Your joy does not dishonor your mother, She would not want you to remain in unrelenting grief forever. She would want to feel your joy through the tight connection you had with her, wherever she is now. She would want you to happily remember the good times you had together and dance with the littles for her. My husband is the child of Holocaust survivors and this is old ground for us. Some of his relatives feel that he should suffer deeply forever in order to honor the dead, but I think his joy honors them more. After 30 years I am slowly winning. Teach the littles a Christmas carol and know your mother is singing along somewhere. Kids love Jingle bells. A hot cup of coffee does wonders, as does a piece of holiday fudge.