The problem really comes into sharp relief, however, when I remember that this journey through my own personal Mordor isn’t a solo one. My boyfriend, my very own Samwise Gamgee, often accompanies me on my attempts to stay active. I am grateful when he’s there and I know he’s only doing it for me. I never try to force him to go, but I still do ask him to come with me when he is able. He has no interest in being a member, and honestly, I don’t have much of an interest in him being one either. One of the first things I did when I came back from the mission was start to really dig into the non-member dating scene. I think after a mission where I was constantly under the thumb of dude bro elders who were several years my junior, I’d had my fill of the benevolent (or sometimes, downright menacing) patriarchy. I was ready to see if there was a partner out there who wouldn’t be peeing (presiding, providing, and protecting) all over me. I wanted someone with whom I didn’t have to constantly worry about being their post humorous polygamous wife. I wanted freedom from the parts of Mormonism that were too hard to stomach. But I also wanted someone who would be willing to accompany me, on occasion, to my attempted revivals of spirituality. I admit I enjoy having companionship in a church where singledom is often seen as sad and pitiable. And my man’s outsider perspective is always refreshing.