid.
It would be in seven pieces, were you a Jedi.
I thought I was in good shape.
Master, moving rocks is one thing, but this is a little different.
No! No different! The differences are in your mind. Throw them out! No longer of use are they to you.
Okay. I'll give it a try.
I can't. It's too big.
I don't believe it.
Concentration. Heh? Concentration.
I thought those seekers were set for stun!
That they are.
They're a lot stronger than I'm used to.
No, no. This will not do. Anger is what you feel.
But I feel The Force flowing!
Price? What do you mean?
The dark side beckons. But if once start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will ... as it did Obi-wan's apprentice.
Lord Vader ... Is the dark side stronger?
No, no. Easier, quicker, more seductive.
But how am I to know the good side from the dark?
You will know. When you are at peace ... calm ... passive. A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense. Never for attack.
But tell me why ...
Four this time! The Force you feel.
I feel cold.
This tree is strong with the dark side of The Force. A servant of evil it is. Into it you must go.
What's in there?
Ben? Ben?
Free your mind and return he will.
My mind fills with so many images.
Control, control you must learn of what you see. Not easy, not fast.
I see a city in the clouds.
Bespin. I see it too ... Friends you have there, heh? Concentrate and see them you will.
I see them! ... They're in pain ... they're suffering.
Will they die?
They're my friends.
Yes, yes. To Obi-wan you listen young one. The tree. Remember your failure at the tree! Heh?
And sacrifice Han and Leia?
The fear does not reach you. You have learned more than I anticipated.
You'll find I'm full of surprises.
Your future lies with us, Skywalker. Now you will embrace the dark side. Obi-wan knew this to be true.
No!
There is much Obi-wan did not tell you. Come, The Emperor will complete your training.
I'll die first.
All too easy. Perhaps you are not as strong as The Emperor thought.
The Force runs strong in the Skywalker line. You will achieve great power ... Come, join with me! Together we will be the most powerful ... even stronger than The Emperor.
There is no escape. You must join me or die. Don't make me destroy you here ... The Emperor is strong with The Force. But if you join me, together we could overthrow Him. Do not resist. It is our destiny!
The Hoth System?
Yes, My Lord.
Seventeen ships destroyed, we don't know how many got away.
Anything on the Millennium Falcon?
It won't get through the blockade.
Did you call the Zoo?
Yes, sir. We're in luck. The sick bay's almost empty except for a mauled fox cub, a deer with pneumonia, and a depressed gorilla. The Apes will be hidden from the public. They'll be quarantined. If they want medical attention, it's available on the spot. And the experts can start giving them the once-over first thing in the morning. General Brody's very pleased.
Me, too. Can't have a lot of monkeys making messes in the Guardhouse. Have we fed them? Like raw steak or something?
The Zoo tells me that chimpanzees, like all apes, are vegetarian, sir.
Good God.
Excuse me. I didn't mean to disturb.... What am I saying?
They're...pretending to dress.
So am I. And I mean you no harm.
Do you have a name?
My name is Cornelius. And this is Zira -- my wife.
Nobody's going to believe it.
Believe what?
In some fashion -- and I lack the intellect to know precisely how -- we have traveled from Earth's future into Earth's past.
But we saw Earth destroyed.
Zira, are you mad?
Dr. Milo, please don't call my wife mad.
To a lot of psychiatric small talk --
And we can watch ...
What, Lewis?
There was a sort of carpetbag in the ship.
With food?
No -- clothes. Stevie, they changed into them.
What are they doing here?
Go easy, Stevie.
They look pretty docile.
We shall want a full autopsy ...
With particular emphasis on the cranial and oral areas.
But he isn't us. He's your own kind.
I mean he's of your race. He's an Ape. Look. You don't have to be afraid. We've put him in chains and under sedation. Do you understand that?
I should. I've been doing it half my life to Humans.
Humans?
Primitive?
May I say something personal?
Please
ComStat did a psychosearch on him. Used a database of 5 million sociopathic personalities. He hit the bottom of the curve.
Perfect for the mission. Nobody else can pull it off - not an army, not a man.
Somehow during the tour, she came into possession of a prototype transmitting device. We don't know how.
The cigarette girl in New Vegas was an undercover cop. She injected you with incentive toxin. Right now it's swimming in your bloodstream. It'll start to take effect in 9 hours.
L.A. is in a constant state of warfare. Gangs fighting for the right to rule.
Heavy Third World connections. They get weapons, drugs, fuel, choppers - everything is pumped into the island from the south.
His reactor's starting to overheat.
You were injected with glucose. There is no Plutoxin 7 virus. You were never going to die - at least not from anything we gave you.
Who's that?
He doesn't look like his picture. I bet he's fake.
Now go get dressed. We have things to do.
Ooww!
Cuervo...?
You're my woman, you understand? You don't let anybody take you away from me without a fight.
I tried...
Nobody leaves Cuervo Jones. Not unless you give your life. You fight till you're dead. Then I forgive you. Understand? Understand?
Come on, Cuervo. I delivered him, didn't I? All I'm asking for is what you promised.
Where is he?
Give it to me.
You said I could be Vice-President, Cuervo. Your right-hand man.
Give it.
You're about to get hit, Cuervo. It's Plissken.
You told me he was dead.
I thought he was, but he came back.
Oh Cuervo...
What?
It's so good to see you again.
Where's Plissken?
He's... near.
You're stalling, Eddie. Talk, you little gringo!
I wouldn't be doin' that, Snake.
Wait a minute. All right. Hold on.
Why should we leave? I love L.A. Where we gonna go? What's the payoff?
Shit.
Where'd you get these rigs, Carjack?
I need a favor.
Wait a minute. I know that voice. You're Carjack Malone.
I was called away on urgent business, Snake.
Don't lie to me.
All right, so I made another deal.
I'm already dead.
I see your point. What's the favor?
Get me to Cuervo Jones. Get me to the Kingdom. I got one hour.
Dream on, blue eye.
So what's the deal, gorgeous?
I don't know, sounds thin to me.
You want to stay here, while Cuervo Jones rules the world?
No, that sucks. How are we getting out?
See you in hell, Snake.
She's overloaded! We're too heavy.
I think we've burned off enough fuel. We may be lighter enough to hover. Just barely.
Can you land?
No. The right skid's broken. If I try to set it down she'll crash. I have to stay in a hoverwhile you jump off. Hey, Carjack. We gotta hide the girl. Give her your dress.
How you doin' Plissken? You like the watch?
Shut up, Plissken.
What's the little black box do?
Top secret. Only on a need to know.
And I don't need to know. So fuck you, I'm goin' to Hollywood.
That's right, big shot. Unless you do what we want you're not coming back.
So what's the deal, huh? Go into L.A., find the President's daughter, secure the box, and bring 'em both out - and I'm free?
That's the deal.
Wait a minute, what are you talkin' about?
Having second thoughts?
Maybe. But you're not putting any shit in me this time.
Get this crap out of me.
I guess we have a deal. Nice to be working with you, Plissken.
I'll need to know more about this thing.
Only a handful of people are aware of its existence. Let's just say it's the ultimate defensive weapon.
Defense against what?
Third World wants to live like we do - and they plan on taking what they want. The Cubans and Brazilians are ready to invade Miami. If the Africans and Colombians make a run at the border, we got a full scale attack on the United States.
So what does this thing do?
Where do I put ashore?
Cahuenga Pass. Make your way up through the mountains toward the Hollywood Bowl. You should be able to pick up Utopia's tracer there. Once you go inside, you're on your own. You know what you have to do with the girl, don't you? We have to spare this nation her trial - for treason.
So you want me to take her out? Is that an order from the President?
Let's just say it's what's best for the country.
By the way - who gives me the anti-toxin?
A medical team will be standing by.
Not you?
No.
She's in the green.
Lock fuel rods.
Locked.
75% power.
Plissken...?
I'm here.
Where's the submarine? It's disappeared off our screens.
Plissken - this is Malloy. Do you have the prototype?
Got a smoke?
You're gonna have to learn to respect the law, Snake. The United States is a no- smoking nation. No smoking, no drinking, do drugs, no women unless you're married, no guns, no foul language. It's a brand new day for you, Snake.
It's the President, for Christ's sake!
Getting ready to invade.
The prototype appears to be armed, Mr. President. Shall I begin evacuation?
Does he know how to activate it?
Relax, war hero. We took you for a ride, and you came through. Not bad for a dirtbag like you.
You're a star in your own right, you know that? Hey, I'm Map To The Stars Eddie. How you doin'?
Where'd they go?
Where are they?
Location.
Too many people know where you're going, Snake. That's not good. Delgado and his men were back there waiting for you.
Delgado?
Stop the damn car.
No way.
I said pull over.
Where is it?
Where are they going?
Not yet.
Listen up. I need directions. Downtown. Somebody named Hershe.
Sure, Snake. No problem. You gonna kill me?
Later.
I couldn't help it, Snake. I had to shoot you. Cuervo made me do it, I swear to God, man.
Cease fire with the bullshit.
How do you know all this?
Me too?
Aw, come on, Snake.
I don't know about this thing.
I got an idea, Snake. This looks like the prototype, right?
Yeah, kinda.
So maybe we can pull off a Texas switch on Cuervo.
Is that what I think it is?
What're you doing in here?
Looking to get out.
Good. I want you out. This is my sewer.
Say, you need anything, Snake? Guns? Explosives? I can get you a crate of hellfire grenades, no problem - five hours.
Yeah. So how do I get to Venice?
Kind of a bad neighborhood, Snake.
Which way to the Hollywood Bowl?
Could be a big one comin' any minute now...
Where's... Cuervo Jones...?
Long gone. You'll never catch up with him now, Snake.
Where?
You ain't doin' so good, Snake. You need help. You should talk to Hershe. She hates Cuervo. They used to be partners, but they split up.
Who?
Hi, Snake. It's so great to meet you. My name's Taslima. I'm a fan of yours.
Are you crazy?
What are they?
They live here, used to be like us. But after too many silicon implants, their muscles turned to jelly. The only way they survive is to have body parts transplanted over and over again. Snake, nobody who comes into Beverly Hills gets out alive.
No screamin' shit.
Oh no, it's the Doctor.
Who?
Don't follow me.
You need help.
This is a dead end. You took us into a dead end!
Be careful of the bald cats. They live in these buildings.
How do we get out of here?
Snake - what is it?
Why don't you get out of L.A.? Take a boat to China, take an airplane to Brazil? Earthquakes, death, shit. Why do you stay?
I changed my mind. I'm going with you, wherever you're going.
What the hell is this?
The freeway.
I know that. There are people in some of these cars.
What are you gonna do in Venice?
Find Cuervo Jones.
Run, Snake...They're coming.
I can see you're real concerned about your daughter.
Utopia is lost to me. My daughter is gone.
Well, I'll think it over.
You're running out of time.
Get ready, shitheads. We're comin' in.
Where's the anti-toxin...?
Hey, what's going down, Snake?
I'm looking for somebody.
You owe me. You left me holdin' everything back there in Cleveland.
Hershe, you were in Cleveland?
All of us?
The President's promised to give whoever helps me 1 million dollars.
Yeah? Greenbacks? I got ten million of them.
Is he coming?
In the name of God, of St. Michael, and St. George, I make you a knight. Rise, Sir...
There is one thing left to do... Excalibur... And you must do it, Perceval. Leave my wounds, I command you.
I cannot--
When you threw it in, what did you see?
My King, I couldn't do it. Excalibur cannot be lost. Other men--
Good day to you, sir.
Move aside. This is the King's road, and the knights you joined arms against were his very own.
I await the King himself. His knights are in need of training.
I am King, and this is Excalibur, sword of kings from the dawn of time. Who are you, and why do you block the way?
I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake, from across the sea. I am the best knight in the whole of Christiandom, and I look for the king who is worthy of my sword's service.
--That is a wild boast. You lack a knight's humility.
Not a boast, sir, but a curse. Never have I met my match in joust or duel.
Move aside!
Yield. I have the advantage.
Fight me from your horse or on foot, but fight me. Your avoidance mocks me.
Sir, your rage has unbalanced you. It seems you would fight to the death against a knight who is not your enemy, for a length of road you can ride around.
So be it, to the death.
Thanks to God, you are alive.
You are still the best knight in Christiandom. You gained a hundred advantages over me. It is I who must love you, for through your courage and patience you taught me a bitter lesson.
Then make me your champion and I will always fight in your place.
But your life and lands are far from here.
My domain is here, inside this metal skin. And I would pledge to you all that I still own: muscle, bone, blood and the heart that pumps it.
Lancelot, how did you fare in the North?
These men repented before God for their evil deeds. Those who would not, met their fate at the end of my sword. Accept the fruit of my first quest as my wedding gift.
Your deeds set an example for all other knights. For your gift, ask a gift of me.
They miss the battlefield. I think we do too.
Hasn't Merlin mended your wound?
Arthur.
My salvation is to die a Knight of the Round Table.
You are that and much more. You are its greatest knight, you are what is best in men. Now we will be together--
At last...
Don't recognize him. You were trapped by Morgana's sorcery.
Perceval, you have returned!
Merlin, will I live...? ...I was dreaming...
Of Merlin?
Yes. He spoke to me. He said I would fight bravely tomorrow. I have never dreamed of Merlin before.
He can be no other.
Who is Merlin?
Whose son am I?
You saved me from the arrow...
But not from your destiny.
I want to thank you.
Merlin, help me. I need your help. I don't know how--
It is whispered in the forest that... ...Leondegrance's castle is under siege by Lot and Uryens.
Yes, yes, I know that. Everybody does. Lord Leondegrance is my only ally among the barons and the great knights. I can't lose him.
Well there. You don't need me half as much as you think you do. You already know what must not happen.
I must find the means to save him, then. I was hoping I could ask you for a little magic help, but if it makes you so tired...
It's just that I have no experience, and no men to speak of. How can I--
How? Where?
In the great book.
What book is that?
The book without pages. Open before you, all around us. You can see it in bits and pieces, for if mortal men were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance, why, it would burn him to cinders.
What?!
Then as knight to knight I can offer you mercy.
A king must marry, after all.
I love her. If she would be my queen, my dreams would be answered.
Who will it be? Put your mind to it, then.
Guenevere. And a beloved friend who will betray you.
Guenevere...
I should have left you to fend for yourself.
So you were stealing their honey. They should have killed you.
Come now. So much anger for such a little crime? Are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?
Excalibur! Is it true?
The knights of Galys approach the camp. It would be politic...
At your service, sir.
Then answer me this. For years peace has reigned in the land. Crops grow in abundance, there is no want. Every one of my subjects enjoys his portion of happiness and justice, even those whose tiresome misunderstandings we must resolve here each day. Tell me, Merlin: have we defeated evil, as it seems?
Where hides evil, then, in my kingdom?
Merlin, tell me. Now that Guenevere is returned to me...
Yes.
Just yes? No mad laughter, no riddles, nothing but a simple yes? That frightens me.
What? The greatest? They blend together like the metals we mix to make a good sword.
I am alone and betrayed. By my wife, by my beloved friend, by my knights. And by you. Perhaps most of all by you. For you made me, you forged this wretched life. And like a child tired of a toy, you toss me aside, a babbling lecher trotting after my sister...
That is my destiny. I have a destiny, too...
With all your powers, you are content to be ridiculed, laughed at...
My powers fade, Arthur. I resort to cheap tricks... Yes! I enjoy every moment of my foolishness, I join in the making of it, so no one can betray me. But you! You betray yourself.
Me? I have lived by the oath of king and knight.
I must do it myself. I must kill them both. Lancelot and Guenevere. Will you ride with me, Merlin?
Quiet. You'll wake the men, and they must fight tomorrow for their very lives.
I know. I have heard noises and echoes through the stones...
What is this place, Merlin?
But, I'm here.
Where have you been these many years? Is it true that Morgana--
--Stories... You brought me back. Your love brought me back. Back to where you are now, in the land of dreams...
Father...
Rise, Mordred.
I have come to claim what is mine, Father.
I recognize you only as my son, no more.
The very spear that pierced the side of Christ as he died on the cross.
I cannot offer you the land, only my love...
I will muster a great force of knights, and I will return to fight for what is mine.
I left it in the tent, sir.
Sir... Kay needed a sword. His was stolen. I saw Excalibur, and... I took it.
You freed it, son?
Who is, then?
He is the mightiest and fairest of knights.
It didn't hurt too much, did it?
Ye...
But I have to leave tomorrow. The forests are thick with rebels, invaders plunder our shores...
--And damsels in besieged castles are waiting to be rescued?
I didn't know Leondegrance had a daughter.
No, I think it's better if you just stay here to heal. At least a week.
I'm going.
He must stay for the feasting days of our wedding, and tell his deeds himself.
I will ride with Sir Kay. Lancelot, rest here.
Don't start a war on my wedding day!
Sir Gahalt, answer the Queen.
The Queen will be in my charge till a champion steps forward to fight on her behalf.
Why can't you be my champion?
If I am your judge, I cannot be your champion. When I act as your King, I cannot be your husband.
And you cannot love me...
The laws, my laws, must bind everyone, high and low, or they are not laws at all. Lancelot will come...
I loved you much, as King, and sometimes as husband, but one cannot gaze too long at the sun in the sky.
Forgive me, my wife, if you can. I was not born to live a man's life, but to be the stuff of future memory. The fellowship was a brief beginning, a fair time that cannot be forgotten; and because it will not be forgotten, that fair time may come again. Now once more I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and
Who does it serve?
You, my lord.
I have waited long for you. Once you almost saw, but fear blinded you. Why am I served from the chalice?
Because you and the land are one.
I am wasting away and I cannot die. And I cannot live.
The well-kept secret is whether any of them has won your heart.
No.
Why?
I am a fighting man and I am married to the quest. That is enough.
And there is no maiden in the whole world who inspires you?
There is one.
Who?!
You.
Me?
Yes. I would swear my love to you.
To me? But why?
The law forbids it.
There are things about love--
Why didn't he kill us?
The King without his sword, the land without a king...
Just a man. A knight in the King's service.
Very well. Climb up.
I will run.
Listen, boy, it's more than twenty days from here.
I have found you. The Queen. An apple. Tomorrow. Sir Gawain...
You left your husband's side? You left your brother's wedding?
Is that Mandrake, Lord Merlin?
It is.
No, no, of course not. You are young...
I'm not jealous!
It's clear you are, and it irks me.
No. Yes, I am. I am jealous. I want to write poems about you with moonbeams, make the sea sing your name...
A lovestruck page!
I showed you all my conjuring tricks...
The deepest secrets, the forbidden formulas...
You know what I want. I want the secret of true magic, how to thicken the stuff of dreams and wishes with the flesh of the world.
When Arthur built the castle, I carved out a place for myself, where I could laugh or sleep, and no one would bother me.
They do.
You are truly magnificent!
Merlin, the powers of Summoning, the true Name of the charms of Doing and Undoing. Show me!
What do you want? You must desire it for me to weave it.
You provoke me, Merlin.
I am the cloudburst that quenches the flames.
I am the desert, where water disappears--
--I am the sea, which covers the desert forever under its weight.
It's done. A truce. We meet at the river.
I should butcher all and every one of them. Merlin, what is this wagging of tongues?
Behold the sword of power, Excalibur. Before Uther, it belonged to Lud, before Lud, to Beowulf, before Beowulf to Baldur the Good, before Baldur to Thor himself and that was when the world was young and there were more than seven colors in the rainbow. Speak the words.
I have walked my way since the beginning of time. Sometimes I give, sometimes I take. It is mine to know which, and when.
I swear it. By Excalibur and the holy--
--What issues from your lust will be mine. Swear it again.
Merlin! Out of the sick sleep at last.
Now you must pay me.
I?
The oath. You didn't say--
It's not for you, Uther, hearth and home, wife and child.
To kill and be king, is that all?
Maybe not even that, Uther. I thought once that you were the one to unite the land under one sword. But it'll take another, a greater king...
You strike me with words as hard as steel.
Burke take a look at this damn thing it just doesn't make sense.
Why it's perfectly plain, your the teacher at the college, you don't want the building torn down.
C'mon I can read for Christ sake.
Well what's wrong?
Well why are they tearing the building down?
Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris I believe.
What honey?
Well, he does know the background. I doubt there's any danger in just having him assist. There should be a psychiatrist present, anyway.
And what about the exorcist? Any ideas?
How about Lankaster Merrin.
Merrin? I had notion he was over in Iraq. I think I read he was working on a dig around Nineveh.
That's right Mike. But he's finished and came back around three ot four months ago, He's in Woodstock now.
What's he doing there? Teaching?
No, he's working on another book.
Don't you think he's too old, though? How's his health?
It must be alright. He's still running around digging up tombs. Besides, he's had experience.
I didn't know that.
You're convinced that it's genuine.
I don't know. No, not really I suppose. But I've made a prudent judgement that it meets the conditions set down in the Ritual.
You'd want to do the exorcism yourself?
Yes.
It might be best to have a man with experience. Maybe someone who's spent time in the foreign missions.
I see, your excellency.
Let's see whose around. In the meantime I'll call you as soon as I know.
