You truly do need to read the Word of God, especially the Pauline epistles. I also recall in one of those epistles his comments about a friend of his almost dying which would have broken his heart. I am so sorry for you because you have been told what to believe and how to interpret the Word of God instead of relying on Holy Spirit. My beloved and I were part of all this NAR rot for at least a decade if not longer and it was the Word of God which finally brought us to our senses. There are thousands like us who speak out of knowledge of the Word of God (without being pastors like Costi) and experience. Sweetheart, how about talking with Jesus about your concerns and asking Him to, through His Spirit, lead you into all truth, however you have to lay aside all your preconditions!