Such partner-prescribed perfectionism was found to raise a female 's anxiety and negative self-esteem, which can impact their capability to relish sex. Rachel Sussman , a relationship therapist in New York, told the Cut that she often sees couples that have at least one partner with perfectionist standards. Those men and women grumble that their partner gained five pounds, that they do not dress up enough, or that they aren't hot anymore. Oftentimes when partners make these statements, the way women internalize it is, 'I am not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I am not hot enough,'" Sussman said. So you tell me now, is that girl going to feel hot? Is that girl going to feel amazing ripping off her clothing, having hot, passionate, dirty sex?"