Until now, when I “need” to think about Ma, I envision her at the end, the sick self. No matter how hard I try, to just conjure a thought of her up involved the Ma at the end. Last night I transferred old entries from my journal to here (trying to get all of my writing under one umbrella). Although the old written journal entries had nothing to do with my parents, I suddenly became sad and I wrote: “Tonight I miss my Ma. It suddenly felt weird. I miss Ma but I have compartmentalized my Daddy’s death to a point that I cannot “envision” (for lack of a better word) the two of them dead at the same time – occupying the same heavenly cloud. My grief is so different this go around than the first. I miss Daddy as if he were just around the corner. I miss Ma like in an absence that is indescribable.” And after that I became very sleepy and went to lay down on the couch where Husband was watching TV. I fell immediately asleep. And, although this dream was not as vividly colored as my dream a few days ago, it was detailed. I remember the dream in more broken pieces. These are some of those pieces: