Delivering A Stillborn
There’s no Earthly way of knowing which direction we are going
There’s no knowing where we’re rowing or which way the river’s flowing
Is it raining is it snowing, I don’t know…

V1:
I’ve got a date with fate but I said I’d take a rain check
Ain't slept in days as I take steps to gaze
At the next stage in life, the next page to write
The best days and nights are ahead of me ready to be
Light years ahead of this social sedative
Coasting, hoping to get ahead of this repetitive nature
The pain hurts although I still make sure
To justify wasting time with minor accomplishments
But it's difficult to carry on when you're disconsolate
Problems are toppling and conquering me
Contemplating complicated options, corroborating my thoughts
But intoxicated with doubt, going crazy I’m lost
Chasing a mirage, waiting for the NOS to kick in
My engine, take another loss and then win
Till then, I squeeze truth out of the pen
In an effort to get all of the blues out of my head
So used to having to lose, no clue on how I can win
So determined now but I know I’ll soon doubt it again
Surrounded by men and women who went and lived out the trends
While I’m drowning all my feelings by drinking out of the gin
Walking the line between the dark and the light
Caught on a tightrope that would make equilibrists call it a night
Spend part of your life alone, it’ll let you see
Isolation is the air that depression breathes
So to get past these challenges
I'll fight in teams for my queen, call me a paladin
I'm incandescent, hot so I shine, call me halogen
Moving back and forth, call me an annelid
Chose to pursue my dreams, meanwhile I’m battling
The doubt of my decision everyday but I’m glad I did
Pensively straddling fences and gathering tension
And traveling on and on and on…
V2:
There's an empty feeling at the pit of my stomach
It's lingering and I’m sick because of it
Could be the fear of putting in years into something that doesn't
Promise humungous budgets. So, although I love it like a drug
Got to fund it with something till I can become one with it
I’m done visiting these cerebral slums
Not asleep but I’m dreaming of
All these creatures creeping up but I keep it up
Writing and typing and fighting to keep ashore
Braving waves I fight at sea, striking the deepest chord
Sailing on my ship racing to the cliff, hanging on
Spending all day crossfaded, three sheets in the wind
A part of me says leave it at this, cease and desist
But my heart is screaming reach for your bliss and leap at the risk
Lots of tears and sweat between dreams and success
It seems like I guess nothing worth it’s easy to get
We all start at the same spot, running the race
But I’m afraid I’ll see all the others in front of my face
Stumbling and tumbling down, stomach rumbling now
Jumping the hurdles the struggle makes my hunger insatiable
We all arrive at the same destination but
I only cry and I pray that it’s painless
Sometimes we don’t know what we’re good at till we try
So we lie stagnant, repeating the same habits
Hoping it grabs us to a higher level but I’m a rebel
To my own redundancies. Why must it be
So hard to go far and just succeed
Like a gold star shining, I must be free
Trying to break loose without breaking apart
Should I open my mind or awaken my heart
This psychoanalysis activates my paralysis
Animating the challenges awaiting ahead
V3:
They got their eyebrows raised like, "why you wearing your shades"?
Cause I don’t always feel like sharing my pain
See the peril in my pupils, I’m embarrassed to say
That I’m a pupil who’s been careless and scared, hysterical lately
I’ve been staring and gazing at my parents and praying
They don’t go, oh no I’m very afraid
Might be morbid but I’m more aware we can parish today than before
And I’m just hoping that it’s not in the cards
But there’s a hole in my heart looking like the Barringer crater
Cause this marriage was made worse since the start
It’s becoming apparent it’s up to me to take care of them
When I inherit their places but I can’t carry the weight
With this hobby of mine, either get a job or get signed
Cause to save them I got to get by
My insecurities buried deep beneath the surface
That worry me, surely keeping secrets hurts us
Eternity’s just a thought to keep us comforted
We know we’ll fall eventually but still we keep on jumping in
Conjunctivitis from straining my eyes too much
Trying to see my future life and such
Standing in the spotlight, the surrounding darkness
Hiding a sea of people. Just hearing the sound sparks the
Fire in my heart, the desire to embark
On a journey as I’m learning how to climb up to the top
But this whole schooling this is really bringing me down
My solution was quit, go and sing to the town
But as soon as I get up and get to the crowd
I peruse statistics and fall sick to the ground
But these brooding instincts keep on sitting me down
My astute linguists keep me feeling the sound
But it’s not too realistic, you should stick to the ground
Don’t want to do some distance then put your kicks in your mouth”
Well I’m thinking it’s now or never at all, swinging is the pendulum
Stealing my soul so I’m stone stepping through the trenches
Soaking wet, broken legs, alone resting on the precipice
Ready to erupt like Krakatoa, it’s time to grow up
Intravenously feeding this fetus with dreams of achievement
I’m feeling defeated, it doesn’t seem to be breathing
Inhibiting the pain in pill form lately
Afraid I’m delivering a stillborn baby