I think the reply at October 4, 2012 at 20:53 pinpoints something, or starts to. Apologies can be part of the abusive cycle, but I think they are part of the abusive cycle when a) they are false apologies and the regret is not actually felt or b) the regret is felt, but people are so afraid of feeling ashamed that they cannot face up to their own feelings… they are so uncomfortable with their own guilt that, at least eventually, they start making excuses for themselves or selectively remembering how they acted. You need to have the strength to admit to yourself that you don’t like something about how you think or act in order to find the strength to change it. I respect people who are able to take ownership of themselves and exercise their agency to better themselves and their relationships with others. If John Lennon did reform, then I respect that.