Quite frankly, we don't know much about it except that it's starts with some conflict or guilt that eventually leads to the patient's delusion that his body's been invaded by an alien intellegence; a spirit if you will.
Look, I'm telling you again and you'd better believe it, I'm not about to put her in a goddamn asylum!
It's-
And I don't care what you call it! I'm not putting her away!
I'm sorry.
It's a stylized ritual in which rabbis or priests try to drive out the so-called invading spirit. It's pretty much discarded these days, except by the Catholics who keep it in the closet as a sort of embarrassment. It has worked, in fact, although not for the reason they think, of course. It was purely the force of suggestion. The victim's belief in possession
Hello?
Hi
Hi, how'd your day go?
Here.
Oh great, anything else?
And you got an invitation.
What's this?
Dinner at the White House.
Your kidding me. What is it a big party or something?
Just five or six people.
Hello? Yes this is Mrs. MacNeil. Operator you have got to be kidding I have been on this line for twenty minutes. Jesus Christ, can you believe this, he doesn't even call his daughter on her birthday for christ sake.
Maybe the circuit is busy?
Oh circuit my ass, he doesn't give a shit!
What the hell do you mean going out and leaving Regan by her self! What are you kidding her window's wide open...
What didn't he tell you?
Didn't who tell me?
Burke.
What's Burke got to do with it?
Well, when I went to get the Thorazine I had him to stay with her and... Oh, I should of known better.
What did the doctor say?
Oh Burke! Poor Burke!
This was under Regan's pillow. Did you put it there?
Where do you want this?
What is it?
Phonograph.
I'm gonna miss you.
Me too.
Does your daughter remember if perhaps Mr. Dennings was in her room in her room that night?
No, she was heavily sedated.
It's serious?
Yes, I'm affraid it is.
May I ask...?
We still don't know.
Strange...strange...so baffling. The deceased comes to visit, stays only twenty minutes, and leaves all alone a very sick girl. And speaking plainly Mrs. MacNeil, as you say, it's not likely he would fall from a window. Besides that, a fall wouldn't do to his neck what we found except maybe a chance in a thousand. My hunch? My opinion? I believe he was killed
No. Not at all,
You were expecting a deliver y that day?
Not that I know of.
Groceries maybe? A package?
I really wouldn't know, you see Karl takes care of that.
Oh, I see.
Want to ask him?
Would you like some more coffee?
Incidentally, just a chance in a million, I know; but your daughter - you could possibly ask her if she saw Mr. Dennings in her room that night?
Look, he wouldn't have any reason to be up there in the first place.
I know that. I realize. But if a certain British doctor never asked "What's this fungus?" we wouldn't today have penicillin. Correct?
When she's well enough, I'll ask.
I hate to ask you this but... for my daughter could you maybe give an autograph?
Oh, she'd love it.
I lied. It's for me. The spelling is on the back, Kinderman. You know that film you made called Angel? Isaw that six times.
Thank you.
Good morning Madame.
Good morning Karl. Oh Karl, we've got rats in the attic you better get some traps.
Rats?
But it's clean?
No. No rats.
Yeah or maybe rats now will you just get those traps.
Yes, I go now.
There is nothing.
Oh Karl, Jesus Christ Karl, don't do that.
Very sorry, but you see, no rats!
Bastard! I will kill you.
Karl? Did you put this in Regan's bedroom?
She is going to be well?
Karl if you put this in Regan's room I want you to tell me, now did you?
Excuse me Miss?
What!
A man to see you.
Excuse me Madame? Will there be anything else?
Morning.
Good morning Mrs. MacNeil.
How are you today?
Fine thank you.
Is it coming out Willie?
A disorder of the nerves. At least we think it is. We don't know yet exactly how it works, but it's often seen in earl adolescence. She shows all the symptoms: the hyperactivity; the temper; her performance in math.
Why the math?
Now this is for Ritalin. Ten miligrams a day.
What is it? A tranquilizer?
A stimulant.
Stimulant? She's higher than a kite right now!
Her condition isn't quite what it seems. Nobody knows the cause of her hyperkinetic behaviour in a child. The Ritalin sems to work to relieve the condition, but we really don't know how or why, frankly. Your daughter's symptoms could be an overreaction to depression- but that's out of my field.
Depression?
Well, you mentioned her father... the divorce.
Do you think I should take her to see a psychiatrist?
Oh no. I'd wait and see what happens with the Ritalin. I think that's the answer. Wait two or three weeks.
And those lies she's been telling?
Lies?
Ya know, those things to get attention, like saying that her bed shakes and stuff.
Have you ever known your daughter to swear and use obscenities?
Never.
Well, you see, that's quite similar to things like her lying- uncharacter-
Wait a minute. What are you talking about?
Well, she let loose quite a string while I was examining her, Mrs. MacNeil.
You're kidding! Like what?
Well, I'd say her vocabulary's rather extensive.
Hey, come on, I'm grown-up. What'd she say? I mean specifically, Doctor.
Well, specifically, Mrs. MacNeil, she advised me to keep my fingers away from her goddam cunt.
She used those words?
She used those words. Look, I doubt that she even understood what she was saying.
Yeah, I guess. Maybe not. You don't think a psychiatrist-?
Well, It's a symptom of a type of desturbance in the chemico- electrical activity of the brain. In the case of your daughter in the temperal lobe, up here in the lateral part of the brain. It's rare, but it does cause bizarre hallucinations and usually just before a convulsion.
Convulsion?
The shaking of the bed, that's doubtless due to musuclar spasms.
Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed, the whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it!
So, what causes this?
Lesion, Lesion in the temperal lobe. It's a kind of seizure disorder.
Look doc, I really don't understand how her whole personality could change.
The temperal lobe is very common. Could last for days, even weeks. It isn't rare to find destructive or even criminal behaviour.
Hey do me a favour will ya'. Tell me something good.
She's heavily sedated. She'll probably sleep through tomorrow.
We still think the temporal lobe...
Do you keep any drugs in your house?
No. Of course not, nothing like that.
Are you sure?
Well of course I'm sure. I'd tell you. Christ, I don't even smoke grass.
Are you planning to be home soon? LA, I mean.
No. I'm building a new house, the old one's been sold. I was going to take Regan to Europe for a while, after she finished school here. Why d'you ask?
Chris MacNeil?
Please go away.
Oh, I'm very sorry Father. Hi.
That's okay. I should've told you I wouldn't be in uniform.
So, how'd a shrink ever get to be a priest?
It's the other way around. The society sent me through med school.
Where?
Harvard, Bellevue, John Hopkins.
You're a friend of Father Dyer, right?
Yes am.
Pretty close?
Pretty close.
Did he tell you about my party?
Sure did.
About my daughter?
No I didn't know you had one.
He didn't mention?
No.
Didn't tell you of what she did?
He didn't mention her.
Priests keep pretty tight mouthed then?
That depends.
On what?
The priest.
I mean, what if a person, let's say, was a criminal, like maybe a murderer or something, you know? If he came to you for help, would you have to turn him in?
If he came to me for spritual help, I'd say no.
You wouldn't.
No I wouldn't. But I'd try to persuade him to turn himself in.
And how do you go about getting an exorcism?
I beg your pardon?
If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, how do you go about getting an exorcism?
Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time macine and send them back to the sixteenth century.
I didn't get you?
Well it just doesn't happen anymore Mrs. MacNeil.
Oh yeah, since when?
Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. All the things they taught me in Harvard. Mrs. MacNeil since the day I joined the Jesuits, I've never met one priest who has performed an exorcism, not one.
That's all the more reason to forget about exorcism.
Why, I don't understand?
To begin with it could make things worse.
But how?
Well before the church approves an exorcism, it conducts an investigation to see if it's warranted. That takes time. In the meantime...
You could do it yourself...
No I couldn't, I have to have church approval, and frankly, that's rarely given,-
Could you see her?
Yes I could, I could see her as a psychiatrist...
Not a psychiatrist! She needs a priest! She's already seen every fucking psychiatrist in the world and they sent me to you, now you're gonna send me back to them! Jesus Christ, won't somebody help her!
No, you don't understand. Your daughter-
Thanks. Look, I'm only against the possibility of doing your daughter more harm than good.
Nothing you could do would make it any worse.
I can't do it. I need evidence that the church would accept as signs of possession.
Like what?
Like her speaking in a language that she's never known or studied.
What else?
I don't know. I'll have to look it up.
I thought you were supposed to be an expert.
There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the devil himself and if you've seen as many psychotics as I have, you'd know it's like saying you're Napoleon Bonaparte. You ask me what I think is best for your daughter. Six months, under observation in the best
Did Regan know a priest was coming over?
No.
Did you know my mother died recently?
Yes I did, I'm sorry.
No, is Regan aware of it?
Not at all. Why d'you ask?
Wanna drink.
Please.
No it's alright I'll take it straight.
Are you sure?
Where's Regan's father?
In Europe.
Have you told him what's happening?
No
I told Regan that was holy water, I sprinkled some on her and she reacted very violently. It's tap water.
What's the difference?
She...killed Burke Dennings.
What?
Yes. He's already here.
Is she gonna die?
What did you do today?
Um........Stuff.
What kind of stuff?
Oh mom, you should have seen this man came along on this beautiful grey horse. Wasn't it pretty?
Really, what kind was it a mair or guilding?
Think it was a guilding. It was grey. Oh it was so beautiful, the guy let me ride it all around.
Well, not while we're in Washington.
Oh............
We'll see when we get home okay.
When can I have one?
Oh look at that.
You like it?
Hey, where'd this come from?
I found it.
Where?
You've been playing with it?
Yeah.
You know how?
Wait a minute you need two.
No you don't. I do it all the time.
You really don't want me to play huh?
No I do, Captain Howdy said no.
Captain who?
Captain Howdy.
Who's Captain Howdy?
You know, I make the questions and he does the answers.
Oh, Captain Howdy....
He's nice.
Oh I bet he is.
Captain Howdy, Do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy that isn't very nice.
Well, maybe he's sleeping.
Regan, why are you reading that?
Cause I like it.
It's not even a good picture. Looks to mature.
I wouldn't talk.
What are we gonna do on your birthday, isn't that nice it's on a Sunday this year, what can we do?
I don't know
Yeah
Okay. And tomorrow night, I'll take you to a movie, okay?
I love you Rags. We'll have a good day yeah?
You can bring Mr. Dennings if you like.
Mr. Dennings?
Well you know it's okay.
Well thank you very much but why on earth would I want to bring Burke on your birthday?
You like him.
Yeah I like him. Don't you like him? Hey what's going on? What is this?
Your not gonna marry him are you?
Oh my god, you kidding, me marry Burke Dennings don't be silly, of course not.
What?
Where'd you ever get an idea like that?
But you like him.
Course I like him, I like pizzas to but I'm not gonna marry one.
Do you not like him like daddy?
Oh Regan I love your daddy. I'll always love your daddy. Burke just comes around here a lot because he's lonely, don't got nothin' to do.
Well I heard differently.
Oh you did. What did you hear?
I don't know, I just thought.
Well your thinking's not so good.
How do you know?
Cause Burke and I are just friends. Okay, really.
People get tired.
Why does God let us get tired?
What are you doing here?
My bed was shaking, I can't get to sleep.
Oh my God!
I don't want it.
Mother please! Oh please mother make it stop! It's burning, it's burning please mother!
So something please Doctor, Help her!
All done.
Honey this is Father Dyer.
Over behind the church, you know where I mean over there, it's a red brick wing?
St. Mike's.
What goes down there? I mean who's the priest I keep seeing, he's there all the time. He has black hair and he's very intense looking?
Damien Karras.
Karras.
Hi Chris. Great party.
Yeah, don't stop. Keep going.
She doesn't remeber a thing.
Goodbye Father. I call you.
Pathological states can induce abnormal strength, accelerated motor performance. For example, a ninety-pound women sees her child pinned under the wheel of a truck, runs out and lifts the wheels half a foot up off the ground. You know the story, same thing here. Same principle, I mean.
There haven't been more than a hundred authenticated cases of so- called split personality, Mrs. MacNeil. Now I know the temptation is to leap to psychiatry, but any reasonable psychiatrist would exhaust the somatic possibilities first.
So what's next?
A pneumoencephelogram, I would think, pin down that lesion. It will involve another spinal.
Oh, Christ.
Where'd you get the money for the Chivas Regal? The poor box?
That's an insult, I got a vow of poverty.
Where'd you get it then?
I stole it.
I believe you.
College president shouldn't drink. Tends to set a bad example, I figure I saved them from a big temptation.
Oh Christ! I should of been there and I wasn't there, I should've been there.
Think you can sleep?
Are you gonna steal my shoes now?
Goodnight Dims.
Lieutenant?
I came to say goodbye.
You just missed them.
How's the girl?
She seemed fine.
Ah, that's good. That's all that's important. Back to business. Back to work. Bye now, Father.
Do you like films?
Sure.
I get passes. In fact I got a pass for The Crest tomorrow night. Would you like to go?
What's playing.
Withering Heights.
Who's in it?
Heathcliff, Jackie Gleason, and in the role of Catherine Earnshaw, Lucille Ball.
I've seen it.
Another one. Had your lunch?
Hello Regan. I'm a friend of your mother, I'd like to help you.
You might loosen the straps then.
I'm affraid you might hurt yourself Regan.
I'm not Regan.
I see. Well then let's introduce ourselves, I'm Damien Karras.
And I'm the Devil! Now kindly undo these straps!
If you're the devil, why not make the straps disappear?
That's much to vulgar a display of power Karras.
Where's Regan?
In here. With us.
Your mother's in here with us Karras, would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.
He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said "Take this, all of you and eat. For this is my body." When the supper had ended, he took the cup, again he gave you thanks and praise. Gave the cup to his disciples and said "Take this, all of you will drink from it, this is the cup of blood, the blood
You'd like that?
Intensely.
But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?
It would bring us together.
You and Regan?
Did you do that?
Do it again.
In time.
No now.
You speak Latin?
Ego te abslovo.
Quod nomen mihi est?
Bon Jour.
Quod nomen mihi est?
How long are you planning to stay in Regan?
What's that?
Ydob eht ni mraw si ti! Uoy ees I! Tseirp a si eh! Emit su evig! Nirrem! Nirrem!
Who are you?
I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!
Uoy era ohw.
I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!
I'm all right.
Your Uncle John stopped by to visit me.
Oh really, when?
Is that too tight?
No.
Now momma you have to stay off it, you can't keep go up and down those stairs you have to give it rest.
Okay
Dimmy, you worry for something?
No momma.
You are not happy. Tell me what is the matter?
No.
I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The Large one. I believe we should begin.
Do you want to hear the background of the case, first?
We may ask what is relevant, but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar, the demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological , Damien. And powerful. So don't listen, remember that, do not listen.
I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, there seems to be three. She's convinced-
Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation.
Save me o' God by thy name, by thy might defend my cause, proud men have risen up against me, men of violence seek my life, but God is my helper, the Lord sustains my life and every need he has delivered to me, glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the begin is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen.
Save your servant
Who places her trust in thee, my God.
Be unto her o' Lord a fortified tower.
Let the enemy have no power over her.
And let my cry come unto thee.
The Lord be with you.
And also with you.
...and to redeem through your son. Who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the holy spirit, God forever and ever.
Amen
Father Karras? Father Karras? Damien? The reponse please Damien!
...and the power to confront this cruel demon.
See the cross of the Lord. Be gone you hostile power. O'Lord hear my prayer.
And let my cry come unto thee.
The Lord be with you.
Amen.
Shut up!!
Why this girl it makes no sense?
What is it?
Her heart.
Can you give her something?
You're not my mother!!!
Have we met?
William F. Kinderman. Homicide.
What's this about?
Yeah, it's true. You do look like a boxer. John Garfield, in Body and Soul. Exactly John Garfield anyone told you that Father?
Do people tell you look like Paul Newman?
You this director was doing a film here, Burke Dennings?
I've seen him.
You've seen him. You're also familiar with how last week he died?
Only what I read in the papers.
Papers. Tell me, what do you know about the subject of witchcraft? From the witching end, not the hunting.
I once did a paper on it
Really?
From the psychiatric end.
I know. I read it. These desecration's in the church you think they have anything to do with witchcraft?
Maybe. Some rituals used in Black Mass. Maybe.
And Dennings, you read how he died?
Yeah, a fall.
Let me tell you how Father, and please confidential. Burke Dennings, good Father, was found at the bottom of those steps leading to 'M' Street, with his head turned completely around. Facing backwards.
Couldn't it of happened on the fall.
It's possible. Possible however
Unlikely.
Exactly. So on the one hand we've got a witchcraft type of murder and a Black Mass style of desecration in the church.
You think the killer and the desecrator are the same?
Maybe somebody crazy, someone with a spite against the church, some unconscious rebellion, perhaps.
Sick priest, is that it?
Look, Father this is hard for you- please. But for priests on the campus here, you're the psychiatrist; you'd know who was sick at the time, who wasn't. I mean this kind of sickness. You'd know that.
I don't know anyone who fits the description.
Ah, doctor's ethics. If you knew you wouldn't tell, huh?
No I probably wouldn't.
Not to bother you with trivia, but a psychiatrist in sunny California was thrown in jail for not telling the judge what he knew about a patient.
Is that a threat?
No, I mentioned it only in passing.
Hey, Father? You like movies?
Very much.
I get passes to the best shows in town. Mrs. K though, she gets tired and never likes to go.
That's to bad.
Yeah, I hate to go alone. You know, I like to talk film; discuss the critique. D'you wanna see a film with me? I got passes to The Crest. It's Othello.
Who's in it?
Who's in it? Debbie Reynolds, Desdemona, and Othello, Groucho Marx. You're happy?
I've seen it.
One last time: Can you think of some priest who fits the bill?
Come on!
Answer the question, Father Paranoia.
Alright. You know who I think really did it?
Who?
The Dominicans. Go pick on them.
MERRIN!!!!!!!
Stick your cock up her ass! You mother fucking, worthless cocksucker!
Your mother sucks cocks in hell Karras, you faithless slime!
Almighty Lord, word of God the father Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all creation, who gave to your holy apostle the power to tramp underfoot serpents and scorpions. Grant me, your unworthy servant pardon for all my sins...
I cast you out!!! Unclean spirit...!
Shove it up your ass you faggot!
...in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! It is he who commands you! He who flung you from the heights of Heaven to the depths of hell!
Fuck him!!!
...Be gone!!
Fuck him Karras!!! Fuck him!!!
...look down in pity...
Miss?
Yes?
We want to see Mrs. Karras.
Do you have an appointment?
Yes
Are you a relative?
Yes I am her brother, he's the son
Are you comfortable Regan?
Yes.
How old are you?
Twelve.
Is there someone inside you?
Sometimes.
Who is it?
I don't know.
Is it Captain Howdy?
I don't know.
No.
Why not?
I'm afraid.
If he talks to me, I think he'll leave you. Do you want him to leave you?
Give me the keys.
You're not going to drive.
Give me the keys!
You're not going to drive!
It's my goddamn car!
It's our goddamn car!
Give me the keys.
Frankie.
You wanted to see me, Charlie?
Yeah, come on in.
Little slow tonight.
What's this?
Your pay.
Now? Why not tomorrow? After the show.
Take it now.
What about tomorrow?
I've got the grands for two nights, Charlie. You can't just --
What're you saying, Charlie?
Look, Frankie. You and Jack been playing here, a long time.
Twelve years.
Right, twelve years. Couple times a month.
So?
So maybe it's time we took a vacation from each other.
Vacation? Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You said so yourself.
Trunks?
Swimming trunks.
Oh. No. Strictly dryland.
Too bad. You could use some sun. Really.
Maybe next time.
We have some lotion.
Just the same.
Nothing's the matter. Is it, sweetheart?
Well, look at this.
Honey ...
You believe this? The kid won't come out. I'm playing 'Camptown Races' for him and the next thing I know he's locked himself in the bathroom. There's nothing sharp in there, is there?
Honey ...
Where are our kids? Has he got one of them in there?
Beasley.
Baker.
What's our friend's problem?
Teeth.
What's wrong with them?
They're falling out.
They gotta go.
How many?
Five's my guess. Maybe more. Won't know till I get in there. Leave him now and you can pick him up in the morning.
Isn't there something you can give him? A pill or something?
Decay unfortunately doesn't limit itself to the denture, Mr. Baker. It spreads into his chest. Then the heart goes. We wouldn't want that, would we?
How will he eat?
Start him out on cottage cheese. If you've got him on kibble, just soak it a few minutes. Go down like pudding through a hot pipe.
No bones?
What do you do to him?
Don't worry, Mr. Baker. We'll knock him out. He won't feel a thing.
I think maybe I'll bring him back next week ...
You the magician?
No.
Piano.
Two at a time?
My brother and I. One each.
Oh.
Knee. Tore it up against St. Anthony's. Right before the accident.
Accident?
What do you say we go for a walk, pal.
Get your hand off me.
Come on, friend. I can smell it on you. Get yourself a cup of coffee. You'll forget what you're angry about.
Go fuck yourself.
You're a real tough guy when the ladies are around, aren't you, Ace?
Well, if it isn't the fabulous Baker Boys!
How's the birthday girl?
Uh, Ma, you know, no one calls him that anymore. Jack. He goes by Jack.
I thought maybe held gotten over that.
Twenty years, Ma ...
Uh ... yeah, well, you know, Ma, John Kennedy went by Jack.
Oh my God ...
Recognize these two characters?
I thought these were lost. Where did you find ...
Oh no!
Oh, look at you two. So skinny. And those tiny suits ...
What happened to the two Clays, Willie?
Out.
When they coming in?
What's the gig?
Tag 'em, Willie. The Regency downtown, Thursday-Friday. Thanks.
Great. Terrific. Glad you could make it.
How we doing?
How we ... ? What, are you kidding me?
Am I late?
That's not the point.
What's the point?
You cannot continue to walk in at the last moment, Jack.
You want me to show up late a few nights?
Jack.
Frank.
Jack.
Frank. I'm here. I always get here. Don't sweat it.
What's wrong with it?
You look like you just crawled out of bed.
You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know. How long has it been, Jack?
That's a lot of water under the bridge, eh, Jack?
Lotta water.
Don't make trouble, all right?
I mean it, Jack. Behave.
Count it.
Huh?
Count it.
Jack...
You mind telling me what that was about in there? Was that planned? Or were you just bored and decided to get creative?
Fuck him.
This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.
Fuck him.
So we on tomorrow night?
Listen ... why don't you come out to the house this weekend. Say hello to the kids. They've grown.
I hate your kids, Frank.
You're their uncle.
Only by relation. Besides, they hate me, too.
They don't. They're always asking about you.
They tried to electrocute me, Frank.
It was an accident.
It was no fucking accident, Frank. The little one ...
Cindy.
She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How do you explain that?
She didn't know what she was doing. You're too sensitive.
You got weird kids, Frank.
What d'ya got?,
Bosen black. Flat.
What d'ya got?
What do you think?
You know, I think it's been five years since I saw you eat anything. That's the God's truth.
Trust me, you're not missing anything.
You look awful.
Thanks.
Really. You sleeping?
Only on odd days.
Seeing anyone in particular?
Why the interest?
I'm not seeing anyone. In particular.
What about that waitress at the Ambassador?
Uh-uh. How about you? You seeing anyone?
Funny. Strike a bell?
It's only a ring. Not a collar.
By the way, we gotta go see Ma tomorrow.
No thanks.
No, I mean it.
So do I.
We gotta go, Jack.
No, you gotta go 'cause if you don't get up there every couple weeks you feel guilty. I won't feel guilty, so I don't gotta go.
This time you gotta go.
I don't gotta go.
You gotta go.
Says who?
Your older brother.
You're thirteen months older than me, Frank. That might've meant something in the Apache clubhouse, but it don't cut too deep anymore.
So what'd we get her?
I made her nervous.
What do you mean?
What's with Charlie?
Yeah?
It's me.
Frank?
Yeah. Listen ... come out to the house tomorrow, will ya?
I've had enough family for one month, Frank.
It's not family. It's business.
So talk to me tomorrow. After the gig.
We don't get a gig.
What're you talking about?
So you'll come out, right?
Jack.
Your doorbell doesn't work.
Nice, huh?
What?
The trees. The flowers. Nice.
Terrific.
Yeah ... we're gonna paint in the spring. After the rains. Look good as new.
Charlie paid you off last night, didn't he?
I don't know what you mean.
The hell you don't.
I told you. Something came up. Some political dinner or something.
Bullshit. Fifteen years, Frank. No one paid us off.
It wasn't like that.
No?
No.
What was it like?
Hey pal, I got a mortgage, all right? I got two kids. I got a wife. Besides, he made the deal. There's no shame in it.
A gust of wind killed him.
Yeah, and what put him up there?
Look, can we forget last night? We gotta talk.
Talk.
Sure, why not.
It's just an idea. I want your opinion. I mean, we go halfway on everything, right?
It's more like 40-60, wouldn't you say?
We agreed that if I took care of the business; I'd be entitled to the extra. Isn't that what we agreed?
That's what we agreed.
If you're unhappy with the arrangement --
I'm not unhappy.
If you'd like to assume more of the financial responsibilities, I'd be glad --
Frank. Fuck it. Okay?
I've tried to do well by you, Jack. By both of us.
I'm grateful, Frank. How much? For the singer.
What's that?
You, Frank. All these years you been telling me we're different. We got novelty, Jack. No one can touch us.
Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.
Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven.
What?
Thirty-seven girls. And not one who can carry a tune. That must be statistically impossible.
It was a somewhat extraordinary day.
Jack.
Let's get it over with.
What are you, crazy?
I just thought we should talk about it. Between ourselves.
What's there to talk about? She can sing. That puts her at the head of the class. That makes her the only one in the class.
I don't know ... She had gum on her lip, for Christ sake. I don't think she's right for the act.
You're getting cold feet about this.
I was just thinking what Ma would think.
How many other silent partners are there, Frank? Donna? Little Cindy? Hell, let's give Eddie a vote.
What's the matter?
I suppose we can bring it down a little.
I'll drop the eighths.
Where the hell is she?
It's early.
I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn't I? Seven-fifteen.
She'll get here.
Awe inspiring.
Yeah, well, Your's isn't. Let me run a comb though it.
Get out of here.
Come on, stand still.
Get out of here!
It's not gonna hurt you.
You hit me.
All right, all right. I'm a little tense.
You're a fucking alarm clock.
I just wish she'd get here, that's all.
No.
See anything?
How about these?
Oh, brother.
Sounds like a booking agent looking to book an easy fee.
Make it collect.
Better take care of your fingers, little brother. Buy yourself a case of arthritis and you won't be able to play 'Chopsticks.'
Something, huh? All those bids.
Yeah. Something.
Yeah ... Well, I gotta go.
You all right?
Yeah, fine.
Okay I'll see you tomorrow night then.
Hey, Frank.
You recognized me.
Just a lucky guess.
So what do you think?
Very realistic.
Yeah.
You want to come out to the house tomorrow? The way the bookings been piling up, Donna's decided to really lay it on. Turkey, stuffing, the whole bit. Kitchen's so full of food you can hardly move. We could use another appetite.
Thanks, but I've got plans.
When's the last time we played a wedding, Jack?
November. '71.
First night?
Day. Wednesday.
Last?
I thought we had separate rooms.
We do. She's got hers, we've got ours. Hey. Wash and Dries.
I thought we all had separate rooms.
She was staying at the Grand downtown ...
It was April. April seventeenth. That one I remember.
We were playing the lounge one night and she came in.
Pearls. White gown. Beautiful.
Frank asked if she'd sit in for a song, she said yes, and we did a few bars.
He's drunk.
Have some more wine, Frank.
I'm putting my stuff on the right, okay?
Okay.
I figure that way we won't get confused.
Right.
Unless you want the right.
No, you take the right.
We might as well do the towels the same way.
Okay.
I just figure things'll go smoother, you know, if we have it all worked out from the beginning.
Good idea.
But if it doesn't work out, let me know. I'm,flexible.
You leaving that on?
Yeah.
All night?
Yeah.
We're gonna be here a week?
Yeah.
So you're gonna leave it on. Every night. For a week.
Yeah. You mind?
Why would I mind?
Accommodate? I don't think I know what you mean.
I think what Mr. Daniels is trying to say, Jack, is --
Jack ... Jack ... You're acting like a kid.
No, that's your problem, Frank. You get around one of these assholes and you turn into a fucking three-year-old.
What's the matter with you? So the piano's a little out of tune. So what?
Christ, can't you hear it?
No! I never hear it! Maybe. Sometimes. I don't know. But I won't let it bother me.
Doesn't it matter to you?
What matters to me is we've got the six easiest nights we've had in ten years. So 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' sounds a little flat. So what? Nobody's gonna hear it, Jack. Nobody. So why should you care?
Because I can hear it.
Thank you, thank you. You know, Susie and Jack and I only just arrived here yesterday, but already the people here at the King Corporation's Moorish Manor have made us feel, well, a part of the family. And it's their hope that, before you leave, everyone of you will feel a part of that family also. So, if during-the next few days, we should
Right. I love you, Frank.
What?
What's the matter with you?
I'm sorry, Frank. All that talk about family. I just got emotional.
How dare you say you love me.
What the hell are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing? I'm tuning a goddamn piano.
Really.
How's it coming?
Fine.
How long you been at it?
Half-hour. Once I finish this octave I'm gonna get breakfast. You see what's on the buffet?
They stopped serving two hours ago.
Two hours ago!
You haven't seen Susie, have you?
No. Why?
Just wonder what she's up to. I never see her. Makes me nervous.
She's a big girl.
Yeah, well, she's our girl now. I think we better keep an eye on her. There's trouble there. Hey, listen to this. Ethel and Bert Lane. Married seventy-five years. You believe that?
What the hell are these?
Funny, huh?
What?
What're you trying to do? Wake up the whole goddamn hotel?
You saw wrong.
Huh?
He's with the hotel. I called him.
What are you talking about?
We had a leak in the bathroom. He fixed it.
He was wearing a suit.
He had to come quickly. It was a big leak.
How come I didn't hear anything?
What're you doing down here?
Celebrating. Join me?
The party's over.
Expensive hangover.
The Royal.
Right. The Royal. When's the last time we were there?
Couple years.
February?
April.
Right. It's incredible how you do that. Remember things.
A useless talent.
They were simple songs.
Not for me. I still have to look at the music sometimes, you know that? Otherwise, I forget. I just forget. But you. You never forget. Ever. So how come you couldn't remember Ma's birthday?
God, the old man would've loved this view, wouldn't he?
Yeah.
I always think of him on New Year's. How he used to pour us each half a can of beer. Remember?
You always threw up.
Yeah, and you drank yours like it was orange juice. He loved that about you.
He was just having fun.
It was like you'd passed some test, you know?
It was just a can of beer, Frank.
Yeah, but he told you things. He never told me anything. Even though I was the oldest. It was always you two, running off, doing things together.
You could've come.
I could've. But he didn't want me to.
You're making things up, Frank.
That takes care of this week. The tenth we got the Sheraton, the sixteenth we're at the Capri.
The tenth's out.
What?
I can't make the tenth.
What do you mean?
I mean maybe you should check with us before you go off and book us a month in advance.
Be reasonable, Jack.
What're you doing?
Just until we find another girl.
Cancel, Frank.
You want to know how much I got tied up in deposits with Willie? We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.
You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know. Jack?
We're not getting paid then.
No.
Nothing. We get nothing.
I told you, Jack. It's a telethon. No one gets a cent.
What's it for?
I don't know. Some disease.
What disease?
I don't know.
You don't know?
It's a disease, Jack. We're against it. It's not a moral decision.
What channels it on?
Seventy-one
Seventy-one? What's seventy-one?
We're on after Meadowlark. What's wrong?
Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?
What?
We're playing for a goddamn gymnasium!
Jack, you're on television.
What-are you? A fucking moron? It's three o'clock in the morning, Frank. Who's watching? Your wife? Maybe you can get us a gig playing Little Frank's birthday party. What do you think?
Look. I didn't know when we were going to be on until yesterday. What was I supposed to do? I had the pianos anyway.
Basketballs, Frank. You had us playing for basketballs.
I'm sorry. I should've checked it out. I screwed up. But that doesn't mean you walk out in the middle of a gig.
What?
What's happening to you, Frank? You been kissing ass so long you're starting to like it? You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight. We were always small time, but we were never clowns, Frank. What's happened to your dignity?
Stay off it.
No, let's stay on it. I'm sick and tired of watching you make him up into some kinda god. For Christ sake, Jack, he died doing a stupid bullshit jig. He left a wife and two sons. He wasn't a hero. He was a fool.
You weren't there.
That's right. I wasn't there. I don't have the luxury of being a witness to tragedy.
Fuck you.
Jack!
I didn't hear you come in.
What're you doing?
Uh, we already boxed some things. I figured you'd want to go through Dad's stuff. It's in there. If you want to get started.
Is everything done? The arrangements, I mean.
Oh. Yeah. It was all worked out before, you know. She and Dad had taken care of it.
Right.
I set it for Wednesday. The ceremony. They're doing the stone today. It's okay? Wednesday?
Yeah, fine.
There's not going to be a viewing. I figured with the kids and all ...
Go ahead.
No.
Bought it on the way over. Clean as a nun.
No, it's not that. I ... can't drink from the bottle. I ... gag.
Hey, what do you know. Looks like we can have that drink after all. What's your pleasure? We got the downtown Ramada. We got the Travelodge on Route 41. And ... the Mallory.
I'll take the Mallory.
Looks like these got a few years on them.
How're your hands?
Oh. Fine. It was nothing. Couple sore knuckles. Nothing.
You know, that night, I ... It just all came up.
Yeah, I know. Me, too.
I mean, you can play. You're okay.
Charlie called.
Yeah?
Yeah. Larry Shelton. Blackie. Couple others. Donna said even Lloyd called the other day. Nothing like a little absence to make the heart grow fonder, huh?
Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?
Five years ago. November.
Right. It was someone's birthday. Halloran?
Daughter's. Sweet sixteen.
Christ, that's right. How could I forget. What a nightmare.
She asked for it.
You should've told us you were coming, Ma. We would've come and got you.
Spur of the moment.
So what'd you think?
Thrilling. Both of you.
The audience was a little off tonight.
A few empty tables. It's cozier. Besides, Mel Torme couldn't fill this place on a Wednesday night.
I guess you're,right. Well, what do you say we get a little midnight snack? Theo's should still be open.
No, no. You boys are tired.
You sure?
Just call me a cab.
A cab? Ma, come on. My car's just a half block down. You wait here.
Your limo's ready, Ma.
Sick? How sick?
The flu.
So she's got a few sniffles.
You got no right springing this on me, Frankie. It's unethical.
Look, Nick. You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.
Actually, that's my stage name.
I'm sorry?
Moran. Monica. The whole thing. It's my stage name. My real name's Blanche.
Blanche.
No romance, right? That's why I came up with Monica. It's what I prefer.
Well, that's fine --
But if you call my house and my mother answers, ask for Blanche. If you ask for Monica, she'll think you have the wrong number and hang up.
Right.